Melanie Tonia Evans

Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 45
103
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It is so DIFFICULT being a sensitive person, who feels another person’s energy acutely.

Most of us, who have been abused by narcissists, are highly sensitive people, including me …

It can make us feel TOTALLY anxious and unsafe.

ESPECIALLY when in the vicinity of a NARCISSIST.

We know they have dark moods and can turn into horrible people who hurt us, at the slightest provocation and without warning,

So … HOW can we navigate this?

Can we be a sensitive person, feeling their shocking energy, and still be safe?

Yes .. absolutely we can!

Watch today’s Thriver TV Episode to discover how.

 

 

Video Transcript

Sensitive people like you and I are magnets to narcissists, or at least I used to be … and today’s Thriver Tv episode is all about HOW as a highly sensitive person you can protect yourself from narcissists for good … forever and NEVER again have them suck your energy dry or tear you down.

In fact, I am confident that if you apply what I’m going to show you in this video, that you will discover, even as a highly sensitive person, just how POWERFUL you are and how POWERLESS a narcissist really is.

Okay, now before I go any further into this information to empower you today, please make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Alright … let’s start by first understanding how our high levels of sensitivity have made us susceptible to narcissists.

 

Feeling Other People’s Energy Intensely

Narcissists emit stacks of weird energy. They feel unstable and ready to spin out on a dime. That’s if we have been around them long enough to start experiencing their mask cracking and their true narcissistic personality bursting through.

If we just meet a narcissist, they still feel ‘intense’. They use a lot of focus and psychic energy to ensnare, manipulate and deceive people – as do all people acting out a ‘role’ rather than simply being themselves.

Think about this, people who are comfortable to be themselves are authentic; they are easy and peaceful to be around. There isn’t the funky energy about them as there is with narcissists.

Our susceptibility to this, as highly sensitive people, is we feel funky energy drastically.  And, if we are intensely tuned into other people’s energy, trying to gauge them in order to work out what to say or do, we lose touch with ourselves.

Let me give you an example.

Joanne was a narcissist giving her partner Rob a hard time. Nothing he did was good enough. The moment Rob walked in the door after work, he felt Joanne’s black mood and immediately started thinking, Do the bins need taking out? Should I offer her a foot rub and cook her dinner? His mind was frantically searching … What I have I missed? What is she going to complain about now? 

Of course, with Rob, as a highly sensitive soul, the more he feels Joanne’s funky energy and tries to fix it for her so that he can feel at peace, the more he is in Wrong Town, losing more parts of himself – namely his voice, rights and life, whilst she is abusing him mercilessly and sucking his energy dry.

Here’s another example of a highly sensitive soul called Marcie, meeting the narcissist Greg for the first time on a date.

Marcie finds Greg to be charming, intelligent and confident. Even though his questions feel probing and a little uncomfortable she feels flattered that he is attracted to her. After their date ends, he asks her to go home with him.

She feels his energy intensely as if he expects this from her and is going to be offended if she doesn’t agree to follow him to his house. Marcie remembers the dating and safety advice from one of her best friends regarding not having sex with any man you don’t know and before getting a commitment from him.

Yet, against her better judgement Marcie capitulates, because she doesn’t want to risk his funky energy escalating.

So, this is the thing … when we are not as yet whole adults in our Inner Being, tuning into and aligning with our own values and truth, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing, or will or won’t do, then we are always going to be catering to other people’s version of life, even if warped and abusive for us.

This is what handing our power away really means – a very common thing that highly sensitive souls do – hence why they are perfect fodder for narcissists.

Giving Up the Notion of ‘Keeping the Peace’

As a highly sensitive soul, I want to challenge your comfort zone of trying to keep the peace.

I understand this desire; you don’t want to rock the boat and experience people’s nasty and unpredictable behaviour. You just want peace and harmony, which not surprisingly was very unlikely to be the environment you grew up in.

I would love you to understand, just as I had to firmly face and realise, this comfort zone of trying to keep the peace is far from comfortable.

Us handing over our energy, kindness, service, money, resources, sexuality and souls in an attempt to ‘keep the peace’ with narcissists doesn’t work. Rather, it’s like bleeding out in water with a shark circling in on you.

Enough is never enough for a narcissist. When you hand over more pieces of yourself to try to keep them happy, calm or stop abusing you, it escalates their demands for more.

Give an inch they take a mile.

Give a mile they take a continent.

There is no deal to be made, loyalty to gain, reciprocity realised, or compassion earned … there is only the evidence to the narcissist that you’re dropping your boundaries and exposing more bounty for them to pillage from you.

According to the narcissist (a no-self who refuses to take any personal responsibility), everything that feels like suffering to them is your fault, and it’s your duty to tend to it, fix it or pay for it.

The regular rules of humanity don’t apply with narcissists at all. Nor does the notion people will treat us as we treat them.

To try to get a narcissist to recognise kindness, fairness and love is NOT the soul lesson we are undergoing as a result of being caught up with a narcissist.

Rather, it is this:

To have true soul peace, without the stress and trauma of other people’s energy affecting you, you must identify and align with your own truths, values and live them authentically – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

How else are we ever going to feel safe and whole in our own bodies, instead of trying to tune into other people, catering to them fruitlessly in Wrong Town whilst they are abusing us?

We can’t …

 

Becoming ‘Ourself’

Earlier in this video, I said that narcissist’s energy feels funky to highly sensitive people because they are putting on an act, they are not being themselves.

This is where (as I always do) want us to get really real with ourselves and take our power back, inside us, so that we can change and heal the only person who we have the power to – ourselves.

So let’s do this. Let’s get really honest. These following questions are so important:

Why are we telling people what they want to hear instead of living in our own truth and healthy values?

Why are we dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating ourselves in the process?

Why don’t we let go and risk losing that abusive person and life we had with them, and know and live out the truth that we deserve better?

The simple generic answer to these questions is because we have wounds in our genetic, past life and childhood history that are preventing us fully being in our own self-generative power – able to be a source of love, approval, survival and security to ourselves – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Rob was doing all these things in his relationship, because as a child he was punished if he disagreed with his narcissistic mother’s demands. He learned at an early age that to minimise the abuse, catering to her was necessary.

Marcie was doing all these things with repeat narcissists because as a child if she didn’t go along with whatever her father believed and wanted, he ignored her. She learned from an early age that her needs were completely irrelevant, and attention from him only came from serving his.

Personally, I handed my power away because of the terror of abandonment if I didn’t. Also, I believed that unless I proved my worth, I would never be loved. I was totally hooked on trying to convince narcissists, despite their allegations, condemnations and abuse of me, that I was worth loving.

Until I healed these inner parts of myself, I couldn’t stop dancing with toxic and abusive people.

 

I’d love you now to reflect – this is going to be powerfully healing for you.

Ask your Inner Being these questions:

Why am I telling people what they want to hear instead of living in my own truth and healthy values?

Why am I dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating myself in the process?

Why don’t I let go and risk losing that abusive person and the life I had with them, and know and live out the truth that I deserve better?

I’d love you to stop this video, tune in to yourself and share in the comments below – this will help you and others so much (we are all in this together).

 

It is familiar for us to be hooked into people trying to get love, approval, security and survival from them; people who are self-absorbed in their own wounds and not available to grant this.

It is familiar for us to feel obligation or guilt and want to fix and rescue others who are not taking responsibility for themselves and who are being abusive towards us.

As children, we may have used all sorts of strategies to try to figure out what would make our caretakers less anxious and angry so that they could be whole to try to make us feel whole. If we did this, we became sensitive souls – people who feel other people’s energy intensely.

You may have thought this was because you are an empath and a kind, giving person. That’s very likely, but really where this came from is your necessity, as a child, to read other people’s funky energy to try to remain safe as well as trying to be loved based on how well you appeased this person’s wishes whilst forfeiting your own.

As children, we were powerless. There was no way to have our own values, opinions, wishes and dreams, and maybe even basic human rights fulfilled.

Now dear Thriver there is!

Let me explain …

 

Aligning With Self

This Thriver mantra is our focus today.

Okay… I want you to repeat this after me:

“I relinquish reading your energy and appeasing you to feel safe and loved. Today, I take my power back, by feeling into me and healing what I need to, to start generating my own truth.

You can kick, scream, shout, guilt and blame me, yet I no longer listen to you. No longer am I obligated to you and you have no obligation to me. Your happiness is your own job, just as mine is my own.

Today I stop dancing to and feeding your wounds. Instead, I turn inwards to heal my own – to know my values and truth and live aligned to them, no matter what, and detach and let go of who and what no longer is.

I take back my soul to generate my life with the people and resources who match my values, truth, heart and future.

I release you back to your truth and free myself and claim my own.

And so it is.”

Okay, I want you to feel the truth of this in your body, which always lets you know if something is right and true. Your body knows you are in soul truth after saying this mantra, even though you may feel some pain and doubt with it, which is your opposing inner programs that require healing to live the truth of this mantra.

Let’s have a look at what this truth looks like – in real time.

Rob after doing the inner healing work with NARP to release and reprogram his traumas from his abusive narcissistic mother, left Joanne, stood up to her legally, went No Contact and is in a new relationship with a woman he adores, who treats him with care, love and respect.

Marcie with NARP healed that part of her which had been without love and attention from her father, and when she became whole on the inside, she went on dates with men honouring herself by saying ‘No’ to their request for sex.

