6 Ways Narcissistic Abuse Can Actually Change You For The Better

How exciting to discuss with you today the 6 ways that narcissistic abuse can actually change you for the better!

Please, please don’t believe it is inevitable that being narcissistically abused means that you will be diminished, ruined and a smaller, less loving and loved or successful version of yourself.

Rather, in the darkness of narcissistic abuse great gold can be mined.

I did this, and I am thrilled to say in the last thirteen years I have helped thousands of people world-wide do the same. Even people in their 80’s, despite knowing nothing but narcissistic abuse all their lives.

Buckle up because I want to take you on this journey to learn about the 6 wonderful things that you can look forward to after narcissistic abuse.

Mind you the passage there takes effort, it means deeply turning inwards to heal ourselves – freeing your Inner Being from the trauma of the painful limiting beliefs and ways that you had unknowingly handed power over and been stuck and enmeshed in abuse cycles.

As a child you were powerless to resurrect yourself. As an adult you aren’t. You can take you life, power and Soul back and you can powerfully lead the way for your children.

When you engage on the Thriver Recovery Journey, a distinct metamorphosis starts to occur. At first you may think (and rightly so) that you are just trying to survive from the aftershock of the abuse and get your life back to normal. Later you will discover that not only will you survive, but that your life can reach extraordinary levels as you start to enter the personal world of Thriving.

Let me explain some of this to you, by sharing with you the 6 ways that narcissistic abuse has changed my life (and the lives of so many others) for the better.

 

Number 1 – Valuing Your Soul

Before narcissistic abuse, me valuing myself was determined by my outer approval. You see, I didn’t have a “solid self”, so I really did believe my “worth” had to be earned by things such as how much I was achieving, what results I was getting and what I had in my life.

The truth was I didn’t believe I was acceptable just for being “me”.

(Mind you it was only after Thriver Healing that I realised this – because up until that point this devaluing of my own Soul was my normal.)

Joan, a Thriver friend of mine and I had this conversation recently, “After losing so much I had no choice but to value myself. It is such a relief to know and believe I am worthy of my own love. The love of my Higher Power. The right to have my values and accept who and what is healthy and say no to what isn’t – regardless of what I do or don’t have.”

I concur with Joan.

The incredible relief and power-fullness of feeling whole and worthy, regardless of what is happening in your outer world, and knowing that you are loved by Source simply because you exist is one of the most magnificent True Self states that occurs after Thriver Healing.

All as a result of needing to heal post narcissistic abuse.

This is what I feel and know now EVERY day – my value just IS. It is never again determined by anything outside of me.

Here is a beautiful Thriver Mantra for you – “When I value myself as Source values me, I accept and connect with those who know my value as well. Life, in all its magnificence then shows up to value me with inspiration, opportunity, synchronicity and miracle. I am valued in ALL ways, always.”

 

Number 2 – Real Self Love

As a Thriver, a key awakening is this – it is unhealthy to try to get our love of self through another.

This is the root of codependency, believing that you are only loveable if another is loving you – and also being reliant on that love from another to feel okay about yourself.

And you may have had a completely conditional love affair with yourself such as, “I will love myself when I lose 20 pounds.”

Or maybe your love conditions went like, “I will love myself when I earn more money.” “When I get my own home.” “If I could get rid of these wrinkles.”

You may feel like, “Why and how could someone else love me?” The truth is you are not as yet loving yourself.

As children we were codependently reliant on how the caretakers in our life related to us. This dictated how we would develop in our relationship with ourselves.

If we haven’t yet come home to loving and accepting ourselves, then our adult relationships are stressed with insecurities, unhealthy demands and expectations, all of which is a sure-fire recipe to cling to someone trying to make them love us, even if they are so abusive that they are destroying us.

In Thriver Recovery, and in taking your focus off the narcissist to bring it back home to yourself, a Quantum Shift occurs. No longer do you try to “do” something or “get” something in order to love yourself.

You ARE self-partnered. You are dedicated to releasing your trauma, to replacing it with the Light of Source (The Quanta Freedom Healing process in all of my healing programs), and the Love of that Light that fills you IS self-love.

You then understand the truth …

You just ARE self-love without the trauma within you disconnecting you from Source and thus yourself.

You ARE source, you are love. There is nothing to strive for and try to get. That is a falsehood.

When you start Thriver Healing you will feel self-love more and more and more. It is your organic natural state.

This, I feel, is the relevant Thriver Mantra – “I am Love. Kind yet Fierce. Beautiful and Real. My Authentic Love just IS, regardless of what specific people are doing, because Love IS my Beingness.”

 

Number 3 – Better More Authentic Connections With Others

The next of the 6 ways that narcissistic abuse can actually change you for the better is a magnificent by-product of Thriving!

I love this truth, “You will never accept a level of love less than the love you have for yourself.”

So many of us who were in narcissistic relationships did not have a healthy, developed, solid self. We didn’t realise that we were trying to source our wholeness from outside of ourselves through others.

