Melanie Tonia Evans

What Is The Most Powerful Narcissist Inoculation?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 7
78
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Being abused by a narcissist is one of the most traumatic experiences that could ever happen to you.

It left you reeling.

It was like your life-force was sucked out, and then you were left trying to deal with a “self” who felt like an empty, traumatised shell.

I know, just like me, you never want to go through that again. In fact, the possibility is unthinkable.

And to avoid that, this is what we are inclined to do – try to arm ourselves with as much information and knowledge possible regarding how to spot a narcissist and avoid them.

But does this work?

In this Thiver TV episode, I explain to you why it doesn’t and I also explain to you exactly how we can create and anchor into such a powerful life-force, which shines so brightly, that it is like a bright light on a False Self  … who just like a vampire … has to shrink back into the shadows.

I’m VERY excited in this episode to bring to the table the topic of “Wetiko”. It’s something that I have wanted to talk about on Thriver TV for a while, and this episode just happens to be the PERFECT one to do so.

You may have heard the term Wetiko already, or you may not have.

Paul Levy wrote the book Dispelling Wetiko and he describes Wetiko as this:

“We as a species are in the midst of a massive psychic epidemic that has been brewing in the cauldron of humanity from the beginning of time. This psychospiritual disease of the soul which Native Americans have called Wetiko can be thought of as the bug in the system. It informs and animates the madness that is playing itself out in our lives, both individually and collectively, on the world stage.”

The reason today we are taking a deep dive into Wetiko, is because how we can inoculate ourselves against narcissists requires understanding Wetiko.

In fact, inoculating ourselves against narcissists is only possible IF we break free from Wetiko.

This may be one of the most counter-intuitive Thriver TV shows you ever watch, because everything that you thought is inoculating you against a narcissist may be the exact thing that keeps you traumatised and is allowing them to show up in your experience – without you realising it!

It is my greatest wish that as a result of this video you get free … truly free.

I also hope that it helps you understand what Wetiko is, how it relates, and how to break free from it and be inoculated against narcissists forever.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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78 Thoughts on What Is The Most Powerful Narcissist Inoculation?
  • justdee.999@gmail.com'
    shattered
    August 31, 2017

    Oh god…this gave me so much anxiety. I’ve heard similar theories before and they break my heart. It feels like the victim is to blame for “attracting” the horrible things that have happened. Not from one or 2 narcissistic partners, but every single moment since birth. Everything broken. Everything.

    • Cthisss@aol.com'
      Crystal
      August 31, 2017

      My 12 yr old daughter has a science teacher who is a screaming overt narcissist. She has come home twice this week with horrible stories. Today she said he asked, “is that the look you’ll have when the volleyball hits you in the face?” (She had her first game today). I feel whole enough within that I clearly saw through him at meet the teacher night. I just don’t know if I should help my daughter “deal” with this or if removing her from his class would validate her feelings and be the better idea???

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 31, 2017

        Hi Cystal,

        the truth is our children in their lifetime are going to come across narcisists, and them learning to detach (as in not hook in), value themselves regardless (with of course with our example and validation) can help them understand that this is his disorder and not hers.

        Also the boundary may be to complain about him with the principal. Setting boundaries and saying “Its not okay” if he speaks to her like that.

        This is also an example to our children to take the stand to honour ourselves, without fear and pain …. just “as is”.

        Maybe someone else here on the blog may report what they have done in similar circumstances.

        Mel xo

        • Cthisss@aol.com'
          Crystal
          August 31, 2017

          Thank you Mel for your insight!

          I have spoken with her old elementary school counselor this morning and she also gave the same advice and encouragement. ? I will start keeping a journal of things she is sharing, as well as suggest she meets with her school counselor for support should she need someone during her school day. Today when she got out of the car she said, “Mom don’t get upset if the school calls you because I’ve been disrespectful”. I did advise her there is a way to handle this without being disrespectful, but I am so grateful her boundaries seem to be intact ? Watching my children flourish in their healthy, authentic life experience has been the greatest blessing during my healing process. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and so many others! It truly has changed my life ?

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            September 1, 2017

            Hi Crystal,

            you are so welcome and how wonderful you feel supported by the counselor.

            I agree that seeing our children flourish as the overpour of our healing is so wonderful 🙂

            Priceless.

            Bless you Dear Lady – keep Thriving!

            Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi shattered,

      This may help in your understanding: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/does-the-thriver-model-place-the-blame-on-the-victim/

      Blame is erroneous. All of it came from somewhere else originally – not us. We just are as we are – but we can heal that.

      Truly …

      Mel xo

      • justdee.999@gmail.com'
        shattered
        September 4, 2017

        Thank you for the link.

    • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
      Healing
      August 31, 2017

      I’m doing the modules now and this is really coming to the top for me. I was born into a family with 2 narcs. My dad picked fights with me since I was able to talk and then was mean to me if I argued back. Sadly , I learned to argue from him so I was in a lose-lose situation . Now I can see how to stop the chain of pain with anyone in my life now.

      Yes, I attracted that same situation over and over again because of how my parents taught me to respond to people and situations; but I couldn’t have learned it without them…… and of course they learned it from their parents.

      now is the time to go deep and heal those wounds. I can see things changing in my life slowly but surely and Melanie has been a major part of that healing.

