The fear, shame and anger after narcissistic abuse can be incredibly intense. And, you may be suffering a host of other horrific emotions that are in obsessional repeat.
Feelings like heartbreak, regret, intense loss and total disbelief regarding what happened.
Sadly, many people after narcissistic abuse, never learn how to process these emotions effectively. Often, the best they can do is to barely manage these awful ongoing feelings.
This is only a recovery of survival; it certainly isn’t how you can Thrive after narcissistic abuse. We can get better and do better!
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I take you through the truth regarding how to process these emotions to gain freedom from them, so that you can access the life that myself and many other Thrivers are blessed to experience.
Video Transcript
Many people are shocked at the emotional effects that narcissistic abuse has had on them.
I know that you may be feeling the substantial trauma of incredible fear, shame and anger.
You may agonise over what is going to happen to you and your life now, and to those you love.
And, how on earth did you let this get so bad and allow all these things to happen to you?
And, how could this person be so cruel, malicious and conscienceless to do the things that they did?
Your emotional traumas may be so activated that it feels almost impossible to face normal tasks and get on with your life.
How do you process these intense emotions?
How can you let them go so that you can continue with life?
I’m going to explain exactly how that is possible in today’s TTV episode, in direct, powerful and fast ways.
Okay so let’s get started …
The first step is …
Know That Acceptance is Vital
In many ways, the first step is the hardest of all.
And I promise you that it is also the most vital because without this step you can’t reach the next ones.
Traditionally, there was a belief that there was a necessary process and long timeline for moving through grief and loss.
On the forefront of narcissistic abuse recovery, I promise you that this isn’t necessary. There are inner processes that surpass the need for these drawn-out stages … such as shock, denial, pain and guilt, anger, depression and so on and so forth.
These stages can be shifted out and moved through much more quickly. This is not about rushing them. This is about ensuring you don’t have to go through extended emotional agony that just isn’t necessary for true recovery.
The deeper Quantum Path and Spiritual Truth that starts with acceptance takes you from having a normal and often extreme suffering experience to a more extraordinary experience that teaches you that pain is inevitable, yet indefinite and ongoing suffering is no longer necessary.
The truth is by the time you need healing, you have already been through shock and denial and enormous amounts of pain, guilt, anger and depression and all the negative feelings that go with abuse.
There is an ability to wake up out of this and shift beyond this quite quickly.
I have found this capacity to be equally consistent for people just finding out they have been narcissistically abused, and those who have been suffering for decades. Time is not the criteria. What is the defining factor is the willingness to engage in acceptance.
What Is the Acceptance I’m Talking About?
It’s not everyday acceptance such as, “Oh gosh, this really did happen to me!” Rather it is a deep spiritual Quantum acceptance of, “Everything happens for a reason, and there is something for me to learn, heal and evolve here.”
And, “By doing so I can take my power back, release myself from this trauma, person and experience, and be able to enter more evolved experiences that are healthier and much more fulfilling for me.”
And, “This experience, as horrific as it has been, is helping me heal, awaken and enter a life that will truly gratify my heart and soul.”
In other words, it is the total understanding of, “I NEED to heal!”
I promise you, in the ten plus years that I’ve been helping others deeply heal and Thrive after narcissistic abuse, I have seen some dear souls get this immediately, and others that it takes longer to awaken to. Some never do at all.
Regardless, I bless everybody’s experience, because where you are at, is where you are at.
Personally, I nearly had to die to accept this. I was stubborn. I firmly believed that I was a victim, that he was a monster, and that there was absolutely no learning in this for me at all.
Thankfully, right at almost death’s knock, when there was virtually nothing left of me to live, I had the massive shift to want to partner my Soul and my Inner Being and heal the parts of me that I needed to.
That is when my true healing began. Without this shift, I would have died. I am certain of that.
Then I healed up those parts of myself which I used to self-abandon and cling to people and try to force them to love and accept me and grant me security. I finally learned how to be a healthy whole adult woman in her own body, capable of generating this for myself.
It took work, but it was so worth it.
I promise you that it will be the same for you.
Be Prepared to do the Inner Work
You may be starting to understand that inner work is vital to change your life.
We can’t change abusers. We can’t round them up and put them on an island in exile. We don’t even have structures and systems which can reliably hold these people accountable, let alone put them away.
