Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It is frighteningly COMMON how often people suffer narcissistic neighbours!

I know this because many of you write in about it, and it has also happened to me!

What happens when you are living next to a deranged person who is NEVER happy, constantly complaining and even doing TERRIBLE things to you and your property?

How DO you stop these people ripping the sanctity of your home, hearth and health apart?

Does a narcissistic neighbour mean that you have to move home?

Or … can you defeat them and return your life back to HEALTH and PEACE?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you my journey regarding a narcissistic neighbour, and the sure-fire way I learned to deal with it, to help you get free of the horror and bullying of this kind of narcissist.

 

 

Video Transcript

One of the horrors that many people in this Community have experienced is Narcissistic Neighbours.

Maybe you are battling with one right now.

You are not alone … I have been through this too!

It’s awful because our homes are supposed to be our sanctity; our soft place to relax, unwind and recuperate. It’s delightful when we have lovely neighbours – people who we can connect to for support, community, friendship and even a helping hand when in need.

But what happens when you have the nightmare neighbour, whereby you can be perpetually on edge or even terrorised in your own home, literally?

How do you survive these people?

Can you turn it all around?

Or do you have to move to a new home?

Let’s get into it and find out in today’s TTV episode.

But before we do…

Thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

Always Complaining

A common trait of narcissistic neighbours is their victim mentality, when they think that other people are always encroaching on them or doing the wrong thing by them.

They may state that your bins should not be placed where they are for garbage removal, because it affects them driving in or out or getting access to the mailbox.

They may complain that your pet walked across their lawn, without their permission.

If your child’s ball goes over the fence and lands in their garden, they may rant and rave about it – and even refuse to return it.

If you, or someone visiting you, parks across their driveway, even if they only overhang an inch or are there for a moment, this neighbour may knock on your door and blast you for it.

Your narcissistic neighbour may even go to authorities, such as the council or a body corporate, and make petty or fabricated complaints about you.

I used to live next door to a horrible narcissistic woman who would complain incessantly about everything on the unit block. Being her immediate wall-to-wall neighbour, I copped it the most.

The depth and breadth of her complaints seemed endless.

At the time, it seemed like this woman was showing up at my doorstep every day, complaining about something I had or hadn’t done. Even poor Tiggy, my cat, was targeted by her. She told me that he hunted birds, but he is seriously too well fed and lazy to be bothered.

I spent a great deal of my time on edge. Every time I saw her walk up the driveway I would feel the distress. This was especially true when I had someone over, in case they made a noise that she could hear.

But not only did I have to deal with these day-to-day complaints. She once tried to report me to authorities for several things, and often she would make unrealistic demands to try to get things done to her property for free. Quite frankly, she made my life a living hell.

It’s so interesting that people like this – especially narcissists – live by the rules ‘Do as I say and not as I do’.

Commonly, if not always, this type of person will be a serial offender themselves, doing similar or even worse things than what they are accusing you of doing.

This was certainly the case with my horrible neighbour, who constantly complained about any little thing out of place on my property whilst hers looked like a tip.

 

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, have all the justifications for what they accuse you of doing.

Maybe your nightmare neighbour regularly blocks your driveway, starts power tools up late at night, or dumps rubbish on your property. Or perhaps he or she plays loud music into the early hours of the morning or has raucous fights with their partner or family, which disrupt your peace.

Maybe this neighbour’s yard or front porch is full of rubbish and mess, and they don’t care about how it affects other neighbours.

Perhaps they have started erecting, building or modifying things on your joint boundary without your permission.

Possibly your narcissistic neighbour has a pet, who is creating damage or serious noise pollution and he or she refuses to do anything about it.

This neighbour may ask to borrow things from you and then return them damaged, saying that they were already like that (and that’s if they return the items at all).

The truth is narcissists don’t have a peripheral sense of others. They don’t care about other people and their comfort needs – it’s all about them and their own agenda.

 

The Malignant Narcissistic Neighbour

I know that some of you have had to deal with narcissistic neighbours with zero conscious and truly criminal intent, and my heart goes out to you.

Maybe your experience with a narcissistic neighbour has been so terrible that you have been physically threated, or suspect or know they have broken into your home. Maybe this sociopathic person has performed malicious acts designed to intimidate and harass you, or have even hurt your loved ones or pets.

Naturally, this could be terrifying and cause you a great deal of trauma and distress.

 

How Do You Know If Your Neighbour Is Narcissistic Or Not?

As Thrivers learning to be healthy, healed, authentic people in every area of our life – we need to raise up and get past the fear of confrontation.

Let me explain to you with this example.

Many years ago I had a neighbour who was constantly blocking my driveway. It disturbed me greatly, and I felt violated. If I was on the phone to a girlfriend, I would look out the window and tell her how terrible it was that this was happening to me.

