Trauma powerfully affects human emotion.

When carrying unhealed trauma, your ego gets the concentrated, unlimited feed of what it desires – pain, suffering, limitation, depression, anxiety, drama, struggles and battles.

The darkness feeds your ego and keeps you from reaching your full potential.

You become your own worst enemy.

In my latest Thriver TV episode, I go directly to the heart and explain that you are not connected to higher wisdom, synchronicity, solution or miracle when this happens. I also show you how to tap into the oneness of the infinite wisdom of Source to reach your highest and best potential, expansion and well-being.

The ego is your internal narcissist – stop feeding it!



Video Transcript

Today, I’m going to have a critical conversation with you. And this is one of my favourite episodes to do, and I love talking about this stuff because this is what really gets to the heart of the matter and is the absolute truth of things.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that we can all be our own worst enemy. Today you’ll learn why this is the truth and how to bypass this internal enemy, your ego, who you may not have realised wants you to stay in suffering. You’re also going to learn why your ego wants you to suffer.

Before we get started, I quickly want to touch on the reason why there are so many Thriver recoveries in this community that are just completely not like contemporary recovery, the much faster period to that, humbly, is because of the Quanta Freedom Healing which is a part of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program known as NARP, which releases the traumas and painful programming that has kept you in abuse cycles.

It completely frees your life from these programs, just as I and thousands of others in this community have been set free. So you can check this out by going to the link with this video or the show notes. All right, let’s get going with today’s episode.


Why Do We Have An Enemy Within?

Why do we have an enemy within? We live in a reality of duality, dark and light, literally. The human experience on this planet has been very traumatic. There’s been pain, death, destruction, powerlessness, helplessness, displacement, aggression, and fundamental reasons why you fear being in your body in this life and sharing this planet with other human beings.

Trauma is a powerful human emotion, and trauma is synonymous with the human experience. And we also know through our Quantum and neuroscientists now that we genetically acquire it from our ancestors. We have it embedded in all of us. It’s fed to us through the fear porn, our media channels, our history, and future threats, and it creates beliefs and ways of being that keep the trauma going.

We know from the Quantum truth reality now of so within, so without, that what we believe and feel is how we show up, as well as what we choose and what we continue to participate in, wrestle with, and try to change from the outside in, to try and find emotional peace and wholeness within.

We’ve been doing that unconsciously whilst being stuck in trauma, feeling and believing that our life is unsafe and continuing to experience more trauma, and then having incredible defence mechanisms within, trying to protect ourselves and keep safe. I will explain to you soon why it hasn’t been working.

So suffice now to let you know that our ego is activated when we have internal trauma, and our defence mechanisms are activated.


Ego – The Opposite Of Infinite Connection

Now, what is ego? The ego is the opposite of an infinite connection. I love what the late Wayne Dyer used to use as the acronym for ego, and he called it “Edging God Out.” I agree that when the ego is activated, we’re in the amygdala, the back of the brain, and cortisol and adrenaline are the chemicals we’re generating.

We have limited infinite intelligence because we’re activated to fight, flee or freeze. They’re very primitive responses, where all our Life Force is drained from our brain and goes into our limbs and extremities.

When this happens, we are not connected to higher wisdom, synchronicity, solution or miracle. Meaning we’re not able to tap into the oneness of the infinite wisdom of Source, which is everything and everyone, including ourselves, which has the resources and capacity to conspire to grant us more of what Source always intended for us, which is our highest and best potential, our true Life Force, health, expansion and well-being.

In other words, the actualisation of your True Self and True Life is the Source flowing through you, as you, as your highest potential.

When you are activated into survival programs, your ego takes you over, which means you’re not operating in the light and the expansiveness of Source. In stark contrast, you’re in the darkness, and the light is shut off.

It’s in the darkness and shadows that your ego can have its way with you, and that’s where it generates within you and keeps you in fear and pain.

