Melanie Tonia Evans

7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 45
65
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Many people in this community have been narcissistically abused as a child and my heart goes out to you if this has been your plight.

Today, I share with you the seven top signs I believe typify a narcissistic parent and how their behaviour can affect you as an adult.

The binds and trauma may still be present between you and your narcissistic parent – whether he or she is alive or not, and so it is my deepest wish that this video gives you answers, relief and a true solution to your pain.

 

 

Video Transcript

Maybe you do not realise that your parent was a narcissist because what you experienced as a child was your ‘normal.’

Or perhaps you do know.

Truly, it can be terribly devastating for those who did suffer a narcissistic parent, and my heart goes out to you if that is you.

In today’s TTV Episode I want to share with you the seven signs that I believe are indicators your parent is a narcissist – what these signs look like and how having a narcissistic parent may have affected you.

At the end of this episode, I also want to share with you hope … A knowing that even if abuse is all that you have ever known, you can heal from this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s look at this…

 

Number 1 Invalidation

Sadly, a narcissistic parent is self-absorbed and only interested in their own thoughts and feeling. It is common for this parent to not listen to you, not care what you are feeling, and to either force their will upon you or ignore your appeals to them, regardless of what is going on for you.

Because of this, you grew up believing that your thoughts, feelings, and desires were unimportant and, if expressed, would only bring further invalidation and disappointment.

This means, as an adult, you will tend to fit in with others, submerge your own needs, and you won’t speak up to express either your own needs or your values.

Maybe you have found it extremely difficult to even know what your values and needs are.

 

Number 2 Instability

Narcissistic instability means that one minute your parent could be engulfing and fawning over you and the next they are triggered, angered and even verbally or physically violent – and certainly emotionally malicious.

As a child, you may not have known what this parent was going to be like on a day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute basis.

Because there was be no rhyme or reason to your parent’s behaviour, and therefore nothing you could have done to predict or negate the outburst, as a child you learnt that ‘love’ was unstable and even dangerous.

If this is what you experienced, it is likely that you have suffered the anxiety of not knowing how to be safe in life in your own body, and especially with people who are close to you.

This means you might try to read people’s energy to be safe, and try to please them and calm them down to survive.

It can also mean you run towards abusive people, trying to fix them to make them love you and look after you, rather than detaching yourself and getting away from them.

As a child, you had to do all you could to keep your parents around and to survive with them.

 

Number 3 Exploitation

Commonly, a narcissistic parent will use a capable or attractive child to further their own cause of gaining narcissistic supply.

Rather than wanting their children to succeed for the child’s sake, this parent makes it all about themselves – the fulfilment of their own ego, complete with the admiration and envy of others.

Often a child will be pushed into a direction, with high demands and pressure, that the child may not necessarily want to do or perform. This child is the golden child, who receives a ton of attention and energy, yet is being exploited for the narcissist’s own need to feel significant.

This child loses his or her personality, dreams and wishes, and becomes a mere extension of the narcissistic parent. And when he or she doesn’t perform that role, is punished or downgraded.

If this happened to you, you will have embedded within your Inner Being programs of conditional love. This means that you will be very hard on yourself. Also, you may find it very hard to relax and take time out, because you are always trying to get the job done and done right.

You may believe that people will only ever love you for what you can achieve, and not for who you are.

 

Number 4 Manipulation

Guilting is a very common weapon used by a narcissistic parent. This parent may remind you constantly of what they do for you and how ungrateful you are if you don’t abide by their demands.

The guilting can turn into abusive shaming, if this parent has set upon you as the scapegoat – meaning blaming you for the state that parent is in or the way the family is.

Maybe you were compared to a sibling, and insulted regarding how you didn’t measure up to him or her.

This will cause the adult you to be susceptible to being blamed for other’s problems, which they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. You may also find yourself taking the blame, feeling shameful and guilty, and trying to fix things that are not your fault.

 

Number 5 Neglect

The neglect of a narcissistic parent can come in many different shapes and forms. Common are the ignoring of the needs of their children – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

When it is all about the narcissistic parent, then others are unimportant. It’s narcissistic selfishness and self-absorption. A narcissist’s primary driver is narcissistic supply, which means getting attention and acclaim from others.

It is very common, whilst the parent is seeking supply through career, socialising, self-indulgence or pastimes, that the child will be left with the other parent or even, from a young age, on their own.

Also, many narcissists suffer from the secondary addiction (narcissistic supply being the first) of substance abuse. Addicts are unavailable parents. Narcissistic addicts are doubly so.

If this was your plight, then you learned from an early age that your life was up to you. You found it difficult to trust others and let them in. You may struggle to delegate, let people in or play team with others. You most likely hold the belief, ‘It’s always up to me. Others don’t support me.’

Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.

 

Number 6 Superficiality

The narcissistic parent may have a completely different persona in public to within the home.

People think the narcissistic parent is lovely and has a beautiful nature; that they love and adore their family. Little do they know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors when ‘others’ are not around.

Image, pretences and having others envy and think that the narcissist has the ‘perfect’ life, is all part of a False Self constructing a False Life.

If you experienced this as a child, you may be hard on yourself regarding how you appear to others and believe that people will only accept you if you are ‘perfect’.

You will have gone through the devastation of being treated like an object, so as to present a perfect image, rather than as a blood, flesh and soul human being with feelings.

You may get into relationships with people who objectify you, and you may even do this to yourself (rather than connect to your own true feelings and needs).

 

Number 7 Control

If a child wants to express their individuality and seems to be breaking away from the family mould, then there are methods that a narcissistic parent may use to exert control.

One of them is demeaning the child’s worth, dreams and wishes, to stop him or her succeeding in breaking free. Another is to express jealousy and hostility with anything that the child wants to do away from the family. This can be directed at friends or this child’s love partner.

By keeping the child stuck and minimalised, the narcissist gets to boost his or her own insecure ego.

Another method of control can be to wrap the child up in duties and chores or a family business, or even family commitments, so that they can’t have a life of their own.

