It can be a shock when you realise just how entitled narcissists are. Of course, there are people who have healthy self-interest and know how to get their needs met.
Narcissists, however, are not displaying healthy deservedness. Rather they are a model of obscene self-entitlement, causing great pain, destruction and devastation to others.
Why do narcissists act in this way? Why are narcissists totally oblivious to anybody else’s emotions, needs, values or rights?
Discover the answers to these questions and the signs to look out for in this video.
Video Transcript
I know that many of you in this community are nice and humble people.
Maybe you are totally happy for other people to take the limelight.
Maybe, you have even secretly admired people who seem to be confident and are able to get their needs met.
Yet, what seems to be confidence and healthy deservedness, takes a sinister turn when we start experiencing just how entitled narcissists are.
That’s what I want to talk about today, exactly why narcissists are as entitled as they are, and how this behaviour manifests, as well as how it affects you.
But before we get into this conversation, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver Mission.
It’s so important that more people understand that there is a way to heal for real from abuse and your participation helps make that happen, so please make sure that if you haven’t yet subscribed that you do.
Also, please like and share my videos so that together we can help spread this message.
Alright, so let’s start peeling this topic back so that you can understand why narcissists are so entitled!
I Deserve It!
Narcissists believe that other people should grant them what they want and that they are entitled to have specific and special treatment.
One of the earliest warning signs that you may discover about this is how in a group or a social setting the narcissist expects to be the centre of attention, and if someone else is receiving energy from people, that the narcissist will appear uncomfortable, anxious and even angry.
He or she may discredit this person later and will usually attack you if you were impressed with this person or granted them energy at the time.
Narcissistic supply needs to be regulated so closely and ferociously, that if somebody else is taking energy then the narcissist perceives this person as a threat. If this person continues to obtain what the narcissist believes is his or her share of supply, then the narcissist will desire to eliminate the threat.
Now let’s look at how a narcissist treats you in relation to entitlement.
A narcissist believes that he or she is entitled to all the goodies that you can provide.
What this means is: “You will do what I want you to do. You must grant me your energy, attention, resources, contacts and money when I ask for them and want them.”
The narcissist will also expect the following: “You are supposed to grant me what I want even when I’m not asking for it. You are supposed to just serve me unwaveringly.”
Narcissistic entitlement is certainly not about “healthy deservedness.”
Those who feel that they healthily deserve are whole and solid on the inside already. They are not suffering from the emptiness, neediness and desperation that leads to the non-holistic, non-ecological system of wanting attention and stuff.
Narcissists are in dire lack on the inside. They feel empty. They don’t feel they deserve the good stuff simply for being themselves, because there is no real self on the inside. The narcissist divorced their Inner Being believing that it was ineffectual, inadequate and unacceptable.
As a result of living through the persona of a fictitious False Self, the narcissist must lie, manipulate, intimidate, charm or steal to get their share of the goodies.
The real truth to all of this is that it doesn’t matter what a narcissist gains, the temporary relief is short-lived. Sooner rather than later, the narcissist is back to feeling the inner empty gnawing of his or her internal self-critic, which is a wasteland of a crippled and disowned True Self.
This is why the narcissist is always trying to get or gain something to try to self-medicate away these feelings.
How Narcissists Get Away With It
It is unlikely that the narcissist initially acted entitled, because you may never have teamed up with him or her if this happened. Rather, the narcissist may have appeared to be incredibly giving, caring and generous.
After a narcissist has secured you as a source of narcissistic supply, they are incredibly skilled at testing your boundaries bit by bit. He or she may make a request seeing if you will go along with it, or not. If you do speak up, he or she may say that they were joking, or didn’t mean it, and wait for another opportunity to see if they can push your boundary and get through it.
For many of us, this wasn’t too hard to do.
Maybe we were brought up in families where our boundaries were broken down from the time we were very young.
We were used to saying “yes” and going along in order not to risk the feelings of C. R. A. P. – criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment, and we were used to handing our power away to people to try to keep them happy enough to love and care for us.
Therefore, in our adult relationships it can be very familiar to try to keep the peace, at the cost of our rights, values and needs.
If the narcissist in your life is a family member, then it is likely that this has always been your “normal”. You are used to acquiescing to the people who you want to love you because it’s all you’ve ever known.
Yet, familiar or not, it is intensely painful being with a person who is in it all for themselves, and completely and utterly capable of taking all that they can at your expense, as well as your Life Force and Soul.
