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I know you may be FRUSTRATED! Recovery can be like that.

You may be thinking…

WHY on earth do I still have narcissists coming into my life?

Why can’t I stop breaking No Contact?

WHY do the same issues keep popping up in my life, no matter how hard I try to overcome them?

Today’s Thriver TV Episode is about peeling all of this back so that you can learn EXACTLY why these things are still happening to you and how to end these pesky and painful, repeat something in your life – once and for ALL!

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you frustrated with β€˜Why Is This Still Happening to Me’?

Things like the narcissist not leaving you alone, the court cases still happening, or continually breaking No Contact.

Or maybe you are clear of that particular narcissist, but others keep cropping up in your experience.

Today’s Thriver TV is about ANY pesky thing in repeat that you want to be done with. Today I will explain exactly why this keeps happening to you and how to break the pattern of repeating everything in your life that you don’t want to.

Okay, before we get started, thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. If you like this video, please hit the like button.

Now, on to the episode!

 

You’ve Missed Something

Today’s episode is Quantum. It’s about radical personal responsibility – understanding that we are the generative source of our experience.

If we stay unconscious and refuse to understand or accept this, then we are powerless to change the painful patterns and occurrences for us.

A lady I know is going through another disastrous breakup with a highly narcissistic man. With the last one, she said, β€˜I didn’t deserve this! I have no idea why this should happen to me. I didn’t ask for it!’ Now she is saying exactly the same things.

A friend of mine, who also knows this lady, agrees that another narcissist will likely be her reality.

It’s not that we wish this for her – quite the contrary. It’s not that she isn’t a nice person because she certainly is.

We think this will happen because she has within her Inner Being a heap of unhealed traumas. Traumas from her childhood and beyond that she has continually run from kept busy to avoid getting overall β€˜too easily’, and because she drinks and socialises to ease her inner pain.

The bottom line is – she’s never dealt with her unhealed traumas.

True to Quantum Law – so within, so without – the unmet, unhealed traumas within her subconscious keep meeting her through abusers in real life.

This is NOT her fault – that’s definitely not what we are saying – it just is what it is. She’s right – she didn’t consciously ask for this life or choose it, but her subconscious, unhealed trauma programs repeatedly select the same experiences.

I remember feeling overwhelmed with grief and victimhood when I was smack bang in the absolute trauma of narcissist number two, facing the fact that he was a narcissist. In my initial helplessness, I was consumed with the thought, β€˜How on earth did this happen to me again?’

My son’s wisdom pulled me out of unconsciousness and back onto my soul mission of evolving myself. Zac told me, β€˜You’ve missed something that you need to heal, Mum, and when you find it and do this, you are going to be bigger and better than you ever have been and even more able to help people heal from abuse.’

He was right. I found and released myself from deep abandonment terrors that I had missed and survival fears of being unable to survive independently.

You may ask, β€˜How did you find and heal them?’ The answer is… The same way we all can – go inwards to β€˜what hurts emotionally RIGHT now’ and use NARP as the Quantum Tool to find and release those traumas.

That truly is what we can do to resolve these things. To realise the truth as Buddha described it: β€˜If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world.’

If we STILL have things happening repeatedly that hurt, we miss the message.

We have missed something INSIDE.

Analysis Paralysis

I’m so fortunate that I get to sing the same song to you day in and day out – because it helps me remember it too.

It’s this: β€˜If anything in your life isn’t working, then just go inside, find and release the corresponding trauma and you and your life will get well.’

Our logical brain does not want to accept this. It thinks it can’t be that easy.

Imagine if every blog I wrote had that above solution, and then I wrote β€˜The end’.

Your replies would have been: β€˜but…’ β€˜but….’

As the former self-proclaimed β€˜President of Over-analysis Anonymous’, I understand. I STRUGGLED WITH THIS CONCEPT until I went to Quantum and lived this way with complete dedication.

Please let me know if you relate to overthinking in the comments below. What would your title be in the Over-Analysis Anonymous Club? I’m President, who are YOU?

When we have things haunt and plague us that continue to belt us up, it is incredibly frustrating. More than this, we also may have hopelessness and helplessness attached. We may think we are doomed, that this will never stop, and that we are possibly defective and incapable.

I promise you all of these things are NOT true. It is your mind grabbing hold of the painful subconscious programs and making stories that align with them.

Things like the lady I spoke of previously, whose internal program is: β€˜I am unlovable and unworthy, and the people I love hurt me.’ She keeps busy and socialising to stop this story from continually playing in her head. People may think this approach is a healthy option, but subconscious programs will never change until we meet them lovingly and heal them. Until then, they simply continue to do what subconscious programs do – create the program’s validity in life to the letter.

But let’s say we are NOT in denial, but neither are we directly addressing the trauma within with a simple and powerful shifting tool like Quanta Freedom Healing. We may get stuck in the β€˜analysis paralysis’ of trying to sort things out by looking outwards instead of inwards.

You may spend hours researching, trying to work out β€˜them’ – these people and situations with which you are doing repeat dances. You may blame specific people, or genders or β€˜types’, and try to work out how to avoid them or change them. And you are always doing this instead of addressing your internal subconscious, heat-seeking missile programs.

The problem is our logical mind wants to understand everything. It wants to chew it over, toss it around and then come up with an answer.

When we Go Quantum, we simply shift dense energy in our body, without even needing to know anything about WHAT it is, and then effortlessly become what we seek to live.

The shifts within us go WAY beyond what our logical mind could have grasped, let alone assimilated.

There is a vast difference between β€˜thinking’ something and β€˜embodying it and being it’. The irony with Going Quantum is that it is infinitely more powerful than what our logical mind can produce – and a thousand times simpler to create.

