Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. It is not like a normal breakup.
If you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.
I can’t wait to share how to deal with the inevitable smearing, cruel discard, and unrealistic entitlement by the narcissist and how to protect your emotional, spiritual and mental self and your precious children.
Video Transcript
Breaking up with a narcissist is not easy.
It’s nothing like the ending of a normal relationship.
If you don’t know what a narcissist is capable of, or what to expect, it will leave you reeling.
However, if you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.
That’s exactly what I want to help you achieve, by sharing this episode with you today.
If you really need this information, because you have already split up, or are in the split up process, or you know that you are heading towards it, please let me know in the comments below.
Okay, let’s get started on today’s episode!
This Person Won’t Care About You
For many of you, I know that this is a hugely difficult time during the coronavirus epidemic.
Many of you are still stuck with a narcissist even though maybe you were about to break up. Or you have broken up, even though you are still living together, or you know that you desperately need to break up.
Whichever case it is, or if you are still struggling in the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, I hope that this information can help you.
Let’s start off with how a narcissistic character rolls during and after breakups.
When dealing with a narcissist, even at the best of times, this person doesn’t think or operate like a normal human being. It’s not personal, they just don’t have the capacity to be any other way apart from it being all about them.
I can’t express to you enough how important it is to not get hung up on expecting decency, normality or sensibility when separating from a narcissist.
The narcissist is not concerned about your welfare, or how healthily you can move on after the relationship ends. According to the perpetual victimhood of narcissism, it’s actually you that has treated them abysmally and are to blame for everything.
The narcissist will want to punish you. He or she believes you need to suffer for what you’ve done.
None of this is based on rationale, and it’s not something that you can argue with the narcissist. Narcissistic reasoning can’t be reasoned with, all you can do is protect yourself against it.
When breaking up with the narcissist, make sure that you safeguard everything that you can. Many people have been shocked to discover money was taken out of bank accounts, furniture was removed and hidden, and personal items that were close to your heart were hijacked, never to be handed over.
I know that this is even more of a challenge during the times of this pandemic, but please think smart, and keep your cards close to your chest. Make your moves and secure your things in a way that the narcissist does not know about and be very careful who you tell and trust.
Narcissists are very good at keeping allies close to them.
The Inevitable Smearing
There will be incredible lies spread to all and sundry about the “terrible” person you are, and all the apparent bad things that you have done and are doing.
Not only will this information be fabricated, stretched or incomplete; it is likely to be a projection of what the narcissist did and is doing themselves.
I know this can sucker punch so hard that you wonder how you will ever recover from it. Yet, I really want to emphasise that this behaviour is completely normal for a narcissist. Expect it, and then it won’t be as much of a shock.
Let go of being mortified by these outrageous behaviours and actions, so that you don’t hook in trying to receive justice. If you react it is going to make matters so much worse for you.
It’s vital that you detach, keep releasing all of these intense feelings of trauma and injustice and keep as healthy and whole on the inside as you can.
This is the most powerful formula regarding being able to navigate what is necessary.
The less affected you are and the less you feed what is happening the stronger the position you’re in to get through this.
Being Discarded Cruelly
When relationships disintegrate in a narcissist’s life, he or she must change “the scene of the play” to appease and protect their ego.
This includes discrediting and devaluing you as now being unimportant and irrelevant. It also includes creating a “new script” and throwing the old one in the trash.
This means that you will be written out of his or her life as if you never existed.
I know of so many people, even after decades of being married to a narcissist, being discarded and treated with complete indifference and cruelty, and being completely shattered.
Especially after giving their heart, soul, allegiance and energy to this person for so long.
If this happens, please know as personal as it feels, it is just the way a narcissist operates.
My highest suggestion to you, rather than going through the agony of months or even years of the torturous emotions of this, is to turn inside and start healing and quickly get relief.
I promise you this works to get free of the most horrific trauma there is.
My NARP program will move you through the grief and devastation very quickly, which brings relief, as well as helping you be strong for what is coming ahead.
Unrealistic Entitlement
When a narcissist breaks up, he or she believes that they are entitled to as much as they can get their hands on.
This is no different to the narcissist’s behaviour and attitude anyway, which is completely self-absorbed.
Not only is the narcissist callous about how you will fare in the future, he or she believes (through any insane justification) that they should be getting the majority, if not all the goodies.
You will experience ridiculous settlement expectations and even barbaric solicitor-initiated demands.
Don’t try to cut a fair deal, because it just won’t be possible.
There are really only two options that you are left with, which is stand up and keep releasing the trauma that is being triggered and fight the fair fight legally, or be prepared to relinquish a great deal of what is rightly yours and walk away.
Only you know what will be right for you.
In the past I let go and relinquished and rebuilt, incredibly successfully, because I was able to take my soul, healing and freedom back.
However, with what I know now, I would have released the trauma and taken the narcissist legally through the courts.
I have seen so many wonderful and incredible results that Thrivers have achieved as a result of doing the inner work with NARP and then calmly and solidly taking legal action.
If you Google my name and the words “court”, “custody” and “settlement” you will find numerous resources on this topic to help you.
Throwing the New Supply in Your Face
This is one of the cruellest things that can happen, and it happens regularly with a narcissist, when your relationship ends with them.
He or she may make sure you discover the new love in their life, and paint a picture as if this person is so much better for them than you ever were.
To add insult to injury the narcissist will integrate with this person’s life and include them into theirs and quite possibly your children’s lives too, as if the life they had with you never existed.
Naturally, the trauma from being replaced with ‘new supply’ is devastating. It’s one of the worst things anyone can experience.
It is probable that you are experiencing so much trauma and shock that you couldn’t even think of beginning a new relationship. Unlike the narcissist who can move on in the time that it takes to boil an egg. It’s just what they do.
I promise you with all my heart that when you release and heal from these terrible inner traumatic feelings, you won’t care who the narcissist is with and you will be relieved that it’s not you.
NARP helps you get there very quickly and powerfully, and it’s a beautiful day when you reach this place! Take it from me. I went through this as well.
The Effect on Your Children
I know that so many of you are extremely concerned about the effect on your children, when breaking up with a narcissist.
This is a topic very dear to my heart, as it was a huge journey for me personally with my son Zac.
As a Mother, over the last decade plus, I have been deeply heart-connected to thousands of people abused by narcissists, regarding helping their children.
When breaking up with a narcissist this is a very difficult time for you and your relationship with your children, because of all the trauma that you’re experiencing. Additionally, the narcissist may be attempting to alienate you from your children.
At no time is it more vital to be able to heal and stay emotionally solid and strong. It may seem impossible to do so, especially when you feel such concern for your children as well.
I promise you that with intense and dedicated inner work it is possible.
