Melanie Tonia Evans

Codependency: Readings and Astrology Can’t Give You Love

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

Have you ever felt the urge to go and get psychic readings to find out when and how you will get love right? Or maybe you have consulted reputable astrologers or numerologists to pinpoint when the love of your life is going to show up.

The idea for this week’s newsletter came to me whilst working with a client. Thank you Bonnie for this inspiration! This newsletter is about self-empowerment, and the reasons why we need to disconnect from being co-dependent to outside sources, in order to create our own truth.


Trying to Find the Answer from the Outside

Many of us question when love is going to work in our life. I have experienced both sides of the fence in regard to this issue. Once upon a time (a long time ago) I worked professionally on a Tarot Line. At the time I had a growing interest in personal development, and found it quite disturbing when the same people would continuously call to ask When is he coming back to me? Does he really love me? and If he’s not the one, when is the love of my life coming?

No matter how hard I tried to get these women to empower themselves and become an attraction force for love, I couldn’t. They were broken, empty and not in their power at all. These ladies were not engaging in their own lives, and their lives were on hold whilst relying completely on what ‘he’ was or wasn’t going to do.

Frighteningly, some of these women hadn’t heard from a particular man for 5+ years, and were still stuck in limbo and pain.

I found it heartbreaking, and after a year of this job, I decided to leave it.

I admit I have been one of these women, maybe not quite to that extent, but definitely co-dependently hanging out for advice from psychics or numerology and astrology predictions to try to ease my inner emptiness and loneliness.

In fact during the times when I felt the most empty (before I discovered the Truth about becoming my own Creator) I would regularly pull out my cards, or go back over my transits and try to find some sort of answer to relieve my fears of being alone, or being stuck in a relationship that wasn’t working.

Can you relate?

Chances are many of you can, because the tendency to try to gain power and answers outside of ourselves is a common female affliction. Its called co-dependency…Sadly co-dependency doesn’t work, it only brings us more pain.

I still do readings, but I do them very rarely (because in virtually every case Quanta Freedom Healing provides more real value), and I always strongly (adamantly) suggest vibrational shift work as a necessity, so that people who have readings get on to the real work of becoming the Creator for themselves powerfully and authentically.
This never happens when we wait for the ‘outside’ to change and do something.


There is No Outside

Get this – and get it very clearly…There is no ‘outside!’ The ‘outside’ is stuff showing up as a match to your vibrational ‘inside’ – pure and simple!

This is irrefutably The Truth…

Please know, I thoroughly believe in the powerful evidence that can come forth as a result of a reputable reading, and I believe that even the greatest sceptics would find it very hard to dismiss the information gleaned from a real astrologer or numerologist, who can accurately pinpoint your strengths, weaknesses, occurrences in your life, deep karmic patterns and tribulations and potential.

I firmly believe these systems of nature, life and the universe and how they relate to us as individuals are real, yet what I know is the True Power and Reality of our life is how we choose to work on and align ourselves.

You see all the evidence discovered in your ‘charts’ was originally created by you.


Your True Self is not Your Weaknesses

Regardless of your karmic patterns, weaknesses and insecurities in your makeup (personal false belief systems and associated fears) you can release these inner issues that are keeping you separated from real love and come back to your True Self Power regarding love (and any other topic).

Why? Because your True Self is always what ‘you want’ – your soul does not get it wrong, and life is waiting to deliver you these desires (you and Life are energetically one) once you have cleaned up your false beliefs and fears.

This is the only formula that bags you what you want! Information regarding what ‘Life is going to do’ won’t, because it can’t deliver What You Want without your inner alignment.

If you know you have an interest in metaphysics and gaining spiritual answers, please stop seeking that power outside of yourself (other than for clues and guidance about yourself), and please stop thinking that You, Life and The Universe are disconnected things.

Stop thinking that Life and the Universe is doing things to you, and start thinking, and more importantly knowing, that You and you alone are the Creator and the director vibrationally of Life and The Universe in your entire experience.

In effect, you have been making it all up. That means you have been creating everything in your experience in relation to your belief systems and feelings about Love and every other topic in your experience.