 

The Steps to Overcoming Your Critical Road Blocks

Step 1:Β Stop Looking to the Outside

When we Go Quantum, we know β€˜there is no outside’ – meaning that everything and everyone in our experience responds to our belief systems and how we are showing up in life. It is fruitless trying to change the 7.7 billion people in the world rather than work with the one person we do have power over – ourselves.

Step 2: Go Inside and Do the Work There

When you live this way of life, whenever anything triggers you, is problematic, or is a blind spot, you can ask yourself: β€˜What is it within me that I can shift that is calling this forth into my experience?’

Please know this does not discount other people’s bad behaviour or inappropriate natures, when applicable. But by shifting you, you will completely change how you deal with them.

People like this are in the world and part of life, but when you shift, you can show up assertively, trusting your inner truth and creating boundaries, and you can say, β€˜No.’ Hence the repeat experiences of handing your power away to people who aren’t honourable will completely leave your experience.

Do you see how none of this is to do with assigning blame to ourselves and instead is about taking back our power?

Step 3: Leave Behind Victimisation and Dismay

This planet isn’t it if we want a comfortable, feathered nest. Here we need to man and woman up and be in our authentic power to have a healthy, happy life. We are here to transcend our fear and victimhood and be enlightened.

Narcissistic abuse and all the traumas we need to face and release to get vertical, breathing and functioning and THEN move towards Thriving keep calling us forward into a conscious lifestyle of necessity. We are challenged like this to continually release the darkness from within and bring in more of the Light – our True Self and True Life.

It may seem like hard work, but as far as I am concerned, and I’ve lived both lives, there is far more work and time involved in staying unconscious, trying to live and survive with our wounds.

We can get stuck in the blame, shame, dismay, and frustration of having the same wounds come up repeatedly – I’ve had it happen too. But truly, there is nothing else to do other than to ask, β€˜What have I missed?’ and dive inside to find and shift it out.

Sometimes we will snap the core of the trauma off immediately; sometimes, it may take multiple goes. But the great news is that we have the Quantum Tools to help us clear and live free with new, healthy patterns.

Okay, so I hope this has given you hope, clarity and power, no matter where you are on your journey.

Those of you who are NARPers and feel stuck and struggling with something in repeat, please come into the NARP Forum so that I and the best minds in narcissistic abuse recovery can help guide you to find β€˜what you have missed’.

Those of you who are not NARPers, I would love you to check out NARP to learn more about this extraordinary Quantum Way of Life, which means living an abuse-free life – your True Life as your True Self.

To join me, please click this link.

If you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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67 thoughts on “Why Is This Still Happening To Me? Overcoming Your Critical Recovery Blocks

  1. Hi. Keep dear on you remind me that the first revelation to go inward you covered helped me to go,in and srangely relax. I I dropped my shoulders. Now I can wear dangling earrings again and I found my ability to breathe not just Try to remember to r mind myself to breathe.

    As you can imagine this has made big changes in my ability to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune – thanks to Shakespeare’s words – rather than clenche and muddle through.

    Thank you πŸ™πŸΏ for us all

  2. Yes, I have always said ‘I live 12 miles out.’ Fully over thinking, as a self protection. To repair and work it all out. To attempt understanding of a train wreck, who only took, and destroyed me. Although, the narc did what he did.. an I am trying to recover. But, as I am going to do so, determined. All other life issues have to be dealt with. Certainly not just about the Narc, nor only me. Have other family members, in health crisis. I will be there for them. TY, Melanie and Team. I catch up as I can ❣

    1. I keel going inside and, yes, I’m missing something. My daughter is now developing narcissistic tendencies and I’ve been calling her on it. It may be working. She’s in the clutches of her father who is a top grade narcissist. My narcissistic mother gets involved and I feel completely trampled. If I could just change my perspective and approach I know things would shift. Not sure how to climb out of the hole.

  3. Oh Melanie,
    Okay I will respect your position as President of Over Thinkers Anonymous. I feel as though I could give a go at the Presidency as well. My brother once told me to go ahead and park in any handicapped spot in the parking lot as ..to quote him”you think so much you handicap yourself” ! He then proceeded to give me a big sign that said “Don’t even THINK of parking here”. I must say a bit of humor can help us on our journey and be a tool to help get us to be vulnerable enough to see the truth in us! I like your statement that we can’t possibly change all 7.7 billion people on this earth. Hilarious. I myself have tried on about 1.7 people million to date. Also, if we want a comfortable feathered nest to live in, this planet isn’t it! I laughed out loud. You have such a great talent with putting all of these complex ideas and heaps of confusing feelings into common sense. Thank goodness this planet has you if we can’t have our feathered nest.
    Much love to you and thankfulness for your tireless work….and your intermittent use of humor to deliver a point blank message when needed.
    Cassie Dey (Cathy Magee)

    1. Hi Cathy

      I’m happy to share the Presidency with you!

      Haha your brother is very funny …

      Thank you Cassie for your kind words … and I Iove that you are laughing.

      There are soooo many things about our human existence that truly is hilarious!

      So much love to you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

    2. Cathy Magee your comment has me in tears. Your humor made me laugh and brought a bit of calming to my overthinking mind today.

  4. Thank you for this episode Mel.

    My life is in repeat. Recently, I have become aware that as I date, I am only attracting narcissistic or highly self-centred or emotionally unavailable men. This has a positive effect (even though I am re-traumatising myself): I have been able to do intensive NARP work because I am in pain. The work feels very effective. When the pain is not triggered and screaming at me for attention, I struggle to feel it at all during modules. Indeed, nothing seems to happen at all. Is there a way I can learn to access repressed feelings that I have actively chosen to suppress when I was little and humiliated or abused that avoids the necessity of having a triggering bad relationship?