I’d love to include several resources on this topic for you that are on the blog:
How to Help Your Children Who Are Affected By Narcissists
Parent’s Empowering Themselves For Their Children’s Sake
And …
What to do When You’re Alienated From Your Child
(For additional resources on this topic, all you need to do is google my name + children, and many more will come up for you.)
Dealing With the Aftershock
You may be stunned to discover that after leaving a narcissist, relief doesn’t come.
In fact, it is normal that the painful feelings and trauma will escalate and get worse before they get better.
People in your life may not understand this. They think … “Because you are away from this person, aren’t you supposed to be getting better now?”
Nothing could be further from the truth. What is more likely is that you will feel like you are having a cataclysmic breakdown.
In my article How to Leave The Narcissist With Your Emotions Intact I wrote this:
“‘Aftershock’ is a very real phenomenon after leaving a narcissist. When you are stuck in the fight with the narcissist you are in survival mode, and somehow that keeps you alive.
When you leave the narcissist, you will experience grave Complicated and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms. Not unlike a wartime survivor, the entire trauma has a chance to hit when you have got away.
The abuse from yesterday, last week, last month and last year now activates. You are also caught up in the intense mind-bending withdrawal of the addiction to the trauma.”
My greatest recommendation to you at this time is:
Don’t try to tend to your aftershock logically.
Our trauma comes from a much deeper, unconscious place within us that is operating below the level of the logical mind. It needs to be met at a body, somatic level, in order to be released from it.
So many people, myself included, found powerful and quick relief as a result of releasing the trauma from our cellular Inner Beings.
By removing the horrific panic, fight and flight, and all of the obsessive feelings including longing and regret, this grants an emotional platform to find a way up and out of the abuse and into our new and true life.
I promise you, just like coronavirus, this horribly stressful time CAN pass.
You will get through this, and myself and this community stand with you and for you to help you do that.
Those of you who are interested in learning more about NARP, and what Quanta Freedom Healing can do for you, I’d love you to join me in my upcoming free Masterclass which is on Wednesday the 29th of April, where you can learn the deeper Quantum Truths about healing for real, and how they have liberated thousands of people, just like you, into abuse free Thriving lives.
You can sign up to my free Masterclass by clicking this link.
I can’t wait to join with you, for profound healing there!
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Mel, I have been made to think my child was manipulating me (age 8 -12) because she was jealous. I even believed it. I am disgusted in myself for allowing myself to be turned against my own daughter because I thought we were so deeply connected I could not live without him.
Hi Caroline,
sending you forgiveness for yourself, and healing.
I would love you to look into what NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp can do for you in this situation.
The Quanta Freedom Healings are so effective in letting go of shame, pain, trauma and all of the negative emotions that we can all suffer from, Inflicted by narcissistic abuse and anything at all in our life.
I hope that this helps.
Much love to you and your daughter
Mel 🙏💕💚
SO helpful. After going through a divorce with the N living in the Master and me in a partial conversion in the garage of a home I bought and paid for, he finally got his check in 2014 and left. NARP got me through that hell and I have true compassion for those of you living with an N now under the terms of the pandemic. I’ve been successfully holding no contact – with BRIEF written communication involving child exchange and shared expenses only, quite successfully for years. Until the N blew a gasket when my accountant and I mistakenly applied for a child credit in his year to make the claim. And you guessed it, all hell broke loose and he threatened legal action etc. I bit the bait and responded feeling enraged at the injustice considering our son usually lives with me six days a week and now seven, for which I am most grateful and just like we know, it all blew back right on me. Being free of this for years, it’s been so excruciating to receive N abuse. I dove for Modules 4, and 5 immediately and have been working my way up to the light for the last few days, finally feeling much better. Mel knows her stuff, backward and forwards. Though in hindsight, I feel I should have hung in there and gotten him to be more accountable when we settled, ultimately, it was such a horrible situation. I was ready to leave the keys to the house on the counter and walk away with my son and the clothes on our back. It’s been painful digging my way out of six-figure divorce debt. The miracle is five years later, I’m almost out. And my life is much better on many levels though I still have healing to go. NARP works. No contact is essential. And taking the high road is the only way to go in my opinion. Best to everyone. I’m so grateful to have this community and Mel’s incredible work as a proven pathway to authentic freedom.
Hi Susan,
it’s beautiful to hear from you here on the blog my dear friend!
Gosh, yes you were living in the garage. I can’t believe that it was six years ago. You did such an incredible job of getting through that time.
It is fascinating, that n-abuse can again appear out of nowhere stop calling for you to up-level again to even greater freedom. This pandemic situation has brought so much of this up and out to the open again. I am seeing it everywhere Susan!
I’m so thrilled sweetheart that you still go back to NARP when you are in need.
It’s always going to be my go-to as well. And thank goodness it works.
So much love to you darling
Mel 🙏💕💚
I don’t know how to break the cycle he left me again for the mother of his child. Found about them on his Whatsapp status update..called him to ask what’s going on. Why am I seeing his pictures and another woman on whatsapp he gave the phone to the woman and they both started laying the law unto me that I should respect the other woman she is the mother of his child I shouldn’t speak to her anyhow…in short I was treated like a nobody I am so sad and traumatised
Hi Nompumelelo,
My heart goes out to you.
This is intensely painful you are going through.
The only way out of the cycle is to heal …. truly do the inner work to heal.
I want to extend my hand and heart out to you to come into my Free Upcoming Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass This will help explain to you the deeper reasons as to why we get hooked into these people, and can’t seem to let go no matter how much they hurt us.
This is a conversation that not many people have talked about, and is one that can hand you your clarity, hope and power back in order to heal.
I hope that this can help you.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
My N has filed for divorce 2xs, October of 18 and again this past December withdrawing his petition both times. I have been slaughtered to everyone he can tell that I’m on drugs and I have caused this. I took a hair follicle drug test and of course passed it, and he promised that he would apologize to me in front of our family ( never happened). This time he’s wanting another divorce bc I won’t let his GrowN children treat me with disrespect bc of this. My heart is broken but I will not walk away with nothing and let him “give me what he thinks I deserve bc I live in our home for free!!” I’m sorry but I was under the impression that wives don’t pay rent to live in her home with her husband. I pay my bills , our internet and electricity and buy 95% of the things needed to take care of a household. Groceries, cleaning supplies and food! But i live here for free. I can do this I know can. I told him my blood pressure was 175/100 this evening and not 5 minutes later he throws divorce at me !! Who does that???
Hi Tracy,
please know that he is not going to act normally or be decent, and as hard as it is, if you accept that that was can help you a lot.
Take care of and heal you Tracy, and I promise you that you can get through this.
Sending blessings, love and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
What resources are available to find an attorney in my city who is familiar with NPD?
I am in divorce from a millionaire of three years. He wants to give me nothing. I now have a lawyer because I let my house go with all my belongings. Now I have to start over from scratch and have to fight him for a short alimony. I’m in Illinois a no fault state. I want a leg up to move on and he’s got to be made by a judge to be fair.