      I listen to all her youtubes and finally bought the silver package and it really is helping to break the cycle.

    • elizabethhannahcc@outlook.com'
      Elizabeth Hannah
      August 31, 2017

      I am healing and taking a stand for myself, the pain, the wounds, (which I have NEVER EVER ACKNOWLEDGED)!!! There is so much to heal, I am going to keep on going. I knew about energy healing etc etc. But I NEVER CAME HOME TO ME, AUTHENTICALLY??? Now I ask myself “what is this all about?” The feeling, the feeling gives me all the answers that I WILL EVER NEED. Thank you Melanie and your wonderful team.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 31, 2017

        Hi Elizabeth,

        I am so pleased you have connected to the feeling.

        Bless you, you are on your way.

        Mel xo

    • dancingshadow18@hotmail.com'
      Hope
      August 31, 2017

      shattered, please don’t panic. This is not about blame and guilt but about taking stock of where you’re currently at in life and seeing where your own responsibility in life lies, and that DOES have something to do with what you do and don’t attract and if your reactions to outer things come from a place of unhealed childhood wounds or if there is a response from a whole (harmonic with God) body & mind-ful place of a healthy adult.

      • justdee.999@gmail.com'
        shattered
        September 1, 2017

        Thank you Hope. I appreciate your acknowledgement of my comment. Yes…years of childhood trauma turned into years of adult abuse. And still have 2 family narcissists I can not escape. Only now at 55 can I am starting to see it. Thank you so much again.

        • dancingshadow18@hotmail.com'
          Hope
          September 2, 2017

          shattered, are you in the forum/have NARP? Because as much as I always enjoy reading Mels articles, it is really doing the modules that will help start the healing. I have narcs in my family of origin, too, so I think I can relate to you and your situation. I know the feeling of “I can not escape” so well BUT- this is really “only” a belief- and one which you and only you can change for yourself, deep within you. I like to remember what Mel tells us, that it doesn’t matter how old we are, it is never too late to start healing and then bit by bit, we can turn it all around. You can look at your life so far and see it in the way of “having lost” so many years and be prepared to be depressed for the rest of your life in victim mode, OR you say to yourself, well NOW is the time that your turning point has come. Once you start changing on the inside, life can totally positively surprise you.
          I recommend listening to the many Thriver reports in Mels radio show. You are not alone in this and you do not need to continue living life this way forever.
          Hugs 🙂

          • justdee.999@gmail.com'
            shattered
            September 4, 2017

            Bless your heart. Big hug

  • dktrombo@gmail.com'
    Maggie Dawn
    August 31, 2017

    As I am working to heal every day, this was so very helpful to my understanding that I must BE what it is that I desire for my life. There’s no blame, there are gifts. I just sometimes could not identify that it is a gift, because I have dwelt in so much grief and loss for ions that I could not see the abundance of turning my thinking and feeling around. Finding the authentic me is challenging, but I know that thriving has to be through self. I am continuing the work. Thank you, Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Maggie,

      I am so glad this helped.

      Please know if you release trauma it is so much easier to “change” rateher then try to park a ferrari (new beleifs and feelings) in a garage where we still have a rusty old car parked (our previous wounds).

      In fact it is a game-changer to shift OUT first!

      If you haven’t as yet Maggie, please come into my free webinar aso that you can feel for yourself how much easier it can be to heal in Quantum ways, rather than old paradigm / limited ways.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  • cosmos14k@gmail.com'
    MS Ea
    August 31, 2017

    i think it’s kinda like a curse. its also demonic. prayer really helps as well as Melanie’s excersises.
    hope you feel better, maybe these thoughts of mine can help…

    I like the phrase, “emotional maturity”.
    Get emotional maturity….its a big brave step, based on reflection, self awareness control and faith…you can do it…xx

  • gwendolynleng9@gmail.com'
    Gwen
    August 31, 2017

    Thank You Melanie for sharing this. This is HUGE. Quantum, actually. 🙂

    God Bless You for the work you do; for your gifts of making the intangible; tangible. The indescribable; understandable and for helping to bring complicated, invisible realities down-to-earth and so matter-of-fact.

    Thank You

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Gwen

      you are very welcome.

      I am so pleased this resonated with you – and you “get it”!

      Bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

  • margiejerry@roadrunner.com'
    Margie Finn
    August 31, 2017

    BRAVO! I totally get this, probably because I’ve been absorbing so much of your wisdom, Melanie, in your other episodes. All the angst that troubled me, due to the narcissist in my life, had begun to gradually fade as I learned to focus on MYSELF instead of the trouble-maker. It’s actually a profound technique, and I cannot thank you enough, Melanie! This is life-saving information! Keep up this great work!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Margie,

      Thank you and I am so pleased your enjoyed this!

      I LOVE that you have taken back your power 🙂

      Sending many blessings and love.