But you can, in most circumstances, deeply and powerfully change yourself in order to have different experiences. As well as be an example to others to empower them to do the same.
It can be very hard for you to accept the following truth until you start living it – the only reliable way to get a narcissist firmly out of your life, it is to completely purge them out of your Inner Being first.
This may seem woo woo, like some spiritual New Age jargon.
Yet it is a highly quantifiable Quantum Truth, which you will understand when you start to live it as a life principle (not just regarding narcissists but for anything that is unwanted in your life).
The inner feeling and composition that you have precedes the outer events. When you have purged every vestige of the trauma, fear, pain and heartbreak of a narcissist out of your system, he or she becomes completely irrelevant.
Then this person emotionally and energetically has absolutely no emotional effect on you. That is when the spell is broken; they cannot extract narcissistic supply anymore, and everything they try to do starts to fall over and ultimately fails.
Without the ability to be able to get a feed anymore, the narcissist must depart from your life experience.
And they do.
This is totally in alignment with Quantum Law, so within, so without. When nothing of the narcissist remains inside of you, regardless of what he or she is up to, then the outer will shift to match it.
The same goes for every single thing in your life. When it’s gone on the inside emotionally, you will have the inspirations, power and confidence, as well as all of the support from legal and outside forces to assist in the elimination of this individual or thing.
In this Community, every week we receive beautiful glowing reports from people who are working with the NARP program being awarded wonderful property settlements and full custody rights of their children.
The consistent reports are not a coincidence. These people did the diligent inner work to clear out their fears and painful trauma-bonding to the narcissist. Then solution entered.
The inner work is so much more powerful than just trying to obtain knowledge. We must deeply change at the core of our Inner Being to be different and do differently. It’s almost impossible to try to think our way out of the terror, pain and horrific feelings that go with narcissistic abuse. It is so much easier to have a process to shift them out, and just go free from them.
Then you are no longer disempowered by them.
Being Triggered Happens – It’s How You Deal With it That Matters
We were all brought up to try to escape our painful feelings, instead of meeting them.
As a Thriver, I now know a different truth. I know that when I am triggered, it’s signalling me to a deep as yet unhealed part of myself and the situation or person bringing it to my attention is an A.I.D., an Angel In Disguise, posing as a difficult person or situation to help me find and reprogram this part of myself to evolve myself into a more actualised human being.
This has completely changed my life beyond description.
Yes, I still get triggered. I am totally human. I even share about these triggers on social media so that I can help inspire people to continually evolve rather than suffer in their triggers.
Before Thriving I used to self-avoid, self-abandon and self-medicate myself with distractions and addictions. Things such as workaholism, smoking, excessive social media use and socialising, drinking, hanging on to people who were hurting me, and trying to get them to take away my pain for me.
I used to do everything other than turn inwards to heal myself, and of course the false substitutes I used for comfort only granted fleeting relief and the pain kept coming back. Because I didn’t understand that the triggers were the signal to heal myself.
Now, I adore being triggered with any feelings of fear, shame, anger and pain that is the human experience.
Absolutely I feel it. I am a sensitive person, just as I know many of you are too!
Now I fully embrace courageously my opportunity for evolution. What else is there to do if I don’t want a crappy life stuck in repeat with the same pain?
I know that when this happens to me if I turn inwards with love to myself and do a Quantum Freedom Healing (NARP Module) then I will release the trauma and the accompanying painful and false belief systems, and immediately reprogram them with my Superconscious/Source Self.
Then automatically I’m changed. I am no longer the old program of the painful emotions. I have shifted into peace, wisdom and solution instead.
This means the panic, helplessness and hopelessness is gone and is replaced with a solid and sound understanding of what to do.
I promise you that you will have the same experience when you start living this life.
There is another incredible and beautiful benefit. As you evolve upwards you don’t have to keep repeating the same painful cycles. You reach into higher echelons of love and life, ones that you didn’t have access to before doing the inner work.
No longer will you keep saying, “Why is my life always like this?” Because you will be in the driver’s seat of changing it for real.
If you deeply understand this, please pause this video and let me know in your comments below by writing, “I get it!”
If you are ready to access this level of healing, by doing the necessary inner healing, then join me by clicking this link.
