Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending and many people are shocked at how hard it is to recover and reclaim your mind, body and life.
Obsessive thoughts can continually haunt them so they feel like they have been taken over by a hideous emotional virus.
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain how this happened, as well as how to take your power back to not only emerge from this as healed, whole and vibrant …
But also, completely inoculated against this ever happening to you again in the future.
Video Transcript
Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending.
Being hit by a narcissist is akin to being hit by a freight train. So many people are shocked to discover that they simply cannot get up off the ground and just get on with life anymore.
I know that is likely to have been your experience as well.
And, it is terrifying how much your brain feels scrambled.
The obsessive thoughts continually haunt you and you feel like you have been infected with a hideous emotional virus that literally takes over your nervous system and ability to function.
In addition to this, so many areas of your life may be under siege and falling apart.
Narcissists commonly destroy people’s lives and literally rip them to pieces emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. The effects of this also impact everyone and everything that is dear to you.
This is a total breakdown experience that no one could even begin to imagine unless they have been through it themselves.
Alright, so before we delve deeper into exactly how narcissists destroy your life, as well as how you can recover from this, I want to thank all of you for supporting my Thriver Mission.
And, if you haven’t yet subscribed I’d like to remind you to please do. Also, please give this episode a thumbs up if you enjoy it.
Now let’s go deeper with this information today.
How Do Narcissists Get In?
Narcissists are highly skilled at infiltrating your mind, emotions, soul and life.
How do they do this?
I really hope that you are ready to hear this with openness and the desire to heal from narcissistic abuse for real. Because the truth really does set us free, when we accept it.
100% I validate that narcissists are predators who are on the lookout for sources of supply, meaning they are after what they can take from people. And it is shocking what they do. Yet, it is a fallacy that a narcissist can abuse just anybody.
As was the case in my life, and so many others, we did not, as yet, have a solid enough Inner Identity to have powerful boundary function. Meaning the ability to trust ourselves, speak up, say no when necessary, and be emotionally whole and powerful enough to do the necessary due diligence before letting somebody into our life.
This provided a way in. It was a crack in our integrity of self. Narcissists are skilled at identifying where your boundaries aren’t solid and capitalising on this.
This is how narcissists do this – they sum you up and they fact find. They know how to discover what it is that you feel still hurts in your life, what is missing, or whatever it is that you believe you can’t generate for yourself.
Now, all the narcissist has to do is position themselves as the granter or saviour of this “missing piece”. Then we feel like we can trust them. Then we even feel like we need them. We may even feel like this is the person we’ve been waiting for our entire life.
This creates a powerful chemical connection to this person.
This is one of the most confronting things that I had to face myself. Yet, it was what finally emancipated me from not just the trauma of my abuse symptoms but granted me the confidence and power to know I would never allow abuse in the future.
What were my susceptibilities, fears and insecurities that made me a prime target for narcissists, and allowed them to get in through my boundary gaps?
The following … I was too trusting of people. I didn’t do my necessary due diligence to firmly ascertain their true character before letting them into my heart, bed, body, businesses and finances.
I was scared of backing my inner warning bells and having the difficult conversations that meant that I might be susceptible to people reacting to my questioning, or boundaries, or rights, meaning that they could reject, abandon or punish me for speaking up.
So many people who have been soul penetrated by narcissists have also carried the fears of C.R.A.P.
I am certainly not alone!
The members of this community, who have become successful Thrivers, have also done their inner inventory and devoted the time and effort to heal up those parts of themselves, like my own, that made them highly susceptible to unscrupulous people who did not have their best interests at heart.
A dear friend of mine, Cheryl, also suffered some “gaps” that narcissists were able to slip into her life through. Because she didn’t believe she could be safe and uphold boundaries on her own, unconsciously (like so many of us) she wanted somebody big, strong and assertive to do that for her.
As a result, the people who came into her life, were not a rock for her, they turned out to be a hammer instead.
These people were not relieving Cheryl of her inner insecurities, rather they brought her the evidence of them.
It’s so important to understand that this doesn’t mean Cheryl was blaming and shaming herself for being abused, just as she wasn’t excusing narcissistic behaviour.
Rather it granted her the true solution!
By realising this susceptibility, this granted her the personal power to heal these parts of herself to stop handing power over to people who were hurting her. After healing these parts, Cheryl discovered that she no longer felt any attachment or a need to try to change these people, so that they would love and care for her.
Rather, she felt a complete disconnect from them, and absolutely no desire to be with them anymore.
Thus, breaking free into a completely different love and relationship trajectory.
Cheryl is now in a relationship with a beautiful man, who reflects back to her the care, love and power that she has now been able to take full responsibility for and establish within herself. By becoming her own rock, she received the matching partner.
We may not have realised the following, because it has been our “normal” – that we may have unconsciously been trying to get somebody to love us to take away the pain.
Yet, as a match for our unhealed Inner Being, they were only ever going to supply more of the same pain.
This is what narcissists do.
