The Internal Narcissist: Why Your Ego Wants You To Suffer

Trauma powerfully affects human emotion.

When carrying unhealed trauma, your ego gets the concentrated, unlimited feed of what it desires – pain, suffering, limitation, depression, anxiety, drama, struggles and battles.

The darkness feeds your ego and keeps you from reaching your full potential.

You become your own worst enemy.

In my latest Thriver TV episode, I go directly to the heart and explain that you are not connected to higher wisdom, synchronicity, solution or miracle when this happens. I also show you how to tap into the oneness of the infinite wisdom of Source to reach your highest and best potential, expansion and well-being.

The ego is your internal narcissist – stop feeding it!

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I’m going to have a critical conversation with you. And this is one of my favourite episodes to do, and I love talking about this stuff because this is what really gets to the heart of the matter and is the absolute truth of things.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that we can all be our own worst enemy. Today you’ll learn why this is the truth and how to bypass this internal enemy, your ego, who you may not have realised wants you to stay in suffering. You’re also going to learn why your ego wants you to suffer.

Before we get started, I quickly want to touch on the reason why there are so many Thriver recoveries in this community that are just completely not like contemporary recovery, the much faster period to that, humbly, is because of the Quanta Freedom Healing which is a part of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program known as NARP, which releases the traumas and painful programming that has kept you in abuse cycles.

It completely frees your life from these programs, just as I and thousands of others in this community have been set free. So you can check this out by going to the link with this video or the show notes. All right, let’s get going with today’s episode.

 

Why Do We Have An Enemy Within?

Why do we have an enemy within? We live in a reality of duality, dark and light, literally. The human experience on this planet has been very traumatic. There’s been pain, death, destruction, powerlessness, helplessness, displacement, aggression, and fundamental reasons why you fear being in your body in this life and sharing this planet with other human beings.

Trauma is a powerful human emotion, and trauma is synonymous with the human experience. And we also know through our Quantum and neuroscientists now that we genetically acquire it from our ancestors. We have it embedded in all of us. It’s fed to us through the fear porn, our media channels, our history, and future threats, and it creates beliefs and ways of being that keep the trauma going.

We know from the Quantum truth reality now of so within, so without, that what we believe and feel is how we show up, as well as what we choose and what we continue to participate in, wrestle with, and try to change from the outside in, to try and find emotional peace and wholeness within.

We’ve been doing that unconsciously whilst being stuck in trauma, feeling and believing that our life is unsafe and continuing to experience more trauma, and then having incredible defence mechanisms within, trying to protect ourselves and keep safe. I will explain to you soon why it hasn’t been working.

So suffice now to let you know that our ego is activated when we have internal trauma, and our defence mechanisms are activated.

 

Ego – The Opposite Of Infinite Connection

Now, what is ego? The ego is the opposite of an infinite connection. I love what the late Wayne Dyer used to use as the acronym for ego, and he called it “Edging God Out.” I agree that when the ego is activated, we’re in the amygdala, the back of the brain, and cortisol and adrenaline are the chemicals we’re generating.

We have limited infinite intelligence because we’re activated to fight, flee or freeze. They’re very primitive responses, where all our Life Force is drained from our brain and goes into our limbs and extremities.

When this happens, we are not connected to higher wisdom, synchronicity, solution or miracle. Meaning we’re not able to tap into the oneness of the infinite wisdom of Source, which is everything and everyone, including ourselves, which has the resources and capacity to conspire to grant us more of what Source always intended for us, which is our highest and best potential, our true Life Force, health, expansion and well-being.

In other words, the actualisation of your True Self and True Life is the Source flowing through you, as you, as your highest potential.

When you are activated into survival programs, your ego takes you over, which means you’re not operating in the light and the expansiveness of Source. In stark contrast, you’re in the darkness, and the light is shut off.

It’s in the darkness and shadows that your ego can have its way with you, and that’s where it generates within you and keeps you in fear and pain.

Now, why does your ego do this? This is an important question because your ego is a dark entity. It’s the part of you that is not your True Self, and it’s cut off from creation, Source, God, or your higher power, and it’s a False Self. The internal part of the duality within you comprises dark and light, and that is the darkness.

People think their ego is their intelligence and ability to be logical. Your ego is not expanded analytical intelligence at all. It’s prehistoric logic that’s stuck in limited survival programs, which of course, is very helpful if you’re going to be chased by a wild animal. You need the power in your extremities to get up a tree when you need a boost of adrenaline and cortisol.

Apart from that physical survival mechanism, your ego, when activated, is cutting you off from God and Source and all of the field in the Quantum world, which can be supportive as the extended part and power of you that’s in the light. Your ego doesn’t have access to that, and it doesn’t have access to any more than its limited, small, fearful self.

When carrying unhealed trauma, your ego gets the concentrated little feed of what it desires – pain, suffering, limitation, depression, anxiety, drama, struggles, and battles. That’s what the darkness is.