And, if you enjoyed this, I’d love you like and share it with other people who you know are also struggling with processing their emotional suffering.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
I get it…..I get lots of triggers too….the trick is to recognize them quickly
I get it. I just ended my relationship with narc . I know I was being triggered but handled it badly. I self abandoned. I realize now this person was a catalyst bc I have more healing to do. Had it not been for him I wouldn’t have known. I am ready to heal those parts of myself that are hurt. Thank you Melanie for this program.
Hi Nancy,
You are very welcome.
Its wonderful that you know it’s your time to heal.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
That’s so true Laura,
Bless
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it Mel, so happy for the information
That’s great Luisa,
Bless you.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Is walking away good enough? Nothing I say will help, right?
“pain is inevitable, yet indefinite and ongoing suffering is no longer necessary”. So powerful. Thank you, Melanie! ❤️
I am getting it… I self-avoided for decades keeping myself busy with many things: work, advanced education – afraid to turn inward – I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. I kept trying harder to be ‘better’. I appreciate what I have learned so far – in terms of the beauty of ‘self-partnering’ and of acknowledging and appreciating the triggers as opportunities to look inward and to actively engage in healing and becoming a Thriver not just a surviver. Thank you Melanie for sharing your insights.
Hi Helga,
That’s great that this resonated with you.
Much love.
Mel 🙏💕💚
I just ditched my malignant narc boyfriend before he could actually discard me ,three days ago. He became verbally abusive towards me just recently, and also has an alcohol addiction. He yelled at me for the smallest reasons, became less caring, and was behaving in bizarre ways before I decided to let him go. We had broken up once last year in the summer, but got back together again after he cried while I tried to get my personal belongings out of his apartment. This time, I didn’t respond to his nasty rude text messages for two days. I gave him the silent treatment this time, and it drove him crazy that I was ignoring him. Finally, I texted him, in a very straight up tone, that he was to courier my belongings from his place immediately. He became rude again, and I ignored that. He finally left my stuff at my apartment door, and I got them after he left. I am done now. His behaviour became so rapidly abusive and awful in a short period of time, about a month. I feel relieved to be free, but I do feel hurt, shocked at his behaviour, and I am now trying to heal myself from all the lies, deceit, manipulation and verbal abuse. Thank you for sending me the results to the Narcissism Quiz online. He did all of those things to me. Now, it is time for me to heal fully. My ex husband was also a malignant narc and this recent one was very good at hiding it, for just over a full year, before his ugliness fully came out. Thank you for sending me your healing articles and advice, which I do really need right now, as I feel lonely and hurt.
I get it Melanie. This is exactly what I needed today. I am following your guidance as there truly is nothing else to do.
Hi Kathy,
I’m so pleased this helped.
Many blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I wish I could afford the course, feel so lost.. I question not only myself but my reality, I was so cleverly manipulated.. I was very in love with this person who controlled me and was not at all the person I thought they were.. I can’t even prove it.. To anybody .. He was so good at turning things around.. Gaslighting I believe its called.. Lied but made it look like the truth, confused me, made me feel bad about my job, my family and myself.. I think I only left because his anger had scared me to the point of literally running away, went through serious depression.. But did it.. Six months no contact. I then get pointed to a video he’s put out. Lying about his life, me and how I took a year out of his time… I thought I’d moved on.. But I’m so hurt.. I don’t understand this type of behaviour.. All I ever wanted was to be in love. Before him, I had been on my own for 10 years… It took a lot to take the step to open up to somebody, then he completely broke me 😢 I’m so angry at myself for falling for it all.. I know I need to heal still.. I just don’t know how to start.. Your videos and talks are what keep me going, so thank you with all my heart.
Janet..have been there everyone in this community has…Don’t be so hard on yourself, the Narc is very good at reading us and pretending to be just what we want to suck us in…be sure and sign up for Melanie’s 16 day course..
What help me to forgive myself is watching Melanie’s videos on what and why a Narc
Is…Hang in there and be good to yourself…you deserve it..
Please don’t beat yourself up. You were being you and he was the one feeding off your love.
He is the one who has the issues. You have something that he is jealous of and he wants to discredit you in anyway shape or form. Seriously, it’s him not you. He is the one who is broken.