In fact, as soon as it steered that way, she easily deleted these men’s profiles and had no further contact. Suitors who were respectful and wanted to take their time to get to know her, started entering her experience, because they were the only ones she would participate with now.

After getting to know Mark for 3 months and establishing that he was a great guy with lovely values and compatibilities, she entered a committed, exclusive intimate relationship with him. Eighteen months later her and Mark were deeply in love, married and starting a family – a desire that Marcie in her late 30’s had never been able to fulfil until now.

The moral to these stories is there is real inner work involved – the finding and healing of our blocks and subconscious beliefs holding us in the pattern of handing our power away to narcissistic people.

When you do this inner work, I promise you that calmly and powerfully you will stand up and have non-negotiable boundaries.

You will stop trying to fix and get the narcissist to change, and feeding the monster who has been stripping your bones bare.

And, you will have no fear of what the narcissist can or will do to you anymore. There will be no more trying to negate, make deals or play it safe. Rather you will just honour and respect your rights and truth – delivering whatever is factually and unemotionally necessary to do this.

When you do this and are willing to lose this person and abuse in your life, the narcissist crumbles and leaves your experience. Your graduation has been achieved and the soul contract with this person has ended. It has delivered what it needed to …

This hands you back to BEING YOURSELF and being free to start generating your True Self and True Life, which was the only way to live that was ever going to truly gratify you and allow you to be in service to self, life and others in healthy and real ways.

I am very passionate about people understanding more about the essential inner transformational work, and trying it for themselves, so that they understand why it is vital and how it works.

If you have had enough of feeling other people’s funky energy as well as unsure of yourself and unsafe, I’d love you to join me to start unravelling and healing from this by signing up to my 16 Day free course.

You can do so by clicking the link here.

And … if you liked this video, please click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, you can subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, I’d love you to share this video with other highly sensitive souls, so that they too can heal their energy gaps where they were handing power over to abusive people.

And as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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103 Thoughts on Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person
  • Jtssjh@gmail.com'
    May
    March 15, 2019

    How do I apply this to my parents who live in the same town? My enabling father’s health is failing, my narc mom doesn’t drive. Neither of them will begin using the tablet I took her to buy, to help themselves with services they need. My husband and I are expected to follow their demands, while they do not deal with their changing life circumstances. I’m treated with disrespect, condescension and not listened too and they expect me to keep taking it as they go through life as if all they do is wonderful. I have my own stress related health issues. My mom is driving my dad into the ground, he’s allowing it and I’m supposed to take up his driving duties for my mom, “Miss Daisy”??
    I’ve told them they need to start taking care of their problems, we all have them and are responsible for them. My mom cries to my adult children that I’m being mean to her (They know the truth), because I’m not at her beck and call since September 2018.

    • merjd43@gmail.com'
      Maureen
      March 15, 2019

      Hi May,

      Firstly I am truly sorry for your predicament it’s really a tough call. Although I don’t have this problem myself in the past I’ve done tons of Aged Care Nursing and had this situation far too often mostly in families where 1-2 people were doing all the care and the others, usually a dominant never ending complaining female, would never help, give credit or be useful in any way so I can feel your angst and confusion.

      You’ve done the best you can do for them and they want to stay spoilt children all their lives so be it, you need to be you and it looks like that’s started, congratulations. I myself would approach their doctor/medical team/social services department and lay it out in words of one syllable they’ll understand and tell them if they don’t deal with them you are NOT going to, take it or leave it.

      Sure there will be people who think you are heartless but so what, who cares? It’s your time for you and your family and your parents can’t cope with you not jumping when they snap their fingers and yes other judgemental people will always believe them and not you, so put on your coat of armour, a big smile… this confuses the naysayers… and do exactly what you want to do and leave them and the medical or whoever to deal with it

      I’m with you if only virtually but keep up the good work and get your own real life without them, good luck.

      • Jtssjh@gmail.com'
        May
        March 15, 2019

        Maureen,
        Thank you so much for the validation and words of encouragement. It’s feels so strange and good all at the same time to hear your understanding of my situation. I appreciate your thoughts and words so much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi May,

      I totally understand how tough this is for you and your husband.

      This video of mine may help https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ojLNKN-KNF8

      Sending you breakthrough and freedom.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Jtssjh@gmail.com'
        May
        March 15, 2019

        Thank you Melanie, I will watch your video.
        You have already helped me immensely, it’s just there are still so many situations to deal with. I have been applying your wisdom as best as possible. I have to stay strong and stay leveled up.💗

      • Gravelroad@mac.com'
        Dandylion
        March 16, 2019

        In reaponse to the video re highly sensitive people (I am one) these are my thoughts:
        Its an added level of understanding for me to hear the explanation that we HSPs feel energy so strongly and so of course, REALLY feel the energy of a Narcicist. And to think about the fact that “reading” people’s energy is sonething I do ALL THE TIME. Often without any effort at all- but when there is effort. It is probablt due to the fact that I tecognize somewhere inside that this other person is possibly not “safe” for me. Maybe not a narccicist but still, perhaps an energy sucker, a selfish user, or simply not reliable because they have wouonds and weaknesses that keep them in a victim mentaliry which means there woukd be an imbalance that could lead to various injustices and lack of connectedness.
        So, being a HSP, I diligently read those people and am pulled into the role Ive played my whole life: discerning what it is Im feeling from this person. Often, I dismiss what I discern because I have a sirt of discomfort with thinking I could sense or know something negative with no “proff”. And or I dismiss or misinterpret what I sense because the level of energy- even negative energy is something that feels like connection. I am ibtense. I often do not feel connected with others who are so very adept at staying on the surface. I dont feel seen or heard or felt and I feel frustrated that they seem on the other side of some glass, soundproof wall. So ANY strong energy feels better than dead or vague energy. There might be somerhung there for me to work on: my perception of or my translation of the lower frequency (?) of some people’s energies.
        But anyway, so I get caught up in my normal way of “reading” the energy. I feel an affinity with the narcicist based on the intensity and I set aside the implications of where the intensity is coming from. Intensity from being manipukative is not good intensity. Intensity from selfish need is not good, intensity from a barage of too-soon “love” and “devotion”that I FEEL is not true that I register as suspicious, is not good.
        I get sucked in and then reality starts to show. And I alter myself to keep it at bay. Ive already invested. Ive alteady done a but of self-abandonment at this point so Im less likely to correct myself as I begin to stop expressing my true self so to avoid the risk of an intensity that is TOO much and TOO scary. Why do I tell them ir give them what they want? Because I made a secret deal with myself. I agreed to dumb down, not shine, not need connection etc… and in return, I get the frequency that feels right. I get this situation that kerps me actively “reading” all the time and this distracts me from the emptiness and aloneness I feel and felt before I ever met this particularl .narcicist. And THAT state- in which I am almost non participatory (at least not the whole me) is familiar. Observation, internal processing, acceptance of the impossibility of real connectedness and so a release from the disappointment of expectation. And in place of that real connectexness is intensity, focus outward, affirmation of the wounded me who cant possibly ever truly feel hesrd, seen, or even loved in a healthy way.
        Theres some sense of security (which is false!) that if I agree to this lesser existence, AT LEAST I know what Im supposed to do. AT LEAST the unsettling feeling of not being connected with or finding my place with others who arent narcicistic but/and who require that I show up fully— that unsettling feeling which has with it: fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of “too much” or too unusual or somehow defective— I can avoid that. I give up my chances. I guve up myself to try to just at least relax with some notion that its settled now.
        But it never is settled because the narcicist never made the deal. Hesgoing to keep upping his demands; keep me in check; and I sense his distespect for me for being so weak as to fall prey to him. I ghink he is disgusted by it and that fuelshis desire to hurt me.

        • Gravelroad@mac.com'
          Dandylion
          March 16, 2019

          Even though I did get out- after ten months- he continues to stalk me and although he is inaware, I still struggle to stay strong snd safe. I miss that intensity. I date nice men who like me. There are options. Much better options. But the narccicist still attracts me. I WANT his professions of love to be TRUE. Everything would be “perfect” if onky he werent lying; manipulative, selfish, hurtful, unreachable.
          That UNREACHABLENESS is suspicious to me. Im wondering if I seek that because its the devil I kbow. And Ive been so weak that Ive been willing to pay a ridiculous price for it. But worse than that- the price is never set. It kept going up. It went up so high that I couldnt affird it anymore. I was willing to have some loss of self (because I havent fully self-partnered) But I wasnt willing to be physically harmed and risk who knows what on that road. So Im out. Just still having to stay vigilant. And still frustrated o er my propensity to abandon myself. I think im getting better. Ive tightened my boundaries in a few areas where the discomfirt of doubg so isnt drastic. I work those muscles there toward an overall healthy existence with firm boundaries so I can not get in another terrible situation with another narciccist or even get sucked in by the most recent one.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 16, 2019

          Hi Dandylion,

          It is so great that you are getting clarity around this.

          Please know as a HSP when you find and release the traumas that are causing the hyper vigilance, not being self assured and handing power away (as so many of us, myself included, did!)… then ns can no longer hold the power of our wounds over us.

          We do come back into our bodies with self knowing and trust and can disconnect from them, fully trusting and navigating lives ourself.