But … was I being responsible for my own boundaries and wellbeing? NO, I wasn’t!

Back then I was terrified of confronting people and having the difficult conversations, because I was dealing with my own inner terrors of CRAP – the feelings that if I spoke up about my needs I would be criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.

After doing the deep inner work to heal these fears, I knew it was my responsibility to knock on the neighbour’s door and have a conversation with that houseowner and ask for what I needed.

Nowadays, if I have friends in my life complaining about people in their life I ask them, ‘Have you gone to this person and told them honestly what is going on for you?’ Invariably they haven’t, and I know exactly why. They are terrified of asserting their truth and maybe pissing others off. Instead, they make excuses for not speaking up – just as I used to do.

But here is the thing… With anyone in our life – narcissist or non-narcissist – it is up to us to confront them and to be honest and solid about what we need, in clear and powerful ways.

This person may or may not respond healthily, however, by confronting them we grant them the opportunity to respond and for the situation to be rectified.

If the person is non-narcissistic, he or she will generally acknowledge you and work with you to rectify a situation. And in most cases the result will be wonderful.

People aren’t mind readers, and we need to get past the righteous belief that ‘people should just know what the right thing is to do’.

The truth is that it’s our job to teach other people how to treat us. People who don’t treat us respectfully are A.I.D.s (Angels In Disguise posing as thoughtless people). These A.I.D.s are awakening us to anchor into our own inner power of authenticity, self-respect, and truthfulness, in accordance with the care, value, and respect we should have for ourselves.

All of us as Thriving Adults have to be able to heal and mature ourselves up enough to speak up honestly and truthfully, and we must be prepared to have the difficult conversations.

 

What to Expect If Your Neighbour Is a Narcissist

After working on your inner terrors of NOT being able to put your best foot forward while speaking up for what you need (my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the Quantum Tool to help you breakthrough in this area) you will know whether this person is capable of working with you in harmonious ways or not.

Traditionally a narcissist will refuse to be remorseful or take responsibility. He or she may reject any notion that they did anything wrong, or that there is any need for them to correct or cease what they are doing. He or she will commonly throw back at you tit-for-tat comments about what you have been doing to them.

 

How to Keep Stepping Up to Combat a Narcissistic Neighbour

This is where the inner work is so important.

People ask me all the time, ‘How does doing “that” (whatever “that” is) work with this narcissist in my life?’

I want you to understand that the foundation to HOW we deal with ANY narcissist in our life is identical.

These are the steps:

  1. Know it is our own job to honour and walk our truth and boundaries, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing, and
  2. Go inside, self-partner and use NARP to address, release and reprogram the fears and traumas that the narcissist is triggering off within you – and then emerge fearless and emotionally solid to take action in your next steps.

By creating this inner foundation first and foremost, you are no longer able to being derailed and emotionally hijacked. You can be clear, systematic and methodical in how you challenge the situation.

When my narcissistic neighbour upped her anti and started pulling in authorities and neighbours to bully me, I knew I had to do something.

I knew I needed to Go Quantum.

So I did…

I stopped playing victim and complaining to everyone about her, recognising that this was an incredible opportunity for me to evolve into my own power and truth, and to generate my healthy life regardless of her attempts.

Below is what I did. It has helped clients and NARPers to combat their troublesome narcissistic neighbours as well, and I know it will help you too.

However, please note, without the inner work and keeping on top of purging and detoxifying all inner trauma triggered, this method may not, and usually won’t, work.

We have to get very CLEAR. It doesn’t matter what you are DOING to combat a narcissistic abuser in your life, if you are not taking care of your BEINGNESS, as your first point of action, then your results (so within, so without) will reflect MORE of your traumatised beingness and won’t reflect any of the doingness – regardless of how much effort you are putting into it.

Okay, having worked on yourself to lose the fear of your narcissistic neighbour, here is the powerful formula I followed.

First, I created an email regarding all her complaints against me. I then unemotionally listed her grievances and the dates and the times they were made, and copied in on the email the other owners and the body corporate.

I then wrote down what I was prepared to do to resolve the complaints and what I wasn’t prepared to do to comply. I made sure the tone I used was calm and logical.

For every unresolved point, I asked for her to respond to the group email with her suggestion for resolution.

I then hit send!

I enjoyed creating and adding to the list, sending a new email with each and every new grievance and threat she inflicted on me, each time stating what I wished for as resolution and inviting her feedback as a solution.

She was now exposed. Other eyes were watching. She had no suggestions for resolution, and suddenly she stopped complaining to me about things.

As well as this, the other owners, to whom she had been smearing me, came to me shocked by her behaviour and what she had been demanding and threatening. They apologised for believing all the horrible things she had said about me.