The guilting and demanding of service from a child can continue even when the narcissist is elderly, keeping the child bonded throughout their adult life.

If this has been your experience, it is likely that you feel obligated and tied to the burden of looking after others and don’t feel free enough to pursue your own dreams and goals. You may believe it is selfish to do so.

It is NOT true that You Can’t Heal!

If this video related to you, I so hope it has validated what you have been through.

I want you to know, with all of my heart, that it is NOT true that it will take decades (or a lifetime) of therapy to recover from the terrible traumas you suffered as a child.

Likewise, it is NOT true that it will take years and years for you to learn how to BE different in relationships, or for you to have healthy, reciprocal relationships of kindness, love and trust, where you can get your needs met (as well as keep healthily loving others)!

It is also NOT true that you are stuck with a narcissistic parent and the hooks that they have in you for the rest of your life.

If this has been your struggle, please come with me and let me show you how you can break free in the fastest, most guilt-free and direct way you could ever know possible.

I promise you it IS possible, and today I can help you start by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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65 Thoughts on 7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic
  • stephencoleman95361@yahoo.com'
    Stephen
    September 19, 2019

    My mother #1 and #7.

    My father # 5.

  • jillarock@gmail.com'
    Jill Alexandra Rock
    September 19, 2019

    Thank you, Melanie. As a survivor of a Narc mother, if there’s anything I can do to help grow the Thriver Mission with you, I will most certainly provide. My evolution is still taking place of course, but I always hold space for you and your team and all of us who are blessed to have encountered you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Jill,

      thank you for your support sweetheart! And for submitting your Thriver Story recently.

      It inspired many people.

      Many continued blessings to you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    • freedomandpeace19@gmail.com'
      Nicki stone
      September 19, 2019

      Thankyou melanie
      As always, you were spot on. I was bought up by a narc mother and an unavailable codependent dad. I also had a narc grandmother.. Who, I now know, I was the favourite of.. This seemed like heaven to me as a child. And I narc aunty who I was very close to. I then married a narc and had a narc mother in law. So it is all I have ever known.
      One of the moderators said that I need to look at why I am still attracting these people….. But I am also drawn to them.. They are like putting on an old pair of slippers. I find it very overwhelming when I see what I was surrounded by as a child.
      I am no contact with alot of these people.. But how do I say I never ever want you in my life ever again.. Do I write a letter.. How do I go about it.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        September 19, 2019

        Hi Nicki,

        my suggestion would be to invite people in your life to meet you at a level of respect and truth that are your values. We can all have people in our life who we may be able to have modified or lower-level contact with, with parameters.

        If they disrespect your boundaries then absolutely to continue is abusing for you.

        I would love you to google my name + boundaries and read some of my resources on this topic so that you can know where the lines can lay and how to decide if someone needs to really leave your life, or how they may be able to step up – with your boundaries in place.

        I hope this can help.

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  • allyson6821@gmail.com'
    Allyson Smith
    September 19, 2019

    My mother turned narcissistic when I was 14. I escaped her demeaning ways by turning to nature for love and kindness. I started writing poetry. It helped me to release my emotions. The animals helped me to learn that a smile, kind word or even a hug can go a long way to help someone feel loved. She tried to weaken my spirit, but I learned to let her narcissistic ways roll off of my back like rain. She became a full blown malignant narcissist. I pity a narcissist. They are a lonely soul.

    • Daniela.helou@gmail.com'
      Daniela
      September 19, 2019

      Sorry for all you went through..I had my mother narcissist but I understood that in my lates 40, I always knew everything was wrong with her, just that narcissist can wash your brain..I was like a robot in my childhood; she controlled even my breathing..after many years struggling with partners that they were same as my mom.I emigrated to other country because the control from her made me angry with her all the time..long fights for nothing ..she never changed.
      Now she is very old, I cried a lot because I loved her with all my heart but she destroyed all inside me and any time I have to love it is fears ..hope someday heal ..my kids helped me a lot .
      Thanks to learn from you..I could save myself of my last partner..he was horrible being.

      Thanks

      • kathygenchi@comcast.net'
        Katherine
        September 20, 2019

        Hi Melanie!! Thankyou for all you do. It has definitely helped me. Im divorced 5 yrs and just now doing much better but still stuck.Omg that limbo period… I always want to go back to him which I did 2 times separated for 1 yr both times. 3 rd I forced myself to get divorced. I did. My story is sad annoying disgusting and i kept trying 35 yrs married my father was a Narcissist and I married one i need more help and I am getting closer…….Katherine

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          September 20, 2019

          Hi Katherine,

          you are welcome!

          Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar – this explains, in-depth, why you are still struggling (which please know is so normal) and how to break through so that you won’t. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

          Much love to you.

          Mel 🙏💕💛

        • am2boys@ymail.com'
          Ashley
          September 22, 2019

          Hi Melanie,

          I grew up with a narcissistic mother and always felt like something wasn’t right and that our family was different from other families. It wasn’t until I had went to counseling for problems in my marriage and learned I was married to a narcissist……that a few years later learned that my mother was a narcissist also. I always wanted to give my two sons more then what I had growing up & of course their dad being a selfish narcissist did not. He would say…..he didn’t have that growing up & so they don’t need it cuz look how good he turned out. So I filed for divorce about 3 years ago and I have primary placement. The boys are now teenagers and have been quite disrespectful & don’t seem to appreciate all the extra I have done & given them. So now when I read your number 4……..I feel that is me cuz I have been reminding them that if it was up to their dad…..they wouldn’t have a cell phone. I got them one 2 years ago & have to pay for it by myself cuz their dad refused. They get mad & talk back when I take it away for a few days or week as punishment for their behavior cuz it is the one thing they really like & are obsessed with. I am definitely a co-dependent and always put other people in front of myself. So I felt bad and if course take it very personal when I read that under #4. Am I being a narcissist for reminding them of all the extras I have given them? I have always worried & did not want to be like my mom. I felt I needed to reach out to you to help me with these concerns.