Now, why does your ego do this? This is an important question because your ego is a dark entity. It’s the part of you that is not your True Self, and it’s cut off from creation, Source, God, or your higher power, and it’s a False Self. The internal part of the duality within you comprises dark and light, and that is the darkness.

People think their ego is their intelligence and ability to be logical. Your ego is not expanded analytical intelligence at all. It’s prehistoric logic that’s stuck in limited survival programs, which of course, is very helpful if you’re going to be chased by a wild animal. You need the power in your extremities to get up a tree when you need a boost of adrenaline and cortisol.

Apart from that physical survival mechanism, your ego, when activated, is cutting you off from God and Source and all of the field in the Quantum world, which can be supportive as the extended part and power of you that’s in the light. Your ego doesn’t have access to that, and it doesn’t have access to any more than its limited, small, fearful self.

When carrying unhealed trauma, your ego gets the concentrated little feed of what it desires – pain, suffering, limitation, depression, anxiety, drama, struggles, and battles. That’s what the darkness is.

I’d like to understand the following understanding, which I hope you can accept now.


Your Ego Is The Internal Narcissist

This is huge when you get this. Your ego is the internal narcissist. When your trauma is activated, and your ego is being fed and energised with your fear and your pain and your defence mechanisms, and the sense of separation from self, life and others, when all of that is going on, then your internal ego – the internal narcissist – is in control.

I streamed a Thriver TV episode on what the ancients called Wetiko a while ago. If you still need to read Wetiko or have tapped into it or my information about that, please don’t hesitate to let me know in the comments below because it’s essential.

If you haven’t, check it out because it’s going to grant you a deeper understanding of the infiltration of the trauma within humanity and how ego is the psychic virus, and how it has separated us from our True Self, our True Power and True Source, and how it cuts us off from the light, and plunges us into the darkness.

Your internal narcissist – just like the external narcissist – does not want you to find God, Source, your higher power. It doesn’t want you to become your own Source of self through True Source and the unlimited resources of light that will collaborate to grant you more of being the light – the being that you’re born to be.

Like the external narcissist, the internal narcissist wants to keep you trapped in pain, helpless, dependent, and trying to get your own wholeness through false props and situations that don’t grant you wholeness and self but just keep you more powerless, dependent, and trapped.

Why? Because then the internal and external narcissists can keep sucking your Life Force dry, feeding off you.

These are the exact reasons you may be self-sabotaging, that you don’t follow through on your own promises or healing to yourself, that you talk to yourself horribly with incredible self-judgment, disgust, and maybe even self-hatred.

These are why you give yourself every excuse not to heal and do the inner work, to let go of your trauma and connect back to True Source. This is also why, when you think about doing the inner work, terror emerges and feelings like, “Who will I be without my trauma?”

In my new Thrive membership group, we did a beautiful live session, a question and answer, and somebody asked this ubiquitous question, “Who will I be without my trauma?”

My answer was, “This is your ego asking the question. It’s terrifying, as it should be. And the answer is yes, ego, you are going to be non-existent, you’re not going to get your food, and you will dissolve, which is a great thing.”

Of course, the ego is terrified of this. Just like any external narcissist in your life, who you detach from, starve, and you no longer feed them your fear and pain. And when you heal yourself up, they’re terrified because they are no longer going to be able to actively feed off you and keep your trauma bonded as a Source of narcissistic supply as their food – which is your pain and fear. Then they cannot be in your reality anymore, and neither will your internal narcissist.

So who will you really be without your ego? You’ll be your True Self. Once this False Self, this impostor, this darkness that isn’t your Source self, when loses power over you – meaning that you will come home – you will start to feel whole and safe in your body and this life.

You will know how to generate more wholeness, health, authenticity and well-being, and you will learn how to detach and stop feeding the energy of pain and fear to people in situations and yourself who aren’t your True Self.

This is so interesting when you understand this because Quantum Law returns to so withinso without. We think, and we did think, we always felt that we were trying to escape the external narcissist, but our internal narcissist kept us connected to them the entire time.