Of course, there have been times where you have tried to say “no” and received the horrific reactions that narcissists are prone to when their False Self isn’t adequately appeased.
Disagreeing with the narcissistic version of life which is total entitlement to your agreement without question, can send the narcissist into a spin where he or she lashes out in cruel and conscienceless ways.
The narcissist may have asked for money or something else that completely goes against your grain, yet the fear of the repercussions, or the losing of this person, because he or she has threatened abandonment if you don’t comply, has made you hand over many parts of yourself to your detriment.
Possibly, the narcissist feels entitled to control you and own you. He or she may be accusing you of all sorts of terrible things that they purport are disloyal to him or her. He or she may even feel entitled to your passwords, putting tracking devices on your car or phone, or demanding that you give a full report every day of who you spoke to and spent time with.
He or she may even convince you that if you love them and care about them that you will comply with these demands.
Until you know that this sort of pathological jealousy is not ever acceptable, or something that can be appeased, reasoned with or healed in a narcissist, you may hang on trying to do just that.
Quite possibly, the narcissist is practicing exactly these acts of infidelity and affairs themself, which commonly narcissists feel entitled to indulge in, and yet lying to you or purporting to give it up and do the right thing.
Maybe he or she is even feigning remorse, or twisting things around blaming you for it all, and now you are trying to get the narcissist to see how insane this is. Or maybe you are taking responsibility for the narcissist’s betrayals.
All of these things will allow the narcissist to continue doing what he or she is doing, possibly whilst you are believing this behaviour can stop.
The Signs That You Are With An Entitled Narcissist
The following are signs that you are being abused by an entitled person:
- You start to feel guilty, wrong or criticised for having your own needs and interests.
- You get less and less support from this person.
- You feel like you are walking on broken glass and that what you do is never good enough.
- If you ask for anything from this person, they become aggravated, angry or anxious and/or won’t deliver these promises or do things for you in a timely or proper manner.
- Anything this person does do for you is held against you as an example or a punishment regarding what you don’t do for them.
- Your energy, health, resources and Life Force are diminishing.
- Your needs are invalidated and unmet.
- You are supposed to hear out and understand everything about how this person isn’t happy yet are totally unable to voice your own concerns.
- If this person is having a bad day, they make sure that your day is equally as bad or even worse.
- You are accused of all the things that the narcissist’s entitlement causes him or her to do.
The Devastation of Entitlement
Narcissistic entitlement is only the beginning of the pathological issues that are happening here.
It’s devastating that incredibly malicious and even criminal acts of entitlement can be twisted around, and that you are the one smeared and discredited with them.
Narcissistic double standards are another part of the narcissist’s entitlement.
Such as I can be late or unreliable but how dare anyone else treat me like that.
Or, I can talk to you however I feel, but don’t you dare talk to me like that.
One of the most perverse and dangerous aspects of narcissism is that he or she will feel entitled to hurt you if the fragile ego is not served by you adequately. As far as the narcissist’s disordered thinking goes, if you did not do the right thing by them, then you must suffer. Revenge is a very common by-product of narcissistic abuse.
This bends people’s non-narcissistic brains – until they realise that there is not a real, rational person inside the narcissist doing this stuff.
So, this I can’t recommend enough, if you are painfully being emptied out by a narcissist’s entitlement – let go, turn inwards and heal up those parts of you that have been familiar with this, and/or are unconsciously susceptible to this.
Then I promise you that you will go free into healthy equal relationships of true mutuality and respect as well as genuine love.
That’s exactly what I did, I healed my stuff with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which so many people in this Community have also done.
If you are at the stage where you want to directly and deeply reprogram your subconscious and heal from narcissistic relationships for real, NARP is a proven and powerful way to achieve this.
You can check out this revolutionary program by clicking this link.
Okay, I really hope that this video has helped, and please remember to give it a like if it spoke to you.
And, please make sure that you have subscribed to my channel to receive notifications of all of my new episodes. I release two new ones every week.
And, as always, I look forward to your comments and your questions below.
Thank you.
I have lived with a narcissist for 27 years. And your video breaks my heart. I want to believe he will change, but everything you have taught here is him. Things get good for a couple of days, sometimes a few weeks, then all hell breaks lose. It is funny cause he can make me feel like a million dollars one moment, then like a old rusted no good for nothing, worthless scum. And he is the only one to be able to do this. I know I need to get away, but, I m still here. I also know that when I do leabe, I ‘ll have to go far away from him. A NEW LIFE. So, is there a smidgen of a chance he will change?