How We Have Been Programmed to Be Exploited
The sensible, healthy adult thing is to do what Cheryl did, heal oneself up in order to achieve the healthy outcome – taking your time to get to know people before committing your emotions, soul and resources to them.
Sadly, so many of us have been indoctrinated into the “fairy tale illusion”. We have been conditioned to be emotionally reckless; believing that getting caught up in the moment is the right thing to do.
I often jokingly say that I used to put more effort into choosing a pair of shoes than a love relationship.
In many ways, this was true and very frightening!
I was incredibly susceptible to love bombing and someone purporting to be the provider of what I wanted. If a potential partner was tall, charismatic, and intelligent and seemed to empathise with me feeling unseen, unheard and unsafe, then I really used to believe that I’d hit the jackpot!
We believe in love at first sight! We believe in an instant bond with our soulmate!
But what we may not realise is these deep chemical attractions can be a deep inner part of us desiring the resolution of our childhood wounds. The wanting of our mother or father to do it differently than what they did.
Here is the grand dichotomy in all of this – the person who appears in our life, who we feel chemically bonded to, is offering the promise of taking away the pain of our unresolved childhood wounds. Yet, as it turns out, they end up being the person who delivers an even more severe level of the trauma of our childhood wounds.
At first, we are not initially awakened enough to realise what is really going on, and why we are experiencing such a powerful chemical hit and attraction. Generally, we simply fall straight into this relationship, because it feels so “right”.
Plus, people in your life are telling you to get out there and meet somebody new. You may feel the stigma of being un-partnered or unmarried. Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking away and you need to find somebody to settle down with to start a family.
Or maybe you have seen your ex-partner move on quickly and feel the desperate injustice that you haven’t been able to yet.
It is only conscious and evolving people who will tell you the truth. A healing hiatus is needed with yourself, to change your inner love code and the relationship patterns that have been playing out, so that you can go forward into life experiencing a completely different reality.
And what it takes is this: to become at one, whole and fulfilled within yourself first.
Sadly, our programming has always kept us separated from the taking back of our power with radical personal responsibility, to get out of this terrible pattern.
Rather, we have been programmed to be victims and blame people who have hurt us, and then try to change them so that they can love us healthily.
And, we can jump up and down and exclaim that it is disgusting that people behave like this. But in no way does this allow us to heal and get better and get out of these patterns. All it does is further entrench us in them.
And when it doesn’t work, we may try to find somebody else to take the pain away. And then discover that often we are falling into the same pattern and meeting the same person, just with a different face.
If you are sick and tired of these quick fixes which don’t provide durable happiness, you may be ready to understand that only one truth will suffice. You must turn inwards to heal your relationship with yourself, and only you can do that.
One of the benefits of narcissistic relationships, as brutal as they are, is that they bring us to our knees to realise this. And this is where personal catharsis can begin.
The real truth is, as adults we are responsible for our own boundaries, it is not anybody else’s job. We are not children anymore. If we hand our power away and blindly expect somebody else to look after our well-being, emotions, boundaries and life-force, then we are highly susceptible to being not just taken advantage of, but also horribly abused and even desecrated.
Such is the case with narcissistic abuse.
How The Damage Deepens
Because the narcissist purports to be the person who will finally love us like no other and grants us our wholeness, this creates a powerful and quick bond.
Sooner or later the mask will drop. The mirage can’t continue, and the narcissistic behaviour starts to appear.
Far from being the saviour of our deficiencies, insecurities or things in our life that we feel like we can’t generate for ourselves, the narcissist now switches and starts attacking these things.
So, the person who was loving, romantic and truly was seeing you and being there for you, now starts emotionally and literally criticising, rejecting, abandoning and punishing you.
He or she will start messing with your head and emotions and start sucking resources from your life. The entitlement becomes apparent; the relationship becomes less about you and so much more about what the narcissist is or isn’t getting.
By remaining attached, you will be trauma bonded beyond description, fighting with insanity trying to get sanity, safety and comfort. Yet, every time you try to force the narcissist to be healthy, they will line you up and damage you even more ferociously.
Now you’re on a sinking ship, trying to salvage what you can, whilst the toxic levels of trauma and stress in your being reach a critical mass, breaking down your nervous system health, sanity and emotional structures until you literally feel like you are crumbling.
Your capacity to be able to deal with virtually anything becomes severely diminished.
Narcissistic abuse, before awakening to the truth, is a one-way trip to your personal demise, on so many levels and can even become extremely dangerous for you personally, as well as seriously impacting those you love.
What is the lesson in this?
At the Quantum Truth level, the message is clear – “Let go and heal”, that’s what this soul contract was always about.
How To Reverse This
There is no way you can engage with a narcissist and get relief and emancipation from this.
True evolution from this is an inside job.
The narcissist is not your solution. You are, and this requires detaching, facing and doing the necessary healing within yourself.
This is a make or break deal.