    1. Hi Hilary,

      This is a perfect question.

      Absolutely you can dig this out without having to wait to be triggered.

      With NARP if you use Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module and set the intention that you are targeting the trauma within responsible for (literally whatever it is that you want to change) then dense energy in your body will light up.

      Trust this, it certainly doesn’t have to be a fully blown trigger. Trust and take your attention to it no matter how subtle.

      Then follow the Module process, and you will shift it out and start living without those programs.

      That will completely change your Love Code.

      It truly is that simple and direct.

      Much love to you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  5. Hi Mel,

    Thanks for another timely post and is it so relevant to me because I am using the program and my mind is getting in the way going back to analysis and over thinking. It’s almost as though there seems to be a belief that it’s wrong to not allow the mind to participate in the healing when I have had some great shifts totally just being present and trust what ever feels uncomfortable in my body if it’s just a sensation or pain or if I am really feeling emotional because of heartache or anything else emotionally. I have lived in my head to survive all my life and being disconnected from my body is a way to have survived abuse and hand so much power away and then I have poorly treated others who have been those I cared for mainly out of frustration and not having the inner resources to give especially to my mother who died 3 years ago. The ego is very clever Melanie and it’s keeping me away from the modules as if it’s not safe to go there or something.

    Thanks
    Penny

    1. Hi Penny!

      That is so true. It’s the trap that is the entire human illusion – that our logical mind is in contact with our subconscious emotional programs.

      Our emancipation is truly about getting in our body and out of that mind trap.

      Please know Penny, you can target the traumas within your body which are causing your head getting in the way.

      That was a life changing shift for me … seeing I used to be the President!

      I thoroughly recommend that step for you Penny, your NARP work will go so much easier as a result, which means relief and healing being in a much straighter and faster line.

      Lots of love to you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  6. Oh thank you so much for this Melanie. Your videos are so timely and in line with my present struggles. I am vice president of overthinking anonymous and your article today had helped me so much to get back on track. Thanks again. Much love.πŸ’•

  7. Hi Mel,
    I am doing well with NARP however I still have fantasies that he will heal and we’ll get back together and live happily ever after. Is this normal?
    People say I should start connecting with men to see that there is hope that I can find someone who will treat me better. I’m not interested in anyone else… Does this feeling eventually stop?
    thanks,
    Beth

    1. Hi Beth,

      These will stop once you target the trauma in your body generating these feelings, load it up and release it.

      Then it simply will not exist!

      Do this with Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module.

      This is what NARP is for any false beliefs and emotions that aren’t serving us.

      These are all to do with previous fractures that are not our True Self, and can be completely finished with, within half an hour in ONE healing Module!

      And, or, you may need to do some deep designated Module 2 work on this as well.

      As the saying goes … ‘there is nothing else to do’.

      Why try to break that logically?

      Gosh Beth just heal this, dont listen to that advice! You will know when you are ready. It will be when your inner programs are on a healthy Love Code and are eager to connect with a mate.

      For the right reasons.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

    2. Beth,
      I feel the same way, I fantasize about him going to rehab, he is also an alcoholic, and having a break through being sober and apologizing and taking responsibility for all the harm and hurt he caused. I dream we would just move away where no one knows us and all the drama surrounding our relationship. I feel like I take a step forward in my healing then 2 steps back. He found supply almost immediately and knows that is my button, takes her to all the public places so all of our friends see he has moved on and is happy but poor Sallie she is mourning the loss of the relationship, her life, her future and her dog. Neighbors feel like they have to tell me they saw him and that they are so sorry. I had to relocate since we live in a remote small community and I come back to manage my home as an ARBNB and get my mail. He doesn’t have to live in the house we lived in and see all the familiar things anymore, he is free!

  8. Dearest Melanie,

    I’m also overthinker, but hold on, not anymore. I worked with NARP and my body relaxed so much, that I slept two days(!!) and that scared me a lot. There was a silence in my head, and I enjoyed the silent.
    And then naturally I got scared of what’s wrong with me, and started to panic (read: over thinking to “feel normal again”)… I discovered that I was so used to that overthinking poison, that healthy normal peace was strange to me (unless I was in the forest).

    But what was interesting was, that one of the traumas behind my overthinking is/was the false belief, toxic shame and guilty, that I don’t deserve to feel fine, relaxed and get healed. By doing so, I would attact against my primary caretakers who demanded “loyality”…. And so on..

    So all that lead me to focus on healing the traumas that are blocking me to love and accept myself (becoming my own source/self-parenting). πŸ˜€ The healing path can be a spider web, but focusing on the core wounds is the key.

    I’d like to ask, the new NARP is exellent, I can combine different healing modules. Is there going to be new Empowering the Self -course done the same way + female and male energy modules as well?

    Kindly,
    Siiri

    1. Hi Siiri,

      How wonderful you have been able to let go of traumas generating analysis paralysis.

      I love that you have gone deeper into resolving those core wounds. That is from where true emancipation begins.

      Yes Siiri updates are going to happen for both these courses! Stay tuned …

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  9. Hi Melanie

    What a great video, thank you so much.

    In the 80’s they used to say understanding is the booby prize its the experience you need.
    You are the one that has made this real with NARP.

    Its amazing how having lived through my head for survival for so many years this treasure trove of NARP has appeared and landed in my life.

    I sometimes don’t know what I feel but know its something and I will feel better if I shift with a module.
    My pendulum helps me with the decision making of this as I cant do it any other way at the moment.

    Your weekly Thriver tv is a life life thank you Melanie for all your inspiration and dedication to me helping me and thousands of others globally.

    Love Reena xxx

  10. Hi Melanie,

    How does your programme help people who necessarily have to have dealings with narcissists in the workplace? Many thanks.

