Melanie Tonia Evans

Say These Three Powerful Words To Dispel Narcissists – Not My Reality

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 45
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


I know you may scream from the rooftops that narcissists are NOT your Reality.

You don’t WANT them in your life.

You can’t stand them and you’re firmly OVER them.

But why is THAT particular narcissist still making your life a living hell?

Or, if you did get free of that one, why can’t you seem to shake other narcissists off and have a life completely FREE of them?

Today, in this VERY important TTV Episode, I want to teach you WHY your ‘NO’ to narcissists may actually be a ‘YES’.

And HOW to once and for all, start living your life narcissist free. A life where you can honestly say and know ‘You are Not My Reality’.



Video Transcript

In today’s Thriver TV episode I want to talk to you about Law of Attraction.

What it really is and does with regard to narcissistic abuse, and how to finally say, embody and mean ‘Not My Reality’ – and effectively dispel narcissists forever.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get going…

When You Think You Are Saying ‘No’ but Aren’t

When you are trying to create an abuse-free life from a logical perspective, it’s very limited.

Your real-life experience will show you that what I am saying is true.

You may logically be saying ‘Not My Reality’ with intense passion and conviction, yet the narcissist’s antics, nastiness, and poison still continue in your life.

And no matter how much you declare you don’t want it and haven’t chosen it as your reality, it continues to be so.

Why is this your experience?

Because what is in your life experience is not being chosen by you logically. It is being called forth by you emotionally.

Much of this is unconscious. It is all to do with your almighty subconscious programs that not only control the billions of biochemical processes that define you as a living, breathing human being but also control, to the letter, your participation, application and connections in your life – both positive and negative.

Our painful inner traumas and beliefs are felt as fear, pain, righteousness and adamant ‘Nos’. These are the things we are most passionate about eliminating in our life.

Yet, the incredible irony is … these are the things that continue to enter our life experience over and over again.

I adored listening to an Ester Hicks message about making a pie in a kitchen many years ago, where a person was paranoid about the possibility of getting garlic in their pie.

Sure enough, garlic got in the pie.

The reason it got in the pie is because the ‘No’ that was being passionately declared was in fact a whooping great ‘Yes’. The subconscious program, with intense emotional energy of ‘garlic horrifies me’ connected to it, generated the reality of that subconscious program to the letter.

How the garlic got there is irrelevant. The almighty subconscious has unlimited permutations and ways available in The Field to unfold itself. Your subconscious fulfilling the subconscious program is as absolute as the Law of Gravity – and WILL always find a way!

Can you understand now that you vehemently declaring that the narcissist is not your reality, can make him or her even more so?

Should You Ignore What the Narcissist Does?

Okay, so does this mean that you are meant to ignore what the narcissist is doing so that you are not emotionally affected by their behaviour?

In my experience, it is a very rare individual who just decides to let it all go and actually manages to do so.

And this is where I am totally NOT a fan of the stock-standard Law of Attraction processes that are generally this: ‘Take your focus off what you don’t want and put it onto what you do want.’

When subconscious programs are entrenched in trauma energy, they activate survival programs. These survival programs mess significantly with our nervous and limbic systems and hijack not just our emotions but also our minds.

These inner programs, such as ‘The people who are supposed to love and care for me hurt me, abandon me, and even annihilate me’, have incredible power driving them. The cognitive mind is only responsible for 5% of our life, and it is the servant of the almighty subconscious not the master of it.

By trying to choose a new path that simply has a different ‘focus’, only makes the subconscious program reinforce itself more firmly.

This is why, in regard to trauma recovery, if we try to think ourselves into indifference, positivity and relief, it is a gruelling uphill battle that invariably leads to you sliding back into even more pain, helplessness and feelings of failure and being defective.

By trying to do this, when trauma is involved, we don’t get better, and we don’t do better or experience better.

Addressing the Horrible Reality In A Way That Works

Okay, so if we wish ‘Not My Reality’ to work for real with a narcissist, we know that adamantly declaring the statement doesn’t work. We know also that ignoring what is happening in your reality doesn’t work either.