          My inner transformational resources are all about that. I’d love you to find out more here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

          There is more than hope for you to get free from this Dandylion.

          Sending love and strength.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • carletonj4@gmail.com'
      Sadie
      April 12, 2019

      Very hard to go against your parents wishes whom you love and want to see thrive. Unfortunately I didn’t do such a great job of telling my mom that she wasn’t respecting me, my life or my boundaries. I responded out of anger and said hurtful things. However, my mom figured some stuff our for herself in the 2 years we did not have contact. If I had to do it over, I would tell my mom how much I love her and want her to be able to meet all of her own needs so she can thrive. Then make your limits clear on what you are willing to do in terms of your relationship with her. I would set limits on her crying to your children. Acknowledge that this will make her upset but that this is what you need to care for yourself. Most important follow through with the limits you set and escalate them if she doesn’t comply. You are not being mean by making sure she can meet her own needs and you are caring for yourself.

      Take care!

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    happynow
    March 15, 2019

    i’ve been studying these things for years, but still need narps and videos and articles to do this. Especially when i have a slip and go to wrong town. i’m so glad i know where to look for upliftment and resetting. thanks mel

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi happynow,

      I’m so pleased that my resources help.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Katwoman0318@gmail.com'
    Kathleen Parnell
    March 15, 2019

    Do Narcissists love bomb you more than once? Would love to know.

    • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
      happynow
      March 15, 2019

      as much and as often as they think it will work 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi Kathleen,

      They may or may not, and can operate at any frequency.

      The real truth is that ns deliver in our reality whatever hurts us the most.

      For some that means permanent abandonment.

      Our only real way to get salvation is not by trying to work them out, but rather healing our wounds that keep us hooked into trying to.

      The first step to do this is here: http://www.mwlanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cindylouvallet@gmail.com'
    cindy
    March 15, 2019

    I am still learning to even identify my own needs at 53!
    WHY do I do things? Well it is what I am most familiar with…I do it to be loved…I do it not to be frozen out…to be cast aside.
    Bingo when you said about how giving to my ( now identified) primary Narc only opens up the doors to more expression of displeasure in me. I have had to work my way back through my history of dysfunctional relationships to now see clearly that my mother was and is the primary narcissist in my life.
    Her helpfulness at times and in certain areas disguised her hurtful and cruel ways. I moved away a long time ago always longing to heal this r/ship. The penny has dropped now and I realise I am wasting my precious energy. I am visiting next week so protecting myself is imperative now. I was so relieved to see the title of this episode! Thanks again Melonie xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi Cindy,

      Please know you are very welcome.

      It’s very happy that this video helps you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • emxx@sbcglobal.net'
    happynow
    March 15, 2019

    love this,
    I’d love you now to reflect – this is going to be powerfully healing for you.

    Ask your Inner Being these questions:

    Why am I telling people what they want to hear instead of living in my own truth and healthy values?

    Why am I dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating myself in the process?

    Why don’t I let go and risk losing that abusive person and the life I had with them, and know and live out the truth that I deserve better?

    and this:
    Aligning With Self
    This Thriver mantra is our focus today.

    Okay… I want you to repeat this after me:

    “I relinquish reading your energy and appeasing you to feel safe and loved. Today, I take my power back, by feeling into me and healing what I need to, to start generating my own truth.

    You can kick, scream, shout, guilt and blame me, yet I no longer listen to you. No longer am I obligated to you and you have no obligation to me. Your happiness is your own job, just as mine is my own.

    Today I stop dancing to and feeding your wounds. Instead, I turn inwards to heal my own – to know my values and truth and live aligned to them, no matter what, and detach and let go of who and what no longer is.

    I take back my soul to generate my life with the people and resources who match my values, truth, heart and future.

    I release you back to your truth and free myself and claim my own.

    And so it is.”

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    March 15, 2019

    This is excellent!!
    My whole life I’ve been “reading” other peoples energy, moods, motives, etc. and walking on egg shells to try and keep them feeling “comfortable.” Not just with narcissists but with anyone I meet, and especially in work environments where I’ve dimmed my light in order to not be threatening to others. And you are right, it left me SO focused on everyone else’s stuff that the focus on my own life, goals, health, purpose has taken a back seat. Your also correct that it started in childhood (or past lives) with trying to keep my family happy so I would be safe, loved, secure…. even if I wasn’t seen. And today it is still hard for me to resist soothing other people when I know they are distressed even if it’s none of my business. Sometimes it’s because I don’t like to see others in pain, and sometimes it’s because I know if they become calm it will make me feel calmer. I have a friend who used to say, “It’s just easier for us to do what they want and keep the peace than it is to fight.” But, then we teach them how to treat us and they do NOT reciprocate with kindness and consideration for our feelings… they just don’t. It isn’t until we do the uncomfortable and say “NO” that they will (if it’s in their capacity to do so) start to treat us with respect. It really is stunning. It’s time for me to be comfortable with other people being uncomfortable because it’s NOT my job to fix it for them and if I do, they will never learn what they came here to learn. Amen. GREAT VIDEO MEL!!!! 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      I feel your powerful embodiment of this.

      Huge shifts coming!

      Blessed be!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • sandyscruggs@hotmail.com'
      Sandy
      March 15, 2019

      DMJ, I feel the same way you do! I dont tolerate abuse in relationships any more, but at work or even in fun nights out with big groups, I get bored or even pissed off by all all people who are toxic. So, I dance around their attitudes and try to bring the atmosphere to some level of levity so we can enjoy ourselves! Its exhausting! I guess I need to disengage from the jerks, find the few and far between who are authentic, vibrant humans, and enjoy each others’ company!

  • vintagejunker@gmail.com'
    Dawson Needham
    March 15, 2019

    I am about 2 plus years out of my abusive narcissistic relationship. I’ve been no contact ever since. So the pain level has diminished a lot. Plus after learning about narcissistic abuse I have ended several friendships with Narcissists. So that has freed up a lot of energy to focus on Self healing. There are still toxic people out there and my radar and antenna have been sharpened my awareness of energy vampires. I thank you Melanie Tanya Evans and all her crew for the continued support. Narcissism has very deep roots in my life going all the way back to my childhood. I was conditioned as a child to dismiss hurtful things people did and said. Or ways they were dismissive of my feelings regarding events and situations. So I pay particular attention when I find people who are lacking in empathy towards me.
    I know life can be a much richer experience when we have loving caring relationships with friends and family. So of the Narcs in my life I have not dismissed, because it isn’t necessary to completely cut some of them off. But now that I know they are narcissists I won’t allow myself to be played by them. I now know about some of the dynamics of how they operate and I am not lured into they mind games. Hope this helps and I do apprecate the continued Support

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi Dawson,

      Thank you for your kind and caring contribution to inspire others.

      That’s wonderful that you are doing so well, and please know how thrilled we are to help support you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • vintagejunker@gmail.com'
    Dawson Needham
    March 15, 2019

    I am about 2 plus years out of my abusive narcissistic relationship. I’ve been no contact ever since. So the pain level has diminished a lot. Plus after learning about narcissistic abuse I have ended several friendships with Narcissists. So that has freed up a lot of energy to focus on Self healing. There are still toxic people out there and my radar and antenna have been sharpened my awareness of energy vampires. I thank you Melanie Tanya Evans and all her crew for the continued support. Narcissism has very deep roots in my life going all the way back to my childhood. I was conditioned as a child to dismiss hurtful things people did and said. Or ways they were dismissive of my feelings regarding events and situations. So I pay particular attention when I find people who are lacking in empathy towards me.
    I know life can be a much richer experience when we have loving caring relationships with friends and family. So of the Narcs in my life I have not dismissed, because it isn’t necessary to completely cut some of them off. But now that I know they are narcissists I won’t allow myself to be played by them. I now know about some of the dynamics of how they operate and I am not lured into they mind games. Hope this helps and I do appreciate the continued Support

  • msviking212@msn.com'
    Carol Rafferty
    March 15, 2019

    I took my power back over a year ago. I started watching these videos in the Fall of 2017. That is how I found out what I was dealing with. As of Mar. 26, 2018 I left my psycho jerkaholic. Well, past that, but another narcissist got into my life. A Female this time. She could not control me, so she took it out on my kitty that I loved. I had to rehome her, because my stress level was too much for her & she was eating plastic to the extremes. I was rehoming her, for a calmer environment. She took her out of my home & did not rehome her. My kitty is most likely dead. The foundation she worked for, could care less & will not comply, even though she tried to 302 me, but with in minutes, it was unfounded. To make matters worse, I know she did it for others. The police told me since she is no longer a case worker, she ran, my case is stronger. I have a police report. The health care is involved & so is an animal controller. The run around starts. $250 to simply file a report with the judge. Of course, there will be lawyers involved. They told me to go to legal aid. They are so busy with complaints, it will take 48 hours, at least, to get back to me, if they get back to me. Meantime, the kitty has been missing since before Dec of 2018. My BP has gone up & so has my heart rate. Some people are crying & trying to be helpful, but time is of the essence. She is in the hands of a narcissist & the outcome will not be good.

