Melanie Tonia Evans

The Ego Loves Pain And It Doesn’t Want You To Heal

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 13
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Do you feel like your victim thoughts and emotional pain are all-consuming at times?

Can you come up with every reason NOT to do the inner work that you know you need to do?

I believe this is the work of our EGO.

Yet … is it true that our ego is an issue?

Don’t we really need a personal identity, an EGO, that is functional?

There are many different opinions and versions on this – but today I give you my version about ego – which is completely NOT watered down at all. (I’m not holding back.)

The information I am about to share with you is exactly the same stuff

I smacked myself between the eyes with (in a good way) that got me up and out of my pain and self-sabotaging patterns, into a more glorious recovery and way of living than I ever knew was possible.

And, it is my deepest wish that this Thriver TV episode will deliver the same results for you!

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that there is a ton of differing opinions about the ego, including that our ego identity is a good thing, and some people believe it’s necessary to have an ego to be self-actualised and successful in the world.

Most of us (my generation anyway) know the Skyhooks song ‘Ego is not a dirty word.’

Of course, I honour all theories, as I am merely here to share my own. I guess it all totally depends on what you identify as ‘ego’.

I’m going to give you my take on ‘ego’ today. What I believe our ego is, how it affects us and, even controversially, how I believe it enmeshes us with narcissists and how we are much happier, successful and effective human-beings living without it.

And how, if our ego is running our lives, the possibility of change, healing and evolution is virtually nil.

That statement right from the get-go may trigger something significantly within you. That’s okay, it’s to be expected. It’s what our ego does.

 

The Painful Ego Illusions

Let’s look at the ego as well as the trauma it creates.

This is how the ego (False Self) makes its manoeuvers. If you are feeling ‘no good’ ‘small’ and ‘empty’, it convinces you to go after a ‘feed’ from something outside of you to try to feel better.

Please know I am not judging you. These beliefs of needing something from the outside are a part of our programmed human condition. I used to have these beliefs firmly entrenched in my Inner Being, as so many of us have.

And because it was all we knew, and what our parents were programmed with as well, and what they demonstrated to us and continued to teach us, this was our ‘normal’. Without realising it we carried feelings of being defective and shameful at some level, and certainly, worthiness, deservedness and knowing we were loved and lovable as we were, was not the typical embodied curriculum.

From this state of inner emptiness, we felt we needed someone else ‘loving’ or ‘approving’ of us, or some sort of acquisition, lifestyle or acclaim in order to be okay and whole.  Yet, we may not have awakened to the truth that our neediness for fulfilment from the outside makes our lives dreadfully conditional and precarious.

If something doesn’t turn out as expected, then we remain empty, and we cling to people and situations trying to force them to be our source of the good stuff, that we can’t and don’t generate ourselves, so we can’t dare to risk losing them.

Your ego convinces you it has your best interests at heart, and it will secure for you what you need to survive. However, what is really happening is it keeps you disconnected from durable happiness and wholeness, as well as covertly, behind the scenes, generating disturbing, painful and transient events in your life continuously.

And as we go through this video, I will explain how it does this.

Yep, it truly is that sneaky.

No different to cigarettes convincing you they are your friend helping you calm down and feel more secure, even though they are destroying you.

Or narcissists making out they are exactly what you have been dreaming of, but are your worst nightmare instead.

And, because relief through obtaining the things that our ego tells us we need to go after and rely on, is transient and constantly under threat, we are very prone to engage in other acts of neediness, namely addictions.

The problem is, because of the Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without,’ hungry, empty people make the worst shoppers, they pick junk. If we have not discovered how to become our True Self, instead of allowing our False Egoic Self to run our lives, we are very prone to choosing unhealthy substances, people and habits to try to fill a hole that can never be filled with False Sources.

Another of the most self-destructive ego beliefs that harm us is: ‘You are NOT as how God/Source/Creation views you – truly loved and worthy beyond measure, simply because you exist’.

Your ego is a product of how mankind programmed you to be stuck in petty lower vibrational realities. The ego believes in defectiveness and scarcity and separateness from Source, that Life is hard, and that you must prove yourself and your worthiness, and fight to get your share, and there is not enough love and support to go around.

The ego purports, ‘If I don’t get (whatever it is) from (whoever it is), someone else will take what’s mine’.

Then, due to Quantum Law ‘so within, so without,’ the Life that you are creating as your self-generative reality supplies the evidence to convince you that your ego is right which entrenches you in its hold even more.

 

The Ego’s Food Source

In the context of my belief about ego, I call it a False Self. Your ego is your Painbody. It’s the internal narcissist addicted to pain and pushing you to go for more pain. Your ego is your self-saboteur.

These three visionary’s commentaries regarding the ego come to mind. The late and amazing Wayne Dyer termed the acronym EGO as ‘edging god out’, Eckhart Tolle talked in length about the Ego Self as ‘the Painbody’ in his famous book ‘The Power of Now’, and Paul Levy wrote his incredible book ‘Wetiko’ which is about the human psychic virus (the ego) that is destroying mankind.

I align with all these theories. ‘Wetiko’ especially made me really sit up and take notice. I even wrote a blog post about this book it moved me so much.

Wetiko is the illusion of denying, ‘I am responsible for my own personal experience’ which as we know with narcissists, they certainly aren’t. Their egoic defenses are so formidable that according to the narcissist their reactions, behaviour and life is always someone else’s fault and doing.