The truth is: presently the trauma of the narcissist IS your reality.

How do we get the switch to ‘NOT my reality’?

By understanding where our reality REALLY comes from, which is from inside of ourselves. It unfolds from our all-powerful, subconscious programs that are interconnected with everything and everyone in The Field within our personal life experience.

Therefore, nothing that you do OUTSIDE of yourself – no pushing back or ignoring it – is going to work.

What is going to work, however, is changing your subconscious programs that are matching what is taking place with the narcissist.

How do we do that?

Much more simply than you can ever imagine. In fact, it requires no cognitive effort. All it takes is for you to take your focus off the outside world, which you have no control over, and move it onto your inner emotional world.

The ‘what hurts’ right now, in regard to what the narcissist is triggering off inside of you, IS the reality creating the reality.

Our subconscious programs appear in our consciousness, letting us know what they are via our emotions.

By using an effective Quantum Tool to reach your subconscious, emotional energy, you can load up and release this energy directly from inside of you.

This means you can LET IT GO.

And when you do this for real, it means the original belief systems that were underpinning the trauma energy, wrapped up in your Inner Being, leaves too.

This means the subconscious program no longer exists inside you.

This means it is no longer creating the validity of the painful belief in your life.

How do we know when we have effectively let go and eradicated a limiting, painful inner subconscious belief?

We know, because when we think about the thing that previously was hurting us, there is no painful energy on it anymore.

Let me explain…

Previously when we thought about what the narcissist was doing to us, it triggered pain, fear, dread and anxiety. The thoughts we had connected to this were of helplessness and powerlessness, no matter how much rage and righteousness we had onboard as defences.

After such a subconscious shift, when we think about what the narcissist did or is doing, those feelings of fear and pain are no longer there. We have completely different thoughts. We see it for what it is. We no longer have the internal match to personalise and internalise the behaviour, making it about us.

Now there is a separation – a distinctly different feeling.

Which goes like this: That is YOU, but this is ME!

Meaning: I am no longer sucked in, sucker-punched, triggered or handing power over. RATHER I am deciding and taking action regarding what IS my reality.

In certain cases, this may be doing nothing because there is no need to – you deeply know with your newfound wisdom inside that there is no point doing anything, responding or acting in any way.

Just starve it of energy.

This is not a logical decision. It is a solid, anchored inner knowing of the thoughts and feelings connected with your True Self state on the topic of this person in your life now.

Or, you may know deeply inside you that without the previous emotional derailment of your triggers, you can now factually, calmly and in a concise documented way, take action to create boundaries and accountability with this person.

And you have ZERO fear about their reaction to this.

And you know if fear does comes up – meaning that there is another inner subconscious program to be addressed – that you will turn inwards, go to it, and release it.

When you become the true inner subconscious programs of ‘Not My Reality’, and you say it as a calm, untriggered, solid inner state, you will feel, think and do in alignment with ‘Not My Reality’.

You will line up with all the ideas, inspirations, support, people, synchronicities, and even miracles, that unfold ‘more of that’.

Remember how your subconscious has unlimited access and availability to all the permutations of The Field in your reality, to help unfold the reality of the subconscious beliefs?

I promise you, with all my heart, that when you release the trauma that the narcissist is triggering within you – and all the painful beliefs that were connected with it organically leave your being as well – you will be able to say authentically ‘Not My Reality’. And you’ll be able to say this because that is the absolute truth of Your True Self and your True Life.

False selves and abuse are Not Your Reality.

Can you deeply feel into the results of addressing your reality where it is really going on?

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths, to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So please partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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32 Thoughts on Say These Three Powerful Words To Dispel Narcissists – Not My Reality
    August 29, 2019

    You can also access your own subconscious beliefs when you are dreaming. Not all dreams are this but over time you can discern when they are being shown to you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2019

      Hi Peace,

      I totally agree with this.

      Quite often as NARP members, we discover that dreams are showing us next wound to release, and by turning inwards and accessing the trauma charge – there it is, and bingo the next up-level happens.