I then wrote another group email, regarding my grievances with her and asked for what I wished for as resolution and invited her input for a solution.

Again, nothing was forthcoming from her.

I was doing so many shifts on myself with the NARP processes about her – any time I felt any triggered emotion within – that it was no longer uncomfortable bumping into her on the apartment property. I was just simply going about my life, holding my head high, without feeling any dread about her whatsoever.

I was, by this stage, revelling in the opportunity for my up levelling inner solidness, boundaries and the knowing of how to live powerfully narc-proof. It was an exciting time for me!

She, on the other hand, switched from stalking and terrorising my every move to leaving me alone.

At the next Body Corporate meeting, I was armed with all the facts – my email correspondence and invitations to seek resolution, and her non-compliance with any of it.

She unravelled in front of everyone, as I unemotionally and factually read out the details. She got nasty and blamed her behaviour on her health problems. She had nowhere to hide.

Not long after that she put her house on the market, sold up and moved out.

Just another narcissist not getting narcissistic supply and not being able to operate as a narcissist. As with all narcissists, she had to get out. There is no other option.

My new neighbour is BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t ask for a more delightful lady to live next door!

See what happens when we change ourselves from the inside out and then show up in life as our New Self?

We generate a soul-graduation and then everything shifts to match that.

 

The Necessary Inner Shift Into Freedom and Power

This is the thing – narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, trigger off within us our unhealed terrors. And when this happens, they grant us the incredible opportunity to heal these terrors and evolve ourselves. The healing we generate means not just emerging safely from what we are going through, but also living free of these terrors forevermore.

I am so grateful for my narcissistic neighbour and her shenanigans. It was because of my time with her that I was able to release, heal and resolve my inner fears of authorities – being thrown out by my community and people, feeling guilty, bad or wrong for things I was or wasn’t doing, and also my terrors of trying to have my rights to my own privacy and life – whilst people were violating my boundaries.

I really want you to understand that every narcissist in your life is granting you a soul journey of incredible power, divinity and evolution – when you are prepared to turn inwards and do the work. This soul journey then allows you to enter the arena with a narcissist in a way that you have never before.

A way that works.

I know you may feel like the narcissist in your life is TOO bad for you to do this with. Yet I promise you that the person behind the mask will be powerless once you heal within you the traumas that they have been using as the bullets against you to keep firing at you.

This goes for ANY narcissist.

I so hope this video has helped.

Now, if you know it’s time to graduate, stand up and get powerful – I’m here to help you. Let’s make this happen together. All you need to do to get started is to click this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Does this information about narcissistic neighbours resonate with you? Are you excited about up levelling and taking this newfound power on to combat any narcissist who is bullying you?

I’d love to hear about this in comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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38 Thoughts on How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours
  • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
    Iris
    August 8, 2019

    Melanie,

    I Love it!!

    Yes, they’re everywhere, but so are we. . .:)

    I too have one of those neighbors but I’m just too happy, loved, and too utterly unimpressed to be affected. She even stole some decorative stones I had donated to my Association. The Association is suing her directly since it had been their property at that point.:).

    Evil really does dissolve without an audience.

    Thrive on and carry on!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Bless you Iris,

      Yes Thrive On.

      Without our fear and pain it can all shift pretty miraculously.

      Big love to you

      Mel 💞💛💞

  • eeo_456@yahoo.com'
    Ev
    August 8, 2019

    I read this about Narcissist neighbors with great interest. I have a more drastic problem that I’ve tried to handle without success, but I am No Contact since 2010 with the person, and she is my older sister. Now I am free to go a step further, and a little over a year ago, my older brother died. I stayed close by because of him. He was a severe stroke victim since 2000.

    I took care of all my older relatives until they passed, as I’m the youngest of that particular family. I bought and paid for my property, gave up a good job to have more time to care for our mother. Then stepped right in to help with my brother. When my sister showed up in 2000, my brother didn’t want her there. Neither did my mother. She was told to leave by my brother, my sister called the sheriff, deputies shows up, and they wouldn’t do a thing. My brother could not speak, was paralyzed but made his wishes clear. The deputies left and said, “You people figure it out.” My sister laughed in my brother’s face. It was his house, and he learned he was not the boss. I was under the effects of my sister as she said she knew everything and I believed her.

    Cutting to the chase. My sister took everything she could at anytime she could. She ended up with everything my brother had or ever would have. My Mother said she used “undue influence”. She bamboozled the doctors, police, everyone but my Mom. Even me. Then when my Mother died, my sister ransacked my mother’s house. My sister also never paid anyone back. She had me loan money to her kids, to her, I did work for her and paid out of my own pocket. And she accused me of everything and called me worthless. She even tried to take my property and property rights. I would not allow that.