My ex tried to have me charged with assault against our three boys because after a year and a half of being single I finally had a boyfriend. He seriously went to the police with my boys, had my boys give statements that this happened (he mind f$&@?ed them). This is all while he was actually the one who was assaulting my boys. It took me 6 months and $10k later to get my boys away from him. Now because the judge says it has to be supervised visits he hasn’t even attempted to contact my boys.
So…just let him be him….all you have to do is sit back and watch him self destruct. If people believe what he says about you correct them but don’t get upset. We need to stop feeding the monster. He will get bored with you and move on.
I now feel bad for my ex because he will never know what real love is.
Hi Janet,
Please know that you can apply to my lovely support team [email protected] for NARP sponsorship in financial difficulty.
We dont wish to limit anyone in need.
I hope this helps.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I also need help. 27 years of marriage and I’m now finding out about so many lies, cheating, financial deceits. Then he has a stroke from excessive hidden drinking that then sends him into hyper mania. Two and a half months in the hospital ,psych ward and rehab. He’s home ,going about his day as if none of this happened! Refuses to talk about. Tells me all the dr were full of shit. Wants to forget and move on. Now we have massive hospital bills to pay and with the lockdown we are stuck together. Before the stroke I told him I was leaving. Now with the bills it’ll be months before I can leave. Melody I would love to do your program if there is a discount version. I’ve done the 16 day class and it was great. He’s got me on short purse strings. But I half about half of what I need stashed away. Who would I talk to about payment options. He’s talking about quitting his mood stabilizers. If that happens it’s gonna get tough and rough in here. He’s gonna be a total domination monster.
Thank you for your sharing exact my words too .
Feel in same way .wish you luck in the healing .
Lots of hugs
Sounds like you are talking about me.
It has been three years of not knowing how to get through the day. Keep on the path is all I know to do.
It is getting better. This life is suffering, but when you realize it is for a reason and then you begin to understand the reasoning. It does help.
Keep on the path. God loves you.
I get it
I NEED this!
I still have triggers. I take a breath, and get it, thanks to you!
Bless you Jude,
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie
I’ve followed you for at least 3 years now. I bought your NARP program but didn’t understand it at all, I just didn’t get it so you refunded me and thankyou. Things have moved on massively since my first email to you.
It started with my son treated horribly by his wife, unknown to me as she was lovely or so I thought. He has a narc father, who I protected him from all his life. His wife suddenly left and I was devastated but he suddenly picked up with a beautiful, shy but charismatic girl who gained my trust and I confided in her as she did me. Things started to go a bit weird and my gut told me something was wrong! I then started reading about personality disorders, which I knew nothing about and I said to my husband, this is you, 44 years and I didn’t know, just thought, oh this is your personality, deal with it, verbal, mental, physical abuse! I had no idea! I then got into blogs, google, came across you and your plight. It was as though things had been written about my life there in front of me in black and white. The more I read the more it made sense. I couldn’t handle the abuse I was getting from this girl who I thought was lovely, the lies, the incredible stories about her past life, the things I said were turned around and I got the blame for everything but no matter what I said to my son I was told, I don’t see that, you don’t know her she’s not the person you are portraying. I walked away, went no contact! I was so stressed and eventually as is the case I got breast cancer, my own narc took an od on the morning of my op! To cut a really long story short he’s now got dementia, we are on psychiatrist number 6 cos no one can figure him out and no one is listening to me, even though I’ve brought up the npd and I’m dealing with my own problems, in lockdown with him pacing the house and dealing with everything as usual! I’m still being triggered and I’ve lost all trust in everyone, don’t know who to believe anymore! I went back to the narp but I just don’t get it!! I can feel the pain in my stomach, that’s where it has always been, my gut feeling all along but I can’t shift it! This is a very short version of the last 3 years if you can believe that lol, there’s so much that has been left out but it’s killing me. I pray for everyone, especially those who are worried or scared about everything that’s happening in the world at the moment but I just want peace and someone, anyone to believe me. Thank goodness I have my faith and hope that things will get better! You have been my saviour Melanie and made me realise not everyone is kind in this world. I was told I was “too sensitive” and “mentally unstable” but my son doesn’t believe me. He is half narc, his father, half empath, with values and morals instilled by me but is never wrong and has an answer for everything, just like his father! Help me please!