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            September 22, 2019

            Hi Ashley,

            Please know dear lady when we are wounded from abuse and unhealed it is very usual to feel what you are.

            And to also try to get needs met in ways that arent heard or effective.

            It doesn’t mean you are a narcissist, it means you need to heal.

            I too was so in your struggle with my son, for all the same reasons until I healed.

            I cant suggest enough coming in to my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to learn more about how you can.

            Mel 🙏💕💛

          • am2boys@ymail.com'
            Ashley
            September 23, 2019

            Thanks Melanie!

            So if I do the free webinar……that will help me heal my childhood trauma? Or do I need to enroll in the NARP program the silver or the gold package in order to heal and move forward in order to have healthy relationships? Not sure what the difference is. Thank you so much for your help with this! I am just so ready to be free from all the toxic relationships.

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            September 23, 2019

            Hi Ashley,

            it’s my pleasure.

            NARP is the key – more so NARP Gold because you have the Forum Community access (which is so supportive). The free webinar explains NARP.

            Because you are ready to heal, NARP is the path to http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

            Mel 🙏💕💛

  • kscsgv@icloud.com'
    Kathleen
    September 19, 2019

    So much of what you post applies to overt narcissists and it’s great. And the stuff on their motivations is really helpful and applies to both types. Thank you so much. But covert narcissists are even more damaging because nobody ever believes the victim. Especially if the narc is a respected professional, maybe in the helping professions. It would be great if you could address these.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Kathleen,

      I have done quite a few resources on covert narcissists, which you can find if you google my name + that topic.

      Please know, after having suffered an overt and more covert (altruistic) type, they are both equally as skilled at lying to others, duping and triangulation. Both had BIG followings and pulls in their respective professions (as well as cracks and issues).

      Narcissists to be at ALL effective are ALL ‘charming’.

      Narcissism is narcissism truly. And our healing from it whichever sub-variety is identical.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    • Seashell2309@gmail.com'
      Shelly
      September 19, 2019

      Thank you for this information. My dad is a narc and my mom his enabler along with my siblings. Thank goodness I live out of state from my family but honestly at times the distance doesn’t matter b/c my narc father’s reach is so insidious while he & my mom play the victims and send the flying monkeys after me saying that my parents are so worried about me b/c I don’t talk to them. While it is true that I’ve gone minimal contact b/c it is not good for my mental health; I don’t go out of my way to talk to them and when I do I go grey rock which has my family all railed up b/c I don’t say anything personal about myself b/c as this community knows it’s dangerous. I’ve been healing my traumas and have made huge strides but I’m still struggling. I do not trust my siblings or my parents are anyone associated with my family b/c my dad manipulates everyone into reporting back to him. This personality disorder makes me so angry and frustrated. My family makes me sick and it’s incredible how it’s from a distance that it affects me like this. Melanie will I ever be at peace?

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        September 19, 2019

        Hi Shelley,

        it’s my pleasure.

        Are you healing your traumas with NARP? I’d love to help you take this to a deeper cellular level if you aren’t.

        If you havent yet experienced a Quanta Freedom Healing, it is my highest suggestion that you come into my free webinar Shelley http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

        If your inner trauma isn’t released cellularly out of your body, then everything else leaves you trying to manage the trauma symptoms, without actually healing them, indefinitely. This could be the very reason why you are struggling. It is virtually impossible to heal from severe trauma logically, or with any form of cognitive therapy.

        If you are already working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp then please come into the NARP Forum so that we can truly help you shift and recover http://www.melanietoniaevams.com/member

        Then I assure you absolutely 100% you will get on the path to full recovery – quickly and directly.

        I hope this helps.

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  • michellevelas625@gmail.com'
    Michelle
    September 19, 2019

    My Dad is the Narcissistic parent and my Mom was the enabler…my childhood and adulthood was. Pure Hell .
    All you said in the video is true…Thank You for opening my eyes.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Michelle,

      you are very welcome and I hope this has helped.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • ngetek@aol.com'
    Nancy Getek
    September 19, 2019

    Oh. My. Gosh. Mel, did you know my mother? Each point was spot on and easy to apply to my childhood. I am so grateful I found you and the NARP program so I could FINALLY put that nightmare behind me and THRIVE! <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Awww Nancy,

      truly these points are so consistent with N parents!

      Hun, I am so happy for you that you have been able to heal with NARP!

      Bless you sweet soul sister.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • Annepem@me.com'
    Anne
    September 19, 2019

    Wow thank you for this. My mum was a narc and an alcoholic. I was the girl she never wanted and my brother the golden child. I only realised last year (im 63) that this also set me up for 37 years of marital narc abuse too. Mum passed 9 years ago and I left the marriage the same week. For 4 years i worked (had to of course) but fell exhausted on the settee every evening. It took 8 years of yoyoing to learn the truth and finally go NO CONTACT. I was the breadwinner, mum, dutiful wife soul healer etc etc because my own self worth was non existent. Now one year on I am able to feel nothing at his triangulation, gaslighting etc attempts, using my kids (now grown up) and my friends ( who thankfully get it) to fill his empty needs. I would say to anyone its never too late to walk. I lost everything i worked for but im happier than ive ever been. I built 3 businesses and a successful career within that relationship so its easier outside to rebuild. I learned through NSA how to love and value myself and now i can give (as i always did) to the world to enhance the collective consciousness. Melanie I love what you do. I could wish I learned from you earlier but that clearly wasnt my designated path. I have immense gratitude for a father who loved me unconditionally and a career that helped me to understand people and still maintain my love for the world and its people. <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Anne,

      You are very welcome.

      I am so thrilled you have broken through!

      Anne, it’s lovely to see you happy and shining – that is EVERYTHING. No matter how long it took to get there.

      Bless you!