Hi Alessia. I have been where you are. I know this pain all too well. They fight so dirty. I also lost everything, while trying to raise four young children. Mine was a trust fund baby so the funds and resources to help him “win” and punish me were infinite. Melanie is so right. As soon as we give up feeling helpless and dependent on the outcomes of going to battle with these people, things turn around and opportunities based on truth will present themselves to you. The most important thing is that you will be free from this person who found a thrill in trying to ruin you. After this is over, he will still be a terrible person and so very empty. You won’t be. Financial abuse is terrifying. But it only lasts until you decide you can and will take care of yourself. Life will suddenly turn in your favor. It happened to me. I am far better off financially than I ever was with my ex, in spades, but could only get to this point after I realized I couldn’t depend on HIS money. You can do this!!
Hi Andrea,
this is such a difficult thing. Because a great deal of legal personnel are not familiar with How to deal withhigh conflict personalities, even though of course they are dealing with them all the time.
I have found consistently within this community that it is the people who work on detachment and healing and their own empowerment who are able to align with and instruct lawyers in the most powerful of ways.
Please Google my name plus legal, custody and property settlements and court and you will find numerous resources that will help guide you, and have worked very successfully for people over the years.
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💚
You do the inner healing work on yourself first and then the outer will happen. If you are not healing yourself, no attorney will help. First the inner work then the outer world follows. Are you doing Narp? Because if not you will react in your trauma
My NARC boyfriend of 5 years just by happenstance was forced to quarantine in a different State. He became more rabid than normal because not only was his source of supply cut off but he is a money manager and his world is upside down. After I failed to tolerate his countless ME ME ME conversations per day and capitulate to his “virtual” demands, he instituted the old standby… the silent treatment. Your article reminded me of when we first got together and he told me that he called his ex to tell her that he had met the “love of his life, this one was forever (aka-me) and that he wished her the same fortune. Unfortunately, it was me that ended up with the same misfortune as the ex. It is appalling how predictable the script is. By the time you discover this you’re already in deep but at least there isn’t a whole lot of guess work that follows. The challenge is restoring your sense of self and well being so you can survive the wreckage. Thanks Mel for doing all you do. xo
Hi Christina,
sending you strength, blessings and healing in this challenging time.
You are so going to make it out the other side of this.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💚
If he is in a different State, he probably has other supply already. Start doing Narp and get rid of him …fast. Why are you still putting up with this?
hello
The timing of receiving your letter was wild. My mother is the narcissist and has been Jeckyk and Hyde to me my whole life. I have been discarded many times and hopefully the last is this one.. in the middle of the PANDEMIC . My golden child sister is returning from Mexico and skipping self isolation and wants to visit and I took a stand for safety as my parents are elderly with health issues and I have asthma and immunity issues. I am a full time RV er and I put going south on hold this year to take care of mom and dad .. I have always been the main caregiver. It was an ordeal as mom is 1000 times worse than she ever has been and my psycho sister called nonstop rom Mexico and threatened to call police if I did not do as she commanded. I went to police and filed a report.
So mom tried making it intolerable there and when that did not get me out, she accused me of elder abuse. I went to campground in winter.. no utilities. I had a bunch of clothes and gear at the house and I had to fight to get it and take a friend for safety.
Mom left the name of s shrink on my dresser which is actually laughable as I am the ONLY one who has admitted I struggle and it is a result of the abuse.
I was never beaten up but I spent lots of time locked in bathrooms to stay safe from my sister and dad who is their enforcer. i have been screamed at – belittled – mocked – mimicked – sabotaged – threatened- cornered – startled – accused of crazy things ….etc etc etc
My sister and dad are escalating and both have come close to hitting me.
Dad has dementia and mom / sistet prod him into blind rage.
I have an older sister who has little contact with family..
mom hates her and has zero to do with her kids / grandkids .. only four in the family.
She have up on me as I could not escape.
I now know it can take some people many many times
I am alone which makes it extra challenging but I have gradually moved away and this time is IT.
I wasted 56 years and I want it to stop.
I reached my lowest point about five years ago when I considered ending it but I dug down deep and made a wellness plan and got back to living. I had become a recluse for years but not now and that drives mom crazy.. she prefers me sad – needy – deoressed …
I am coping but I do need support. I wish I coukd talk to othets with monster mothers.
Please travel south ASAP and don’t look back. Let your sister from Mexico handle it. It’s bullshit. They’re abusive and the chaos is soulsucking.
Hi Brenda,
that’s great that this was timely for you!
Brenda, I salute your courage in being able to really honour you. What you have been dealing with is extremely big, nnd it’s been for so many years.
You deserve your freedom and true life after all this.
I’m so glad that you realise this needs to be over finally, and Brenda I really want you to know that we have a whole incredible community here of many people healing from narcissists, including narcissistic mothers and families.
This is my NARP community http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp which is thousands of people from all over the world who are profoundly healing their inner wounds from narcissists from all descriptions of life.
With the NARP community comes the NARP Private Member’s Forum where people from all over the world conjoin in solution, healing and true recovery.
This comes for free with your NARP Gold Membership, and is a lifetime 24/7 resource.
I hope that this inspires you to know that there are people who understand who can also share deeply and powerfully with you in your healing journey.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
Mel, im not sure exactly what my situation but involves a granddaugter so want to read your children blog posts but he did tell me today wasn’t his idea for her to go to his sisters, but hers, but told him he went along with it, after telling me her husband’s a drunk, still working, barely, he’s self-employed, not sure how working, gets his liquor at lunch, drinks through the afternoon, how good job can he do? How can he keep getting jobs? As it is she’s getting all the government assistamce she can, husband went so far as to pay the lawyer, with borrowed money
I fought for a fair settlement and won. But that was 10 years ago and the N is still dragging me to court on post judgment motions. He’s alienated one of my 3 children from me and uses her as a flying monkey to try and alienate her little sister. It’s surreal. My youngest is almost 15 and we live in his hometown. The child lived exclusively with me, but recently spends more time with him and has enormous rage towards me. I’m strongly considering moving away as I can’t continue to spend my days in tears
Hi Jill,
abused by proxy and child alienation is so painful. My heart goes out to you.
Jill, please come into my Free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass so that I can help you understand how to take your power back in these situations and heal, to free you not just from the trauma of this, but also So that you are in a position to turn things around.
I really want you to know that there is a way!
And that’s exactly what my Free Masterclass goes into deep detail about.
Sending you love and strength
Mel 🙏💕💚
Asked my narcissist fiance to leave just over 5 weeks ago. He got the last of his stuff including his dog just over a week ago. It has been no contact for a week. Today I am struggling. For the life of me I can’t understand why I miss him. I did more module work today which helped a lot! Yet there have been more moments today that I missed him than in the first few weeks. Thank you for all you have done for so many of us. Today I just am lonely.