If you really get this now and understand, please pause this video and write below, “I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”
This is vital, because the breakdown either continues and increases, or the breakdown transforms into an incredible breakthrough of personal evolution – where you can heal and claim your true essence which is: self-love, self-worth and the sanctity of your own soul, emotions and life.
I hope that this has helped you understand how the narcissist has, or does, rip your life apart, and has started to grant you the hope that there is a true solution to get up and out of this.
I really want you to know that there is a definitive way to heal and release yourself from all of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, as well as never being susceptible to having your soul, heart and life torn to pieces again.
It is such a beautiful feeling when you realise that you have made it through to this level!
I can’t wait to help you get there!
The best way that I can help you get there, is by you joining my Free Masterclass. If you didn’t make it, you can watch the replay, by clicking this link.
I can’t recommend enough that you do this!
Because in this free event you will learn about the exact step-by-step process, which has proven successful for thousands of people from over 120 different countries, to help you make a full Thriver Recovery too.
And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and please know that if you subscribe to my channel, you will be automatically notified when my two new episodes are released each week.
And as always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.
I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour
Hi Melisa,
That’s so awesome for you!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hello Melanie. I have a friend that’s being a bused by a female narcissist and he seems to believe that if he leaves no one would believe he was the victim, she has been abusing him emotionally and recently it has turned into physical abuse it’s gotten to a point where she’s tried to stab him and yet he still won’t leave, she’s threatening him with regards to his business which he has a lot to lose and his business partner as well so he is trying to protect that, however how do I get him to see that his life is more important than anything else she is going to kill him
Am ready to turning inward and becoming my own savior
I’m turning inward and becoming my OWN True Savior NOW‼️
You go Renee!
Bless you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Renee says: January 23, 2020 at 12:08 pm
I’m turning inward and becoming my OWN True Savior NOW‼️
I’m turning inward to become my own true saviour now!
That’s so great Pelagia!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Your e-mails are greatly appreciated and I’m on my to healing. I’m kicking down his roadblocks and working on my freedom!
Hi
Please advise of the cost of subscribing.
Kind regards.
Karen
Hi Karen,
A subscription to my channel Is free, so is signing up to my newsletter http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
Great podcast
Hi Jerrina,
I’m so glad that you enjoyed it
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am turning inward to become my own true Saviour NOW!
i am turning inward to become my own true savior now!
Love this Lisa!
Bless you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel
After self reflection and insights as I have matured this has given me a lot of relief. I was abused almost 2 decades ago and I have learned to cope with the symptoms of aftershock and ptsd etc. Even though I have the maturity to make sense of the senseless and reasons for the abuse the knowing just does not undo it as the trauma returns in weird ways. I had no boundaries at 22 or 25 and only learned them practically after 35 but they were done from an unhealed centre not total truth. Reading many books helped but after so many other modalities tried for 10 years I am still out of my body and living in my head. Reiki has helped but not a total solution after that level of abuse and especially after severe historical abuse either be it in childhood or later. I think abuse from sociopaths at that level is a catharsis and you have to have gone through it to relate. My childhood was filled with so much trauma and it only got harder so I get it.
Thanks
Paula
So why don’t you do Narp…..then all that trauma can be healed. Nothing else works like Narp…..
Hi Paula,
I’m so pleased that you do get it. It is such an uphill battle when the trauma is still wedged in your Inner Being.
Paula have you listened to my free masterclass? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
It will so grant you a true healing solution. It is your time to heal.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am turning inward to become my own savior
Awesome Linda!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am turning inwards to become my own true saviour now.
Yay Sandra,
I’m so happy for you!
Mel 🙏💕💛
I guess enough now I have been turning inward, trying to be my own true savior, because now I see it’s not to arrive and stop there, no no no. Only to stop certain things, like accepting ignorance of certain unawareness. Right now, after considering saying that I am turning inward to become my true savior, I am able to see that I actually am, right now, “turned inward”, as my own true savior, in fact also the continual becoming of that as well. Over the decades, I’ve been here and there cautioned that inward-turing would be a perverse act upon myself. (“If you go too far you might not be able to come back! God help you,” etc.) And I slightly consciously thought now and then that turning inward too much, somehow getting stuck there, would quickly cinch the total pervert. But now I have a different view of it, perhaps just today having worked deep enough with particular deep trauma and into something velvet and mellow and humbly self-knowing that I will call self-contact, making me wonder if this being with myself in this self-contact is my first truly qualify-able experience of the state of being “self-partnered”, especially because right now it feels factual to say that I am my own true savior, herein, and that I want my self to continue to be that, and that I am willing to do so. But I must say it has taken and continues to take the seeking, trying and following my application of the guidance that I have since long ago sought and have very gradually become ready for. An additional necessity for this has been my own spontaneously opportunistic externalization of the results of the internal healing. Melanie, by your creation of NARP, you have been there for me through to this point as of a year ago. You were there, fully set up and outfitted in cyberspace, when I was ready to step into what you offer (self-savior-ship at a good price for those who are ready, even if they don’t know what it is), which was the only need left at that moment, since I felt I didn’t know what (else) to do (as you similarly described happened to you one fine day — but different). So I very soon I found NARP, and I said, I just spent about the same amount of money on something relatively much much more transient in value. So, yeah I joined. So I also celebrate the space of that one little step — one of so many others before it, through what has been a glorious, even if “narcissistic abuser-inhabited”, jungle. May we all realize its deep “secrets” (those things we’re ignorant of even being unaware of), in peace. Seems they are deceptively empowering, and neither over- or under-whelming. Just right.
