Melanie Tonia Evans

What To Do When The Narcissist Infiltrates Your Dreams

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 1
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


One of the most disturbing things about narcissistic abuse is that it often comes after you, even as you sleep.

Just when you think you can get some relief from the aching torment of your waking life, the trauma insidiously finds its way into your dreams.

Giving you nightmares.

And they are horrible ones … filled with big emotional content, charges and trauma.

What do they mean?

In this episode I want to share with you what they mean, as well as how to heal yourself to a level where you simply will not experience these awful narcissistic dreams anymore.

And this is important, because we may not have realised that the power of our dreams (including our nightmares) is working FOR us.

What I mean by this is …  they are helping release us to our newest, most healed version of ourselves …

Because our nightmares are showing us what we haven’t as yet processed through to completion in our waking life – traumas that our subconscious is desperately trying to get our attention about.

So that we can meet them, let go, heal and move on to our True Life.

And in this episode I help you understand, with a little exercise, how you can start to do that.

It is my deepest wish that you find the key, as I and many Thrivers have, to unlock your healing and never have to experience a narcissistic nightmare every again.


I really do believe that if I hadn’t located and healed the trauma that was underneath my devastating nightmares that I could not have survived them.

Now, and for such a long time, I enjoy wonderful dreams and wellbeing in my sleeping and waking life … and it is my greatest wish that you do too.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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27 Thoughts on What To Do When The Narcissist Infiltrates Your Dreams
    July 30, 2017

    Hello. I keep having a recurring nightmare of running through a dark forest holding the hand of a small child. Someone is pursuing me and i feel sheer terror.
    I feel we are running for our lives.

    I grew up with a cruel, controlling father but a wonderful, loving mother. I do not have many memories of my childhood.
    Is it possible that I am still tramautatised by my father despite the fact I am in my 50’s and live in another country ?
    What might help?

    Thank you for your insights and blessings, Sabrina

    July 30, 2017

    Hi, My dreams are always ones where I’m back in ‘my’ house (he now lives in there with the woman he had an affair with). The relationship was for 16 years and I’ve been out for 1 year and 8 months. He does still ‘quietly’ stalks which doesn’t help with my healing. I have had the police involved and for about 3 weeks I felt freer then 2 days ago he popped up again and then the dreams start up again.

    In the dream/nightmares I’m packing and he is either laughing at me or trying to have the last moments of sex or rubbing my nose in the fact hes with this woman. As I walk/run though the house… I feel the strong feelings of rejection in my gut/solar plexus sometimes running to my chest… Then when I wake up this feeling is so strong, feelings of anxiety and panic. Sometimes I have woken up crying. The feelings are so real and that is how I remember feeling being in the relationship – living in fear of his next mood, abandoning me, giving me the silent treatment etc. As I’m typing I can feel the strong tight feelings in my chest and its hard to breath…

    I do miss my house, cat, step-daughter, and the luxuries that I had with my ex. I struggle now but I know deep down I’m am free… The dreams are awful and very emotionally provoking.

    I love your work Melanie, I listen to your radio shows, read your work and watch your videos… I find your voice very calming too, lots of love xoxoxox

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2017

      Hi Debbie,

      The dreams are very similar to the ones I had – and YES they are SO real when they happen! Eerily so …

      Debbie have you considered taking the healing work deeper to get free from this?

      I’d love you to come into my free workshop where you get to experience Quanta Freedom Healing personally .. and how you CAN powerfully detox the trauma of him and the nightmares from your being – so that it just isn’t there any more.

      You can experience this here:

      I am so glad I have been able to help and comfort you Debbie – and I am keen to help you know there is a whole other level of healing available to you – where you are no longer just “managing” wounds, but where you can live truly free of them.

      Because that is what Thriving really is!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    July 30, 2017

    Your video came at just the perfect time. Last night I had a horrible dream of a sexual nature about my narcissistic husband. I woke up feeling so miserable. I checked my email and watched your video. Thank you!! I am a narp member, but I seem to have trouble shifting. Any suggestions?
    Thank you so much for all you do. You are a lifesaver!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 31, 2017

      Hi Erma,

      I am so glad this was timely for you!