Hi Laura,
hun, at this time it is completely and totally understandable!
Are you a Gold NARP Member and in the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
That is such a powerful resource to reach out to at any time when you are in need and some NARP module encouragement!
It’s so great that you got relief from your NARP work, which truly is the healing solution and empowerment in any situation where you feel triggered and regressing.
You are going to get through this beautifully!
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hey Mel
What you say is spot on, exactly what I have experienced. The lies and gaslighting related to the other supply, the competition with the other supply, the discard for the other supply, the parade with the other supply then the hoovering using competition and round and round we go. From the gaslighting point onwards it nothing but a smear campaign.
Luckily I didn’t have the kids card to deal with. She, however did have kids and I feel so upset for them. They struggle so bad with what they see and the way the are treated, I care so deeply for them and wanted them to have a good and stable life. Every time they get close or comfortable with the new supply she discards.
You hit the nail fair on the head when you said the trauma and struggle hits in the aftermath. Not only as we uncover and try to accept thee things that happened but as we see the state of our own lives. Our family and friends relationships, our careers and everything else that meant something.
The more we heal ourselves and rebuild our lives into something better than it was before the crazy entered the more we value it and would never let them back in to wreck it all again. It’s all about the healing and the rebuilding that makes the difference, that’s my experience anyways. I walked away only a couple of months back and disappeared, I have spent the whole time focused on understanding, healing and rebuilding and it’s been the best thing I could have done, every day I feel more and more free within even though the smearing and destruction still rages around me. The more smearing the more I discard and the less I have to deal with.
Thanks so much for bringing clarity to my life and confirming what I was thinking. Its done wonders for me
Hi Work in progress,
you are such an inspiration and a wonderful role model to many!
Keep up the great work!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie, a very timely article for me. I have been working through the NARP modules and am at Module 3. I thought that when the ex left, I would be relieved and stride on with my life. He left in Dec and we now have an interim IVO in place and I am feeling as though I am getting worse and worse rather than better. I did some brainspotting with my psych last week and have felt totally out of control since then. My 12 yo son is with me six days and seven nights a week. He has been offering up a lot of his dad’s behaviours and I have been super triggered and yelling at him which makes me very upset. I lost my job in March and my son is home 100% as school is closed. Last week I struggled through the Centrelink process which I also found incredibly stressful. My lawyer is trying to get property settlement done for me and I did a budget for this purpose which ended in me sobbing uncontrollably for about three hours. I have never ever had financial problems before and it terrifies me. All this uncontrolled behaviour is undermining my son’s feeling of safety and we are both really emotionally unregulated. Meanwhile, Dad has suddenly gone from being the devil incarnate to cool, calm and collected and a relief to be with. This also terrifies me as we have family counselling beginning this week and a family report being done on 9 June. I am so worried that my son will swing to his Dad who has abused him as well as me and I will lose him because I’m not coping. I had no idea it would be this hard AFTER we separated (he left me after 20 years).
Please try to get your bearings. Kids easily block abuse for the sanest parent in the room.
Hi Kristi,
I’m glad that this was timely for you.
I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this trauma and pain.
It is an incredibly intense time and you are in the deep of all of it… My heart goes out to you.
I want you to know, that there is a passage through all of this… Truly.
Christie, I can’t recommend enough that you come into my free masterclass with me, so that you can start getting some deep truths, clarity and also of relief from what you’re going through right now.
And that’s what I will be explaining to you in my Free Masterclass, for a full two hours. It is a really big conversation!
I hope that this can give you some hope, and much love to you and your son.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Kristi,
I have been in the court system for the last 2 and a half years, unfortunately the system does not see the person we do or even knows what they are capable of. The NP in my case has been using the system as another form of abuse ( systems abuse ) financially, emotionally, physically it all continues. I tried at the start to tell people what he was like but as you all know that does not work, I have only recently come across Mel’s site and it has certainly read true.
He is taking me to trial at the moment as he wants 50/50 of our daughter and I know in my heart and head that it is not in her best interest. He now also wants nothing less than 50/50 in property because of his legal fees, (even though he took me to court!)
Being in the legal system has been a complete eye opener to the injustice that is out there, and how the lawyers milk it for all its worth, especially when you are dealing with a NP.
A word of warning with the family report writer.
We had an 11f report done with a clinical psychologist through the court and her report came back saying that in some cases shared time is not advisable, especially due to the high risk of maternal alienation. His legal team set up the very expensive report writer, which she was only a social worker and I thought very naively that she would be able to see through him just like the psychologist did, but he worked his charm and she wrote complete lies about myself and made him to look like the best dad out. Please do not go first with the report writer, make sure that you are second to be interviewed so you can right the mistruths that are said, or even better find a report writer that is a clinical psychologist and do a shuttle report as thats where they come unstuck.
He continues to try and denigrate myself to our daughter, I stay strong as possible and do not reciprocate, I ask for her opinion on what has been said and she thinks about it and mostly comes back with – I don’t think thats true. They will eventually shoot themselves in the foot.
Good Luck everyone, – all that we have been through makes us all a stronger and better person to live a happy and healthy life.
We are only dealt what we can handle and we are strong especially when we work together and know that we are not the only ones going through this!
I was blindsided, 24 years together but he had left me before 10 years previously. I had accepted things after he begged me to come back. He just out of the blue said he couldn’t do this anymore and upped and left me and the 3 kids. That was 2 years 9 months ago. I am traumatised and have not moved on. I did not get angry which surprised me. He still keeps an element of control re finance. Divorce is nearly done. I have caved on lots because I can’t bear to deal with him. He is well off lives with his new supply and her kids who is very well off. He is defensive about how badly he has been treated. He is horrible. He has re-invented himself. I am quite sure I am never mentioned. Our life never existed. It’s been the most terrible shock this was someone I loved and accepted for their faults but now it’s half my life has been rubbished and thrown away. I have feelings of guilt what if I was thinner, younger. It’s demented. I was a good wife mother and person. He Is just NOT NORMAL and I need to stop blaming myself. I am isolated in the UK which is not my home. I am working in a job I hate and I stay here because I love my kids. He has left me with all the mess and it’s controlling me and keeping me broken, isolated and silent
Hi Helen,
I’m so sorry you’ve been through such a devastating time.
Wishing love, healing and power for you and your children.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie.
Ive followed you for over 3 years now. Im deeply grateful for your compassionate, generous advice and support. It greatly helped me to navigate a difficult and traumatic divorce.
Thank you so much.
Hi Paula,
thank you for your lovely words and please know how grateful I am for them.
That’s wonderful that I could help you!
You are very welcome, and much love to you.
Mel 🙏💕💚
It is truly horrific and it does take time . I personally took note of what i had left friends, only the real ones remained this was personally the second cleansing I’ve had in my life the first was an illness .