Do I Need My Ego?

I know this can be confusing, and you may have been taught to believe that your ego is a good thing and you need to befriend it and all of that stuff. I will explain how I discovered it because when we ask, “Do I know I need my ego?” Do you need it? You may think that you need your ego.

Please take it from me, or you don’t have to. This is why you will not lose anything about yourself by dissolving your ego. In stark contrast, you become so much more. You expand into a self, life and potential far from where you were previously. You go Quantum, and you will have more intelligence and power.

Let’s just get very clear about what ego really is. It doesn’t just mean a person who’s egotistical and full of themselves, and that’s the overt narcissistic False Self. Your ego has also been your fear and defence mechanism, and it’s the part of you that feels small, insecure, unsafe, and cut off from Source.

In victimised beliefs and feelings, your ego is fully activated. Wetiko and the information about that explain it perfectly and in much greater detail. And why are we in that state? It’s because of the unhealed trauma within, and it’s not until you go inside to free yourself of the trauma that you will know how powerful and safe and incredible your life is without your defence mechanisms.

Ironically, the defences that you thought were keeping you safe were actually attracting to you more of the things that you were trying to protect yourself from because you’re vibrating at the belief systems and the trauma bonds that match the things that you’re trying to defend yourself from.

Your ego will convince you that you need fear to be safe. I want you to think of this metaphor. It’s a straightforward example of how Wrong Town that is. Imagine you’re losing control of a car, fully activated in fear, and you can see a tree coming up because you’ve gone off the side of the road. You will likely steer straight into that tree in fear and panic. Yet, if you’re calm, solid in your body, and you’re untriggered, you can take the actions to get control of the car and do exactly what you need to do to stay safe and alive.

Life is exactly the same. When you’re triggered by your ego into survival programs, you are the most likely to hand your power away and absolutely cooperate with precisely the thing you’re trying to avoid. You add to it, and you throw fuel on the fire. You play straight into the hands of somebody who is triggering, abusing, and hurting you.

You are exactly like prey with a lion who emits the pheromones of terror. You act like prey that incites the lion to rip you to pieces, and that’s what fear does.

Think about it, this is what’s been happening with the external narcissist and what’s happening with the internal narcissist. It’s Quantum Law. You are getting more of who you are being. This is why to change your life, you need to change your being.

I hope I’ve helped convince you because I lived this, and I know how true it is that having released my triggers and traumas, solid inner knowing has replaced fear and pain. I am effective and can act intelligently, calmly, and solidly with life’s challenges. I now have access to solutions rather than handing my power away and continuing to get throttled.

My ego did not help me at all, and it just set me up for more pain, exactly what it wanted. It’s a lie that you’ve been fed that has been destroying you, that you need to hang on to your defence mechanisms, ego, fear, and pain.

When you start working to free yourself of the trauma your ego has been feeding off, parasitising off within you, you will see an incredible difference.



How To Get Free Of Your Ego?

The million-dollar question is, how do you get free of your ego?

I’d like to put it to you like this because you know you’ve experienced this. You know you can’t beat a real-life, external narcissist in your life by arguing with them, wanting to outsmart them, one-up them or lecturing or prescribing to them. If you do that, all you’ve done is fed them energy and attention, which makes them more prominent and worse in your life, and it provides them.

How do you defeat external narcissists? It’s very simple when you understand this, you turn within and meet, load up and release the trauma inside you that’s keeping you hooked into them, which literally means that you’re exorcising everything about you that is triggered by them from out of your inner being.

So how do you free yourself of the internal narcissist generating negative emotions, beating yourself up, self-sabotaging and disowning yourself, self-abandoning and self-avoiding? You do exactly the same thing and target, release and reprogram everything that hurts. And you can do that so effectively with NARP.