As victims of narcissistic abuse, caught in the trauma of narcissists lashing out and hurting us, we need to be aware that we can be struck down with the identical virus. This happens if we choose to keep the unspeakable trauma of abuse trapped within us, hang on to it and hold others responsible for it, rather than devoting to healing ourselves from it.

This is the disease of ego unconsciousness where healing, change, and evolution for us and our future generations becomes impossible. Then the disease infects more and more people that we also contaminate.

Perpetrators and victims both do this. Check out this resource of mine to see how this is so: The Narcissist And The Co-dependent – Two Sides Of The Same Coin. 

We may not realise that the cells in our body get physically addicted to our pain (trauma). Check out this resource of mine to find out more about this: What It Means To Be Addicted to A Narcissist And How To Break Free From It.

That is the ego getting its way and continuing to lead us down a path that supplies it with its egoic supply – more pain.

This is no different to the traps and turns that narcissists take us down to get their drug of choice, narcissistic supply.

 

True Source Versus Egoic Source

Let’s look at the goal point which is being an actualised, healthy, happy, successful human being. The greatest component I believe to be this person is to be tapped in and tuned into something bigger than yourself.

Please don’t confuse this as a religious concept because my statement of this is not denominational. What I mean by this is being connected to our Higher Self, which is whatever version a Higher Power is to you. You may call this God, Creation, Lifeforce, The Universe, or Your Superconscious. To me this is the force of Higher Consciousness that moves through everything, granting it life and form.

This Higher Consciousness can ‘create’ and ‘arrange’ Life in symphonic perfection, ways that our logical mind can’t even formulate let alone execute.

When we have enough of our fearful and needy ego out of the way, we have space for this Lifeforce, this Higher Power, to enter us. This is when we start getting flourished and nourished beyond our wildest dreams, as well as enter a consciousness that is organically wise, aligned and ‘knowing’ of a bigger picture than our previous limited and fearful self couldn’t assimilate.

We know if we are aligned because it feels so good and the pain and fear goes and is replaced with peace. From this place we are guided and supported in ways we never knew before, leading to the divine birthright of wholeness and truth that was always ours to have.

How do you become actualised as this Bigger more expanded True Self? By clearing and living free of enough trauma that the True Source, this Higher Power, can flow through you as you. When you are no longer trying to change outside circumstances, and instead release the trauma generating your fears and limitations from inside of you, then you have a whole heap of available energy no longer tied up in survival, that is free now for inspired creation.

Inspired creation means The Field (The Outer Universe connected to your Inner Universe) is on your side. Not only are you directed through inspirational and intuition to the realisation of your expansiveness, you also have Life itself meet you with opportunity, abundance, and miracle.

All of it is connected.

In the egoic self, trying to control things logically, you are snapped off from inspiration and intuition, and the Field is not responding favourably to you. Opportunity doesn’t come, more trauma masquerading as solutions do instead.

 

How Your Ego Stops You Healing

The ego knows that it gets to keep you in pain and running the show if you never release the inner painful egoic beliefs. These painful false beliefs are the smaller, vulnerable, hurt inner parts of you that believed you were never good enough, and unworthy or undeserving, just as yourself, and that you are unsupported and on your own.

Here you have in a nutshell the programmed ‘shame’ of being human.

You know when someone is taken over by their ego – their ego viciously defends these inner, vulnerable parts. The ego would rather leave or annihilate anyone who goes near them than risk them being found, healed and reinstated.

Why? Because if they are, the ego can’t survive within a terrain of ‘healed to wholeness’ peace, love and truth, no more than a destructive virus can survive within a clean, healthy environment.

The ego, to survive, needs to keep you trapped as the victim, looking outwards and making every reason you are hurting exclusively about something outside of you. Then you will fruitlessly try to demonise and change everything and everyone else, rather than work with the only entity you could EVER change and heal – yourself.

If you never go inside and heal and release yourself from your ego’s deadly hold on you, you can’t escape it.

 

What Happens When We Release Our Ego?

When we purposefully do the essential inner work to get out of our trauma and false beliefs, we are starving our ego of its food. As it starves, it loses power, and dissolves out of our experience, no different to a narcissist who we detach and heal from and stop feeding energy to.

As our ego dissolves, at first we feel like we are dying, because when we stop clinging, fearing, formulating and trying to control our life, and let go and let a Higher Power take over instead, it can be terrifying.

We feel like we are horribly unsafe and will be annihilated. We feel like we have lost ‘our self’, yet the ego was an imposter, it was never our True Self anyway.

 

What Happens When We Live Without Our Ego and Are Connected To True Source

The more we dissolve our ego, the more we start to feel the truth that was always coded into our DNA – it is just we were all trained out of it.

We get real and start to live authentically without fear.

We hold within us peacefulness and powerfulness simultaneously.

We have access to a higher consciousness of intuition, wisdom, synchronicity, and miracle which are all gateways to assistance and support from The Field that we didn’t have previously.

We connect to the abundant, fertile, soul-gratifying trajectories and missions that we were snapped off from previously.

We are free to enjoy processes and the journey without being needy on outcomes. We are open to The Field delivering in ways that far exceed our expectations, or capacity to create … and it does.

We are connected to the self-responsibility at True Source level which is the checking into, understanding and working on our Inner Universe in order to harness our Highest Potential within and without.

Mostly, I believe, as the greatest personal joy I have ever discovered to live this way is: we are free to be ourselves, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing. It’s then that we find that the love and acceptance from Life and others reflected the love and acceptance that we have established within all along.