      Erma do you mean shifting in general? Or shifting the nightmares?

      Please also know that the NARP Forum is an invaluable place to get coaching and assistance with your NARP healing work in every capacity

      Mel xo

    July 31, 2017

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you for answering all the comments.

    I don’t know whether you have experienced this, or whether it is normal or not, and I know that compared to the stories of the many people here being narcissistically abused by a classmate is not as horrendous as I have made it to be…but the thing is although I rarely have dreams which are related to the narcisist, most of the times I wake up with a suffocating pain in my chest combined with palpitation, and the only thing I can do is to sit around waiting for it to go away in a matter of hours. Nothing else, not even trying to release the pain and replace it with the Source energy works. I honestly don’t know what to do.


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 31, 2017

      Hi Maryam,

      you are so welcome 🙂

      Are you working with Quanta Freedom Healing or another energy modality that has the ability to pick up, load up and release the trauma?

      I truly have never met a trauma that can’t be met and released with QFH. And if that process is blocked, then there is a need to find and release the block to get to it – that’s all.

      Mel xo

        July 31, 2017

        I’ve watched and worked with a couple of your “Shifts Happen” episodes. I guess I have to look for and find the blocks as you said…

    Barb Kurnick
    August 1, 2017

    Thanks Mel! This was so timely for me. My ex-n recently sent me a letter saying he really wanted to talk to me after over a year of no contact. I knew It was a hoovering attempt and I maintained no contact but still kept thinking about it for over a month, wondering what he wanted to talk about and feeling tempted to contact him.

    I knew he would say his marriage is bad and he should have stayed with me etc. (that is what he implied in th letter) and I knew it would be just be an attempt to get supply from me. So I still maintained no contact but then I started dreaming about him every night. Thankfully in my dreams I was trying to get away from him, but yuck, that’s not a pleasant way to start the day!! So I took it to Module one because I knew my sub-conscious mind was working on the issue and it helped!! I learned this from you Mel!! Then I saw your video and felt so glad that there is an option besides falling into the trap of contacting him. I’m going to take this to the goal setting Module as well because I’m still feels my a psychic tug. Thank you Mel. Enjoy your Holiday! Barb in Cincy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 2, 2017

      Hi Barb,

      that is so wonderful you took this to Module 1 and released it!

      I am so happy for you that you are now using the key to rid yourself of these …

      Thank you Barb and I will 🙂

      Mel xo

    August 1, 2017

    I used to get nightmares where I am screaming because no one will listen to me or acknowledge me. I become so frustrated that I scream and then they lock me up in an asylum where I am begging the attendants to listen to my plight and how it is not me that should be locked up. I then become frustrated with the attendants for not listening and scream at them.
    I then wake up feeling very tired and frustrated and realise I am still carrying the need to be heard and acknowledged from my childhood.
    I spend the whole day carrying this horrid emotion with me.
    The family still do not acknowledge or have any idea what they have done to me and take no responsibility and still worship the narc leader my middle sister. I go no contact now and am better for it.

    August 1, 2017

    Mel this is a timely and gorgeous post. I have been travelling for a few days with my daughter sorting things out for her wedding and all sorts of the usual narcissistic pattern of behaviour has popped up with her father. She has been a combination of hurt but also annoyed that my predictions of his behaviour have been spot on (thank you NARP for clarity!). As these things involved trying to force contact with his bullying partner this has felt threatening to our children who have remained dignified but hurt. Last night I dreamt about such a social situation with conflicting emotions and during my dream I was standing to one side beckoning to my ego as it started getting caught up in the drama, and I was smiling and saying “come on, bring it on, we have got this”.
    My strongest memory of the dream now is one of peace, of being in control and smiling with the experience of being OK, more than OK.
    Without NARP this would not have happened, but after working with the program consistently do that it becomes good daily habit (like cleaning my teeth) I even have a dreaming NARP!
    When you first start NARP it feels overwhelming and as it asks that you embrace your feelings before releasing and healing them it is exhausting. But just like training for a marathon or learning a new language or a musical instrument slowly bit by bit it gets easier and you start to look forward to your practicing and you focus much more on the joy of release and achievement. Then, as I discovered last night, it has become such good practice that you draw upon it whenever you need it, even in your sleep!
    I have always said that this is a life program for healthy emotional living Melanie and I remain absolutely convinced of this, especially as I can now dream in NARP! Yay!!! ???❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 2, 2017

      Hi Jan,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed it!