      Mel xo

  • anna.suszt@gmail.com'
    Anna Suszt
    August 31, 2017

    Thank you so much for this. I found it powerful and will watch it again as I missed repeating some of your instructions. I have read each and every one of the emails and you have helped me more than anything I have researched. I left the narc 6 months ago after 7 years. The 1st 2 were wonderful, and as soon as we bought a house together and moved in, he changed overnight. I fought for 5 years to make him change his behaviour towards me. His ex wife of 20 years left him for the same reasons, and his teenaged transgendered daughter is a complete basket case. Yet he plays the victim. And replaced me 1 month after I left him. It has been devastating. After lots of research, I came across an article on narcissism and the light bulb went on. I sent some articles to his ex wife and opened up to her and she was shocked and agreed thats exactly who he is.
    My father was a narcissist too but I thought I had done the work on myself. Yet at 55 I realize I DID attract him. I take responsibility for that. But now I know I can take back my power. I am getting stronger day by day. Thank you!!! My payout for the house has dragged on for 7 months now but I am close to being able to have no contact once I get it and I can find myself a proper home. I have been living with friends while he has everyone pity him. I am also learning to break free from anyone that still defends and supports him.
    Slowly but surely…am so looking forward to complete and utter emotional freedom!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Anna,

      I am so pleased that I have been able to help 🙂

      That is awesome you are on the path to freedom and your True Self.

      Keep up the great work Anna.

      Mel xo

      • anna.suszt@gmail.com'
        Anna Suszt
        September 1, 2017

        You are so inspirational. I am through the phase now of obsessing over this person and his bizarre behaviour. It was EXHAUSTING. Now its time to heal….

  • cindylouvallet@gmail.com'
    cindy
    August 31, 2017

    Yes yes yes. It is such exciting stuff having these breakthroughs!

    I sort out your healing program Melanie having encountered convert narcissistic abuse . I soon realised the background story(family abuse) and kept working through it. I have now found myself in a situation where my life has turned around. I now attract kindness love and support from others and the wretches that stuck to me like glue before now are not around or leave me alone.

    Yay!! At 50 I am the happiest I have ever been.
    Thanks a mill again!
    Love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Cindy,

      I am so pleased you are excited! It IS magical 🙂

      I had a smile ear to ear reading your post Cindy!

      Thank you for sharing.

      Mel xo

  • jennysherrell@gmail.com'
    Jenny
    August 31, 2017

    Thank you Melanie. This is another amazing unfolding of insight on how to become free from a hurtful attachment to an unloving partner – narcissistic or otherwise. I can see more clearly how the narcissist (or unloving partner) and co-dependent are both really very similar. They attracted each other because they both share the same dysfunction of looking outside themselves; neither has come to know the value and strength of the true inner Self. Instead each tries to feed off the emptiness in the other. Sounds gruesome! I can’t thank you enough for all the new information you keep delivering – I’m so grateful for every different slant you bring to the table. Because these life sapping ways of being are generational, and thoroughly instilled – they’re so difficult to remove from our system. Your videos always comes in at the most significant times for me. i think this may be the one that finally allows me to remove the remaining rot. Thank you again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Jenny,

      that is wonderful that it is all becoming so clear to you.

      You are so welcome, and I love that it is creating an awakening within your Inner Being!

      Bless you Dear Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jlmaples247@msn.com'
    jessica
    August 31, 2017

    For me, when woman are Bold or Speak their minds we are told we are B***hes. I think that is the fear here. We are suppose to be submissive. Be quiet, look pretty, let the man be the man etc… How do you assert your boundaries and use your confidence and not come off as a B***h? excuse the words but that is what we are called. sadly…. Ive been in 2 Narc long term relationships and one I wore the pants and it was horrible, I was used up and exhausted, so the next one I became a stay at home mom,.relinquished all power, had no say, no money, etc and I was completely devalued and treated like a ghost. So now, Im really considering just being alone forever and I’m in my 40’s… In both relationships I thought, “Im such a good person, I work hard I provide a nice life, or Im such a good devoted Mom and wife, I ask for nothing” “Why dont they love me and see how giving and kind I am, and reciprocate?”

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Jessica,

      truly Dear Lady you are right, so many women have had the beliefs of being “not enough” or “too much” to be loved.

      However … tHis I can pronmise you , as a woman who suffered from this terribly, as well as not knowing how to be in my feminine power healthily and happily – that when we heal within, the outer FULLY accepts us as is.

      Truly I promise you Jessica when we release and heal from our internal fractures with this… then the shakles ouside us break and we go free to be us and be loved as we are.

      I hope this inspires you to feel how true this could be for you.

      It’s your time – it’s women’s time.

      Mel xo

    • Melissa.pj.johnson@gmail.com'
      Melissa
      September 1, 2017

      Jessica- I feel you completely. I’m in my mid-40s as well and I am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life. My most recent “relationship” (all of a week and a half- lol) started off with the love bombing and then he turned on me- total 180 (just like my ex-husband of 17 years did). He was freaking out about me having boundaries and projecting his fears and insecurities onto me. I was in shock and hurt of course, but now I see that he is incapable of loving me because he doesn’t love himself. He can’t respect my boundaries because he doesn’t have any of his own. Yes, I attracted him because I still haven’t healed my inner wounds completely of not feeling worthy of love, so really I am GRATEFUL that he came into my life to remind me that I still have some work to do. Today as I was thinking of him, I imagined my emotions for him (the sadness, the confusion, the longing, the if-only-he-woulds) swirling up and out of my body into the air. I felt so light! So free! I decided I didn’t want to feel the low energy anymore. And once I felt the higher energy, it’s like I couldn’t bend down to go back to the lower one. I am choosing now to live at a higher vibration and there is no room for him there. I have no room in my life for someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries anymore. If they don’t, then THEY are not worthy of ME! Truly, it is his loss, not mine. There WILL be someone else who does repsect my boundaries, who will love me for me- but only once I start loving myself. I feel I am finally taking the first step. All the best to you, Jessica! There is life after these soul-sucking relationships :).