Isn’t this exciting? Isn’t it wonderful to know that if your love experience is not what you want, you can stop looking to the outside to try to make it work, and come home to your inner to create what really works!

Please note that all future newsletter topics will be posted here on this blog so that you can contribute and share your thoughts, as well as ask questions. I would love to hear what you think of the blog and if you have any suggestions to improve it. I will be doing my best to respond to all comments.



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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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7 Thoughts on Codependency: Readings and Astrology Can’t Give You Love
    September 23, 2011

    Hi Melanie,
    These are just my thoughts, as a metaphyscian I have learnt the value of looking within and developing my own dependancy of self in the knowledge that co-dependancy does not serve our self. I have lived my life as a widow for 17 years and within that time have had a long term relationship which ended 4 years ago and since then I have grown spiritually and have a wonderful life,doing the things I love to do, the one question I ask is what I am doing that is not attracting love of another into my life. in fact I journalled last night the following ” Have I not reached that true state of love and oneness, what must I do to achieve this and what am I not doing”. So your blog has reinforced this question within me to seek that answer. I to in the past have used readings from others to see when my life partner will manifest in the knowledge that the answer they give is neither definitive or on most occassions even accurate. but still I turned to them in the hopes that one day one would be right. This I have realised although not futile is in fact a way of bolstering a feeling of hope that temporarily has been lost. I have never relied on these readings to solve my issues, and have used them to guide me in the direction I have needed to take.

  • meltonia
    September 23, 2011

    Hi Sue,
    thank you for your post. Congrats on creating your sense of self and releasing co-dependent traits! It is very normal to really want the right relationship, yet be frustrated that it just doesn’t seem to be happening. What will be blocking you will be limiting beleifs / fears – and they are very normal parts of ourself! My suggestion in order to identify what your limiting beliefs are is to feel into your goal of a connected, loving and safe relationship and then feel into what the doubts / fears / reservations are in regard to this. Anything less than “I know it – it JUST IS’ is a limiting belief, and it’s our feelings that tell us what these are. This may be as simple as “Why hasn’t it happened yet?”, which is in contrary to “I feel it, I know it, it is” (the feeling has to preceed the creation), and of course it may also be other fears / pain of the past that are still in your ‘body’ and can be felt as resistance (a block) when aligning with the feeling of the goal. Once you feel into and write about what these blocks are you will start to get your answers about what you need to release and reframe so that you be-come your goal without fear / blocks in the way. (when you ‘be’ yur goal emotionally / vibrationally then it will ‘come’) Also, I am a huge advocate for becoming an Empowered Dater and actively dating to create the goal, release the fears and offending beliefs, and be on the field achieveing your goal purposefully – rather than ‘waiting’ for your partner to turn up. If you want information regarding Empowered Dating please see here: Also to powerfully identify and change the limiting beliefs that are separating you from realising true love, you may wish to read this information to see how it can be done with me definitively:
    You are so right that readings can give you a sense of hope, yet they wane, and then we may feel that we need to seek another reading to gain that sense of ‘hope’ again! It is so true that there is another and much more authetic ‘inner’ way to create what we want! I hope this helps!

    September 24, 2011

    Hi Melanie,
    I separated from a man I was dating for over two years, six months ago. I hadn’t had a long-term relationship in ten years before him. I have read several self-help books, e-books, emails, had counselling etc…to no avail. I still feel stuck, detached from my life and true inner self, and can’t seem to move past the pain and anger from his lies and deceit involving his ex-girlfriend. I find it difficult to forgive. I recognise my co-dependancy traits of believing a man will make me happy and my limting beliefs of feeling not good enough, lovable enough or worthy, even though I read that I am enough. I almost feel like I’m going through an identity crises. I still haven’t made the shift to believe in myself. What more can I do to shift this debilitating feeling of being lost, angry and sad inside? I miss his company but know he didn’t meet my needs on many levels. I can’t seem to detach myself from the hurt even though I am the one who ended the relationship.

      October 20, 2012

      Are you still reading Melanie’s blogs? suggest you do so, and engage in dialogs. Also something that will help immensely:
      Falun Gong. check it out at
      there are free downloads and links to DVDs for the five very gentle exercises that will help clear your head.