I had my tools my trade tools I knew with them I could rebuild whatever, its quite ironic that .
Because my tools now needed someone to use them otherwise they were just that tools! And at times I had to use all of my energy just to use them so I could survive and pay Bill’s.
Even having fun with my child was at times way harder than it ever was, it seemed that I was not worthy of fun anymore.
But I pushed on the stuff that is worth anything is nearly always on the other side of hard . This seemed to be my new reality .
And at times none of it seemed worth the effort it took .
Yes ending it all seemed like the only way out .
But I carried on through allegations and guided assumptions that people had made of me .
Some so preposterous I don’t know how anyone could have believed them and they keep coming too !
My child’s name got changed their school ,friends everything possible to remove me .
Everytime I try to do something good its meet with an allegation from some unknown source that throws a spanner in the works .
This will not stop the only thing I can do is not let it stop me doing what i do and have always done .
The way i see it is sooner or later people do wise up and things don’t make sense to the smart ones , and if they have any shred of a conscience those are the ones I need in mine and my child’s life .
Hi Mal hoping you can help. Great timing this is the stage I am at this very moment. Narcs had me hooked to their abuse which was happening at mums house after I blocked them. Boundary breakers! It is so hard when they are in family. I have come to realise I need to set firm boundaries. I was thinking in future to have mum and dad visit us more often and meeting them in a mutual setting away from the toxicity happening at their house. What do you think? I need to breakaway for good and protect my own little family. Also if my toddler touches and moves items at mums house narcs take this as game play. I want the games to stop! What are your suggestions? Thanks Xo
Hi Mal was hoping for a responce. I needing some help with this. Thank you.
Hi Angela,
My take on boundaries is this speak up to people about how you need or want to be treated, and then if they refuse to comply keep breaking your boundaries, then stay away from these people.
You could try and meet them in a different locality and see if this works. And then gauge it from there.
Boundaries are never about other people getting it, they are about us really meaning it.
I hope that this helps.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thanks Mal good advice.
However the narcs is my sister and her husband that visit my parents house regularly and plot.
My parents aren’t aware that they are even narcs or any game play that has been going on at their own house. Many threats planted as well.
If I explained it to mum I would look crazy, narcs will deny.
The boundary in this case is the location ‘my parents house’.
Hi Melanie, I’m in the process of leaving one and I’m so scared of the monster he is going to unleash once he knows I don’t want him back. I have decided to send him to his parents’ for a while. He is asking me what he did that was wrong. He says he is not aware. He says he will do anything to fix an issue if I could tell him what it is. He is admitting that he needs to feel superior and that’s why he behaves this way. Is that part of the plan?
Hi Nando,
My heart goes out to you, because this can be very confusing.
Nando, I have created quite a few resources regarding “can a narcissist heal?”. If you Google my name + this topic, this may help you get some clarity around this, because it is a big conversation.
I also can’t recommend enough that you come into my Free Masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass To help you get some relief and power back, as well as even more much-needed clarity.
I hope that all of these resources can help
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you! I’m leaving the narcissist, after 13 years living together. He love bombed me and it lasted 2 yrs, before the temper became unleashed. Then the temper and rage, came out regularly. I stopped sleeping with him, but stayed in the guest room, 10 more years! I’m finally strong enough to leave and am making my escape. EVERYTHING your program says is true! ( I was gifted your program) The addiction to the relationship is strong, but I’m learning how to not react and take my personal power back. Thank you for this program; it’s giving me strength and I can SEE why and how this all came about. I’ve tried to leave many times, but got dragged back into the game and manipulation. Then I became addicted to this game with him. I finally have friends and family who are with me, emotionally , as i make this break. I’m only on module 2, but it’s been helping me so much to recover. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Hi Kare,
It is my pleasure.
I’m so thrilled that NARP has helped you so much because you are really ready to commit to it and reap the benefits.
Sending you continued blessings and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello, Well the finalization of the divorce is on hold. Before the lockdown went through what the attorney told me was a successful mediation, I would come out ok. Then, as usual with the other side, delay, delay, delay, and then the courts closed, all cases are temporarily adjourned. Living with the fear and anxiety of not knowing if the mediation agreement will hold when everything is lifted. Everything you’ve written about is true about them, I can relate to all of it. Asking for joint photos of the kids gets to be a long-drawn-out process back and forth, I know he has what I’m describing and he’s acting like he has no clue. I gave him a list of medical expenses I paid for the one minor child, we are to each pay half of, all he says is he will add to his spreadsheet. He will not pay for this until he can find a thing that he thinks I owe him for, so he doesn’t have to pay me back. He keeps changing the rules for it to benefit him. It is certainly frustrating and I remind myself that I am a kind person and he is being difficult.
Sending you healing and love Cindy in this frustrating time.
It will pass Dear Heart.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel, been following you for about a year or so now. I’m about to get Divorced from the N. I’ve got so my ducks lined up in a row right now just waiting for the actual court date. This video really helped. Thanks
Hi Mr Scott,
I’m so pleased that this could help.
Sending you love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💚
My heart goes out to all the Thriver’s that are working their way to freedom. Reading the personal accounts shows how strong people can be living under duress. I had to plan months for my escape and left behind many personal possessions, to cover my plan. Then get emergency therapy ASAP. Melanie`s video`s were instrumental back then to make this all happen.
It is all worth it in the end and the growing, healing process will take the rest of my life…..
but it is now an exciting, wonderful trip…..yes, there is backsliding…sadness….normal things in life. Doing modules is always there…..forever…..whenever we need to quantum heal.
Thank you Melanie Tonia Evens ..again and again.
Hi Ocean Breeze,
thank you for your love to everybody, and for your inspiration by example.
It’s so much pleasure.
Love and blessings to you always.
Mel 🙏💕💚
This is a great article I wish I had when going through divorce. But I am so glad I came out the other side with help, releasing and healing with NARP. I am not there yet but have came a long way already.
One word of advice; if you possibly in any way can, try to get full custody of your kids, or at least do try to avoid co-parenting, but have your kids live with you as much as possible. This was my biggest mistake. I had all the pain of being smeared and replaced but this all finally goes away when healed. However, seeing and living with your kids being manipulated and abused every day for 3+ years by the N is the most painful and hardest to heal. I was the one initiating co-parenting as he was sobbing and telling me he was so sad he would only see the kids every 2 weeks. This is a huge guilt trauma for me ever since and I hope with all my heart that other parents out there can dodge this bullet for yourself and your kids.
Love your work Melanie and gobble up every article you write. Thank you!
Hi Mom of 2,
I’m so happy that you’ve been working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and have been able to take your soul back.
Not giving in to feeling guilty, is great advice, absolutely.