    1. Hi Candy,

      All recovery from narcissistic abuse (and actually anything in our life that isn’t working) is all the same Quantum process.

      Find, release and reprogram the traumas in your Beibg that are causing you to hand power away and not generate your true potential on that topic.

      NARP grants you the step by step process to do exactly that, with not just any narcissist in your life, but also any less than area of your life.

      Bless you!

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  11. What a great video, as they all are. What I am finding is that there is so much childhood grief in my body, heart and soul. that I sometimes think there is never an end to it. layer after layer after layer and still more and more coming up. I have chronic Lyme disease, and live alone doing the best I can. I so miss being cared for , being held , being nurtured. I was told by my mom ” Don’t be so jealous!” when I crawled on her lab when she and my sister sat cozily together in a big chair. I was “wrong” and “bad” to wan that also. She died young, and I was told by “society out there” to take over nd care for everyone else. My dad was an expert at “guilt tripping” and calling me an “egoist” when ever a need of mine conflicted with his or that of the siblings, who quickly learned to treat me like the one to dump their own stuff on. I learned to be co-dependent and care for very one, in the false belief I would ” earn” a place in the family. It became a life long pattern, ( and probably from past lives as well). I was a ‘giver” but asking for my needs to be met was a crime. Even now–my relatives accuse: Gosh Aren’t You over that Yet? when I cry about an old loss. I am working on forgiveness–on seeing that they only bring up in me, which is part of a genetic soul family inheritance that is in us all. The ” No Talk Rule” keeps everyone in denial and I have always been the one with a deep need to communicate. I am healing yet very slowly. This ” do this for 4 weeks” message is not true for me at all. And I have found it difficult to do all that visualization the NARP modules and the answering of the question” How old is this child” She is ancient allight! It is good to know there are other going through this with me. I am not alone, even though it feels so lonely to go through so much deep deep deep pain.

    1. Ingrid, I feel your pain and all, your story’s so familiar to me. It’s endless endless endless never ending scary grief, pain and sorrow.
      Safer and better my life gets, the more there’s space and loving acceptance for the grief and pain to leave my body (read: to come to the surface). And how crazy it can get? I went to pick some berries one day, and I almost got a panic attack because of doing and giving something good for myself!! I was horrified that soon somebody will come out of blue and hurt me….. Feels like it never ends (that trauma), but hey, we Narpers won’t give up!
      Your story is way too common.
      Sorry for your loss, and wishing you all the best!

    2. Hi Ingrid,

      My heart goes out to you sweetheart. It can seem like, when we are deep in the trenches of healing, that it will never end.

      Often the breakthrough can be the finding and releasing of core beliefs that relate to this.

      It certainly was this for me … and is for many others.

      Ingrid, are you in the NARP Forum? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Please know, you dont have to try to heal one, your tribe is here, including many who have found the formula to come out the other side of only knowing abuse and very difficult health conditions.

      Sending my and the communities love to you and I’d love you to reach out to us in the Forum.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  12. Dear Melanie

    This week after weeks of not seeing the NARC, I caught a glimpse of him as he pulled out of the clubhouse parking lot where I live.

    He looked terrible. I didn’t know what it would feel like to see him again. I realised that I had not been looking for him at all. I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR ME.

    I realised that the reason I’d felt so good being with him was not because he Love Bombed me but because I HAD AGREED THAT I WAS LOVABLE due to his attention.

    It was Me that was loving Me.

    With his attention, I had permission to believe that I was loveable…. BUT IT WAS MY OWN LOVE FOR ME that had made me feel so good!

    He never quite delivered on making me feel that he really loved me… It was always weird. But it was enough to give me permission to hope.

    I HAD NOT BEEN NOT LOOKING FOR HIM.
    I WAS LOOKING FOR MYSELF.

    IT was not HIS love for me, but MY LOVE for MYSELF that had made me so happy.

    Guess what? I can always LOVE MYSELF and never leave myself! And I do!!!

    I was flooded with gratitude for the realisation that dawned upon me after catching that glimpse of him.

    I felt a sweet sadness for him.

    I’m so grateful for this experience. For him. For his mission on earth. Kudos to this NARC . Kudos to God. Kudos all around.

    I’m flooded with LOVE AND GRATITUDE for His SOUL’s mission. This LOVE dissolves the pain and makes me rather giddy with joy. I get it.

    The experience inflicted enough pain to drive me to a discovery or my beautiful Self hood and HIS beautiful Selfhood. And of the nature of all Reality.

    I feel deliriously happy to understand that I CAN LIVE IN LOVE ALWAYS. I am so grateful to FIND MYSELF. I LOVE ME.

    If we do not love ourselves, it doesn’t matter even if someone else could love us to the degree were need to be loved. We wouldn’t believe it.

    We MUST LOVE OURSELVES. We’re the only ones that can get it right for OURSELVES. It can not be outsourced!

    What an Awakening awaits those who find their True Self and love and live from there.

    Thank you for your work Melanie. It is straight from God to MANKIND.

    1. Hi Iris,

      I love your words, ‘I was looking for myself!’

      It’s so true, the true love we always seeked was our own love and approval for ourselves. Without this, love is not real or durable.

      I adore your blinding truth and the way you can so truthfully express it and share it with this Community.

      So much love to you and for you, and all of us Iris.

      Cheers to that

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

      1. Your work specifically pointed me to the dimension of Cosmic entanglement involved in these relationships.

        Once I knew what I was dealing with, I knew no ordinary tools would save me.

        The salvation of my very being depended on my getting this right.

        It means my question, my sole SOUL question is not “Does he love me?” Or “How can I secure his love?”. My SOLE SOUL question is:. “How can I love MY SELF?” (2 words).
        This is the quest, the focus, the journey.