You need to do the Narp program.Only You can do it for yourself. Stop telling yourself you cannot. Get it again, and do it a module at a time, ……the new shorter version modules are very manageable. The help is in doing the inner releasing of your traumas …..change your thoughts around cannot to I can and I will.
I am in a very similar position after 43 years with my husband I left 18 months ago… Now because of lock down I have had to go back to our house that I was trying to sell as lockdown could bring the final financial ruin that I’ve been fighting hard to avoid…. The programme has helped me so much I discovered the deep roots of what was making me take the abuse and undermining and I’m using them all regularly over and over to clear them out which is hard and not finished yet… My husband has had signs of dementia for the past few years…. I felt guilty leaving…. However no doctor confirms this dementia and it comes and goes…. I have never been able to discern if the dementia is real or a ploy he uses… And in the end I decided it didn’t really matter as after all the years of his other behaviours of classic manipulation and abuse I had to save myself no matter what to grab a few final years of peace in my life… Lockdown has temporarily forced me back… So far I’ve suffered verbal abuse, anger, cutting criticisms, his depressive cut off miraculously ‘cured’ yesterday by his taking a pill… Back to short lived caring and charm etcetc. It’s hard to be back here again a real challenge not to be sucked back in….. I’m not quite healed enough to rise above it all its a time I could have done without…. I think I want to say to you what I wanted someone to say to me… It doesn’t matter if your partners behavior or illnesses are real or not…. You must save yourself not them… I’m frightened of getting trapped by his mental health and worrying what people will think of me for deserting this pathetic old man which of course he actually is not to everyone else outside and to family who he can portray himself to as a victim of my cruelty… And if he is really ill it’s a hard thing to live with knowing you left and broke up the home… I can’t give up now and desert myself but it’s the many years together that binds us the familiar roller-coaster of our time together behind closed doors that no one else sees… The classic couple in Father Ted arguing and stopping suddenly to keep up the front… It’d be funny if it wasn’t so real…. I’m able to not react so much these days but I can’t risk my health getting damaged again as it’s only just on the mend since I left…. Lockdown will pass eventually…. whether it brings financial ruin or whatever… Nothing is more important than risking losing your life…. I live in hope for the moment…. I know it’s not easy…
Dear Julia,
You are a brave and heroic soul with endless amounts of courage. Please give yourself a big pat on the back and thank the universe for the ability to express your your inner being to the rest of us.
First of all…feel the protection that we as thrivers wrap around your soul now. Melanie has passed on this gift and I can assure you, once in your heart, will become a lifeline.
I have been there big time…..had hyper blood pressure that could have caused extreme brain damage from NPD. Melanie threw me a life preserver as I was thrashing away in a raging sea of abuse. I grabbed hold of it in total desperation……she reeled me in slowly……I gave NARP my best…….it took patience, trust, honesty and work……..today, Melanie said in this video and it hit home with me,
“Now, I adore being triggered with my feelings of fear, shame,anger and pain. That is the human experience.”
“Losing our fear and becoming peace and power. Is the only thing to do.
Melanie Tonia Evens
Hi Julia,
As B has said below, I can only help people with severe trauma, who are not receiving enough of a shift with my blogs and videos with the deeper healing effects of NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
There is an incredible NARP community http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member where we can help guide and coach you with the program.
I hope this helps you feel more supported with understanding and the possibility of working successfully with NARP.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I GET IT! This is good! For myself personally,…as you said, I have to accept! Meaning, that I have to accept, meaning, “I have to OWN my part” and quit shifting the blame. I’ve accepted lies as Truth, and that’s what I now have to OWN. I made the choice to believe a lie (whether it was conscious or unconscious) and NOW it’s time to OWN it before my creator who loves me with an everlasting, uncondemning LOVE with only the purpose to set me free. And Melanie! As you always emphasize & teach us “as within, as without”! Truth from above! Everything that pertains to LIFE and Godliness lives within us. Thank you so much for your tender love of identifying & not judging us….because you, yourself have walked through it. You carry a true experientiial compassion of strength, void of a futile coddling….that propels us to Life, instead of drawing us to yourself or a futile solution. Thanks for your loving and gentle support that points us to the Truth “the ONLY One who can set us free. Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!!!!
Hi Aneas,
Hun thank you for you so thoughtful and conscious post.
I always love your contributions.