The grand irony was this – we did not have people in our lives who granted us our missing wholeness. Rather, they were the people who matched the missing pieces within ourselves – they were the people who made our unconscious fully conscious as a result of hurting us the way they did.

As a result of Thriver Healing, we release the trauma of feeling empty, traumatised and broken, we detach from people hurting us and heal up the underdeveloped parts of ourselves that didn’t feel safe. These were the places inside ourselves emotionally where we didn’t feel like we could look after ourselves, survive emotionally on our own, lay boundaries or generate healthy values and truths.

Once healed-up, this is a grand game-changer!

No longer will you feel like you have to try to change unavailable or abusive people to try to get them to love you.

No more will you say “Yes” when you really mean “No” because of the fear of losing someone.

When you become filled with love and value, directly created through you and your Higher Power (have a solid Inner Self) you would much rather lose someone who doesn’t have the capacity or desire to love you, be kind or play “team”, than ever lose yourself again.

As a Thriver you learn how to invite people into up-levelled, honest conversations with you. You know it’s essential to have the authentic difficult conversations that are necessary, rather than lie to people and yourself by just saying what you think people want to hear.

As a solid Inner Being you can be honest, you can be more loving and can ask for what you need lovingly and create true, genuine, authentic relationships.

Greg, a lovely member of the Thriver Community said this, “I’ve let many people in my life go. I am no longer needy for their time and friendships so as not to be lonely. Many new, genuine people are coming into my life. The relationships I have with my kids, family and close circle have deepened and become enriched in ways that I didn’t believe possible. I love the realness I share with others. I used to feel lonely even when with people. Now, no more!”

The relevant Thriver Mantra – “By being real and authentic to self and others, I let go of those who are not, and generate truly fulfilling relationships with those with the capacity and desire for true and healthy relationships.”

 

Number 4 – Becoming Your Own Source Of Security And Survival

Fear can be a terrible human plight. The fear of never being truly loved, not being accepted by others, not being able to make it in the world or be safe in your body, in this life on this planet.

Many of us had these fears either consciously or unconsciously before being narcissistically abused. Narcissists are the ultimate dark mirror in everyday reality of those unhealed parts, brutally smashing up to the surface those fears that have never seen the light of healing within.

Personally, I had all these terrors – which again I thought was my normal, because they were all I had ever known. It was these very fears that pushed me to over-achieve, in an attempt to finally be secure, fend off these fears and feel safe in my body and in life.

Yet, I never got there, no matter what I achieved. Safety and peace never settled into my Soul in my life – the anxiety never went away.

I had always wanted someone big and strong to be in my life to protect me and make the fear go away. This is why I used to seek big “strong” men. Yet, in those days of not being solid and safe inside myself, I chose men who did not grant me safety, they were not my “rock”. Instead, they were the “hammer” that would break me down ever further.

I learned through Thriver Healing, as an adult, that I needed to heal and make things right between myself and True Source to feel whole, safe, protected, sound and solid. This took releasing and reprogramming all of the fears inside that kept me small, fearful, handing power away and participating in events that were hurting me.

I healed up, and become the adult to myself who has now grown up to be solid inside and acts in sensible and protective ways.

A dear Thriver, Marjorie, after having given up all her security and working life for the narcissist, left him feeling all of the terrors of, “How am I going to survive?”

Yet, she put her Soul first and made it her mission to heal and empower herself. Despite losing nearly all of her matrimonial property and resources, she started rebuilding and living her life on her terms.

She said, “I can’t tell you the freedom, power and joy I experience now of not needing a man or anyone to survive. It’s now all between me, Life and God.”

Marjorie was future destined to meet a beautiful man who added to her life in secure, healthy non-narcissistic ways. The key had been Marjorie needed to become this to herself first. She is now happily re-married to her sane, loving supportive husband!

Myself, and thousands of Thrivers stepped into healthy secure lives on our own, and then with or without future partners, bearing no resemblance to the insecurities of our past. No one was coming to rescue us from the pain and fears – that was the work we needed, as adults, to accomplish ourselves.

The Thriver Mantra for Security – “As I come home to being safe in my body and generating my life through True Source, that which matches my solid, safe and sound Inner Being arrives. I accept this as my match, and reject that and who which isn’t.”

 

Number 5 ­– Connection To Soul Mission

I know there are many people who feel like they are here on this planet for a purpose, but can’t seem to connect to it.

My life used to be the same. I never knew what I was really going to do “when I grew up” despite engaging in so many things that I was passionate about. Deep inside, despite searching and striving, I knew, “This isn’t really it.”

Since Thriver Healing after narcissistic abuse, I know the absolute truth about our life missions …

When you make the healing of your Soul your greatest mission, then your mission arises and starts to move through your Inner Being, as well as show up to meet you in your outer world.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this gloriously happen for people after narcissistic abuse.

After healing from narcissistic abuse, we shift. Things change dramatically. We turn inwards rather than using the props that were our identity. We let go of having to “do something” to feel worthy.