Hi Michman,
It’s true this is a life journey of being self-partnered.
In the old paradigms absolutely if we turned inwards and got mired in it, and kept doing all the psychology on it, and thinking about it, rather than just loading up the trauma that is generating the terrible thoughts and feelings and release and replace it, yes then we would get stuck in it with no way out.
That way of healing, which I used to do too, before Quanta Freedom Healing, is a hamster wheel!
I am so pleased for you Michman that you are starting to feel the feelings of being “with self”. I would really urge you to just have your focus on going to the inner trauma in your body, loading it up and releasing it with NARP modules and don’t think about it much further than that. Then rather than trying to “arrive”, you will just organically be experiencing the feelings of less trauma in your body, which naturally creates organic wholeness and well-being.
The thing is Michman, you don’t need to strive to be anything at all, such as at peace. You already are that Being without your trauma, which has been generating so much thoughts and strategy trying to find a way to get back there. There is no need to get back to anything, the only path that is necessary is to release the trauma that hasn’t been allowing you to be Who you really are.
I’m so glad that you are on this journey, excavating all that is the way, to uncover your just Isness.
Keep going Michman with your NARP modules, and the less you need to decipher it, the easier it will be for you. It will all just start to land powerfully.
One of the greatest mottos with NARP is this: less thinking, more shifting!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m turning inward to become my OWN true saviour, with the help of my higher power!
Beautiful Vicki,
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
After 35 years of marriage to a covert passive aggressive narcissist. I’m in so much emotional & physical pain atm. This too shall pass once I can stand up again!….
Hi Vicki,
I can feel your pain but I was in that situation for 42 years and I didn’t have Melanie to help me then but I somehow managed to get through it but it took a long time and I’m only getting to be my own true self in the last 12-18 months since Melanie has come into my life.
You too will get through this, it won’t be easy and at times you’ll want to give up but just hang in there as best you can with Melanie’s help and you’ll come out shining like a ray of sunshine.
Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself first and understand how great you really are.
Hi Vicki,
big hugs to you, you poor thing with dealing with the emotional and physical pain, which is such a symptom of the trauma that has been inflicted on you from the abuse.
I want to know Dear Lady that when you have the way to release the trauma from your Inner Being, that the emotional and physical pain will start to melt away.
I’d love you to watch the replay of my free masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass so that you can get exceptional, and true help with this.
Much love and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Im turning inward to become my own true savior now. I am just astounded with the bullseye truth of how the narcissist agenda plays out – scary ambush.
Hi Cindy,
that’s great that you are going to take your power back and love you to wholeness!
Yes, it pretty much does all go to the same script!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
After having survived a narcissistic partner a year ago, I am now suddenly the target of a new narcissist attacking, this time in a work-related situation! It feels exactly like you say here Melanie. This guy has even himself admitted to be a narcissist, and now going through horrendously conscienceless and insane attacks, bullying and lies and inciting a group of people against me, just because he was denied of getting something he wanted.
I am now in No Contact mode, but he has lost it completely, and I am afraid he might do something very harmful.
I entered this situation before getting involved with NARP. If I had been radically self-partnering, I would probably not be vulnerable to this insanity, or perhaps I would anyway. In any case, I can see, that using NARP is the way to gain self-control and re-erect my personal boundaries, both mentally and also in action.
I wish you all a lot of help and inner strength, which you can develop through NARP.
Hi Phil,
I am saying situations like this coming into people’s life everywhere!
It truly is a time of boundaries and taking up our back, and being able to move out of fear and stand out and be are authentic selves.
It’s great Phil that you are now working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp because it is key to shift out the traumas getting triggered within you, so that you just keep emerging more and more in your body, as calm, clear and solid.
Then you will know what to do.
Then you will see just how powerless this person really is.
Keep going, you’ve got this!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Your Masterclass Webinar is sensational. You seemed to have truly and honestly answered the questions of how, and why we all got into this situation in the first place. But; most importantly; it seems you also have deep rooted answers and a plan on how we can get out of the situation, too. I so want to do your program, but have difficulty with the only option of credit card payment and the material only available in digital format. Can we pay through PayPal and is it possible to receive the materials in a hard copy format? Please let me know; I particularly like the 66 Thriver Plan Guidebook idea. Thank you once again, Melanie for your honesty and sincere dedication in helping improve so many lost lives that really need the tools and guidelines to have the gift of living the wonderful life we all so were designed to enjoy!!!
