What is Real Love and how do you find it after narcissistic abuse?
In this Thriver’s Life episode I will share my way to fill up with Love every single day, even when life is not giving you a reason to!
Please note that this is not just some fluffy, gratitude-based video!
It’s realistic and totally anchored in truth.
Video Transcript
Welcome to today’s Thriver’s Life episode, regarding how to create your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.
Today I want to talk to you about how I fill my life with Love every single day.
But don’t be mistaken, this is not some fluffy new-age speech.
Because life isn’t always about everything being just sweet, wonderful and lovely.
That’s actually not what Love is.
Love is more realistic than that.
I do hope that sharing my journey of experiencing profound Love can help inspire you to know that Love is the supreme force, no matter what our circumstances may look like.
And, of course, that’s not always easy to know.
Okay, so before we launch into this topic, I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel. Your support for the Thriver mission is so appreciated. Also please remember to like this video if it speaks to you, and to share with others whom you know could benefit from it.
Okay, on to today’s episode!
What is Love Really?
So much of my alignment with life, to experience real Love, is spiritual.
I’m talking about a Higher Power, because this is where I have found the consistent, never wavering stream of Love and well-being that is my life. This doesn’t mean that I’m religious, or that I have a connection with any particular higher deity.
Rather, I believe that “God” or what you may call “Consciousness” or “Creation” (or any denominational deity of your choice) is everywhere and in all things.
Another name for this Force is Love, which is also everywhere and in all things. Additionally, this Force is benevolent, acting “for” us and not “to” us.
I didn’t always believe this. Previously I believed this Force had turned its back on me and was punishing me.
Since Thriving, I know this Force is always partnering with me, granting me what I need to become more loving, even though my personality (especially when it used to be in control of my life) is annoyed at not getting what I think I want.
I have discovered, that when people and situations are not reflecting Love back to me and I’m judging this as unloving, instead of seeing the deeper purpose behind it, I struggle to Love myself, and others, as well as life itself.
To me, Love is more about “letting go” rather than trying to “be” loving.
Let me explain …
The letting go is the dropping of judgement, letting go of blame and shame. Letting go of victimised feelings and believing that life has somehow got this wrong.
Love is acceptance.
That there is a purpose to what is happening, no matter how it seems.
Via the Quantum Truth – so within, so without, life is always reflecting back to us more of ourselves – the unhealed parts of ourselves, or the parts of ourselves that are stuck in fear and trauma and are handing our power away and have not yet claimed the true power of authentic Love for Who We Really Are.
Trying to “be” Love is ineffective. Usually, this leads to trying to earn love. The real truth is we already ARE Love. We don’t have to try to “be” Love. We already are a part of All That Is, which IS LOVE.
And we automatically remember this in a coded truth when we let go of all the judgements and traumas that have kept us stuck in unconsciousness. Meaning, the disconnection from our true essence.
As soon as we start to release the trauma that is Not Who We Are, we reset back to Who We Really Are, organically.
And that is, Love.
I promise you, it took me decades of my life to understand this, but the real job is to return to Love, to know ourselves as All of Creation knows us.
Love is not something that we cultivate, it naturally arises as a result of letting go of the trauma, false beliefs and lies that have stopped us knowing and being ourselves.
A Deeper Look at Real Love
We may have been indoctrinated to believe that Love is sweet and innocent and always gentle.
It’s not.
Real love is truthful, it is based in honest authenticity.
Love can be fierce.
Real Love makes the hard and tough decisions, such as having the difficult conversations, confronting, laying boundaries and stating, “This situation and person is not my reality. I am loving enough within myself not to try to change or force someone to be what I need them to be in order to be happy”.
Real Love releases. Love sets free.
Love does not seek to cling, control or change or force anything.
Love, when basking in authenticity, has no need to.
Love inspires people and situations which have the capacity to Love.
Most of all, real Love does not hold others responsible for one’s own feelings and life.
