Melanie Tonia Evans

Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 55
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

One of the most painful aspects of narcissistic abuse is SMEARING.

Being discredited with any available information and even fabricated lies, is a horrible tactic that narcissists use to undermine your credibility and even to try to rip lives apart.

It’s completely usual for this to happen to you. Often after your relationship ends with a narcissist – and even during it – and certainly when problems arise within the relationship.

The feelings triggered within you may be so INTENSE that you may even feel like you are going to DIE.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I deeply and candidly share with you my journey with smearing – what I discovered and how I recovered QUICKLY in ways that ASTOUNDED me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists smear, it’s just what they do.

And when they do, they will undermine your reputation and often state that you are the one with massive psychological problems.

And boy do we feel like saying, ‘Would you like to look in a mirror?’

Anyway, today’s Thriver TV episode is all about how to NOT come across as the crazy one and feed the lies, and how to not just survive a narcissist’s smear campaign, but to actually defeat all attempts to discredit you.

To do this, I’m going to share with you my personal story with smearing – because I know it will help you a lot.

And I know you will want to watch this, because chances are you have been, or are being, smeared.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get started…

The ‘Genuineness’ of the Smearing

It is unthinkable for anyone with a conscience to tell downright lies about another person. And it is deeply hurtful when someone does this against you, and with such conviction as narcissists do.

You may not have realised this about narcissists, but they literally believe in their own BS. I know it’s unfathomable but it’s true – the narcissist’s disordered thinking has them firmly convinced that it is YOU who is the culprit, crazy and the problem.

Deeply unconscious people, who refuse to take any personal responsibility for their feelings and behaviour, are skilled at automatically flicking their internal switch to projection. In fact, it’s an automatic response that they have no control over.

And then there is the hardened psychopath type, who can chillingly look people straight in the eyes and tell them the most horrendous lies about you – without flinching.

Either way, when dealing with a narcissist, they are highly believable. I promise you this, narcissists know how to smear people in expert ways. They are skilled at making the smearing sound balanced and non-judgemental, to the point where other adults think ‘surely no adult would say that unless it is true’.

Whereas, as highly agitated victims, when we try to retaliate with OUR truth of versions, we are angry, devastated and come across as non-balanced and incredibly judgemental.

Who are people going to believe?

I really want you to think about this – whether you are talking one-on-one with your sister or on a stand in a courthouse.

 

Being Triggered in Relation to the Smearing

Of course you are triggered! There is nothing more devastating and unjust than having someone spread horrible lies about you – especially when those lies are usually exactly what that person themselves did to you!

However, I really want to set you straight here. It’s incredibly important you understand the truth in this.

Your triggers are handing the narcissist bullets to keep shooting you with. They make you look crazy, and they make the narcissist’s job of ripping you apart easy, destroying your credibility and life. The harder you try to get people and authorities to believe you and see the truth when traumatised, the less likely it will happen.

It may just seem like such a horrible deal, but it’s PURE Quantum Law – so within, so without – meaning if you attempt anything whilst being in a level of trauma, the only results you will get are more things to traumatise yourself about.

We always get MORE of who we are BEING.

This is why the DOING is totally ineffectual.

I have seen people smashed repeatedly, when stuck in the premise of trying to thwart the outside with ‘doing’ whilst traumatised. Tragically and horrifically I have seen people lose everything, even their children, when trying to defend against narcissist’s smear campaigns.

I wish it wasn’t the case, and I wish such horrors didn’t happen – but they do.

Rather than stay in our victimised beingness, there is another way to tackle the smears and to emerge victorious, a way where we don’t suffer the complete and utter devastation.

And it all starts with healing beyond your triggers.

 

The Deeper Reasons This is Happening

Those of you who know my work, know that I believe in past lives.

Those of you who really know my work, know that I believe when traumas are in our life, this is showing us that we already have an existing and matching trauma trapped within our energy field – otherwise whatever that is happening would not be in our experience today.

And here is the key…

When you do inner healing work with NARP, it takes you directly to the matching core wounds in your genetic, past life, childhood and collective human trauma history, and then releases them so that you can finally evolve beyond that experience.

When it’s gone from the inside, it MUST leave your experience on the outside. And it does.

In my previous experiences, before Thriver Recovery, there was always someone wanting to take me down, discredit me or smear me … and I mean always. And it was the narcissist’s smearing and dismantling of my Life that was the Big Bad Wolf, and the thing that completely blew my house and life down.

Having departments, authorities, family, friends and colleagues, and even my son, side with the narcissist, was so traumatising that I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.

Of course, initially, I did the predictable. I tried to justify, explain, stop it, go into damage control – it was beyond terrible. I was being destroyed everywhere and nothing I was doing helped, instead I was losing out horrifically.

When I finally woke up to the truth, I stopped what I was doing because I KNEW I had existing persecution programs in my subconscious. I finally understood that these attacks upon me were showing up as the BILLBOARD evidence in my life, of my inner wounds, as a result of what had happening to me before.

Evidence SO big and obvious that there was no avoiding this truth anymore.

No longer was I going to suffer the devastation – I was on to it. I completely took my focus off what was happening on the outside, and with Quanta Freedom Healing went diligently and purposefully to the inside where I found these persecution programs. Programs where I had been tried and found guilty, and even put to death, and as a result I had a literal terror of anyone thinking badly of me.

This realisation made so much sense to me. Even as a little girl, I had been terrified of doing anything wrong, and what would happen to me if I did.

I want you to understand that collectively this is a REALLY common wound amongst narcissistic abuse sufferers, and it is a terrible wounding that narcissists can use to try to destroy you.

Now I want you to also understand a deeper truth here, something REALLY important…

Narcissists will ALWAYS deliver to you the EXACT wounds that you need to heal. The wounds that you need to heal to go free and have your Highest and Best life.

Even before the narcissist, this subterranean terror of persecution, which I had carried for many lifetimes, was holding me back. It had stunted me and hurt me in more ways than I can describe. It had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and had stopped me from being fully myself.

 

Shifting Out of Persecution Programs

As I diligently met and cleared all my inner fears of persecution, the following miracles started to happen without me DOING anything – they were generating from my BEINGNESS.

I discovered that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life when they didn’t believe in who I was.

I knew who I was now, and I also knew that Source had my back. I felt safe and anchored in my body, regardless of what other people were thinking.

It was a miracle; I had never felt this way before.

That’s when everything shifts … the inner feelings precede the outer change.

People started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.

Justice came. But here is the thing – I hadn’t even needed it too, because I was at peace BEFORE it came.

And, true to Quantum Law, more things arrived to grant me peace.

All the smear campaigns and attacks stopped. Abruptly – they just stopped.

I discovered, going forward, that I was able to start speaking up, confront things, be myself. I no longer felt the angst of people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. In fact, the releasing of the persecution programs is what has allowed me to be so easy and open and revolutionary in my presentations with you.

The bottom line is, I’m just being me. I’m not worried about being judged or what people think. No longer am I living in the internal terrors of the times of being stoned to death or burnt on a stake!

 

What You Can Do Right Now

I really want you to know this – when you release all your fears, as a result of healing your internal persecution programs, the narcissist has no power over you.

Can you understand and admit what you have been trying hasn’t been working?

Are you willing to look for and live a deeper way of life that IS the truth?

If so, please write below – ‘I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

I promise you, when you start living like this, you will wonder how on earth you were ‘doing’ life any other way other than from your own CORE.

Whether you are still carrying the traumas of past smearing that has ripped your life apart, or you are in the middle of a horrific smear campaign, I promise you that when you find and release the resident trauma within you, all of it will disappear.

I have seen families reunited after decades after people did this inner work – because those who had been turned against them come back into their lives. I’ve seen narcissists defeated in court cases regarding property and custody after people diligently worked on their Inner Universe first and foremost.

Can something in you sense this is true? Your cellular inner being always knows the truth, when you listen to it.

Please come with me and find out more about how to heal all the internal traumas that have been causing you so much pain, including your persecution programs. Let’s end these horrible smear campaigns once and for all.

