All of our recent article conversations have in many ways been leading up to this one. It’s a big conversation, a powerful one and an incredibly simple one. What is difficult about this conversation is that most people struggle to accept the simplicity.

That is my major challenge today – putting a Quantum Spiritual Practice into simple terms for you, so that you can start to resonate with it and embody what it means.

Ultimately all Quantum Spiritual practices have to be experienced to know they work. Theories are mere information. Wisdom is different. It is knowledge applied, and having the courage to try the theory on.

In this article today, I will refer to Let Go and Letting Go with capitals. It deserves that type of significance.

You will see why.

 

Hanging On To Pain

It’s very human to hang on to pain. It’s incredibly ‘normal’ to do this – but what are the ramifications?

It hurts, it drains our life-force, and it robs us of joy, progress and love. Sometimes we may feel free, but it keeps turning up like a toxic invader permeating our memory, emotions, feeling and thoughts.

Hanging on to pain SUCKS!

So why do we do it?

For several reasons. Firstly because we have been programmed and indoctrinated in our victimised culture to believe that we are small, powerless, wronged, and don’t have the ability to rise above and generate better circumstances for ourselves.

These are all to do with ‘separation consciousness’ beliefs of “life happens to me from outside of me and I am at the whim of everything and everyone else. I am a victim”.

That’s the first powerful reason.

The next is because we feel as though hanging on to the pain grants us safety.

Our ego (Edging God Out – logical survival programs) convinces us that if we internalise fear and trauma, this acts as a barrier; a shield protecting us from bad things happening to us again.

The other not so obvious reason is because staying traumatised may get us sympathy, love and attention from others. It can also allow us not to heal, rise and get on with our lives, meaning we don’t have to risk expanding and failing. We may tell ourselves “This is my life now; it can never improve.”

I know many of you who are hanging on to the pain may want to throttle me right now, and I understand, because I promise you I did the same for years. You feel like what I have said is so unfair. And of course, a HUGE part of you wants to be free of this pain because pain is horrible.

Maybe you want someone or something else to rescue you from this pain, but salvation never durably happens. It’s actually not meant to, but more about this later.

You may not believe it is possible to Let Go.

Or you may believe Letting Go of the pain is somehow excusing a perpetrator’s behaviour and granting them a free pass. Surely, they MUST be held accountable before you can feel better?

Quantumly, none of these examples are even a TINY bit true, and there are even more reasons why these are all false premises, which I’m going to get to very soon.

What I have found – in my own personal experience and through helping many other beautiful souls Let Go – is that those who want to let go of the pain, by that sincere intention start doing it. Those who don’t let go of the pain, don’t want to let go of the pain. Often there are deep unconscious reasons for this that require healing.

In today’s article I’d like to help you get clear about all the programming that has not allowed you to Let Go, and the Quantum understandings that will help you achieve this.

 

What Does Letting Go Mean?

Letting Go means meeting, holding and blessing the painful energy inside of you, and then surrendering it up to your Higher Power/ Source /All That Is – whatever your version of a Higher Power is.

You and this Higher Power are One, as the Higher non-logical, energetic part of yourself. Without using this Higher Power access you have no ability to actually Let Go, because the Divine Consciousness cannot take over and heal the things you cannot even imagine healing. This leaves you with internal trauma trapped inside you, continuing to hurt you.

The hardest people to heal from abuse are those who are determined there is NO Higher Power. Narcissists fall into this category because they believe THEY are the Higher Power – their logical egoic self.

For good people who get all funky about a religious aspect of Source, I say to them “Look at nature and all the Creation around you! Call it the Universe, Creation or even Bob if you like. Acknowledge this or any religious deity. It doesn’t matter. It is simply a surrendering to a belief that you are connected to something Greater than your normal logical self – a Divine Force of Higher Consciousness.”

Okay… now back to Letting Go.

Where do you need to let go from? Let’s investigate…

 

 

 

 

Letting Go Is an Inside Job

Letting Go is not head work or logical work; it is emotional, somatic, meditative work, that is the work that speaks to your inner being, which is where the trauma is wedged.

The pain is INSIDE of you – it is NOT in your head.

Say after me “I feel traumatised, I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel angry, I feel incensed, I feel heartbroken”.

Yes… this resonates.

Now replace the world ‘feel’ with ‘think’. “I think traumatised, I think hurt, I think betrayed, I think angry, I think incensed, I think heartbroken.”

Oops… that feels totally disconnected.

Feelings are inside you. Thoughts are ideas in your head. In fact, your thoughts follow your body – they are in response to your feelings. Trauma activates first, and then you have thoughts about it. You can’t think your way out of trauma because thoughts don’t address inside of you where the trauma is.