      • Jlmaples247@msn.com'
        Jess
        September 3, 2017

        Hi Melissa, thank you for sharing. My boundaries are not solid and my self confidence is nearly gone. After 7 yrs with a man that devalued me and never wanted sex with me and then had a girlfriend before he even moved out. He forgot about me and his 2 girls. We haven’t heard from him in 8 months. He’s living it up and I’m devastated raising our kids and feeling not good enough

  • gudrun@shootoutcrew.co.za'
    Gudrun
    August 31, 2017

    Yes, yes, yes! Such an important episode. It is amazing to observe that as I go along my healing journey, each episode becomes more and more like an epiphany!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 31, 2017

      Hi Gudrun,

      I am so pleased it is all stirring you – in such a good way 🙂

      Mel xo

  • judy.seymour115@btinternet.com'
    Judy
    August 31, 2017

    Yep – I had that feeling one evening, sitting on my newly acquired allotment and not long after escaping a narcissistic (well a few actually) relationship. I was just looking at the scene around me when I had this feeling – I am of it – not, oh look, isn’t this lovely, it was – I am of it. I could practically see threads connecting me to the world. It was very powerful, life changing. Spot on Melanie, thank you for the reminder.

  • jonassahlberg@hotmail.com'
    Olivia
    August 31, 2017

    it’s been coming to my mind lately that I didn’t grow up properly because I carried trauma.
    When you see the reason for all the dysfunction it is really so simple. Maybe not easy, but simple.

    It was an awesome episode Melanie and I really love your look !
    I want to be like you when I grow up 😀

    Blessings,
    Olivia

  • sonya.weiss@btinternet.com'
    Sonya
    August 31, 2017

    This has really helped me today – just what I needed to hear – I am goin g to listen to it every day for next week or so – just to remind me

  • teresa1mccormick@aol.com'
    Teresa McCormick
    September 1, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    I had to write to express how transformative – and transforming – your summary of this was: you went straight to the core and conveyed how this ‘virus’ disintegrates – simply, and forever – through the power of our presence and consciousness.
    I’ve been working NARP with you since 2013. I don’t use FB and my online presence is minimal, but I read and follow all of your generous work. My journey is testimony to how property settlements happen in a heartbeat: my lawyer actually used the word ‘miracle’ when the ex narc settled on property – in my favour – out of the blue.
    I realise that as a thriver, some four years on in my journey, that people who are still consumed and terrorised may feel they will never get through – but they will. I can testify to that. This ‘stuff’ is real: “there is nothing on the outside; it is all on the inside”.
    In fact, by way of endorsing my point, when I did the exercise with you and said ” people have hurt me; I have been a victim” etc. I literally felt next to no charge. Even I was surprised by this. It is a journey indeed, but not one we can travel in time or distance – we need simply sit with ourselves, and turn gently inwards – just as you have been showing us all these years. Thank you so very much.
    Much love,
    Teresa.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 1, 2017

      Hi Teresa,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you, and how deeply you “get it”.

      That is so wonderful that you generated that miracle – which is really unprecedented in normal narcissistic settlements. It truly is all on the inside – all of it.

      I love Teresa that you have been such a wonderful fellow traveller all this time Darling Lady!

      So many blessings to you.

      Mel xo

  • liezel.kinesiology@gmail.com'
    Liezel
    September 1, 2017

    You are looking gorgeous!

  • Gland23@yahoo.com'
    Gary
    September 1, 2017

    What a great episode!!! Thank you soooo much Melanie. I’ve known this in my heart to be true but was married to a narcissist for 35 years and I fall back into what was done to me and not what I can change inside. I’m working on this but still get triggered. I believe what you said completely and thank you again. You are a beautiful person for doing this and sharing!

    Gary

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 1, 2017

      Hi Gary,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed it.

      Thank you for your lovely post Gary and I wish you all the best with your healing journey and True Life.

      Mel xo

  • Melissa.pj.johnson@gmail.com'
    Melissa
    September 1, 2017

    Melanie- thank you 🙂 I have your NARP system but sadly have been procrastinating. This video reminds me that I need to do the work on myself as I am still attracting unhealthy relationships. I know the problem is me. I need to care for myself more and love myself first, starting with healing my inner wounds. Recent events have shown me that I have come a long way, but that I still have some work to do. God bless you for sharing your journey and insights with others. 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 1, 2017

      Hi Melissa,

      you are very welcome.

      Yes, you are the solution, Melissa – truly.