I’d like to understand the following understanding, which I hope you can accept now.

 

Your Ego Is The Internal Narcissist

This is huge when you get this. Your ego is the internal narcissist. When your trauma is activated, and your ego is being fed and energised with your fear and your pain and your defence mechanisms, and the sense of separation from self, life and others, when all of that is going on, then your internal ego – the internal narcissist – is in control.

I streamed a Thriver TV episode on what the ancients called Wetiko a while ago. If you still need to read Wetiko or have tapped into it or my information about that, please don’t hesitate to let me know in the comments below because it’s essential.

If you haven’t, check it out because it’s going to grant you a deeper understanding of the infiltration of the trauma within humanity and how ego is the psychic virus, and how it has separated us from our True Self, our True Power and True Source, and how it cuts us off from the light, and plunges us into the darkness.

Your internal narcissist – just like the external narcissist – does not want you to find God, Source, your higher power. It doesn’t want you to become your own Source of self through True Source and the unlimited resources of light that will collaborate to grant you more of being the light – the being that you’re born to be.

Like the external narcissist, the internal narcissist wants to keep you trapped in pain, helpless, dependent, and trying to get your own wholeness through false props and situations that don’t grant you wholeness and self but just keep you more powerless, dependent, and trapped.

Why? Because then the internal and external narcissists can keep sucking your Life Force dry, feeding off you.

These are the exact reasons you may be self-sabotaging, that you don’t follow through on your own promises or healing to yourself, that you talk to yourself horribly with incredible self-judgment, disgust, and maybe even self-hatred.

These are why you give yourself every excuse not to heal and do the inner work, to let go of your trauma and connect back to True Source. This is also why, when you think about doing the inner work, terror emerges and feelings like, “Who will I be without my trauma?”

In my new Thrive membership group, we did a beautiful live session, a question and answer, and somebody asked this ubiquitous question, “Who will I be without my trauma?”

My answer was, “This is your ego asking the question. It’s terrifying, as it should be. And the answer is yes, ego, you are going to be non-existent, you’re not going to get your food, and you will dissolve, which is a great thing.”

Of course, the ego is terrified of this. Just like any external narcissist in your life, who you detach from, starve, and you no longer feed them your fear and pain. And when you heal yourself up, they’re terrified because they are no longer going to be able to actively feed off you and keep your trauma bonded as a Source of narcissistic supply as their food – which is your pain and fear. Then they cannot be in your reality anymore, and neither will your internal narcissist.

So who will you really be without your ego? You’ll be your True Self. Once this False Self, this impostor, this darkness that isn’t your Source self, when loses power over you – meaning that you will come home – you will start to feel whole and safe in your body and this life.

You will know how to generate more wholeness, health, authenticity and well-being, and you will learn how to detach and stop feeding the energy of pain and fear to people in situations and yourself who aren’t your True Self.

This is so interesting when you understand this because Quantum Law returns to so within–so without. We think, and we did think, we always felt that we were trying to escape the external narcissist, but our internal narcissist kept us connected to them the entire time.

 

Do I Need My Ego?

I know this can be confusing, and you may have been taught to believe that your ego is a good thing and you need to befriend it and all of that stuff. I will explain how I discovered it because when we ask, “Do I know I need my ego?” Do you need it? You may think that you need your ego.

Please take it from me, or you don’t have to. This is why you will not lose anything about yourself by dissolving your ego. In stark contrast, you become so much more. You expand into a self, life and potential far from where you were previously. You go Quantum, and you will have more intelligence and power.

Let’s just get very clear about what ego really is. It doesn’t just mean a person who’s egotistical and full of themselves, and that’s the overt narcissistic False Self. Your ego has also been your fear and defence mechanism, and it’s the part of you that feels small, insecure, unsafe, and cut off from Source.

In victimised beliefs and feelings, your ego is fully activated. Wetiko and the information about that explain it perfectly and in much greater detail. And why are we in that state? It’s because of the unhealed trauma within, and it’s not until you go inside to free yourself of the trauma that you will know how powerful and safe and incredible your life is without your defence mechanisms.

Ironically, the defences that you thought were keeping you safe were actually attracting to you more of the things that you were trying to protect yourself from because you’re vibrating at the belief systems and the trauma bonds that match the things that you’re trying to defend yourself from.

Your ego will convince you that you need fear to be safe. I want you to think of this metaphor. It’s a straightforward example of how Wrong Town that is. Imagine you’re losing control of a car, fully activated in fear, and you can see a tree coming up because you’ve gone off the side of the road. You will likely steer straight into that tree in fear and panic. Yet, if you’re calm, solid in your body, and you’re untriggered, you can take the actions to get control of the car and do exactly what you need to do to stay safe and alive.