      It is magical!

      Blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    August 29, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    THIS is so beyond Narcissistic Abuse Recovery.
    It’s about FULL RECOVERY from False Identity.

    I just released a victim belief last week.

    It took 24.5 hrs to fly a 4.5 hr route and I was livid.

    Feeling totally helpless, victimized, at the mercy of airlines. I incurred expenses, missed important meetings and was so angry that I was ready to pass out.

    I don’t like feeling like my power to be peaceful and joyful can ever be out of my control or in the hands of a situation or person.

    Then, I finally WENT QUANTUM.

    I remembered that we are all connected. We have one source. That if it was my family which couldn’t run this airline, I would be feeling compassion and mercy and empowered to find solutions rather than resentful and angry.

    It was not ” forgiving” in the classic sense. It was RETURNING to Original Creation: Heaven. Where we are all ONE.

    I went to heaven within and took the entire terminal with me. That is, I acknowledged the pure self of everyone involved with inspecting the plane.

    Within 10 minutes the plane was boarded and we were all on our way. After delays of 20 hours… Due to mechanical issues.

    This is not a coincidence. It was the direct effect of TRUTH on Darkness.

    To me, remembering that PEACE, LOVE and JOY reign within ME, and can be expressed without and effect the surroundings to conform to MY Internal REALITY is the POWER OF GOING QUANTUM

    We’re onto a very powerful freeing Life when we learn to go WITHIN and release Quantum TRUTH on Earth


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2019

      Hi Iris,

      I love your self-honesty.

      Your share is so wonderful Darling!

      How POWERFUL a shift.

      Our Kingdom is already here My Lady, we are just starting to realise how instant and miraculous this time is!

      Bring it on.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      August 30, 2019

      Awesome practice and illustration, Iris!

    August 29, 2019

    Ha! I thought you were going to say the three words were “I don’t care.” When I was working for a narcissist for 11.5 years, I fed him. Got mad, tried to fight back, you know, all the classic wrong responses. I finally figured out, through my acting class of all places, to just not react. He’d come out of the studio, and throw me an insult, an accusation, make a humliating comment about my love life, whatever, and I’d just say, “Uh huh.” Or, “Yep.” Or, “mmmm hmmmh.” Basically, I said “I don’t care.” He couldn’t take it. He finally got so mad at me, he laid me off. It’s not as bad as it sounds; I found it pretty amusing really. I finally got him. It felt great. The punch line to the whole story? He planned to wait for four months and then fire me; I think he wanted to fire me right before the holidays for extra pain. But I found out early in the four-month period his plans to let me go. I kept my mouth shut for four months, tried but couldn’t find another job in time, and had to let the chips fall. But the day before I was scheduled to be laid off, he found out I knew of his plans for four months. So I didn’t react with shock, or tears, or hurt; I had known all along! Boy, was he mad. That’s how sick he was; I deprived him of the chance to really injure me, and it infuriated him.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2019

      Ha ha Lyndra,

      I LOVE it…

      Especially mmmmm hmmmmh!! It’s like ‘whatever’!

      Well done you!

      Lots of love

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      August 29, 2019

      Lyndra – Thank you for your classic example of how it goes with a narcissist! LOL

    August 29, 2019

    Hi Melanie

    Bravo, you are a genius. Go gave me the three most powerful words to heal me from the inside out. It will now be like a mirror reflecting back at me. So within, so without. My healing is taking place on a fundamental level. Here because my gaslighting experiences with my narc I’m divorcing is not my reality. The bad gaslighting is not my reality. It’s his. All the nasty things he has done to me is not my reality because I have a choice to choose what I say, do and experience is my experience not his. I am not going crazy. This is not my reality.

    This is not my reality is my healing tool. It came to me at the right time. Thank you, thank you ❤️❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2019

      Hi Lee,

      that’s wonderful that you are feeling so empowered!

      I LOVE your level of detachment.

      Going Quantum indeed!!

