Melanie Tonia Evans

Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 42
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


It’s a beautiful day when you feel NOTHING for an abuser and it’s called ‘You are NOT my reality’.

We all WANT to get there, and I know that includes YOU!

You can be forgiven for believing, because of how traumatic, painful and devastating the abuse is, that it will be IMPOSSIBLE to get there.

I once believed that too … but I promise you this is NOT true.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand EXACTLY how to get to this place of complete EMOTIONAL FREEDOM from abusers, that myself and so many Thrivers enjoy.



Video Transcript

I LOVE it when we get to this powerful place…

‘You are NOT my Reality.’

People ask me all the time, ‘Will I ever be able to stop thinking about this person?’ and ‘Will I ever have an attraction like this to someone else?’ and ‘Will I ever be able to get him or her out of my system?’

I want you to know the answer is a resounding YES.

And today in this Thriver TV Episode I’m going to tell you exactly how to achieve this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So let’s start off with how you WON’T achieve this – just so you don’t waste your time.


Willpower Will Not Stop You Thinking About A Narcissist

If someone tells you to NOT think about something, the very act of trying NOT to think about it usually makes you think about it.

In fact, it is the same for any energy we try to put into opposition to something – meaning an ‘anti-movement’ where we actually feed energy to the thing that we DON’T WANT.

People say all the time, ‘I’m over that now!’. Believe me, when you hear this it is a sure-fire way to knowing that they aren’t over it at all.

Here is the deal with the way our subconscious traumas work – they control our mind. The brain is always following the body. The reason is that we are thrown into survival programs – those parts of our brain trying to keep us safe, are repeatedly thinking about the trauma living on inside us that is still hurting us.

This also relates to peptide addiction, meaning that we are literally addicted to the painful thoughts that we are having. It is because our brain wants to keep manufacturing the feelings, the emotions, and the somatically felt chemicals that match the trauma.

So around and around we go, continually thinking about what happened to us, how it could have been different, why we didn’t or couldn’t ‘whatever’ and, of course, the possibility and fear of it happening again.

In this state, we are locked down in survival and don’t get to ‘go free’ to find the space inside and outside of ourselves for creation.

It’s exhausting. Burning all that mental and emotional fuel on our past – the constant re-living of it and the trying to push over or through it. Is it any wonder our adrenals are stressed and that we don’t seem to have any energy, joy or inspiration?

This is the bottom line – if when you think about something you still feel the emotional charge in your body, then you will keep thinking about it. This is because your brain is being directed by your cellular being to do so. Your cellular being – your subconscious programs and nervous systems –controls 95% of your life. Trying to NOT think about this is like trying to stop a tsunami with a few sandbags.

If you don’t get to the bottom of why you think and feel the way you are, then the only way to escape the constant thoughts and feelings of the trauma and to get free, is to pick up addictions to numb it out or to take medication.

And generally we still keep getting driven back to abusers, as we try to get them to take away the trauma for us.

So how do we turn it all around … for REAL?

Make It All About You

Because we are usually the type of people who commonly get targeted and hooked in by narcissists, we have made a career of making it all about OTHER people.

This is our normal.

‘If I just check in with you and make you happy and provide you with what I need to, to prove my worth and lovability, you will provide me with love, approval, security and survival.’

Because we aren’t able to anchor into our own rights, values, deservedness and self-generative power, we hand away our own lifeforce as we try to make someone else love us.

Those of you already NARPing and Thriving, will get what I am about to say – which is a really radical way of looking at narcissistic abuse. In fact, it is counter-intuitive to what most narcissistic abuse people will tell you.

Here it is…

THIS is NOT about the narcissist – this is ALL about YOU.

When we look at things from a deeper, Quantum soul and spiritual perspective – everything happens for a reason.

Everything is happening FOR you.

The situations that come into our outer life are showing us what is going on in our inner life. The further we are out of alignment to our True Self and True Life, the more the situations, the evidence of misalignment, hurt.

When we come home and start making the decisions that honour our True Self and True Life, the pain and situations stop.

Yet no-one can bring us home but ourselves. And it’s our job to do this, as adults, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing.

Yes, what is happening is awful, and narcissists are terrible and do disgraceful things. However, us making it ALL about ourselves is NOT excusing them … it’s simply acknowledging the truth.

I got to evolve myself GLORIOUSLY by really believing and accepting this truth, and it is the basis of tens of thousands of personal resurrections that I have had the joy of witnessing and continue to see emerge in this community every single day.

The narcissist’s ‘purpose’, at a deeper, wider, soul-evolutionary level, is to bring all the ways that we are not as yet self-partnered within ourselves smack bang into our conscious, like a sledgehammer.


Waking Up In Order to Heal

Here are some of MY greatest gaps which narcissistic abuse put me firmly on my BUTT to heal, if I was to have any chance of living, let alone Thriving.

  • The ways in which I was so self-critical and self-punishing. (He reflected that back, and then some!)
  • My inability to connect with, be with and soothe myself. (When I was distressed, he mirrored this by abandoning or punishing me harder.)
  • My terror of speaking up because of my unhealed fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment. (I had no voice and stayed with the narcissist, trying to keep the peace continuously – even when everything was screaming inside of me not to.)
  • My fears and terrors of not being able to survive on my own. (My greatest fears in this department were brought to life by him.)
  • My fear of other human beings and believing ‘I’m not safe in life’. (I ended up with crippling agoraphobia and a psychotic/adrenal breakdown because of this marriage.)

My list goes on and on.

Here is the thing – these traumas were already in my energy field before narcissistic abuse. Many were inherited, past life and collective female wounds, that were further supplemented in childhood trauma because our childhoods match our pre-birth traumas. Then, in my adulthood, they all blew up into a massive crescendo.


Because my soul wanted to make the unconscious conscious so that I would finally WAKE UP and free myself of these traumas.

We may think narcissists are using us for narcissistic supply, which they are doing, but WHAT if we, at a soul level, are using the narcissist as the instrument to deliver the evidence of what we need to heal?

And what an astounding instrument they are!

Narcissists have an UNCANNY ability to zone in on EXACTLY what it is that we have missing within ourselves.

My stuff was about not loving, seeing or embracing me, and these beliefs were ones that he supplied me in spades! He seemed so TOUGH and STRONG – ‘Finally I’ll feel safe in life with you by my side!’ Plus his façade was one of ‘wealth’ – ‘Thank God I’ll never be destitute!’

Then, as narcissists do, he turned back on me ALL these gaps, my issues, with ruthless ferocity. And my response was to cling on as I tried to resurrect the original ‘saviour’.

Of course, in my situation, the narcissist abandoned me, both literally and mentally. He turned on me physically, emotionally and sexually, leaving me SOOO unsafe. And the financial abuse I went through left me desecrated.

Need I say more?

My story is your story. This lure and switch game is what EVERY narcissist does. But I promise you – this is still about YOU.

Here’s the important part…

When you heal, you will no longer cling to someone hurting you, because you will be whole and full of self-love and self-worth. You won’t need to.