Life is exactly the same. When you’re triggered by your ego into survival programs, you are the most likely to hand your power away and absolutely cooperate with precisely the thing you’re trying to avoid. You add to it, and you throw fuel on the fire. You play straight into the hands of somebody who is triggering, abusing, and hurting you.

You are exactly like prey with a lion who emits the pheromones of terror. You act like prey that incites the lion to rip you to pieces, and that’s what fear does.

Think about it, this is what’s been happening with the external narcissist and what’s happening with the internal narcissist. It’s Quantum Law. You are getting more of who you are being. This is why to change your life, you need to change your being.

I hope I’ve helped convince you because I lived this, and I know how true it is that having released my triggers and traumas, solid inner knowing has replaced fear and pain. I am effective and can act intelligently, calmly, and solidly with life’s challenges. I now have access to solutions rather than handing my power away and continuing to get throttled.

My ego did not help me at all, and it just set me up for more pain, exactly what it wanted. It’s a lie that you’ve been fed that has been destroying you, that you need to hang on to your defence mechanisms, ego, fear, and pain.

When you start working to free yourself of the trauma your ego has been feeding off, parasitising off within you, you will see an incredible difference.

 

 

How To Get Free Of Your Ego?

The million-dollar question is, how do you get free of your ego?

I’d like to put it to you like this because you know you’ve experienced this. You know you can’t beat a real-life, external narcissist in your life by arguing with them, wanting to outsmart them, one-up them or lecturing or prescribing to them. If you do that, all you’ve done is fed them energy and attention, which makes them more prominent and worse in your life, and it provides them.

How do you defeat external narcissists? It’s very simple when you understand this, you turn within and meet, load up and release the trauma inside you that’s keeping you hooked into them, which literally means that you’re exorcising everything about you that is triggered by them from out of your inner being.

So how do you free yourself of the internal narcissist generating negative emotions, beating yourself up, self-sabotaging and disowning yourself, self-abandoning and self-avoiding? You do exactly the same thing and target, release and reprogram everything that hurts. And you can do that so effectively with NARP.

Let me give you some tips. Those of you working with NARP and some specific healing shifts that you can do on your own Inner Being to release yourself from your internal narcissist. The biggest thing your internal narcissist is going to try and do is it’s going to give you all the reasons why not to heal yourself from returning to Source because then it can’t have its way with you.

When you’re giving yourself excuses not to do the inner work and not to heal, you can use this, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my fear of meeting my emotions.” That can target trauma with Module One, or the Source Healing and Resolution Module is really powerful.

Or you can do, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my impatience, my anxiety (whatever negative feeling it is) when I try to sit down and do a healing on myself,” or “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my feelings that I’ll never heal, there’s too much to heal, or I can’t heal.” Okay, so that will help.

Now, when your internal narcissist keeps you going back into behaviours that you know hurt you but you just can’t seem to stop doing them, you can do this, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my urge to smoke or drink or eat or make contact with this abusive person again,” whatever it is.

And when your internal narcissist procrastinates over your inner healing, you can use this intention with Module One or the Source Healing and Resolution Module, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body, generating my excuses to self-avoid and self-abandon myself.”

I hope that can help. A few of you have said that giving you some specific shifts really helps in these videos. So I hope that that can.

 

The TRUE Bottom Line

I hope that this has given you a deeper, truer picture of what’s really going on and that the internal narcissist, of course, will provide you with every reason, and it will self-sabotage you. It doesn’t want you to turn inwards to release the trauma that is the food that allows it to take hold and operate within you. I hope you understand why this internal parasite doesn’t want you to heal.

The bottom line is that when you understand what’s going on, Wetiko, and this whole human condition, you truly can heal. Know that this has because of the trauma trapped in our body that’s been the human experience, that’s been generating the way that we feel and think, and that it’s been feeding and keeping our ego activated, keeping a hold on us. It’s been separating us from the true magnificence of who we were born.

Your ego will grant you every reason why you need it in your life. Think about this. It’s no different to a cigarette, convincing you that you can’t live without it when you’re stressed, whilst it’s destroying you.

It’s the same as a narcissist telling you you depend on them. You can’t live without them. You’ll be nothing without them, while they’re reducing you to nothing by being in their life. I promise you, your internal narcissist is exactly the same. It’s an impostor, and it’s not who you really are.

It’s the darkness here on earth that we’re all here to face, hold, load up, release and replace with the light so that we can meet our birthright of being heaven on earth, not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones, for the collective, and for this entire planet. It’s the time right now to take our Souls and our lives back so that we can be who we are – The source flowing through us as us.

When you commit to that, you will not have abuse in your life from within or without, and you will evolve beyond the abuse of yourself, which is true freedom.

I hope this has made sense to you. I’m really looking forward to a conversation about this. You may want to play this back a few times and go to Wetiko to check it out. The shifts I’ve given you could give people working with NARP a super boost in their ascension back home to themselves without the impostor or ego.