To do this, click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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101 Thoughts on Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy
  • arielslead@gmail.com'
    Pru
    July 22, 2019

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

    • kristen.zuzgo@gmail.com'
      Kristen
      September 6, 2019

      I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs, NOW!!!

      • Sparklenmn8@hotmail.com'
        CherylAnn
        September 18, 2019

        I’m going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs now!

  • lorispoon4a@gmail.com'
    Daisy Smith
    July 22, 2019

    I am going to be seeing the Narcissist that I was married to for 22 years in August. I will need to attend a function for my daughter and he will be there. I plan to not acknowledge him. My daughter want mne to say Hi to him. I feel that I do not owe him anything. Divorced for 9 yrs now

    • aznativegirl@gmail.com'
      Stephanie OBrien
      July 22, 2019

      I went to my daughter’s wedding, my ex was there. I started the divorce.process in 2000, it was 2008 when I finally found an attorney to shut him down. The wedding was in 2016, he triangulated my whole family, told a story of my daughters birth in which I wasn’t present and had one of his ex wives speak. He was using the whole event to be a predator to his next wife and my daughter helped him.

      They are not rational. No contact means NO CONTACT. FOREVER.

    • mebefox1627@gmail.com'
      Connie Fox
      July 22, 2019

      Hi Daisy,

      I’ve got the same thing coming up in 2 weeks. My daughters boyfriend is having a surprise engagement party. My narcissist will be there along with the newest supply of 4 months (there’s been a few). We were together for 30 years, 27 married. We met at 16 and he walked out when I was 49 (I’m 52). Our divorce was final July 2017. I’ve struggled with triggers but have continued to work on my modules.

      I posted on 7/21 on the NARP forum about the fear I have about attending this party and I received wonderful advice from Melanie and from a Senior Moderator – Kamots7. As Melanie stated in this thriver episode, these painful places we must attend, get us to true healing, strength and our inner knowledge of who we are. We know they’ve smeared us, they’ll put on a show and if your’s is anything like mine, will be as nice as can be to push our buttons.

      Melanie suggested Module 1 and the Bonus Module 2: Source Healing and Resolution. If you don’t have the NARP program, continue to follow Melanie and look at prior thriver episodes. Melanie and this community have been my saving grace.

      I wish you nothing but strength! I’ll be with you in spirit and the hope you and your daughter have a wonderful time. I KNOW we can get through this, because that’s what great mom’s and thrivers do!!

      All the best, Connie

      P.S. I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        July 22, 2019

        Connie sweetheart

        Its sooo awesome you are standing up and going to heal.this, and thank you for encouraging others.

        So proud of you!

        Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • suzanne.hh@icloud.com'
    suzanne Humphreys-Hogg
    July 22, 2019

    Exactly on point ! Doing your program has restored my sanity and my life !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Hi Suzanne,

      I’m so pleased NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has created this breakthrough for you.

      Continued love and blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    • bozofortza28@gmail.com'
      Jane
      July 23, 2019

      Wonderful Article!
      I am going through this myself for almost 6 years, with a psychopath stalker or somewhere around Cluster B spectrum. that sad twart has kept gathering people, smearing me to bosses, and now is the 3rd town they try to do the me! I am on the verge of losing my mind I am tired of this bs. I Go through the exact same things you stated! 3rd town as soon as I try to build something, get hired, or make friends they start the same old shit again :(( I do not have any control over their behavior and its batant LIES. the more I try to explain the more people avoid me but constantly these narcs and Sociopaths have to follow my every move and “compete” with me lol. People started to see through the bs, but not enough how can they so easily believe word salad and lies?? Thank You a milion, Jane

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        July 23, 2019

        Hi Jane,

        Thank you!

        Please see my response to Sara above.

        I hope this can help you.

        Mel 🙏💕♥️

    • charlottenlr9@gmail.com'
      Charlotte Richardson
      August 24, 2019

      I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs Now ! Thank you , I am in tears of gratitude and other emotions and hope , more than hope , belief , relief that I can heal after reading this article , I feel and have felt this all my life and lifetimes. This program has shown up so strongly with someone recently, the pain so great that has shown me nothing else I can or need to do right now than to see it and heal it . I can absloutely see how it has carried through lifetimes personally and collectively, and why it it so common. Needless to say the persecution of women over centuries , persecution of people , countries, a great deal of the world behaves the way it does because of these programs and memories carried for generations but not identified to be healed . Meditation has been a way for centuries , and through your work Melanie, your help , your gift to reach many more , to have things explained such that you help to identify what has been previously identifiable and your program on how to heal directly along with the beautiful support you give also in community is a breakthrough needed so much in these times now , and thank you so much for sharing , giving the gift you have harnessed to help so many of us and , needless to say and thankful to say , it is spreading and healing and well, thank you so much ! Lots of love and gratitude to you and all of us who are healing for ourselves and thus life . Thank you . 💗
      P.S . I thought I had no words as I was crying , this all just came out ! Thank you !

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 24, 2019

        Awww Charlotte,

        I am so pleased you are feeling this breakthrough!

        So much love and blessings to you

        Mel 🙏💞💛

      • shaelalivingston@gmail.com'
        Shae
        September 17, 2019

        I started my inner work ten years ago. I had lost everything in my first marriage to a narc including my three year old daughter. In 2009, I was outside sitting on my porch and wondering what to do next. I could either end my life, and take as many of the people who played a part in my devistating loss, with me. Or I could try to rebuild my life. I prayed and told my creator that I was flawed and broken, There were no pieces left to pick up and start over. My life was complete ashes. I gave myself to my creator ans told him that was all I had to offer him. I asked him to do with me what he could, so I could be of use to him. Immediately I felt this overwhelming sense of peaceI had never experienced before.I felt the love of my creator and everything around me. I knew he accepted my gift of my broken self. After being homless for about a month. I found a small studio to rent. In 2011 I met my recent ex narc. I was lonely and vonerable at the time and we were married in 2012. However, this time I had gaind enough sself love and reliedd on my creator to guide me, I didn’t fall for his crap. I started school in 2013,and recieved my B.A in Accounting in 2017. All my ex said to me was, ” good now I can stay home and you can support me.” In my mind I screamed ” heck no”. I knew in that moment I would take the next safe opportunity to Divorce him. I start school again to earn my M.S in Accounting/Auditing, four months later. I April 2018 my ex was put in jail agin. My divorce was final in September. He was released in November. I have been able to go no contact since July 2019. That is when I asked myself the two most important questions I have ever asked myself. Why won’t he leave me alone? More important, What is it about me that I keep attracting theses these people and situations in my life. I wzs inspired to look up Narcissism. I found my ex has all the indicators of a covert narcissist. I quickly switched gears to myself. I was inspired to take a personality test. After taking several tests 3 or more times and getting the exact same results. I accepted that I’m an IFNP personality type. It is a rather rare personality type, IFNPs are only 4% of the population. As I researched my personality type, my whole life finally made sense. I was so excited to find out that I was not fundamentally broke like I was told my entire life. I decided to go all the way down the Rabbit hole, and see where all my toxic relationships began. I traced it back to my mother. I compared her behavior to a narcissist behavior and it closely matched. I was inspired to research the different types of narcissist. When I researched alturistic narcissist I was blown away her behavior fit exactly. I was able to test my theory by putting up some boundaries. Her reaction was very telling. She stood up an threw a temper tantrum like a two year old. She asked me why I was asking for space, when she had been there for me even when no one else was, I wanted to ask her, Why do you think that is. But I decided to hold my tongue. She stomped to the door and slamed it shut. I had to appoligize the next day when I realized she has financial control over me right now. My friend helped me realize that I Graduate on October 22, in just over 5 weeks, with my Masters. She told me to get a job, save money, get an appartment, and walk away from my trust, which owns my house. My mom is the executor of my trust. It was a very powerful conversation, because I had not thought of that solution, I had gotten stuck in the problem. Your videos have been helpful. I do not know where I am in the healing process. I could use some guidance.