You can’t think Letting Go, you have to spiritually, somatically do it. This is only possible when you are in a meditative state, self-partnered with your attention inside of you.

Otherwise, it’s like trying to dial into a TV station from a radio channel.

You may think that it is impossible to Let Go, yet there are many energetic healers on the planet who can help you access your emotion-body to hand your trauma over. The good news is it’s very easy to perform Letting Go when you are shown how to do it.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) teaches you this and how to do it at ANY time. It also grants an extra benefit as you are not only Letting Go of the trauma and giving it to Source, but also bringing down your Higher Self to fill up the space where the trauma once was.

This shifts you from the breakdown to the breakthrough, and from the lower, victimised, powerless self to the embodiment of the Higher, empowered Self. It is an energetic reuniting of you with your Higher Self and Source to become One again, in a powerful and fast way.

Talking to a therapist or friend is not inner work. Neither is researching all there is to know about narcissism or other conditions. Neither is categorising your trauma, analysing how it got there, or diagnosing the conditions you have now manifested because of what is still poisoning you internally.

Sadly, after relationship trauma, many people find themselves getting all sorts of diagnoses, and medications to treat these diagnoses. Yet, the trauma itself is never released or healed.

Years ago, after my total breakdown, I was medically diagnosed with brain damage and multiple other medical diagnoses which I was told would require me to be on anti-psychotic medication for the rest of my life.

The doctors were right. If I had hung on to the pain and trauma I absolutely could not have functioned.

However, I healed from all of those conditions as a result of Letting Go, because it was my trapped internal trauma making me sick. I also became healthier, calmer, more solid, capable and confident than I had ever been in my entire life.

I Thrived!

Please understand, in no way am I advocating coming off your medication. You must seek medical advice before making any changes with your medical plan. I am saying, maybe consider what it could be to go free from your conditions and truly live, rather than spending a lifetime of merely hoping to manage them.

Back to the point – healing is all to do with Letting Go from inside of you.

Let’s address some of the blocks stopping you doing this.

 

The Fear of Letting Go

Cultural programming tells us we will not be safe if we let go of the trauma of what happened to us.

The exact opposite is the truth. By not Letting Go we are stuck with the trauma wedged inside and this manifests as toxic breakdowns in every way imaginable – emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, financial.

Stuck internal trauma is responsible for every area of your life that doesn’t work. The existence of internal trauma telegraphs as negative emotion. E-motion is energy in motion – meaning the emotion is the unseen ‘fuel’ manifesting, attracting and participating in the matching real-life events.

For example, if you hope to stay safe from people who traumatise you by hanging on to the trauma of them, you will keep thinking about them. This retraumatises you and draws in other people who operate at the same vibration. You show up in life in traumatised ways that fuel your interactions with such people to be even more traumatising.

Hanging on to the pain creates you as an energetic victim to inner trauma, and means you live through even more of the matching ‘outer’, victimised events of trauma.

Imagine you are driving and skid off the road. If you panic and are triggered into terror of hitting a tree, your fearful focus on that tree means you are likely to steer into it. Whereas an untriggered person will be able to coolly and calmly respond in a way that avoids the tree.

The very same is true with our traumas. If we have released them, then we can much more easily recognise when something is wrong for us, avoid it, don’t choose it, participate with it or try to battle it into shape to be less traumatic.

This is because there is no longer any emotional charge within us – it’s gone. It’s not who we are BEING anymore.

Just by Letting Go. Without years of medications, therapy, talking and indulging in repeat stories about what happened to us.

TRULY!

Okay now lets look at the concept of not Letting Go of what someone did to you because this means they ‘get away with it’.

First of all – toxic people LOVE the fact that you are still hanging on to what happened.

Narcissists, as energy vampires, know EXACTLY how energetic laws work! They know that you not Letting Go of what they did to you means they OWN your soul. They get to CONTROL you and suck your life-force parasitically even if you never lay eyes on them again. Make no mistake they are feeding off your life-force.

Plus, by reliving your internal unreleased traumas, you are shooting yourself 1000 times with the same bullet the narcissist fired. You continue to do their abusive work for them!

Hanging on does not make this person pay, it grants them their most prized gift – the ego compliment that they were so significant that someone is continuing to be affected by them.

I hope you are starting to realise now that hanging on, really, really sucks.

But there is MORE!

Are you sitting down, because you really need to understand this…

You are taking this person’s karma for them.

It’s TRUE!

Because you have internalised the hurt of what they did to you, all the terrible energy repercussions boomerang back onto you.

YOU not them.