Let me give you some tips. Those of you working with NARP and some specific healing shifts that you can do on your own Inner Being to release yourself from your internal narcissist. The biggest thing your internal narcissist is going to try and do is it’s going to give you all the reasons why not to heal yourself from returning to Source because then it can’t have its way with you.

When you’re giving yourself excuses not to do the inner work and not to heal, you can use this, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my fear of meeting my emotions.” That can target trauma with Module One, or the Source Healing and Resolution Module is really powerful.

Or you can do, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my impatience, my anxiety (whatever negative feeling it is) when I try to sit down and do a healing on myself,” or “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my feelings that I’ll never heal, there’s too much to heal, or I can’t heal.” Okay, so that will help.

Now, when your internal narcissist keeps you going back into behaviours that you know hurt you but you just can’t seem to stop doing them, you can do this, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my urge to smoke or drink or eat or make contact with this abusive person again,” whatever it is.

And when your internal narcissist procrastinates over your inner healing, you can use this intention with Module One or the Source Healing and Resolution Module, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my excuses to self-avoid and self-abandon myself.”

I hope that can help. A few of you have said that giving you some specific shifts really helps in these videos. So I hope that that can.


The TRUE Bottom Line

I hope that this has given you a deeper, truer picture of what’s really going on and that the internal narcissist, of course, will provide you with every reason, and it will self-sabotage you. It doesn’t want you to turn inwards to release the trauma that is the food that allows it to take hold and operate within you. I hope you understand why this internal parasite doesn’t want you to heal.

The bottom line is that when you understand what’s going on, Wetiko, and this whole human condition, you truly can heal. Know that this has because of the trauma trapped in our body that’s been the human experience, that’s been generating the way that we feel and think, and that it’s been feeding and keeping our ego activated, keeping a hold on us. It’s been separating us from the true magnificence of who we were born.

Your ego will grant you every reason why you need it in your life. Think about this. It’s no different to a cigarette, convincing you that you can’t live without it when you’re stressed, whilst it’s destroying you.

It’s the same as a narcissist telling you you depend on them. You can’t live without them. You’ll be nothing without them, while they’re reducing you to nothing by being in their life. I promise you, your internal narcissist is exactly the same. It’s an impostor, and it’s not who you really are.

It’s the darkness here on earth that we’re all here to face, hold, load up, release and replace with the light so that we can meet our birthright of being heaven on earth, not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones, for the collective, and for this entire planet. It’s the time right now to take our Souls and our lives back so that we can be who we are – The source flowing through us as us.

When you commit to that, you will not have abuse in your life from within or without, and you will evolve beyond the abuse of yourself, which is true freedom.

I hope this has made sense to you. I’m really looking forward to a conversation about this. You may want to play this back a few times and go to Wetiko to check it out. The shifts I’ve given you could give people working with NARP a super boost in their ascension back home to themselves without the impostor or ego.

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Commments (38) + Leave a comments

38 thoughts on “The Internal Narcissist: Why Your Ego Wants You To Suffer

  1. Hi, thank you for this resource 🙏🏻 I’m unable to find the link mentioned in this paragraph “ A while ago, I wrote an article on what the ancients called Wetiko, and I’m going to put up the link in the show notes. If you haven’t read Wetiko, if you have, let me know in the comments below, if you’ve tapped into Wetiko or my information about that, because it’s really important.” – may I ask where it can be found? Thx in advance 🙏🏻

      1. Thank you so much Melanie – looking forward to reading 📖 🙏🏻

        Have a wonderful day 🌸🙏🏻

        Kristina x

    1. Hi Kristina, the link in the paragraph you mentioned is the word ‘Wetiko’. Its in a different colour to the rest of the text ( a turquoisey colour). Just click on the word itself andit should open the page reffering to ‘Wetiko’.

      with blessings

        1. Thank you Mark 🙏🏻

          Perhaps my phone teased as I did indeed click the turquoise ’wetiko’ yesterday but to no avail alas ☺️

          However, it works perfectly today – so all is well 🙏🏻

          Kristina x

  2. Your blogs are so well written and inspiring! Thank you! And I would also be interested in the Wetiko link you mentioned.