Much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💚
I been with one for 20 years ,left 2 weeks ago to another country, I’m hard broken he met a girl in 2 weeks, has not call his son .
He has left before came back,but this is it for me and it hurts just knowing he move to another country.
Hi I need some support. Ive been married to a narc for 15 years and have 5 kids with me and 1 step son. He did a enormous number in me. It was a complete scam from the start. He played me by the time I realised after 3 years I was love hooked. I tried to leave him even though I was pregnant but he promised he would change. I was young and naive and I really didn’t know such horrible spiteful womanising manipulative men existed. He also knew I’m a very kind hearted empath. And he used that as a vulnerability instead of nurturing it. He completely broke my heart. He used me for money and disguarded me repeatedly during our relationship. He also became completely controlling and chipped away at my happy go lucky outlook on life and bubbly personality and knocked out of me any self confidence had. He really wants me to be miserable and fel worthless. He ruined my friendships with my family and friends. I did have issues there already but I still had contact he completely destroyed that. I’m trying to rebuild some of those relationships now. Two years ago he was caught dealing drugs he got 18 months in prison and at that time we were selling our house to buy a new house. He decided right when the money came through he wasnt going to buy a house with me for our kids and us. So I took half of the money. The police took his half. The last 2 years I’ve used up that money for my kids to live on pay rent food bills, learnt to drive passed my test. A second hand car. Some child car my step sons college fees have been paid for the next 4 years. It’s a 4 year course he starts in September. My step son has become my son and doesn’t want anything to do with him. The 2 little ones 4 and 2 don’t miss him or know him. My 9 year old and 10 year old girls were heartbroken but now there fine. They know how much I love them I look after them. It’s hit my 12 year old son the most. Because he’s like me he’s a big soft Teddy bear. Very sensitive and autistic mildly. He also stopped me from going to the gym and healthy eating he never helped with the kids. So I’m feeling upset as I’ve gained so much weight since the last baby and I stopped going to the gym and seeing my friends buying nice clothes generally having time or money to look after myself. While he lived it up going out to expensive restaurants clubs weddings holidays without me. The funny thing is when I met him he had nothing I helped him I lent him money I let him live with me i got a mortgage for us together as I was working as a teacher. And also he spent all our spare money and savings on his family he bought them appartement and cars and give them money every month. I killed myself working while I was pregnant to pay our bills and mortgage while his brothers couldn’t be bothered to work and lived off my husband. His family never accepted me I was not good enough to them and they told him to have an abortion when I was pregnant. I tried so many times to split up when we had the house together but he refused to leave when I called the police they couldn’t make him leave back then because his name was on the mortgage. It’s been a nightmare. So finally now he’s due to be released he’s calling me saying he’s sorry for everything but Denys all the sleep ING around sx texting etc.. That I caught him red handed and still wants to keep the other half of the money for himself not for our kids it’s a quarter of a million so he could atleast have some decency to give some of it to the kids in a savings account but no its all his money. I also let him 40 k but according to him I didn’t. So reading everything all of you said I’m going to forget about the money. My happiness and my kids happiness is more important. I’m managing God’s looking after me. So I told him yesterday he’s not sorry he’s lying and when he comes out he needs to sort himself out go and find his own place and Im done. I am scared he’s going to turn up at my house knocking at the door with flowers pleading for me to take him back I won’t. He will try to call me after to see the kids i will tell him he needs to go to counselling with me to see the kids. He won’t and I’ll tell him then fine you can keep the money and never see me and the kids again. He will walk then atleast I’ll be free. The thing people forget about an empath is even though we are super kind loving supportive faithful femine gentle compassionate human beings if you mess with us we will fuck you up. We get to that point when something snaps inside us unexpectly and we turn into a wild lioness protecting our cubs. I just am angry with myself that I fell for his fake act and I really thought I was in love with my soul mate and ireallly thought he loved me. He didn’t he necer will. You can ever ever trust a narc or be secure with them. There reckless behaviour and need for short term rushes of gambling drugs or lust of the feeling of falling in love or addiction to sex with different partners will always take over them. Plus they have to manipulate and control you they get a buzzand fell good about themselves by bullying and degrading you. The hardest challenge I face is his manipulation techniques to try to trick me to go back to him. And the games he’s going to ay. I’m facing the biggest hardest showdown. The game of Russian roulette. Proving without a shadow of doubt that he never loved me and just what a real assehole he really is. But as God is my witness does it hurt. I feel like he’s ripped out my heart from my chest and broken it to tiny pieces. And he’s messed about inside my brain to program me to be and do what he wants me to be anddoand he’s oppressed all my emotions and feelings. I feel like I’m just coming back to life now. I’m starting to smile to enjoy being me to do what I want and think what I want. I’m regainingmy personal freedom. Never ever ever will I go back please remind me that I’m strong enough and not to fall for his seductive manipulative charm. Please pray for me all of you are in my prayers heat and thoughts. Ann marie
Hey Ann Marie
Wow, what a story. You are strong, I can see your strong because of what you have been thru and where your at now. Your still able to enjoy your kids, your thinking for yourself, you know your direction. Well done to you.
Fear is normal, fear of the hoovering is something I really struggle with myself. ‘Your not healthy for me, the end’ that’s how to deal with hoovering IF you feel the need to respond. I honestly think you will handle it better than you think you will, I think your thoughts are running away with you on this and I think your emotions will be in check when the time comes. You’ll only take him back if YOU want that to be the case.
You seem to be a loving, kind, caring and compassionate person. I can see that by the way you speak about the kids and even the step kids. I can see that by what you have done for his family. NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER let anyone take that away from you or make you feel you are not. If you let anyone take that from you then they take you away from you.
All the best with things.
Hi Melanie, thank you for this episode.
I have used this pandemic to escape from my husband – the excuse being to stay with my elderly mother who lives on her own.
I know I would not have survived with him during the lockdown.
These past few weeks I have worked on your programme and listened to you every day, it’s been a huge help, however I am so nervous about when this is over…
I don’t want to go back to live with him but of course a lot of my belongings are still in the house. So I know it’s going to be very difficult. All I can do is continue to do NARP. I don’t have children so at least that’s not a concern, I just have to look after myself.
Thanks again Melanie, is there anything else I could be doing in these last few weeks of lockdown that would truly prepare and strengthen me for what is to come?
Love. Mary
Hi Mary,
sweetheart all you need to do is just keep clearing every fear that arises with NARP.
Your body knows exactly what you need to up level and heal from, to set you up for the most powerful and safe passage in the future.
Trust this, that is your most powerful way through.
Also Mary, are you a Gold NARP Member? If so then tap into the NARP Members Forum when you’re in need. It is such a powerful resource especially in times like!
I hope this helps.