      Go get them lovely lady – it’s your time 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Stephanie5759@gmail.com'
    Stephanie
    September 1, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you so much for your continued insight. The more of your work I read, the more that things just ‘click’ into place. Your regular posts are a beautiful compliment to the NARP programme, not only do I ‘understand’ but I feel that I am not alone. It all makes perfect sense.

    I started the NARP programme in May & invested hours and hours each day to clearing and I cannot put into words what a profound change I have experienced within myself during that time. When I look back on who I was, I don’t recognise myself. I was at rock bottom, in complete despair, considered ending it all & today I feel freer & happier than I ever have done in my life, even before meeting the narcissist. Truly, I have clarity & peace where there was none before, I see my mother acting out in ways that I used to and I feel compassion for her rather than being right there with her as I once was.

    More recently I have become very aware of the pockets of emotional pain arising from within my body as I go about my day, often without awareness of the trigger. Regularly I awake from sleep due to these sensations & my response is to use module 1 shortened version, 1 brief healing at a time in short bursts to get these localised areas of pain out of my body.

    Is this wrong? Am I getting off track by doing this? I know I have a long way to go but I’m so excited for what the future holds already! I truly don’t want to step off the path but I’m not sure if my body is alerting me to what needs to be released next or if I should continue the full modules as I go. (I have been back and forth between modules 1,2,3,4 & 8 interchangeably).

    Sending love & eternal gratitude to you. Without discovering your work, I truly believe I wouldn’t be here right now.

    Regards, Stephanie xx

  • fernandes.jasmin@rocketmail.com'
    Jasmin
    September 2, 2017

    Dear Melanie
    This episode and topic of Wetiko! Omg. It felt like homecoming -so much sense! Also my remembering of past life connection with indian American soul, his fragmented soul.
    I am working through final charges of resistance on my goal that has come through recent organic realisation that I can’t blame anyone outside of me for my “misfortunes” and break down experiences. Terrific financially loss of my investment property losing much of my money following separation….and I made those decisions.

    My goal is: I am fully able to discern which projects, people and events will honour me and generate my abundance and fulfillment.
    I am generating all the wealth I need from within this moment. I have sufficient resources. I have my own comfortable and beautiful home.
    I am enjoying financial emotional and spiritual freedom.
    I am enjoying travel and company of my beloved son.
    I work for my own enjoyment and fulfillment.

    Thank you

  • pginaf@gmail.com'
    Daphne
    September 3, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you so much for your insights and guidance, it is so precious for me, especially in times of darkness.

    In this video, you mentioned that you now interact with narcissists and you don’t ‘quarantine’ yourself away from them. How do you approach them, feeling how and who they are? How do you deal with them, when they start gaslighting or throwing their negativity at you, or mistreating your authenticity? Recently I found myself sharing a vulnerable story (about a recently terrible narcissistic abuse) with someone I thought would honor and give space to my vulnerability, only to affirm her superiority -> shaming, turn the story onto herself, and other typically narcissistic behaviours. How do you continue relating to this person?

    I do imagine that, when you are strong enough within yourself, you do not get affected by this so much. Or you won’t need to expose your vulnerability so often. On the other hand, we do need to share and feel connected in our stories. What is the line between sharing (or better said, trying and risking to share our stories) and doing all the work on our own?

    All my love,
    Daphne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 4, 2017

      Hi Daphne,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      Daphne in a social setting I be myself. I don’t ascertain who anyone is or isn’t. I just am myself. I can’t even remember the last time I was gaslighted or spoken to in any way that was “off”.

      As per your example, I would use that as an incredible uplevel opportunity. I am triggered, this means I have trauma inside me about “not being validated.” I would bless that person silently for showing me something within me that needs further healing. I would go to that asap and find, release and heal that trauma within with Quanta Freedom Healing (the healing system within the NARP Program).

      Then if that happened to me again I would note that the trigger inside didn’t go off, and I would silently thank “that” person for allowing me to see in real time that the previous wounds was NO more! And I would be inwardly celebrating BIG time!

      Then I would simply just keep being myself! Knowing that the more the wounds of “not being validated” were addressed within my own being the more and more life would start lining up for me people that would validate and hear and see me (so within so without).

      And that was exactly what started to happen – in droves.

      It’s never actually about “others”.

      Make sense?

      Mel xo

      • pginaf@gmail.com'
        Daphne
        September 5, 2017

        Thank you so much Mel! It makes perfect sense. In fact, after posting this, I went inwards and followed one of the NARP modules and realized that most of my pain was indeed because of giving my power away, including the power of validation. So, just as you mentioned, now I feel grateful for what the person unearthed in me. And today I did meet a new person who was so loving and king and could see me. The magic of being at the center of creating our own lives is the most amazing thing ever! 🙂 And I found the idea of celebrating inwards after the person stops triggering us so cool!
        I am so grateful for your answer and for everything.