  3. Dear Melanie!
    On the wall above my desk I have a Cherokee poem that was written sometime ago. It is entitled Two Wolves. It is about the inner battle between the two “wolves” inside us all.
    According to the legend one is evil and the other is good.
    So goes the legend….
    One is evil: it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and EGO…
    The other is Good:
    It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith….
    After telling the story to his grandson the grandson asked his grandfather “which wolf wins”?
    The old Cherokee simply replied:
    “The one you feed”
    I think there is some correlation there with what you gave to us today!
    Thank you Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️

  4. The Bible calls the ego pride. This means that as a victim of a narcissist, we believe that we have the power to fix the narcissist, to meet our needs. We believe we are good and strong when we suffer. In doing this, we place ourselves in the position of God (higher power). This is the sin of idolatry. By saying no to the external narcissist, we die to self, essentially we put the internsl ego to death, giving the narcissist over to God. This is very painful, yet very freeing as well. I now do not involve myself in matters that are too difficult for me. I leave the narcissist to God and ask God to replace my pain with his Holy Spirit, which is real internal strength.

    1. Thanks for your wisdom!!! I’ve been struggling with my narc and because he is a believer of God was hoping him to change.. 😪
      Thats God job not mine. Ive tried too long to dance with his devils, allmost destroided me.
      I let go of him by the blood and the name of Jesus 🔥

  5. Fantastic Blog Melanie. I’ve been doing NARP for years and it’s saved my soul but am on Thrive now and this program has taken me to another level altogether. Thrive has helped me understand the Internal Narcissist and so many other things that you explain so clearly. Strangely enough last night I was working on my healings and in one very painful and hard to get shift I felt what I would describe as a parasitic force running through my body and then a tiny part in the back of my brain telling me it was annihilated. When I stayed with it , it moved and from behind it dark spirit like energy came flying out. I released it through the healings , had a little cry and feel so calm today, then your blog. The shifts I am getting now are extraordinary. And it is fascinating. I couldn’t get that for a long time, it was just about getting the pain out. Thank you for this God given program. I hold and send so much Gratitude to you and the MTE team. What you do has blown me away and I know that through this work I am being connected back to God, I’m going home ❤️

    1. Hi Ballagh,

      it’s awesome that you are NARPing and are loving Thrive!

      I couldn’t be happier for you Ballagh that your shifts are so positively impactful now.

      You are doing a wonderful job!

      So much love to you and thank you for your share!

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  6. Just when I think you can’t get any better or have much more to say ,you do yet again the best blog you’ve ever done.This was totally enthralling and I could feel the total truth in it .I keep my fears to myself ,experiencing them mainly at night and in dreams and don’t talk about them but you know them and you name them and speak directly to me through this blog.Thank you for naming my fears here and making sense of it all.I totally get what you are saying and it makes so much sense

  7. I seem to find your encouraging and supportive emails in my inbox whenever most needed.
    Thank you Melanie, your help is comforting and caring.

  8. I just watched the Wetiko episode you mentioned. It provided a very useful experience of the shift in attention/awareness that is at the core of healing.


  9. Thank you Melanie for this very core insight! I had to watch late last night and it helped me transform a day I had yesterday where I was caught up in the grip of inner narc addictive feelings of anger and pain. Moved through this and shifted out of that with greater clarity. All a treadmill going nowhere, certainly not the path God has for me!
    Thank you also Lena and Peter for your shares above.

  10. Hi Melanie,
    So much of the excellent teaching that you present matches Christian teaching and thinking. Christ said that whoever would say his/her life must lose it….that would be letting go of that inner narcissist. St. Paul in Romans 7 bemoans that the good he would do he does not because the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, but concludes this chapter on the battle of good and evil in a person with the triumphant claim “Thanks be to God who gives us the victory in Jesus Christ.” Your “So within, so without” definitely matches Christian thinking and our need to be open to the power of the indwelling Spirit of God who will enable us to be our true selves….children of God. Thanks for the excellent work you are doing . God bless you and may God continue to make you a blessing to millions of people.