      How cool that you have a dreaming NARP … I LOVE that 🙂

      Thank you for your gorgeous and inspirational post Jan!!

      You are doing such an amazing job.

      Mel xoxox

    August 3, 2017

    Hi JanW,

    I loved your post and am so happy to hear how your perseverance with NARP has paid off, feeling now like one of those ‘good daily habits’ for living well and living powerfully. Thank you for your authenticity in expressing this process because healing and getting to thriving is really not a cake walk. So, your success inspires me! I started NARP last year, then stopped (from that experience of overwhelm) then started again a few months ago with a vengeance. Your analogies were so perfect since each one requires an innate need for a teacher/mentor/guide along with self determination, focus and and stamina over a bit of time. NARP and Mel and the NARP community give us the former and then the latter is on us. But what a payoff and hope we are gifted with when we work this program!

    Before NARP, I had lived a decade of confusion and resentment – major victimhood, confusion and experiencing my external world crumble completely – utter hopelessness. My internal (unconscious) emotional landscape needed a Medevac airlift and ICU. I could not stop my own hemorrhaging and stabilize myself with my mind anymore. Thanks to NARP I can now start feeling the light that sees peace and success within myself – building from the outside-in energetically. Perseverance + the RIGHT guidance is THE success formula. I continue to persevere – but with confidence 🙂 Thanks Mel for sharing your bounty 🙂 xxooxx

      August 3, 2017

      Ooops, oh geez, meant ‘building from the inside-out’. 😉

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 3, 2017

      Hi Cindy,

      I am so thrilled you re-committed to NARP and are enjoying the rewards.

      You are so welcome Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

    Cindy Ellen Glass
    August 9, 2017

    Dearest Melanie,

    I am having nightmares and am unable to separate the trauma of my Stage 4 cancer diagnosis which was accompanied by discard after 5+ years of life with a NPD/BPD. He is not aware of how sick I became at the time of his abandonment.

    Is there a definitive way to separate the two traumas?


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 9, 2017

      Hi Cindy,

      sending you love and healing.

      The truth is you may not wish to. When we use QFH in the NARP Program to find and purge trauma – including that which has generated dis-ease – we can find it is all deeply connected.

      Your inner being will reveal, unravel and release with the use of Quanta Freedom Healing whatever trauma is necessary to create freedom from trauma and space for healing to enter.

      Does the make sense?

      If you are on NARP I would also love to highly suggest to you being in the Member’s Forum to get support and coaching through your healing journey

      I hope this helps Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

    August 30, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    I have been off and on with my NARP for 12 years. When he gives me the silent treatment for doing something “wrong” or if I try to enforce the No Contact he will always show up in my dreams. I read a few other posts and it sounds like people are having nightmares about their NARP, but I do not. The dream may not even be about the NARP but he will be present in the dream. Or I am having intimate dreams about him that sometimes seems so real after I wake up. Can your dreams about the NARP be positive (so to speak)? I am really glad I found this blog and also your YouTube video about this because I have been wondering why this always happens to me.

    Thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 30, 2017

      Hi Alysa,

      thank you for our post.

      Just to clarify NARP is the acronymn for The Narcisistic Abuse Recovery Program. Narc is what you are saying?

      I really beleive the dreams we may have are always telling us something. If positive, is this the experience you wish to happen, yet in real life isn’t the truth?

      It is our real life that is the determenent.

      Mel xo

    September 5, 2017

    Hi Melanie!

    I’m having the opposite happen where I keep having dreams about the good times. Where he is being really nice and sweet, and it feels GOOD that he’s treating me that way. In reality, he is still treating me horribly. Why is that?