We stop trying to please others to get ourselves, or feeling like our worth is about what we have or how people see us.

This is because of the turning inwards to self-partner, heal and start engaging with the only life that could ever truly fulfil us. One emanating from a true relationship with our Inner Being and True Source. This creates the unlocking of our intuition, desires and truth values. This opens up the space and terrain for God / Source / Creation to start moving through us as us.

Our gorgeous Thriver, Rowena, shared in her recent Thriver Story,

“There have been wonderful and continued changes in my life since NARP (it’s become a way of life now) and confidence, community and creativity have soared!

Issues around voice and speaking, shyness and fear of others have been dissolving away and my art business has been thriving.

The ‘Painting and Wellbeing workshops for Women’ I run are international and flourishing via Zoom and my heart is so full of gratitude for the true sense of community that I’ve never felt before and have always longed for. Meeting so many like-hearted women and becoming friends has been a complete joy.

I now have a community-based business as well as my independent art sales and exhibitions, a podcast for HSPs and Creatives on poetry, meditation, all sorts and conversations to showcase wonderful creative new friends. We also have a beautiful artistic FB community, and I am now moving into offering 1:1 intuitive painting and wellbeing sessions.”

I love, that there have been so many beautiful Thrivers in our community, of all ages, races, religions and genders who have connected, finally, to BEING the mission that they were born to BE.

Here is my Thriver Mantra for Soul Mission – “By turning inwards with full dedication to the mission of my Soul Healing, I clear out my trauma that was blocking me. The opportunities, synchronicities and miracles supporting my mission now appear and come to me. I have the energy, inspiration and desire to make this happen.”

 

Number 6 ­– True Soul Mate Love

A dear friend, Katrina, had always had trouble in love. She had been attracted to unavailable men, mirroring the relationship that she had with her late narcissistic father.

Katrina, became determined to heal and become a true Source of love, approval, security and survival for herself.

She was determined to have a healing hiatus away from relationships. She worked with NARP on her unhealed parts and completely transformed her traumatic inner residues experienced in loveless, passionless, painful relationships.

She was tested with some men who represented her old patterns, but she said “No”, didn’t get hooked in as she used to, and kept dedicated to the mating of her own Soul first and foremost.

I am so happy to report that Katrina is now in a committed relationship with an absolute gentleman who adores her. No only does this man have no addictive issues (a pattern she used to be enmeshed in) he adores her, wants to spend quality time with her and loves looking out for and after her.

Katrina used to always be trying to earn love and affection from men who simply did not have the capacity to care for and love her. She said to me, “If I hadn’t done this work on myself there is no way I would be interested and attracted to a man like this. And there is no way he would have wanted to choose me and be with me either.”

She is glowing and for the first time ever since I have known her, she is in a loving, supportive and mature relationship with a lovely available, decent man with a great character and heart.

I am so happy for her! This only took her three months of committed self-work on herself. Her new reality would never have occurred if she hadn’t turned inwards to do this inner work – just as it wouldn’t have for me and thousands of other Thrivers who committed to themselves.

True love, with healthy people is one of the greatest gifts of Thriver Healing after narcissistic abuse.

Whether your patterns have been invalidation, cheating, smothering, control, abuse, unavailability (like Katrina) or anything else, I want you to know with all of my heart – that if you make the change on the inside then you can completely change your Inner Love Code.

Then you will not just repel (and even be repulsed by) the people you used to be attracted to, good people will become visible and you will be attracted to people who you never seemed to meet, like or want to connect to!

It changes everything!

You certainly do not need to be doomed to a lifetime of being alone.

I’d love you to feel this Soul Mate Love Mantra – “Real Love is inside of me. By turning inwards to mate my own Soul, release my traumas and wounds, become and show up as Love for myself, I attract Soul Mates who also have the capacity to meet, hold, see me and love me.”

 

In Conclusion

It’s my deepest wish that you can feel what I am sharing with you today.

I know that there are many of you in our wonderful community who have experienced these profound shifts in your life.

I also know that there are many of you who are deep in the battle with narcissists or the wounds and traumas that follow from narcissistic relationships.

Please know that there is hope for you – more than hope. Your Soul knows its destination of love, approval, security and survival – and is urging you to turn within and free yourself so that it can unfold this true destiny, the true essence of who you were born to be.

I know in every cell of my Being that we are not meant to suffer, stay stuck and try to just “survive” what happened to us. That is why I am so thrilled that I can and do offer true resources and solutions to help you release yourself to truly Thrive.

I would love to invite you, if you haven’t yet accessed my inner transformational resources, to sign up for my 16-day free course, which starts this process for you. What you will experience in these completely free resources (absolutely there is zero obligation to purchase anything!) will be clarity, answers and relief.

If you are ready to do the deep inner TRULY powerful work of releasing trauma, and reprogramming your Inner Life and Love Codes, then I can’t recommend NARP enough for you. Your fast track, powerful healing journey can start today!

As always, I look forward to reading and responding to your comments and questions below.