Discover Your True Essence After Narcissistic Abuse

When we’re caught up in a relationship with a narcissist we do all we can to force them to be decent enough to understand that they need to change.

What we’re really after is for them to change so we can get love, approval, survival and security from them.

But they don’t change. They just give us more of the same punishment and abuse they always have.

Yet I firmly believe that this narcissistic experience, no matter how horribly it plays out, is a passage – a deeply spiritual and profound passage.

My latest Thriver TV video is about discovering your true essence after narcissistic abuse. And, trust me, this is such an interesting journey because what is on the other side of a relationship with an unavailable and abusive person will truly surprise you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I’m going to talk about your true essence and finding the true you after narcissistic abuse. We’re going to go through what is the real you, how you get there and how do you hold onto it? So stay tuned, because we’re going to go through all of this.

Before I get into today’s video, I just wanted to let you know about my upcoming 10-week program, starting in May, which is called Thrive. It’s for you if you’re still struggling with recovering, and if you’re not yet Thriving after abuse, you might be on the Thriving scale, let’s say, a two out of 10, or a five out of 10, or even an eight out of 10.

If you want to really break through, then Thrive is going to help you get there. Because each week, in this brand new program, we’re going to be doing highly interactive breakthrough workshops and really powerful group Quanta Freedom Healings. These are always massively powerful in a group, those of you who have experienced it know, plus live Q&As and heaps more, to help you finally heal your trauma and any stubborn blocks that are stopping you from truly Thriving and breaking through into your true after- abuse potential.

You can find out all the details and register your spot at melanietoniaevans.com/thrive. Or you can see the details in the show notes.

Let’s get into today’s session, today’s video, about discovering your true essence after narcissistic abuse. This is such an interesting journey. You really could liken it to having to experience what you’re not to become who you really are.

We could also say that this is a passage, a deeply spiritual, profound passage, not unlike carbon under incredible pressure and heat, which becomes a diamond, or grit in a shell that turns an oyster into a pearl.

I personally so believe that the alchemic passage, if narcissistic abuse is the hero or heroine’s journey from a false life with a false self, into a true self and a true life.

 

A False Self A False Life

I want to talk about the false self and the false life. We hadn’t realized that when we were all connected to somebody who was a false source, and we were trying to get love, approval and survival and security through a false source, that we’re really susceptible of being connected to false selves.

These are the people in our lives who were meant to give us love, approval, survival, and security, such as a parent, and as adults, we may think that this person is the answer to our prayers. They’re going to bring, into our life, that validation or that love, or that approval that we haven’t had yet. When we’re with a false source, what happens is, we’re getting hurt, yet we hang on. We try to fix it.

And really, what’s happening is, we’re trying to get a person that doesn’t have desire, who doesn’t have capacity – that’s a narcissist – it’s somebody that’s unavailable and abusive.

We’re trying to force them to get well, to be decent enough to understand that they need to change, so that we can get the love and approval and survival and security from them. But they don’t change.

What happens is they get worse. Our emotions, what’s happening to the Soul assault within ourselves gets worse, and everything starts to break down. Regardless of what we’re trying to get to happen, and the effort we’re putting into that, we actually feel less love, less approval. We have devastating emotions, health, and finances.

Everything in our life starts to suffer, including those, and which we care about and we’re passionate about. And our connection with peace and wholeness evaporates. Why is this happening? It’s happening because we’re not living our true essence and our true life.

 

What Is Our True Essence?

What is our true essence? It’s a connection to Source, and it doesn’t matter what your level of spirituality or religion is. What I personally believe, that a connection to our higher power – whatever you want to call that for you – is about recognizing your true power and your true essence, your higher self, your higher potential, your super-conscious.

It’s an understanding that you’re a child of God, you’re a child of Source, you’re a child of this higher infinite wisdom and power, whatever you want to call it. When we move forward into Quantum healing, and the understanding of wanting to be an incredible Quantum being, which is our birthright, it’s our code of truth without trauma.