When you are already SAFE in life within yourself, you will never tolerate being with or enduring people who are unsafe and abusive.

When you become a self-generative force, who knows how to create a life with other available healthy components, regardless of what any other person is or isn’t doing, you will let go of unhealthy ones.

Not only are narcissists reflecting back to us perfectly the physical, real-life evidence of our inner unhealed shadows – they are also engaged in a spiritual contract with us. If you let go of holding them responsible for your unhealed parts and turn inwards to do the work to evolve yourself, the soul contract is completed and the narcissist leaves your experience.

I promise you this is true.

You may say, ‘But I’m tied up in co-parenting.’

I can assure you that there are people in my community who very successfully parallel parent with the same narcissists who used to make their kids and their lives hell. They are able to do this because their soul contract with this abuser has been healed and completed.

These people are unaffected by the narcissist, and their kids are doing an amazing journey with a healthy evolving parent leading the way.

The stories of ‘this hell will never end’ are NOT true – no matter what you may logically think, what abuse forums may tell you, or even what anyone still not awake to their soul contract will tell you.

What IS the true determinant is ‘where your soul is up to’ (see, again, it’s ALL about YOU!). When you get on board with what your soul wants to be up to – your healing, growing and evolving beyond your traumas and painful subconscious programs to come home to Who You Really Are – then there is no need for the hard grist to keep happening.


Just Having Too Awesome A Time

We know we are graduated when we are deeply immersed in the embodied understanding that ‘Your abuse brought me to my own glorious evolution’, and this becomes our focus.

Personally, I’m so grateful narcissistic abuse happened FOR me because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be living the astounding life that I do.

I feel AMAZING. And I love unpacking ANY trauma that does arise, because I know, on the other side of it, my relationships with me, life and others will be much more amazing.

I never had ANY of that before narcissistic abuse. In fact, when I look back at the person I was, even before being abused, I don’t recognise her.  I used to hand power away, was always scared, never spoke up, put my faith and trust in others – often with really bad consequences – and subjugated my values over and over, all to try to be loved.

Was I happy and Thriving before my Thriver resurrection? No! I was merely surviving and I truly did believe life was hard, lonely, unsafe and hard work.

Now I ADORE Life.

So please, those of you who write in and say, ‘I’m sorry Melanie for what you went through’, I love your compassion, but there is no need to write this. I promise you, I would go through it ten times over, if necessary, to feel and live the way I do now.

Can you see why I’m so passionate about this topic? It’s because I know that all this awaits every single one of you – no matter what your circumstance – IF you make your situation all about YOU.

Because, then, like me, as you start releasing trauma by doing the inner work of purposefully evolving yourself – which is what my NARP Program was created for – then you will start LOVING your life too.

If you want this please write below, ‘I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!’

You WILL see the joy and the beauty, and you WILL have feelings of love and wholeness and happiness, simply because you exist.

Things will start coming into view, and you will start flowing forward into your life as your True Self, experiencing things that you once only dreamed about.

This is what happens for all Thrivers in this community, who start releasing their inner trauma and painful programs. They reset back to Wellbeing, which is who we are all naturally coded to be. It is your organic state, no matter what your life looks like now.

Abuse and painful programs all dissolve away, along with the people and situations who represent them and all your connections, emotional or otherwise, to them.

Narcissists are ONLY the catalyst. If they hadn’t shown up to do the job on you, someone else would have had to come along to fill their shoes.

Have you ever wondered why narcissists KEEP coming?

Now you know why. It’s because you have been missing the soul contact – the necessary turning inward to do the work to evolve yourself beyond what is being triggered off in you.

When you do this, I promise you it will be: ‘Narcissist who?’ and ‘Woohoo, what is next to create and experience in my life?’

THAT’s the life myself and other Thrivers live.

Join us – seriously. I can show you how to start claiming your soul contact graduation today – by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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71 Thoughts on Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser
    July 29, 2019

    My ex-husband lied to me for 17 years. And it still burns me. He wasn’t mean to me, or abusive to me. But behind my back, he led a double life. And now he acts like it was completely normal, and it still burns me. How to let this go?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Carla,

      My heart goes out to you

      The betrayals and soulless acts of narcissists are so hard to let go of.

      My healing system is a complete step by step process to do that, from deep within your inner emotional self, which is why it does produce successful Thriver recovery.

      To check our NARP go here: and to learn more about it, I invite you to come into my free webinar with me

      I hope this can help, and sending you love and breakthrough with this.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    Heather Black
    July 29, 2019


    Back on 5/9/19 I did the silver subscription and worked through the modules. It changed my life! I have made so much progress with your help. Recently I have realized how I need to deal with family members who are narcissists and I went to go do the modules again with my dad in mind, and my access has been denied. I am hoping that since I paid for them before, I can regain access.

    Let me know!


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Heather,

      Absolutely you have NARP for life, and the NARP version 3 upgrade at no extra cost!

      Plesse email and one of my lovely staff will get you reconnected.

      How wonderful you are going to start modulling and breaking into more success and joy soon!

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

        July 29, 2019

        I am creating MY life and YOU are no longer my reality!
        I’m working through Narp and loving myself so pleased I found you Melanie.
        I’m a work In progress and for the first time I’m starting to love myself and set bounderies xx

    Yvonne Butler
    July 29, 2019

    Thank you for the insight about the soul journey.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      It’s my pleasure Yvonne


      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      July 31, 2019

      One of your best Thriver TV episodes. Really explains the entire “why did this happen to me” question! Once I truly understood this process, as you explain it in this episode, that question evolved into “Thank goodness I had this experience and WOKE UP!!” Your NARP system is amazing and I fully recommend it to everyone!

      When are you coming to NYC?? I responded to your tour survey! Would love to meet you in person! Keep doing the good work! You are an angel!! “Lots of love” right back at you my sister!

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 1, 2019

        Hi Christina,

        I’m so pleased this deeply resonated with you

        I love that you awakened and NARP has helped you so much!

        I dont know when we are coming to NYC, but we definitely are… I will let you know!

        Sooo look forward to meeting you in person.

        Much love to you too.

        Mel 🙏💞💛

    July 29, 2019

    Yes….i am so here, they are not in my experience now….if per chance they cross my path, they dont hang around… … works beautifully if you work Narp……I now use Narp for any trigger in my life….and for goalsetting/thriver modules……❤️❤️❤️💫🦋🦋🦋

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      That’s so awesome B that NARP has liberated you.

      Sending continued love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      Kay Holdstock
      July 29, 2019

      How do I know what I need to heel. Is it just what emotions are painful inside from past situations? I had a depressed and narcissistic father, left home at 18 straight into the arms of a very covert narcissistic man, stayed for 4 years, got out cold turkey once and for all. Married. Darling man fit for 15 years have been subjected to an overt/covert sister in law and extremely covert mothering law. I am the family scape goat and really get it when I speak up. Where do I start on myself… I’m a definite people pleaser & find it difficult to take criticism, overworking, empath & I’m exhausted. I also fit all the 9 points in your book as to why we may find ourselves in Narc relationships…. all 9!!!! I thank you in advance for any advice.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        July 29, 2019

        Hi Kay,

        It can be so confusing when we have trauma and dont know which one to unravel first or what ones even need to go!