      September 29, 2017

      This is me too:( It’s just as unsettling.

    September 23, 2017

    Dear Melanie,
    I think you are brilliant and i thank you so much for your help and love.
    I get a lot of help from info your about Narc abuse and healing from it, although I have a question:

    If my narc never really did the insults and the belittling and was always only love bombing (6 years) but disappeared on a regular basis due to drug addiction and was always late, always future faked and idealized me, is he a narcissist?
    Does it matter?
    I was destroyed by the experience I had with him in many many ways.
    I did have the crazy dreams of conversational confusion years ago when i was finally deciding it didn’t matter what happened, i couldn’t listen to the excuses and long explanations anymore about the no shows, the confusion, the lies, the cancellations, the relapses, the lack of detail regarding where he was and what he was doing, unless i asked.
    I lived in REAL terror that he would die, all the while feeling frantically abandoned and enraged.
    We would reconnect thousands of times, then it would happen again. I would be supportive, he would get serious help and then disappear again.
    For the first few years i didnt know about the drug addiction.
    I was completely in love w this beautiful man who had a horrific childhood etc.
    But then years later i started to notice something else was going on, it seemed he wanted to see my tears, my confusion, my emotions, like THAT was a drug as well…But he didnt do the verbal abuse and belittling, at all. (THAT IS What MY Father always did ) But this man was always sweet in his words, yet he drove me insane because the same conversations/arguments/lies over and over.
    Most people would say that is the drug addict, but i felt something else going on.
    He is very good looking and extremely likable.
    He always needed other peoples attention, even just for a minute. Even if I was in serious conversation with him.
    If we were alone, it was fine, but often, not always, he would have to chat up the waitress or waiter or whatever even if i was crying. That was enraging. Maybe he was high.
    Another thing was he always showed up in clothes and accessories that were different. ( like a chameleon) I never understood where he got the clothes etc. He always said his brother but I didnt believe him. Im finally strong enough to see that he lived a double life and despite all the time we shared and all the promises made, nothing changed. ( He still texts me the same promises, but i never respond) It was very sad, in many ways. He says its all because of the drugs and there was no other women or secrets. That could be true, but even still, it was no way to live. Thanks for listening. Its the private confusion and guilt i still deal with because he still professes love, and Ii totally loved him, so its a case of needing to be extremely strong, and im doing it. Plus the fact i do not trust him at all, and I believe he is the type to have a harem. But he says he is with no one, still. I believe he has several disorders.

    Empath G
    October 23, 2017

    Yes, dreams i had in the aftermath of N relationship were really emotionaly charged everytime. Id like to share my last dream since it was a gift and a big trigger for me to start NARP. The dream was of closure when i told my ex Sociopathic Narc girlfriend everything. In the dream she was in the company of her best girlfriend who she used for triangulation purposes and her main flying monkey. (They had a secret lesbian relationship i wasnt aware of). So in this dream i had so much illusive closure that we all craved for after sudden discard that was truly shocking expirience for me. I told her that i know who and what she was, how she manipulated, lied, gaslighted etc…In one moment i told her to remove the Mask ( what a divine gift this dream was), so she did. Beneath was her puppet like face with tiny mirrors instead of eyeballs. I looked straight into them and told her “see, you dont even exist, theres no soul behind your eyes”. She was pissed ( i was so confident and happy in my dream when confronted her for everything) and her and her girfriend left the apartment in shock of how i knew everything. Went down on elevator. In the dream she left all the lights in the apartment and in the kitchen. I turned it all off when i found a hidden switch. Also, she left kitchen gas stove fired up wich i also turned off. Next day when i woke up I was determined to start NARP because i felt it is doable for me to finally heal. So im doing module 1 and dreams vanished ( at least for now). Thank you for reading and God bless.

    November 8, 2017

    17 months out from my short marriage with my Covert N . And still seeing her in my dreams, VERY emotional dreams where I am still trying to reason with her and trying to kick some sense and empathy inton her !!

    How to flush her off my system !? I feel like I am stuck in an emotional and thoughts loop !!

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