      Love and blessings to you and please know it’s my pleasure.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    August 29, 2019

    Melanie – God bless you for your effort to heal and help those who have experienced and suffered from narcissism from loved ones. And acquaintances! You have helped me tremendously – and the continuing emails with differing insights continues to give me answers to questions that have plagued me for a lifetime.

    You are helping and healing so many – your effort is appreciated the world over!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2019

      Hi Vicky,

      I’m so pleased my material is helping you heal and break free.

      Thank you for your beautiful words.

      Love and blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    August 30, 2019

    Always love your vid’s Melanie! I always learn something new, and applying your methods is REALLY helping! Many heartfelt thanks for all the work you do. God Bless.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2019

      Hi Deborah,

      I’m so pleased it is!

      Blessings and love to you too

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    August 30, 2019

    Enjoyed the “not my reality” video. I have been subscribing to your videos and reading your blogs for about a year. Each video has been inspirational and helped me uncover my true reality. I left my thirty-year marriage to an altruistic narcissist and am in a relationship with myself and if is fun exploring the world through my new lens. I am having no contact and feel blessed to be given back my life.

    I am preparing for my divorce in March and am doing much of the work myself. My sons and I left our home covertly without money or assets and been cut off from joint bank accounts. The three of us are doing better than surviving in many ways and leaving him has been a blessing. I have gone no contact but am preparing to do battle in court with the narcissist and his lawyer over financial support. He will arrive in court with a lawyer who knows how to argue for his client. My narcissist earns four times my income and works in the business world. I am a nurse, caregiver for my special needs son and my world has been family. I have fears about going to court and being unable to support my family.

    I am wondering if you can provide me with some insights into “being” prepared for this kind of interaction. I need to win.


      August 30, 2019

      Hi Sadie,

      Just my two sense. Request the most benevolent outcome.
      There is a whole book on this subject that you can download for free.
      Here is a preview:

      Ask and it is given! “Just trust.”


        August 30, 2019

        Oh, and Melanie, this article is very resonant for me. I sure have learned a lot about detachment (while working to heal my inner programs), living
        with a narcissist roomie. Thanks so much for putting it all together so beautifully and clearly. You are helping so many on this path, you can feel good
        about that!

        Just wish my Mom had access to something like this, in her long sentence, I mean marriage to my narc father. Though I have studied psychology for much of
        my life, it is only in the last year or so I figured out just what was really going on with him. Of course, as a child, I tended to think was ll my/our fault for being
        so flawed as to trigger so much rage and hateful behavior in him. At least I know now that was NOT the reason! And so, onward…

        Abundant Blessings to you Melanie…


        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 30, 2019

          Hi Jen,

          thank you for your lovely words, and I sure do love that I get to help!