We thought that we were always having to defeat people and things outside of ourselves to survive and be happy and fulfilled, yet this was the greatest illusion of all. We were merely and magnificently having to learn to overcome ourselves, those parts of us keeping us separated from our True Self and our True Life – namely the internal narcissist, our ego.

If this deeply resonates, and you know that your ego has a hold on you, and you have had enough of going around the same painful cycles over and over, including narcissistic abuse which is a terrible addiction that our ego loves us to be ensnared in, then I’d love to hold your hand and help you break free.

The starting point is here: signing up to my 16-day free course, which has a ton of healing resources for you that will lead you up and out of the ego illusion and into your True Self and True Life.

And … I’d love you to share with me what you believe about ego and what your experience is with it below.

 

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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61 Thoughts on The Ego Loves Pain And It Doesn’t Want You To Heal
  • katherinajbilko@gmail.com'
    Katherina
    January 24, 2019

    Dearest Melanie,

    You are truly a blessing from God! I’ll be forever grateful for stumbling across one of your videos on facebook through our dear mutual friend Simone.

    Together, as a thriving community, I do believe we can overcome the world and everything and anything is possible with God. You have opened my eyes and conscious to something huge.

    The answer to true healing, abundance, fullness, love and joy was in me all along but while simply surviving, and clinging to toxic people, how could I possibly thrive? I was stuck in what felt like a foul, muddy swamp making the same mistakes over and over and over again – for 49 years! THANK YOU!!!! I LOVE your work! Goodness prevails. Much love to you ❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Awww Katerina,

      How special that we are both blessed with Simone in our lives!

      I love that this resonates deeply with you, and that you are aligned with the Thriver Way to heal.

      Many continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕🦋

  • philippekurandy@gmail.com'
    Philippe Kurandy
    January 24, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Thanks for the explanation of the ego.
    It’s a very practical down to the nitty gritty and it’s obvious that now we have the ability to restructure our original DNA, and reclaim our True State. “How Wonderfull !!!!!!!!”

    When I first encountered Indue Philosophy, the basic explanation was: “You are not the body, you are not the mind, You are the Eternal the Infinite the Absolute, keep that in your mind and meditate on it, you will know your true nature and become free”. This advice was given to NissarGadatta Maharaj by his Guru at the age of 19 when he was seeking the Truth, I found this information in in a book called “I Am That” which is a transcript of talks given by Nissar Gadatta Maharaj.
    I mention this because having experienced an egoless state, although temporary it kept me searching for more.
    I put this information to use in the 1990’s and it had a big influence on me over the years and I often thought that I had got rid of that inner part of myself ,the ego, that kept me from living as the True Higher Self. However I would keep struggling with the ego and it was similar with all other philosophies I would investigate and practice in the hope of release. The ego hung on!!!!!!!
    I have found that most religions and philosophies originated from the East and and it seems that today the blend of Western (trauma) and Eastern thought is creating a universal form of release or awakening, our evolution, and you are in the forefront of this work.
    It’s very exiting, I have experienced much release just 20 days since I started the Quantum Healing program you have put together. I have also taken more notice of these valuable triggers that exposes the ego and carry us on the healing journey.
    I feel now that I have Hope, thank’s to you Melanie, to complete my life journey and reach the Goal I set at the age of 14: to live ” As a Fully Functional Free Loving Human Being” as we all should.
    Philippe

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Hi Phillips,

      You have articulated so perfectly the problem that so many of us previously had – without actual trauma release it was such a battle to reach durable peace and wholeness.

      I love that NARP is delivering you to be trauma free and know you are coming home to you without ego interference.

      Then there is nothing to give up, just beauty, grace and wellbeing to be had.

      Thrive On Phillipe and much love and expansion to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • claytonruth@rocketmail.com'
    rose
    January 24, 2019

    This is sooooooo perfect right now. Having recently been largely cut out of my father’s large estate, and having my ex’s alimony 6 months behind, I have been walking around, heavy and in pain, and feeling my survival fears kicked up like mad. It takes my eyes off my own empowerment and capacity to be the key generator of my life. I spend time looking to friends to support and encourage me, because I can hardly stand the pain of my situation. I loose sight of my own capacity to expand, and be inspired. It is a tug of war inside. These false beliefs seek to crush the ground I have taken, and before I know it, I am down the nasty dark hole. The good news is, all day long, I have been seeking God through prayer, and working to rise up, and out of the mud. Releasing the ego is exactly what I have been trying to do today. But hearing this, has offered the very clarity I needed to keep starving the meanings I give to how others are treating me, but bigger than even the that, is the goal of starving the meanings that not only keep me stuck in pain, but stuck in my ability to create my life! I can see now, that it is only me, that can make that choice. Regardless of what is happening around me. Yes, this deeply resonates, the cycles have gone on for as long as I can remember. I want to break free, yes it is time.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Awww Rose,

      I am so happy that this has helped grant you peace and clarity and the way out!

      Sending blessings and love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Shelleyhudson1958@gmail.com'
    Shelley Hudson
    January 24, 2019

    I think that ego can control us. I have been most of my life. I am be coming aware of my addictions. On one of my addiction i let go of today and it feels really good. I set a goal to contunie no matter what i have to go through. I will get through this course.. I am excited to learn more. Thank you. Shelley Hudson

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Hi Shelley,

      I’m so pleased this resonates and helps!