    So now my sister is my neighbor as she got my brother place. She also got her kids into the rental properties on adjacent properties, which I own half of those. I have not received any rental money, or any help or even visits from my nieces and nephews since 2010. The properties are free and clear. Nothing owed and there never has been. Except for a share I bought and paid off in cash, which was my brother’s share. That was before he had his strokes.

    A couple years ago, I had enough. I wrote a fifty-one page letter to my nieces and nephews and wanted all of this to stop. I detailed everything I witnessed their mother do with great examples. I asked to be paid back. I asked that I be paid fair rent for the properties I own which is where they live. They all have good jobs. I gave up my good job and never have taken anything to my knowledge. The good thing about my writing that letter, was that my sister quit bothering me. She would break in to my house when I was gone, so I changed locks, put in security cameras and a security system. She found out and asked for the combination, keys and when I would be gone. I won’t respond to her.

    Now that my brother died, and as I’ve been very ill the last several years, I need to figure out what I can do. I am close to getting a lawyer, that would cost me a lot I believe. I’ve asked for help from Dr. Phil, but no response. I believe my sister is dangerous, but I’m not scared of her. I was fearful for my mother and brother. They are now gone.

    I really love where I live. I don’t like my sister or her kids, who take everything they can and do not help. So I read this with great interest, and I understand I also have a very big problem. My sister also likes to get even. Even if she is wrong, she will never admit that she is, unless there is an advantage for her. Plus, my parents and brother always told me she lies. And she does. Thanks. I needed to ask.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Hi Ev,

      You have been through so much with your sister and my heart goes out to you.

      I really believe there is only three distinct possibilities with people violating us …

      Get ourselves to the level where we are totally at peace and don’t care, or … keep feeling the violation indefinitely stripping our inner being and life … or take empowered calm and clear action to change the situation.

      Understandably number 1 may not be an option for you.

      Number 2 is no.option.

      That leaves you with only number 3. Which is about being fearless, walking your truth and taking the actions to evict her children legally and set up whatever boundaries required that state ‘enough.

      It’s a formidable recipe against these people.

      Yes it will cost you, but what is the ongoing cost if you dont take action?

      I hope this can help and much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    August 8, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I am selling my house, it has been on the market for 2 months now and one day I had a knock on the door. I live in the Adelaide Hills and the neighbour above me came down and told me the previous owner of my house had built a fence on his land and I had to pay for a survey to determine the boundaries of the land and also he had been thinking of it for a while, a new fence. He said he was overseas when the owner had done the work and he didnt know about it until he returned.

    I have been in the property for 7 years, 2.5 years in he approached me and said the previous owner had put a up a fence on his boudary and he was ok with it. So now his story has changed..

    Initially I asked him why he hadnt asked about the fence way back then, I had some money then and could have successfully negotiated something with him. He said he’d been meaning to do it (he has been in his property for 50 years!) but hadnt gotten around to it.
    I told him I didnt have any money, I am divorcing the ex husband N and live alone, and it was really bad timing and I couldnt do anything.
    He was totally convinced that I owed him something and said he didnt want to have to go through all this again with the next owners so I was it.

    He contacted my agent, he didnt know she was at my house and that I was listening on loud speaker. He insisted his boundary had been encroached upon and when she informed him there was no proof nor evidence, he got nasty.

    He demanded the title to my land, said he would make my life hell, he would report me to council, he would report her to the Real Estate board and have her license revoked and on and on he went. His story changed again, that I myself had put up the fence, he didnt know who it was. This was the 3rd version of his story.

    Later that day I called him and he was sweet as pie. I asked him point blank what he wanted – he wanted me to pay for a land survey and to put up a new fence and to let the new owners know that the existing ‘fence’ was on his land. I told him I didnt have the money – again and to my shock he said ‘You’ll have plenty of money when you sell’… Unreal! I advised him to not presume anything about my financial situation! The gall of him..

    I did some research, firstly it wasnt a fence the previous owner put up, it was a retaining wall. Secondly, because the retaining wall is on his property, he is responsible for it not me.Thirdly my only obligation is to maintain the existing chicken wire fence that has been there for 50 years. And finally this was all hearsay! There is no evidence..

    I sent him a text later that day. I suggested the hold off with paying for the survery to save himself some money. I advised that my only obligation as was his, was to maintain the existing chicken wire fence and that the new owners were obliged to do the same. Neither they nor I had any legal obligation to pay for a new fence.

    It frightened the life out of me initially and I suspect he hit me up because there is no man around. The other men that lived here, my ex and the previous owner he never approached. He said in one version of his story the previous owner had dug out the wall with a shove.. version number 4.