          Sending you and your Mum love, healing and blessings Jen

          Mel 🙏💕💛

            September 4, 2019

            I’m here to find ways to get out of a narc and abusive 32 year relationship. He used every tactic. Gaslighting is his favorite but he also likes demeaning accusing threatening economic ruin for me homelessness for me (after I had a cervical stroke and was diagnosed with a progressive condition)and vicious name calling. Last night he told me he wanted to kill me and I will never get away as he pushed me. I pushed him back and then realized what he was doing. LONG story about the progression to here… But I have wanted out for years. There is no affection or sex.. He now claims MAJOR mental trauma he recently shared with me. When I asked questions he turned to gaslight. I now do not believe anything he says. I th I k this is escallating. Last year I identified narcissist behaviour…but because of his desire to control he turned it on me. There us no adult convos with him. He avoids walks out of room and begins his attack. Screams at me open a the front door so the neighbors can hear his accusations. I now know he is a prescription addict and fails at attempts to deal with it alone. He sleeps all weekend and we have limited contact now. The uproar yesterday was because he attempted to destroy a antique table my mother gave me the denied any responsibility. He is NEVER responsible for anything. I do all the maint on the house I owned before I knew him. He says its his house now since I don’t work. He ambushes the bank account ad we live paycheck to paycheck demands a 12ok of coke a day and began a cigarette habit we cannot afford. He lied constantly. All this and more. Why am I still there? I’m 66 have health problems ( he has contributed to) and no cash. I want to sell the house but I need a new roof. He WILL NOT fix anything and it leaks in everyroom now. Over my bed 2 days ago. I have made attempts to fix myself. I am responsible to make ends meet ( without $) after work he comes home and I serve him on a tray while he lays in the guest bedroom and eats- this is a daily thing. I blame myself ( not good enough) reinforced by accusations and name calling, blame his drugs…etc. But I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS CHOICES. HE CHISE THUS….NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. Now that MY kids are all married it has gotten a lot worse. Now I’m hearing about their abuse and I am beside myself with guilt. I worked 16 hour days for 18 years BEFORE I helped him get his job. Now he says I must leave not him and
            MY house us now his. I’m to the pint I just want him to go. .I want nothing from him….and if I can get the house fixed I will sell it and the proceeds will help me start over- at 66. I regret not seeing this narc behavior…being scared….helpless. Etc. When I was younger. People: don’t make excuses if it quacks its a duck. Get out NOW. don’t wait til your life is done as I have. I tried to ” fix it” with prayer and everything else.. Cant change a person who CHOSES to hurt others. I’m now praying that God will give me another chance to live. I need a job and a place to live. I may just walk away from MY stuff. But he has a govt job retirement health….and I gave to fight for a house that MY family bought. I have, by MY choice, no contact with his family as they abused my children….I found this out from my son at age 35. I was didn’t see it and I was very protective….never dreamed his siblings were perverts….my son says his sisters kept watch while his brother sexually abused my 6 year old and 2 tear old sons. They are not his children. I now am basically alone. People – get out….you may not know the half of it. Since his abuse has escalated toward me I believe its because no kids to blame anymore. He defends his brother and sisters calling my boy a liar after my son held in for 32 years! I want my stuff and the abuser gone.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2019

      Hi Sadie,

      I’m so pleased my videos have helped.

      How wonderful that you are loving and living your life!

      Sadie, my greatest suggestion to you is to work with NARP

      NARP is a tiny investment in relation to you getting trauma-free on the inside, solid, empowered and fearlessly able to emotionally disconnect, and deal. That is THE powerful combination, that when delivered succeeds against narcissists like no other.

      The most successful people in this community, dealing with N’s in property, custody and legal disputes, work with NARP.

      The results are like Day and Night – compared to people who don’t.

      Also, you will have access to the NARP Private Forum Members, who not only have succeeded, but also can grant you the best information and support regarding how to.

      That truly will be invaluable to you going forward.

      Sending you love and power

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      John S
      August 30, 2019

      Hi Sadie,

      Not to discourage you but to warn you. I’ve been to court with my ex wife and was SHOCKED to find out that a narcie will LIE, in court, under oath, right to a judge’s face. And do it convincingly.

      She had a high priced attorney, too. Here’s what you need:

      Proof of all you facts. Photos, documents, texts, Facebook posts, handwritten notes and diaries.

      My ex wife had threatened to commit suicide and left a note (she never intended to go through with it. It was just another way for her to intimidate me).

      In court, under oath, I testified that she had attempted suicide. When it was her turn to testify, she denied ever doing so. My attorney pulled out the note, which I saved, as evidence. The judge read it and agreed that it was a suicide note and said my ex lied under oath.

      He ruled in my favor because my ex was a proven liar. Once you lie in front of a judge, none of your testimony is considered credible.

      I hope and pray that all goes well for you in your court battle.

      Peace be with you.

      -John S

    John Suhr
    August 30, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    Wow, I never knew what a narcie was before until I saw your videos. I can watch one video after another and each one perfectly describes my ex-wife. The story of my marriage played out on your YouTube channel! I didn’t know this was some sort of condition. I asked my family doctor about her and he thought she was bipolar.

    Does narcissism and bipolar go hand in hand? They are some similar traits.