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • abmstck@yahoo.dk'
    Anne
    September 19, 2019

    Hi Melanie
    Thank you very much for this as well as the previous videos about having narcissistic friends, energy vampires and how to trust ones gut. These were all very helpful for me.
    I would like to ask you, how does one know if ones parent is a narcissist, has a borderline personality disorder or suffers from PTSD? And does it matter if it is the one or the other?
    I always knew that something was wrong with my father. He was unpredictable, always irritable, had immense angry outbursts which for me as a child seemed to come out of the blue. He always seemed stressed about something. Apart from that he was a withdrawn, unavailable man and he hardly spoke to me in my childhood apart from when he scolded or reprimanded me.
    For most of my adult life I had no contact with him, but my sister persuaded me to resume contact a few years before he became terminally ill. When I cared for him during his illness, I saw the same behaviour from him as in my childhood (anger, bossiness, impatience, agitation, stress, total lack of regard for my needs because of his stress), but I also learned some other things about him: I saw a man who was extremely insecure and considered himself to be unintelligent and ugly, a man who was highly afraid of abandonment and a man who was unable to tolerate delay in the fulfillment of his needs. I also saw a man who was very manipulative in order to avoid abandonment and in order to get me and my sisters to fulfill his needs.
    I feel uncertain if he really was a narcissist. He didn’t fit the picture of the overt narcissist, because he was much too insecure and didn’t have the typical grandiose traits of overt narcissism. But he also didn’t have the quiet smugness and quiet air of superiority of the covert narcissist. In fact he appeared to be more of a sad, tragic person, suffering from either borderline disorder or PTDS. It seemed as if he was completely unable to regulate his emotions and that he was suffering emotionally because of stress most of the time.
    How can one distinguish between these diagnoses? And what relevance does it have in order to heal from the trauma that such a parent inflicted?
    Kind regards from Anne

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Anne,

      that’s great my material has been helping you!

      Truly Anne, it doesn’t matter. If you are being abused, your boundaries are crossed and your heart and feelings are invalidated then this person was/is not healthy for you – period.

      Please know the healing is COMPLETELY identical for trauma from ANYONE! Because the traumas in our body, are in our body, and need to be found, released and reprogrammed. no matter who they are from, what they are about and how they got there. In fact, when you start doing this, you KNOW how irrelevant it is what the other person ‘was’. The healing is all about US.

      NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp deals with all of this – as well as any other traumas in your inner being, on literally any topic you could imagine.

      You will see when you start the inner healing that NARP facilitates.

      I hope this explains

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      • abmstck@yahoo.dk'
        Anne
        September 19, 2019

        Hi Melanie
        Thank you very much. It does explain it, and it sort of takes a burden off my shoulders trying to figure out which diagnosis could be put on my father.
        I must say, I feel extremely relieved that I have come across your homepage. I bought your Transforming Family of Origin Wounds the other day and I will start working with it today.
        Thanks again and kind regards from Anne

  • Starvillas@mweb.co.za'
    Amanda
    September 19, 2019

    Hi mel
    This is spot on about my mother. Except for no 3 as I wasnt the golden child but the scapegoat. Everything was my fault. My mothers addiction was rage. The guilting and shame especially from the Jewish bloodline which is very common. Been working hard to remove the guilt from my body as that is my go to place so much better now due to narp. But got so much work to do having a narc mother which also means I have struggled with girlfriends and was desperate for love and a man who could save me. But my love code towards men also a problem as father was pathetic and a shell of a man. I either pick losers as men or controlling ones like my mother. Got so much narping to still do 😥 but it has definitely helped

  • simms.r@att.net'
    Robert A. Simms, Jr.
    September 19, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    Thank you for you videos, and for your lovely and inspiring spirit through them. I can recognize my parent, as well as myself, in your videos, and have started to love me, over the years, through recognizing value in the invisible attributes of courage, honesty, compassion and thoughtfulness. I am better at seeing these in myself, and not just in others. Your validation and wisdom are like no other, and I do not know how to say thanks.
    Please know that my love for your words helps guide me, and that I am applying them in my quest to be a validator, listener, and provider of good words, as well.
    Blessings, love, and warm regards,
    ~Bob

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Awww Bob,

      thank you for your lovely words, and many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • greenbnk@rogers.com'
    Nicole
    September 19, 2019

    “Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.”

    There isn’t one sign here that does not resonate with me. I could document many examples for each sign. Just thinking about them/remembering them makes my heart heavy, especially because my narc mother has recently suffered a stroke and guess who’s on the hook to take care of everything, including her until I can talk her out of her stair-ladder home and into assisted living care (control!) This is why self-partnering has become so important to my recovery. Looking back, my past is nothing but a tsunami of ‘broken hearts’ and disappointments. It’s downright shameful. From marriages to intimate relations to friendships, all because I was too quick to trust. Outside of my children, I can easily count on one hand the good friends in my life – the result of becoming a “boundary boss”. But it really stings when I have to step up with new people and [they] can’t be a decent human being and I discover the reason they were in my field in the first place was to “get” at the expense of whatever it was I had that they wanted. In other words, they could only be kind while rubbing the golden goose (me) and in-between they were a whole host of meanness, from mocking (disguised as “playful” sarcasm,) to arrogance, etc. I also discovered that when you step up and challenge a narc’s behaviour, they are cowards (enter the smear campaign, else others will discover their duplicity) and actually project their misbehaviour onto you (me!). Now I’m having to step up to my narc mother and tell her she’s the one who has to acknowledge/accept/adjust to her stroke outcome accordingly, not me. Thankfully I have the support of her therapists and case worker. [They] say narcissism is rare, but I would argue it’s an epidemic. It only appears rare because a narc doesn’t think anything is wrong with them/they would never seek a diagnosis/therapy to heal unless forced to (arrest!) So, imo, the stats lie. The pendulum has swung so far the other way in my life, I feel very good and safe in the notion about not ever enmeshing my life, in the traditional sense, ever again. Companionship is the only “arrangement” I will ever welcome. They will have to be independent and dig me for who I am, not what I have to offer. (materialistically) Now that I am solo, I’m finding dining alone in a restaurant, especially difficult. I look around the room and I wonder if the couples I see are actually a good thing, or a bad thing. My son’s best friend was really upset when my ex-n and I split up. He said, “You were my dream family.” That’s how fake my life was! The bottom line being, my husband never existed! So much shock and upheaval. But, I’m grateful and happy the truth revealed itself because I found you, Melanie, and NARP which you have very generously shared with the world-wide web! Because of you, I’ve learned who my AIDs have been/are and I am free to heal and finally be-come Me.
    Namaste,
    Nicole

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 19, 2019

      Hi Nicole,

      sending you love and healing in your journey, and please know lovely lady the shock and shame will lift with NARP.