    I havent had a response to my text, nor have I seen a surveryor around the property but it certainly gives me the heebie jeebies when I think about him, scheming away, trying to get what he can out of me…

    Thanks for the post Mel, very relevant to many of us I’m sure..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Hi Robyne,

      This is great you did your research. Too many of us, my previous self included, would be terrified and just comply.

      This man is a bully. He has not a leg to stand on.

      Robyne darling just keep releasing the fear and filling with Source hold your boundaries, dont be intimidated and dont try to fix him or get him to get it.

      People like him dont, but when they can no longer abuse, bluster and bluff … they go away.

      Also recognise the beautiful power and gift in this for you … as my situation was for me.

      In the future going forward, you will know how to powerfully and calmly deal with anything like this, without any fear.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
        Robyne McKay
        August 8, 2019

        You should be regarded as a national treasure Mel, thank you xx

    • jraltizer@gmail.com'
      Julia
      August 9, 2019

      I have a similar problem with a fence a neighbor put up about 2 years ago. They may or may not be narcissists but I do know they are criminal. They are thieves and have drug issues. I have owned my property for over 10 years. They bought into the neighborhood about 4 years ago. The property is not actually owned by the residents but by the parents of one of them. Still needing to do some more “inner work” I didn’t confront them. I decided that “this too shall pass”. When dealing with criminals that seem capable of almost anything it is better to be cautious. I made sure not to leave anything else in the yard that they could steal (yeah if it’s left in my yard it disappears) and haven’t said anything about the fence until I have the money to have a new survey done. They tore out the original survey stakes. This time I am spending the money and having permanent concrete boundary monuments installed by the survey company. This was at the suggestion of the county where I live. It is a chargeable offense if they pull those up.

      Anyway – the husband is now in jail for at least the next two years. One too many breaking and entering charges. She doesn’t appear to be living there anymore (it has been weeks since anyone has been seen over there – no car, dog, children, nothing). Last week her parents came over and sold the one remaining cow they had left. The wife also has pending court cases (mostly involving driving with no license, hit and run, drugs etc).

      I knew that eventually they would throw themselves out of the neighborhood!

  • tammy65@hotmail.co.uk'
    Mara
    August 8, 2019

    It’s also the case that sometimes we are resistant (or our partners are) to moving house even though it’s not appropriate for us to continue living in the same place (i.e it’s sub-standard or dangerous to our health etc). The nark often simply comes along to shift us into finally dealing with those issues (whatever they are).

    • jenifer@toast.net'
      Jen
      August 8, 2019

      Mara, that has occurred to me also, re my narc roommate. Still not ready to move, I trust things will happen when time is right.

      I did experience this in another living situation, a share rental where one of the tenants was picking on my young son. This got me
      determined to move and I found a great place where I stayed eight years. So yeah, it definitely can work to our benefit if someone is being an A-hole.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Hi Mara,

      I so agree!

      This can totally be the way our soul moves us on!

      Mel 🙏💞💛

    • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
      Robyne McKay
      August 8, 2019

      I really had not thought about it that way, thanks for saying that, perfect

    • davidjonesmosaic@gmail.com'
      David
      August 9, 2019

      Thats a great way of looking at it. I am tied to this house by memories of times gone with my cats, and before n abuse….

      Now, please Universe, also send me a correlating occurance to help me move…a new job, lottery win, idea for a number one Christmas song…

      Keep shifting, it will come 🙂

    • jenifer@toast.net'
      Jen
      August 9, 2019

      This is very timely for me. The issue here is actually my narc roommate. It has been an intense period of adjustment since he moved in
      here last Dec. Been a wake-up call in many ways, as I have realized my father likely had NPD and probably coexisting dysfunction, so that is
      what I grew up with. Anyway I have learned a lot about detaching, Gray Rock, and am in therapy (thankfully covered by insurance, as money is tight right now) to address my wounds that I am sure magnetized this guy (and other narcs that have come into my life) in the first place. I “clean” constantly with Ho’oponopono as well.

      Anyway…living in an apartment building with a narc roommate, of course means our neighbors have a narc neighbor! This is an old building, sound and movement carries, and our neighbors who share a wall with roommate’s bedroom are very disturbed by the commotion he makes when he has a girlfriend to spend the night. It bothers me too–it feels like a mini earthquake. I’ve spoken to him about it and his answer is that he got a new bed that “doesn’t move.” IOW, he dismisses and invalidates, in true narc fashion. Where the neighbors are concerned, I think it bothers them more because they share a wall. They’ve been complaining to the landlord, who then contacts me, and I pass on the messages such as the one I got last night. “Your roommate and His friend are making noises again in bedroom after midnight. It is Wednesday night, other people have to sleep and get up in morning for work.”