    Found an awesome church that’s bringing me support, peace and healing. Not dating again yet, but I think I’ll be ready when the right one comes along.

    Thanks so much for your videos and looking forward to seeing more!

    Take care,

    John S

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2019

      Hi John,

      truly unless this person had a professional analysis we can’t diagnose. In my opinion, Narcissists act like bipolar people – in that they have swings of highs and lows (full of narcissistic supply or not), yet bipolar people don’t necessarily have the conscienceless and nasty ability to manipulate, scheme, lie and hurt people that narcissists do.

      Suffice to say that if someone is not healthy for us, not able to take responsibility, be remorseful, or accountable and is not willing to heal and change – then a happy healthy time with them is not possible.

      Which means we have to heal and get aligned enough to say ‘Not My Reality’.

      Truly the diagnosis doesn’t mean anything at the end of the day – selfish, narcissistic or bipolar, or otherwise.

      Sending you love and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

        John S
        August 30, 2019

        Thanks, Melanie!

        My family doctor never met my ex, so he could only go by what I told him. Bipolar seemed to make sense at the time – until I found out about narcissists, which is a more accurate description of her behavior.

        Thanks so much for sending the love and healing – it goes a long way!

        Take care,

        -John S

    August 30, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    This is quite possibly my favorite of all of your Blog entries I’ve ever watched/read. The reason being that, it is super appropriate and timely to my current situation. In fact, the evening before the e-mail notification landed in my inbox, I actually had a thought of something very similar to what you wrote here. I thought about some things a narcissist/sociopath/whatever this human being I unfortunately know is, had said and did to me, and I could clearly feel anger at the injustice flare up in me. And then I asked myself, if this is so clear to me, why am I still uncertain and worried? And then I realize that on another, more abstract level, that some ingrained beliefs I have left over from goodness knows how long, are still communicating that I do want more of this mistreatment in my life. Although I’m not totally clear on my beliefs on the law of attraction, I’ll always remember hearing that the universe doesn’t really listen to “don’t’s”, or negatives–that if you communicate, “I don’t want blah blah blah,” you’ll get whatever that is.
    And then I read this blog and it really resonateed!
    The garlic in the pie metaphor was really good and had me contamplating it for a while.
    Another message that has come to me twice just in the past couple days, which I feel is related, is the one about making decisions based on moving towards what you love, instead of away from what you fear. So I think that I should work on becoming the kind of person I’ve know for a long time that I want to be: healthy, whole, strong, with boundaries, can be assertive, and a source to myself of everything that’s always felt missing. As opposed to spending time worrying about how to get away from or avoid the narcissist.
    I have to admit though, I do have fear around what I should do if he does take his continued refusal to accept my No Contact to the physical level and shows up at my place. How to set a boundary without enraging him, or making him laugh if I say I’m going to call the police? But I am trying to trust that if and when that does happen, I will be ready; or even that if I am ready, it won’t even happen at all. Turning inwards is super important too when it comes to emotions.
    I have NARP, am using it and it is helping me in the transformation I am already feeling in myself.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2019

      Hi Janie,

      I am so pleased that this one hit the spot!

      So great you are anchoring in, going to work more with NARP and becoming your strongest and most authentic you.

      Calling the police means you do just that – Intervention Order … truly. Do it and mean it and he will relaise ‘no more’.

