Why Most People Never Recover From Abuse

There’s a big mistake that people make that really slows down their healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, which means that the trauma that’s being unattended to festers, expands and gets worse over time.

And distractions or trying to find something that’s going to stop the pain just doesn’t work in the long run.

This is a mistake that I made for many, many years until I figured out the right way to release the trauma that was slowing down my entire life.

In my latest Thriver TV episode I’ll share with you what your resurrection and rebirth can look like when you listen to your traumatized self as it screams out for you to turn inwards to heal it back to wholeness.

 

 

Video Transcript

I’m hoping today’s episode is going to be really enlightening for you because I’m going to be explaining to you the number one mistake that people make when they’re trying to heal and the scariest thing that you need to do to truly heal that most people will tell you never to do.

And also the quickest way to step onto your true path of healing and relief today no matter what state you’re in, how much trauma you’ve experienced and how hard you’ve tried to heal to date with no results.

So I just want to remind you before we get started to remember to hit the subscribe button if you haven’t already, and like this video if it resonates with you.

So buckle in and come on this ride with me. Let’s get started with the number one healing mistake that most people make, and it’s not their fault because this is what they’ve been told to do.

 

The Number One Healing Mistake Everyone Makes

It’s thinking that you can heal emotional trauma with your mind, with information, with researching everything that there is about narcissists and joining forums with victims and joining forums to talk about the narcissist and what they did and the war stories and how bad it’s been for you.

Also, joining forums and groups which are focused on survival and they’re further cementing that you’ve got PTSD and all of the horrible nasties that come with narcissistic abuse and just talking about how you can hope to manage your symptoms.

Because what this is doing, this is keeping you in a belief, still with the existing inner traumas, that mean that you’re going to have to only manage your traumas indefinitely. And I’ve said to people so many times trauma is like house work, unless you actually go in and clean it up and out, it’s just going to pile up and get worse for you.

That’s the mistake that so many people make and it’s one that I made for so many years, thinking that if I just learn more and I talk about it more and I share enough stories with people, and I get more of an understanding about narcissists, that somehow I’m going to get well. But that actually doesn’t happen.

What happens is the trauma that’s being unattended to festers, it expands, it gets more, it gets worse, and then you’re just trying to work out and find out more information to try and manage that trauma rather than actually turning inside and meeting it and healing it, which takes me on to point number two.

 

The Scariest Thing About Healing That Delivers You True Healing

And what this is about is the scariest thing about healing, which actually delivers you to true healing.

I want you to understand this expression, which is everything, “You cannot heal what you’re not prepared to feel.” You have to meet your emotional self, and you’ve been taught all of your life not to do that.

The message that we’ve had ever since we were little was, “Don’t think about it. Go do something else to take your mind off it.”

We’ve been taught to try to ask other people for our answers or learn something more, or do some distraction or find something that’s going to stop the pain from outside of ourselves. And what this really means is self-avoid, self-abandon and self-medicate, and we can do that in a variety of ways.

We may self-avoid the essential self-partnering, and this is what I used to do, I used to just work harder. I would just throw myself into a project, something so that I didn’t have to feel the pain.

Or maybe it can be too much social media or it could be shopping, or it could be alcohol. Cigarettes were another way that I used to self-avoid terminally to try to numb out the pain.

So this is all about avoiding our feelings, and one of the most horrible ways that we can avoid our feelings is by trying to make somebody or something else responsible for our feelings. So we’re triggered off into feelings of feeling unlovable and unsafe and not whole and not secure.

So we try often scarily to latch onto the abuser to try to fix them and change them, to give us those feelings of security and wholeness, which is a total false premise and it equals how to lose and worse than that, it enmeshes us deeper in a cycle of abuse than what we were before we even did that.

And we were told not to turn in and self-partner. We were told not to honour our feelings by our peers, our role models, our guardians, our parents, everybody. You may have even had a physician or a therapist who said to you, “Don’t face those feelings. You need to take drugs. You need to go have cognitive therapy – I don’t want you to feel your feelings.”