        My NARP program leads you to the inner traumas that are blocking your True Self and True Life.

        Absolutely abuse has brought these unconscious triggers up that NARP shows you how to target, load up, release and replace in each step by step healing mp3.

        NARP is my highest suggestion to unravel and release your inner traumas in the fastest most direct way to be free of them.

        I hope this helps.

        Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019

    dear Melanie

    How timely! Today, the ex, the Narc, showed up at the beginning of my church service and came and sat next to me.

    (Well,I guess I had prayed to have an opportunity to thank him.)

    He wanted to “apologize”. Of course…. I was ready. Armed with Understanding and Universal LOVE. And TOTAL PEACE.

    I felt NOTHING but COMPASSION him. I listened politely for 6 seconds, then :
    I thanked him profusely for his role in my life.
    I told him how incredibly important he was – must be – since God assigned him to me to totally change my life.
    I told him he helped me so much that now I was positioned to really make a difference in the world …after knowing him.
    I totally meant this.
    I told him, I could have never done what I am doing without him.

    He didn’t ask any questions! He didn’t ask why. Pretty sure he realized this was a different person from before.

    There was zero gap for him to hoover. It was clearly out of the question. I was stone cold TRUTH FULL

    He topic switched to tell me about his latest physical problems, concerns. etc

    I recommended he give up stress and juggling multiple women. I sincerely meant this too. And I couldn’t resist saying: ” I should have never gotten between you and your girlfriend. I know you really love her.” (Actually, she was already 2 girls ago. And she was my replacement.)


    He just stared: “I didn’t come here to talk about that. I just came to apologize .”

    I just stared.

    Then he wanted to tell me how cleanly he lived and couldn’t understand why he got such a bad checkup. It was a test to see if I was reading this as truth or not. I wasn’t buying.

    I could totally see through every attempt to find a gap and get a reaction from me where I would enter a non-honest agreement of sorts just by nodding. I NEVER ENTERED THE LIE. I NEVER AGREED TO THE ILLUSION offered.

    There aren’t any gaps. I was totally My SELF. It was easy. I can do ME when I’m not trying to please him.

    I REALLY AM full of GRATITUDE AND LOVE AND TRUTH . And that’s what he got. GRATITUDE and LOVE and TRUTH. Not GRAY ROCK. Real Rock. 🙂

    That was all he got. MY REAL ME. Not someone trying to please, understand, support, heal, encourage, cheer or interest him. JUST HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL, HONEST, TRUTHFUL, ME. TRUTH.

    Then, after driving all the way downtown to ‘apologize’ (when he could have easily run into me at the Condo Village) he got up to go because he “had only come to apologize”.

    The he tested my reaction to his showing up (boundary crossing?) unexpectedly by saying “we should go out separately so people don’t see us”. Laughable. I shrugged and said “nobody cares” and waved to everybody as we walked out. 🙂

    Then I explained, I had to go because I had book to read before my next conference.

    It felt so good to honor mySELF with an honest, truthful conversation and not compromising with his suggested topics of induced conversation (which could have been untrue anyway) .

    I AM SOOO FULL OF Love and Indescribable Gratitude for this horrific experience and for my emerging from it with SUPER -Consciousness.

    There is definitely hope. I did not think I would recover from that death, but Today is proof that I am COMPLETELY FREE from all emotional triggers or reactions. I thought that pain was going to take me out a few months ago. But actually, now I am whole and stronger in a way that I did not even know existed.

    God bless that man.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Wow wow wow Iris.

      REAL Rock.

      Rock solid sweetheart as yourself.

      You are beyond inspirational Dear Lady.

      Soul graduation achieved with multiple honours.

      So much love to you and him and the entire ingenious system of soul evolution.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      July 31, 2019

      Iris, what a triumphant story! Thanks for sharing.

      October 27, 2019

      Bravo! I so enjoyed reading your story. Im there too and life is simply peaceful and exciting. So happy for you! ❤

    July 29, 2019

    How do you feel about us “depending” on others for support? Is the goal for all of us to become completely independent? Although I’ve shifted out of needing someone to “save me” in terms of love, and approval, I still find myself wishing I had some help with the day-to-day duties of life… a lot of the tasks that are easy for big, strong, men and not so easy for me to pull off on my own…. although I am trying… and tired… LOL… wish that lawn would stop growing. Also, what is a healthy level of emotional support? Are we to strive to not need anyone elses emotional support? As we weed out the narcs it leaves a lot of quiet time. Did you find you had to be careful what people you continued to rely on?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Great question DMJ,

      Okay … we do want to be interdependent which means self generative, yet connected and asking for what we need as well as delegating.

      We are not supposed to be an island emotionally or practically.

      Dependency on unhealthy people means we are blaming people for not providing what we need to, as adults, provide for ourselves.

      But this doesn’t mean we need to do everything ourselves.

      I hate house work and accounting. I employ people for those things, yet absolutely I had to learn to love myself and be happy in my own skin before seeking a love relationship.

      I also had to learn to be honest about how I felt and what I needed from existing people in my life to start getting relationships right, which included ascertaining whether or not people in my life would remain in my life.

      DMJ maybe lean inwards and do some healing work around this and clarity will arise from within.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019

    I hear what you’re saying but here’s my dilemma: If you’re a religious person or grew up with religious values then loving yourself seems almost blasphemous. It feels like selfishness, egotism or narcissism whereas the focus, for a believer, is on worshipping God and serving others for the sake of God. If you grew up with values of humility, modesty, patience, forgiveness etc. then focussing on oneself seems a real challenge. How do you find the right balance?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Anne,

      there truly is a big difference between self-love and self-absorption.

      These resources of mine may help with this distinction: and

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      July 30, 2019


      My entire life is ministry. I do nothing else but study, pray and heal understanding of Reality. It gets exhausting to heal others repeatedly. They have to come to know God directly.

      I can tell you this: We are fooling ourselves if we think we can love others UNLESS we love ourselves first.

      We can only be empowered to love to the degree that we have accepted, received and believed the love that GOD has for us.

      We have to cease to try to please, be good to, “serve, fx or heal” Others. The At-One-Ment (ATONEMENT) means ALL OF us ONE with God. Not just one individual at a time. ALL are made whole. Did we believe the message? Let’s practice our living from that standpoint.

      As we individually wake up to the Truth (raised up from death of human existence) we ‘preach’ or declare this to all creatures. ALL REAL being is transformed.

      As the ambassadors of Truth, we reconcile ALL MANKIND TO GOD with the same LOVE that we have received. We are saved (made whole) when we really receive this Truth. We have to RECEIVE THE LOVE FIRST. Here is where NARP is a God-sent tool. With it we can examine why we have not fully integrated Divine Love into our Consciousness. It is a portal to the Holy Spirit to fill us with GOD TRUTH LOVE

      DIVINE LOVE is different from HUMAN love. It is not personal. It is not limited. It is not bound up in time or events. It just IS. Eternally.