Real Love knows that loving one’s self is between self and one’s higher wisdom (power) and that all Love comes from there.
My Daily Love Routine
This is how my life goes every day … like this …
I either have beautiful heart-warming experiences, or not.
I am completely orientated and dedicated to the following – being self-partnered regardless of what my experiences are. Because that is what real Love is all about.
And, if I have an experience that throws me out of my self-partnered wholeness, then I am fully dedicated to reaching inside my being with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), finding the corresponding trauma within me that is triggered and releasing it and then bringing in more of Source (my Higher Power) to replace where the trauma once was.
This effectively midwives this breakdown straight through to a breakthrough.
Then I immediately feel my inner wholeness again, even better than before this up levelling opportunity.
And, if there are no triggers, then I just get to enjoy my wholeness and an incredible flow and gratitude for the amazing things that unfold each and every day in my life, no matter how big or small.
I have zero preference for either scenario. Each is equally blessed and blissful!
None of this “being love” is an effort. None of this “feeling loved” needs to be strived for. That’s just what being self-partnered and orientated towards inner wholeness brings.
That is my simple daily Love routine.
Since living life by this partnered formula every day, this is what I’ve discovered about Love.
I have no expectation, necessity or requirement for anything nice to happen for me to be loving or feel Love.
Love just is.
And, real Love between self and life does not mean that you are an island who will not connect with other people.
What I discovered is that the more healthily self-partnered I became, the more Love, connection and approval flooded into my life, which of course was more of my own self- partnering.
Because truly, everything is interconnected, as One … in Love.
When the Need is Gone, Love Arrives
Before I used Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) as my daily self-partnering tool, I did constantly get triggered, and would often require my expectations to be filled, in order to try to feel good about myself.
My life was precariously poised on what other people thought of me and how they treated me. If people weren’t loving me then I didn’t know how to feel lovable or be Love.
This is what I now know – when you are dedicated to your wholeness, there is absolutely no need for anyone or anything to come for you to feel whole, because you already are.
The complete and utter irony of all of this is that we used to believe that we had to get things in order to feel whole.
Rather, it is the wholeness anchored in Love, which really just means freeing ourselves to be our True Self without trauma, that makes the doing and the getting of Love and extension of who we are already Being, effortless.
I really believe that when you no longer need something and you’re not terrified about losing it, you have the greatest freedom to generate it, attract it, maintain it and actually fully enjoy it.
That is what Love does and is.
I really hope that this episode has made a lot of sense to you, and that you can deeply feel the cellular truth of it in your body.
Because that is where your truth does speak to you.
If you know that this is your time to return to Love, to Who You Really Are, then I’d Love to take you by the hand and show you how.
It’s so much more pure and simple than you may think, and nowhere near as scary as you may imagine.
So come with me by clicking this link.
And if you enjoy this video please give it a thumbs up, and remember if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do so that you are notified about my two new videos each week.
As always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
And, please know I Love You.
And, remember after narcissistic abuse we take our life so much further. Because we can!
Bravo! I am at a loss for words at the moment. Lol. That might not be such a bad thing. hahaha So perfect.
Ha ha Michael,
I’m so pleased that this just anchored in, inside you!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am now experiencing wholeness without having to strive for that which wasn’t good for me, but it brought me back to myself!
That is so key Theresa!
Great job!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Just what I needed this morning!
So helpful, simple, doable and beautiful! …. (though this Truth is simple, really/deeply getting into the NARP work has, for me, required lots of discipline plus a willingness to accept masses of ups ‘n downs)
Big thank you Mel :))
Now I’ll go and do my first NARP Module for today. I’m still pretty wobbly (with lots of trauma based health issues), so back in I go to peel off more layers of that which is not Authentic Me.
Actually look forward to it now, bumps ‘n all lol ….
So much LOVE to you Mel xox
Hi Cyndy-Lou,
That’s beautiful that this was timely for you.