      Roomie’s response? He denies making any noise: “It looks like our neighbors will complain, just to do that. I’ll keep an even closer eye out on everything- even though I have been. It feels like our neighbors are just being petty, inconsiderate and hurtful.”

      I could tell him I was bothered too, but I doubt he would be any more receptive or accepting of responsibility with this.
      Looking at the legal resources on dealing with noise issues in our city, I see a mediation service is advised. I am not optimistic
      that this could work well with a narcissist! Any ideas are welcome! btw, he is not on the lease. I am the master tenant and we have a sublease
      agreement. If he were to be evicted, I would have to initiate. Fun, fun, fun…

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 9, 2019

        Hi Jen,

        Truly it sounds like there is going to be no other option than to kick him out.

        If he takes zero responsibility and wont comply, then nothing is going to change.

        For all of us recovering from narcissists the sanctiry of our soul must come first. These patterns in our life dont stop until we declare ‘no more am I going to rationalise away the allowing of my inner being to continue being damaged. I will take a stand, lose my fear and mean it now.’

        I hope this helps and sending your power and truth to honour you.

        Lots of love

        Mel 🙏💞💛

        • jenifer@toast.net'
          Jen
          August 9, 2019

          Thanks Melanie dear. Getting him out is actually not that simple. Have to go through the courts, and need “just cause” for eviction. Creating a nuisance
          is one just cause, but I know he would fight it and many eviction attempts are successfully defended in court. We shall see if he keeps it up with the shaking. I am glad the neighbors are involved even though they are giving him narc supply.

          I feel I am in the sanctity of my soul. I choose to be, regardless of what is happening around me. I was very impressed by what you have said re “so within, so without” and that we can get to the point where the narcissist just fades out of our life. Holding that vision!

          Much love back atcha,
          Jen 🙏💞💛

          • jraltizer@gmail.com'
            Julia
            August 13, 2019

            Jen – you are so right. It takes a while to get someone out of your house legally. Meanwhile – they continue to destroy property and walk all over you. They get away with it too! There are only a few legal instances that get someone bounced out of the house instantly and permanently. May the force be with you.

  • zobeedamadsen@yahoo.co.uk'
    Zobeeda Madsen
    August 8, 2019

    Melanie thank you so much I was actually physically attacked, and we have another problem with this man who actually threatens and was shouting and screaming at my autistic son and my son is so shaken up and distressed by what this man did at the moment he will not leave the house or even go in the garden. These people one thing is always noticeable despite their nastiness and the distress they cause others and they are always the victim and justify themselves and this guy is trying to create some drama seriously that night he was shouting at my son he was completely out of control and went too far my son is innocent and did nothing he just stood their in shock and said nothing to the man, but when he came in told me how he was shaking inside and felt sick and the man was like a demon and monster who just could not understand. This man definately fits Narcisstic criteria but we are going with our lawyer to the police about this, because we have to know when to stand up draw the line and say enough is enough. thanks this was perfect post in perfect time thanks so much

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Hi Zobeeda,

      This is awesome that you are standing up, taking a stand and saying ‘enough

      Sending love and power to you and your family.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • alexisskriloffjames@yahoo.com'
    Alexis
    August 8, 2019

    hello, whenever one of your videos show up in my email, I watch the video. so helpful.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2019

      Hi Alexis,

      I’m so pleased they resonate with you and help.

      Bless!

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • museumgirl387@gmail.com'
    Hannah
    August 8, 2019

    Melanie,

    Just wanted to let you know that I am right now buzzing off of the most peace I’ve ever felt after shifting a huge, all consuming, terrifying childhood wound using your advanced modules. The pain was so intense I didn’t think I would survive it while shifting it, but after I did, well here I am, feeling closer to myself, home, peace, pure love and God than ever. I understand now what you were talking about when you said that you can work to a point where narcissists can become “not my reality” if I keep shifting. I almost literally feel like I’m no longer in the realm of darkness that they live in. I’m so amazed, and no longer afraid of the narcissists that surround me. You are truly doing God’s work. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My inner little girl thanks you. I’m so excited to keep shifting.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2019

      Hi Hannah,

      I love that you are experiencing powerful somatically felt breakthrough!

      Darling one, how wonderful that you are truly purging from within and experiencing your true soul emancipation.

      This work is beyond powerful and I feel so blessed and humbled to live its effects and share it with you.