      I hope this helps somehow.

    Amanda Hillery
    July 29, 2019

    Wow, “your story is my story”. Melanie, you are so wise. I love your message: make this about me. My soul was screaming out for me to heal myself. I am still trying. I am not there yet but I get and appreciate the message.

    July 29, 2019

    Thank you so much for this powerful video Melanie.
    I have done a lot of work since separating from my husband two years ago in a foreign country (divorce proceedings only just starting) but nothing has been as clear and as healing than the message in your video about the childhood traumas and wounds that the narcissist has come to help us heal from!
    Like you, I have become so happy since realising this and after doing the work to build my life here in this country that isn’t my home and now having a career that I never even would have dared to dream of before has been so empowering and has brought so much joy to me I never thought possible. I’m forming new connections and meeting people who are genuine and authentic and only have the best intentions for me.
    I can truly say that I feel an excitement about life I never thought was possible! I trust myself and life, and I’m not scared about the future anymore.
    Lots of love and success to you and everyone following your programme!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Katri,

      You are very welcome.

      I’m so so thrilled that your work with NARP has given you back to you.

      Thank you for sharing your progress and breakthroughs and I’m beyond happy for you Katri.

      Love and blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019


    I left a job because of a highly narcissistic female boss. I’m massively relieved yet really struggling financially because of it. I’m drowning in credit card debt right now, and a job I needed fell through recently which was devastating as it was exactly what I needed right now. I feel that I’m in “the void” and am not sure how to proceed. I have your programs but am not confident that doing them will help me with money at this point. Do you have any advice? If I go onwards and spend a few hours shifting my beliefs and trauma, will the money/jobs somehow start up again in my life? I want to believe it but I’m struggling.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Hannah,

      Im so sorry you are going through this stress right now.

      Please know absolutely NARP can create big breakthroughs with finances and jobs etc.

      In fact any area of your life that is not flowing healthily.

      Please come into the NARP forum and we can help guide you with the goal setting modules how to achieve your required breakthrough.

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019

    I am 42 and have just been discarded by my 5th narcissistic man ,second narcissistic husband . My first was when I was 21 . Every form of abuse possible .severe
    I come from a narcissistic family of origin. My husbands family too .
    This has plaqued my life… I hit rock bottom . self destruction. I’m a mother of 2 very young boys ,. Found it so hard .I honestly thought I was going to die
    Then I found your teaching and I can honestly say it has saved my life ..
    When I would be in the throes of a big drama with him ( usually at night ) my phone would buzz with your email .it gave me such hope , knowing that someone understood finally, and was giving me help/ insight into this .
    I am so excited to start the narp programme and finally start living my true life . Thank you for partnering with me in this mel . I am forever grateful ….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Lorna,

      I’m so glad we partnered up too Dear lady.

      It makes my heart so happy to know I can help you.

      Much love to you and your boys Lorna, and I’m so looking forward to sharing more breakthroughs and blessings with you on NARP.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019

    Dear Melanie ,
    Firstly I just want to say the biggest thank you possible for all your work & understanding . You have literally helped save my life .
    My husband / nearly Ex Narc ( we are living apart but still see each other ) is going through Schema therapy . I don’t see many posts about people getting help with their abusive behaviour & was wondering if it’s likely to help . At the moment most things I say or do seem to “trigger “ him but I’m getting much better at being able to observe it all & not get dragged in . In your opinion is it worth waiting it out to see if the therapy is going to work ?
    I’ve got your book & it’s helped more than I can say .
    Thank you again
    Ella x

      July 29, 2019

      Hi Melanie

      Thank you for your post, I am feeling very down today. I am on my healing journey but narcs still seem to show up in my life. I feel like I am grieving for the childhood I never had with narc parents. I have had to let a lot of people go in my life as I do my soul journey including my adopted adult son who was so abusive towards me, after a long time apart I tried to reconnect with him but the abuse stayed the same and I knew I had to walk away, I am slowly learning to love myself and accept myself for who I truly am, it’s hard though, much love x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Hi Ella,

      Please know how welcome you are.

      I have created some resources on what it would take for a narcissist to heal, which if you Google my name and that search, will help you understand the possibilities.

      I truly believe for all of us, it is about living our life true to our values and Real Self, and the people with healthy resources will meet us at that place, or if not capable they are not a match.

      When we understand Quantum Law we know that what we align with and or tolerate is our chosen and therefore granted reality.

      If he is still projecting and not in full honest humble ownership, remorse and atonement then he doesnt have the resources.

      Wishing you power, truth and strength for your Real Life going forward.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      August 6, 2019

      Ella I did schema therapy. I wasnt ready for it at the time I didnt want to go into my feelings. I wanted to stay in my head. It works on a similar process to narp but I find narp a much simpler way to do things and I can do it every day. (Feelings are everything where the healing is). So it depends how ready your narc is to feel deeply. Most narcs dont change but I have experienced a beautiful man in my sex and love addicts group who was a complete narcissist and has had the most amazing transformation so they can change but it is the readiness and you know how much work narp takes to heal. So it will take time I think self awareness is huge and also embracing your dark side. This is my opinion.

    Anonymous for now
    July 29, 2019

    HI Mel

    I am going crazy. I have been getting visions for the past 3 days of my life purpose and my soul mate. I have been narping every day and my purpose was to uplevel every area of my life. I was not focused on the narcissist even though my mother and my ex had narc tendencies. MY plan was to find my soul purpose vocation to get myself sorted financially and then to meet a man but god had another plan for me. But instead of trying to manifest this i did it the other way around and let the Universe flow thru me and let my super conscious decide my future and a higher intelligence as i know that source can offer me my soul purpose beyond my wildest dreams. God has other plans for me and that is for me to meet my soul mate as he is part of my purpose. My soul mate wrote a book about his soul journey and i connected to his book and him on such a deep level that i know with every cell in my body that he is going to be my soul partner as i feel it i feel his energy around me his soul and it is so strong. We are due to meet in a weeks time for a coffee, but i think the Universe will bring this in quicker as it is so strong and powerful. I am doing wierd things that is so out of character and i feel guided by him on a soul level. There are so many more signs that the my angels and the Universe has been sending me which will take too long to share here. Im about to have the biggest shift and transformation in my entire life. It is going to explode very soon. My intuition is screaming at me. The idea of meeting this man excites me there is absolutely no fear in my body around this and no red flags in fact it feels so beautiful that i cant explain.

    July 29, 2019

    I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!! <3

    Thank you Melanie! <3

    July 29, 2019

    OMG!! That was the best EVER!!!
    Thank you.Thank you! Thank you! ❤️💕❤️

    Sheree Baxter
    July 29, 2019

    wow this seemed like you were speaking to me directly thank you

    I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!!