NO. You either have to leave, or accept that this is your life and just live with it. The choice is yours. Hard lesson but I know it firsthand.
Hi Readi,
It’s my pleasure.
I am so sorry that you were going through this. This resource may help you understand what would be necessary for him to change https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/can-a-narcissist-be-cured/
Readi I’d like to encourage you to sign up for my free course, which will help support you through this difficult time, http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
Sending you love, healing and strength
Mel 🙏💕💛
Not one bit……. You need to do the healing work with a Narp so you change, become self empowered enough to do what’s good for you.
readi, i believe you have to leave also. I hung in for last 5 years of 30. I was the only one i realised trying to change things and make our relationship work. All the while it was dragging me down and things just ended up getting worse. And the lack of remorse i got when said I was leaving was pretty heartbreaking. wishing you the best in whatever decision you make.
He will not change.
I lived (and was married to) a Narc for nearly 40 years. Some of the abuses were horrendous and I blocked out my feelings for it. But it started out very benign. He had a rough childhood, that much was true. But it should have been a warning for me. But instead I tried to undo all the hurt from his past, and that is something you cannot do. He kept pushing a little at a time, just enough (now in hindsight I see it) to see if I would give in.
Sadly, the sex was so good that I thought surely we must be compatible. And I know for a fact that with others he was awful. So further proof to me that these things didn’t matter.
Fast forward to me looking forward to a nice retirement with him. Me at 60 and he at 67. Then I find out that he has been having an affair with someone 22 years younger than himself. I tried counseling with him. Behind my back he took the GF. I tried everything I knew to make it work.
Eventually I got to the point where he would blatantly go out with her and not even try to hide it anymore. He had been having this affair for 5 years before I even found out.
Eventually I made him move out thinking it would shock him enough, and it did at first. But the GF swooped in and then they trauma bonded. The whole thing got really ugly and he ended up divorcing me to marry her.
Funny tho she didn’t want to leave her husband and two kids! So he ended up spending all our retirement on this waste of space. He has to pay me support but don’t know how much longer that will last. So now I am 73 he is 80 and my life has been hell because I thought he would change.
I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH — HE WILL NOT CHANGE. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.
THis is my story too. I am 73. The Narc is 76. I still live with him. Bought a huge house. Live my day as I see fit. Do not feed into the crap. Never believe his nasty snarky remarks. I have learned to enjoy life in spite of this mental illness. By not responding to the crap. I am not challenged as mush. I do not respond to the unhealthy behavior I let Him own it
Amen. Would have been better if I learned to leave and let go years ago
Rgds. Carol
I’ve been through the same thing for 18 years I couldn’t even have a girlfriend of course because she took up some of my attention to the point where this year he basically had a mental breakdown through threatening to kill himself because I was out with a friend and I refused to come home he then proceeded to threaten the whole family so the police and cat team were called and he was in hospital for a week however after coming out 3 months nearly I have not let him come back into my life however I have tried to do everything to be amicable helping him move house as we have two children together and getting text messages of how awesome I am and what great friendship we will have a very short lived in between abusing me texting me saying disgusting vile things that I have never done all through the phone so in a sense he is not in the house but he’s still doing the same thing to me I will not let him break me today I need to change my phone number with every message I just cannot believe I gave this man 18 years of my life he is definitely from a broken childhood and the things that happened to him was shocking but he will never be happy and it’s not my job to make him happy and it breaks my heart every day all I can do is try and shut him down with children involved in this so difficult I just received marriages of insulting messages then it twists to being nice again and then back to terrible messages feel like I’m dealing with two completely different people. Now he threatens to kill himself but he keeps telling me that because he knows it upsets me and that he will ruin his children’s lives he does not seek help he does not want to help he’s an alcoholic hold down a job very well and he’s very held high in his field but soon as works over the demands if I don’t answer his text straight away puts me on edge straight away here so hard even when I am not living with him. The funny thing is all this time over the years the accusations I never did anything I’m not the person he says I am none of this ever needed to happen yet it is all my fault. Because of this he has basically just created his own reality and then turns on me to say yes I am a worthless piece of shit I told you so. Everything I read every article I read is exactly him it’s very sad I know what’s happening when it’s happening I know exactly what he’s doing to me . Today I am finally going to change my phone number after 15 minutes because I just cannot take it any more I really hope he does not start on the children and they have their own phones he has not involve them to this point but I need to completely disconnect yet I still feel the need to gauge what’s going on with him for my own safety that is a very fine line and so exhausting 😓😓
It was the apartment close to the beach, the house in Queensland, the boat, the caravan, you have to pay all the bills and, oh yes, you have to provide for all of my needs in retirement! Ah entitlement!