Hi Sarah,
thank you and I am so pleased that it resonated deeply with you.
I feel so humbled and honoured that there is a true solution to the trauma of narcissistic abuse, which myself and so many others have been able to fully apply and enjoy, and I have the absolute joy of sharing that with people every day!
The Masterclass is such a powerful way for me to explain it fully. I believe everybody, who wants to heal for real, should watch this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
My suggestion to you Sarah, with your questions, is to get in contact with my wonderful support team at [email protected] and they will give you some options to ensure that you can start healing with NARP, as well as pick up your 66 Day Thriver Plan, as your gift, which is only available in the Masterclass.
I hope this helps and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m turning inward to be my OWN true savior now!!!!
Hi Ashley,
I am so happy for you!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
How did he get in?? That was the question I asked myself over and over and over and over again. I even asked him that.
I hadn’t dated anyone in 26 years -not even looking in anyone’s direction so as to not encourage it. A relationship was the farthest thing from my mind. I was not even remotely considering, wondering, or imagining that step.
And I was living a supremely happy, satisfied, successful, busy, rewarding, lovely life filled with great friends and freedom.
So HOW did he get in?
My life was very safely surrounded by affirmative relationships, grateful patients, admiring colleagues and happy children.
So how did HE get in?
He waited seven months for a first date because my travel schedule just didn’t have me home. I agreed to dinner because he was gorgeous, persistent and I thought maybe I was supposed to be considering including a new marriage in my plans for a full life experience??
After the devastation of trying to understand his nonsense, childishness, incomprehensible actions and then being treated as though he wanted me to think I was not enough, I walked away. I knew I was enough. But that did not prevent the pain. It hurt everywhere. The air hurt. There was nothing but pain and darkness around. I could not access my God.
But God sent me you to validate and explain this other dimension of pain.
You explained that these people where Angels in Disguise. Once I framed it in eternal terms, I was on my way to recovery.
You see, God CAN NOT FAIL. It is impossible for my God to not BE. And if He is then I am totally safe and well.
So I went through the process of accepting the fact that NO NARC WAS EVER in charge of my life. GOD ALONE IS GOD. So if the Narc was allowed to find me etc, it was ultimately for my empowerment.
And my life today is exponentially greater than it was before the experience.
I love deeper. I understand deeper. I absolutely forgive everybody …. Not just the Narc. I am so grateful.
I will forever be grateful that God allowed this experience and that that beautiful man accepted the assignment. I completely bless him.
He got in because God allowed it to show me where I could be perfected in a deeper dimension of life …. Attaining universal LOVE.
There’s nothing here but love, gratitude, and compassion. Not self sufficient anymore, but completely God (higher Self) dependent.
Now I know how to evaluate anyone else that tries to get my time and attention 🤗
Do they validate me? Do they love ME without competition or jealousy?
I wasn’t needy before and certainly not needy now.
Hi Iris,
it is so true that we are always being sculpted by Source to be the most loving person that we can be.
And, where on the divine assignment to release any of our remaining darkness, to bring down and in the anchoring of light for the all.
It’s such a beautiful journey.
I’m so happy that this happened FOR you as well!
Much love to you Iris
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am so happy that you are Narc free; I too was a confident, self supporting strong woman…also a recent widow from a beautiful marriage of 30 years….the crack was somewhere in my foundation…and yes, the air hurts! I hope to become like YOU again. Thank you so much for your comments. I wish you peace, serenity and joy with your continued journey!
I’m so hurt and am in the worst shape of my life. Everything that I loved has been taken from me. I’m not sure how much more I can take. It’s every second on my life. I just hanging on by a thread. I hate my life. I have nobody that can understand what I went through and am still going through. I don’t know where to turn anymore. Please pray for me and help me.
Dear Jon
I’m so sorry for your heart ship – join NARP now!
Write Mels supportteam if you are out of finances, they can help you.
I wish for you to be brave and find clarity and wisdom on your journey.
Best Trine
Hi Jon,
My heart goes out to you, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.
Please know that there is a way through, and I would love you to watch the replay of free masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass Tto learn about NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and how a true and full recovery can happen for you.
I promise you that so many of us, myself included, have felt as devastated and depleted as you do now. And we absolutely did make it out the other side.
Sending you love, strength and healing
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now.
Hi Amy,
that’s wonderful!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am dealing with a narcissist ex wife. We have 6 kids. Our youngest child has a nonverbal learning disability. My ex wife is not only taking his social security disability money and spending on drugs and alcohol, she is denying him any therapy, education, medical and dental, she’s refusing to vaccinate the children. She goes out if her way to block me from getting him help but makes no effort to do anything for him on her own. In a recent visit to the pediatrician, she was scolded and eventually the doctor told her to leave and find another doctor, for failing to follow doctors recommendations regarding the health and well being of the child and refusing to vaccinate. Then my ex leaves her with a form to fill out so she can continue to receive his disability money.