    July 29, 2019

    For me coming across Mel’s blogs feels like a miracle, much needed which led me to enrol on the NARP program. After approximately 30 years of marriage and four children, I finally woke up to what was going on in my life after feeling like an axe had smashed into my mind and having major flashbacks. My husband seemed to realise that I had ‘got it’ and started his campaign of approximately 6 months of terror. But I learnt after much reading what it was all about. Now 8 months on I have just begun my new life and I am excited as everything is falling into place and going forward at a fast pace, I think next step for me is the empowered self course. It’s finally good to be alive!

      July 29, 2019

      Dear Ameena, so wonderful to read your post , especially your words : “ it’s finally good to be alive” ! Cherish every day now .And the Empowered Self Course is excellent and just such a wonderful process . Enjoy and may blessings be with you xo 🌺⭐️

    July 29, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    I have the NARP program and did the intro module this weekend. I recently told my N husband that I want a divorce, and I actually do feel mostly apathetic towards him, however, I do still have tremendous fear of him. We are still living together and I can’t wait to be free of him, but I feel frozen moving forward with divorce, especially with the financial aspect. He has been financially and emotionally abusive. I have PTSD from his abuse, and when we had a recent divorce financial discussion, my PTSD was triggered. He repeatedly dismisses and invalidates my feelings, and abused/punished me when I expressed my perspective and stood up for myself. I fear asserting myself and feel like I have no voice and no power. My emotional mind feels helpless even though my rational mind knows I am not.

    Are there specific modules I should work on first, or should I go in order?


    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Hi Claire,

      It takes great courage for you to know you need to leave and start doing the inner work to detach and disarm his power against you.

      The first thing I want to say is please know your Thriver Tribe is here for you, to help support you and guide you every step of the way, in the NARP members forum This is such an integral part of your NARP membership and unlimited 24/7 resource you can use in need.

      Yes, absolutely keep with Module 1 addressing all the triggers that are presently coming up for you, and the fear will be released and replaced with peace and power.

      And reach out to us in the NARP forum in need.

      You’ve got this Claire.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 29, 2019


    Thank you again for such a powerful talk! I agree, perspective is everything. I often think, sometime before we were born into this dimension, we all sat around in teams, like architects, and very lovingly and honourably “built”/designed our timelines together, agreeing when and how we would intercept each other. And how we probably were so excited by this because the outcome could mean our wakening/evolution to Being/re-membering. And isn’t it interesting that you and I and you and everyone else in this community could have worked together create a blueprint for the common good before we arrived in this dimension and that essentially we are all messengers working in different capacities? That’s a very basic idea, but I truly believe if we miss a critical timestamp, the timeline shuffles to allow the opportunity to reappear downline. As you say, if the narc keeps appearing, we missed something before and they are providing us the opportunity to “re-do”/graduate.

    I recently read that people come into our life for one of two reasons: They are either a messenger or a blessing. Both are positive and again perspective shows us this to be true. A message/er is feedback. Feedback is neither negative or positive, it’s the reaction (e-motion – energy in motion) that is the generative force. This was happening to me earlier this summer and it was you who reminded me of this basic premiss. So I diligently went inwards to tackle the blocks and issues keeping me entangled/from graduating. (You’re my messenger and my blessing!) 🙂

    You said, ‘Narcissist who?’ and ‘Woohoo, what is next to create and experience in my life?’
    Exactly! I have had a major attitude adjustment (for lack of a better word). Now I’m heading out each day happy and looking forward to how things will unfold instead of dreading what CRAP will come up at work, or the CRAP I’ll “probably” be running into along the way. Crap is not the sort of validation I’m looking for. i.e., self-fulfilling prophecy of victim mode .

    So within, so without.


    July 30, 2019

    I totally agree with this. The narcissist in my life was my best teacher. I had to heal. Or die. I chose to heal. I am forever grateful to this monster for showing up in my life. Well said. We can heal from this nightmare. And come out stronger. You are doing incredible work Melanie. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Awww Shelia,

      You have nailed it … it’s so true, after this we either heal or die. There is no inbetween.

      Mere survival is a dying whilst being alive, if we are not healing.

      Thank you Shelia and many continued blessings to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 30, 2019

    Mel, you are so on point! Lately, when I come back here to respond to one of your videos, I’ve noticed that my whole tone has changed. I don’t complain about them because I don’t notice them nor do I care anything about what they’re doing. I don’t wonder how my ex is doing and I don’t miss my sister who was the last narc I had in my life nearly two years ago. I can’t even remember the last time I even talked about a narcissist other than to refer someone to your videos and NARP program when they reveal that they are suffering from narcissistic abuse and I’m comforting them. But it’s not just the narcs that have disappeared, it’s anyone with poor boundaries, who’s irresponsible, has no goals in life, has a strong victim mentality, the greedy boss that doesn’t treat their employees like we’re valuable, the landlord who tried to get out of taking responsibility for the fire in my apartment (I ended up getting 6 months of free rent and I’m now living in a spectacular space because I won in court.)….the list just goes on and on. Just as soon as I started to put myself first, everything changed not just the disappearance of narcissists. I’m no less generous, kind, compassionate or available for the people in my life, I simply don’t throw myself under a bus to help someone out of fear that they’ll leave….. falsely believing that I needed them more than I needed myself to trust life.

    I live in a big city. Chicago. And there are always people Downtown begging for money. Now they just walk right past me. It’s the craziest thing! It’s like before they could see the empathy pouring out of my energy field because I would feel so bad for them. But when I started focusing on myself, I started to remember all the good advice I would hear over the years but couldn’t take in. One such advice was when a therapist told me that “there are lots of resources for people in any type of need for help and reminded me of how I’ve used those resources myself.” She said that if they really were wanting to move forward in life they would be using those resources just like I did instead of begging for money. At the time, I thought that was so cold and cruel. I use to think “what’s a quarter or a dollar when I have so much” and it took a while for me to see that I was supporting the problem just so that I could feel like a good person. Which then led to me questioning what I thought a good person was and that made me notice that I was still energetically in a relationship with my narc sister giving, and giving and giving and tolerating in hopes that she would finally see that I loved and cared about her so that our relationship could move forward and I could have the sister I always wanted (or the world that I wanted).

    When Trump became president I fell into a deep depression. But now I can see so many of the positive changes that are taking place at the spiritual level despite all the horrible things happening at the human level. I feel no more anger, fear or pain when he does something toxic. I care nothing about anything I may have to let go of in order to move forward. I’m not angry at the people that support him. I feel empathy for them. I let things and people go and am not bothered in the least. I no longer believe nor fear that every unhealthy thing a person does means they are a narcissist like a friend I had to recently distance myself from because I didn’t like the way she started talking to me. I didn’t demand that she understand my feelings or that she apologize and when she stopped speaking to me altogether after I gently confronted her, I was mildly disappointed, but understood that she has some maturing to do and when she figures it out my door is open to her because she really is a good-hearted person who is only acting out her poor boundaries……..poor boundaries I always knew she had anyway. But I felt no need to keep her around until she figures it out and subject myself to it any longer. And like magic what I want for my life has appeared in place of those things and people that I let go of in order to focus on my own well being.