      So much love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • marjopotec@gmail.com'
    Marjo
    August 8, 2019

    Thank you so much for this episode, it’s just what I needed right now because I am clearly dealing with a nars neighbour. I also had a nars tenant who left one month ago, no matter what I did or offered to do to reply to her complaints, it was never good enough. Feel bad for him as he left her but keeps coming back – we all know what that’s about. I was so glad when she gave her notice… I thought it meant that I must have healed a lot for her to leave my life, but they trash my house before leaving. She had the nerves to ask me how I would rate her as a tenant (looking for references), meantime, they had been behind in their rent and water bills for months. I told her I would not be her best reference. In response she sent me a nasty long letter putting me down as a landlady… I sent it to him, he apologized on her behalf. I just gave them an invoice for arrears and damages in excess of $3800. I was very nervous at first, expecting more back slash from her, but I did it anyways. I’ve dealt with that kind of tenants in the passed so I now know how to protect myself in advance, just in case, and I’m glad I did because I have all the proof I need to win this in court. I gave them 30 days to pay or sent me a reasonable payment plan and follow through or the account will be automatically sent to Collection. Now to deal with the neighbours… it didn’t occur to me to think of it as dealing with narcissistic abuse until I watched this video. Thank you again for this episode. I’ll go back to your program as I clearly still have to do some more healing. Much Blessings to you Mel.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2019

      Hi Marjo,

      You are very welcome and I’m so pleased this is timely for you.

      This is wonderful that you are standing up and honouring you. Absolutely by backing this up with shifting out any trauma (dense energy) that arises with NARP – you have a powerful house of truth and whole-some-ness backing you!

      Thank you and much love and many blessings to you too Dear Marjo

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole
    August 8, 2019

    “without feeling any dread”

    Ding! Dread, I’ve come to find out, is a biggie. That’s one feeling I have very frequently talked myself out of. I guess it’s my inner being telling me my boundaries are about to be challenged? I have definitely learned to heed this. In my case it’s based around the belief “I don’t have a choice”. But I do. I always did, it’s just that my conditioning when I was growing up and without any power, was that I did not have a choice and I was to “choose” what was less than optimal. (Think in the vein as “voluntold” as opposed to volunteer.). My choice, my fault. (cross purpose (narc) parenting) Although I’ve moved on from my old place of work, the dread (and defeat!) I feel just seeing their sign while pulling into the parking lot to shop at an adjacent store is a strong indication I still have shifting to do. If I think back over the course of my working life, I have had very strong feelings of “dread” contemplating work environments when interviewing and my dread (intuition/gut feeling) was bang on. Each time I took the dreaded job, it put me in a position of narc abuse and bullying. From professional jealousy, to isolation, to persecution. This last job was a mom/pop set-up and it was the husband who wanted me working in his wife’s department. I found out very quickly she didn’t want me to begin with (viewed me as a threat) and decidedly withheld critical training, her intention to make me look bad in her husband’s eyes. It also meant I could not keep up. Shifting made me stronger and level headed and able to confront her professionally. I also worked hard to forge good working relations and it was coworkers who helped me to fill in the missing training. But all that meant was her overtness turned covert and by proxy (coworkers – if they could get me to quit, they could have my shifts (they weren’t selling enough to justify the amount of shifts they were scheduling and employees were complaining starting to look elsewhere)). Then the abuse started coming from the husband. As soon as his wife finished her shift, he would enter the department and pitch fits about anything and everything, even nothing! It was so over the top, I actually thought it was comical. And that’s when I calmly resigned my position. Showing up powerful meant the heat was turned up on me big time. (Ultimately in the end for doing a good job?) I never thought about the fact that the AID is sometimes meant to redirect our path. I certainly fits my last scenario!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      Our deep inner programs can be very difficult to truly shift past logically.

      The true emancipation from them happens so much easier by doing the inner work directly on these subconscious programs.

      Then everything can change in your life experience, because your Inner Being is truly changed.

      If you haven’t already, I’d love you to hold my hand and come into my freewebinar where we deeply go through this.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps, and much love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • greenbnk@rogers.com'
        Nicole
        August 11, 2019

        Thank you, Mel, I’m definitely taking you up on your offer!

        Namaste
        Nicole

  • davidjonesmosaic@gmail.com'
    Duncan
    August 9, 2019

    Hi,
    I am currently facing this and it is chipping away at my health in a huge way. I have stopped responding as much as possible, but have gone from being confident and happy in my neighbourhood to dreading entering or leaving the house. It is very covert so I cant address the issue outright. There has been alot of nasty open behaviour without anyone else seeing it, though alot of it is very petty gaslighting. Earlier in the year she was leaving the dead flies from her windowsills on my porch, so that each morning I would find more and more. It got to about twenty. It was really hard not to look down at them as I walked out the door. I am waiting for the next thing now, and it has made me hypervigilant. I was able to rise above this particular episode, though others have been really nasty. When she goes quiet I am waiting for the next thing she thinks up.