  • adtate2@asu.edu'
    Angela Diane Tate
    March 15, 2019

    Hello all,
    First question, why am I not living in my own truth? Great question! Just now, I realized my voice was not heard as a child and throughout my family. My voice really was not heard and somehow, I was not regarded. So whatever, my truth was growing up did not really matter. How did this impact me? At age 8, I developed ulcerative colitis later at 25 crohn’s disease. Today, I just learned the guy who immediately wanted to marry me I feel is a full blown Narc reflection of my true need to heal wounds. He came into my life in 2015 and then I broke it off in 2016. In 2018, I allowed him back after no contact for over a year thinking oddly, I could now handle just being cordial. WRONG TOWN! He had other motives to get me to marry him again!!! What I learned from this just today….after listening to the videos only! Is today, I finally realized I do love myself, my values, and my truth! I could not believe it and finally told Him…not that he cared (Narc’s don’t feel like we do). But, this fall back really confirmed for I deserve someone so much better to treat me as I deserved. I realized that my values are important. That I have a right to experience joy, happiness, and peace with a person who does respect me. The question is still….why did I allow myself to put up with His treatment, manipulations, etc. I have not signed up for the NARC program because I was unemployed. But today, I hope to start my journey because at 59 years old. I would like to experience unconditional true authetic love probably for the first time in my LIFE!!! Thank YOU MELANIE…I dodge a bullet! I thought with his return maybe he had changed sounded like it, etc. But because of a year of listening to the videos, I had learned enough not to be fooled by this. And then, the down spin emotional heart games again occured. He asked me to marry him again but could care less about what was important to me. I spoke up this time! He just stared at me in shock. I felt better and know God Almighty has someone for me in the Universe I have yet to meet. I am getting your program Melanie!!! SO, I can heal those childhood wounds many I have blocked. I pray I can experience in this life time a rewarding and fulfilling Love Relationship with honor, joy, and true authentic fulfillment and support.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi Angela,

      That’s so beautiful you have had this shift and taken this stand for yourself.

      It IS your time to breakthrough. Myself and the team will do all we can to help you heal you and move into your True Self and True Love trajectory.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • adtate2@asu.edu'
        Angela Diane Tate
        March 15, 2019

        Dear Mel!
        Thank you so much…YEAH!!!
        It took me a year to reach this point. Wow…in many ways there’s some grief to learn most of my life; I was blinded to why I could not ever realize a healthy love relationship. I am eager to get to the bottom of all this inner healing process go through the deliverance and healing!!! I am so excited to think one day….I may learn and actually taste the Joy of sustainable love…which I have a sneaking impression it starts with loving myself before I can love others in a healthy way!

        I just got the sliver package and look forward after exhausting that to upgrade to gold. Taking one module and day at a time.
        Thank you thank you!
        Blessings too!!!
        Much Love and Care….
        Angie 🙂

    • shar59.sc@gmail.com'
      Shar
      March 15, 2019

      Hear hear Angela. Go for it! Wouldn’t it be nice to know a relationship with honour, joy, and fulfillment and support?! Its definitely worth working for. But most of all to know ourselves. Then it will happen. I know that will you will thrive in NARP. I too am determined and also 59, this blog from Melanie hit home big time for me. Bestest wishes and love and support. Shar. xx

  • Tiffanymgrey@gmail.com'
    Tiffany
    March 15, 2019

    I have been following your content for a couple years now, which has helped so much. I have left so many narcissistic family members behind and have gone no contact. However, how do I apply this in a professional setting. I am a child-protection social worker & I have a couple clients who are undoubtedly narcissists. My job requires me to have ongoing contact with them. They are relentless on almost a daily basis. Any suggestions for how to handle them, since I cannot go “no-contact” per the requirements of my job? Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi Tiffany,

      This is a great question!

      I would look at how to set boundaries with these types of people as they will always try to absorb your attention if we allow them to.

      If for example they are always wanting you to contact them, you may tell whoever takes the message that you are unavailable until the next afternoon.

      This helps keep limits on how much contact they can have.

      When you call them back you could let them know at the start of the conversation that you only have a limited time to talk to them and round up their conversation and let them know you have to go.

      When meeting face to face, you can do the same, as well as stand up when their time is ready and walk to the door and ask them to follow you and show them the way out. You can do this in a very polite way.

      When these personality types know they can’t push the limits with you they will direct that energy at easier targets.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • shar59.sc@gmail.com'
    Shar
    March 15, 2019

    Wow Melanie, For the first time I have been brought to tears. ( I had no idea what it would take) This blog has been so powerful for me. Thank you once again. Love Shar

  • trish_a_grant@hotmail.com'
    PG
    March 15, 2019

    Hello,
    Left a total narcissist in late 2016 and blindly immediately entered a relationship with another narcissist. Then I found Melanie’s site. OMG thankyou thankyou

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Hi PG,

      I’m so pleased you have found your way to our wonderful Thriver Community!

      Blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • wandaangelabarrios@gmail.com'
    WB
    March 15, 2019

    Thank you for this Mel. NARP has helped me so much. I’m separated from my ex for 7 months now. My ex continues to harass, intimidate, and abuse me via the courts now that I was able to get a limited contact court order, which he violates anyway.

    He lies in his affidavits while denying all abuse. His lawyer booked a 10day trial for next year without consulting me or my lawyer, in order to financially ruin me, knowing that I have no job and that the abuse sustained during a decade plus relationship has destroyed my health.

    I am doing my best to stand strong and create boundaries while taking care of my two kids. My concern is to protect them, while learning to generate my own income, happiness, security and housing.

    Everything is happening now. Our place will go on sale soon, while I need to generate my own income and place to live. He wants overnights unsupervised which I’m gravely concerned about since he is an alcoholic, addicted to porn, underage girls, rape fantasies and all sorts of disturbing obsessions to do with power, sex, control and torture.

    The more boundaries I place, the more he tries to skirt them. I would appreciate your advice.

  • dhughes62@virginmedia.com'
    Dee
    March 15, 2019

    Dear Mel
    May God bless you and your work. Thank you for all the support and help you have given me. I don’t think I would have made it without the NARP programme.
    Lots of love
    Dee xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 15, 2019

      Awww Dee,

      I’m so pleased myself and NARP could help you.

      Thrive On Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icoud.com'
    Irene
    March 15, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    Thank you for your insightful video and direction.
    How wonderful to hear that I no longer have to keep the peace! Such a relief!

    Your examples of Rob and Marcia described my relationships to my mother and father.
    As I highly sensitive person I was afraid of being hurt, killed and persecuted.
    I thought if I fixed them and did what they wanted they would love me and not abandon me.
    I believed that I wasn’t worthy or deserving and I would have to stay because there was nothing else for me.

    The mantra felt absolutely true to me, thank you, I will write it down somewhere so I can remind myself. If felt good to say it out aloud.

    NARP is a life-line for me Melanie and how wonderful it is that you update us with Thriver TV.

    Thank you Melanie.
    Love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Reena,

      I love hearing from you, and it’s so beautiful to see you continually breaking through and shining!

      So much love to you and yours and your beautiful unfolding journey.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • robertoneill616@gmail.com'
    Robert O'Neill
    March 15, 2019

    I m like this Mel. The funky energy your spot on. My spirit was always a magnet to this dirt. It’s one of the most horrible aspects of abuse. The wanting to make it right but it never changes. My sensitivity as attracted the same thing over and over again and bits of me just get bitten off and chewed. Thanks for this episode. It’s something to concentrate on.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Robert,

      I’m so pleased this resonated with you and has helped bring you clarity.

      Sending you blessings and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • williumarthur@hotmail.com'
    Richard
    March 15, 2019

    Hi. Melanie. THIS Is YOUR BEST You have every done. You gave 100%. Well done. every one in a in a unhappy situation should listen to this one. This will save and uplift their being.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Thank you Richard for your lovely comment.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Berenica0777@gmail.com'
    Berenica
    March 15, 2019

    This video could not have come in a better time for me. The answers to all 3 questions are survival fears.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      That’s great Berenica this was timely for you.

      You’ve got this!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    deanna
    March 15, 2019

    Hi Mel!
    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you….
    I feel like someone is FINALLY saying, “The Emperor is not wearing any clothes”. But not only that, you are also describing and thus helping me understand the process of what happens both before and after you get the courage to speak up to the narcissist.
    I would muster up all my courage to speak up to the narcissist and other various and sundry energy vampires that seem to flock around me like vultures coming in for the kill, ONLY to be attacked. I got TIRED of having to deal with the garbage. So one then thinks, “WTF!?!?!? NOW what!?!?!?” and struggles and juggles in order to find a “happy” medium. I LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said about our “comfort zone” NOT being so comfortable after all.
    Your speaking about this TOTALLY HELPED me REFRAME and heal something that happened when I set a self-caring boundary in a serious situation and it ended up blowing up in my face. Too long a story for a blog but suffice to say it has plagued me terribly for YEARS and I am finally letting myself “off the hook”. I blamed myself for setting the boundary instead of giving appropriate weight to the fact that the narc’s behavior was HORRIBLE in the first place. We tend to discredit ourselves instead of giving “credit where credit is due” ie. on the narc’s AWFUL behavior.

    Yes, I have experienced EXACTLY what you talk about with the family of origin stuff. I LOVE what you say about our “detective” skills being honed by feeling the need to appease someone else’s agenda. When you are a child AND a teenager, it is literally a matter of survival to do so. Then these patterns continue as an adult because they have become so ingrained in us. PLUS if you are also an HSP/Empath personality, everything is exascerbated and magnified.

    I have written down what you asked us to repeat and titled it: Declaration of Indepence.