      And the relationship trajectory can shift so much too.

      Give your self healing, love and time Nicole and please know the incredible loving NARP Community is here for you as you heal.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • jenniforlife1@gmail.com'
    Jennifer Mathew
    September 20, 2019

    I agree, it doesn’t have to take decades or many years to heal.

    And we each need to find that balance regarding the false vs true beliefs you listed: 1) ignoring or denying our needs vs. knowing & validating our needs & values 2) emotional co-dependency for survival vs. emotional self stability, self empowerment 3) believing love comes thru achievement and perfection vs. love comes through self acceptance, self kindness, self support, God’s love, etc. 4) guilt or blame for others’ behavior/locked into trading favors vs. honest self-responsibility, courage, choice 5) difficulty trusting others or recklessly trusting others vs. trusting self enough to take reasonable risks & supporting self thru mistakes 6) sense of worth derived from false/perfected image and impressions vs. self worth from authenticity and true self 7) remaining a helpless child forever with forced family obligations (victim) vs. growing into adulthood (self empowerment and accountability) and fulfilling family obligations out of love, relationship, and decency.

    For every “flea” or deficiency, state the opposing goal and work toward that. It can be hard to foster some of these values in ourselves, unless we tap into the fact that we are created with these abilities in us from the beginning. They are like seeds that just need a little watering to come to life. Really, once you start throwing attention and love that way, they grow by leaps and bounds. You’ll make mistakes along the way, feel like you are riding a bike for the first time in some respects. It’s okay to fall off the bike. Keep getting up! Go go go! You’ll get there! God bless.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi Jennifer,

      these are so true.

      I have found personally that once releasing trauma all of that – Who We Really Are, comes back on-line very organically.

      It can be daunting for people to try to dissect it all and work towards it, when we can now, with Quantum Tools, be-come it more easily. Then of course there may be work to clean up the edges!!

      Much love to you and thank you for your lovely share.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • piratesfriendprincess1@gmail.com'
    D’Anna Carson Clark
    September 20, 2019

    Hi 👋 I knew that my Mum was narcissistic but this feels like you where living the guest room in my family.

    It does help to see this written down and extract the pysical individual so I can even more clearly see what was going on with my relationship with my mother.

    Thank you it is in unwrapping of those stories I am in the process of doing.
    It is like seeing them though a clear glass not painted windows.

    It helps to have your comments illustrate how much of this was truly damaging.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi D’Anna,

      I am so pleased this has helped validate you.

      Sending you blessings and breakthroughs

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • kelleyhirst@yahoo.com'
    Kelly Hirst
    September 20, 2019

    This is so relevant to me. My parents have been gone for a couple of years now but they still rent space in my head.

    My mother was a certifiable narcissist but what about my dad? He was mostly a lovely man but he was not perfect by anyone’s imagination, despite my sister deifying him. He was married to a certifiable narcissist for 50 plus years. I don’t believe he was a narcissist himself but he could certainly take on the colors of once sometimes. Never underestimate his ability to behave like a drama queen when triggered, neglect and dismiss me when I needed emotional support and be entirely complicit in her abuse and fits of rage. Sometimes I could swear he was channeling her, even in his old age. I learned I not only had to cater to the actual narcissist’s capricious nature but take care of the other parent as well. He was in no shape to be much of a parent either, which hurt even more. My mother used his emotional unavailability as proof that I was completely unworthy unless I complied with her.

    Having one narcissistic parent is bad enough but having to deal with the effects on the other parent as a child is a double whammy. I learned from the people who’s job it was to teach me what love is that love is dangerous and loving someone means handing over all power. There was no recourse, not even to the parent who was not a narcissist because he was a victim too, complicit to his last breath.

    Thank you for this video and all your help and support.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi Kelly,

      It is so painful for people who had a narcissistic and damaged/enabler parent.

      I would so love to help you get them out of your head and being – so that you are free.

      Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where I can show you how this is powerfully and quickly possible.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • kmarie77221@gmail.com'
    Kayla Stephan
    September 20, 2019

    My heart goes out to everyone that has been affected by a narcissistic parent. My mother is highly narcissistic and I was met with all of the destructive behaviors above. I can honestly say that discovering what she is was Earth shattering. This experience broke me down to the point where I could no longer function and go on. Now I am grateful because I had no choice but to go inside and heal. I knew there was no other option or way out. I want everyone to know that you can heal as I am living proof of this. With Melanie’s NARP program I have completely transformed myself and my life. My life is now filled with synchronicities and miracles every day. When I look at the person I was during narcissistic abuse I no longer recognize her. I have become a thriving and free soul no longer carrying the pain I once did. Thriving is a lifelong journey and I am still finding and healing deep layers of trauma. I no longer fight the experience but welcome it, and I see life from a whole new perspective. Having a narcissistic parent has been the greatest gift I could have ever received. It was my ticket to experience my true life, true self, and true love. I know it may be hard for those still in the pain of this experience to see my perspective, but I wanted to share that there is hope. Anyone that is still suffering the pain of a narcissistic parent I recommend trying Melanie’s program.