    On a positive note, I am Moduling and although it has only been two weeks since I started the Course, and there are fall backs as well as move forwards, I am seeing results already. It is helping greatly with the physical impact of the stress and distress, as well as the mental and spiritual impact.

    Also, I am finding music to be helpful, and making sure that the house is a clean and hygge environment. In other words, I have been proactive in trying to combat the growing feeling of discomfort I was feeling in the house. Partiularly as I really love the house and dont want to move (and currently am unable to). In the future I probably will move, when finances allow. For now, I am doing all I can to be kind and gentle to my health.

    Thank you for this Thriver episode, identification! :).

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2019

      Hi Duncan,

      This is so great that you are doing the NARP modulling http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      If you keep addressing within all that is triggered by her in NARP healings, I promise you that you will know what to do and what not to do … and the dread will also leave you.

      This whole thing is going to start dissolving out of your experience, as you take your emotional calm and solidness back via releasing the trauma.

      There is such an up levelling breakthrough here for you if you keep working diligently at this.

      Sending love and power to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • davidjonesmosaic@gmail.com'
    David
    August 9, 2019

    Thankyou Mel 🙂

    Actually its David, I was worried someone might read it and guess it was me. Then I realised its not important.

    Feeling brilliant today, doing lots of Module 8.

    Look forward to the next episode, love Tiggy!

    David 🙂

  • iabanks@sky.com'
    Isobel
    August 11, 2019

    Thank you for your posts Melanie.
    Just a thought, I have had years and years of abusive victim mentality accusations from my sister and her husband. My Narc mother triangulated us and we have never been close enough to even communicate. I think my sister is just like my mother, and my mother kept her very close and accused me all my life of things I never did. My sister has taken on that role.
    As I am now responsible for the admin of my mother in a care home, with dementia, I have had to write everything down in polite emails, very similar to your example, and to copy it to our brother who lives half way across the world and does not get involved.
    But what happened was the sister and husband have managed to create a narrative now that it is my emails that are abusive etc because they do not like to be confronted with the truth. Anything I now list is labelled as “micro managing, controlling”
    So this has backfired on me.
    I have actually had to go completely no contact, but it is a mess. I will no longer engage in their put downs. Awful when it is your own family that you will never be close to. I assume it will never resolve.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 12, 2019

      Hi Isobel,

      It’s my pleasure.

      Sweetheart truly we dont have any control over other peoples versions of us, yet we can release their judgement and be and align with our own.

      My greatest suggestion to you is to stay No Contact and invest in NARP to truly detox yourself of their false versions and the trauma that has inflicted on you.

      Then you will be free to be you.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • iabanks@sky.com'
        Isobel
        August 14, 2019

        Thank you Melanie.
        I have invested in NARP. I listen to you as I swim which is my greatest love, that feeling of freedom gliding through the cool water, with you on my headphones! Life is so good now. Thanks to your marvellous insight and perspective which I think we all get to realise eventually. I only wish I had found your truth decades ago. And much love to you for all that you also had to go through.
        💜

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 14, 2019

          Isobel,

          I LOVE That.

          Wow I have never heard of anyone doing healing whilst swimming!! Walking, exercising, whilst doing yoga (I was never quite sure how with yoga I have to concentrate on the poses too much!) but swimming!!

          TOTALLY cool (pardon the pun!)

          Mel 🙏💞💛

  • jenniforlife1@gmail.com'
    Jennifer Mathew
    August 17, 2019

    As always, you never disappoint with your articles of wisdom. This is how I live my life now: “…every narcissist in your life is granting you a soul journey of incredible power, divinity and evolution – when you are prepared to turn inwards and do the work.” It’s hard to see how the intense suffering is a gift at first, b/c it’s so painful, but we do get there. I still have some kinks to work out now and then, b/c I was raised with an N parent, and that means working on many years worth of wounds, but I’m a healthy, happy, well-functioning person, well beyond what I would have been otherwise. I’ve really enjoyed NARP Gold and the empowerment series. I love living life creatively. Some people want to climb Mount Everest, and that’s great. I always wanted to climb My Mountain, Mount Recovery, and I have! And continue to! And I can climb Mt. Everest someday if I want, too!

    My question at this point is…do you have theories and ideas for physical pain, the unavoidable sort? The type of pain that comes naturally from, say, old age, or injury? I have been a big advocate for homeopathy and natural healing. Our bodies heal themselves, medicine doesn’t actually heal us, though it can provide very important temporary relief and support for healing. Can you discuss physical pain and emotional/psychological remedies or reducers for it? What kind of powers do we have to help ourselves, beyond the standard pain relieving drugs like codeine, morphine, etc.? Or if you could refer me to some quality reading on that topic? I’m not in pain right now, but am wanting to find better ways to deal with it when it comes. Thank you!!

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