  • Katbecker26@gmail.com'
    Katherine
    July 22, 2019

    The guy I was with left me feeling humiliated and ashamed. He was manipulative and cruel and I could not let go, even though I moved jobs and countries. However I was the one that smeared his name as it was the only way I felt I could get some sort of justice, but that was totally wrong thinking. I just played into his hands and made myself look very bad to many people. I lost a number of friends over this and he is living his best life with the new person. I have struggled mentally ever since. Does this make me a narcissist too Melanie?

    • stitchandsew99@gmail.com'
      Henry Gee
      July 22, 2019

      The thing which sets you apart from a narcissist is that you recognize what the issue is and have a sense of guilt and doubt about your actions. Work through the programs, find your power. You will no longer feel the need to smear him and his smears will not matter in the least. Live your truth powerfully!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Hi Katherine,

      No it doesn’t.

      When we were feeling victimised and traumatised of course we all did this to try to defend ourselves!

      You have a conscience Katherine, that comes across in spades in your post with the way you take personal responsibility.

      Sending you love and healing

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • nanaweiman@gmail.com'
        Cecilia
        July 23, 2019

        Through all my counseling, you are the one who straightened my mental, physical, and emotional life. In 1 week of listening to you, I got free of acute depression of 50 or more years. I’m learning new things every day about changing my life to being aligned with my true self.
        I thank you for your program. It was worth every penny. You are a God sent. Keep going in your good work. Love to you!!!❤🌹
        I wish everyone sees your program and gets healthy as you made me!!!❤

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 23, 2019

          Awww Cecilia,

          I am so thrilled that NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and my material granted you your healing breakthrough and helped you come home to yourself.

          So much love to you beautiful lady, and I too wish the NARP Quantum inner transformation for all.

          It was what saved and gave me my life too.

          Big love and hugs … I’m so happy for you.

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • Katbecker26@gmail.com'
        Katherine
        July 23, 2019

        Thank you Melanie, At the time I was angry and felt no guilt at all but I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was speaking up for myself as I could not do this when I was actually with him. I did call him and told him he abused me but the line was so bad I could not hear what he was saying after some initial nasty comments. I wanted others to know what he was really like. This unburdening happened a year after he finally dumped me and lasted for around six months. I have not done anything like this for over three years now. It has taken years to start moving forward even though I have not worked for a while. I don’t miss him, I miss the old me.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 23, 2019

          Hi Katherine,

          You are very welcome and its wonderful that you wish to start moving forward.

          It’s also great that you recognise this is about missing you. I promise you that when you do the right inner work and heal, the Katherine you unearth will be unrecognisable as the True Self and life that you really desire.

          You can come with me to see how this works here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

          Much love Mel

          🙏💕♥️

  • imstrongernow27@gmail.com'
    Sarah Palazzo
    July 22, 2019

    What can I do to get custody back from my narsasisstic exhusband. How do I win in court to show the judge what is really happening in mine and my childrens lives by their narsasisstic father/ my exhusband?

  • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
    Iris
    July 22, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    I find that the higher I go in releasing my attachment to a little human existence and identity and instead focus on identifying with the eternal ONE I that I Am, I become more and more inoculated from pain of every sort.

    Yes it hurt to be maligned but for other reasons…

    I’ve always said i could never be blackmailed because I don’t have any secrets! Even as a publically listed professional, for years I work only for God… It only hurt because of the compassion I felt for him. He couldn’t even make up a lie about me. My friends and family know me too well.

    So, I think – it is in the Name and vibration of TRUTH of KINDNESS of GRACE and of PEACE where total safety from the pain of smearing is secured. Living in that integrity, the only pain is knowing how obvious their lies are and that they’re the only ones that lose.

    IDENTITY is rather made clearer than ever when challenged and forced to be defined.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      I completely agree Iris.

      The more solid our integrity and knowing it is solid… the less the mud sticks!

      Much love to you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    July 22, 2019

    I’m going to find and live free of my persecution programs now.. I have been scapegoated all my life by so many people.. how exciting to think it can be gone from my existence.

    My daughter put up a terrible smear campaign a year or so ago. She is an N and is in a totally dysfunctional relationship where there is allot of domestic violence that sometimes involve someone pulling a knife. She had attacked her partner twice with a knife..

    When I expressed credible concern for the new baby and went to her partners family thinking we could join forces to help our children I was discredited by her. She told the family that I was trying to take the baby off her and for myself. They believed every lie despite the fact the male partner had stitches in his head and a black eye. They said they saw no evidence that what I said was true and threatened me that I would never see that child and they would take me to court and win. I was the enemy..

    I have gone no contact after reporting them to child protective services and not seen my daughter or granddaughter since. Very painful indeed.

    I will take this to NARP and module it until I am clear.

    Mel, there is so much about your program I love but by far your emotional honesty is the best, best, best. I am so grateful to have you and your work and NARP and the wonderful loving supportive community in my reality

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Awww Robyne darling,

      Please know how welcome you are.

      Sweetheart in the last few days, watching you turn around absolute devastation into hope, power and action with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and witnessing your breakthroughs has been spectacular.

      It reminds me so much of what I live … that when we Go Quantum and do this inner work, the miracles can happen very quickly.

      You’ve got this one too Dear Lady.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • marie.barclay10@gmail.com'
    marie
    July 22, 2019

    I have a horrible feeling that in my last life I worked in a Nazi death camp. I have visions of bodies being piled up with certain trucks and put in the ovens. There were so many and the Germans acted like they were no better than dead rats. The fear and deep panic coming from those people while they were being gassed still haunts me. Will your course Mel relieve me from this nightmare? Please reply………..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Hi Marie,

      100 percent NARP loads up and purges ALL trauma that we target.

      The answer is absolutely YES!

      I look forward to helping you get free with the NARP module work.

      Mel🙏💕♥️

  • acoppola808@gmail.com'
    Alison
    July 22, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    I just did a module on this and I feel so much better. And they were BIG ones. Phew… And I’ll say it again:

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!!

    🙂
    Ali Bear

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Alison,

      You go lady!

      Great work… the relief and truth of power is massive when you go free from persecution programs.

      Its key to our entire life.

      Awesome stuff!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Taralynn462@aol.com'
    Tara
    July 22, 2019

    It’s hard to stay silent, but let their serpents tongue keep telling lies, the truth always comes out. They can only fool people but for so long.

    • Robynem@bigpond.net.au'
      Robyne Mckay
      July 22, 2019

      So true Tara, the mask slips and the lies get revealed eventually. The truth always surfaces in the end and usually by their own doing

  • Paulaapples@icloud.com'
    Pau
    July 22, 2019

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

  • e@evoorman.com'
    ENPB
    July 22, 2019

    Thank you Melanie, I will find, and release any inner programs that allow people to scapegoat me. XE

  • Karen.flynn@ntlworld.com'
    LouLou11
    July 22, 2019

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW.
    Melanie doing NARP is restoring my sanity and my life also.
    I have been in the middle of it all and feeling mashed up and broken some days but can feel a little bit more joy each day.
    I honestly don’t know what I would have done without your programme as I was struggling to believe in myself after 30 years of being told I was the problem. The discrediting has such a negative effect on your life and has badly affected my relationship with my children in the past. Doing the NARP work is changing this.
    Much love to you all 💗
    Melanie I cannot thank you enough 💗

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Hi LouLou,

      That great NARP is helping so much.

      You’re doing a fantastic job and I’m so happy for you that you are being freed from this trauma to live your True Life.

      Many continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Exsilentio@aol.com'
    Ann
    July 22, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    I losty my dream job and friends and colleagues that were like a family to me because of N smearing and me defending myself so desperately… Is it possible to regain those things after shifting? Or do I have to accept it’s lost?

    With love
    A

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      Hi Ann,

      Sweetheart please know, after shifting, here is the irony… we feel so much peace, wholeness and love inside us that we have no attachment to whether or not these things return.

      Then they usually do.