        To love myself expansively every day by understanding that I AM of God issued is my only aim. May I never forget what he taught me.

        I truly bless this man.

  13. I am the Goddess of over-thinking, lol. Unfortunately, it can also lead to cognitive dissonance. I believe now, that cognitive dissonance is a temporary relief or ‘cork’ to protect oneself from emotional pain and reality and to temporarily close off the voices, (intuitive knowing) to continue with whatever the situation is. Sometimes our logical minds are our greatest enemy!
    And you’ve nailed it when you say it is internal trauma that continues to put us in the same situations.
    I had a breakthrough today. I have been looking at patterns in my life that I continually face. My one fear throughout my life and in fact my one boundary that I refused to give up was adultery. But it has also been what I’ve continually dealt with over and over. It has stemmed from a childhood of watching family members outside our immediate family in abusive relationships and how they dealt unhealthily with those relationships. “Logically”, I researched the topic to understand it and had insights that it is in fact a reflection of the health of a relationship and not the cause of the breakdown. I looking internally to see how I had been responsible for my part, (yep, that did take courage!), and thought to change my part in relationships in the future and yet again I dealt with it. But as you said, this is not something you can logically fix because my logic didn’t actually heal the childhood traumas. I still had the fear. In fact, the most recent relationship seems to have uncovered a serial adulterer. I am a great believer in ‘patterns’ and finally, rather than have physical proof, I’ve listened to my intuition telling me once cognitive dissonance was suspended. I will be taking this to the modules. Thank you so much, Melanie, for pointing me in the right direction : )

    1. Hi Kathy,

      Everything you have written here is so true.

      The mind can toss it around, read every book and get every ‘answer’ possible, yet the heat seeming missile of ‘adultery’ because of the fear and trauma of it, will continue to hit its target.

      How fortunate we are now with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp to just go STRAIGHT to the fear and trauma inside, remove it, reprogram it, and live free from it?

      You’ve got this Kathy.

      It’s time…

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  14. I have no idea where to begin. It’s been almost 6 years since I first discovered he was cheating on me…an utterly devastating and shocking truth, after 18 years of marriage. I never in my wildest dreams EVER thought of him truly going outside our marriage. He had me convinced, and never worrying, and believing in him and our “love” and our “family”, and he had me hook, line and sinker. And, now I know that he probably always had been cheating thru those 18 years. Then, the flood gates were open…with a mass number of cheating realizations, and lies, and deception, that all came to light. It’s been 4 years since the divorce, …but I have allowed him back in several times over these 4 years to “try again”….never really realizing that he was this Narc.
    With your help, and this blog, and my therapist, I realize now that all of his actions are definitely that of a true Narc, ….and I am TRAPPED within it. I cannot seem to let go! As soon as we break up yet again, he is off within a week or two that I hear of him with yet another woman…one of the many he has had. Meanwhile, I have TRIED desperately to move on….dating, and never getting anywhere. I miss him. ….or, do I really? I tell myself that I may miss him, but I do not miss the deception and all of the UNtruths of what I thought things to be. I miss the person who I thought he was,…the one who APPEARED to love me. But I know this to NOT be true now. I am sad. I am damaged. Broken. I do not miss the walking on eggshells of his doctor Jekyll and mr. hyde persona, and the blame game on ME, and his horrid competition with our kids, and his incessant need for attention and accolades and love. I used to think it was all about ME and that he just loved ME so damn much, he “needed” this attention from me…and it made me feel special and wanted and loved.
    I don’t know how to get out of this. I have ended things for good this time in Feb. I won’t go back. Although I think about it all the time. I am now too smart for his antics and charm and fake happiness. All this does NOT give me what I need, and I know this now. I need to move on.
    But I do not know HOW.
    I feel like a drug addict….where once I realize I HAVE the problem, maybe it will allow me to heal and move on. But how?
    I talk about all this way too much. I have nothing else going on in my life. My kids are going off to college and I will be alone and faced with more of this heartache and doom.
    Please help!

    1. Awww Karen,

      My heart goes out to you. This is such a horrifically painful position to be in.

      Sweetheart we have to do the inner work . . Truly … to find and heal the emotional, subconscious reasons we stay hooked on to these people.

      Its excruciating difficult to achieve this mentally, for more many people near impossible.

      The reason why myself and so many people in this community are not just completely released and recovered, but Thriving, is because we used NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp which is my healing system I discovered that not just saved my life but gave me my life.

      If you have been in this community for a while you will see posts everywhere from people enjoying the unprecedented results with NARP that just aren’t usual contemporarily.

      Check out NARP and do some research.

      I know it’s your answer, and it’s my highest recommendation for you.

      Also NARP is fully guaranteed, (there is no financial risk for you to try it) costs less than 3 counselling sessions and grants you the possibility of your True Self and Life, with lifetime, unlimited access, that you cant imagine yet.

      Our Community of members from all over the world, would love to help partner and support your Thriver Recovery. http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Much love to you

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

      1. Hi Karen,
        I felt the need to comment. Your message touched my heart. Once upon a time I was too a depressed, suicidal, emotional wreck…and now that’s all just a distant memory. You will get over this too! <3
        It's somehow sweet when you say
        "I miss him. ….or, do I really? I miss the person who I thought he was." I have nothing to do with the ex n anymore, I feel totally neutral towards him, as a matter of fact, I wish him all the best. This person is seriously mentally disordered, and it's nobody's fault per se. But sometimes, very rarely it feels like I would TINY bit miss him. I really thought about it and I think what I miss is the FEELING. If everything else was false, at least my feelings towards him were real, I loved him, the passion was very real, the beginning of the relationship was very intense, magical. Maybe that is what I might sometimes "miss". But I know that is no reason for me to return back to him, I'd be just fooling myself. But certain memories are beautiful and it's okay <3

        When you say "I talk about all this way too much. I have nothing else going on in my life". Don't blame and shame yourself, if you feel like talking about it and it helps, I think then it's okay! And that is what narcissism/n's/abuse actually does, they make your life circulate around them so that there's nothing more left than to "obsess" about them. So I think everything you are currently feeling is normal under these circumstances!