I really want you to understand the true definition of PTSD and complicated PTSD, which is what everybody has from narcissistic abuse. That trauma that is generating PTSD, I’m just going to be really honest with what I discovered and how I overcame it …

I recognized and realized it wasn’t about what somebody else had done to me. It was about me not turning inwards to heal myself to wholeness. That terror and that fear and that triggering and those flashbacks are because nobody’s showing up to hold your dear sweet Inner Being and child back to healing and wholeness.

So when we have PTSD, we’re waiting for somebody to come and you’re doing that, waiting for somebody to come and give you comfort and healing that you’re not as yet prepared to give to yourself because you’ve been told not to do that. And it’s about wanting somebody to come to heal your wounds for you when you’re actually the only person as an adult that can do that for yourself.

And this is exactly about the next point, which I’m going to share with you right now, which is how quickly to start getting true relief and healing.

 

How To Quickly Get True Relief And Healing

It starts with this understanding that there is a necessity to step out of the victimized self, which means holding somebody else responsible for your healing.

It starts by understanding that if the trauma is in my body, no matter how it got there, it’s mine. It’s MY trauma. And my traumatized self is calling out and screaming out for me to turn inwards to heal it back to wholeness.

And we may think that we’re going to make somebody else pay by staying a victim and not turning inwards to heal and free ourselves. But in fact, what you are doing by not turning inwards to heal yourself back to wholeness is you’re vindicating that person’s behaviour.

You’re actually saying, “It is OK to hurt me, traumatize and leave me as a traumatized being.”

We can’t make a sick person responsible for bringing you back to your healing and your wholeness, because they don’t even have the resources to do that for themselves, let alone you.

This is our self-partnering. This is our self-evolution. This is our self-resurrection. This is all about delivering you back to yourself. And when we take on that journey, not only do we release and resurrect ourselves, we actually declare null and void what that person did to you, because this is about, “I have the power and the ability to heal regardless of what you are or aren’t doing or what you are or have been.”

This is the true definition of freedom and we only get to that place by letting go of needing somebody else to fix it for you. And when you let go of that need, that’s the definition of taking your power back. That’s when you are totally dedicated to turning inside and picking up the true solutions and tools that can empower you to be able to have the last say.

And the last say is, “I am having an incredible and amazing life, regardless of what you did to me.” That happens when you make it all about YOUR healing and YOUR truth.

And I want you to understand that the greatest mission in your entire life, is to self-partner, come home to you and love and heal yourself back to the wholeness and the true actualization of your true self and your true life.

By doing that, you will realize how powerful you can be and the incredible creation that you can ignite within you and the freedom and the joy that you can start living as the soul entity that you really are.

 

Your Resurrection And Rebirth – Becoming The Phoenix

Now the thing is most people never take this journey.

Most people never get to experience this height of Thriving, not despite of what they’ve been through, but because of what they’ve been through – the Thriving of a resurrection and a rebirth of being the Phoenix.

A lotus comes out of the mud.

A Phoenix comes out of the ashes.

Your greatest light was born from your greatest darkness, and being a Phoenix is what you can be. That’s what I stand for and that’s what this whole entire community of Thriving stands for.

So if what I have said has ignited something cellularly as a truth within you, I want you to pause this video and I want you to write below, “I am ready to claim my inner Phoenix now,” and I want you to take a stand for it.

 

Conclusion

My greatest suggestion to you is to connect to my free 16-day course. It’s got a ton of resources to help you get clear and up and out of the pain and on the path of your true resurrection out of this. You can get started today by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

Please note, all of your details are secure. We take your privacy very, very seriously. Everything within this course is totally free and there is absolutely no obligation to any of my paid-for resources and you can unsubscribe at any time.

So you have nothing to lose. You have your healing to gain, and this could be the turning point of your entire life up and out of this abuse.

I hope that this has given you hope and also I so look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.