    1. Hi Charles,

      I agree and I love that truth is truth – no-one has a monopoly on it!

      The truth is available for all of us, if we just open up to receive it, rather than judging and separating from each other.

      Thank you for your beautiful comment and so much love to you Dear Man.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  11. Thank you Melanie, once again your information has proved invaluable on my journey of healing and awakening. “There is no outside” has become a mantra for me now, and is revolutionary. I am working the NARP program slowly. I come across blockages where nothing changes with the NARP program and so take time out for a while, until a shift occurs on another level and I can come back and continue. One of the biggest blockages to be cleared many times, has been multi-dimensional interference. I have learnt a few things on this journey. I come from a Cabal/ Deep State family and realise that ALL of my family (parents and 3 brothers) were narcissistic and I was “supply” for them. We all experienced mind control/torture (human and non human) which creates a false self and disconnection from Source. I experienced the most torture as I kept resisting. As my father said on his death bed to me, I was the only one strong enough to resist and was deeply wounded. “There is no outside”. I am realising that the “heaviness” that I feel within in the “separation” from Source / false identity/programmed part of me. The True Self part embraces this heaviness in consciousness with compassion, and is One with Source . As I heal the inside, the outside heals. It is One. I have had difficulty embracing and forgiving the Cabal actions both to me personally and to all humanity, especially the child trafficking etc. I sense that as I heal the “darkness/trauma” within me, this will allow me to embrace and forgive the “darkness/abuse” outside and bring Light into the Darkness. It is my deep desire and commitment to live my True Self now. I continue the journey. Thank you, Melanie your words ring true for me.

    1. Hi Katherine,

      Oh gosh, your journey has been sooo deep and dark.

      I validate all that you talk about, and completely know that what you speak about is the truth.

      I salute your bravery and I know that people like yourself breaking out of such darkness and evil into the Light are here to help free humanity, as well as yourself.

      Please know that you can shift the other-dimensional abuse, by targeting the traumas in your body generating “that” whatever it is that you wish to shift … you don’t need to name it, all you need to do is feel it in your body. Please know it can shift. (I have shifted many traumas in my body at this level also).

      Sending you so much love and healing, and I am honoured that you found your way to our incredible community.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  12. Thank you so, so much, Melanie, for this Thriver TV epsiode. It was EXACTLY what I needed today. It was the answer to the nagging doubts inside me and it helps me in enormous ways. I´m so grateful for your work!! Thank you so much that you are giving this huge, huge gift to us.

  13. Hi Melanie,
    This was powerful to hear and helped me to realize how I have internally been self sabatoging myself in so many way’s. I have recently left my Narcisistic husband and am staying with my Son (alittle over a month now). It happened quickly and was spirit guided. Everything that I had been praying for fell into place to help make it so. It has been traumatic and I felt pretty numb for a couple weeks and still do as far as my spiritual practices and connection to source. I feel void of feelings still. I haven’t come home to myself yet. I have been doing the module work and your episode and guidance today will help me to better release that internal Narcisist and further bring me back home to self. I, unfortunately, still have to stay connected with my husband due to our home we bought. I keep it to short quick text replies and little phone contact.

    I would love some help here. I don’t understand how to get in on your Forum you have. I have looked at it a couple of times now. There have been times I really needed to connect with someone experiencing the feelings that are going through me with all of this. I was really traumatized when I first left. It didn’t seem real. My husband is still holding out that I will come back to him.

  14. More than just light vs dark, people are more like a four faced chimera with more complex or nuanced aspects.

  15. Funny how anytime I choose not to deal with other peoples bs and have my own opinions or money, that I’m being egotistical. Lol

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