        Yes, energy healing like narp and eft is awesome. I'm not a healer so I cannot give advice. But what I have also noticed when the pain was too much….I have tried something called sound healing. You can even find youtube videos. I think they are excellent, when you are lost with "how's", not even knowing what to do or where to begin…the healing happens in an energetic/unconscious level, that we can't even consciously understand it. You don't need to do or try anything, just listen.

        All the best to you!

        1. HI Julia.
          Thanks to you and Melanie each for your kind words here. I do feel lost, and I am willing to try anything…..so I will definitely try sound healing videos. And if possible with the cost of NARP, I have been wanting to do that as well.

          Many times, I do not know what to do with myself. Sometimes I do feel like I am healing and recovering slowly, …as I am beginning to feel more confident and can envision the life I want to have, and I like the person that I am. Other days, I cannot stand to look in the mirror because all I see is the fat, ugly, horrid person he has told me many times that I am, with no life, no friends, and not a single thing going on. This is the feeling I cannot get passed. This is what I know I need to heal from believing. I need to love ALL of myself first before I know anyone will be able to come into my life and love me for me.

          It is at these low times, with nothing going on for myself, that I feel like I want to, and have to, and am willing to, find out what he is up to and who he is seeing….even if nonchalantly thru my kids,…why?…because I must certainly just be a glutton for punishment at this point, as it serves no purpose…..and by now, I am NEVER shocked or amazed when I find out…..where he has been, what lengths he has gone to, to seek out other women, to keep busy, and get out there and have fun and new experiences and a new life. All, while I do not. I have told him, many many times in my exasperating “need” to try to “explain” and “defend” and “get him to understand the magnitude of the hurt he has caused”…that I have waited and watched from the sidelines, as he went about his lovely life….all while “supposably” being devoted to me. NOT ANYMORE! I won’t stand for it. And as much as I “think” I miss him and US, and our Family, I have given him way too many chances at resurrecting himself already…and it is clear, he doesn’t get it, and he cannot do it…and I no longer will ever live like that again. He does not even see nor understand.

          And you are Correct….. I know I miss those feelings, much more than I miss “him”. But many of those feelings are fakely-provided, by him, and were not really true or real (in the end)…and all of the angst to get to those feelings was so not worth it….and I know this…and I thank God that I am smart enough to realize that now and I know enough to talk myself out of remotely even considering succumbing to those feelings. It is just not worth the end result anymore. The end never changes.

          I believe he has even himself fooled into thinking we will have another chance again someday to be together. And, many times, with my faith and my passion and my “always-believe-in-love-attitude”, I quietly may hope and pray that we get back together as well, and make it work next time. But I would never say that aloud to him or to even myself. I know that this man is not my soul mate or the Partner I need to have!
          SO, I have told him that we are merely a “bad habit that we need to break”…to which he got vehemently angry at! Of course! He “thinks” he is this very passionate person, and feels “so deeply” with his heart and soul….he will tell you himself that he is like this….and sadly, he truly believes that he is. But sadly, he is just a faΓ§ade of what he really wants to be. No person who is truly like that would EVER do what he has done. I feel sorry for him that he does not even see half of this stuff that I have figured out!!!

          Now with him breaking our divorce agreement and not paying me for his share of things for the kids, aside from child support, I will journey on with my lawyer in taking him to court. This poor man really thinks he does not have to pay for what he signed and agreed to…and he has not paid for these things for over 2 years, and owes me around $20k. No wonder I cannot break free. And I am stupid to think I could ever reason with this guy…..so my lawyer says court is our only option.

          Thank you both for your help, and for this forum and community. I will keep plugging away….believing in Karma, and believing that Good things take time and DO happen to Good people.
          πŸ™‚

          1. Karen sweetheart,

            Please know hun with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp you have a whole Thriver tribe to coach, guide and support you with every step of your recovery.

            The NARP forum unlimited lifetime access comes with NARP, meaning you have the best souls on the planet to help you heal… people who have already broken through and know how to.

            This means there is no guess work for you.

            Big hugs, you’ve got this and we have got you.

            Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  15. Dear Melanie,

    Having found you has been a great gift for me. This gift came out of the blue. I don’t remember where it came from or how I found you, but great gifts often come to us in this way because it is time for us to receive them. Don’t you agree? After months of reading websites and online forums about narcissistic abuse, I have discovered, through you, how to cut to the quick and reach the spiritual core of why this abuse has happened to me. I understand, relate to, and embrace your process of healing. I understand how this healing must come from within and how it must occur at a spiritual level. You have been and will continue to be a guiding light for me on this often dark path. I am traveling, I am healing, and I am grateful. I wish the best for you always and forever, you kind, kind soul.

    1. Hi Joseph,

      Thank you and I’m so pleased I could help.

      I totally agree that when we are ready, a way appears … absolutely.

      I am so happy, that you, another Dear Soul has found their way to the truth.

      Thank you for your blessing and much love to you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  16. Can narcissist not use quantum freedom healing also?….meaning they acknowledge there are unhealed traumas, life falling apart ,and a problem within that they wanted to β€œwork on” Would it help them?

    1. Hi Brandie,

      Anyone can heal their inner traumas, if they themselves decide to face them, be with them,load them up and release them, which is what NARP powerfully and quickly does.