We understand that this is a connection to true Source, and where we’re connected to true Source, which is this Life Force, which is this infinite wisdom, which is this “all that is” – it means that we can be connected to self and life in healthy ways.

When we don’t know that connection and that truth and that power of ourselves, we’re actually out on a limb, disconnected from the true power Source, the true love Source, the true oneness Source, the true wisdom Source.

When we’re out on that limb, we’re snapped off from the oneness and the orchestrated dance of the Universe, which is a connection to that well-being, that information, that solution, that synchronicity, that support, and that miracle. We’re in battle, because we’re snapped off.

Then, what happens is, we have a feeling of insecurity and anxiety, or an uncomfortableness and emptiness within ourselves. We feel like there’s something missing, and there is something missing – that connection.

Then what happens is, we start looking to false idols, false sources to get ourselves. And how this goes is – I’m not whole, and I’m not at one with my higher power.

I’m feeling anxious, empty or insecure, and I’m trying to get power from outside of myself through a false Source. And this can all be very deeply unconscious, because this can be our normal, until we rectify this. We haven’t known any different.

What’s happening is, when we’re disconnected from Source, we’re not healing, we’re not upgrading, we’re not upleveling. We’re not moving with that infinite power Source of wisdom and well-being. We’re stuck with our unmet, unhealed parts.

Yet when we do turn inwards to self-partner and heal, which means releasing that trauma, and bringing in our higher self, our higher consciousness, our super conscious, who we really are at our truest essence – because that’s what it is – which is true Source, which is true Source relationship with self.

We start to then build and recover as a True Self. We have access to our truth of feelings, which is confidence, well being, wholeness, and knowing that everything is okay even if we can’t see it physically – it starts from within.

We have access to opportunities and unfoldings, that match more of that True Self knowing, feeling, and resonance. It’s only from there that we can actually access our true life, which is a connection to the highest and the best potential for us, and those things organically, as our coded truth that awaits us are love, expansion, success, and our true actualized life.

 

What Is Our True Essence?

So how does narcissistic abuse get us to experience our true essence? From the deepest darkness is where we mine our greatest gold. It’s where we claim our greatest lives. When we turn inwards to self-partner, and do the inner work to release our trauma, and reclaim self, true self, this is when we move out of the darkness and into the light.

Generally, we do this when there is no other option. That’s part of the human experience. We self-avoid, we self-reject, we self-abandon, we do everything out there, we do nothing in there, until we have no other choice.

Narcissistic abuse is so like that. It’s such a make or break deal, because when we’re hit with narcissistic abuse, so many of us have realized that we just can’t get up and get on with it. We used to be able to in the past, and this time we can’t. We feel too broken. We feel too lifeless.

We have too much anxiety, depression, PTSD, all of the things in our body screaming, “Let’s just not get on with this. We need to turn inwards, and deal with this.” That’s why narcissistic abuse is such a make or break deal.

 

Buddha’s Tale

And I love the tale about Buddha, which is something like this.

Three men went to Buddha, and they said, “Where is our salvation? Where’s our divinity? We really want it, we’re going to go find it. Give it to us. Where is it?”

And Buddha said, “Okay, go search. Go look. Just go look, and then come back.” So one of them went to the highest mountains, couldn’t find divinity. One of them roamed every corner of the earth, and the other one went into the deepest crevices in the ocean.

They all came back empty handed, and they said to Buddha, “We couldn’t find our divinity anywhere.” Buddha said, “I wanted you to exhaust every single avenue before I could tell you the truth, because you wouldn’t have accepted it.”

They said, “Okay, all right, we’re exhausted. We’ve tried everything. What is it?” And Buddha said, “Turn within. It was within you all along.”

So the real question is, have you had enough of the pain? Have we had enough of the pain? Because the Quantum awakening is – so within, so without. We understand that our composition within on any particular topic, whether we have aligned, empowered whole feelings or not, is showing us our programming.

If we still have triggers, if we still have traumas, if we have fears, if we have insecurities, if we have unhealed, unmet inner wounds, well, then we need to turn inwards and do the inner work. Otherwise the formula, the Quantum formula, is absolute as gravity is going to keep playing out.