    Maria Walker
    September 24, 2011

    Hi Mel
    I just love this new blog page & the comments section.
    Well done.
    And I totally get the whole tarot, astrology ‘wanting’ yep that’s been me for sure 🙂 that Hope button geez I’ve wished in the past that mine would break 🙂

    Lisa & Sue I’ve been getting Quanta healings with Mel now weekly this is after having started reading her work early last year w/very ridiculously no funds to then buying her ebooks all whilst recieving abuse counselling by 2 counselors 4 Narsastistic abuse or domestic violence. This year I decided stuff it get the healings done put it on ur credit card pay it off Just Do It so I did. Booked 3 healings & boy I wish I’d done them as soon as I’d found Mel’s sight. Please please please get a healing done Feel the Freedom immediately. I’ve done all types of healings counseling tarot cards, numerology, psychology etc etc & non have helped me ask fast as Quanta Healing in gaining my sanity, dignity My Heart My Health my strength…Melanie can Help You. Please book a session 4 yourself…much Love xx

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    September 27, 2011

    Hi LIsa,

    I totally empathise with your pain! Many women have had long periods of time on their own before getting into a relationship – and believed thay had it sorted! You are not alone.. I certainly have been in this position in the past too.

    You have expressed you know that you’re feeling pain, and that you’re not resolved and aligned with your goal of love.

    The hurt and anger and inability to forgive is normal, human and understandable, yet is disadvantageous given what you would like to acheive – namely real, safe, fulfilling love. Hence the need to shift out of this pain, else having to only re-live it again (Law of Attraction).

    My belief Lisa is totally that we cannot acheieve shifts on deep painful stuff (that we can’t get past) through trying to deal with it on a human / normal level through our minds. At this level we are only working with the conscious mind, which is reacting to the pain that is cellular and emotional(body) based. The mind at best can only attempt mangement of this pain, not true resolution.

    This is why standard psychology has such a low success rate. And any success generally is a long and drawn out process with at best gradual improvement.

    True shift work must occur DIRECTLY with the unconscious and is a quantum leap that is so much more powerful than information delivered at the conscious mind level.

    This was the breakthrough experience I discovered personally years ago – when all of a sudden by stumbling on kinesiology (something I had never previously given any credence to) my emotional agonies started to fall away, and a new me began to emerge. Up until that point I had accessed every self-development piece of information that I could put my hands on – and yet in 2 sessions the results far surpassed anything I had experienced within 10 years of counselling, seminars, retreats and books.

    This naturally led to my passion with vibrational shift work and to becoming a kinesiologist, theta healer and then developing Quanta Freedom Healing.

    It could be argued ‘this just worked for me’. Yet now that I perform vibration healing en masse every week, I see virually without exception every person shift stuff that they couldn’t shift before, and often times instantly.

    I now understand intimately how we are wired as human beings and what it takes to get real change…and like so many of our systems – political , economic, eductional and religious,the present psychiatry / psychology model is terribly antiquated and out of date.

    Our mind cannot move past the human place of ‘injustice’ ‘victim’, whereas when we have the shift created vibrationally we KNOW a COMPLETELY different reality.

    This True Self place (who we really are)is gratitide, peace, release and pure vibrational alignment and knowing of what we can now acheive. The vibrational shifts create a state that is just KNOWN, wheras our ‘head’ would have to keep re-affirming it, analysing it, trying to maintain it, and checking up on it – (similar to planting a seed, and then continually digging it up to have a look).

    In short our head does not do KNOWING – it is our KNOWING that does KNOWING, and this is our True Self state.

    When we KNOW this state (on any particular topic) the old pain, fear and victimisation is no longer our reality – it just doesn’t exist….Many people who experience vibrational shifts have this experience immediately – literally…and for some it takes a little longer – but the experience always far surpasses contemporary attempts.

    If you would like to listen to three women who moved from completely broken to empowered with the use of vibrational healing, this may help explain..

    I hope this explanation of what is ‘intangible’, yet the real vibrational truth (and easily accessed) helps!

    My suggestion is try it! You have nothing to lose, and your True Self to gain…

    May 10, 2014

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    “Anti-Glare” and had a extremely light bodyweight body for that day.
    Bifocals can be obtained in local shopping malls and
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