      Happy and powerful healing to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • toz79@hotmail.co.uk'
    Roz
    January 24, 2019

    Thank you so much Melanie, the link to this video appeared in my inbox just when I most needed it. I have been doing your NARP healing for almost a year. I have already seen great results but with each step forward I then plunge back down to the depths, fighting my ego which as you say is my internal narcissist! I feel better already and ready to let go again of all the pressing issues in my life that stop me from giving myself time to heal. I recommend you to a lot of people! Thank you for helping so many.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Hi Roz,

      I’m so pleased this was timely for you and has renewed your mission of healing you.

      Thank you for your lovely words and please know how welcome you are.

      Sending Blessings, love and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • toz79@hotmail.co.uk'
    Roz
    January 24, 2019

    Thank you so much Melanie, the link to this video appeared in my inbox just when I most needed it. I have been doing your NARP healing for almost a year. I have already seen great results but with each step forward I then plunge back down to the depths, fighting my ego which as you say is my internal narcissist! I feel better already and ready to let go again of all the pressing issues in my life that stop me from giving myself time to heal. I recommend you to a lot of people! Thank you for helping so many and making the world a better place.

  • Mflex1973@gmail.com'
    Mike
    January 24, 2019

    Melanie,
    Thank you sooo much I needed to see this. I’ve been following you on instagram and receiving emails from you since I got out of my horrible situation. You have really helped me out and I’m doing much better. Lately I have seriously been asking myself why does my mind constantly keep making me sad. I’ve spent many nights bawling like a baby not understanding why I can’t snap out of it. This video really hit home and helped me understand that’s my ego. Thank you so much. Much love!!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 24, 2019

      Hi Mike,

      You are so welcome and I’m so pleased this has helped you!

      Sending healing and breakthrough to you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Kari.Isbell@Century21.com'
    Kari
    January 24, 2019

    Right on the money, I needed this, it did resonate. I have done NARP and the Empowered modules. The difference in my life is truly remarkable!! I can tell you from the experience of losing my ego for a short period of time after I had a near death experience years ago, that your program has helped me bring it back and maintain it for a sustainable period of time. I agree with you that the ego is not only unnecessary but creates massive damage…look around you. I don’t have words for how grateful I am!!

  • marilynbeckett@gmail.com'
    Em
    January 24, 2019

    I know the truth in what you say, Mel. However, for me it was my lack of ego that made me perfect prey. Though I lied to myself about the narcissist’s true nature, I did not want the pain he brought to me and detest victim status. I understand the addiction, and now years down the road am finding the joy I carried before this person entered my life. Creating boundaries with others and sharing my energy with those who show integrity of character, greatly appreciating them, and solitude, when I find it. I learned many years before to “wave the white flag” to “Source”. Sometimes that will take you on a journey with a narcissist. May you be resilient in knowing the characteristics and tactics of a narcissist, and trusting in the good. ❤️

  • temata42@hotmail.com'
    Jacqueline
    January 24, 2019

    I was in a student group discussion many years ago with the tutor (at a Waldorf teacher training course) about the ‘lower and higher ego’. It was easy enough to find examples of what was called the ‘lower ego’ but nobody could really ‘put their finger’ on what exactly was the ‘higher ego’ …. I think if we would have had you in our group at the time – or even this video – it couldn’t have been explained any better. Thank you 💜

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Awww Jacqueline,

      Thank you for your lovely words.

      Many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angieparsons992@gmail.com'
    Angie P
    January 24, 2019

    Thank you Mel, this is so true . I think it is a good thing to remember that the process of the ego ‘dying’ can be a very painful one. I was looking at something by Robert Ohotto who works with Carolyn Myss who said that the old ‘self’ has to die to make space for the new one to emerge. I like to keep this in mind when going through a particularly painful times.

    Facing the trauma and pain as we know has to be done and each difficult phase I go through results in a significant change in myself.

    As you say coming out of victimhood gives miraculous results and is essential to recovery.

    Thanks again and wrap up warm when you come to London – I think there might be a slight difference in temperature to where you are now 😁

    Much love

    Angie P xx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Angie P,

      It really is true, that our greatest growth comes from the ability to let go and go through these deaths in order to rebirth Who We Really Are underneath the False Self.

      It’s painful but incredible liberating, and far less painful than living as the False Self.

      I do believe it is going to be so cold there! We are in a heat wave at the moment, which I adore! It’s going to be quite a shock.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    January 24, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    Wow there is so much to this video.
    You have encapsulated a paradigm of body, mind and spirit in a very comprehensive way.
    From the depths of the abuse of narcissistic abuse to the realms of the divine connection and everything in between.
    I hear you.

    I had a divine experience in 1980 in spiritual practice and a voice in my head said very clearly ‘ that did not happen”.
    I believed it despite my experience.
    Little did I know or understand the ego.

    Its only now coming to NARP and having moduled the programme over the last 6 months that I am for the first time beginning to experience and understand that i am not my ego but because I was enmeshed and codependent on a NPD mother despite all the healing work and spiritual work over the last 35 years, it is only now that it is dawning on me and I am beginning to recognise my fearful, tortuous, painful, scarcity and poverty consciousness ego separate from my peace, my inner beingness.
    I am still healing the effects of narcissistic abuse and understanding it but because of all that I have done in my life, trauma healing, acupuncture, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, positive affirmations, EFT and lots more healing modalities, I can trully understand what you are saying even though I am not fully there yet.

    What you have done Melanie is incredible at this time and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to begin my journey of being the person who I was meant to be without all the fear and pain.
    You are a great teacher.

    With love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Reena,

      I love how your conceptual mind, with enough shifts is now joining the wisdom of your soul.

      You are ‘always there’ Reena … it’s just as trauma leaves you are re-membering.