So within, so without, and people say, “What does that mean?” It means whatever’s going on inside of you is what’s going to show up outside of you.

What is the inner work? The inner work is about tracking the painful emotions. And we know them, through the triggers that we’re getting continually hit with, and the narcissistic abuse, and after that, they’re erupting constantly, so they’re there, turning inwards to meet them, loading them up, releasing them and reprogramming them.

Then what happens is, we shift how we feel about that thing. You go back to the memory, you go back to the thought. And it’s like you’re thinking about somebody else. You’re no longer personally triggered. The program’s no longer inside of you.

It means you’ve upleveled, you’ve graduated. You have changed. You’re no longer on that frequency. So when you understand Quantum laws, so within, so without, this means that you’re healing within, rather than trying to put ice cream on top of poop.

What I mean with that is, that if you still have the traumas within, which is the poop, and you try to put the good stuff on top, it’s just going to melt away, and you just end up with sloppier poop. It doesn’t work.

We have to tackle the poop, clean it up and out, and get free from it. Then we can add all the ice cream we want. Organic healthy ice cream, of course.

 

How To Actualize Your True Self

How do you actualize your True Self?

It means to meet self. It means to self-partner, it means to turn inwards, with love and fascination and devotion, rather than self-rejection, self-abuse, self-abandonment, self-criticism, even self-loathing. It means drop all of that, and turn inwards, with love and dedication and compassion. Heal. Release yourself from all that is not the true you.

It’s so empowering to understand that everything you’ve been carrying and everything that’s happened to you, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that you’re carrying trauma, and it is just trauma.

It’s just an energy, and I’m not minimalizing what you or I went through. It was horrific. But at the end of the day, it’s trauma energy, that just needs to be addressed.

It just needs to be released and replaced, and then, it just won’t be there. But if we leave it there, and you try to blame and shame, and law of attraction yourself into shape, it doesn’t work.

Rather, what does work is turning inwards to free yourself from the inside out, releasing the trauma, get the True Self then to enter. As trauma releases, True Self enters, wisdom, power, self-love, fearlessness, presence, courage, expansion, and so much more organically arises, because this is who you are naturally without your trauma.

You don’t have to learn to be these things. That’s who you are. That is what your ascension and graduation out of the False Self, which is the trauma that’s not you, and the false light, and the false idols that you’ve been attaching to, to come back to your power, your True Self, your true life, your connection to true Source, and aspects and people that represent more at the same.

This is where well being and life can flow through you as you and you are literally God Source, Godding, Sourcing, whatever you want to call it. I want you to feel what I’ve just said.

I want you to pause this video, and let me know if you cellularly feel this. I’m talking to your Being. And maybe you need to watch this a couple of times, to just let the words and let these concepts flow through you, try and put your mind out of the way, and just open up and feel them. Because it’s your body that knows the truth, not our overactive mind that makes up stories.

Does it make sense? Have you already been on the journey of letting go of who you’re not, to become who you really are? Or if you haven’t, do you now know that that will be the key to your True Self, and your true life?

 

In Conclusion

If this really resonates with you, and you feel that calling inside you, that your true self and your true life is waiting for you to be unleashed, then I would love to help you do this in the most powerful and organic way possible.

That’s why I created Thrive, which is coming up soon, because it is such a hands-on program to really help you shift out of that False Self, false life, into True Self, true life.

I’m offering now that opportunity to work closely with me and my team for 10 weeks in this abuse recovery program, that’s the most hands-on one we’ve ever done to date.

It’s going to help you find and unlock your barriers to rise into your true life quickly and powerfully, where you’re not struggling, and trying to put ice cream on top of poop, but where you are truly Thriving.

So click here, with the link that appears on the screen for all of the info. Or check out the show notes, so that you can register before the spots to this event, to this program fill up.

I’d love you to remember just before I close out, please remember to like my videos, and this one, if you love it. Subscribe and share with somebody if you know it can help them.

And as always, I look forward to your comments and your questions below.