    A few weeks ago I asked for a raise. I have always been one of the most requested clinical massage therapists in any environment I’ve worked in and for the past 21 years, I have recommendation letters from every employer and four awards for my work along with a couple of magazine articles written about my technique. I’ve worked at both my private practice and worked for others for the entire 21 years and despite all of my extensive training, high request rating, 5-star reviews, and advanced certifications, my employer said “no” despite only giving me one raise in six years. Before using NARP to help me find my confidence again, I would have been devastated. But I noticed that her “no” wasn’t what it appeared to be. I could feel the Universal Spirit you call the Quantum Field saying “yes” to me investing full-time in my private practice and gently pushing me to trust that I have everything I need to live comfortably from the income of my practice. I came home that evening and for two days I completely reorganized my business and started marketing for the first time instead of just relying on my reputation as I’ve always done. I’ve been busier the last three weeks than I have all year. The clients just showed up. Turns out they were there all along waiting for me to focus on myself and create the business I truly wanted. Now I’m taking the entire month of August off from the spa. I’ve never done that EVER! LOL! Maybe I’ll return to teach or do something else. Maybe I won’t. I don’t care. I’m enjoying how things just show up as a result of focusing on myself.

    I didn’t intend on writing a long post. There are just so many wonderful things happening including the things that I once would have thought were terrible that I just had to share some of them and I haven’t even scratched the surface with just how much my life has changed. I’ve always known the difference between the illness and the symptoms and understood clearly that it’s the illness that has to be healed in order for the symptoms to disappear. Every problem is a symptom. The illness was that I had lost myself and had to find her again and the only place she exists is inside this body not outside of it.

    That’s why your work is so powerful. It’s a journey back to Source. And Self and Source is the same thing. Wow. I wish you could see the happy tears rolling down my face right now.

    Thank you, my sister, for all that you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Oh Asha,

      How true it is that when we shift on the inside, everything in our experience shifts to reflect this.

      I love what you wrote about longer throwing yourself under a bus … I so recognise myself as being in that previous category too!

      Awww darling I am so thrilled for you about you going out on your own and being blessed abundantly by the Quantum Field. This is soooo your true path, to be free to do your thing!

      How utterly perfect that your employer said No to you!

      Sweet soul sister I so know that our paths will cross, in person, for that hug where both of us will share tears of joy together.

      What a beautiful journey to be enjoying heaven on earth as you do now. I’m incredibly proud of you.

      So much love to you Asha!

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

      August 6, 2019

      Hi Asha I love your post I had goosebumps reading it cos it is exactly what I’m going thru with narp. I’m about to have a huge change I feel it. Thank you for sharing🥰

    July 30, 2019

    Even since my parents conceived me in my mother’s womb all throughout my life my life has been so eventful, crazy, traumatic and almost historic this also includes the members of my blood-related family of origin. I am 1 of the 144,000 as spoken of in the holy bible I am a child, a daughter of the One True Living God the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of Israel. I am a righteous and special one. In the holy bible it says we, His children are wonderfully and fearfully made that includes me too. God has a special plan for my life and His special plan for me is amazing!!. I’ve had so many synchronicities, serendipties, supernatural experiences and strange and traumatic events plus miracles and break-throughs happen to me in my life. Me and my husband are each others’ fates and destinies we were born to be together to be with each other we are extensions of each other we are so connected we are inseparable and my individuality, identity, uniqueness and originality is not his it is mine and vice versa we are a power couple we have chemistry, electricity, unconditional love, respect, loyalty, etc…, for each other we are happily married. We have known each other since I was 8 years old back in 1992 and I’m going to turn 35 this year in 2019 and we got married when I was 21 in June 2006 we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary in June 2019 this year. I have realized MY own importance, significance, relevance and worthiness of ME, my own life, existence, survival, health, well-being, welfare, self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, confidence and healing and I’m now acknowledging all of these parts of and about myself and uplevel up-level all of them. Start putting myself first before other people and have myself as No.1 top first priority on my priorities list once in a while and….. I am creating MY awesome life and you are NOT my reality. It’s all about ME!!!. I am priceless!!! I am precious!!!.

    July 30, 2019

    I have to say this. I really do not understand HOW one actually “HEALS” from inner traumas….as it just sounds like admitting that you “have” these inner traumas and demons that continually plague you, is not enough.
    How do you get from Admitting and Knowing what those traumas ARE, …and then Truly “healing” from feeling the way you do?? How does one get Over those things?

    How do you HEAL the hurt and the pain and the memories and the constant battle to keep rehashing things in your mind?

    Do you just wake up one day and Love yourself, simply because you say you are going to, and because you “want” to?
    Do you just wake up one day and say “I no longer feel unloved” or “I really love myself because I am a good, kind person”. I’ve tried all that…it doesn’t help or make me believe it any more than before.
    I can tell myself all these great things….but believing it and living it are a completely different story.

    I don’t think simply by admitting you have these traumas gets you “over” them,…from point A to point B….so you can be healed.

    So, apparently, I am in the middle of this personal battle, and have not yet signed up for the NARP. I guess I have my reservations.

    I already feel like I am a VERY strong person, a VERY Smart person, …and I have caught on to this Narc finally…and I am raising my kids now alone…so I am certainly Capable. So, yes….admitting the inner traumas of what the Narc has been bringing to the surface for me to deal with, about myself, is certainly understandable. I get it.
    Yes, I am insecure. No, I do not love myself. Yes, I am fearful of my kids’ futures. Yes, I feel like I will be alone forever. Yes, a past love made me that way by constantly commenting and putting me down for how I look, what I wear, how I should talk, …and cheating on me. Then, a true Narc came along thereafter and “saved” me from this first person,…and now, he was 100x worse….so now I am doubly bad.

    I just don’t see HOW people are healing their traumas….without intense therapy or psychological help.
    I really WANT to believe all this…I really do. Just listening and reading has helped me already immensely.

    But because I cannot let go of this Narc, my mind, ….I guess I do not know HOW to let go of all these things he has brought to my surface.

    Plus, I fear that time is ticking…and life is too short, …and all of that. I don’t want to wait another 5 years until I might be healed. 🙁

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Hi Karen,

      Even though I know you have heard the following Karen hun, I’m just going to spell it out again …

      I promise you that it is totally possible to completely heal from inner traumas, as myself and so many others have.

      The way to do this is not just by admitting that you have issues. The way to heal for real needs much deeper and more powerful solutions than that.

      No different if we were to have a physical infection and just admit it. We need to address and heal the actual cause of it.

      NARP my healing program heals trauma for real, as it has mine and thousands of other members within this community (it doesnt take much research to find the truth of that evidence through all my social media platforms or hundreds of internet reviews).

      Until applying the step by step NARP healing process, absolutely it would be virtually impossible to imagine what it is or how it can work.

      This is why I created the free webinar where you can understand what NARP is about, how it works and go through a Quantum healing process with me, to feel its effects.