Tiggy is such a narcissist. Haha. He wants all of the attention. Lol. Sorry Tiggy, much love.
This is a very rare event for me to watch one of your videos on narcissistic abuse. I do appreciate your descriptions of narcissistic abuse, they are spot on. I am amazed at how closely I relate to experiencing these scenarios in the past. I admit that I have to force myself to watch these videos, even though they are very informative. It’s so difficult to face and admit this. No offense. I feel my skin crawling because I think about the scenarios. It is so difficult as a man to admit that I allowed this from my ex-wife. And to face these experiences from my childhood. Although I do feel my skin crawling, I feel so grateful that I am no longer experiencing that in my life. I know these videos do serve a purpose, and I support that one hundred percent. If I didn’t have the recovery tools of QFH/NARP I would truly be lost. As difficult as it was to watch this video it has helped me immensely to face this and let go of so much denial around this. Thank you so much. I know what to do next. 🙂
Haha Michael,
he is such a sweetheart… I adore my boy!
As you know Michael, you can so clear all those feelings that are arising with NARP, and then truly it will be watching these videos as if it happened to somebody else.
Triggering is the incredible gift to know that we can be released even further into our True Self and ultimate life!
It’s awesome that You are going to face it and let it go and that you know what to do next.
Love, expansion and power to you Michael
Mel 🙏💕💛
READI….I was in it for 28 years. No they do not change AT ALL. If anything changes they get better and better at abuse and like a drug addict they need more and more of supply from you. Its a never ending cycle. Gather yourself, your clothes and as much money as possible. Take your name off of any bank accounts and put one foot in front the other and run….Run fast, don’t look back and tell NO ONE. Don’t use credit cards use cash! Before you leave write your loved ones letters and put them in the mail bf you leave town. You do not want to be traceable. Heal yourself so you can become strong, independent, and can think straight. Get yourself back and enjoy your life again.
Hope this helps!
This sounds like my ex wife whom I was married to for 30 years- always late for everything but demanded everybody else must be on time. Several years after divorce, i fell into an intense affair with a woman which lasted for nearly 2 years. I believe she was suffering from Borderline personality disorder.The break up with her was terribly painful and I was so broken down that I moved back in with my ex wife(as friends). I returned several times to my girl friend but the trust was gone and I could not stay with her. I have finally realized that the romantic relationship was NOT meant to be the love of my life, and I understand the fear of abandonment in her was stronger than her love for me.-but crazily I still miss her.I seem to have spent my whole life in phony relationships with these two women- and now at age 68 and after a small stroke, I lead a quiet existence with no real thoughts of finding real love- but reasonably content and good relationships with my 3 children and a couple of good long-time friends.The 3 years after my break up with the borderline were the most unhappy times of my life- but I am over the worst, and I can thank you, Melanie, for helping me through it all.
Hi Charles,
I’m so pleased that you are over the worst and I am wishing you a wonderful and full recovery of yourself.
Charles, you are so young, there is plenty of life, joy and expansion still for you!
I’d love you to check out my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to find out how you can get a catapult with your healing.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I think this list of narcissistic behavior flags is the most useful one yet for those who are confused about their loved one’s unloving behavior. Had I seen such a straightforward list, it would have saved me those wasted decades with my Narkies. Perhaps you should consider making the list a more prominent part of your materials,
Hi Sara,
thank you for your feedback and I’m so pleased that this list helps.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
My sister-in-law wanted me out of the picture from the very beginning. She sent me an email telling me that I had taken her brother away Then she began saying things about me to my husband’s parents and suddenly, I was on the outside. She wanted my husband to bring the kids for a visit (1200 miles away) without me, telling us, if we had a healthy relationship, we would do this. When my husband’s mom died, I was not invited to come because his sister said I would make the funeral all about me.. Before their dad died, she made sure the entire estate was given to her. She told her brother that the reason why he didn’t get his inheritance was because of me. She went to school and worked to obtain a title of Nurse practitioner, while I did some writing online, home schooled my son during high school and worked around my community . She felt that she was more deserving because she worked harder than I did. The inheritance was between my husband and his sister , not me.. I feel so bad for my husband who was written out of the will because of her greed and the fact that she felt more deserving.