    Two other things that have been profoundly useful for me, besides the QFH modules, are:

    Learning that there is NO Absolute Book Of Law out there in the world. Thus I am not obliged to follow ANYONE else’s tyrannical demands.
    I LOVE how you used the phrase: catering to someone’s VERSION of life. What has always been confusing, is that I stopped “catering” to the other person but it didn’t seem to really change anything. This is because that person’s agenda STILL LIVED ON IN MY HEAD. Thankfully I DID follow through on achieving things that were especially important to me. YET I continually beat myself up for doing so b/c it went against the status quo of someone else’s “VERSION of life” for me. Now I don’t give a hoot 🙂

    Creating my OWN version of “Deanna’s Bill of Rights” for Deanna/myself.
    It totally transformed my psyche to outline specifically what I will and will not accept FOR MYSELF with specifics on how I will or will not allow people to treat me. Since it is very difficult for me to speak up for myself in interpersonal situations, it REALLY helped me to learn that it is OKAY for me to REQUIRE people to treat me a certain way, or I disengage, walk away, etc.
    When a person, like myself, has difficulty setting boundaries because it is hard to essentially TELL SOMEONE ELSE WHAT TO DO, it was life changing for me to come at it from the stance that I am not TELLING THE OTHER PERSON WHAT TO DO, but INSTEAD, simply OUTLINING what it or isn’t okay IN ORDER TO HAVE CONTACT WITH ME. Then it is THEIR choice and the onus is on them regarding whether the relationship/friendship continues or not.
    Somehow this approach gives me more courage to speak up.

    As always, INFINITE appreciation and love,
    Deanna

    • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
      Ariana Švigir
      March 16, 2019

      Alll perfectly said (and in great English :-). I’d just add – out inner critic, the narcissist in our head, forces us to be means to an end. Let’s be our GOAL, always, and never means to someone’s end, not even to our ego’s end!

      • roma4amor@gmail.com'
        deanna
        March 17, 2019

        Thanks so much for your comment/s 🙂 LOVE what you add about our Inner Critic/Inner Narcissist/Ego. Spot on!!!! Makes sense that we would adopt and thus “parrot” what we have internalized from the narcissist–ESPECIALLY if the narc is a parent who had total and intense influence over us in our formative years.

        • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
          Ariana Švigir
          March 17, 2019

          Yes, going back all the way to Adam and Eve, the crazyness of humanity 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Deanna,

      I’m so glad this spoke truly to you!

      You’ve got it sweetheart! You have totally anchored this in!

      Everything you have written is bang on Quantum Truth.

      Beautiful, massive, life changing shift … and I am so happy for you!

      Thrive On Lovely Lady.

      All my love.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • roma4amor@gmail.com'
        deanna
        March 17, 2019

        Thanks immensely for the validation xoxo
        Coming from YOU, it means even MORE.

        Cheers!
        and love…

  • jdconnie4@gmail.com'
    Jamee
    March 16, 2019

    This is a very powerful video and absolutely spot on. I am not where I need to be but thank goodness I am not where I used to be.
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

  • Sarojn108@gmail.com'
    sue
    March 16, 2019

    your talk resonates with me, alas i have a lot of inner work to do. i love your talks so helpful so deep, and touches my very soul

  • Friedaisrael@gmail.com'
    Frieda
    March 16, 2019

    The work that you are doing to educate victims of narc abuse is phenomenal. I do feel that the affirmations you suggest on this video would be more powerful and healing if you employed meridian tapping or eft in conjunction with stating the affirmation. I have used this in my practice and have learned that the statements reach the inner brain wiring, calming down the amygdala and creating greater accessibility for lasting change.
    Thank you so much for your incredible work.
    F

  • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
    Ariana Švigir
    March 16, 2019

    Hi :-), in the last and this life I have been abused and humiliated wherever a woman can be – as a granddaughter, daughter, sister, friend, lover, worker, wife and a mother. I’m 48 now and…

    I WANT TO PASSIONATELY LOVE MYSELF! TO FLOOD MYSELF WITH LOVE AND EMPATHY AND APPROVAL AND RESPECT AS A SOOO LONGED FOR ABUNDANT RIVER WOULD FLOOD A DESERT! TO USE ALL THE SENSITIVITY AND KINDNESS I HAVE GATHERED THROUGH THIS AND LAST LIFE FOR HEALING AND GETTING TO KNOW AND APPRECIATE MYSELF … AND TO BEGIN ENJOYING BEING ME!
    (TO BEGIN WITH – TO START DELAYING THE NARP BUSINESS! 🙂

    Thank you for existing, dear Light, and just keep chanalling! 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Ariana, you so deserve this and I know, just like myself and so many others, when you release the traumas that have been blocking your True Self, you will be all of this … and more.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
    Ariana Švigir
    March 16, 2019

    Channeling and writing and spreading your good words! 🙂

  • neda.encheva@gmail.com'
    Neda
    March 16, 2019

    Hi Melanie, I am so glad I found your channel. I realized SOO many truths about myself. My story is not as other stories. I will explain you why.
    I have a narcissistic mother, which I understand few months ago. I was awlays searching from validation from others, feeling shame, not being able to express my emotions, feeling worthless, trying to pleace everyone…you know that kind of stuff. 3 years ago my narcissistic partner number one, which was not giving me attention broke up with me. I tried to convince myself logically that it’s not worthy to be sad. We were together for 1 year and i was done suffering month after the break up. I tried to bypass the feeling with positive self help books. Which made it worse. I was depressed, sad but trying to convince myself that I am happy. I isolated myself because I was so vulnerable and everyone was reopening my wound of unworthiness, pain and grief.
    Then I started to read theories about the world. I was doing that every time when I was feeling sad.I was trying to figure it out how the world operates, is there an afterlife. I found a theory – solipsism – it claims that the only person in the world is you. Let me explain – I am the only conscious being which created in its imagination all of you and forget about it. This was my biggest fear and from the moment I red this theory everything else – lost its sence – the pain, the grief, everything. I wasn’t able to feel it anymore. Nothing existed in my mind. I had and I am still having derealization and I am detached a lot of the time. I couldn’t feel my feelings, I was numb and I was just thinking about my theory. 1 year after the abuse I found the Narcissist 2, who was so love bombing that I was like – He is the man for me, I am going to marry him. Finally someone who sees me. I was not able to cope with my fear, my loneliness. I didn’t really liked him. I just wanted to be seen. There were moments where I wasn’t thinking if people are real or not, but in those moments everyone was foe and everyone wanted to hurt me, even my new boyfriend. So there where 2 scenarios in my mind – 1: people are not real, I don’t feel my emotions, I am numb and don’t want to live because I will imagine them. 2: people are real, I feel sooo big pain that I can’t cope with, everyone wants to hurt me, I want to isolate myself and to rest.
    When I starded my relationship with the narcissist 2 those sympthoms got better. After 20 months relationship I broke up with him because I realized that he was manipulating me and torturing me and is not the person that I used to believe he is – the most charming and loving person in the world.
    Now, 5 months after the break up, I still can’t feel my emotions, I don’t miss him, I don’t feel pain. When I am awake the only thing that is on my mind is – are people real? Because if not I am not going away to meet new people. I just want to stay at home. When I am sleeping I dream about my exes, about people hurting me, about world being a scary place where everyone is foe. So my question Melanie is, how can I recover when I am numb, when I can’t feel any emoiton, I can’t think about my ex who hurt me so deep, I just stay at home, I fell that glass between me and my family and I don’t want to go out because I don’t think people are real. Are they? How can I heal?
    I will be so happy if you answer me, because I can’t stand this agony and loneliness anymore.
    Thank you! Looking forward to read from you 🙂

    • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
      Ariana Švigir
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Neda :-), can I venture an answer? 1. I read what you wrote, took my dogs for a walk, cooked for my cats, read Mel’s article – and I still CAN’T get you out of my head. The conclusion – if none of us is real, you, my dear, definitely ARE. 🙂 … 2. There are MANY vibrational levels, each with its own truth. At god/goddess’ level, everything is perfect, glorious and magnificent. This is the ultimate truth – love and joy and peace… At a profoundly desperate person’s level, everything is dark and pointless… I had one mystical experience similar to that solipsism, and I didn’t like it. I also had many other mystical experiences which I LOVED. The conclusion – don’t read anything that scares you… 3. More on reality issue – the eternal soul which you are is VERY REAL, the not natural parts of Neda only so far. 🙂 … 4. You are NOT interested in unravelling the mysteries of the universe – the only thing that interests you is loving and freeing and blossoming the mystery called Neda. 🙂 THAT’S your job! THAT’s what you came on Earth for! And, believe me, you are STRONG ENOUGH for it. 🙂 … 5. Okay, numbness… in the last 3 years you had 3 HUGE HORRIBLE experiences (+ the damn solipsism!) – you are FROZEN WITH FEAR! You had been trying for SO LONG to be well and okay, and now THIS – from bad to worse! Is there ANY END to this?! … I had similar experience between my 27 and 33… it threw me into such fear that I was feeling, if I made ANY movement, I’d fall into the abyss… My darling, you are frozen with fear, and what you need is DEFROST! 🙂 Remember, the ultimate truth – love and joy and peace. And they are synonyms! 🙂 So, start with joy! … 6. Soul or god or goddess – they are all THE SAME. Pick one and ask for guidance (I said at 33 that I had done everything I could to help me and nothing worked, so I wanted someone to take my hand and guide me – the next 8 years I’d spend hours every day talking and joking with god. It was warm and loving and fun and it created in me a space of relaxation (which I had missed for so long) and TRUST (which I had never had)… If you pick god, read ‘Conversations with God’ by N.D. Walsch… and talk to and WITH him. If you pick goddess, here are two links:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxF1kOw9-SA Lara Atwood & https://www.radicalhappiness.com/images/stories/downloads/Ten_Teachings.pdf Gina Lake
      & another one 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7eBQfM3UrA pineal gland
      If you pick your soul, just talk with her. Your eternal soul (the true you) knows no fear – ONLY LOVE. 🙂
      (to be continued :-)) … Hm, I’m not sure you’ll get the links, can you get in touch with me on FB?

    • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
      Ariana Švigir
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Neda :-), can I venture an answer? 1. I read what you wrote, took my dogs for a walk, cooked for my cats, re-read Melanie’s article – and I still CAN’T get you out of my head. The conclusion – if none of us is real, you, my dear, definitely ARE. 🙂 2. There are MANY vibrational levels, each with its own truth. At god/goddess’ level, everything is perfect, glorious and magnificent. This is the ultimate truth – love and joy and peace. At a profoundly desperate person’s level, everything is dark and pointless… I had one mystical experience similar to that solipsism, and I didn’t like it. I also had many other mystical experiences which I LOVED. The conclusion – don’t read anything that scares you. 3. More on reality issue – the eternal soul which you are is VERY REAL, the not natural parts of Neda only so far. 🙂 4. You are NOT interested in unravelling the mysteries of the universe – the only thing that interests you is loving and freeing and blossoming the mystery called Neda. 🙂 THAT’S your job! THAT’s what you came on Earth for! And, believe me, you are STRONG ENOUGH for it. 🙂 5. Okay, numbness… in the last 3 years you had 3 HUGE HORRIBLE experiences (+ the damn solipsism!) – you are FROZEN WITH FEAR! You had been trying for SO LONG to be well and okay, and now THIS – from bad to worse! Is there ANY END to this?! … I had similar experi-ence between my 27 and 33… it threw me into such fear that I was feeling, if I made ANY movement, I’d fall into the abyss… My darling, you are frozen with fear, and what you need is DEFROST! 🙂 Remember, the ultimate truth – love and joy and peace. And they are synonyms! 🙂 So, start with joy! … 6. Soul or god or goddess – they are all THE SAME. Pick one and ask for guidance (I said at 33 that I had done everything I could to help me and nothing worked, so I wanted someone to take my hand and guide me – the next 7 years I’d spend hours every day talking and joking with god. It was warm and loving and fun and it created in me a space of relaxation (which I had mis-sed for so long) and TRUST (which I had never had)… If you pick god, read Conversations with God… and talk to and WITH him. If you pick goddess, here are three links: The Ancient Celebration of the Solstice and Equinox – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE4hdIcsJ4w & https://belsebuub.com/connecting-with-our-personal-mother-goddess Lara Atwood
      https://www.radicalhappiness.com/images/stories/downloads/Ten_Teachings.pdf Gina Lake
      & another one 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7eBQfM3UrA pineal gland
      If you pick your soul, just talk with her. Your eternal soul (the true you) knows no fear – ONLY LOVE. 🙂

      7. JOY – read books for children, especially Pippi Longstocking & Winnie the Pooh & Dr Seuss. Download cartoons – Moana, Brave, Charlotte’s Web, Finding Nemo & Dory, Ratatouille, Tangled, The Aristocats, 101 Dalmatians… & Movies: Julie and Julia, Shakespeare in Love, High Fidelity, Prime, You’ve Got Mail, Something’s Gotta Give, The Bridges of Madison County… Chocolat, Midnight in Paris, Cookie’s Fortune, Rear Window… Dances with Wolves, The African Queen, It’s a Wonderful Life, The Keys of Kingdom, Gandhi, Erin Brockovich, Wild by J-M. Vallée … Read Eat, Love, Pray & Women Who Ran with the Wolves … & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdb4XGVTHkE
      8. JOY AND PEACE – walk in the nature, even if you have to force yourself … adopt an animal – they are incarnated angles and marvelous healers (I OWE my life and sanity to my furry kids :-)) … practice gratefulness & TO YOURSELF … awaken your intuition (there is a book by Sonia Choquette) … meditate (a book by Sally Kempton) … https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17551/fountain-of-youth-5-tibetan-exercises-you-should-be-doing-every-day.html … read Ajahn Brahm & Osho (for lifting you up! :-)) … BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF … and all together will take you out of fear and into LOVE! 🙂
      9. NARP – fear is actually a trick by ego, maybe you can make it go away with another trick – skip the emotions and go straight to the energies – you can try doing NARP at the pure energy level – feel and release the dark and heavy ones, and replace them with the light ones. Melanie says it is not good to get stuck in anger and sadness (even crying), so good, go straight to the energies. And let your inner child write, uncensored… Or, if you can’t, first DEFROST. But have NARP in mind, as a goal… the golden gate. 🙂
      10. Ah, Melanie says – your inner critic is a narcissist! Your inner critic is a narcissist! A great truth! … Her ONLY job is to criticize, and she does her job well… So, reading about narcississim is getting to know your ego manipulations as well… Read Melanie’s articles, and the ones by Shahida Arabi – they may wake up your emotions and then JOURNAL… and try doing NARP, at least a bit.
      11. I am Croatian. Are you my neighbour? 🙂 … The last one: when I discovered the whole narcissistic thing with my family, that horrible ugliness almost drew me to insanity … so, I’d take 3-4 smokes of grass, to open me to my mystical experiences and just to know there is ALSO something else … till I found the way out. Try but don’t get hooked 🙂

      • neda.encheva@gmail.com'
        Neda
        March 16, 2019

        Hi Ariana, I am so glad you commented my post (hoping you are not a part of my imagination 😀 ). I am from Bulgaria and I’ve been in your country.
        It was very relaxing. I liked it.The point that you are presenting is very logical and I didn’t really think about it in this way. That my condition may be a part of a very low vibrational level. Everything scares me, I see treat everywhere, everything is suspicious and I don’t believe anybody.
        I can open all your links and I will explore them one by one. Thank you for all the movie proposals, it is a very good idea! I just found this chanel and I am starting NARP asap. Also I am journaling every day and understanding a lot about myself. It really helps.
        Maybe part of me doesn’t want them to be real, because everyone hurted me so bad, all the people that I though love me were actually emotionaly abusing me. Especially my mother and for so many years I was not able to see that, I was thinking that I am bad person who hurts others, because that was what she still tells me and what my exes told me.
        What do you mean that you had similar experience to solipsism? I know that I can’t reveal the mistery of the Universe, but at least I would like to make sure that people are real, it scares me so much. Do you think this theory may be true or it’s a fear based low frequency and irrational thought.
        Looking forward to read again from a person, who understands what I am going through. Thank you!!!! 🙂 🙂 : )

        • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
          Ariana Švigir
          March 17, 2019

          Dear Neda, dear neighbour :-), I think that Melanie’s answer is MUCH BETTER – because I proposed you a D-tour, a way to ease the numbness, and Melanie is giving you the MEDICINE – and, as she said, a powerful and quick one… And you have one huge and great EMOTION to start with, namely, your FEAR 🙂 … And, please, leave that solipsism alone! … NO HUMAN THEORY will ever grasp the ultimate truth – and you know why? Because they like to be linear and well-rounded… And god/goddess’s world is gloriously multidimensional and ambiguous and ABUNDANT… It’s like a glass of water compared to an ocean, a little citypark compared to a jungle… That solipsism is simply like a mouse or a spider – a person afraid of mouses or spiders thinks about them all the time, a person afraid of nobody being real thinks about that… I even met a woman afraid of cats. Are you obssesed with cats? No, but ONLY because it is not the cats where your fear lies… So, leave the solipsism alone, and start the NARP with the emotion you do have – FEAR… And Oneness – every baby born into this world knows Oneness – look how happy and tranquil they are, how faithful… Every animal and plant knows about Oneness, they simply live it… A blade of grass has no worries, no fears, there is the ground, and the sun, and the rain feeding and supporting it – it is completely safe. And loved… Even if you step on it, however thin and fragile it seems, it will erect itself again, and recover… Every god/goddesse’s creature has ENORMOUS strenght in it… because of the Oneness … because it lives in the ocean of grace and abundance, whether he/she/it is aware of it or not… YOU WILL BE FINE, Neda, use the fear you have as the golden means to enter your healing. Just do it. 🙂

          • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
            Ariana Švigir
            March 17, 2019

            “What is love?”

            “The total absence of fear,” said the Master.

            “What is it we fear?”

            “Love,” said the Master.