      It’s my pleasure Reena and thank you for being a beautiful teachable student!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • marialowe82@hotmail.com'
    Maria Lowe
    January 24, 2019

    Dear Melanie
    I’m so happy that I found you and Quanta Freedom Healing only 16 days ago and my life has completely turned around!! After 25 years with this narc and dedicating the last five to self healing finally saying it’s over in December, I was in so much pain but the pain of staying far out weighed the pain of change and then I found YOU!! I can’t tell you how different I feel after using your program for just 16 days.
    I still have to have daily contact but I don’t get triggered!!! He still plays the same games but they don’t have any hold on me. I have healed so many inner wounds now all I see is how hurt and pathetic he is.
    Everything you say is true and I have been working on all of it but the real healer is the QFH. I asked Creator for help and he sent me you and your program. I had learnt that I am the creator of my reality but nothing made that so very clear to me as this healing. When I found all the guilt and shame and unworthiness and healed it I saw exactly the reality I was creating for myself and why. I realized I had no boundaries and I have multiple people in my life that treat me badly!!
    I no longer need to look for love in all the wrong places. In fact I don’t need to look anywhere but inside myself. 16 days ago it took days to get over an ‘attack’ now I’m barely triggered and can center myself with in minutes. I catch myself very quickly when I start looping on the past. I have tools OMG I can soak in the tub for hours for the first time in my life (I like doing the QFH in the bath)
    Magic is happening in my life you wouldn’t believe!!!
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
    Maria Shimmering Water

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Maria,

      Ohhh Dear Lady I am so pleased you are soooo ready to heal and have NARP.

      It is like winning lotto when finally we have ‘the tool’ that gets the trauma out!

      I remember when I first channeled Quanta Freedom Healing that I was over the moon with Joy about being able to put an end to the pain!

      I’m so thrilled for you that you are having this experience.

      Bathing and Module work is divine!

      So many continued glorious uplevels to you Maria!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    Lorraine Wilcock
    January 25, 2019

    A heartfelt thank you Melanie. ..x

  • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
    Robin
    January 25, 2019

    Hello Mel !

    Like the others who have commented, I SO SO SO SO SO needed this RIGHT NOW! Why is it that we can do some healing and be getting along well and then “SLAM!” … like one person said, we’re down in that nasty, dark hole again? This month especially has been a nightmare. So many things going on around the world … here in the US we currently have a real situation as well and the weather is dreadful, etc. Personally, I recently had a phone conversation with a family member who doesn’t mean to be, but is in a way an energy vampire and had nothing but doom and gloom to share. We are on good terms but don’t speak often and that call reminded WHY I can’t speak with them but rarely! The call drained me and then after that it seemed as if I was just getting more and more of the same “message” from other places. I did do QFH and was better but I have just felt this really strong “hold” on me and haven’t been able to shake it. Thank you for this very timely message and for everyone else who has commented because this is so insidious. I must be ruthless going forward to do as much QFH as possible because that EGO will make you believe the lie! The lie that the pain is the truth! Thus, getting caught up in the relentless spinning of the FEAR and it just won’t let go! My mind has been running away with me … all negative stuff. I appreciate what the others have shared because reading their comments has helped to shake me awake, in a way, that I’m not alone … it’s not just me … it’s not REAL. Any other help, comments, advice …………. PLEASE share as I need all the support I can get. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Robin,

      First of all please know there has been very powerful eclipse energy, bringing very dark buried parts up to the surface to be healed.

      This can feel like rubbish when it happens, but it truly is glorious! If we stay out of the ‘stinking thinking’ (oh yes our ego loves this because it gets such a feed) and instead meet the trauma and release it with QFH, then we get to live free into the next Highest Truest version of ourselves.

      The bigger the ‘breakdown’ the more magnificent the breakthrough. These things come up to hit us because we can’t go forward into our True Self trajectory any further until we unpack the trauma.

      Two weeks ago I spent days, every morning and evening unpacking an old trauma that erupted.

      I know the drill ‘there is nothing else to do’.

      How do I feel as a result? Like I always do … incredible!

      You’ve got this Robin … back into the trenches, and then you’ll come out even more shiny and new.

      Also please lean into the NARP Forum for loving support and kick arse shift strategies if you need.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      You don’t have to do this alone.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
        Robin
        January 29, 2019

        Thank you Mel! I AM leaning into the forum and SO appreciative of the support! Is there a place on the MTE site which expounds on “eclipse energy”? I understand what an eclipse is, of course … do I just envision it in the way of an energy field and how does it occur? Thank you! I hope your travels are going really well! Hugs and love back!!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          January 29, 2019

          Hi Robin,

          It’s my pleasure, and I’m so pleased that you are feeling lovely support there!

          Here is a website with great monthly energy reports that will help! https://thepowerpath.com/

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

          • ttn@va.metrocast.net'
            Robin Willman
            January 29, 2019

            Thank you! 🙂

  • simms.r@att.net'
    Robert Simms
    January 25, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    Thank you for these true blessings that you have shared—yourself, your voice, your videos. As someone who has climbed the highest of ego mountains, and suffered the pains of physical and emotional trauma, I subscribe to the theory that love is perhaps the only thing that provides a lasting healing, and that our egos behave in exactly the ways that you have described. My mountains did prepare me for contact with others who need the help that you offer, including me, and my healing has included many sources, for which I am most grateful. I am still doing the work, as I have more healing to go, and, again, thank you!