        Lots of love,
        Daphne

  • sheopi@yahoo.co.uk'
    Sophie
    September 5, 2017

    Hi Mel

    I just wondered what your thoughts are on dealing with family members who you can’t ‘leave’ in the same way as partners. I have just spent a weeks holiday with my aunt and realised or had it confirmed that a lot of her behaviour is still very narcissistic towards others and she is using me as a buffer to her fears of old age – even though she herself is more aware than my Dad (her brother) that their mother was narcissistic.
    So my question is even though I can see i can handle family members better when I do more clearing of old patterns and take my time to respond carefully to requests or hooks masked as gifts/generosity – what is your thoughts on moving somewhere new to start a new life with much less contact with family. As a lone parent I have been in theory quite reliant on family but I can now see they hold me to a place where I no longer want to be and having broken off a two year relationship and the father of my son previously…i wonder If I’m better and more functional as a parent alone with my son in a new town or part of the country? Even if that requires meeting all new people and new support networks as a parent…
    I’d like to move away from the city I have lived in most of my life for somewhere in the countryside but then I have to look at how much I’d still be relied upon to care for my elders in old age, even from afar. I guess it’s a case of managing my energy and only doing what I feel I can do safely?

    in the past, I used to feel guilty for not being helpful and then put upon afterwards but I know see that if they have been unable to change their ways and are feeling lonely in old age its not my responsibility to bear! Although I do fear my son turning round to me one day and saying he’s off and not looking back – so I really see what you’re saying about filling up to the point you are no longer co-dependent at all. The irony is my aunt believes she is a “solitary’ as she calls it and doesn’t want to rely on anyone yet is very demanding and controlling and can be very ego driven.

    Love and Light 😉
    Sophie

  • Haley
    September 5, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Thank you so much for your extremely helpful insights.
    There is something that really feels like a conundrum for me though and is really keeping me hooked in and I wonder if you could shed some light on this.
    I know that the physical intimate connection was the best and most compatible I have ever had with a man and I have had a lot of relationships and I really know that it was the same for him and this is what is hooking us both together and I can’t let go of this. Even after all the abuse. Everything matched perfectly, our bodies together, the way we kissed, everything. I have never had this before with anyone in my many experiences and so feel I will never have this again and so I cannot unhook. The unique compatibility was uncanny. Please could you shed some light on this as it is like torture.
    Thanks Melanie.
    My best wishes to you,
    Haley

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 6, 2017

      Hi Haley,

      This is consistent with many people with N’s – or in unhealthy relationships.

      When we are doing soul evolution it is always something that we will be challenged with – the letting go. There will be a reason – something they do, are or have, or the sex that will cause us to battle and possibly not honour our soul.

      This is the deal – when we do honour our soul above all else – including GREAT sex – then we get the rewards of great sex again (even better) with the appendage attached to a healthy, wholesome person.

      Such are the well-earned graduations of becoming a True Self.

      Make sense?

      Mel xo

  • martin.issima@hotmail.it'
    Lady Jedi
    September 6, 2017

    On a lighter note..I am reading Harry Potter right now and I was reading the Dementor’s chapter on August 31st. It gave me food for thought! And when I watched this today, I laughed so hard when you mentioned them.

    Now that’s some serious syncronicity ahah!

    Btw, my inner child is relating to HP so much. these books are so healing. Truly a masterpiece.

    Fantastic video Mel 🙂

  • yoshilange41@gmail.com'
    Michael
    September 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie: You are so awesome. I thank you for speaking up for all of us who have suffered from narcissistic abuse. I would venture to say that most of us would not know where to go or whom to turn to for help and support. Your videos are awesome and give us help along the way. You are right to say that we should not be digging up all of the information we can on narcissists. I know i did and did it help me? No! Sure i tried thinking to myself that now i will be able to see any narcissist coming at me. But i was terribly wrong. I realized just as you did that there are narcissists all around me. As my narcissistic wife told me several months ago “I will never change. You have been trying to change me all of our married life. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.” The narcissist will never change as you have said and if they do it is only to get more narcissistic supply. I know i have many inner wounds, some of which will take a while to heal- some were generated as a child and have only come into the light recently. I am quite sure that i was a co-dependant. I was always the people pleaser. Doing whatever it took to avoid the argument. I shrunk back on myself. Always taking the abuse and never saying anything. Finally with help from people like yourself, I was able to break free from under their tyrannical grip. My narcissistic wife can not believe the change i have made in last year or so. She does not know what to think of me anymore. Her abuse doesn’t fly with me anymore. I have begun to see a lot more clearly now, which is good. I have begun to call things for what they are. I have begun to stand up for others, my children in particular,especially when a narcissist is going after them. The work you do is awesome. I know that i have greatly benefited from it. Keep up the great work. Thank you.

  • upaddlewell@gmail.com'
    JON C> IVERSON
    September 13, 2017

    “THE MOST POWERFUL NARCISSIST INOCULATION” YOUR BEST OF THE BEST. WOULD BE A TRANSFER TO PRINT, WORD FOR WORD BENEFIT TO ALL LIGHT GIVERS. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • Timotej@tutanota.com'
    Timotej
    September 13, 2017