            Anthony de Mello

            So you know, Neda, what your fear of people not being real is? What my fear of trying is? I say myself, I have been trying for so long and what if NARP also doesn’t work? What do I have left then? What hope? … We have lived in fear all our lives and we are simply TERRIFIED TO LET IT GO, to let THE FEAR go, terrified of THAT VOID, of the UNKNOWN… But what are we really protecting? Our fearful EGOS, nothing else… You know what is most crazy? Seven years ago I lived 20 days of pre-enlightment, I WAS MY TRUE SELF, THE SOUL, I have experienced it – and it was WONDERFUL!… Trust me, it is the only thing you have EVER wanted, to be your true self, to be YOURSELF. Pure liberation… So, let’s be very, very gentle with ourselves, and stop writing, and simply do the NARP. 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Neda,

      Please do know that numbness, disassociation and inability to connect to feelings are extremely common for people with abuse and trauma histories.

      My NARP program directly addresses this by releasing the traumas that have caused us to disassociate.

      Once they are released and reprogrammed we organically become at one and safe in our own body, in the world and with other humans.

      Additionally we stop experiencing the pain of separation and return to our true state without internal trauma, which is Oneness.

      This is the journey myself and other NARPers took to come home http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp that you can undertake too.

      Sending you healing and breakthrough, and please know that there is more than hope for you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • neda.encheva@gmail.com'
        Neda
        March 16, 2019

        Hi Melanie,
        thank you so much!
        You are explaining very well my condition – I feel so separated from others, myself and the world. I will try NARP asap, I found your channel
        few days ago and I learned so much about myself already.
        Maybe part of me doesn’t want people to be real, because everyone who I trusted hurted me so bad.
        Could you explain Oneness with few words as ultimate truth, so it can helps me to get through this solipsism fear, maybe caused by my dissociation.
        Thank you!!!
        Neda <3 <3

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 17, 2019

          Hi Neda,

          You are so welcome. Oneness really can’t be explained nearly as well as when we start to feel it.

          This starts to happen with NARP through self partnering and clearing trauma.

          The way through and home isn’t cognitive, it’s within.

          That’s great you are going to start working with NARP.

          Love and blessings to you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • nedaencheva@gmail.com'
            Neda
            March 17, 2019

            Thank you, Melanie!
            I really hope I will feel that feeling and NARP will lead me there.
            ❤☺☺

  • bicyclehead@hotmail.com'
    michael
    March 16, 2019

    The part when you describe how it is basically all about the narcissist is so true. It is worse for children because they start off with the wrong foundation, with the mentality that they don’t matter unless they please the narcissist. They grow up not knowing how to love themselves, powerless from the start. A child of a narcissist caregiver and enablers basically grows up in a black hole where all of their energy is sucked out of them for the use of their narcissist caretaker and the child has no idea how to get out because he or she never had a chance having been born into and kept in a black hole from the start and that is where the fears come from, the fears of c.r.a.p. , another powerful message of yours that rings true but is hard for the person born into a black hole to understand because a person born into and sequestered in a black hole does not know there is light outside of the black hole. It takes a glimmer of light for such a person to be able to see there is another way of being and thankfully, because of the internet and websites like yours there is finally a glimmer of shining light for those who in the past had no chance of ever seeing it.

    • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
      Ariana Švigir
      March 16, 2019

      Yes 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi Michael,

      I’m so pleased you sense this glimmer of hope.

      Please know that there is such an easier, more direct and powerful path with Quantum Tools to heal than cognitive.

      Because underneath all of our trauma and abusive childhoods (I was the same) is a True Self who knows how to be Source and wellbeing when the trauma is released.

      It’s astounding how we already ‘are’ and don’t need to ‘learn’ how to become.

      If you haven’t already, I’d love you to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mallen22@hotmail.com'
    Megan
    March 16, 2019

    I keep replaying the feeling I will be annihilated if I don’t dance around someone. I had a job interview and afterwards, I felt spent and exhausted – red flag – and it turned out most of what they were saying was bullhonkey. Just like from my growing up experience…kind words, accolades, reassurances until they get you on the hook and then pretend that they didn’t say the things they did.

    The schedule is flexible –> The schedule is flexible for the clients. You need to work evenings and weekends as you agreed.

    Your make your own hours –> You need to arrive by 9 am, Mon to Fri, because that is what “everyone” does in the workplace. You will be reprimanded for arriving at 9:30 am, even if you worked 30 minutes overtime yesterday.

    You are in charge of rearranging your own schedule –> I will ask you to write out your schedule in 15 minute increments with the intention of finding fault in the way you have set up your schedule so that I can tell others you are not doing your job.

    You will share offices with one other person –> the offices are the space for everyone. I, the boss, will show up in your office and talk for 2 hours, regardless if you are trying to finish your work. I will not allow you to move any of the furniture in your office so that it is comfortable for you. I will let others rearrange their offices without questioning them.

    There is a lot of physical movement and you will not be expected to sit down all day –> you will sit down all day

    There was nonsensical instructions. Nonsensical examples. There were people saying that I needed specific line by line instructions because the absolute garbage I was hearing wasn’t enough. I could hear at least two other employees tell this same boss they could not understand what they needed to do – these were people with more experience and more training than me.

    And other ex and recent employees had the same experience of being told hours would be flexible and managed by the employee only to be fed “flexible for the clients” and “this is the job you agreed to.”

    Why did I do this at all?

    I got myself into a position of thinking that this was a great opportunity to get a job where I didn’t have the usual training. It was going to allow me to switch careers in a direction that I know is right for me. I felt like it was this “or nothing.” And so I convinced myself I did not have a choice – when in fact, I did. It was high stress and they were not honest with me about the basics. That should have been enough for me to have seen enough. The exhaustion after the interview was also mighty familiar. When my sister, who struggles with real empathy and truth in general, was spinning her web, I used to feel this same kind of exhaustion. It was the knowing that a lot of people would be fooled and I would not be understood or heard after it was all said and done…I would feel like a fly in web.

    That feeling after the interview could have been enough if I had understood what that feeling meant and trusted it. Now I do and I will. Painful – but a blessing in disguise.

  • donguermo@gmail.com'
    William Schermerhorn
    March 16, 2019

    I am astounded that these thriver courses are allowing me the deepest confidence that only ” ONES – SELF ” can self administer once great attention is scoped and accounted for of the ” ONE – SELF ” . ALLOWING FOR MORE THAN THRIVING BUT, GROTH AT THE CELLULAR AND GROSS ORGANISM LEVEL AS WELL A AS FLOURISHING TO BEYOND MY PREVIOUS ERRONEOUS PROGRAM .

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 16, 2019

      Hi William,

      That is wonderful that you are experiencing this transformation!

      Many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sandraallen440@gmail.com'
    Polly
    March 16, 2019

    Hi Mel
    This was really interesting to me again & feels very much true to where I am though I’m struggling to look back and work out where I need to heal from.

    Also, when I try and stand up for myself rather than keep the peace, I always struggle afterwards as I believe I’ve just acted selfishly and feel that I’m to blame for the eggshells feeling in the house.

    So I still ask about his day, sympathise if it’s been tough, even though I know if he returns the question he does it while saying he’s busy so can I be quick, or starts to look at his phone as I answer.

    Of course this isn’t every time but is also in the context of him telling me he loves me while seeing someone else ‘ because he can’t help himself’. We’ve been together over 20 years and I feel so lost in my emotions.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 17, 2019

      Hi Polly,

      Please know that when we use Quantum Tools to heal there is no longer a need to look back to work out what requires healing – instead we start picking up and clearing trauma through the body which is far easier and much more effective.

      Please know there is more than hope for you as well as a definite way to achieve this.

      The first step is here: http://www.melanietoniaevabs.com/freecourse

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jifmom@aol.com'
    Karen
    March 17, 2019

    THANK YOU!!!!!

    There are no words to describe how much THIS video, at THIS exact moment, has helped me. I needed to hear this message TODAY, and poof! There it was!

  • KAV1@protonmail.com'
    Kathy
    March 17, 2019

    I understand all of it now … my part in the dance, the historical why of it, the solution to stop partnering with Narcissists through inner healing those deep wounds. No more catering to bullies, users and takers , no more “keeping the peace” through self annihilation.
    If there are any intuitive red flags, the person is gone from my life instantly. Interestingly, narcissists no longer trigger or frighten me. They do not approach me anymore- no longer an easy target . One persistent toxic group still stalks and bullies- for 27 years . Since they cannot control me, they continue to successfully control those around me with grandiose promises of dates with movie stars and billionaires, business favors, etc. I leave the chaos they create behind and stay centered and filled with peace . It is a good place to be.
    Thank you Melanie.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 17, 2019

      That’s so great Kathy that you are being your True Self regardless of what others are or aren’t doing.

      Big kudos to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mlcarroll2001@yahoo.com'
    ml
    March 17, 2019

    Precision clarity, wise, and empowering – – thank you!

  • chayamushkachaikin@gmail.com'
    Flower
    March 17, 2019

    This really really spoke to me. I feel really sad grief loss and anger that I played this out in my childhood (and adulthood.) Exactly describes me. (Though less so since I started Narp.) What is the best module in Narp to release what you’ve written about.

    Imagine being able to completely let go of everyone elses energy needs wounds even my children’s and soley focus on my own. (Rather then trying to heap myself in order for everyone else not to be wounded by me.) What a relief. I am allowed to let go of the 100 kg bag of rocks hanging from over my shoulders my heart and my entire being really.