Absolutely the NARP work is all that, ultimately peeling all the layers off to simply just BE our truth!
I’m so thrilled that you are now embracing it more fully with All of your heart.
Sending you continued and amazing blessings and breakthroughs
and of course much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hello Melanie,
I want to particularly thank you for providing a way for people not only to thrive after experiencing trauma and abuse, but also to heal, grow and uplevel even while they are perhaps (for practical reasons of finance, opportunity, children, etc.) unable to change their situation just yet. As I have discovered: even when I thought all hope lost, it was and is possible to use the tools you provide – and even (especially?) in the darkest times – to attain a sense of growth, possibility and joy even in a scorched-earth situation.
In case anyone thinks I am saying that the NARP tools make it possible for someone to stay and even be comfortable in a bad situation, I am not. Rather, in addition to NARP’s many other benefits, the tools provide a way of achieving clarity in chaos, of feeling your way into understanding where you are and why, and of gaining enough mental space to be able to make plans and carry them out. Ultimately, the tools can become a lifeline to leaving.
I can never thank you enough, Melanie.
Hi Al,
you are so very welcome!
The biggest power is in knowing that we can shift our state into wholeness and peace, regardless of whatever circumstances are happening in life.
And that is when we become the Quantum Creator to create miraculous shifts in our outer world that follow our inner world.
And, 100% rather than keeping you enmeshed in terrible situations, it provides the space and way and opportunities and power to get you Allout of them.
This is why NARP is so transformative in your life http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I love that you are experiencing the truth of this!
Sending you so much love, power and the being catapulted into your True Self and Life!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hello once again .
I have often wondered “what love is”
I am 61, and have always looked outside of me to try to find love . In reality I have been moved today to tears in recognition of you vision of what love is . I embrace it . I know it is with in . My trauma has repeated its self in all of my relationships to date , this video had beautifully shown me a truth I have been denied by my self looking out wards instead of with in .
Awww Kenn,
What you have written nearly makes me dissolve into tears … Of joy for you.
Sending you so many blessings and much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
So clear, so lucid. Spoken through the wisdom of the heart.
There are stories about love, and then there is the real thing, which you illuminate so perfectly—and so simply—here.
May the entire world have ears to hear this, and take it in, deeply.
Bless you, Mel.
Thank you JP,
for resonating deeply with the truth.
Sending you infinite blessings of love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Oh Mel, goodness this is beautiful beyond words and brings me to tears too…the time we spend lost in the trance and being as far from love as we do. Thank you wise Spirit. A suggestion for your reading list? Panache Desai ‘s new book “ You are Enough” …I read an extract earlier and it echoes here . It was in “ The Sunday Paper ,” online weekly paper published by Maria Shriver. Sending love and blessings Mel, I will be watching this episode a few more times this week to hear it deep in my cells..hope Tiggy is recuperating well, noticed he kept his back to the audience throughout today! ❤️❤️🙏🙏🌷🌟
Hi Val,
you are so welcome beautiful lady. I’m so happy that you felt this deep in your heart as well.
Thank you for your well wishes for Tiggy, he is doing so well. He’s much happier.
In other recordings he has shown his face to the camera, it’s so cute!
All my love darling Val
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dearest Melanie
How beautiful you look today.
When I first saw the title I saw my ego react and then listening to it 3 times in a row I melted.
How loving it is this journey that you have paved the way for me and all the others.
Its hard right now so much stuff and cant get to blessing it and being in bliss about it but ploughing on with gratitude in my heart that I am here.
I was really interested in when I heard you talk about your personality in a way that you have detached from its reactions, that was something new for me to hear and reassuring.
This was such a heartfelt, warm, loving , authentic and truly beautiful video today Melanie so much true love expressed.
Thank you dear one and may you continue to be our inspiration.
Love 💔 Reena xxx
Hi Reena,
awwww that is so beautiful that you melted!