      NARP has a complete guarantee Karen, you lose nothing by trying, except the pain of being stuck in this place where you presently are without a way out. Because I promise you cognitive effort doesnt vet you there.

      I know Karen, back in the day, when there was literally NO solution for trauma recovery (I had to find and create it) I would have crawled a cross a paddock of broken glass to get to even a possibility of some relief.

      NARP is a proven program that has healed the unhealable and gotten people over and past unspeakable horrors, and continues to every minute of every day. Even when no amount of therapy has been able to help. If you do the research under my name and reviews, you will find that is commonly reported. It was also my personal experience after every therapy imaginable. Because none of them were targeting my subconscious programs, my deep inner being, or my soul.

      We’ve got you Karen, in the NARP members forum we can help you shift past any block and snag that gets in your way …

      IF you reach out, are prepared to do the vital inner work with NARP and let us.

      What else is there to do but try NARP?

      I know its scary, but you’ve got this and you dont need to do it alone.

      So much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

        July 31, 2019

        Thank you Melanie. I KNOW you are right. And, it’s not as if I don’t believe you, or see the thousands of folks who you have helped…..I know that and I do trust in all of it to be true for them.
        But, yes. I AM scared. I DO feel alone. I DO feel like there is no hope for me. I DO feel weak from all of this.
        I’m sorry to keep writing.
        I really hate myself for continually dredging this all up. I think everyone is getting sick of me and they don’t know why I “can’t just let it go”. I don’t even know Why i can’t let it go. I WANT to move on. I actually can Picture myself in a bright future. I know how I want it to be.

        You are right. I need to Try your free webinar first to get more information. I know that I need to do your program.

        Thank you for your patience and support!!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          July 31, 2019

          Awww Karen,

          Babe i know you do, and please know we are there in the NARP forum to help you every step of the way …. soooo many Thrivers, more than you can imagine have been through these exact same fears and feelings.

          There is no WAY you have to do this alone.

          Sweetheart the only reason why you cant let it go, is because you have inner traumas not allowing you to.

          Nearly everyone is the same. We were all like this.

          And really Karen ‘more information’ is never going to give you enough logical reasons to do the inner work. You just need to do it. You have almighty epic pain body survival programs within you which are going to give you ANY and EVERY reason why NOT to do the inner work.

          That’s what’s happening now. But some part within you can take a stand for your inner being and child with the ferocity of love … to say … enough. I AM going to turn inwards to rescue and heal myself regardless.

          It’s not so much I’m patient Karen, I just am passionate about saving souls and lives. And I know when peeps start NARP and get fast results they regret they hung back for as long as they did.

          All those nasty pesky beiefs that your ego (the internal narcissist) is trying to stop and block you healing with, can soooooo easily be dealt with, with NARP, you and the NARP community combined.

          We’ve broken through them many many times before!

          Love and power to you

          Mel 🙏💞💛

    July 30, 2019

    I am creating my awesome life and your not my reality.

    July 30, 2019

    Dear Mel,
    Once again I’m hearing you speak my truth out loud. I’ve come such a long way from the black abyss of lies, betrayal, manipulation and gaslighting. And footing the majority of our bills. I’m still triggered but my feelings much less intense.
    I recently spoke my truth regarding a third person that was always in the background. “just a friend” The response I got, after failed attempts at diversion and gaslighting, was that she and her daughter will no longer be in my life until I receive treatment for my serious mental disorder, histrionic personality disorder. Her words. I can honestly say this isn’t me. It made me laugh, actually, but my response was “wow, that’s quite a diagnosis”. I was not hysterical nor erratic, I’m pretty much the opposite. Necessary for survival in living with a someone with rage issues.
    I’m sad I’m being smeared, especially to her daughter, who I’ve loved for the last 8 yrs, since she was 2,

    This is hard.

    Mostly, I wanted to say thank you, for the inspiration to move forward, the promise that it will get better, and the validation I get when you share your story. Because you’re speaking mine.
    Blessings to You,

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 30, 2019

      Hi Mary sweetheart,

      Hun all of that is soooo not your reality.

      You so belong where I and many others are at now.

      Let go, keep releasing and come claim this.

      Its waiting for you lovely lady. It’s your time.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕♥️

    July 30, 2019

    I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!! <3

    L A
    July 31, 2019

    Hello all,
    I’ve been reading the comments and blog posts and decided I’d give it a try. I bought NARP 3 days ago and did about 40-50 shifts total so I’ve finished Module 1-10. Fortunately for me I found this website out of PURE chance. I DuckDuckGo’d (an alternative search engine) on my spirit’s whim “how to make it in music without selling your soul”. Eventually after a few pages I found the blog post pertaining to the soul contract, and you could say I was hooked in by Melanie’s vibe of solidness and togetherness. So I decided to bite the bullet and take the plunge and got myself a silver NARP membership a few days ago. Being the keener I am, I diligently muscle tested my way through all ten modules and I am now on Module 1 of the second course on creating positivity. I’m still very young (20s) and grew up in a completely narcissitic family with a completely toxic ex-gf thrown in there (lied about disease, being pregnant etc.) I feel for those of you who have been through the ringer. I wish you would have found this resource earlier but thats just the way our souls wanted it (i found this website through PURE chance, soul intervention ;))
    Right now, I feel angry and empty as the healing takes place and events in my life allow the healing to cement in reality so to speak. Im going to hold off on module 2 of the second course until my spirit tells me to do so as there is certain events that have to take place before i can move on. My advice to everyone here is to TRUST YOURSELF MORE. Even if it is weird, odd, strange or whatever human labels we use to discard ourselves. Trust that you are healing and it will be so… the only block in your healing if you are doing the Quanta healing is your conscious belief that it isnt working because this stuff WORKS! Ive experimented with my attention not being fully on the healing and it still had the intended result… so I can say this stuff works as someone who has tried loads of healing modalities. I thank God I found this website, miracles happen when you DON’T expect them :). This all manifested out the blue as it should be. On my instagram for the last few weeks Ive been seeing Narcissitic abuse accounts and memes, I knew in my heart that this wasnt the answer, even replying to someone saying “on some level we asked for it or contracted for it” to which I got a victimhood response “thats the worst thing you could say to someone who survived abuse”. This was before I found your website Melanie aha so I feel like I understood the key concepts on some level. If I tried to find a healer it would’ve been a narc, as evident by my previous efforts. This truly manifested because of divine intervention! Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 31, 2019

      Hi LA,

      I always find it so inspirational when people so young do the inner work!

      It’s so great you dont have to crash and burn in your 40s and beyond, to finally turn inwards, like so many of us had to do!

      This is great that you are going to take the NARP journey more slowly and diligently in your second round, as that is where the most powerful and grace-filled results happen.

      Thank you for being an inspiration LA, of personal emotional healing responsibility and I’m so pleased your spirit led you here too.