      Love, blessings and power to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    August 31, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    Up until I found your site a couple of days ago I felt alone and defeated. I had been watching a lot of YouTube videos on narcissism but yours stands out among the rest and I now feel as if there is hope for me to recover from the depression and pain I endure each and every moment of each and every day.
    I was married to a crazy man for four years, tried to get out a couple of years ago but when I realized he would never sign the divorce papers, I gave up and let him return home. With the help of my older sister who majored in psychology, I spent the next two years determined to make HIM miserable enough to sign the divorce papers and leave ME. It was a difficult two years to say the least, many days and nights I cried silently hiding in my bathroom, determined to never let him see me sweat, I was horrified but eventually he signed the papers and then I literally had to kick him out of my house after the divorce was over, he did not want to leave because it meant he would have to take financial responsibility for himself as I was the bread winner and paid for everything but he his finally gone. He immediately hooked up with someone else and from what I can see from our shared cell phone bill, he is now in the process of love bombing his new supply. I don’t mean a few calls here and there, I’m talking 30 calls a day and speaking on the phone an average of 7 hours a day, I mean what kind of a person does that?? I don’t know why I did this but I hired a detective to check the number of the person on the call log that he talks to and learned he has been having an affair with a 31 year old MAN (my ex is 58) so it turns out not only was my husband a covert narcissist, he is a gay, lying, cheating covert narcissist and apparently this relationship was going on under neath my nose for a very long time as I recall him chatting on his cell with this man right in front of me, laughing giggling all the while I had no idea. I cannot begin to tell you how disturbing it all is. There is a part of me that wants to reveal I know the truth and humiliate him but doing so could have consequences not to mention I am rather afraid for my safety as there is very little record regarding the boyfriend, he is an immigrant using an alias name and for all I know he could be just as crazy as my ex and I could be putting myself physical harm’s way. I must tell you I put up a very tough fight to get through all of this but now that it is finally over I am depressed and damaged. Some days I just don’t feel I can go on. I only go to work and then come home and lock myself in my house until I have to go back to work again. I have no desire to interact with anyone or do anything. I just want you to know I am going to work HARD to recover from what he put me through and that with your program, I believe it is possible I may feel whole again someday. I never imagined in my entire anyone could be as cruel and heartless as he was and at other times I’m missing the days when I thought he loved me but none of it was ever true or real, it was all a big lie, him using me for his needs, me blinded, weak and not very smart abt any of it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2019

      Hi Rita,

      I’m so pleased you found my community!

      Awww sweetheart, a person who does that is a needy empty void getting supply off another person. It’s sad but usual for N’s.

      I am so pleased that you are ready to heal, please know myself and this community and NARP are with you all the way Dear Lady.

      You’ve got this.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    Jutta Numata
    September 1, 2019

    I have the narp program. Some months ago I
    Cut contact. I stopped and Started narp program I am a normally busy person so I do struggle with that. I want to get through it. How many sessions a week do you think is good? How few will still feel worthwhile? I did first module about six times. How do I know when to move on to Module 2??I got a bit overwhelmed because I don’t have an hour and a half so easily. But if you would be able to answer me, it would really help. Thank you. I know you know what your program is doing is the right way to heal, I know that in my bones!!! My narc is also an addict, and v traumatised. . It was traumatic to say the least. Everything like trauma and addiction was so obvious, until the narcissistic stuff became clear and then it all just hit me what I was dealing with. I’m not in any contact and have been withdrawing proudly and painfully. That’s as far as I’ve got. Thanks Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 2, 2019

      Hi Jutta,

      Please know that the new NARP version 3 has 30 minute healings that are even more effective and powerful than NARP version 2.

      They are so portable that you can do these on lunch breaks or at any time that you do have a spare half an hour.

      Your upgrade Jutta, is free and you will have received emails about it.

      But no problem, my wonderful support team can help you get connected if you email and explain that you require your upgrade. You will be given the details for your on-line platform where all of these new healings are.

      Also for all of your guidance and coaching with NARP which comes also for FREE within your Gold Membership, is the NARP Members Forum, where you have unlimited, lifetime access to get help and questions answered and powerful healing suggestions from the best N-recovery minds in the world.

      To access this Private Forum go here:

      I hope this helps and much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    Marian Hordal
    September 8, 2019

    could you send me your narc in court letter Thanks Looks like that is where i am headed!

    September 26, 2019

    I just found you Melanie and this is so helpful I have an 88 year old dad who just today used his long standing narcissism to interfere in my life by coming over (after we agreed he would not) to tell my plumber, who I was paying, what to do! And went into a long…woe is me as I”m so smart even though not a plumber but an engineer…. that I (his daughter) would think not to ask his advise. Oh ….

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