      Please feel what I am saying deeply.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • greenbnk@rogers.com'
        Nicole
        July 26, 2019

        This is the most remarkable thing about QFH, Mel. My friends can’t get over how strong I am considering what I’ve “been through” the last year. (I started QFH last summer, so I’ve been at it a year, now.) Most definitely I feel more me today than I have at any other time of my life and I know that using QFH, I’m becoming more whole every day. Recently I was at an event with my kids and my ex-n (our kids are still at that age that the both of us attend events with them but we’re arriving separately). I couldn’t help but remark to myself afterwards how I used to think he was such a catch. Now all I can think is ‘catch and release’. I don’t mean that in a mean way. I mean it in a way that if I was then, who I am now, things would have evolved much differently between us, (slowly b/c of boundaries!) and maybe we would not have been together for long. But then my kids would not be here, (or these kids I have now, and they’re wonderful!) so I have no regrets. Instead, I am thanking God for the good that came from our time together (kick starting my evolution to Me and for my children;) and, I am thanking God for the blessings and abundance that have come to me since we separated. Today, I’m actually feeling compassion for my ex-n, thinking about what he might be going through to reinvent himself for the next woman in his life. It’s interesting how detached we become when we accept that it is not personal with an N. That a new partner is just a means to an end for them, and they are just acting in love/loving with them like they did with us, and the ones before us. Whereas, the truth of the matter is what happens on the crazy train to Wrong Town. (Crazy being the operative word.) Coincidentally, that night I referred to above, a lifetime friend of his and their family arrived to the same event. This was the first time since my ex-n and I separated that I have seen anyone from his circle, and by the looks of ‘it’ the smear campaign is in full swing (he’s the victim!). I didn’t have any reaction to seeing them or being in their proximity. Neither immediately or afterwards. Usually I would feel shock and panic at seeing someone I didn’t ever want to run into again; and then afterwards, a million things would be running through my mind, leaving me feeling like a victim – persecuted and defenceless. Essentially drained and defeated. I didn’t have *any* of that going on inside me. There’s no point defending the indefensible (what really went down between us/the subsequent smear campaign (his cover up!)). One of them asked me if I was doing “ok”. (Yes.) And she could see, indeed, I was better than “ok” (validates his smear campaign/victimhood). I detached by pivoting the conversation to the kids and [them]. Then it was time to take our seats and we parted company. No doubt about it, I have reconciled and evolved past my ex-n and his circle, it’s just about finally getting through the process of legalizing the finality of it all. All this peace and strength because of your QFH program you so generously shared with me and so many others, Mel. I hope those sitting on the sidelines finally take the “quantum leap” and sign-up for your FREE (!) 16-day program. It’s pivotal – a real wake-up call. Understatement.
        Namaste!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 27, 2019

          Hi Nicole,

          I’m so happy that you are thriving despite what happened.

          It really is true that when we release our inner being trauma that we become happier and more whole than we ever knew.

          Thats awesome that you have got to this level!

          Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and feelings and for inspiring others lovely and.

          Much love to you and your children

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

          • greenbnk@rogers.com'
            Nicole
            July 27, 2019

            Thank you, Mel. I love your Modules. Your voice is so comforting, it feels like Home. I’ve gotten to where I am with this life event/what it has conjured up, that’s it. My life is just taking structure, so slowly I am coming out of my cocoon and that will be the litmus test how much I’ve healed. There’s still negotiating the terms of our divorce that hasn’t even begun yet. So I’m diligently shifting everything that comes up to prep. Like today for instance. Initially when I was commenting on this thread, I had to edit my comment, and subsequently, I switched my screen and turned inwards to use the Source Healing and Resolution Module because of what I wrote. I was documenting an internal program! What a breakthrough!! Easy, but so big and “in my face” I couldn’t see it before. But now I realize it was always playing in the background like some sort of muzak track! It was a real ah-ha moment for me! The one thing I am surprised about (for lack of a better word,) is that I literally felt nothing when his lifetime friend and family arrived to that event I referenced above. My response to seeing them was like seeing a stranger and their party ascended the escalator (my response to the purple dress was more emotional (I really liked it,) than realizing who was wearing it). I think that’s odd but in a happy sort of way!

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            July 28, 2019

            Hi Nicole,

            This is a wonderful breakthrough.

            You are doing so well Nicole with your healing, and this will put you in the best possible position for your divorce settlement.

            Sending love and continued blessings to you.

            Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    July 22, 2019

    Dearest Melanie

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programmes now.

    This episode I had to listen to 3 times as it is so full and deep.
    A lifetime of living in fear of this is enough and now I am going to clear these deep wounds of many lifetimes out so that I can fully live myself which I have never know as the mega people pleaser and the handler over of my power I was from my little child in this lifetime.

    Thank you Melanie you are so brave and courageous.

    Love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 22, 2019

      My darling Reena,

      Thank you as always for your kind words.

      And please know that your bravery has certainly not gone unnoticed either!

      So much love to you beautiful woman.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • r0zab@hotmail.com'
        Rosa
        July 22, 2019

        I dated a man and after we broke up I realized he was a BDSM Narcissist. He told me April 30 when he called me to give him 30 days to get rid of his new girlfriend that he cheated on me with. He told me 3 times on April 30 to text him on May 30. BIG mistake I did and on June 1st he brought charges on me for phone harassment from March 1 to June 1st. We were still seeing each other in March. I have phone records showing he called me April 27, 4 times after hanging up on him and 2 times on April 30 after hanging up on him. I now have a protective order against him. We go to court August 2019 to ask judge to continue PO and we go to court September 2019 for phone harassment that he brought against me. I am so upset that now I am taking meds for high blood pressure.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 23, 2019

          Hi Rosa,

          I am so sorry you are going through this.

          Unwholesone is unwholesone and he certainly is. Wishing you healing to rise up out of this and beyond this.

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • susancampbellnb10@gmail.com'
    Susan
    July 22, 2019

    Thank You so much for all you have done for me. I am just getting out of my marriage with an narrist…..it has been a journey.
    I have met someone who is so sincere and kind, although I have my guard up.
    Seems I have built a wall around me and I am so scared to let him in…..
    I hope I can survive and believe again that not everyone was like my ex….

    • rthanford@gmail.com'
      Rich Hanford
      July 23, 2019

      Susan,
      Can I relate 2 scenarios I have gone thru with relationships of marriage I had. I started dating
      after my first wife of 15 years passed, just 3 months later and must have dated a dozen women over 12 years before marrying a second time. I separated from her 15 months ago after
      8 1/2 years of marriage when realizing she was a NARC and after being in a rather deep state of
      depression and stumbled into Melonie’s NARP program on U-Tube and have been working
      the NARP program solidly for 10 months and still haven’t felt ready to start dating yet.

      HOWEVER, I have made great progress, am out of my state of depression, get out to dancing, but still not looking for anyone to date YET. Just saying, that for me this time, I have taken the time to get many of the hooks out of my system. And I am in my 70s, feeling a little pressure to get going. and
      would love to me a special woman. I hope this might help you some, I feel confident my way of
      doing it has helped me a lot. Best to you,
      Rich
      hooks out, am much more empowered and thriving and hope to be ready to start getting
      out there.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Susan,

      You are very welcome. Please know Dear Lady the more we heal, the more you can show up with an open heart being yourself and also knowing you can look after yourself