    Lots of love,
    Kayla

  • lsthomasson@gmail.com'
    Laura Thomasson
    September 20, 2019

    1, 3, 4, 6, and 7

    My father is a narcissist but my mother has narcissistic tendencies as well. He didn’t really care about us as individual people, more he liked to show us off and brag about us. And all conversations are either very superficial or go back to him. It is soul sickening. He was a serial cheater and abused my sister emotionally (comparing her to Dolly Parton, talking about sex with her, and on and on). He denies this. My sister is (of course) a recovering alcoholic. I escaped into nature and movement (gymnastics and dance) and survived the worst. But he has had a bigger impact that I really knew. He actually disgusts me. I still love him but I also hate him. The biggest (what I thought was) love of my life also had this love/hate energy. Thank goodness I pulled away before I had a lifetime of this negative energy. Now my dad is married to another narcissist so they co-use those around them for supply. I have compassion but am wondering if this is even healthy. Should I just have no contact? He is in his 80s so that feels very hard to do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi Laura,

      I really believe you most important decision for you is: what is going to bring you true healing and relief? Honoring our soul is the most important priority that any of us have to ourselves and life itself – regardless of what other specific people are or aren’t doing.

      Sending you strength and truth for your decision.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • rjc33312@yahoo.com'
    James
    September 20, 2019

    Greetings to all who have found Melanie’s work,

    Keep with it…there is a silver lining, no matter how dark the clouds appear at the moment…it is the way out…and well worth the effort.

    My brother was the Identified narcissist in our family…it might have been that he felt displaced/usurped when I came along as the baby of the family…and he was no longer the center of attention?
    However it started for him is unimportant.

    The results in our family, was to create us into codependents…
    I have been working on self development for more than 40 years…
    I made tremendous progress…still short of what is available in a short time with Melanie’s help. For me, in just a few months of reading Melanie’s blog, doing the free workshops..the 16 day course…I have cleared out the last(?) or my childhood traumas…I have learned to expect the unexpected.

    I had devastated my finances seeking love from a narcissist. I really wiped myself out and did not see how to afford the expenditure for doing the NARP course…I was also far enough along my own stubborn path to still fully transform…to grow up. It was my path.

    I do not in any way recommend the path I took when Melanie’s course will give you the same, if not better results. I am totally grateful for Melanie’s work.

    I clearly see where I made wrong choices, where I invented lies about myself, others and God. I see where and how I abandoned those who truly loved me in favor of those lies I told myself…

    I was an innocent, naive and immature little boy when I was molested.
    I blamed God for allowing it to happen…I turned away choosing to believe the words of my perpetrator that “nobody will believe you(me).” I became invisible or maybe like a chameleon…changing my colors to fit in…

    I (mentally) abandoned my parents, my loving family, grew to mistrust them in favor of my brothers narcissistic manipulation.
    I suffered…never being good enough…not being worthy. I made up that I was an outcast from God…(so not true)

    I have been reaching out to my two nephews…I have been sending them links to Melanie’s blog…both have been involved in narcissistic relationships. I got through to the younger one, he has turned the corner…is on the mend from the madness. He did the work…
    Over the last few months he has made great progress!

    The older one’s wife drove him mad…in all the ways a narcissist can do. The crazy talk, smearing, twisting, blaming…the set-ups…feigning or creating disease in herself to not have to work…

    Every nasty unspeakable trick a full blown malignant narcissist can pull or act out. So painful to witness.
    My nephew just shriveled up…he just could not fathom evil.

    He endlessly gave in to please her. That was his contribution, trying to please another before we take care of our own health.
    He has always been such a gentle soul, caring and helping all who he met.

    He has been in a dark place for a long time. I have been reaching out to him…he kept running away, he was masking his pain with drugs…something I did for a long time…I am now clean 25 years…
    I have been through his experience many times.

    I was unaware of how bad it was. I could not bring myself to believe he was using heroin while maintaining his job as a nurse.
    Had I known I would not have bailed him out last week when he was arrested for drugs…his passionate plea to bail him out…

    I could not see it for what it was…It truly came to mind that his narcissistic wife set him up.

    Last night he shot himself in the head with a 45.

    It seems surreal that I do not blame her…she is unaware of her actions.

    It was truly my nephews responsibility to man up. I only wish he knew this and how easy it is to change and heal and grow compared to the pain avoiding growth that is. When we become clear about who we really are, this understanding is available.

    Without doing this work…removing my own traumas…Transforming myself and growing up, my mental state over this would surely be different.

    Surely I played a part in the madness. I was still ignorant and naive enough to be deceived…if I had known…

    So many things could have been different…so many missed signs and opportunities. So easy to look into the shadow of the past and pretend.

    Thank you Melanie…without your work (and mine) and above all God’s help and guidance…
    I would be truly lost.

    I am strong, I need no condolences. I am not “devastated”. It is what it is.
    Doing this work has given me clarity to stand strong for my family.
    To show up as a man and not the little boy I was not so long ago.

    What happened is sad and I pray this brings hope to all your readers…

    “Do not let somebody else’s bad choices determine our destiny”
    (Heard today from Joyce Meyers)

    I would not trade or go back to who I was for any price… I am just not going there to feel sorry for myself any more. It is a vortex to wrongtown! (to use Melanie’s vernacular)

    Thank you Mel!

    God Bless

    James

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi James,

      Awww gosh your poor nephews … James this story happens way too often, people leaving at an early age – because of N abuse.

      It’s one of my most potent motivations to make a difference.

      Thank you for the difference you have made with your incredible post.

      Bless you Dear Man.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • radial75@gmail.com'
    Russell
    September 20, 2019

    Dear Mel,

    Once again, you have nailed it on all counts. This is going to help so many people!

    Thank you so much for this helpful resource and for showing us the way to heal from a lifetime of this, using NARP!

    Your work continues to transform my life and I am so grateful.

    Love and blessings to you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi Russell,

      you are so welcome and thank YOU for being such a force for change and healing.