Wholly smokes does this hit home hard. My heart is heavy and sad to think of experiencing this over and over for 34 years.
THANKFULLY I’m a NARP member now and working on getting myself healed to move on. This video reinforces what I know deep down, while he keeps trying to hoover me. I just need to stay steadfast until I can move away.
Thank you Mel from the bottom of my heart for you and your approach. You feel like a sister guiding me along… good talks, good tears, good laughs! xo
Much love to ya!
Hi Phoenix,
I’m so thrilled that you are a NARP member now and can let go of all the trauma of this.
You are so welcome Phoenix, and I love that you feel like a sister. We are all in this together sweetheart.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I was with a narcissist for 8 years and had no idea until I found out last Feb that my he had been lying and cheating on me for a year. We briefly got back together in March and were looking at wedding venues and planning on buying a new house. Then in May I found him with the same girl at his apartment. He said that she brings him happiness. Without your program Melanie I’m not sure I would have found the strength to go on. I truly didn’t want to be here anymore since this has happened in every one of my past relationships and I was just done. The narc still continues to contact me and tell me that everything was my fault and that he hopes i can heal and have an amazing relationship with someone like he does and that he is very happy. He also tells me that I need to sell the house and give him half of everything because if we would have been married I would have had to. The only reason his name wasn’t on the house is because of his horrible credit. He spends money frivolously and changes jobs every year or two. The signs and red flags were all there and I blew right through every last one of them.
Hi Kathy,
I’m so pleased that NARP has helped you to let go of him and move on.
Sending you continued healing and power to be able to get him fully out of your life and be completely free.
Much love to you Kathy
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie – he was very angry when I wouldn’t sell the house but then this week sent a very loving message that said I will always have a special place in his heart and that it makes him sad because we would still be together if I would have only been able to love him the way I should have. He says I couldn’t because of my past issues with my mom and other relationships. I took that all to heart and started crying and then realized that he had done it again! Turned it all around so that it was all my fault and he is the one that cheated! If he wasn’t a narcissist he would have stayed and worked it out not left our relationship to find someone else. But scary how it worked for a little while. That’s what the NARP program has done for me – made me be able to think logically about what he is doing and not take all the blame to heart.
Hi Kathy,
Oh gosh yes this is exactly what happens!
I’m so thrilled that you have NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans/narp to keep healing and gaining powerful clarity in amongst all of this nonsense!
Stay strong, keep healing, and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie, thanks again for your insight. I wish your amazing work could help transform what’s going on in the US with our totally narcissistic president. Today’s post nails his behavior; it’s so disturbing to witness our democracy faltering under his behavior. We need your help!
You are so welcome Joni,
and sending you and your country much love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💛
I was raised by a Narc mother, had 1/2 a dozen kiddos with a Narc man and also have a Narc guy BFF (of 12 years). Each Narc ALL SAME as well as unique. As far as ENTITLEMENT? ha! spot on! ALL 3 fit the bill😲😬🙌 On the first 2 Narcs, hardly do i ever hear/see from them…yet on the 3rd one- whoa! resides in same building- difficult to control situations at times. I praise GoD for every opportunity i have in improving myself. And, one of the ways, is through here- with Miss Melanie Tonia Evans. Thank YoU, Miss Melanie.
You are so welcome Marybel,
Much love and many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I was almost ‘sold’, and hopeful this site would be of help. But am now suddenly feeling hopeless. No one is perfect but to even respond to a political comment like that is so very (I don’t even have calm or kind words to say).. Did you know that the previous president referred to ‘himself’ over 40 times in his final speech as president? In the most recent State of the Union address our current president referred to himself 3 (three) times! Let’s rethink which was the Narcissistic president!..!..! Mb must not know what a narc is. Sad #fakenews
I wish for you and yours much success and a rewarding life. But am once again back to my own (on my own) twisted path out of my situation.