      Ir is absolutely a self development healing journey

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • nataliegeraerts@gmail.com'
    N
    July 22, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I felt my persecution issues very strongly. I also believe in past lives and I know the life that is te rawest of them. With NARP I had a shift after realizing that I’m smeared at my workplace (boss is also a narc) and will not be able to stay there because of the bullying or maybe I need to say: I had it with the abuse. I gained an inner calmness after the shift that night. I don’t feel like a haunted deer anymore. I still have pain at one spot in my body I suffered pain in the past life (SI joint pelvis). What I did until now was finding a job to become independent from ex (he still needs to pay for me). I want(ed) to cut all the bindings but I ended up several times in a toxic workplace. Now after the ‘shift’ they invited me soon for a job interview (but with the former jobs they were also quick at seeing me). What’s different this time is that I feel I don’t want to engage in something if it isn’t right (respect for my values). So I feel like i have the following options: I can go for the job I will have an interview (that’s in an organization were they still have a masculine view on helping people, of course this is still the case in more organizations) or I can take my clients to my place (I’m self employed and there’s nothing in the contract that this is not allowed). since the narc ex and I are in the same field it’s difficult to not meet people on a workplace who know him.
    Do you have any advice in this? I have a colleague who was also nar abused at a similar work (not smeared but narc boss), she took her clients and started her own business. She says she doesn’t like it anymore to work in/for someone else…May i ask what your experience is with all the people you helped concerning the topic/cross road i’m standing for?
    I feel this can be a growth experience but it also feels like a test/ am i going to do an other round to be beaten up even harder or am I going to leave the old patterns alone? It feels strange how i feel, but positive…normally i would beg the stars from heaven to have that job to free myself financially and now it doesn’t feel like i just want to jump into it certainly not if it is an other snake pool. I don’t know how strict i have to take no contact (also with people who know the narc)? Because what if the world of work is very little?

    thank you <3

  • suzywilliams6@gmail.com'
    Suzanne Williams
    July 22, 2019

    I welled up when i listened to this, not because i felt sad but because I think i’m finally there! I still have trauma in me and have been dealing with a man who seems to be showing signs of narcissism. He’s has smeared anyone else whos deared to cross him in the past and now it seems that its my turn. But I don’t care! I genuinely don’t care what the people in my community think. I know the truth of me and what i believe is happening. i might be wrong, but thats ok as well, i know my actions came from a place of caring. There is still stuff in there but I’m working on it as it comes up and even thought I have bad days, progress is happening. Thank you melanie for the programme and all your work, it’s helping so much.

  • harrietfkaplan@gmail.com'
    Harriet
    July 22, 2019

    Wow. Melanie, this was an amazing insight. I love, admire and am so appreciative of your work, but I don’t think I have ever heard you or ANYONE ever name this vague terror as Persecution Program. That really nails it. My body was buzzing from the resonance of being able to identify it with words. Makes so much sense and is such an incredibly helpful insight.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Harriett,

      I’m so pleased this deeply resonated with you.

      It was so key for me too.

      Lots of love to you lovely lady.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • saralynnstutsman@gmail.com'
    Sara
    July 23, 2019

    The ex and I were part of a tight group of college friends that goes back almost 40 years. When we separated, the entire group, including my 2 roommates from school, fully embraced him and shut me out completely. After 10 months, the couple I respected the most (AND had the most on their plate regarding a life-threatening illness), reached out, and we see each other regularly. In addition, not one member of his side of the family (a pastor’s family who proclaim to be good Christians) reached out…

    I understand the Flying Monkey concept; it took me more than 3 decades to figure out his bizarre behaviors at home, so how could others begin to grasp him with his public mask welded in place. What I DON’T understand is how these “friends” and “family” just took his word and discarded me just like that. How is it that NONE of them cared enough to even acknowledge me?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Sara,

      I can completely understand your disbelief, because I too experienced everyone turning their back on me and going to him. Even my mother was still visiting him and doing his ironing.

      This is the thing I’ve learned about narcissituc abuse recovery and smearing specifically, is that if we try to work out any of them, it equals how to ‘lose.’

      Yet, if we turn inwards and heal what has been triggered within, then the trauma is gone, we get peace within and often these people come back …. yet by that stage we dont need them to in order to feel whole and resolved.

      The Quantum bigger picture truth is they do this to hurt us, and allow us to meet and heal ourselves, to go forth into the next Highest version of ourselves.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • sarahofthedancingtemple@gmail.com'
    Sarah
    July 23, 2019

    Thank you for this message, Melanie.
    Oh my, yes, many times I have been swept away in wild expressions of upset.
    It is so infuriating the outright lies and the horrible destruction!
    And yes, it is merely FOOD for this person. I have become so aware of when
    I am energetically feeding the narcissist. It is like handing over a juicy platter to them.

    When doing the NARP work, the very first process, I had many memories of being in highly traumatic
    scenarios. Violence all around me. Not knowing which way to turn. People dying and screaming all around me.
    I could literally feel in my leg a place where an arrow had wounded me. I was dying and all this trauma and chaos was around me.
    There was no peace.

    I love what you shared: “I knew Source had my back.”

    This kind of Trust is what does naturally unfold or arises from our depths as Peace is found.

    I will continue working on my inner universe.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      How great Sarah that you are working on living free of trauma, and repairing your relationship with Self, others and life.

      Much love and many continued blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • cwlarry@aol.com'
    Marilyn
    July 23, 2019

    Thank you so much seems so little to say. I have been focusing within whenever my soon-to-be ex does something hurtful. He has the stage and the mic (sometimes literally) and people will support him. I choose to be silent and lean toward healing instead of on what was done. Currently, trying to help my teenage sons do the same.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Marilyn,

      Thats beautiful you are turning inwards, honouring you and leading the way for your Sons.

      Sending blessings and breakthroughs for your life ahead.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • nanaweiman@gmail.com'
    Cecilia
    July 23, 2019

    Through all my counseling, you are the one who straightened my mental, physical, and emotional life. In 1 week of listening to you, I got free of acute depression of 50 or more years. I’m learning new things every day about changing my life to being aligned with my true self.
    I thank you for your program. It was worth every penny. You are a God sent. Keep going in your good work. Love to you!!!❤🌹
    I wish everyone sees your program and gets healthy as you made me!!!❤

  • alina.renea17@gmail.com'
    Alina Rhoades
    July 23, 2019

    Thank you for this video. I have been going through the NARP program but have remained stuck because of this one problem. Not only was there a boyfriend (now ex and 3 thousand miles away) but also my daughter spreading huge horrible lies about me. The ex spreading lies was hard enough and the lies were hardly believable for anyone but my daughter has turned friends and some family members against me. I can not imagine that anyone would believe that I could do anything so horrendous to my daughter who I have not seen in 5 years. The accusations were out of the blue and devastating. The police investigated me and gave me a polygraph. Even though I was cleared of all charges some people still believed her. Over the last 2 years I have ended up alone and agoraphobic. Healing seemed hopeless and I have been unable to be around anyone. I have shut myself up in my own house and only go out when I absolutely have to. The pain is not only in my heart but in my back which had gotten so extreme I almost could not walk. I am now getting help from a psychiatrist and a chiropractor. This video accurately describes my biggest fear and greatest obstacle in my recovery process. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone, that this can be healed and that this is the one big thing I need to focus on. Your videos and the NARP course has been a life saver (literally). Thank you is not enough. You are a gift and I share your videos with my friends and anyone that I think would be helped by them.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Alina,

      My heart goes out to you for what you have been through, especially with your daughter.

      Please Alina come into our NARP members forum where myself and other very experienced Thrivers can help support your healing and breakthrough http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      You dont have to do this alone, we are here for you.

      Sending you love

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • alina.renea17@gmail.com'
        Alina Rhoades
        August 1, 2019

        Thank you for your response! Your videos and NARP program have been a great help and I will continue to do the modules so that I can thrive too.

        Love! Love! Love!
        Alina

  • bicyclehead@hotmail.com'
    Michael
    July 23, 2019

    Excellent points made. One more point is that not only what you call resident internal trauma can be from childhood or a past life but can also be ancestral. We inherit the emotional wounds of our ancestors as they get passed down at the cellular level just as we inherit physical traits such as eye color, and height, and so on. It is too difficult for someone stuck in the trauma loop to see it unfortunately. One must be outside of it too see it, a conundrum.
    Furthermore, most people outside of it who can see those in it don’t understand it and, although they want to help, are incapable of helping because of their misunderstanding. Those outside of it who do see those stuck in the trauma loop and understand it are the abusers. Therefore, the only people who can help those stuck in the seemingly inescapable black hole of internal trauma are only people who were once there and escaped and are now on the outside of it. Before the internet and websites such as yours, getting even the slightest cognitive understanding of the trauma loop was nearly impossible. All of your articles make sense and hit the mark. Thank goodness for the internet and people like you who are reaching into the black hole with a helping hand, shining some light into their awareness and pulling those stuck people out.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Thank you Michael,

      Absolutely trauma is generational, and my healing program NARP does address the finding and healing of that as well!