      Love and blessings to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • karencarter21@yahoo.co.uk'
    Karen
    September 20, 2019

    Hi Melanie … all resonates. I have a narc dad… who told me there was something wrong with me from when I was a toddler… he compared me to my brother who he said was the cute puppy, and I was called ‘the hissing cat who burned everyone with her fire’, simply because I was female, and had “feelings”, which he could not tolerate. I sensed the injustice very young, at being branded as someone I was not, and questioned this; but it. always resulted in his continual annihilation of my character. No seeking to understand or even caring how distressed I felt, just one shut down after another, until surprise, I ended up as a young lady with skin issues, uncomfortable in my own skin, suppressing who I was and feeling that my normal emotions, were bad, evil, wrong, going to burn people like i’d been sledgehammered into believing,,, I learned it wasn’t safe to be me … i was even beaten and locked in a hotel room while my mother stood by and turned her back on what he was doing in the sane room, because I dated to disagree with him. That day something died inside me. I felt utterly alone and abandoned. This thriver episode really helped me to see clearly how I ended up evolving into adult relationships with men just like him, which was my ‘normal’ … I havent had the courage to love again since the last relationship in which I found myself repeating the same patterns, with a man who is about as extreme a narc as you can get. i still have a cocktail of mixed feelings for this man, just like I do for my father, who I love to bits, but hate for how he treated me. It’s an uncomfortable paradox – and I’m scared to love again and attract more of the unhealthy same .. I hope I’ve learned enough to break a pattern. I feel guilty writing this about my father, because he did not have the best start in life in his childhood, but it’s the truth. There is nowhere else aside from this forum I feel I am safe tio he vulnerably honest. There’s no-one or nowhere I’ve found that truly gets the devastating impact it can have on your life. I’ve lived so much of my life in the shadow of this shame I was lead to feel, believing I was bad, no good, unwanted, for simply being a living breathing normal young girl. So thank you Melanie. I’ve still some way to go but part of me feels reborn with the validation narp brings, and your continued teachings and care to personally respond and continue to bring this very real pattern of abuse, (for me almost life threatening) to light. Big love and gratitude. 🙏🏻💖

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Hi Karen,

      I am pleased honey that you are working with NARP.

      I promise you that if you just keep going in to shift out what hurts, without rehashing it and trying to work it out logically – just feel it and let it go instead with your NARP Module work – you will very soon start coming out the other side of this.

      Sending you blessings and breakthroughs Karen.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • scarlet_amaryllis@yahoo.com'
    Amy
    September 20, 2019

    I always tried to intellectualize my way out of my issues- especially in recent years. My mother definitely had narcissistic issues and my father passed away when I was still a teenager. Of course, I married a narcissistic man who was verbally abusive. Melanie’s exercises actually give me hope and I am so slowly beginning to gradually see that I have the emotional strength to pull through this into a wonderful life that I never before had. The visualizations seem so usual but they are different because they actually work. I constantly think of offering up the negative feelings for recycling into love and it is so inspirational to me.
    Thank you Melanie!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2019

      Awww Amy,

      so pleased you are now letting the trauma go instead of ‘trying to think how to manage it’.

      You are on the path to freedom!

      Lots of love to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • Cathydmagee@icloud.com'
    Cassie Dey
    September 21, 2019

    Melanie,
    I am already aware that I had a narcissistic mother. I watched this video from the viewpoint of myself as a mother to determine if I have been a narcissistic mother to my 4 sons. I feel as though when they were young I didn’t show any of those signs. However, now that I am in the middle of the storm of breaking away from the narcissistic husband with a long drawn out divorce stifled by law suits against the narcissistic husband where he is being sued for millions of dollars and me being left with nothing at age 60. I also have faced many serious and progressive health issues and I am terrified I will not be able to support myself financially. With all of this chaos and fear I feel I have displayed narcissistic tendencies toward my adult sons such as instability, looking to them to provide me with love for my survival. I always made it my goal to be authentic with my children. I was a stay at home mom and I had so much fun with them as children going to the zoo and their sports (which they picked). If I am showing these tendencies now that they are 25, 24, 21 and 19 have I caused them horrific damage?
    Lots of love,
    Cassie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2019

      Hi Cassie,

      I really want you to know that at any age when we start healing and releasing our trauma and guilt and pain, that our children organically follow where we go.

      It is never too late.

      I promise you.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      • Cathydmagee@icloud.com'
        Cathy Magee
        September 21, 2019

        Mel,
        Thank you.
        Cassie

  • noaccess@to.com'
    KKWL
    September 21, 2019

    hello! could you plese address the role of FEAR – even terror and all the weird mannerisms that come along w it? thx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2019

      Hi KKWL,

      Absolutely I’d love to answer that.

      Fear is the trigger signalling us to turn within and heal a false and painful belief.

      When that is achieved we realise ‘warnings’ or intuition guiding us to safety, regarding situations that dont serve us, dont have to have fear that details our power.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • virginie.yanagimoto@gmail.com'
    LVM
    September 21, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    This is so true! One thing among others that is so wonderful with your explanations, is that each sign is linked to a possible inner barrier or malfunctioning behavior with practical and easy-to-understand words, so that we don’t stay stuck in the analysis of the narcissist’s behaviors. Instead it gives us ready-to-use clues to focus on our own healing. I do module 1 of your NARP program a lot, after I have experienced a difficult situation, or before a confrontation where I need to express my needs and stand my ground without being derailed, and it helps me a great deal to come back to my true self where I can get clarity and calm and become more sound and solid. Your voice of authenticity and love, literally in your videos and NARP modules and also in your articles, truly works as a precious light that I rely on to safely guide me through healing when I need it or when I feel tired or lost. I thank you in my heart each time I finish a module, or read an article or watch a video. Thank you for reaching out and for your gentle and truly authentic support. Take good care of yourself.

    With lots of love and gratitude,

    LVM

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2019

      Hi LVM,

      Sweetheart it is my humble honour that NARP and my material has helped.

      Continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • Sunshine49356@cs.com'
    Paulette M. Spaay
    September 21, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I never really thought about it before I read this article. My parents are both gone now. They grew up during the Depression in large families and it was a struggle to survive. From your article I can see how my grandparents were also controlling people and my parents were both perfectionists. I always thought it was because of growing up during the Depression where everything mattered to survive. In many ways I feel I learned a lot of valuable lessons from them that made me a stronger and more capable person. I also know that I had issues of inadequacy that I had to deal with in my life. I finally started to heal when I stopped letting other people validate me.

    We all want to feel loved, but I learned that you have to love yourself first and quit looking to other people to make you feel worthwhile. Now, when I meet narcissistic people who try to control other people’s lives I just walk away. As the song says — I got along without you before I met you so I’ll get along without you now.

    Now that I am 70 years old and disabled it is harder to be self-sufficient. My daughter has this past year gotten out of of a really bad narcissistic relationship that hurt us both financially through his theft, but we have survived. The problem is that he will not stop stalking her. We didn’t even know what a narcissist was until reading your articles. It’s sad that there are so many of them in this world today destroying other people’s lives. It’s good that you are letting people know what to look for.

    Good article.

    • jacqline861@gmail.com'
      Jaya
      September 22, 2019

      Unless a person is totally new to narcissism, lots of us already know a parent is a narcissist. The problem is what to do about it.

      Melanie, your videos seem to say go no contact with a narc parent, even if he/she is elderly and physically or mentally infirm. But you never really say that. Instead, you say “take care of you!” But this isn’t a helpful answer in many people’s situations. An elderly parent is a VERY difficult situation and most of us cannot walk away, even if he/she is abusive.

      I understand this community is about the thriver not the abuser. But people need some HARD advice on exactly how to separate, if that is even an option, especially when there’s no money for professional care. Does this parent just become a ward of the state? Do you call social services and tell them your old mom is alone and you will not have anything else to do with her, so they better get over there and pick her up? While your mother might actually deserve that treatment, is it the right thing to do? Or do you walk away and let other family nembers who are still willing take on all the responsibility because you just don’t care anymore, and it’s more important to take care of yourself?

      An elderly person who is a narc is not going to change. She gets desperate because her ability to charm new victims is going or gone. And yet, she’s still your mother, and she needs care.

      I don’t have the answer to this dilemma.

      I’m glad I am not a professional counselor having to say things and not say them at the same time.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        September 22, 2019

        Hi Jaya,

        If you Google my resources on elderley narcissists and boundaries (two separate topics) you will find other options in there.

        I hope this helps.

        Mel 🙏💕💛

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2019

      Hi Paulette,

      Sending love, healing and peace to you and your daughter.

      Please google my name plus ‘stalking’ to see the resources I have on this topic.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • penny.white@outlook.com'
    Penni
    September 22, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    I tried my best to hold it together after watching this video and only have come to know that my mother was mentally ill and as you said it’s all I knew as a child and young adult. What is fascinating is that even though her style changed in my twenties as she went from being an abusive neglectful parent as you spoke about in your video and outlined in your article to then a very dependent and needy mother who refused to allow me to leave home and help her all the time even with financial expenses you name it. I moved out of my family home at 35 and had to move back in at 39 as she suddenly fell ill and passed away three years ago and now I am taking care of my younger sibling who is herself unwell due to neglect and abuse as a child. As sisters who both reacted narcissistically with her later in her life and I know that the abuse had an impact on us we did not know what healthy meant and I have a lot of remorse for my own unloving ways. Been through narcissistic abuse and you are so right no amount of therapy has really helped heal my state of mind because I can just get through the day and survive and am certainly not living my life at 42. I have shut down so much of my own desires, needs and values that I don’t even know what they are anymore and have seemed to have lost my own identity and young self. There was a lot of damage done after my father died at age 11 but I know I was fragile anyway because even though he was a loving man he had a temper on him and was violent with his ways of putting us into line. Have not had love relationships for so long that I feel like I have given up on that too most people think I am my younger siblings mother and always assume this is the case. Anyway, I love your work and it makes so much more sense than talking to a psychologist and feeling like your crazy telling your story.
    Thanks
    Pen

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 23, 2019

      Hi Penni,

      darling lady, my heart goes out to you.

      I really do want you to know that when you work with deeper subconscious healing tools, even after a lifetime of what you have experienced, you can heal. Many people in our Community have.

      NARP truly has been the key for them, and can be for you. I’d love you to try it http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      If you want to learn more about NARP before becoming a member, you can do so in my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  • naomihumm1972@gmail.com'
    Naomi Humm
    October 7, 2019

    This was a really interesting one for me as I have just had my mother staying for two weeks and felt exhausted by the time she left. I’m still not sure that I can identify her as a narcissist but she comes to see me under the auspices of supporting and looking after me but I end up feeling like I support and prop her up. It feels like she leans in energetically and then I feel resentful for because I start feeling sapped of energy and then guilty because she’s my mother and I shouldn’t feel this way after all she’s done for me etc. I felt from quite an early age that I became her caretaker and this has only become more evident to me as the years go by and it really taints the relationship. Do you have any advice on this?

  • justindartist@yahoo.com'
    Justin
    October 14, 2019

    Thank you Melanie!
    My story is similar to everyone else in most respects.

    Both my parents are ‘Narcs’ aged 90. I cut off contact with my mom 40 years ago and she has no power over me.

    My dad still has me hooked by promising a large inheritance. Also a (small) part of me still seeks his approval. This is where your teaching can help me.

    I’m trying to fend him off emotionally without losing a large inheritance. I just wrote him to ask how much it is so I can plan for my future. (Should I try to buy a cheap trailer or will I be able to buy a decent house?) This is a legitimate question. I think that if I don’t get a ‘sane’ answer that I will go “no contact” and take my chances regarding the promised inheritance.

    Possibly more important is that I heal so I can be in a positive healthy relationship. I am becoming involved with a nice woman. my land-lady, ( I rent a room in her house). She is an empath with many emotional problems from being involved with narcissists. We are both working on similar problems and both tend to be co-dependent. I try to be supportive of her without being co-dependent. We both work hard at trying to heal from Narc abuse! (wish us luck!)

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