Much love to you, and know that you are doing an amazing job!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I’ve written you before about how it was my daughter who was involved with the narcissist, but how it turned my life upside down. Before he was finished he had stolen most of our money and wreaked havoc on my property and my life through her. They’ve been split for almost two years now, but I will never recover financially from the damage he did. I’m 70 and disabled and expected my last years to at least be comfortable, but there’s no hope of that now.
The part about unrealistic entitlement really hit home. He figured he had a right to everything that was mine as well as hers because my daughter would inherit it one day. He ran up credit cards that were for remodeling and repairs that I’m still trying to pay off. The problem with taking legal action is that he has nothing I could get back from him. What he did with all the money he stole, I have no idea. I suspect he spent it on drugs. For a time I was afraid he was trying to cause me to have an “accident” so that he could steal everything from my daughter that she would inherit when I was gone. What was worse is that I started to believe she was going along with his plans to get rid of me so that he could get his hands on what he hadn’t already stolen. I don’t know if I can ever get back the feeling of love and trust I had for her before he came into her life. That is the worst damage that he did to my life.
Needless to say, this is something I will never get over because I don’t have years to recover. The one thing I am thankful for is that my daughter finally saw him for what he was before he totally destroyed both our lives. What I would like to see happen to him is not fit to print. I thank God that he is gone out of our lives and we are surviving for now.
I never knew what they called people like him before I started reading your articles. I just thought he was one of Satan’s minions. Thanks for wising me up. The sad part is there are so many of them in the world today. What’s ironic is that he claims to be “born again” and figures that all the harm he causes is forgiven (or is that just more of his lies?). Who knows?
Hi Paulette,
I really want you to know dear lady that I don’t believe that it takes years to heal. I truly believe that relief and our soul comes back very quickly when we are dedicated to releasing the inner trauma and reclaiming our Inner Being.
It can be a hard decision to try it, and it’s not even easy work. But it is possible.
There have been countless people in this community who have recovered from incredible loss no matter what age they are. And I would love everybody to have that opportunity. Because let’s face it living in trauma and pain is unbearable. We all deserve better than that.
The goal really is to be able to detach and be released from every game and every comment and everything that happened. Because at the end of the day none of that is important, what is important is you reclaiming your soul and life.
That’s just my take on it lovely lady.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel
I’ve been married for 25 yrs. I moved out of the house leaving my son there with him (he was 18 yrs old at that time) and into a rental, we haven’t divorced nor settled the estate it will be 6 yrs now that we have been separated.
Mentally and emotional i was not strong enough to fight him for the property, as we built our house on a 30 acre of land that his parents bought and he also contribute to payment for that land. We lived there for 20 yrs as a family.
In this 6 yr period ive been blamed, hoovered, manipulated and the lies OMG i knew he lied but i didn’t know to what extent, for the last 3 yrs I’ve been trying to reconcile our marriage, Why?.
When i left him i said to myself thats it im going to move on with my life no headaches. So i kept myself busy as in work had 3- 4 jobs going just to avoid him completely but then i felt sorry for him, i felt guilty so i would let him in all he did was talk, talk, talk. I got the whys, i did nothing wrong, i worked for you the family, i wont my family back. Mind you he hasn’t spoken to his daughter for 4yrs, had his family exclude her from family functions.
I told him i left you for reason “i am not happy”
He kept asking me if i was involved with someone else (there was someone but nothing serious) this was 1 yr of the separation, well he yelled out “slut” after i told him, mind you we were in a shopping center at the time. I hadn’t seen him for 6mths after that. He moved on with another woman which i happen to see them in local area right in front of my car where i parked. My heart jumped out of my mouth, i was not told that he was seeing someone so what did i do, yep i chased him down the street and this was his way back in, we decided to reconcile the marriage . He was still incontact with this person for 2yrs believe me the crazy things he got me to do was unbelievable ( i can understand how a woman can be capable of doing something drastic) i was not me, even catching him out showing the proof pledging with him, asking her if she has feelings for him. His answer to all my questions was ” you made that choice, i didn’t leave you”.
Conclusion to all this is its finally ended have not heard from him for 3 weeks, now im left with fixing the broken down me.
Since 2010 ive seen 4 psychologist 1 psychiatrist none of them has helped me i just keep reliving my nightmare then i found you Mel in my most darkest place, your blogs are fantastic you describe these people to a tea and you are 100% right for many years i was searching for answers and trying to fix him the relationship. My energy is drained some days i can’t function and now get flash backs for things he has said and done and the reasoning behind his actions which back then was fuzzy but now its clear as day.
Much love Liz
Hi Liz,
my heart goes out to you this is incredibly painful what you’ve been through.
I remember the to and fro, insanity and heartbreak with narcissist number one for five years Backwards and forwards. Words can’t even describe, and please know I know what you are feeling.
Liz, truly, I can’t recommend enough that you come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
This I know with all of my heart, that when you find out how to heal your Inner Being in a powerful and real way, that it cuts out years and years of struggle and suffering, trying to heal the cognitive way.
You so deserve that level of relief.
Much love to you and I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thanks Mal good advice.
However the narcs is my sister and her husband that visit my parents house regularly and plot.
My parents aren’t aware that they are even narcs or any game play that has been going on at their own house. Many threats planted as well.
If I explained it to mum I would look crazy, narcs will deny.
The boundary in this case is the location ‘my parents house’ where all the insanity, threats, plots are planted.
Hello Melanie,
Thank you for this video and I am in the process of leaving my Narc partner and all the things you have described I have experienced. I feel scared, but I know I need to move on, and move on quietly.
Hi Sheila,
you are very welcome and I am so pleased that this is helped.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
This is a timely video. I had to leave my husband because of relentless verbal abuse and threats. I now live in a room and he stayed in the home with my adult daughter. He makes a six figure salary and I live on my small pension. Because I inherited money he is asking for alimony. He has possession of all my property I either owned or inherited. He moved in my home with the clothes on his back. He has slander me with my children and around town and cries victim. Narp has been a life saver. We are in the midst of a nasty divorce. I wanted mediation, but its not possible. I dont like labels and I won’t say he is or is not a narcissist, but I do know the principle is the same. So within, so without. So I will keep on doing the inner work. He obviously needed to be in my life to make me realized I needed to heal. Thanks for your mission.
Hi Pat,
you are an inspiration and so courageous with what you’ve been through.
Rather than just dissolve into a victim Pat you have Dedicated yourself to the powerful inner work, and I promise you that there is so much spiritual restoration and breakthrough that will come as a result of you doing that.
Please know how welcome you are, and it warms my heart so much to help people in your situation.
Sending you love, power and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
Next month I will be clocking a year without contact and things have never been easy because am in a condition in which life won’t be the same again BUT sometimes I have beautiful peaceful moments where by I just smile at the way life has taught me it’s lessons and when am at work with my colleagues I tend to forget the things I’ve been through. Am trying my best to work on my inner wounds..