      I agree with you that unless we address trauma at these levels, there isn’t a possibility of iving free from it.

      Thank you for your comment Michael.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 23, 2019

    My older cerebral covert Narc stepdaughter plays the victim she attempted to recruit me as the newest member of her pity party just minutes after she instigated a row with her then boyfriend (which was not done in front of me) I’m so pleased that I never gave her any narc supply as my intuition told me that she had a massive sense of entitlement. And I found I was right in doing so as later she put me through the idealize, devalue and discard phases very quickly. I got no explanation or remorse or apologies. All I got was “I don’t want you in my life”. She is a big N – a big Narcissist. She’s a waste of skin. She is worthless, meaningless, irrelevant, unimportant and insignificant and she means absolutely nothing to me now. There’s nothing positive to say about her because there’s nothing positive about her. THERE I SAID IT AND I MEAN IT!!!

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    July 23, 2019

    It is so nice to not be frightened of these people anymore. They just look so ridiculous now. Really, really ridiculous.

    One of the best things (of many) about having crossed paths with a narcissist is that it can completely heal you from ever judging a book by its cover….a human habit that we all could work a little harder at getting rid of. After being in a relationship with a covert narc, I’ve never been able to look at anyone I don’t know and form a fictitious story in my head about who they are. Being a black person, I never really did that a lot, to begin with, because I didn’t like when it was done to me. But my relationship with a covert narc gave me a deeper perspective on just how easy it is to fill in the blanks or trust a stranger based on completely superficial things.

    How do you know you are healed from narcissistic abuse? You start seeing everything you’ve gained from the experience instead of everything you’ve lost. I think I could totally write a Top 10 list of all the blessings.

    Love you Mel. Thanks for helping me find my light again.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Asha,

      I love what you have written here.

      It is so true Asha, what we have gained, as a result of healing, is epic.

      You are so welcome Asha and keep shining your beautiful light.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 23, 2019

    I became a born-again christian in 2014 after I turned 30 in that same year and from a theological perspective there is a special place in hell for liars and it is the lake of fire and so after these antisocial personality disorder people die they go straight to hell to go through suffering, torture, torment, punishment and to go through separation from God in hell for all of eternity – that’s the real justice and karma right there!. They are constantly breaking the 9th commandment ‘thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour’. The Narcs come across as convincing and with their credibility and integrity always intact because they are extremely beguiling and they may do hypnotic NLP – (Neuro Linguistic Programming) – (language) on other people. That’s why they’re so successful in their lies, deceit, slander, libel and smear campaigns of other people. These Narcs are massive hypocrites as they falsely accuse their victims of doing the things that they themselves are doing, these Narcs also do double standards and special pleading as well too. God has blessed me because my family put me into government and spiritual gangstalking programs since my parents conceived me in my mother’s womb I am a targeted individual – (T.I) and also an empowered individual – (E.I). Persecutory and Gangstalking Programs are more or less the same I believe both programs operate from having the same goal which is slow murder of the victim. They want the victims to die eventually. This is psychopathic, satanic, demonic and evil and these antisocial personality disorder people’s karma and the victims’s justice is waiting in the supernatural realm……

  • hlgangel58@outlook.com'
    Carole Levy
    July 23, 2019

    As usual, what an inspiring message and so very spot on. I never realised that I was married to a narcissist or even what a narcissist is until I started to leave. I knew that he was mentally unstable and that he believed the lies he was telling everyone about me. I’ve learned that he was this way his whole life. Not reacting to his abuse and lies would throw him into a rage. I always thought I could help him. I learned that he was really beyond me and I had to save myself. It hurt so much that people I cared about believed his lies. I never felt so alone. I wasn’t sure I would cope, never realising how fearful I had become. A dear friend, who went through a similar situation told me about you, Melanie. I joined NARP. You have given me the tools to recover and lead a happy fulfilling life! When people ask how can I be happy with all that I’ve gone through and am still going through, I say that this is a life lesson. Something I needed to learn and grow from…to be the best me that I can be.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and your recovery! Your messages speak to my heart each and every time.
    Bless you, dear lady xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 23, 2019

      Hi Carole,

      I’m so thrilled you are deeply healing on the inside with NARP.

      I adore your wisdom, truth and joy that is emerging from within.

      You are eternally welcome Carole and please know how grateful I am for your light.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • alex_zeissig@yahoo.com'
    Alex
    July 23, 2019

    I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!

    Thank you so much for this amazing explanation of the purpose why I am in a situation where I will likely be subjected to smearing and/or have already been smeared behind my back by my N wife. I now realize I unconsciously put myself in a situation where my persecution programs will be triggered so I can evolve and grow spiritually.

    Most of my life I have avoided being involved in groups and at the first sign of any rejection I would simply leave the group. Or I would alienate them first through my own behavior.

    I mistakenly believed with my current N wife that here was someone who finally accepted me and would not reject or humiliate me. That as long as I had her in my life and stayed within the “safety” of the cocoon of our family I would be OK. But lo and behold the one person in my life I thought was safe turns out to the most expert at triggering my persecution programs.

    I sometimes feel like I have woken up to find myself in a horror movie. And would like to go back to sleep again so I can feel that sense of comfort and safety.

    But I will not allow myself to be put back into zombie mode this time no matter what the cost!

  • nataliegraerts@gmail.com'
    N
    July 24, 2019

    Hi melanie,

    i think something went wrong with my post…again: i saw that you did not replied to my answer above. I read it again and it’s a constructive message. I’m in the middle of the big smear campaign where the narc is contacting everyone. every attempt I’m doing to find a job is smeared, blocked…I’m working hard via NARP as you can see above…Could you please help me with my question: Should I go for the job I described or is it cutting everything concerning the narc and finding another thing to do? Thank you Melanie for your auticenty.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 24, 2019

      Hi N,

      I am so sorry that I missed your comment!

      Of course I’d love to help you …

      That is great that you had this shift and that you felt stronger within yourself.

      Okay … N the greatest thing that intuitively is coming to me is this – dependency on the N financially … what is the ‘cost’ of cutting all ties and breaking free? The reason I am asking is because this is how the all-inclusive Universe works: ‘whatever you are tolerating will be what continues in your experience’.

      The hugest lesson in N abuse – is to honour our soul first and foremost, and value that above all else, and in my opinion the second biggest evolution lesson, is to be willing to lose it all to get it all. How I feel when I read your question is the N abuse is continuing in the workplace because your soul lesson is to leave it and walk away from it in your life – period.

      I know its tough and so scary to do, however, I have seen in my own experience as well as countless others, that when we left – no matter what that meant and where to … and truly said ‘no more dependency to you’ that is when our lives took off in spectacular abuse free ways.

      Can you leave him, and pursue other work away from him and what he represents. A clean, clear completely new start … even if it means leaving behind security and what is familiar?

      Also N, please know there is so much insight, coaching and help we can grant you all as a part of your NARP membership in the NARP Member’s Forum, to really help you break through the old patterns into your true freedom, abundance and expansion FREE from abuse and limitations forever – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I can’t suggest this resource enough for you for us all as a collective to dive into your situation and help you deeply with it.

      Sending love and strength to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • nataliegeraerts@gmail.com'
        N
        July 25, 2019

        thank you Melanie. I live alone and receive alimony (I became so sick during the marriage) i couldn’t work anymore. I was building up by finding work so that I would be able to cut that tie but now I’m smeared at the workplace and like you say yes i need to have no contact with the N and leave the place. No alimony means a lot of problems.
        I went far away after the divorce but also there i encountered abuse when I wanted to take a step to work…But it’s for the first time no that i really see the N for who he is….Yes I can find a work further away but when I’m doing my profession I will always meet people who know him??
        Yes, maybe it can be an idea to bring it to the forum when I would like to go in more detail about what are other options…
        I guess there are a lot of people who still meet each other after the divorce but having the same profession really makes it complicate it feels…?
        But I had enough from him i can feel that…hopefully my unconscious is going to reflect this if it is genuine 🙂
        thank you!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 25, 2019

          Hi N,

          Thank you for your reply.