Hi Dean,
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
Dean I cannot recommend enough that you Check out my free masterclass recording to see how you can take your power back and have some effect in this situation.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💛
There is something I don’t understand – if we have a soul contract with the narcissist which, if I understand it correctly, is really a gift in the sense that they show up in our lives to help show us what we need to fix, then why would they get to face negative karma consequences in the future as outlined in another one of your articles? Wouldn’t the consequence of their behaviour, as evil as it is, be rewarded more than punished if they were here in our lives to ‘help’ us wake up to the bits of ourselves that need healing. Can you explain this seeming contradiction please – I hope my question makes sense. Thank you in advance
Hi Karyne,
This is big conversation, and it takes some explanation.
That’s exactly what my masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclasses is about
That is my highest recommendation to you to help you understand.
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
Oh dear Mel, I’ve only just seen your answer and now I can’t access the masterclass you so nicely recommended- can I get access or info to it another way? Sorry about this- hope you can help, thanks again for all you do.
Much love, Karyne
Hi Karyne,
Maybe the link I gave you wasn’t quite correct. Can you try this one http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
If you are still having a problem please email one of my lovely staff members at [email protected] and they will help connect you!
I hope this helps
Much love to you too Karyne and please know it’s my pleasure.
Mel 🙏💕💛
“I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”. I’ve been doing it for a while, but today with renewed enthusiasm ! Its been hard to get the space I need with there being child contact to deal with and my family who think I was making mountains out of molehills when I left him. Now I’m not looking for them to validate me anymore and thanks to Mels articles I trust I will fully heal without their acknowledgment. Its for hard for my child. She’s only 7 and dealing with a lot (through contact and through me not yet being healed). We both feel isolated to be honest as we don’t have anyone who understands or supports us. But I do have renewed strength, and Ive really benefitted from Melanie’s work. Thank you Melanie from the bottom of my heart am so grateful xx
Hi Sarah,
I am so pleased that my work is helping to give you hope and strength.
Have you looked at my inner healing resources which will be so powerful for you and your daughter with what you’re going through?
I can’t recommend enough, that if you haven’t already, that you check out my free masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass
Or maybe you are already working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
If so please come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where we can help guide you with this.
Much love to you and your daughter
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel
Thanks for your response. Which are the inner healing resources you mention? . I’m not using Narp at the moment although it is something I would consider when I have finished making some repayments I have to make for the coming months. I have your book and read the articles you have online, both of which you talk about inner healing but maybe this isn’t what you refer to. Let me know. The more help the better.
Many thanks and much love to you
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
It’s my pleasure. Sarah my 16 day free course, if you haven’t yet subscribed, http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/recourse can help start the process of taking you in your body to start taking your power back – a.k.a. “inner healing resources.” As does my book!
Ultimately, NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp is the most powerful inner healing resource, as it allows you to load up, release and replace all of the traumas and painful programs that you’ve taken on from abuse – directly within your Inner Being.
I hope that this explains!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
“Im turning inwards to become my own savior now.”I thank God for awakening me to the reality of the situation and hearing my prayers.Thank you Melania for helping others such as myself.
Hi Elizabeth,
you are so welcome and I’m so pleased that I could help.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Unfortunately many mentally ill people, especially those who are Bipolar tend to manipulate everyone around them and always try to convince their friends that they are the ones being attacked by “narcissists” because they cannot accept the fact that THEY are the problem and should seek help with their mental health issues.
“I’m turning inwards to become my own true savior now!”
I’ve been on a self-healing journey which has been spurred by my teenage daughter who will not have her father “break her down and continue to point out what’s missing and what’s wrong”. He has not heeded her wish to “meet her half-way” in decisions impacting her life. She has been adamant about releasing herself from parental control in her behaviors/attitudes… and this had awoken something in me that there is indeed something really wrong that is triggering some distressing symptoms as well as her rebellious feelings towards authoritative figures. That happened a over a year ago and I’ve been researching narcissistic abuse and became a NARP member. I feel that I may finally be turning the corner…
Always the one to not rock the boat stemming from fears of C.R.A.P. since early childhood, I did not get that I had not a grasp of, nor was demonstrating, healthy boundaries for myself or my daughter. She has become depressed, anxious, has panic attacks and feels trapped, has been disengaging from school… She feels she’s a disappointment and unworthy in the eyes of her father, despite my loving language/behaviors towards her that she is talented, caring and a wonderful soul in so many ways. Last year I in turn fell deep into the dark pit of despair, with lots of traumas surfacing and overwhelming me. I had been blaming myself for not identifying well enough the severity of, nor knowing how to prevent his ill treatment towards both of us. I developed chronic hyper-vigilance and insomnia leading to burnout to the point where I had to stop working temporarily this past fall. He has been conditioning me to believe that I’m full of flaws and that I’m an “inadequate mother”. He is at home, calls it “his domain” and runs all the finances, etc., while I am the sole earner trying to juggle full time work and family. I felt guilty and ashamed I was not able to “rescue” my daughter by leaving after 30 years of marriage due to not feeling strong enough to raise her on my own especially due to fearing I could not cope with his reactions in the aftermath of a split. I tried to leave after a terrible angry outburst but he managed to hoover us back. He’s said, “better to be together than apart right now” for our daughter’s sake. I’m staying on condition that he become more self-aware and improve his behaviors. He is open to attending family counselling where I hope some light will be shed on the covert toxic dynamic. Nonetheless, he blames 95% of my daughter’s problems/symptoms on me and says I’m weak at setting parental boundaries… He seems to be more open to lessening his harshness/intensity of anger/silent treatments and I’ve been standing up more (re communicating my own boundaries, not putting up with belittling/name calling and exercising more positive discipline for our daughter).