One thing that amazes me is that since I made a decision to implement no contact I’ve never looked back no stalking on social media and I don’t know where I get the strength and courage not to do this it can only be God considering the times we live in whereby you can easily see what someone is doing just by punching their name on a gadget. I look forward to a bright future with my son even though sometimes the future looks uncertain but being a believer I know it shall be well🥰
Hi Betty,
I love that you have found peace and your release.
Well done and continued love and blessings to you and your son.
Mel 🙏💕💚
I am currently still married to my N husband. We have been together for 3 years and he hasn’t let me work since I met him. It should have been a red flag in the beginning, but he was giving me more money than I was making, and I was tricked into quitting my job. He fully supports me and my 2 children (one is his) financially, so I have nothing i can call my own. If I left i would have no where to go and absolutely no money. I attempted to commit suicide 2 nights ago, and he walked in and “saved” me. He was crying hysterically and promised to do better. He was nice for a day and a half, then last night he became physically abusive. I have bruises on my neck and my esophagus is sore and swollen. He did it because of sex, because I was uncomfortable licking his butt hole and urinating on his face. Its absolutely ridiculous. I am contemplating which is more important, my life, or my marriage and the financial security for me and my children that comes with my marriage. I know I am unable to financially take care and provide for my children without him. We have no where to go if I leave. How do I escape a situation like this? Please help me Melanie, as I am becoming more and more unstable everyday and I feel like my only option is to die. I need a one on one with you desperately. But I don’t even know how I could do that without him knowing. I have absolutely no one to talk to as I am not allowed to have friends. I need help from someone who understands, please please help me
Hi Bobbie,
I really urge you to reach out to a domestic violence Hotline in your area, when he is not in the house. It’s time to reach out to these resources sweetheart, and be very honest about what you’re going through.
There are solutions and support available for you absolutely, please know that many services will help you, Including shelter.
This is the most important thing to stabilise for you right now, my work is more about the next steps, which I am happy to help you with, with sponsorship to NARP when the time is right. NARP can also be used in conjunction with you being able to be safe, which is not my specific area of work.
Please make sure that you reach out to the services in your area Bobbie.
Sending you prayers and love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you! Your response means a lot! I am currently on day 6 of the 16 day program you offer. It brings me hope knowing I am not alone in dealing with this. Your Facebook posts are always spot on for what I need to hear that day. God led me to your page, and I am so grateful for that! I just need someone to talk to. I am holding all these emotions inside and I need to know that I am not crazy, I need someone to listen and to confirm that it’s not me that is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am. Thank you for what you do! You are helping me more than you know!
You are not the crazy one! Try not to telegraph that you are planning on taking the children and leaving for a safe place. Narcs are excellent at reading your mind so be careful.
Hi Bobbie,
It is my pleasure!
That’s so great that you are already connected up to my material. Bobbie, I cannot recommend enough NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp because not only do you get the powerful inner shifts that midwife more healing and restoration than anything I know of (humbly) but also you have access to an incredible 24/7 forum of thousands of people from all over the world who have gone through exactly what you are.
It is the most supportive healing container you could imagine.
All of this is my highest suggestion for you, and will help you through to the next stage of your real recovery. Please know that you don’t need to heal alone.
Sending all my love to you, as well as courage and strength
Mel 🙏💕💚
How do I get away from two narcissist males
Being Discarded by a Loving Caring Compassionate Person would be a Tragic event, being discarded by a Narcissist is Truly God’s way of Escape, just run and Don’t look back ,shared Parenting can be hard, but not impossible, just set Strict Guidelines that Protect you and your Children and remain as normal as Possible for yourself and them. And when the Nark starts parading their new Victim/ sorry love ha, feel sorry for that person because that was us once, and they too are on a Path of losing everything, as we know from Experience that relationship will all end in tears too, and in the Future, don’t Compromise on anything, your better than that and You Deserve The Best, Real Love Does Exist and it’s Just Waiting for You, Blessings Col
Because of out traumas its a difficult journey to enter…but what I can guarantee you is when you enter and do mel s work its priceless….patience is key to this journey if you rush the nac will hurt you again we must do for us not for them they don’t deserve us…thank you for your program
Hi Letwin,
You are very welcome, and I’m so pleased that NARP has helped you.
It’s so true, we deserve our own True Self.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I finally realised after 23 yrs of marriage what I was actually living with. I came started to look into it more and came across the word narcissist and researched it more BANG
light went on for me was him down to tee.
I had a feeling I was not the only one in our marriage and could never do right for wrong
Anyway after drama and lots of drama told him and his mother to go as I had moved his mum in with me and it was like double nightmare. His mum knew all about this old high school sweetheart he called her , they had lots of history together and unbeknown to me she got a job many years ago where he worked.
I got saw what was coming and oh I was discarded like I never existed and my children .
I knew solicitors were going to cost loads so I took money from joint account and payed for them through thinking ahead . He had hidden money everywhere over the years. Went to final court not so long ago and I was granted so much more then him as all his lies and his behaviour showed on his letters from his solicitors. I left court happy , he did not .
Even now he does his best to smear me but I do laugh as I worked out what he was. Coming across Melanies site online and reading more on this
I feel so much better
I am waiting for house to be sold and that to me is the last tie to this man.
Hi Melanie. Yes, discarded again after three weekends together.
Everything fine this morning. This afternoon phone call was it’s over ago.
When fixing her computer on Saturday afternoon she made sure I saw emails from dating sites she’s on. Then got angry at me for it.
I’ve expected it this time though, and some Valium has helped tonight.
I’m the reason she drinks too much
I’m the reason she melts down at me when drunk.
My living arrangements are why she’s unhappy, even though I had to leave when we were living together and getting verbally abused almost nightly.
(Bit when I mention that it all my fault, not hers)
I asked her, how can you hurt me like this again?
I was told, I don’t care about you.
But she did all weekend…….
Saving myself now.
Just not worth it.
I give up.
Thank you all.
Hi Clint,
yes, it is unmakeable deal.
Time to heal you!
You’ve got this!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Melanie,
I thank God all the time that I am NOT in a relationship right now. I ended my last relationship a year and a half ago. This is a bit of my story. I am in my early 60’s and have been in relationships with Narc’s my entire life. I am grateful for this extra time I have right now. I had a loving person tell me a short time ago that I may want to read up on Narcissists and this brought me to listening to U-Tube video one after the other. Then I did your Webinar and I am on my 2nd day of the 16 day program. I had psychotherapy for 3-5 years. As you know we, survivor/thrivers can’t always remember some things due to trauma after trauma. Thank you so much for all you do for me/us that are meandering around trying to figure out how to go about this process and heal.
Anyone or place making you sick or your life hell is worth avoiding. Even if they’re not technically a narcissist, if it’s harming you and creating problems or unnecessary suffering, don’t stay involved with that. Get away from it!