Sweetheart please know I teach what I most need to learn, and we are all definitely in a time where we are pushed to truly anchor within.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it! Great video and love the written transcript! Love and prayers to all during this difficult time.
Hi Susan,
Thank you for your love and prayers.
Sending many to you lovely lady.
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it! It’s comforting to know there are others who know exactly how I feel.
Hi J,
So pleased you feel validated.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
Each week gets better and better. I am learning to be content with myself. For me there is faith involved. It truly is the substance of things hoped for. At the gas station ⛽️ this guy was being totally rude to me. In times past, I could have squared him away at the drop of a hat. Instead, I had the confidence to reply with a soft response. I didn’t need to match what he was putting out. I look forward to the weeks and months ahead as I stay submerged with quantum freedom healing. We have the freedom to create whatever we like. We don’t necessarily need to wait. It can happen in the twinkling of an eye. Thank you again for your presence Mel. 🧚🏼
Hi David,
I’m so happy for you that you are having these breakthroughs.
So inspirational!
Keep rocking it David. You are so welcome.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I GET IT!
Awesome Lisa!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Thank you for guiding me and sharing your unfortunate narcissism experiences with us, Melanie. I’m recently out of a 30-year narcissistic marriage, thanks to you. I am healing, and it feels like I’ve been released from prison.
Life is blissful, and I’m getting to know myself!
Never had time for that.
Hi Linda,
It’s my pleasure.
Awww I’m so so happy for you.
So much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I Get it Mel. I’ve been realising this slowly… but it hit home yesterday and grounded as I listened to you speak… you saying that you would have died made me cry… I feel that too. I know my Angel in disguise and I must give them a whole lot of the credit… for loving and protecting me that much.
When I was in the thick of my trauma… I listened to you talking about smoking all those fags and I never was a heavy smoker… but I can remember thinking… how could she give up… I could never… I thought it was all beyond my reach and was just waiting for revenge and karma… on auto pilot. Four months after my awakening and less than a year after the discard… I am a non smoker, I don’t binge and I’m indescribably in love with ‘The One’
It’s such a shame that some people don’t ‘wake up’ even though you explain things so well… done people need a shove and some can’t ever commit to themselves or the work. I’ve got a soul that is too good to waste on bitterness, anger and regret… you think that the narcissist has captured your heart, but they are stealing your soul… now I know why The song Red Red Wine… resonated deeply… let these narcs keep drinking their Red Wine from a box and blot out what they did to us… it’s like a fuzzy bad dream to me… they are living the nightmare.
I can’t wait to come to a convention where you are… give you a love and say thanks for your videos in person
Mel x
Hi Melissa,
Bless you sweetheart. I feel you too.
You should be so so proud of you.
I cant wait to see you at an event and share a hug either.
Big love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it!
Hello
I am sick in every level and my body mental and physsical cant relax to do the healing a pray and pray and my mind fight to acceptens and coming out from denial .did go back over and over and lost myself so much its to live or die know.i must forgive myself that is the hardest .i did the program when it dident have gone so far when a had litle lifeforce still and it was a mirical that it wad working so good in two weeks it get better then years of teraphi .
I am very isolited and alone in this some day i have hard to write .i clode be nice to get to know more that try to heal .feel so missunderstood and alone in this.
I get it!
Hi
I have been listening to your videos and just when I feel I am getting stronger, I fall apart. The abuser is my son, divorced with my two granddaughters. I do see them when they are with their mom and do have quality time with them. But I am feeling the loss of having my son in my life now. He has now cut me out completely because I just had to stop the abuse from him and it was me who first cut him out. He has now made trouble with my other son and me and I am feeling so miserable now and feeling guilt. The things he has done will shock you but there are just too many to tell you. Now with this lockdown due to the Coronavirus I am alone with my feelings of sadness, loss and loneliness. It’s terrible and I just need to speak to him but he won’t take my calls. And doesn’t respond to messages which I did to him initially
because of his abuse. So I am in a state of mixed confusion of guilt that I had caused all this. How do I get myself back on track. Together with this fear of the Coronavirus and the lockdown and being cooped up on my own, I’m falling apart. Please help me. I don’t know what to do and just am now crying all the time.
Help!
“But you can, IN MOST CIRCUMSTANCES, deeply and powerfully change yourself in order to have different experiences. As well as be an example to others to empower them to do the same.”