          I really think it would serve you to work on this, with us, in the NARP forum.

          Your freedom and personal power and working on healing any blocks to that is key here …

          The solutions will be there.

          Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • kiggy8@gmail.com'
    Allison
    July 24, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    I am a single mother of 7 year old darling twins with a psychopath/narc. Extremely abusive, I am in absolute financial ruin now and have full custody of my kids, but am so exhausted from trauma and raising kids alone I feel like I am going to die. Their dad sees them once a week and smears me with his mother’s help. My poor children look so bewildered when they come home. I am having a hard time focusing while I try to release traumas. I get distracted and blocked by not seeing the white light or I cannot clear the remaining trauma(don’t understand how) also I have no idea how to gauge what number my trauma is at after clearing. Feels like a guessing game most of the time. I have been working with NARP since April 2019 and do 6-10 shifters daily. I really need help! Please explain how I can release these persecution traumas specifically. I am so tired. 🙁 I would love to do a session on Skype but won’t be able to afford it.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 24, 2019

      Hi Allison,

      Allison please come into the NARP members forum where we can deeply meet you and support you.

      Miracle breakthroughs happen there every day http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member and it’s all an unlimited lifetime free resource with your NARP package.

      We will help you breakthrough, you dont have to do this alone.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • seashells57@hotmail.com'
    Sandrina
    July 24, 2019

    Hi all,

    I am now through this period and anchored firmly in a new life and solid sense of self. I have Melanie’s program to thank for that. Not only for the healing but also for the NARP community that modelled love, compassion and empathy through their support and guidance. For anyone who is lost I cannot recommend this program more highly. The changes you will experience are incredible.

    On smearing, I later became aware that a narcissist is such a skilled manipulator that he knew how to ramp up anyone he came in contact with to produce a very overt smear campaign. He could tell what would trigger them to channel their own issues onto me. Sort of a vigilante group. What I experienced was projections of the dark side of each person co-opted to do his work. I could see him off to the side chuckling as they did “their good and noble work in attack mode.” The police finally caught him out. All those co-opted in his smear campaign were in their own way victims and will have to deal with the consequences (to themselves) of their behaviours.

    Love and support to everyone in their healing. Know there are many who are now thriving having come through this and will lend their support in the NARP forum.

    Love
    Sandra

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 24, 2019

      Hi Sandra,

      I am so thrilled for you that you have felt met and served by NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and the wonderful NARP members community http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      We are incredibly blessed to experience and partner miracle breakthroughs every day there.

      So great you help your power and truth within the smear campaigns and have flourished regardless.

      Much love to you Sandra and thank you for encouraging others.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 25, 2019

    My Wicked Stepdaughter who is a cerebral covert malignant NARCISSIST and who is 14 years older than me – her hidden agenda was for her covert abuse on me to do divide and conquer on me, my husband and on mine and my husband’s relationship and marriage and to play me and him off against each other because she knew I would go rushing to him and to tell him how she was treating me and she would see if he was going to believe me and go against her or if he was going to not believe me and side with her (which was her testing his loyalty to her). He didn’t believe me and so we had arguments, disagreements, rows, fights, discord over her (which I reckon she wanted to happen) and that then led to relationship and marriage breakdown and separation between me and him (which is also what she wanted too), then she helped him divorce me in other words she manipulated him into divorcing me (another thing she desperately wanted to happen), she wanted to see if he would divorce me and to see if he would see it through to the end to completion (another way which was her testing his loyalty to her) she attempted to come between me and him, for her to tear him away from me and for her to have him all to herself…….. she had won these battles but not won the war…….. it took only one phonecall from me one night which got him to tell his solicitor that he still loved me very, very much, that he was still passionately in love with me, that he missed me terribly and that he wanted to give our relationship and marriage another go and so him and his solicitor cancelled and stopped the divorce proceedings and he never signed his copy of the divorce papers and I never received my copy of the divorce papers. She wanted me and him divorced and she wanted me out of his life that’s what her end goal of her hidden agenda was well, she was defeated and she lost! because I won the war against her!! Me and him never got divorced, we’re still legally and lawfully married, we’re husband and wife and we’re living together with each other as husband and wife in our own marital home in our flat and we are a happily married couple. This proves he is loyal to me but he’s not loyal to her, he is absolutely loyal to me. He chose me over her, it’s sort of like an ultimatum. I really don’t care if she doesn’t want me and him to be in each other’s lives – at the end of the day her opinions, viewpoints, thoughts, hidden agendas, etc…, will always be brought down to nothing because me and him will always be legally and lawfully married to each other as husband and wife and we will always be a happily married couple and we will always live together with each other as husband and wife in our own marital home in our own flat all for all of eternity. Nothing and no-one can tear us apart. I feel smug in typing this as I imagine I am in some way really rubbing her face in it in a smug way. She probably feels that me and him being married to each other, living together with each other and being in each other’s lives and me and him loving and caring about each other is in a way somehow a spiteful and inconsiderate thing and that I’m being spiteful and inconsiderate to her. Mine and his marriage, relationship, marital life, private and personal business and affairs, our daily living, our finances, our wellbeing and our welfare, my life, his life, our life, etc…, has got absolutely nothing to do with her and it’s none of her business. Melanie how do I stop her from meddling, interfering, intervening and her fishing for information about us from other people in mine and his inner circles and how do I stop her from getting in contact with mine and his inner circles and how do I stop mine and his inner circles from getting in contact with her?.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 25, 2019

      Hi Chrissy,

      The real truth is we can’t stop people doing anything, but if we heal the parts of our emotional self that get triggered off …. then it has no power over us

      That is when it can and does leave our experience, as myself and countless people in this community have discovered.

      Pushing back and trying to defeat this only energises it and makes it worse.

      I promise you …

      Chrissy have you considered healing this with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
        Christine
        July 30, 2019

        Hi Mel there are 2 people in this relationship and marriage and they are me and my husband not 3 people not a third person not a third party which means that mine and my husband’s marriage, relationship, marital life, my life, his life, mine and his personal and private business and affairs have got absolutely nothing to do with my older cerebral covert malignant Narcissist stepdaughter and she should not be meddling, interfering and she should not be going out of her way to contact and insidiously infiltrate people from mine and my husband’s inner circles as I’m not contacting or infiltrating any people of her inner circle. Her contacting and insidiously infiltrating mine and my husband’s inner circles and me not contacting or infiltrating her inner circle is DOUBLE STANDARDS which is full of UNFAIRNESS and I’m against double standards and unfairness. Years ago I asked her about people in her inner circle and she got angry saying “you have got absolutely nothing to do with them” so she doesn’t want me contacting them. I told the people who are in mine and my husband’s inner circles who my Narc stepdaughter had contacted that if she were to start asking them personal and/or private questions about me and/or my husband then for them to never to answer her questions to her and for them to never to give mine and/or his personal and private information and strictly confidential information about me and my husband to her. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with her and it’s none of her business!!!. How do I stop unfair double standards?. How do I stop her in her tracks once and for all so that these unfair double standards don’t keep happening over and over and over again and that these double standards are stopped as well too?.