For most of the years we were together, my partner employed discard with his mother over and over, told us all to block her book-length texts and threw out the long letters she left for him. He even called the police to escort her home. She was made crazy by this behavior and I guess I was a willing partner (along with our kids) to this cruel abuse to his mother (not realizing incredibly) what he was really up to, until tables turned. He had became terminally ill last spring and through events in the fall, had somehow oddly reconnected with his mom. I suppose at that point in her abuse she would do whatever he wanted to get him and now she has him back (and what a sad time to be with a son who is dying ). Holy crappy this discard hurts like hell….because suddenly, without warning, he made me out to be this abuser after we had conflict, convinced our good friends that he needed to “live with his mom with the friends attending to him for end of life details”. It is the most incredible thing I have ever been through, complicated by his medical condition. His mother is full of rage?? towards me (along with the flying monkeys) and have completely prevented me and the kids from seeing him to even say goodbye. Their narrative is that I am this horrible person who abused this sick person that I loved for the last 7 years. And “how could I” outrage etc etc…I really had to go through soul searching on that accusation as it made me so confused ( there was so much rage ) I really feel I have been scapegoated and discarded. He has completely forgotten me and cut me out, doesn’t even want to talk to me, he has his monkeys write me mean letters… Melanie, I’m so glad to have found this program of yours to help me with my trauma work. I had been trying to “think and learn” my way out of my emotional pain for months, it was not working.
I’ve just begun the Module 1 work, already it has been incredibly helpful to give me 2 peaceful days away from the obsessive thoughts of shame and guilt etc..
The No Contact with ANY family members has been so helpful to me for self care.
From the outside this looks like maybe caused by the illness, but I have been putting the pieces together that it is my trauma that connected me to a man who would be capable of this kind of cruelty. It is a sad (and unique) situation, I’m so grateful that these awesome tools even can help me in my healing journey.
Hi Shelley,
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. This is an incredibly painful situation, I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible this has felt for you.
Thank goodness that you’ve been able to start NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp because it is so effective in getting the most horrendous trauma up and out so that you can be free of it.
Sending you continued healing and release on this difficult journey.
Much love to you Shelley and please know that we are all here for you.
Mel 🙏💕💛
That list is bang on. Can you make it available on its own for sharing?
Hi Emma,
that’s a great suggestion. It is quite possible that we will!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hello Mel. It’s been 5 years free from Narcissistic Lying and Manipulation from a fake christian wife and her blaming denial mother who claimed to be christian, but they are really not since they dont confess, admit or repent. Nevertheless, i’m not sure if i’ll get married again if there is someone who is 100% accountable. Her 2nd husband, at anytime, and i guarantee, He’ll be victimized, tricked and be used, like she did to me.
Hi Evan, yes i too was tricked by a professing Christian Worship Singer, hugging people and making them cups of tea and fussing over them, it all looked real, but she was unfaithful multiple times in our short, ( Praise God ) Marriage. Yes her mother too turned on me and my Family for no reason, my advice, Do the NARP program, continue to walk in love and forgiveness, and God will Bless you in every area of your life, Physically Spiritually Emotionally Socially and Financially beyond anything you could ever imagine, Blessings Col.
Dear Melanie,
In this area, Entitlement, the problem is that at CORE, in Truth , WE ARE ALL ENTITLED TO BE RECOGNIZED AS DIVINE BEINGS. So while we call out the misuse of our innate glory, we do not forfeit it for anyone by putting them down at core.
Narcs demand this worship of other people without reflecting back the same recognition.
Because we are created, issued, eminated, origined, SOURCED by Divinity,. WE ARE DIVINE SPIRITUAL BEINGS MADE OUT OF LOVE ITSELF. There is a hunger therefore to be satisfied by Love on earth. It is the very purpose for life at all.
So the human yearning to manifest this core identity and live it out is primal. And the need to be recognized as a Being of Love is as well.
However, it is in GIVING that we receive. Just as we stand in front of a mirror and it gives back to us or own reflection. We give this recognition and it is reflected back to us in healthy relationships.
The Narcissist NEVER returns recognition only demands it from others. Others shower them with light and they’re appeased. Then they go get more from more people.
I feel we have to acknowledge that humans need this mutual honoring of their DIVINE nature while we refuse to be DIS-honored by anyone.
When we all bow to the DIVINE and
Perfect in one another and we do not bow to abuse, there is Core strength.
The first excludes and precludes the second.
Namaste.
Hi Iris,
it is so true, I believe, that unless wecan flow in with and be nourished by the recognition by divinity, then there is the emptiness of always seeking love from outside Self
N’s are so cut off from the connection to their Higher Power, that there is that neediness and hunger and the insatiable desire for supply to try to feel whole.