Good Morning, Melanie. Can you please give an exception to deep and powerful change in most circumstances? I’m the kind to ruminate over what that might be.
What I want to know is will this program help for past child sexual abuse. Narcs abuse and my mum was a narcissist also, but her abuse was more emotional neglect, scapegoating and physical abuse. I have the silver Narc programme and the traumas come up as “cant go there” like so severe that cant be accessed. I think this is the CSA. Can you give me any advise on how to process these “cant go there” too painful traumas.
One heart with courage is a majority.
Robert F Kennedy
I get it! And I am seeing what I get manifested in my life through the NARP program. This program is priceless yet the cost for the program is so affordable and so low relative to the benefits it bestows. Thank you Melanie! Thank you!
Hi Joseph,
Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement to others.
It was so important for me to make NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp accessible to all people in need, no matter what their circumstances.
It can be so hard for people to invest in self when so much has been lost with narcissists.
However the real question is, what our our souls and us leading the way for those we love worth?
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it, I am a NARP already.
Hi Alex,
I’m so pleased this resonated and that you are already NARPing.
Blessing to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel,
I get it! It is over two years since I escaped my nightmare now and your help was fundamental to me making it to the other side.
I am content in lockdown, happy with my own thoughts and in my own skin and still discovering the real me again.
My Narc went to prison for what he did to me and my children and your programme gave me the courage to seek justice and put him there!
Now everyone knows who he is and what he is. I am blessed with strong family, friends, love and excitement for the future and the journey has been hard, but SO WORTH IT! Thank you x
Hi Sarah,
it’s lovely to hear from you and I am so thrilled for you that you have broken through at that level.
I love that NARP helped you get the strength to get justice.
Much love to you and yours
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it!
I just need a day of calm and rest.
I walked away Les than 24 hours ago, I’m processing the anger quicky thanks to Mel and realizing where the anger needs to be and how to let go.
I am trying to not let the shock drown me, asI knew it would be happening soon.
Narc rolls on a 16 to 20 month cycle. By the time I sorted out it’s been 16 months since last kick in the teeth (I love you,I want our marriage to work to I despise and hate you and am in love with someone else…blah blah) I was able to find the was to the surface of the black pool of shock and grief fairly quickly.
Narc actually said ” I need someone new, you won’t buy what I’m selling anymore.”
I have been hanging in until youngest is 18 because by 18 he looses interest in the kids.
That way there will be no ties at all and he can float away.
I get it!
Is it possible to do this inner healing if you are unable to walk away and leave the Narc?
Reading all your stories makes me realize that I am not the only one and sometimes feels like I am imagining the emotional abuse or maybe it is denial that it is real and not normal.
I get so angry and disappointed with myself for allowing him to trigger me because as we know that is what they thrive on. Why do I fall for it every time?
Is it worth hoping and having faith that things will come right/change? After 25 years of marriage? God is the only one that can work a miracle in this alcoholic abuse situation .
I am so so drained and tired of been on guard all the time. Especially during this lockdown period with both our beautiful children home from boarding school and university
Hi Ttacey,
Please know yes you can work with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp whilst still attached.
By healing and empowering you Dear Lady you will see if he has the resources to meet you at a level of your healthy boundaries and if not, you will have the strength and power to leave.
I hope this helps.
Much love
Mel 🙏💕💚
I get it and I had the realization today that this extra time alone and away from other people which has been forced on me by the world situation is actually an opportunity for me to self partner and to improve my self partnering abilities.
Thst is so true Amy,
Many blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕💚
I want to get it and heal! I just feel too broken down to defeated.
Hi Sheleen,
That’s so great that this is your intention.
Please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar so that I can help show you how this is possible no matter how broken that you feel.
There truly is a way up and out of this.
Sending you love and strength
Mel 🙏💕💚
I so wish to get this course . From
The last 2 yrs , Have been signing up but the course fees pull me back. 12 yrsof marriage. Realised it very late when I started speaking up for myself . Have to stick in due to kids but want to free myself of the pain and become a wall .. pls help .. it’s a cycle . I have been trying to come out , be strong and then again something happens .. small
Silly topics and the arguments goes bigger and he starts pointing fingers at me .. he doesn’t even Carr for all I did these 12 yrs ,, but he is like this to only me .. not to others .. breaks my heart .. it has started affecting my relationship with my kids .. don’t want this to happen .. want to become strong and emotionally detached .. pls help . With this lock
Down things gonna go worse .. I am scared of speaking to him because don’t know what would lead into an arguments and then he feels it’s silent treatment which I had given earlier and again doesn’t like it ..