Let me explain Quantum Law. It’s absolute and ridiculously simple – ‘so within, so without‘. If you are internally BEING strong emotions of betrayal, resentment and injustice, then your outer world will deliver to you more events of betrayal, resentment and injustice.

Naturally, in this place, the abuser DOES get off for free. Every attempt you make to bring accountability and justice upon them fails, and the abuser appears to be skipping off into the sunset untouched – living an amazing life whilst you can barely get out of bed.

Quantum Law IS Source. This IS Your Higher Power. This system of ‘so within, so without’ is not done to punish you. In fact, this is all about Loving You.

Source declares – in Oneness WITH you – “Dear Soul, I adore you so much that I will grant you whatever it is that you are choosing to BE.”

If you decide to hold on to internal trauma for any reason at ALL, then that is what your Higher Power will respond to you with. However, if you Let Go and hand it back to your Higher Power, then you go free from your internal pain and Source responds accordingly.

There are many startling benefits.

If you Let Go of the trauma and surrender it over, with no need for remedy, answers or outcomes (these are lower vibrational requirements from the fearful Egoic mind), then you are emotionally free and have genuine peace inside.

Then things start happening outside that bring you MORE peace.

The Law is as absolute as gravity – it cannot operate in any other way.

And there is even MORE…

All of the repercussions from the narcissist’s toxic behaviour – that you were unknowingly bringing upon yourself – start leaving you and are returned to sender. The narcissist starts meeting their maker.

Source brings justice, through Quantum Law. it was never within your capacity to do this whilst being in trauma. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this in mine and thousands of other people’s lives. After Letting Go of their internal trauma, things fall into place and the narcissist loses power and capacity – BIG time.

After all, it is a spiritual war that you are in and your winning strategy is Letting Go. ALL of your success comes from there.

Ships come in over smooth waters. Inspiration, synchronicity, support and miracles arise and arrive.

Source – which is Your Higher Self conjoined with you in Oneness – starts replicating in your outer life what you provided for your inner Being by Letting Go. There is space for freedom, success, truth, relief, love, energy, well-being, purpose and your Highest Potential to enter.

 

 

 

 

In Conclusion

I promise you this: when I hung on to the pain it ate me alive and I nearly died. My life is amazing now, ONLY because I Let Go, and continue to do so eternally.

I mean that literally – I will never stop Letting Go. This is why I Thrive. Thank goodness I have become a Letting Go Master, and helped others become the same.

The last few years have not been easy for many people. On a micro and macro scale there is much to Let Go of, and there will be much more to go, in order to truly break free.

I love the term Radical Forgiveness; it is another term for Letting Go. It doesn’t mean that you condone what happened to you. It means that you have set yourself free from it and let Source step in to handle everything, as it should be.

This doesn’t mean that you just say sing Kumbaya and ‘do’ nothing. You may stand up, take action, go to court, or do whatever it is that you feel called to do.

But remember the KEY – your super-weapon – is Letting Go. If you have handed over what ailed you, you are NOT in toxicity. You are clean, clear, effective and empowered.

Watch a False Self crumble when you take action when in Oneness with Source.

Radical forgiveness just happens as a result of Letting Go. It is organic and does not need to be directly strived for.

No longer in Quantum Healing do we say “I need to forgive Joe.” Rather, we say “I need to let go of the trauma inside of me related to Joe”. Then personal freedom, passage to your magnificent self and the best life you could imagine happens all by itself. Looking back at Joe, there is no emotional charge, no longing, no missing, no guilt, no regrets, no resentment and no pangs whatsoever about anything to do with him.

He doesn’t own your soul, and he is not your reality.

Then you know you have Let Go. You have achieved Radical Forgiveness. You have learned, elevated, healed and spiritually graduated. You have learned what it is to lose the small victimised self and claim your Higher Self, as the True Self and Life that you really were born to live.

Now… feel into hanging on.

Can you feel now how much this really, REALLY sucks?

I want to help you get out of this prison that nearly all of humanity are sadly stuck in. NARP has a whole Module (Module 3) with an intensive Workbook dedicated to Quantum Forgiveness. It’s beyond powerful. If you struggle with Letting Go, as many have said, “There is nothing that gave me the release like Module 3 did!”

Every other Module in NARP Lets Go of specific traumas, and every shift within the Modules re-programes you to accept and embody the Highest most Powerful part of you.

This is why NARP genuinely heals you like no other Program we know about!

So if you want to go Quantum with healing, because you are SICK of battling pain, then I can’t recommend NARP enough for you. Let me show you how to quickly and easily Let Go – if you WANT this!

As always, I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below.