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 25, 2019

    Also all mine and my husband’s relationship and marriage problems, our marital life problems that all happened in the past and my husband’s serious, life-threatening physical frail, infirm, ill health right now is all of my stepdaughter’s fault, the blame for all of this is on her, she is the cause of all of this because me and him had disagreements, discord, rows, fights, marital breakdown and separation over her because he didn’t believe me when I told him that she abused me in a covert, secret and hidden way when he was not physically around and when no-one else was around and that I had no eye or ear witnesses to prove that she was abusing me. I told him the truth that she was abusing me but he didn’t believe me then after that, he tried to make out that it was my fault that she treated me the way she did, me and her accused each other of being extremely jealous of each other right in front of him and then he said that I was extremely jealous of her and that she wasn’t jealous of me at all and then I said that I wasn’t jealous of her at all and she said that she wasn’t jealous of me at all and now it is that now he does know and believe me when I say that she has covertly abused me and he knows that it wasn’t my fault that she abused me and he knows that it was her fault that she abused me and I’m still working on getting him to believe me when I say that I’ve never been jealous of, I’m not jealous of and that I’ll never be jealous of her and that she has always been extremely jealous of, she is extremely jealous of and that she’ll always be extremely jealous of me. I’m a truthful and honest person and I always tell the truth. She’s the cause of all of the problems, etc…, in the past and the cause of my husband’s poor physical health and physical mobility problems right here now in the present, it’s all her fault, the blame is all on her. The stress, etc…, of all of the rows, fighting, marital breakdown/marital separation, etc…, that we had over her took its toll on his physical health and I think on his emotional and mental health too probably and I’m holding her accountable for all of it, for everything!!!. He is ill because of her, this happened and that happened because of her. Covert abuse fighting and rowing marital breakdown/separation, other marriage and relationship problems stress – related physical ill health and physical mobility problems by proxy (is that the correct way of saying by proxy in that context of the words by proxy?) ?.

  • christinerussett175@gmail.com'
    Chrissy - Christine
    July 25, 2019

    My stepdaughter has got to realize and accept that the love that a husband and a wife (him and I) has for each other is far much more special than the love that a father and a daughter (him and her) has for each other because he chose to love me when he could have chosen not to love me whereas he has to love her whether he wants to or not. Wives come No.1 top first priority for/to married men – (their husbands) who have children from other women from the past from their pasts. Husbands come second and stepchildren and children come either third or last and my stepdaughter has got to realize and accept all of this even if she does realize and accept or if she doesn’t realize or accept then she might implode and become a collapsed NARCISSIST anyway. Her hidden agenda which was to get my husband to divorce me and to get me out of her father’s life failed and she’s probably suffered from Narcissistic Injury for all of that time and probably everyday too and she’s probably flying into Narcissistic Rage for all of that time too and probably even now too I wonder when she will implode and become a collapsed Narcissist.

  • pietere7@gmail.com'
    Pieter
    July 27, 2019

    That is true about a narcissist by smearing your name by others. My spouse smeared my name to my family and they believed her. Melanie thanks for your program that help me and so many others. I am at the stage to walk away when there are negative talk and downgrading talk.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 28, 2019

      You are very welcome Pieter,

      I am so pleased you have healed so much with NARP and detached.

      Power to you!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

  • Performancepluspainting@gmail.com'
    Jose de Santiao
    August 1, 2019

    Jose,
    I am going to find, release and live free of my Persecution programs NOW!

  • alicerose@orcon.net.nz'
    Alice Rose
    August 8, 2019

    Hi Melanie
    Thank you for your generous loving and wise words. Especially hearing that your son sided with the narcissist. I know how much that hurts as my son has done the same. But most people seem to have experience of narcissists in their personal relationships of ‘choice’, very little is ever said about dealing with narcissist family members. They are almost harder to deal with as they claim ‘entitlement’ to access your kids, then use that to bad-mouth you. One of my sisters tried to put me in a home for the ‘mentally-challenged’ over 35 years ago, and the other sister has recently accused me of being psychotic and deranged, so it never ends! They keep it to whip out whenever they want to disparage me, including sinister hints that I’m violent and that my kids are not safe with me. I do get angry, but feel very provoked! Holding it in leads to nightmares and severe gut problems. And as they are ‘not speaking’ to me for years now, I can’t resolve anything with them.

    I have moved countries to get away, also from the ‘mad’ label stigma, but now they are going after my teenagers. Any advice is gratefully accepted.

    Thanks, Alice

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 8, 2019

      Hi Alice,

      Please know Dear lady that there are many people in this community healing, breaking free and transcending beyond family narcissistic abuse.

      The healing path truly is is identical and profoundly works.

      My Healing System NARP is the way to fully achieve this: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I cant recommend it for your situation enough

      Sending love, healing and breakthrough to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • Nory.miranda05@gmail.com'
    Nory
    August 10, 2019

    My boyfriend is narcissist.. I have no idea when we first met.. No idea what’s narcissist, til i read all the blogs and signs about narcissist then i realized he is narcissist person. Thought its just natural for him to blew up. To avoid all the conflicts and arguments and to stop him for being ballistic madness. I followed what all he wants and let him to controlled everything. Now im stuckd up. And he abused me verbally and physically. What should I do?

  • bahbahla@gmail.com'
    Beth
    August 12, 2019

    ‘I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

  • haydnrobin1958@gmail.com'
    haydn robin
    August 28, 2019

    “Narcissists will always deliver to you the exact wounds that you need to heal” —this is the on thing that I never considered – I never saw it, I have been reading for years and never knew this – the narcissist does not have to heal-fix-change-learn-thrive or survive, it is I who must, once I survive their superb role playing and regain my power over me!
    And yes- I know exactly how and why the narcissist has to wound, so when they come around with their gaslighting-mirroring-projecting and tears complete with dribbling – snot flowing out their nose wailing and gnashing their teeth- I can have a really big hysterical uncontrable nonstop laugh.

  • magssimonsen@gmail.com'
    MP
    September 30, 2019

    My question – how does this extend to being smeared to the new supply when she has previously had a very mature relationship with me – when is it necessary to reach out to clarify things with a supply with whom I’ve already connected with respectfully?

    She suddenly cut me off after he exposed himself to her with his behavior in reaction to me at our son’s birthday party – blaming me for everything, and possibly even telling her it is her fault for being cordial with me. In short, he behaved badly and left her scurring after him as he stormed out after exploding in front of everyone (reopening ours son’s trauma wounds in the process).

    Even as she could plainly see it wasn’t me creating the conflict, and even as I hugged her goodbye as she left after him. I felt great empathy for her, as I know what it is like going on a 6+ hour long car drive with him when he is on a tirade.

    This is after 10 months of no communication issues (they live in a different state). Our son has seen his Dad twice in that time – including when things went south, during the second visit. The divorce was final, his dad moved to his new supply’s and never came back (until the birthday). I brought our son to him once in the interim.

    I suspect he has forbidden her to communicate, but I cannot even reach her through back channels. I tried reaching out to thank her for all she did for my son at his birthday party, but there was no response.

    At what point do I let go of being smeared to her – someone who I know is simply a version of me in the past?

    He did all of this with me 20 years ago, in regards to his first wife (of 12 years).

    The difference is that we were all young then (early 30s) and less mature – and his first wife refused to treat me as anyone but the enemy. I tried to be friendly with her, but she attacked me – so I believed him and everything he told me about her (which of course, was untrue).

    That has not happened here. I have not attacked the supply. I went out of my way to be accommodating of her. I welcomed them both into my home.

    I even had the chance to enlighten her as she unknowingly revealed things that to me were red flags, but I maintained a respectful boundary.

    The new supply and I are in our 50s. I see clearly what needs to happen for the sake of my son is for the adults to get along and avoid conflict. The new supply has been respectful of me (mature) in our communications all along.

    Suddenly, the line has gone dead, so to speak. I suspect my ex has blamed his behavior on me or else blamed her for getting close to me (not that we are close, just cordial and respectful).

    Do I just let go and leave it alone as far as she goes?

    • magssimonsen@gmail.com'
      MP
      September 30, 2019

      To clarify – a typo – divorce was final, should have read, after the divorce was final he moved

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 30, 2019

      Hi KKWL,

      please understand Dear One – I need you to be in the NARP Forum for help with this – that is where the deep coaching and inner work goes on – by myself or the Moderators, who have time, at the time, (in such a massive community) to support you, dissect this and help you through this.

      That is all a part of your NARP Gomd Membership Assistance http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member That is not the purpose of the public blog here.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 30, 2019

      Hi MP,

      yes let go, send blessings her way and just know in your heart that the truth does unfold beautifully, when we dont feed the lies.

      All will be well, if you know that.

      Trying to convince her otherwise will usually backfire really badly when N-smearing is involved.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

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