Reena I feel so humbled and honoured to share this glorious journey of love with this community.
I’m so pleased that there was something new in this for you darling lady and that you enjoyed this so much.
So much love to you sweetheart
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m going to print this off as a reminder to myself. Thank you so much for such a beautifully written message, which at the same time somehow covered and connected all the thinking behind it and even the practical application in daily living. Everything, it’s all right here in this post. I’ve read many of your posts, and this one really struck a chord with me. Thank you again.
Hi Nick,
it is my absolute pleasure and sending much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
This description of Love is very beautiful and accessible to many people. Thank you for “feeding” so many with the bread of Life in a beautiful, elegant way that makes sense!
I have absolutely lived by these principles of Self Love which are now enhanced since the Narc experience. And yet, just under a month ago the immense Power Of Love was dropped into my soul like never before in a near death experience.
Last month, I got very ill while on a business trip three thousand miles from home. I was alone in my hotel room and I passed on.
In that place of “in between” I was pure Awareness. It was kind of like the ultimate state attained in Transcendental Meditation. I was just Awareness. Not attached to a human history or set of relationships. I knew I was no longer in physical form.
In that state, I still had “thinking”.
Just previous to the passing, I had been entertaining thoughts of deep discouragement because I so want to teach people to love themselves and so few really receive it. It seems they’ll only take enough love to fix human situations but not enough LOVE to actually thrive and be totally free to LET GO of things and personal will.
I did not want to come back. I felt that this human life was without value completely unless we are living in pure joy , happiness and supportive loving relationships. I wanted nothing more to do with the Fake Success of this world.
Our church had just finished a week long, world wide study on Truth that week. And in that other dimension I remembered that God IS Love and I am of Him.
LOVE, God, brought me back to this world and the first thing I thought was OMG, I HAVE TO LOVE myself. More importantly to Love myself than to love anyone else. It is in loving myself that evil is destroyed. I had forgotten to actively practice loving MYSELF as the exclusive Truth that Jesus came to teach us.
Love is the platform for human Life and inseparable from it. Without Love, we might as well not be here on earth.
We love ourselves IF we believe the Truth that GOD – DIVINE LOVE – IS OUR SOURCE or Father/Mother. If we really receive the teaching of Christ, we live as children of a LOVING GOD.
When we see evil of any kind, we must DESTROY it. LOVE is not neutral. But the way to destroy evil (“destroy” means to End the Existence of something) is to LOVE more.
We end the Existence of evils within our own life first. This is an ongoing practice.
For me, I realise that it is not IN ADDITION to my regular work, but IT IS my work. IT IS PRIMARY.
Love will ultimately annihilate EVERYTHING except Itself. It is a fierce, perfect Power.
Knowing this, I feel compassion for those who do not awake to Love in this lifetime.
The practice of loving, accepting and releasing is the breath of this human existence. It is a necessary continual Spiritual purification without which we lose the Joy of Living.
Aww Iris thank you for your kind words!
I so agree with you that the Near Death Experience is profoundly transformative!
It’s beautiful you came out the other side.
Iris you are such a profound teacher, everything that you have written here is ultimate truth. I adore how you say “it is my work and its primary”. That’s it, there is nothing else to do!
And I agree, that everyone is on a perfect journey in their own perfect timing. They can’t miss love and returning to love because there actually is nothing else. It’s not a matter of if, it’s only a matter of when.
Biggest love to you Iris
Mel 🙏💕💛
P.S.
I forgot to say, I was perfectly healed when I came back though a cough went on for another few days.
I’m fine now.
This video message was love in it’s most pure form. I listened this morning and the message was truly coming from my inner being which is why there was such resonance.
Self partnering and a return to love is truly all there ever is and it has changed my life from the inside out. It’s so liberating when you realize no person or circumstance hold the key. I found you four years ago and have freed myself by living and maintaining this thriver way of life. This video came right on time this morning I just want to express my sincere appreciation. I also loved the recent video on boundaries. I was missing the piece about about the boundary being for one’s self!!