I so agree with you that the only way to seek and receive love is to be it, and to grant it from a place of wholeness.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
So timely Mel, i hang out for every one of your posts, What! get a job, like stacking shelves in a supermarket or something my ex Nark said to her Previous Supply ,but iv’e never had to work before, well welcome to the Real World honey lol, you do whatever it takes to pay the bills, and even when you try and add it up, you can never work out how they let So much money slip through their fingers.
Readi.. The leaving is hard but the punishment from the wider society was biggest shock I got for DARING to leave my narc. In many ways its still the 1900’s for women. Female lawyers on his side argued something was wrong with me for NOT sucking it up like ‘normal’ people do, from male lawyers either side (before I fired mine) here’s another woman dumping on a poor bro. If the judge could have thrown me in jail he would have done such was his rage, and my violent ex weeping in court like bambi telling everyone he still loved me.
The message was clear; you picked him, you live with him forever, how dare you want out, & we’ll hurt you through the kids for demanding more for yourself. I understood – and refused – his 100’s of attempts to suck me back in.. but society’s attitude….What was that about? Mel I hope you’ll do a session on this subject because leaving Narc’s is not just private its also a public act.
4 years to your 27 felt like a 100. Even with the retribution for fighting for a better “emotional life” I am deeply glad I “self-partnered” to use Mel’s words. None of us change so your hubby won’t either, so you must change for you. But gird your loins gladiator style if you do leave because the attacks won’t only come from him.
30 years invested, so much destruction! All you said is so true! Felt so deceived and so betrayed but working on healing myself and my inner child. I will never truly be able to understand this and how profoundly cruel this behavior is, especially from someone you love and thought loved you! I don’t know if a part of me will ever fully recover.
Hi Cynthia,
Dear Lady have you been in one of my free webinars yet http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar ?
I’d like to show you how absolutely you truly can recover from this, just as myself and so many others have, even against all odds.
And if you are already a NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp member, then please come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help support you with your healing.
Sending you love and Strength
Mel 🙏💕💛
31 years for me, too. I could have written your comment, Cynthia, exactly. Divorced less than 5 months and so glad to be free of the craziness.
Happy to be on my own at age 70. Time to be happy and live!
Hi Melainie,
I feel like Cynthia, 30 years together. I know NARP is helping me and I feel as though I’ve had break throughs in many ways. However I still have feelings of hurt and true anger. I was a stay at home mom after my daughter was born (she’s 24 now). He never wanted me to work. We met at 16 and were together ever since. We moved to Arizona and he started a home building business. We put all of our money in it. The company eventually took off and we made a nice living. When he walked out (I was 49, I’m 53 now) and as all of us know, my life changed.
I see hear about how “great” his life is. Engaged after knowing a gal for 10 months. (and one of many that have been the true love of his life since he left) Takes trips and spends a lot of money. I, on the other hand, have a job and go to college to earn a degree. (I never went to college). I am disgusted at how a judge or court system can say “that’s plenty of money for a single women” (talking about the spousal support). I ended up with less than a quarter of what he brings in a month. So just because I was a stay at home mom (it was a decision made by the both of us). . .he lives great and I worry about money. I know that eventually I’ll be ok, but how can this be right???? As time has gone on, I get more upset about the fact that even though I didn’t “bring home” the money. It didn’t matter. I work hard and he lives the good life. So after losing the trust, being shocked, learning the truth about who he really is, what was my role is all of this. . .this is what all that love got me. Sometimes its hard to not think about it.
Anyway. . .I’ll keep NARPing, praying and believing in myself.
Thank you Melanie (and Tiggy) for all you do. I would be lost without you and everyone else in this community.
Hi Conne,
Please know Sweetheart that it truly is about keeping going and digging down into those feelings of hurt and anger and releasing them and up levelling them with your NARP modules. Truly you will be able to break free if you keep doing the work.
And, if you are a gold NARP member, then please come into the NARP member’s forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help support you with getting that particular inner work done.
You deserve to be free of that pain!
Please know hun you will get there. We are all holding the space for your healing.
Thank you for your love to myself and Tiggy, and we send so much back to you!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Entitlement for sure and with alluring command over others who give him full attention, even when he overrode what I was discussing in a group by bringing up another topic altogether. He once mentioned to me our relationship was competitive, which I found interesting . . . However, knowing about narcissism now, I need not analyze (though I did at the time he said it) what he meant because now I know everything he said and did came from the need to keep living in his false self. Therefore, everything he said was meaningless.