  • juliareynamarbella@gmail.com'
    julia
    January 25, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    I am really appreciating the information you share and already it has had an impact on my perception of myself, life and how I deal with it! I feel calmer and more in control and have a sense of solid self which i did´nt have before! All this whilst going through numerous court battles with my soon to be ex Narc who is desperately trying to keep his hold on me via Legal Abuse! Do you have any articles on coping with someone who is using the legal system as a tool to continue their sick twisted littles games! Many thanks and much love, Juliax

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Julia,

      I am so pleased my information is helping.

      Julia if you google my name and any of these topics that you need help with, you will find a lot of resources I have created on them.

      Are you doing NARP? That is the greatest defence legally, many members have received incredible and unprecedented wins as a result of working with Quanta Freedom Healing http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
    Violet Spectre
    January 25, 2019

    Wow Mel! Just Wow! Of all the valuable resources you have granted us … this is truly a remarkable one. Thanks Quantum Guru!
    Much Much love!
    xoxoxxoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Mwah Violet sweetheart.

      After eclipse shifts my beautiful channel had even more room to move.

      I was thrilled with this information also.

      So much love to you as always.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • brewer.asha67@gmail.com'
    Asha
    January 25, 2019

    Mel, this is some nitty-gritty-right-down-to-it information. This may be a little difficult for someone still stuck in a disempowered state to hear, but when you speak in this way, you’re talking to their spirit, not their wounds and I applaud you for having the ability to communicate tough subjects with both firm and gentle energy. I believe that once people get to the place where they understand that it’s possible to experience pain WITHOUT that pain distorting our reality, we can get on with the business of just excepting that we are human beings having human experiences and spiritual beings having spiritual experiences and we can either use those experiences to elevate ourselves or keep us down. And I don’t mean “down” in a negative way. I’ve noticed that sometimes I just need to stop, rest, and rejuvenate.

    Thank you again, for all that you do.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Asha,

      Dear soul sister thank you for your beautiful words.

      You too have this gift! I love reading your posts here. Thank you for being you.

      Big love and blessings.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • adamslynn89@yahoo.com'
    lynn
    January 25, 2019

    Wow, what an eye opener. Melanie you have helped me so much. I read and share your amazing information and the world would be such a better place if everyone learned about Quantum Healing. I have one question though; if you have an EGO that is an “Internal Narcissist” does that mean that you are a Narcissist? I am a little confused on that issue only.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Lynn,

      Please know you are very welcome and I’m so pleased I can help!

      Oh gosh no Lyn, this doesn’t mean me are a narcissist at all! We all have internal darkness that we are here to evolve through, to anchor in light for ourselves and the collective.

      If we are doing that we are Angels in Mission.

      Even those who are narcissists are AIDs
      choosing not to evolve personally, but hitting others so hard with darkness that they are forced to go for the light within themselves.

      Does this help?

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • teresaleclercq@hotmail.com'
    Teresa
    January 25, 2019

    So, so, so helpful.
    Your words give me “permission,” or more so the direction to be strong in my own weakness, to know that I don’t have to be so defensive.
    It makes others’ cruelness also much more clear; it makes it so that the focus is on “seeing” their ego-pain, versus internalizing that cruelty.
    I was able to take notes and put things into a paragraph and pass it along to someone else.
    I listened a few times this morning – I’m realizing that is a powerful way I learn…. listen, listen, listen, take notes, try it out.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Teresa,

      I’m so glad this melted away some illusions for you and left you with the peace of truth.

      The truth really does set us free.

      Continued blessings and breakthroughs to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • penny.white@outlook.com'
    Penny
    January 25, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Oh goodness does this relate to myself as well and I have been living in the dynamics of my ego since escaping narcissistic abuse and the funny thing is after I got out and the trauma and injustices had time to surface my ego really started to rear its ugly head and I experienced severe anger, vengeful feelings and my childhood trauma surfaced at that point in time as well which I have been managing to live with but with no relief. Now at 42 after losing it all that kept my happy mask alive (dream career, studio apartment, ideal lifestyle etc) I have finally woken up to my ego and even after losing my mother to cancer and sabotaging a possibly great relationship by rejecting a kind man thanks to my ego defences – I get it. It really does stop me from going inside, healing, claiming and owning my pain and keeps me in my head trying to cognitively work things out by doing more thinking or trying to think of a way to change the programs with dual awareness which does not work. I don’t think the mind can think about different behaviours when you’re in trauma and the ego because learning through the mind teaching new behaviour it again a battlefield which has kept me stuck and it sabotaged an amazing love opportunity some time ago well after my narcissistic experience. I clung to feeling not good enough and worthy and did not love myself at all because I needed to be more to be loveable and likeable and attractive – isn’t this self abuse. I have run out of excuses now Mel and I have hit a dead end in life and my life on the outside is dead set proof of it and I even feel I have been deliberately placed in the situation I am in because as part of my wake up call it’s saying please heal for real. I have had a lot of people judge me saying things like you shouldn’t be talking about this you should be over it etc but I can see the powerlessness in this way of living in the ego it creates painful experiences as a lack of self-ownership and self-validation and love through the divine connection of our higher selves. Thank you for the wake up blog……..

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 25, 2019

      Hi Penny,

      I’m so pleased you see it, and I promise you when you turn inwards, start Self-partnering and do the work …

      That’s when it will all unlock for you! It’s like taking the ‘other pill’ and stepping into a whole new universe where there is solution, and it all starts to work!

      The first step is here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse and then make sure you come into my free workshop http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where the ego blocks start to release immediately.