    Melanie, I have a difficult question: Do you think that I can feel a relationship to my 2 year old child the same as to narcisist? Because, after watching your videos so many times, and other videos on narcisistic abuse, that is exactly what I feel, although in my case it is so small child. I must explain my situation: i seperated from girlfriend 1 year ago. When a child was only 1 year old. Actually I left her, and then they moved somewhere else. They live so far away, that I cannot have a contact with my child more often than once a month or once every two months. Child doesn’t want to speak through the computer. I cannot stop thinking about him. Specially, I believe, because the situation is so dificult: I cannot have any contact, even though I try, and when I have a chance to visit him, he doesn’t want to leave mother. This is understandable, because he is so small. And me and my ex cannot stay in the same room without tension. He doesn’t want to live with me, although we tried. He misses mother too much, when he is staying (living with me). Whenever I hear any kind of story about narcisists, I feel the same, but in my case, it is my child. Also I felt the same feelings as I always did to all my girlfriends. I idealised them, put them on pedestal, couldn’t stop thinking about them etc….i see my child as an angel in my head….. is it my childhood wound there somewhere? Could i be at peace even though this situation is dificult? what do you think? I really want your personal opinion. Your feeling. Thank you. ……. And the hardest part is, that I feel so much guilt, that I should try more. All hollywood movies speak about fathers leaving children, and how bad they are………. Many videos on narcisistic abuse, speak about how abandonment can cause us huge wounds……. so, I can’t feel comfort in any human world……..Also this guilt was present all my life. ……….I am constantly watching your videos, Melanie, and they really help.

    • Timotej@tutanota.com'
      Timotej
      September 14, 2017

      Hi again, later today I realised something. In all of your videos, Melanie, you are repeating, that all the knowledge about narcisists and so on, won’t help us. So, I realised I was doing exactly that. I was avoiding the pain. I was searching for the answer instead of being with my self. So I did that. I left the pain to overwhelm me. The actual pain of the loss which happened, no matter how it looks like, it is a huge loss for me. Right now. And maybe it has nothing to do with narcisism. So, I left the pain to be. It is this devastating feeling, that you lost everything. That you died. That the loved one is gone. This was the feeling I was so terrified off for the whole of my life. Each time girlfriend left me, it was that huge feeling of the loss, abandonment. Like I would die. So, the first few times, I still knew how to feel it. I knew how to cry. How to be with myself. Then my father said, stop, stop doing that. Turn your mind into something else. And I believed him. So I started reading books on psychology, self help books and so on. And after that, next 25 years, I was terrified of being abandoned. And in this case, the case of my child, I also had this huge feeling of abandonment. Just the opposite, what would people normally say. I felt like he was abandoning me, not the other way around. And today, for the first time in my life, something changed. I left the pain, the feeling of loss. I was working something physically in the meantime, so not all of my intention was in the emotions. But, then, when my mind was already somewhere else, in the planning of the next work, I suddenly just realised that I feel good. I was in a shock. It felt like I was awake. That something awaked me for the first time. I didn’t know what happened. I just knew that I feel good. That I am aware of the situation I have with my son, but I feel good. Now, I don’t know, how will I solve the puzzle of seeing him etc….. but at least I am pretty sure, that this was the lesson, he tried to teach me. Ever since he was born, there were constant losses. Almost on a daily baisis, because I seperated with my ex very soon. The atmosphere was too abusive. I didn’t want neither me nor my son to feel that. All the best to all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 14, 2017

      HI Timotej,

      I really do believe it would be very normal to feel a deep and powerful connection to our child – absolutely.

      However, what I do know is that when we feel any trauma or obsession it is about an unhealed part of ourselves keeping us separated from “what we want” on that topic.

      T, have you connected to my free resources yet and accessed the way to more deeply heal?

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage

      I know this would help you a lot.

      Mel xo

      • Timotej@tutanota.com'
        Timotej
        September 17, 2017

        Thank you, Mel.

        I did what you’ve suggested
        Thank you for that.

        The thought that has been in me for several months now: “Absolutely whenever I see my child in my mind, and whenever I feel panic connected to that image, that is actually my own inner child in need of my attention, disguised as my ‘real life son'”, has become even more clearer and truer and I believe it more, after following steps you suggested.

        The horrific part of my meditation with my inner child was,
        That I found out, that I carry something totally different in my self,
        Than I would ever expect. I expected it would be about my ex partner
        Or mother or father, but no.
        The biggest fear I have is like there from ancient times,
        And it was the fear of all brutality that mankind is possible of producing.
        It felt like that in unspecifed time I was present to these horrific events.
        That shocked me so much, I got totally frozen.
        It was something totally unexpected.
        I lived my life in quite safe inviroment.
        And my father only hit me a few times on my behind.
        Nothing more than that.

        But my whole life, i felt like i am surraounded with horrible people,
        I was terrified of everyone.
        And i couldn’t know why.
        Now i know better.

        I felt such a great relief, just to know the fact that this fear finally got the name. I am from Europe, and I am pretty sure, this fear has been transfered to me from ancestors who were in horrific world war 1 and 2 and I believe that so many people might carry the same fear. Actually my ex partner were constantly explaining to me that there are constant whole movies rolling in her mind about the rape and similar events, although she never experienced something like that. She always needed someone to sleep with her, she couldn’t stand being alone in any house. Which is the case for so many women in my country.

        Instantly i had forgivness for her, but even more for my father,
        Who raised me, like there were danger on any step.

        Now i understand why.

        I understand, that there were some forces in him,
        That he didn’t know about.

        I always thought that he is making things up. I was angry with him, because it though HE IS CREATING those thoughts. After experiencing what I had, I KNOW, that THESE FORCES WERE CREATING THROUGH HIM. Which is a great difference.