      This means taking 100 percent personal responsibility to face ones inner self and stop blaming others or covering up the wounds by self medicating with outer attention, people and things.

      And consistently stay on this course..

      Can you see how a narcissist may not commit genuinely to that journey?

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  17. Hi Mel

    I sure feel the pain, a dense feeling in my hart. But when I try to do the shifts nothing happens. I have done a lot of NARP work until now and I had no problems shifting these other pains. But now I feel like nothing happens. I keep waking up every morning with the feeling. I do not understand what the feeling is about. What do I do wrong?

    Best regards and thanks for your great videos

    1. Hi Sanne,

      All this is hun is a block, not allowing you to access the trauma and / or shift it.

      If you set the intention to target that block in your body, you will feel dense energy light up somewhere.

      Use Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module to clear it.

      Also please know you have 24/7 unlimited support in the NARP forum whenever you get stuck! http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  18. July 16 2019

    Anna
    July 16, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    Thank you so much for all the info: about narcissistic abuse I’v received the 16 days were unbelieveable! It touches me very much. It feels like my life is described! So recognizabel and yes I’m also a thinker and a very hard worker. Everything I’ v done falls into place. Still reading your info: and watch your video’s every day! Amazing! The false believes that people has planted in me in my yougth are persistent. I was bad, crazy, not good enough. guilty etc! As a child I’v been punished a lot very harsh and much violence, and so on and on. Because of that my survival patterns are perfectionisme/and the fear of failure, fear of people and not feeling safe in the world and not feeling safe in my body! Hyper sensitive! I’m still in a lot of pain atrhritis/fybromyalgie/osteoporosis. But, up until now, I survived it! And I still believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again Melanie!

    Much Love anna

    1. Hi Anna,

      I’m so pleased my information resonates with you, and has given you hope.

      Have you tried Quanta Freedom Healing yet in my free webinar? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      This allows you to deeply heal your abuse symptoms, including physical conditions st their core.

      QFH is such a healing game-changer!

      Sending love,healing and breakthrough to you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

      1. Anna
        July 16, 2019

        Hi Melanie,

        I have not tried yet QFH healing in your free webinar, because I’m not a member of Facebook. Is there another way to join your webinar?

        Thanks xx

        Love anna

  19. My personal life is my responsibility. My personal life is coordinated by me and I gave everyone permission to be in my personal life and decided how much or how little I would be okay with whether I was conscious of it or not. My personal life is inside my person….my beliefs and my emotions, my spirit. So how can anyone ever have more power over my personal life than me? Once I understood this I started working from the inside out and that’s when Source showed me that my journey was the same as Dorothy’s from the Wizard of Oz. I always had the power to go home (to myself) and that’s when true healing started and every resource I needed to move forward just fell in my lap. Only then did my personal life changed because the person that I was changed. It can sometimes be a tough journey unpacking those wounds, but it’s completely worth it just to get to the other side where a more powerful self and a more peaceful life awaits. I’m so glad I had the courage and strength to take the inward journey because I’m really enjoying my life now. I can’t even remember the last time I had a thought about any of the narcs that are no longer any my life.

    I’m so grateful for this community and all that you share Mel. Thank you!

    1. I love Asha that you turned inwards to find your power.

      It is soooo worth it lovely lady … agreed. How awesome the N stuff is not your reality.

      Thank you Asha, and so grateful for you too.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  20. I really liked Iris’s post! Especially β€œI realized that the reason I’d felt so good being with him was not because he love bombed me but because I had agreed that I was love able due to his attention.” This sounds so much like what narcissists do as well. They agree that they are love able because of the narcissistic supply they receive. Really similar patterning that draws the two together. Her whole post really touched me and resonated deeply.
    Melanie’s work is heaven sent I agree as well! Module 9 especially (after doing the first eight wholeheartedly). The transformation was remarkable. I woke up the next day a different person. All of that attachment to the narc literally disappeared overnight. This was after almost five years of carrying it.The fact that she only charges two hundred dollars for NARP is proof that her healing mission is real and for the greater good. Do not hesitate to do this work!!!

    1. Awww Peace,

      I am so thrilled you are healing powerfully with NARP!

      It is soul liberating when you find and release your inner binds and programs keeping you ‘there’.

      Sending you many continued blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  21. Hi Melanie!

    I’m sad. And this time it has nothing do with the ex n or narcissism. But more like the attitude of my mother and friends. I’m 43 years old, and after childhood abuse, bullying and 3 ex n’s…and LOT of healing I’m nowadays pretty happy, balanced, normal person.
    I’ve met a new man recently. He seems nice, I have like a little interest towards him but not like crazy in love or super attracted. But I can take it easy and date him, why not. I have really “challenged” him and asked difficult questions and yeah, I haven’t noticed any red flags.

    The trouble is my mother and friends. None of them are happy for me that I’ve found a man, none of them are encouraging or supporting. Actually, they are all horrified! It starts to “eat” me. Even if I’ve done lot of healing and get over the ex n and hopefully all n’s…THEY haven’t. Their automatic assumption is that this man is a n too, and bad for me. To be honest, of course I have a little bit that concern too. But what if he isn’t?! I realised I’m being quite unfair towards him, I’m like all the time questioning and doubting him (even if just in my mind), and it might be that this is totally innocent person!! I can’t “punish” him or judge him, based on what other men and n’s have been in the past. So yeah, this was important for me to realise.
    I’m not even concerned whether this is a n or not, I’m interested in whether this one would the ideal partner for me or not!