I get it, Melanie, I really get it! I just finished module 10 a few days ago and look forward to revisiting them and moving onward and upward!
Love and Light,
Kathryn
That’s so beautiful that you get it Kathryn,
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hello,
Great post Mel, thank you. I struggle with fear, shame, and anger almost on a daily basis even though I’ve gone no contact with my narcissistic parents. What I also struggle with often is bullies.
I was just wondering if you could write an article sharing your wisdom on the topic of bullying, such as high school and/or workplace bullying. After going through hell because of my narcissistic parents I was bullied pretty often in high school. I hold a lot of resentment and anger because of that. I was wondering if you could talk about dealing with that.
Thank you,
Jack
Hi Jack,
Yes this would be a great topic to talk about! I may well do this.
Jack are you aware that NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp allows you to shift out and let go of those traumas powerfully?
It is exactly how many people in this community have healed, including from bullying.
I’d love you to come into my fee webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to learn how you can get fast relief.
Sending you healing and breakthrough
Mel 🙏💕💚
thank you Melanie. i also can not afford your course but i am doing everything i can to look into my child self- trying to find out who I AM and hold my own hand and not any one else’s. I agree now and can see it will be worth it. i’m desperate to be truly free of this man who has hurt me (and my 3 gorgeous children) so much for almost 30 years
melanie- you so beautifully describe what i thought was the indescribable – exactly as i experienced it – 27 years of being hoovered and discarded at his timings -never mine. You totally understand the absolute torture of wanting love from a person who just cannot give it. A person who only knows how to exploit, manipulate, lie shamelessly, betray and lie and lie again and again to your face… yet he still manages to be convincing and often succeeds in disguising it all. Especially to others. He has another 2 sources of supply. i saw it. i unravelled all the lies over years. i tried to kill myself.
i now can see that for me, the very worst was my betrayal of myself to me. i can see this through the huge lift up of help i got from your first module those visualisations and now from reading your blogs. Thank you for all your insights and wisdoms.
In the last few years i started trying to go no contact, but often got hoovered back.. once i stayed away for 8 months. . I even claimed “it’s all over permanently” to my lovely caring family and friends – who all despised him and then I actually lied to these family & friends when i went back to him. I felt so ashamed. That was the most terrible place for me to sink to. When i did this i was scared and and i knew … it’s NOT ME … but this addiction to this narcissist always sucked me back in like a drug addict. It overpowered my other true self. Then after going back a few times in the last 2 years it became increasingly awful as i tried to assert myself. Yes. He said I was “cooky” and “psychotic” and then treated me with such cold disdain or else raging scary abuse – he’d withhold sex to taunt me. I made myself sick. my own telling of lies to the truly good people in my life also made me physically sick. i lost 15 kilos in a short space of time. i stopped eating.
Now – with self loving in the time of Covid i’m spending time each day trying to do the same exercise you created in the first free module. it is making a HUGE difference Melanie . somehow i can feel the old me coming back! i’m enjoying life. i feel calm. i feel true to me. i don’t feel anxious nor angry or desperate as i so often have done. To be honest there are still times that i do feel overwhelmed with sadness that this happened to me. BUT I’m trying to avoid allowing myself to be the victim. Whenever i feel those self pity tears welling up – i ve been trying to truly let it go and from the inside love the real me i’m quite enjoying the challenge of re-discover unwrapping this person… the true me.
Thank you Melanie. you are an amazing and hugely brave person!! your work is truly remarkable. I’m
not there yet – but i am sure you have pointed me in the right direction!
Hi Gai,
Sending much love to you and please know that I offer NARP sponsorship to people in financial need. You can find out more by emailing one of my lovely support staff at [email protected]
I’m so sorry that you have been through such pain and trauma with this.
I love that you are finding your way back to you, and you are doing such an amazing job with this.
Gai, you are going to make it. I just know it.
Sending you love, strength and continued blessings and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