  • aoife.lawlor83@yahoo.com'
    AM
    March 17, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I am wondering what would be your advise in the following situation. I work with a woman who is responsible for confirming appointments for me, this is apart of her job description. However this person will lie and say she has confirmed the appointments even though she has not, often resulting in the client not attending for the appointment and my income being affected as a result. I have spoken to my employer about the situation who completely invalidated and minimised me, not wanting to deal with this girl at all. If I take responsibility for confirming my own patients am I enabling this girl and abandoning my own boundaries? Or is my peace of mind around knowing my patients will show up and I will get paid more important. I have done some healing work around taking on the responsibilities of my mother as a child, purely because my sense of survival and security depended on it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 18, 2019

      Hi AM,

      I am a firm believer in being the force for self where we can take care of self.

      If you can’t make her accountable and she is the cause of loss of income, then definitely take back that responsibility yourself. Until of course one day there will be someone acting in your best interests doing this for you.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • Aoife.lawlor83@yahoo.com'
        AM
        March 18, 2019

        Mel thank you so much for your reply, I am beyond grateful for your work. Never has anyone’s work resonated so deeply with me.
        I had made the decision to control what I can control and let go of the rest. Trust that life and the universe has my back.
        Thanks again Mel

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 18, 2019

          Hi AM,

          Please know how welcome you are, and the space you are in is just wonderful.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jolaherra@yahoo.com'
    Lali
    March 18, 2019

    Hello. How do you apply this to a narcissist boss? I am an empath and interacting with him for just 5 minutes leaves me drained and exhausted. I have been working for him for nine years. I can’t really get another job for now. I am still working on getting my degree. Every day, I feel so hopeless. I wake up in the mornings feeling fine, go to work with a positive attitude but then having to deal with him messes my day. I feel like I hate him. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore!

  • boudjebosma@hotmail.com'
    Boudewien Bosma
    March 19, 2019

    Helloo,
    It’s been a while (pfffff, life is never what you want it to be ;)) trying to fight me my way through fear and pain and all what’s left to heal as well.
    .
    You Know I cried out loud speaking out your Thriver Mantra. But it was out of relief ! and thankfulness.For all the understanding !
    I hardly dare to say it out loud , cause I have done that before but
    Relief is there.
    and fear of C.R.A.P. has been my biggest enemy but it is vanishing !! really it is !
    I can stll cry for my inner child . but at least I have found her and understand her so much better .
    Thank you Melanie .
    The last couple of months I asked a lot of myself . but I new it was my way of doing things , and it was worth it and please believe that at the moments I thought I could not go on Your NARP ( a safehaven)was there always to get me through it and without realising I am so much further,better and stronger and safer and taking my own life back so thoroughly I can hardly believe it is happening !
    Thanks so much .

    Lots of respect and thank You’s
    & and Good Luck with everything
    bye
    Boudewien

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 19, 2019

      Hi Boudewien,

      It’s lovely to hear from you again!

      I’m so pleased you are still on the path of healing and Thriving!

      You are doing such a great job 😀

      Much love to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • suziequeue74@gmail.com'
    Sue
    March 21, 2019

    I am recovering from my fourth narcissistic relationship. I have 2 children to a narcissist and I thought that I could never be hurt like that again. I have just come out of my last relationship to a narcisstic/sociopath of 2 years. The hardest part is the financial abuse and that he gave me an STD which I will never be cured of. In fact he blamed me for it and accused me of cheating. And I fell for it. The betrayal in every way is massive.

  • elisafrank23@yahoo.com'
    EJ
    March 21, 2019

    Thank you, Melanie, for this great video! My greatest narcissist at this time is my neighbors. They moved in over a year ago and have not stopped attacking me about my tree. They know I love it (and when they attack it, I feel its pain). They want me to cut it down and use abuse regularly against me and the tree. Things paused for a moment when I agreed to cut down some limbs (at a tidy sum because they kept chasing the tree people away and attacking me at the same time. Finally, I gave in to an expensive cutter). But then, we had a huge wind storm and a limb blew onto their roof. Now, it’s starting again with taking down the tree, they want a new roof at my expense, and they are getting other neighbors and county officials in on the attack that they are “right” and it’s my responsibility. I know nothing I do will be enough for them. But more than this, they did bring to light something I hadn’t wanted to see about my life. I have always known that I was “different” — sensitive. And I have come to identify that I’m an empath/HSP. But the process has been overwhelming in that I’ve been trying to fight the neighbors, that my life partner is now starting to take on some of these abusive behaviors because of things in her family and that I finally recognized my own mother had been an narcissist and I’d literally “lived” for her in my early life only to be thrown away when she had no use for me anymore. Devastating! So I’ve been struggling to just get by at this point, trying to shield myself by hiding, staying busy, and living in my head. Basically, I feel stuck in this overwhelm because I can’t leave. I have nowhere to go. But this video helped to let me know there is a way out if I can work through the inner self and not worrying about the fear of being harmed. I have been harmed before from the result of narcissists so when I answered the questions, I saw that fear was definitely an issue. I know, too, that I have to take things one step at a time and not try to do it all at once. Thank you for what you are doing to help HSPs and dealing with narcissists!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2019

      Awwww gosh EJ,

      Life is so about certain catalysts smashing our fears, pushing us back into our comfort zones or hiding within, until we go deeply within to address and heal these fears.

      When you do this, you fear will be gone re these catalysts and you will also have incredible uplevelled confidence and power in every aspect of your life.

      That is the glorious Thriver Path!

      You’ve got this EJ,

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • elisafrank23@yahoo.com'
        EJ
        March 22, 2019

        Thank you!

  • maryrosecoakley@gmail.com'
    Mary
    March 23, 2019

    I’m ready to being divorce proceedings against my narcissistic husband. He adopted my daughter from a previous narcissistic marriage and is trying to manipulate her and make me feel guilty. Because he is a local store owner and many years older than me, I have been accused several times of being a gold digger. When I talk to him about the divorce, he tells me he wants me to walk away with nothing (which won’t be hard since he has spent our entire marriage making sure my name isn’t on anything and we don’t own anything jointly). He even wants me to give back the truck he gifted to me last year, and he wants to keep it. I have an older truck (not as reliable) that I could go back to, but I’m not sure what to do. I just kept thinking if I walked away it would give him less to smear me on, but after watching your vidoes, I’m pretty sure he’s going to do that anyway. Is it wrong for me to pay for a divorce out of our joint account even though he’s going to be so so so angry? I’m at a loss at this point. I live in a very small town where everyone knows him and loves him so much due to the mask he wears. So many people in this town are legitimately going to hate me and blame me for ruining his life. Is there any advice you can give me? I have a meeting with a lawyer next week. I know I’m not healed yet, but I know that I really need to start the divorce process so I can begin to heal and feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Your videos make me feel like you’re living my life. I’m so thankful to have found you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 24, 2019

      Hi Mary,

      My heart goes out to you in this.

      Yes, I truly have known what it is like to be horrifically smeared like this.

      Mary, truly, in the fray is when we need to heal the most.

      Everything starts to come from that. It’s great you are seeing a solicitor, and the most important thing is that you start working on the inner you so that you can start generating the life and truth you wish to unfold in amongst this.

      That is my highest suggestion to you – with the starting point being here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      There truly is two ways – we just go through this, or we grow through.

      With n number 1 without the tools in the soaration I did the former. With n number 2 with the tools I promise you the fallout snd recovery was much more bearable.

      I hope this can help.

      Sending you hugs and strength, you can do this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • southfieldfairfax@gmail.com'
    deborah sage
    March 30, 2019

    If you speak up to them they say you are selfish, get yelled at,sworn at, called names and left to fend for yourself; as a kid by parents and by the narcissist. I was engaged to a narc and after 2 months the problems started; yep and he kept threatening me to stay. I do not know how I allowed it. I would break it off so many times. Yes he begged me back a million times but I finally blocked him out of my life permanently. I know he was physically abused as a kid and his sad stories kept me going and feeling bad for him. My life is better and honestly maybe this all happened for a reason-I am living my life authentically now that I have done all the work. If the narc never came in then perhaps I would not have lived my life so gratefully as I do now. I am still shocked this all opened up for me at 43 years of age when I met the narc. After only 10 months I am growing more than I ever did. There is light at the end.

  • viktoria.troester@gmail.com'
    Viktoria
    April 16, 2019

    #2 Dancing: Because my own family never spoke openly, I danced around my bfs family, who spoke and partially reflected. I tried to learn sth. and find hints for myself. But it all was so foggy in my mind that time.
    #3 Fear of hurting the other person and then feel the hurt myself. Also fear of not being able to live alone (was young and single overprotected child)
    I am now 8 years separated from this relationship. It gets clelarer and clearer how that one was wrong. Still difficult for me to evaluate my actual relationship and friendships.

  • gartenhut@yahoo.com'
    Joseph Huth
    May 10, 2019

    I did all of these things because I thought I had to do them to be a good person, that self-denial was essential, that I was “supposed to” do these things, that doing them was natural and real and if I didn’t, I was unworthy, undeserving, inadequate, and if I was unworthy, undeserving, and inadequate, then I was unloved. Once, when standing up for myself, my mother said “I love you because you are my son, but you need to be worthy of my love.” This mixed-message, manipulative statement says it all for me. It was only several months ago, and with your help, Melanie, that I began to understand what had happened to me. I am healing more and more every day. I am grateful to you for being an essential part of this process. Bless you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 10, 2019

      Hi Joseph,

      I am so happy for you that you are healing and emerging into your True Self and True Life.

      You are always welcome.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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