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Commments (26) + Leave a comments

26 thoughts on “Hanging On To Pain vs Letting It Go

  1. Hi Mel,

    Thank you for giving “forgiveness” another name: “letting go”. I’ve had a hard time forgiving someone who has caused so much pain, but “letting go” I can do, and have done with your help and the NARP modules.

    Thank you,
    Mary Ellen

    1. Hi Mary and Mel

      I was going to write the same thing. Thank you Mary for your reaction and Mel for the article! Very inspiring!

      Manon

  2. Dear Mel,

    This article is so inspiring. I have been NARPing for two years and I still struggle with codependency and learning to focus on myself. It is a sloooowwwww, gradual process. To detach from my ego´s story and focus on my inner wounds.

    The phrase that caught my attention the most was that we take the other person´s karma for them, when we don´t let go. That really makes me want to get rid of trauma, rumination and all of that!

    What phrase would you suggest in order to shift and let go of narcs, abusers and other people’s karma?

    Thank you!

    Lots of love,
    Nury

    1. Hi Nury,

      please know Dear Lady it is slow, when we don’t do the healing enough – and much faster when remembering to!

      So awesome that you are inspired to Let Go now!

      Nury I’m not one who believes in phrases – rather just going inside with healings and loading up, releasing and replacing what hurts with the Light.

      Anything else is really – head work – trying to convince ourselves into healing, rather than just healing.

      I hope that this makes sense.

      Much Love to you

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  3. It is uncanny how your article popped up JUST at the right time and place for me!!!!! It is as if I am hearing it in a new form. My whole body absolutely resonates with switching from “I need to forgive Joe” to “I need to let go of the trauma inside of me related to Joe”. WOW!!!!! Game changer. Love to you!!!

  4. This article was enlightening. I parted ways with a narcissist in 2009, he used to call or email approx every 6 weeks, even though I’m sure he had another victim already. The contact is farther apart now, approx every 6 months, but still after almost 15 years it always sets me back. I always turn him away by demanding he return my money and my furniture. But after this article I understand better now what the real reason for the contact is, he wants to see if I am still suffering – which is what he wants. My suffering makes him feel omnipotent.

  5. Dear Melanie!
    Thank you for the wonderful explanation of how we need to Let Go and how this is relative to living in a deeper emotional state….

    In one of my studies of spirituality it was indicated that this process was necessary, i.e., without me living in a higher/deeper emotional place within I will remain identified or bound to ALL that is keeping me “asleep” and will experience continued bondage to things, people and places and in this case to a narcissist and the narcissists antics….

    It was challenging then and continues to be challenging to find that safe place within that is consistent and potentially ever present!

    As I scrolled through this article I loved how you unraveled and so clearly showed us how imperative it is to do this, i.e. to LET GO of those things no longer of value to us …so we can get there, to that Sacred, Holy inner place….

    Recently I was given a challenge by one of the moderators to go through ALL the modules and find one or more than one that resonate…. for this particular topic (today’s Thriver article) I’m thinking that M/7 is my place to go follwed up by M/10…

    That “feels” right!!! 🌻

    Thanks for your most inspirational way of always saying things and as is so often I so appreciate when you share your personal journey with your healing…

    Much gratitude and much love, Melanie!
    ❤️🦋❤️

    1. Hi Peter,

      you have expressed this so well – the understanding of this ..

      When you say “It was challenging then and continues to be challenging to find that safe place within that is consistent and potentially ever present!” … the piece to realize is that the place within does not feel safe until the trauma has been Let Go of – and then it will.

      It comes back to the whole “ice cream on top of poop” scenario – trying to put the good stuff in, and keep it anchored down, when the poop still is wedged inside, underneath it.

      It’s just not possible.

      The indication of not having a safe place within means you are hanging on to trauma and haven’t let it go yet.

      Less thinking more shifting my Dear Peter!

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  6. Dear Melanie,
    I want to thank you for sharing your wisdom with me and so many other people. It is truly life-changing-and to see the straight unassailable truth staring back at you after searching for answers for so long.

    As you well know, many of us have studied and studied and tried to figure things out with our minds-a common mistake-feels like an endless hamster on a wheel. Your sharing your unique perspective and experience with trauma and recovery is a major gift. Thank you for your dedication and passion for your work. We see you giving 100% of yourself from a genuine, compassionate place. We may still have a lot of work to do-but you continually bring us back to the truth of the matter-thank you. 🙂

    1. Hi Christina,

      please know how welcome you are, and your recognition of my work is very appreciated.

      I really do love serving and being a part of this incredible Community!