      Blessings to you Dear Lady. It is your time.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • roma4amor@gmail.com'
    deannafj
    January 26, 2019

    Hi Mel!
    Applause….applause…applause…standing ovation…cheering 🙂
    This is BRILLIANT!!!!!
    I have heard all these concepts for a long time BUT your explaination here is the BEST and MOST BRILLIANT YET. You make it SO CLEAR how all the dots connect…
    I love your shopper/junk food analogy. It is spot on.
    I also love how you compare and contrast with regard to SOURCE re: our True Source vs. our False Source and culminate it with the “duality” of INSPIRED CREATION.
    I love how you CONNECT the concept of Inner and Outer Universes citing the Outer Universe as being a FIELD that “flows THROUGH you AS you”. This is the BEST and clearest explanation EVER (and I have read A LOT, been to 12-step meetings, been to counseling of various kinds, and have listened to a MULTITUDE of spiritual leaders with a variety of spiritual/religious approaches, etc. etc.) of the “God Within”.
    I remember the video you did on Weitko. I’m glad you brought it up again. The concept of “psychic virus” NAILS it. We are so accustomed to only thinking of viruses as only affecting us either biologically or digitally in our computers/cell phones. But the reality is that viruses exist in other forms. They DO affect us energetically and psychically as well as in any of the other forementioned forms just by being in proximity to them. Remember that beautiful video by Bruce Lipton where he puts a vibrating tuning fork in proximity to a second immobile tuning fork? And then the second tuning fork automatically begins to vibrate at the same frequency as the first tuning fork without needing to be physically struck by it? We, as humans, tend to think that what is true in non-interpersonal physics doesn’t apply to us. However, it most certainly DOES…
    All of this takes me full circle to your recent underlying theme of EMPOWERMENT. In all of this the GOOD NEWS is that WE have the POWER to co-create our life with our True Source. The GOOD NEWS is that we are NOT stuck having to rely on false sources where we are only like puppets on a string doing a terrible and painful dance under the control of someone else.
    Breaking free of the puppet strings and OWNING my power and SOVREIGNTY is my new modus operandi. I’ve been working on it for a while actually. However, up until now I have felt like Dorothy walking the yellow brick road searching for the Great and Powerful Oz (outside of herself) to get her home. I am finally realizing that the POWER has been IN ME all along–regardless of what anyone else is doing. And let’s face it, who doesn’t appreciate a new glitzy pair of shoes to cinch the deal!?!?!? LOL!

    Thanks again for being YOU and sharing YOU with us.
    Much love,
    Deanna

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 26, 2019

      Hi Deanna,

      Thank you for your beautiful words, and I’m so pleased this one hit home for you.

      It’s a joy to share the delighting in evolution together. We are so blessed!

      Bring on self actualisation and those glitzy shoes darling woman.

      Big love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • annieharden@optusnet.com.au'
    Annie
    January 26, 2019

    Dearest Mel,

    AS always your blog posts are so pertinent to what I am challenged with and this was an injection of support for me to continue my modules to shift out the stuck EGO thinking. And now I also realise why I was feeling so yucky this week with the eclipse magnifying my pain and trauma.! NARP has helped me immensely over the past few years and my biggest block has been the EGO resistance!!!

    This morning after listening to your video blog and enjoying Tiggy’s wonderful ability to relax (he has the best life), I shifted so much of my old stuck EGO thinking and probably for the first time connected with my little Annie – boy is she annoyed that I am not “there” for her. This is my big pain – feeling very alone in the world where everyone elses’ needs were/are more important than mine. Today she really connected and helped me see how I haven’t been there for ME in life… I busy myself so much with life and her biggest “gripe” was me “multitasking” whilst moduling instead of just being there completely – another way EGO tried to stop me focusing and connecting I am sure. And I really understood how today in this world we are all stuck on our phones/flat screens, ignoring our children and ourselves and it creates more pain and trauma.

    Still more to shift but thank you, thank you, thank you. Even though I “intellectually” know all this it is very different embodying it and your posts just support me to keep going and release. We all need each other to give us that motivation sometimes and today you helped immeasurably.

    Your work is such a gift to the planet.
    Much love
    Annie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 26, 2019

      Hi Annie,

      I’m so happy we are in synch!

      The eclipses have totally brought a lot of ego traumas up to be released … absolutely!

      I’m so happy for you that you were able to connect with Little Annie in this way.

      Oh gosh yes the ego gives us every reason to be in ‘crisis consciousness’ and not just deeply be with ourselves.

      It is so true that until we can, we can’t be connected to flow and Life and others.

      It can be very powerful to target ‘the traumas not allowing me to just be’ and clear them Annie.

      This was profoundly life changing for me.

      Huge kudos in how well you are doing and much love to you.

      Thank you for your lovely comments and support.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • bigbenx1955@gmail.com'
    Fran
    January 27, 2019

    Thank you as always for helping me understand what I must do to get on wth my life . Without your blogs to listen to and work on myself, I would not have got this far and enjoyed so many great things this world has to offer .many thanks keep up the good work . Frances

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 27, 2019

      Hi Frances,

      It’s my pleasure and I’m so happy I can help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ficsfree@gmail.com'
    Fiona Campbell Stuart
    January 27, 2019

    Great article Melanie. I too found the Wetiko virus an interesting read, though I had a slightly different take on this prior to reading this. Nevertheless, it is clear the world is infected (and purposefully so) with a vein of self hatred that requires commercial answers as its salvation. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is ultimate peace in the self, whatever your ego would tell you brothers and sisters.