        All the best to you, Mel, and the community.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          September 17, 2017

          Hi Timotej,

          it is so wonderful that you are getting deep to the core of thins – to find and release that trauma and then go free.

          Great work.

          Mel xo

          • Timotej@tutanota.com'
            Timotej
            September 18, 2017

            Thank you, Mel,

            Thanks for the uplifting words.

            I have a lot of struggle to believe which reality is true.
            So hard when you’ve lived the whole life in one reality.
            Reality when you listened to your parents and society’s “what is normal” unconditionally, and never new that there are emotions inside and inner child………….
            Whole bettle field of opposing beliefs.

            All the best,
            T

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            September 18, 2017

            Hi Timotej,

            it is hugely confusing when we still have trauma in our body and try to work it out intelligibly with our head.

            Once we start releasing the trauma within we just start “knowing”.

            The struggle goes.

            Mel xo

  • llcburch@gmail.com'
    Lorie
    September 14, 2017

    I have listened to this 6 times!! Its fascinating. I will probably listen to it a few more times too.

    I LOVE that you promote growth by turning away from the narcissism. It has to be the answer! There is no doubt about it in my mind and based on my very painful experiences. Although I think its healthy at first to hole up and lick ones wounds, learn about what happened and find explanations for such cruelty and evil. After awhile though it becomes damaging. We only stop being a victim when WE STOP BEING A VICTIM…The only way to do that is by doing exactly what you explained here and make a huge shift inside ourselves.

    Bravo to you for sharing!

    Thank you for helping so many people all over the world not only survive but overcome, move forward and thrive!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 14, 2017

      HI Lorie,

      I love that you love this and align yourself as a Thriver.

      Many blessings to you!

      Mel xo

  • webdoar@gmail.com'
    Y
    October 9, 2017

    Hillel says, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?” Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14
    Mel, You in a very helpful way explain how to bring this statement into our lives to heal ourselves. Well done. God bless you.

  • webdoar@gmail.com'
    Y
    October 9, 2017

    Melanie there’s something I’ve been holding myself back from saying but will say now just once and likely blushing while i say so;
    in addition to the beautiful things you do for people in your lessons, blogs etc – you are also one beautiful woman!

  • traceybiela@gmail.com'
    Tracey
    October 15, 2017

    Great video! I have been working on opening my heart and also realising that I am in control and yes that I have manifested my situation with my narcissistic husband of 17 years (together for 21 with two kids), even though it was only by pulling away from him that I have finally realised that he is a narcissist. Now after repeating your positive mantra I can feel my heart finally opening! I know I have a lot still ahead of me to continue on my journey but thanks for the great inspiration.

    Best,
    T.

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    Deanna
    November 15, 2017

    Hi Mel!
    You yourself keep learning and growing ie. becoming more magnificent all the time! This video was AWESOME!!!!
    I say, “Where would we ALL be? If you didn’t take on ‘full dedication, joy and the glorious journey of freeing yourself from your internal trauma”!?!?!?!?!?
    Your teachings and example have helped me in ways I could never have imagined.
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you are talking about empowerment. I remember a phrase you use in one of the modules, “Power to Achieve” that was a turning point for me.
    Your focus on personal empowerment is on the level of our great foremothers of feminism: the suffragettes, Gloria Steinem et al.
    I grew up being taught that the “right way” for a woman to live is to find a man she can be dependent on and to actually underachieve. This is the meaning of success in terms of my upbringing by my mother. Thank God I never listened to her! Although rebelling against her ideology was an internal mental civil war smashing in my gut. My logical mind kept driving me to go beyond her dysfunctional teachings, yet I still battled those internal traumas you speak of as well as that I was held back from what I truly was capable of due to the beliefs I carried because of her dysfunctional programming.
    I have been working very hard for decades to break free of this trauma and programming. While I have made great strides, it is your teachings, videos and Quanta Freedom Healing modules that have TRULY helped me unlock doors and peel away layers that nothing else could. These traumatic beliefs are VERY POWERFUL and it is difficult to break free of them with basic therapy methods. It is truly through the energetic cleansing of the Quanta Freedom Healing that I was REALLY able to deeply cleanse and detox. If there is anyone reading my post other than Mel, please simply trust the process and do the modules. You can’t even imagine how powerful and healing they are until you actually experience them.
    In addition, using the term Weitiko and this particular way of explaining the difference between living life from the outside in vs. living life from the inside out is ground breaking and truly nails it.
    Mel, I SO SO SO appreciate and am grateful for all that you do and share with us!
    Your videos just keep getting better and better as you yourself grow and lead us on the Thriver Journey.
    Lots of love,
    Deanna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 15, 2017

      Hi Deanna,

      thank you for your kind words Dear Lady 🙂 I’m so pleased you enjoyed this video.

      I so relate to the prior learning we had in regard to being feminine and what it is, in the age we are in, to be feminine and powerful – we are so blessed to reach for and achieve this now!experience them.

      I love that Quanta Freedom Healing has provided you with the powerful breakthroughs – as it has for me.

      So much love to you too Deanna! Thrive On Beautiful Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

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