While knowing these facts about the narcissist helps me to heal, I feel sad that he will never have an authentic relationship with our four children who each want a meaningful relationship with him as their father.
Hi Theresa,
I’m so pleased that the clarity of helping you heal, and I so really believe, in regard to our children, that the most important thing is that they have a powerfully authentic relationship with themselves.
And as the healthy parent you can 100% lead the way with that.
Much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💛
Great post Mel..
Lining up in the supermarket recently, with another customer behind me also waiting patiently for service.. the teller became free, & at the last minute another lady zoomed past us both without a word or glance, & jumped the que entirely.. the teller looked at us apologetically, & I almost laughed out loud! 😂
I am becoming more & more healed each day thanks to Narp.
So so grateful for the freedom I feel.. Xo
Ps Tiggy looks happy, & gave me a little giggle 😆 I had a little pirate pooch yrs ago, bless him actually added to his cheeky character.
Hi Wendy,
I’m so happy that you are becoming more and more free as a result of NARP!
That’s brilliant!
Tiggy really is so much happier now Wendy, and is being incredibly cheeky!
So much love to you Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💛
Do group dynamics sometimes lend themselves to group narcissism? I would love to hear more about group dynamics.
Hi Megan,
I’m not sure in what context your question is.
Most definitely there can be groups that are led by narcissists, causing the indoctrination of people for the narcissists bidding.
This may be a topic that I consider covering in the future!
Blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Great blog post! The entitlement never ends. For a long time I thought I was in a rare situation dealing with this guy. I recently touched base with an old friend from years ago. Her ex was a carbon copy of my Narc. After their divorce was finalized he wouldn’t move out of the house. It never was his house to begin with. She had bought it before the marriage and kept it in her name. It cost her many, many months and thousands of dollars in legal fees to finally get him out of the house. His own kids – who were young adults – told him to get the h#@l out of the house. Once he finally left he hooked up with another woman immediately and moved in with her. After a few months his mask dropped and he is once again just sitting around the house drinking beer and doing nothing.
Hi Melanie, thank you again for writing such a great article, explaining this aspect of narcissistic abuse. It’s one part of my relationship of 18 years with my ex narc, that I’m now really struggling with. It’s just that realisation of how someone you loved could have been taking such an advantage, taking everything good you had, without remorse or guilt! I was an overly generous and giving person when I met my ex narc, now I feel all shriveled and used up. Will I ever regain that old part of me again? I just feel depleted and empty.
I continue to do your NARP program because I truly believe it’s the one thing that can heal me and allow me to move forward, and one day, thrive 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Hi Sharon hun,
Yes I promise you Dear Lady you will … with empowered and healthy boundaries where you will never be used up and taken advantage of again
Are you a Gold NARP member so that we can help support and guide you in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?
This can help you so much!
If you are not a gold NARP member then you can email [email protected] to get connected.
I hope this helps and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I live abroad for 30 years now, and when our first child was 6 months old, my parents visited us for the first time. After constantly complaining that I spent too much time with my daughter and spoiled her by giving her too much attention, my mother eventually got so angry that she locked herself in her bedroom for the majority of the visit, and refused to interact with us. I remember that she did not hold her grandchild even once. After she had returned home she told friends and family that she had been treated awfully by us. My parents never returned for another visit, even after their second grandchild was born. This happened 23 years ago! Instead my parents insisted that we would travel to see them every year. Crazy!
Hi Cynthia,
Your words are my words exactly, it’s short and so powerful – you are not alone, I truly understand I was about 35 years invested too, and feeling exactly the same way also. I understand how their cruelness of their behaviour is so incomprehensible to us when we have given them our all. We will recover, I hope you are doing well. I am doing NARP and healing myself and my inner child as well.
Hello & thank you for this video – I can def recognize some of the behaviors discussed in this video that are things my husband does but the thing that bothers me are some of the things I also find myslf doing and it really bothers me and often times makes me all myslf whether I’m a narcissist as well- I have a hard time wanting to do the healing work and let go of believing he will change and accepting my helplessness and trying to control him into seeing how much I’m hurt & would like him to just understand what I’d love to have with him ect. The way I react makes me believe or wonder if I’m also narcissist
Hi Suzanne,
if you google my name plus “Am I the Narcissist?” I hope that my information can help clarify this for you.
Also if you are working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and are a Gold member, I can’t recommend enough reaching out for support and guidance in the NARP Member’s Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/mamber – it will be invaluable for you to help you break through.
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💞🦋