    Listen to Mel, she is here to make this profound message accessible. Love to you all, and yes, YOU CAN DO THIS, however much you believe you are trapped right now. Keep walking forward, keep believing. I did it, and you can too.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 27, 2019

      Hi Fiona,

      Thank you for your post and inspiring others.

      Sending blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nataliegeraerts4@gmail.com'
    nath
    January 28, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    I really love this episode. I notice that since I’m working with NARP that I’m much closer to my true self and I get less fooled by my ego.
    I’m more focused on my Self, not in an egoic way but connecting to the Higher self.
    Although sometimes I’m searching. Like in the case of my new job. It feels okay and colleagues are connecting in a way of mutual respect. So I’m happy with this 🙂 Now they want to put me on the website so that clients can find me but it’s still very new and the narc who’s in the same field will find out soon then. I feel like wanting to protect this new positive area by waiting to write my text for the website. Is this my ego withholding me from taking that step or is it my Higher self signaling me I need to be careful with this? The narc needs to pay my rent for a period and he tries to find out if I’m seeing clients…I want to take the step of course but I’m wondering is this the right time and is this the ego speaking or a wiser part?
    Much love and gratitude

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 29, 2019

      Hi Nath,

      I’m so pleased you are working with NARP and having wonderful breakthroughs.

      Regarding your question, which is a great one, my take on it is this … lose our fear and become our expanded True Delf.

      If we contract, we are in fear and keep hooking up that which we fear.

      Also truly as long as we ‘need’ a narcissist to be any source of anything to us, they have us hooked for narcissistic supply.

      I fully advocate instead becoming radiantly trusting and abundant in being our own Source directly with the unlimited avenues of life itself, regardless of what the narcissist does or doesn’t do.

      Then we are out of their web and free and they are truly powerless to affect us.

      Of course it is your choice, and my suggestion to you is to clear all that uncertainty that you feel about going public … with NARP Module work – and then your True Self will further direct you.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jenniforlife1@gmail.com'
    J. Mathew
    January 29, 2019

    This is lovely and insightful, as always. I just want to say, especially since you are awesomely open minded, want people to think for themselves, and promote individual learning journeys…First of all I am certainly no expert, having just my own insights, intuitions, observances, and some reading. But I just wanted to say I personally don’t think the ego is a pain body, saboteur, or false self, etc. I think it is a true self from infancy and early childhood. I think it is a sincere authentic self that could not work out reality properly with his/her limited understanding, was greatly wounded in a certain way (or more ways than one) and those parts are lodged in us like bullets. These experiences were very real to us as little ones, they were very painful, and we could not reason or figure things out properly and prevent self blame, self hatred, etc….As we get older those wounds do not mature and progress with the rest of our spirits, and so they end up holding us back, recycling pain, etc. I don’t think the ego is a weird, diabolical separate entity. I think it is simply our wounded parts that, like a toddler, strike out, hit back, grab satisfaction, etc. They are parts that remain like infants or very young children, stuck in their growth stunts. Those parts, being childlike and terrified or greatly hurt, have to have their hands held, so to speak, and be brought up to maturity, adulthood, acceptance, understanding, trust, release, and so on. When this is done, they have “caught up” with the adult parts of us and create cohesion, oneness, and harmony. Thank you, God bless you and your amazing work!! -J. Mathew

    • jenniforlife1@gmail.com'
      J. Mathew
      January 29, 2019

      P.S. I think rather than loving pain, those parts are just stuck and don’t know how to get out of it, so that’s what they live and do – pain. Once the pain is released, those little parts of ourselves are happy to move on. Peace!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      January 29, 2019

      Hi J Mathew,

      Thank you for your lovely comment.

      I partially and even mostly totally agree with you.

      I actually used to believe exactly what you do, just with a little tweak.

      When I discovered how to do inner healing with Quantum Tools what I found was the deeply hurt and damaged inner being / inner child who needs our healing and love to come back to wholeness, and the ego energy taking hostage of this inner child- by keeping us in defences, looking outwards, rather than going to our inner child to do the necessary inner work.

      They can be seen as one and the same … or not.

      It’s a little complicated, yet I created this article to explain.

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-difference-between-the-inner-child-and-the-ego/

      Sending many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Naomi.king@outlok.com'
    Naomi
    January 31, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you for your insightful post. I still have the peptide addiction and it really comes alive during moon cycles as it brings up the story of what went down and I find I am even hearing the narcissists torment voicing in my head and I hook in and regress back to a powerless victim without much choice. Even though I got away and escaped something rather horrific and I know that my childhood trauma and past experiences were a total match to allow my own ego to get influenced and re-enact trauma. During times when my ego surfaces even though I know the narcissist is a total false self and that everything that was said and done is ‘false’ I really do find it hard to get the abuse out of my head and the ways I had my voice silenced and had head beaten with his/her mental abuse which really caused me a lot of confusion, insanity, doubt and powerlessness to think they were right and I was wrong in my thinking and actions etc. God this must sound like a mess but that is what happens – this is what the ego does.

    Thanks
    Naomi

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angelique
    February 1, 2019

    Dear Mel,
    Thank you so much for this. It has really shed some light on what has been happening for me and why i got a bit stock. It’s really clicked for me where I can see what it’s doing rather than being blindly manipulated by it and it’s boosted my QFH no end. Your words are always truly inspired. Thank you. X

  • ficsfree@gmail.com'
    Fiona Campbell Stuart
    February 17, 2019

    Melanie

    I doubt if I would be here if it wasn’t for you. Love you to pieces.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 17, 2019

      Hi Fiona,

      I am so pleased I could help and much love to you too.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

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