Although more subtle and just below the radar, the same old devaluing patterns seem to creep into daily life. While I continue to feel that familiar heart shrinking/closing feeling and cringe in reaction, especially when done in my daughter’s presence, I’m letting the feeling sit momentarily then pass through. I don’t let worry keep me up at night so I sleep better and have more energy and clarity which I think my daughter is starting to recognize. More and more I’m feeling like the fog is clearing and I’m future thinking. I’m gaining more strength day by day but not yet ready to make a physical move. What is your advice for helping grown children who call out the mistreatment of their parents? What can I do to support her and help her understand what she’s been exposed to? She’s had some counselling but feels it hasn’t helped her to date. ..How do I explain my part to my child as having been the weakened mother and scared wife whose had difficulties standing up to someone who exhibits covert narcissistic tendencies for so many years but who wants to repair the damage moving forward?
Thanks for all you many insights and reassurances Melanie!
Hi Lis,
I’m so pleased that you have NARP to help you with this.
Lis, My total recommendation for this is that to use NARP module one or the SH and R module To target the traumas in your body regarding your concern for her what he is doing, and then you’re able to also do proxy healings on her to help her situation directly.
Please Lis come into the NARP members forum http://www.welanietoniaevans.com/member so that we can help guide you as to how to do this, as myself and so many other Thrivers have had incredible results with, regarding our children (of any age).
Please note that this is the most powerful way that you can assist her and yourself in this situation.
Much love to both
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi
I’m so fortunate to have found you Melanie and your page. 🙏🏻 So I thank you.
I’m recently 40 and it has taken me approx 12-18 months to finally confirm that I was raised by a narcissistic mother and a passive aggressive narcissistic father.
I find your blogs very helpful and can relate to the information but would like further guidance on how to progress in my situation when both parents are narcissistic.
My only sibling detached from the family 10 years ago and since the absence, I have found the increased supply and subsequent toxic, horrible, hurtful behaviour has been directed towards me. I can’t recall the episodes or toxicity impacting me prior to my sibling leaving.
I have a young family and wonderful marriage of my own ( and my husband isn’t a narcissistic!).
I am constantly aware of my own parenting decisions and style, and I’m so cautiously aware of not repeating my parents choices. Can you offer any advice on this?
Thanks again.
Lucy
Hi Lucy,
you are very welcome and I am so pleased that you found your way here too.
Lucy, I am always going to recommend the NARP program, to be able to heal from the impactful trauma that was received in our childhoods, as well as be able to emerge authentically as your True Self laying healthy boundaries for yourself and the people that you love, regardless of what other people are doing.
Without the essential inner healing and it is very hard to be able to anchor into strategies that you can hold and actualise, and that will actually work.
Have you had a look at the NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
So many people have been able to heal from childhood trauma, as well as lead the way for their future generations as a result of working with NARP. Then, what I write about in my resources, regarding family narcissism as well as elderly narcissistic members et cetera and narcissistic parents (you can google these resources) is so much easier to implement when you have the essential wholeness, solidness and empowerment firmly established within yourself.
That is exactly what NARP produces.
I hope this information helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m turning inwards but I need a lot of help resources advice. For starters, how do I do this alone with no friends or family. And secondly how do I make friends loyal people and feel connected to humans Yes I have narp
Dear Melbourne,
please know that so many of us felt alone, initially in our experience of narcissistic abuse recovery. For starters we became isolated as a result of narcissistic abuse and also so many people can’t even begin to understand what we’ve been through.
I can’t recommend enough connecting up into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where there is so much support and assistance for you with your healing, which ultimately will lead to being able to connect up to other people in incredibly healthy ways.
Ultimately Melbourne the true journey through to our liberation, freedom and healthy interpersonal relationships is healing the fundamental relationship with ourselves. Our own inner being. But it also helps to be connected to people who absolutely know what you’re going through. That is what your NARP family can help you with so much.
Sending you love and healing as well as support
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am turning inward to become my own true saviour, thank you Melanie for your integrity, heart and invaluable insights.
Hi Lu,
That is wonderful.
You are so welcome and thank you for your lovely words.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
i’m turning inward tobecomemy own true saviour!
i’m turning inward tobecomemy own true saviour!
This is so great Willem!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Bless Caroline,
and so it will be!