I think as we continue to up level and do the work things continue to become clearer and in focus. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Hi Juliann,
I love that you resonated with this so deeply.
That’s beautiful.. the wisdom that you are sharing today, and please know how welcome you are.
It’s very true Juliann, that as you continually heal the real, pure and spectacularly loving truths come into view, and can be embodied.
So much love to you as well Juliann
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Mel, Amazing again, iv’e found since doing the NARP program several months ago, i thought everything was perfect then,, but it gets better every Day, So much deeper and richer in every dimension of my life, iv’e never felt So Contented as i do now, Wow so what will tomorrow Bring. It’s interesting the saying ” that we are now back in the Drivers seat of our lives ” because when i was with the N, i wasn’t allowed to drive my own car, but had to sit in the passengers seat, like a naughty boy, it just got me to thinking the simple things we take for granted, until it is taken away from us, and now i’ll never take my freedom for Granted again, but live my life to the fullest, Blessings Col.
Hi Col,
I’m so thrilled for you that life gets better every day with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I promise you I have exactly the same experience, and it is glorious to be on this trajectory of letting go of who we are not and filling up with more and more of our True Self.
It is meant to be heaven on earth! How beautiful you want to live your life to the fullest!
Blessed be and much love to you Col
Mel 🙏💕💛
Beautiful message. When I turned inwards and released my inner fears my life changed.
People tell me I am glowing now days, where a year ago due to the escalated abuse I looked Jaded, beaten and angry.
I am none of those now.
I love myself and my life and it will be whatever I decide to make out of what comes towards me. What I vibrate in love returns to me including a better relationship with my adult children. I am not sure exactly when the shift happened with my children and it doesn’t matter as it is wonderful and I feel it.
When one truly believes and self partners their life changes. It has been a tumultous year full of all emotions, bringing me to my inner being and loving her. My advice to everyone struggling, just let go and allow yourself to be set free.
Love your work Melanie.
Hi Karen,
you put this so beautifully and simply – when you let go of your inner fears your life changed!
That is it in a nutshell. That is the key to an incredible life!
It’s very true Karen that when you shift, your children organically follow. They go where you do. There is DNA entanglement going on there!
Thank you for your kind words Karen and much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💛
100% truth.
Love has a name….Jesus.
Satan can appear as an angel of light.
OMG, this was by far the best episode that I have seen from you!!! This is EXACTLY what I am SOOOOO close to achieving. I rid myself of a 12 year narcissistic relationship and began to build myself back up. I embarked on a relationship (hindsight, too soon I think) only 4 months after being on my own. At first, it seemed so right and so different than what I had experienced, however, I continued to self help, read, listen to my inner self and slowly I started questioning this relationship and have struggled leaving it as I still fall back at times to where i feel it’s something I am doing…and it is to a point and I learned this from THIS episode. I have to and I repeat HAVE to love myself, look to myself and continue on the path that was created for me. I cannot let my true self be buried again no matter how painful it may be to keep it at the surface. I am so grateful for your words and your encouragement. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I will continue to look inside and keep feeding my soul and being with ‘good stuff’ like this!!!
Hi Tia,
I am so pleased that this deeply resonates with you and you know the way ahead.
Tia, sweetheart, have you checked out my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
it seems that you equally want to heal and embrace what I’ve written about, and NARP is the fastest most helpful way I know to achieve that after suffering a lifetime, and/or relationships of abuse.
Sending love, healing a breakthrough to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
We have an obligation to tell the truth. If you or someone you know has specific information and facts that can lead to solving a crime or factually reveals the perpetrators, you need to come forward so the victims and those harmed can get the clear facts they need to move on and heal properly.
Real love isn’t about playing games, gambling, traps, entrapment, trickery, meddling, revenge or schadenfreude or curses.