      Continued love and blessings to you and I’m thrilled NARP is granting you the soul/core healing results you seek.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

    July 31, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    Another great video thank you. I have a question about soul contracts, but first, here is the background: This spiritual narc (a friend who I was involved with on and off for 30 years who served as a [pseudo] spiritual father in my life) had GREAT spiritual insight, was HIGHLY intuitive and perceptive, once told me that he believed that “God had put him in my life to…” as he put it “toughen me up”. He said this with such conviction, and I believed it at the time. I had just lost my mother at age 21, was vulnerable and also believed too that God had put this person in my life – there was such a strong, seemingly spiritual connection it was surreal and I believed he was there to help me navigate my shattered self back to wholeness, which he did in part. But he was absolutely convinced of his purpose, not only in my life, but in the lives of anyone who he came in contact with. He believed at that time that he was called to be a prophet, to challenge the status quo of the Christian church …but this DID NOT seem outlandish at all to me and other people who I trusted at the time. This is what I’m struggling to find the truth about… he was deeply aware of some kind of purpose in his life. Painfully aware, it was evident. I saw such anxiety of wanting to do the right thing and being a lover of “the truth”. Inevitably, as I watched his life unravel in dramatic and destructive ways, I think he found he no longer could sustain his spiritual beliefs any longer because of the trail of crap that his life seemed to produce. So consequently he has now completely abandoned his faith. So my question is, was all of this some sort of huge charade that he was playing out as part of being a false self, or does it run a little deeper and is it that a spiritual narc is a person highly conscious of their life’s purpose, to “toughen people up” (or abuse people) so that people will evolve into their highest selves? He seemed deeply satisfied and consciously aware that after delivering one of his bulls-eye insults that cut you to the core, that he was somehow fulfilling his purpose. (Incidentally his name which I won’t write here means “plunderer” or “spear-like” which he was proud of) So, is the spiritual narc consciously and purposefully trying to fulfill their part of the bargain within that soul contract?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 1, 2019

      Hi Joanne,

      Thank you and I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

      Joanne as I read this, I could never imagine the gracious benevolent Creator I believe in, as commissioning someone to brutally cut someone to the core with comments to toughen them up.

      I also cannot imagine a prophet going around announcing such a soul commission.

      I certainly understand that on a soul level we have certain characters in our life ‘divinely’ to heal aspects of ourselves… but in this case it certainly would not be to accept such malarkey. Rather to not allow someone to abuse you and to have bouundaries that say ‘I couldnt care less about your self professed God commission, this doesn’t feel loving and healthy to me and it is not my reality!’.

      As a young person, of course that is difficult.

      I think his real life results expose the truth, a delusional self on a hubris trip.

      Wholesome lifeforce and actions produce wholesome results. False self proclamations and lack of character inevitably will crack and the results dont stand the test of time.

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

    August 1, 2019

    Hello Melanie and fellow seekers on the path of healing,

    I am feeling very shaky and vulnerable and open.
    Today, I asked to meet a woman, someone I feel my ex is cultivating as his new relationship (meanwhile he is ‘back’ with his
    previous girlfriend).
    I feel sick to my stomach.

    I did feel this urgency to warn her about him. About his devious ways….about what a cheater he is…how sexually deviant he is….what a predator he is.

    Why did I do this?

    What was my motive?

    Had I wished someone would have come along and warned me about him before I dove in?
    And would I have listened?

    I have been so wounded by this isolation…and where women have been played against each other.


    I feel like I should have known better than to meet this woman today.

    I feel worse for having done so.

    I am in the NARP programme now.

    And I have been doing the work.

    And I cannot believe how deep this addiction is to this man…or like you suggest, the addiction I have to my body chemicals, the peptides.

    I can speak this all out.

    But my heart aches and my soul aches for to be free and to completely heal.

    Thank you for hearing me.

    I will do my best to be gentle with my self and continue to do the work.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 1, 2019

      Hi Sarah,

      Big hugs to you.

      Please be gentle with yourself dear lady.

      Please know we all took sideways steps and even backwards ones too.

      The gift in those times is to pull out usually Module 1, go inside to ‘what hurts’ lean in, load it up, release it out and go free from it.

      Then we heal beyond the drama/ trauma and it melts away.

      You’ve got this Sarah and please come into the NARP members forum for our love and support.

      You dont have to do this alone.

      Sending love and strength to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      Heidi Suremann
      September 6, 2019

      Hi, Sarah,
      I think the barf feeling comes from the thoughts about his sickness and behaviour. Even if your motives for meeting this woman weren’t 109% pure, you DID want to save another from suffering him. I have been in your shoes. Its disgusting to think of how we accept this cheater back and what he exposes us and his mistresses to. My boyfriend was having sex with men, also. Its terrifying to discover these things. I have learned that what he does is none of my business and involving myself that way is very unhealthy for me. Please focus on getting away from this man. You will need all your energy for your beautiful new life.
      Heidi S.

    August 3, 2019

    Thriver … Still Testing Externalities!

    Mel. Other peoples’ stories seem to be highly-extensive, but I saw all of my patterning sometime ago. It just took a while to realize – clear epigenetics and one’s own energetics/beliefs/Inner Child/and subconscious. Then, find a variety of way to embed new yet more empowering beliefs. Circumstances may vary but abuse is abuse. So when I left a marriage that clearly wasn’t working — after too long, I did precisely what you recommended. Went within. Am still tackling the work but 4 months later, I’m happy to report — there are no attacks occurring on the property. I’m no longer running to others in an effort to falsely commiserate. Just went within. Anytime I started to ask, “Why?” I said, “Self? We’re keeping these Q’s between ourselves, and we’re reprogramming it all as often as it needs to unfold.” Now, I say beautiful things to myself whenever I see my image in the mirror, as a way of reflecting back to myself all of the love the Creator holds for each and every one of us. Thank you, Dear! You saved my life at a time where no one else believed me. However, this is one truth that remained from within. When parting from the Narcissist, I told him that I had done nothing wrong.

    August 3, 2019

    I’m creating my awesome life, and you are not my reality.

    Viktoria Tröster
    August 25, 2019

    What can I do to overcome following: My narc. mother, with who I have little contact via whatsapp and very few phone calls, acts like everything is normal and fine and we are best friends and asks me too many intrusive questions. Of coutse I never reveal any personal or emptional information. But still I feel terribly uncomfortable. About all aspects of this situation. That I actually lie by withholding but have to protect me. That she doesnt get it that I feel uncomfortable. That she also never reveals any important information.
    Gosh so heavy to write about it. I promised to call her today. Its the birthday of my grandmother (her mother) who died 3 month ago. Very difficult triangle because I loved her and had easy contact to her, opposite of my ever critizising and shaming mum.

      Heidi Suremann
      September 6, 2019

      I have found that my natural inclination is to be very honest and forthcoming with Everyone. This is Not in my best interest. A narcissistic person will use intimate information against you. I almost have to force myself to stop from sharing information, but I never regret Not Sharing once the conversation has ended and the impulse to share has passed. What you say can and will be used against you.

    October 27, 2019

    I am creating my awesome life and you are not my reality!

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