    I usually don’t become so upset what people think about me, but when it’s my mother and friends who “should” know me profoundly and then they don’t, it hurts. I feel completely invalidated. When they doubt this man, at the same time they doubt me and my ability to handle the situation, in case IF he would be a n. The message I “hear” is like “you messed up in the past, probably it will happen again, you fool”. They don’t know how much inner healing, energy healing, trauma work etc. I have done, they don’t even know what it is, they are not familiar with these concepts at all!! So, all this, their rude attitude towards me hurts me πŸ™ I understand my mother might be worried. But she talks about this man in a very disrespecting way, without knowing anything about him. Even I don’t yet know him, so how could she?! This all just kills my joy, the joy I felt when I met this man πŸ™

    Also I thought…I might be healed and free from trauma and not a n target anymore, it might be this man is healthy and normal…but he isn’t the one for me anyway, that the relationship isn’t right or will not work anyway. Who knows. It’s life. But I think I’m allowed to experiment and live my life, why my mother and friends are trying so hard to hinder it? I’m proud of myself, that I have the courage to date again. Even when I’m still little bit scared of men. And I realise courage doesn’t mean reckless or risky behaviour. If I would hide inside the house the rest of my life and avoid men because of the fear that they might be n’s too…then I would let the ex n define the rest of my life and continue to give my power to him. I’m not going to do that! πŸ˜€

    So I don’t know what to do or think at this point…I wish my mother and friends would be more respecting and validating but they aren’t and of course it hurts….But I just keep calm and carry on πŸ™‚

    1. Hi Julia,

      Please please know this is soooo common. I’ve been through this and many others have as well.

      Julia, truly, it means inner work to do on this topic. We can never make people change or behave differently- we only ever have the power to ask ourselves ‘why is this in my experience? What can I heal about this?’

      For me, these wounds were all to do with my inner traumas of ‘not being believed / trusted / validated / given credit to … etc etc.

      When I stopped looking outwards and went inwards to diligently do the work on those traumas with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) http://www.melanietoniaevans.narp everything changed.

      Because then I had no triggers on people needing to believe me … and then they automatically started doing so.

      This whole trip ended! And I promise you it’s the true way it would for you too.

      Now people in my life believe what I do about ‘relationship’. If it wasnt to work out I have the consciousness and inner wisdom to deal!

      I so hope this can help you.

      Sending you healing and breakthrough.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

      1. Yes, thank you!
        I love what one coach said: “people are messy, they just are”. I think my mother is over-protective and worried, which probably is “justified”, and some friends might even be jealous if I’ve finally found a decent, good man. I just deeply wish my nearest and dearest would be on the same side with me and not kind of against me. But you are right, we cannot change other people…
        I think dating/relationships is kind of risky business for everyone on the planet, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I’m very proud of myself these days because I’ve come a very long way!! Like you said, it hurts when people don’t give credit/have faith etc. in me…but luckily this forum exists where I can become understood πŸ™‚

  22. I finally discovered why I was going no where as hard as I was working. No, matter where I went, I had noticed I was losing more & more connections & even sites & getting no accountability, no matter what I would do. Here I had a flying monkey/enabler in my life, perhaps more them just one. My identity was being stolen & so was my husband’s. Almost got evicted, but I finally told the office manager a little of what was going on. The manager, the landlord & the judge stood up for me & so far, it ended well. A tenant who is friendly with me, told me she told my son-in-law off. They are all at it again. My daughter is lying to my husband, making a real mess of things. She went on Linkedin to follow me around, like a dog chasing a steak bone, to go back to the psycho jerkaholic. She smeared my name so bad, I lost my credibility, my influencers & it went over into my business & research page. It was almost interfering with my publishers. My eldest daughter doesn’t work & she baby sits her grand children & she had no business being on that site. I left, I’m done with Linkedin, because as much as I shared these videos, people don’t care whose life they hurt, they spread gossip like wild fire. People are coming back, but they lost my trust, I’m going back into my research & writing & helping those who want it. I’m done with my family & I’m going quite legal, they are caught on so many levels. Six years of this from this hateful family who refuse to stop smearing my name. IT BACK FIRED!!

    1. Hi Carol,

      Your posts are always statements about the bad stuff, and you dont ask questions.

      Your last blog post you were upset that I didnt respond.

      This time I will.

      My question to you Carol is when are you going to stop focusing on all that has hurt you, which none of us can change, and work with the one entity you can change – and do the inner work to get healing and relief?

      Because that is what this Thriver Community and my assistance is all about.

      It’s about you taking personal responsibility to heal you and change your life.

      And myself and everyone in this community wishes that for you.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  23. This is me: You may spend hours researching, trying to work out β€˜them’ – these people and situations that you are doing repeat dances with. You may blame certain people, or genders or β€˜types’, and try to work out how to avoid them or change them. And all the time you are doing this instead of addressing your internal subconscious, heat-seeking missile programs.

    I need to go Quantum and get this taken care of

    1. Hi Lynne,

      It is so true, when we turn inwards and get it sorted there, we wonder why we were trying to control the outside, all our life!

      That’s great you are ready to Go Quantum! NARP is such a powerful way to achieve that http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp … and you are fully supported by the NARP forum community regarding ‘how to!’ http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Love and blessings to you!

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’•β™₯️

  24. On my despair journey, I have encountered many different human beings with depression, as nicely as humans except a intellectual illness. Now the cause why I sharing this with you, is that I am amazed at simply how few humans truly understand what a psychiatrist truly does.
    For example, countless humans I have spoken to suppose that all that a psychiatrist does is write prescriptions for medication, it is it!
    The easy reality is that Psykiater do so a good deal extra than simply dish out remedy prescriptions…
    Psychiatrists are scientific medical doctors whose speciality is in intellectual fitness (depression is simply one location of intellectual fitness that they specialise in).

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