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour. Thank you for your words
Hi Cory,
You are very welcome
Many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Can a person heal while maintaining a living relationship with a narcissistic partner? I have certainly had an immense awakening, although I still love him and feel our family should stay together and work on healing as a unit. Is this even possible?
Hi Trish,
Please note that this is a hugely controversial topic. My personal belief is that a narcissist doesn’t change as a result of us changing.
I can totally understand why you would want to hold a family together, and truly to do so means accepting the limitations that narcissism brings. And in all of my experience with my own life and that with so many others, I have seen so many more blessings and gifts occur for those who do leave, as well as their children.
I really don’t know what else to express to you about this.
Much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m so confused, I’ve been married for 34 years and only recently learned what a narc was until my narc siblings and best friend serviced. However re marriage I’ve used words like walking on eggshells for many years! There were so many times when I should of stood up to him and I see that now. Is he a narc I just don’t know? He’s a great provider I’ve never gone without he’s never hit me and wouldn’t but definitely emotionally abusive, financially abusive,, selfish life revolves around his interests not mine, his interests come before me which I have told him, he says not to be so silly etc but I truly believe they do. I can’t argue with him he to over powering so I close down but when he has no answer he says to be quiet etc etc. I thought marriage was about being good mates and wanting to do things together, but when I say he doesn’t want to do things with me he tells me I should go and do his hobbies with him! He would love me to be with him at these times. Out of the blue one day and I just don’t know where it come from and still don’t, he got stuck into me about helping out elderly people and visiting them as I do, he said I was weird and he wasn’t the only one that thought this! It broke me as I said he came from nowhere, so I walked out in a mess. Since then he hasn’t been that nasty ever again. I’m sure he loves me but does he? He can be so caring and supportive but is it fake? Are they really that good at faking? He often says so n so said this or so n so agreed with me when I know it’s a lie! He’s good to my kids and really helps them out with so much, but he always ,Ames them feel they owe him for it and not doing it coz that’s what normal dads do! Here or there he is entitled to some respect for some of the things he does I can’t take that away from him. The kids say they couldn’t live with him and don’t know how I do it and they don’t t know the worst of it. I know what a narc is and when someone is dealing with one but have I overlooked my own? I just don’t know I just don’t know, I’ve learned to go with my gut and my gut says I’m not happy I love him but not in love with him, ide rather be and may as well be single but I just couldn’t destroy a whole family and leave it’s not an option. It’s not like I’m being treated badly if you know what I mean. I could go on with some hurtful thoughts and memories but there’s not enough hours in the day. It if someone could shed some light on this would be so helpful. I suffer from depression that gets used against me as I have a MENTAL ILLNESS!! Thanks
Hi Leanne,
I am so sorry that you are going through this and I can completely and utterly understand your agony.
The real truth is, if you are not happy you are not happy. And you have an absolute right to be treated emotionally and mentally well as well as financially.
In order to generate a change in your life, it really is about you anchoring into what is the truth of what you will and won’t receive, and then taking a stand for that.
I know that it can be so hard to do, however we can only teach people how to treat us by laying such limits and boundaries, and then if he refuses to meet you at that place, then you don’t have a real or healthy relationship.
All this applies whether he is a narcissist or not. It’s whether or not he can be healthy for you.
I would like you to connect to my free inner transformational resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free course which will explain to you more about this, and help you get in your power to see if he can rise up to meet you at a level of healthy respect or not. And it will also help you come to a place where if you do need to let go that you can.
I hope that this can help you Leanne
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Just getting out of a 2 year relationship with someone who is exactly as described!!! She made me question my self and alienated me from my friends and my family. She started calling me the narcissist early into our relationship. She would accuse me of things I don’t do and have never done. She would twist things around to satisfy her own agenda and really had me believing I was crazy. No matter how hard I tried, it was always something. When I would do exactly what she asked, she would say that I wasn’t doing it and that I was pathetic and a loser. Thank god for good friends. I opened up to a few long time friends about her abuse and they could t believe it. Took me awhile to get out of it but I finally did. Thank you for this blog. It has really helped me understand what I went through. I am still dealing with the after effects as the break up was fairly recent. Friends and family help, but this site has really helped me understand who she is and that I am not crazy.
Just getting out of a 2 year relationship with someone who is exactly as described!!! She made me question my self and alienated me from my friends and my family. She started calling me the narcissist early into our relationship. She would accuse me of things I don’t do and have never done. She would twist things around to satisfy her own agenda and really had me believing I was crazy. No matter how hard I tried, it was always something. When I would do exactly what she asked, she would say that I wasn’t doing it and that I was pathetic and a loser. Thank god for good friends. I opened up to a few long time friends about her abuse and they could not believe it. Took me awhile to get out of it but I finally did. Thank you for this blog. It has really helped me understand what I went through. I am still dealing with the after effects as the break up was fairly recent. Friends and family help, but this site has really helped me understand who she is and that I am not crazy.
I am turning inward to become my own true Saviour NOW!!!