      Love and blessings to you Christina

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  7. I can’t tell you enough how timely your articles and videos are. They are almost always in perfect synchronicity with what I’m feeling at that exact moment. And today is one of these moments. I’m in a neuter state inside. The joy and excitement about projects and the future is not there anymore. Inside I’m devoided of the sweet anticipation I was living in before I didn’t listen to the warnings of God about a spirit of death that wanted to creep in my atmosphere. I dismissed the signs as being just my own perception of things, not giving credit to them because I deemed them having no real sense ; and it has cost me the death of my pet. I can hardly deal with the indignation towards myself for not seeing the clear signs of what was coming and not having properly attended to a creature that was depending on my care.
    I was so diswraugth that I even rejected the sweet comfort and consolation God was providing to my soul in such a supernatural and powerful way. And, not only that, I frustrated His plans, because right then it was the time so long awaited where He was providing all the conditions for me to buy the apartment of my dreams. I had been waiting and preparing for this for years and now, a month from the actual fulfillment of my dream, I not only miss His perfect time (kairos) but I bring upon myself a load of misery, where I only exist every day.

    1. Hi Patricia,

      please know how welcome you are.

      I’m so sorry that you are still going through the pain and trauma of this.

      I want you to have hope that you can shift beyond and break free into lifeforce and a healthy and happy spirit again .. even after how what you have been through and how you feel (which is so consistent after n-abuse).

      Please check out this upcoming workshop of mine – I know how much it can help you heal

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freedom.htm

      Sending you love and healing

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  8. My Narc Ex husband died a little over a year ago. Our son and I have conversations talking about all the various things the guy did while he was alive. Our son said it best: “He was an a-hole wasn’t he?”. I laughed and said “Yes!” I have had many horrible people in my life over the past several years, from the Narc ex husband to positively the worst criminal neighbors imaginable. I view it as peeling away the layers and getting rid of what no longer works (or has never worked) for me. I am finally able to sleep at night, currently thriving and looking forward to an even brighter future. I hope everyone in this community does the same. Thank you.

    1. OMG MELANIE. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GET PAST THE PAIN UNTIL I READ THIS. YOU REALLY HAVE OPENED A NEW WAY OF HANDLING THIS PROBLEM. WITH YOUR HELP, I AM NOW FREE! THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

  9. Hello there beautiful lady
    Such perfect timing as always. Can’t believe I got triggered this am by one of my incredible sons. Then your article came up in my email. Had the time today to follow through which is unusual.
    Thanks for rephrasing and reframing. Letting go makes sense.
    Love you and thank you for all you do and all you are
    Sheryl.
    PS …. Working on project like a crazy woman. Recording today and setting up links.

  10. Thank you yet again Melanie, for presenting this illuminated permission to Let Go. I heard this language used a lot growing up within a hippie community, but it never meant exactly what you have said here. It’s a blessing for me to reclaim this language. All praise to God.

    Looking forward to the upcoming workshops! For the first year ever, I’m decorating my bach-pad for solo Valentines’s day with cake…Why not?! LOL

    I’m NARP-ing along, shifting everyday and have had some incredible releases of ‘injury’ in my lower-back I had attributed to working as a Tiler a couple years ago…shifted out the belief that I have to ‘work hard’ or ‘hurt myself’ (with work or addictions) for people to love me…and the love and softness just flooded into my physical back, and into my ‘attitude,’ or ‘way of looking at things, that has made it even easier to LOVE my unhealed other parts that are calling out for attention. I’m really loving the LOVE…

    Love and Light to everyone!

    1. Hi Fiona,

      it’s my pleasure!

      I love your solo celebration for Valentine’s Day – totally gorgeous!

      Fabbo regarding your back – that’s awesome.

      You should be so proud of your Thriving dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  11. I’m struggling to let go because…

    I feel like it would mean somehow leaving part of me behind…Like this version of me that has been in pain for years…I want justice for her. I feel like I’d be leaving part of myself behind without having resolved things.

    But since there is nothing I can do, since I have no evidence…I keep feeling angry and in despair and heartbroken and powerless.

    And I don’t know if me letting go will really mean that my ex faces consequences. I don’t know if I believe in these things. How do you know for sure?

    But I’m going to try. Whenever I feel pain and anger, I’ll offer it up. I want to let go of the trauma. I want to feel free and at peace.

    Thank you for sharing.

    1. Hi D,

      those reasons for struggling to let go make so much sense!

      But … there is nothing else to do in order to go free.

      Then … the results come. But do they need to, to feel whole – no! That happened as a result of JUST letting go.

      If they do it’s a bonus.

      If you want a big kick start and support to this, I can’t recommend enough – coming into my next online global workshop ..

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freedom.htm

      I hope that this helps

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

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