Melanie Tonia Evans

You Can’t Heal What You’re Afraid To Feel

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 29
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

We have all been so disconnected from FEELING our FEELINGS that we innately believe we should do everything possible to turn away from and avoid them.

The messages we believe are ‘Don’t think about it’, ‘Do something to distract yourself from it’, ‘Think nice or grateful thoughts instead’.

Yet negative emotions, beliefs and unconscious programs are like housework. If unattended they simply pile up and get worse.

It’s my greatest desire that you escape the LIES you have been told about avoiding your emotions forever, and you come home to the ONLY way to Heal for Real.

Because the truth is … it is impossible to recover from trauma unless we feel our feelings.

 

 

Video Transcript

I understand the terror of our feelings.

They can feel TOO big.

We may believe the intensity of painful feelings will take us OUT.

We may have the fear that if we get mired in them, we will not be able to function.

Maybe you believe that healing is going to take forever and that you have to go slowly because you are feeling too much intensity.

And then there are all the unconscious ways we don’t want to ‘feel our feelings’.

Ways such as sneaky, pesky, egoic excuses that distract us from the inner work. Or we may stay busy or zone out with food, alcohol, TV and social media.

The ways that we can avoid emotions and self-medicate and self-abandon our Inner Being are endless.

Today I want to get right down to the essential truths that no-one really has been telling us – apart from people who now understand the truth about trauma recovery.

And this truth is… That it is impossible to recover from trauma unless you feel your feelings.

I want to take you through this step-by-step: why we must feel our feelings as well as how to do it safely, lovingly and powerfully – regardless of how much you have suffered and been through.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now to begin…

 

Feeling Your Feelings Was Vital Even Before Abuse

I certainly didn’t know how important it was to be able to feel my feelings before my Thriver Recovery. In fact, I wasn’t even in my body, partnered with myself in any way. How was I to know this was not healthy when this was my ‘normal?’

I know it has been the same for many of you – living disassociated; not being housed emotionally in your body; looking outwards to life whilst being stuck in survival programs – rather than generating self-creation.

When we are attempting to live life from the outside in, trying to work out what everyone else is or isn’t being, so that we can somehow respond to that to survive – we are a reactor and victim of life.

Yet what we really need to be is a responder and creator of it.

Being a reactor to life equals ‘how to lose’ – every time.

Reacting to life means – ‘I will try to adapt me to become what is necessary to make you grant me what I need to feel safe, successful and loved.’

Responding to life means – ‘I will align with my values, truths and boundaries regarding what my desired life is, and you will either lean in and join me in this experience or leave and clear the way for someone who shares my values and truths and does.’

It’s vital to understand that living life powerfully and successfully, from the inside out, is NOT a logical thing.

You can’t generate this by trying to logically make it happen.

And the reason why you can’t, is because your logical brain only generates 5% of your life experience. What is really unfolding as your life, is from your emotional composition, beliefs and subconscious programs.

Which in short is HOW you FEEL about any topic in your life and the TRUTHS you have EMBODIED about them.

If you haven’t yet come home to your Inner Being to resolve, partner with and heal your emotional self, in regard to the painful topics in your life, including of course narcissistic abuse, then your emotional feelings, beliefs and subconscious programs will be unhealed. They will remain traumatised.

This almighty remaining 95% of your life then rules your thoughts. This is why the stinking thinking and obsessive thoughts that beat you up don’t stop, no matter how hard you try to stop them.

The resolution?

To be in your body, embodied in responding and creating your life effectively. To feel and heal your emotions.

There is no other way.

 

What Your Feelings Are Not

Because of our human obsession to avoid our painful feelings, at all costs, we innately believe we should do everything possible to turn away from and avoid them.

Yet negative emotions, beliefs and unconscious programs are like housework. If unattended they simply pile up and get worse.

This is why, as people age, the trauma, sickness and breakdowns increase and, generally for all of us as members of a narcissistic abuse community, the abusers and the incidents get worse and worse and worse.

The real question is – ‘How bad does it need to get before I do meet my Inner Being and start doing the necessary housework there?’

One of the common reasons why we seem so committed to self-abandoning is the belief that our inner, painful emotions are going to reveal terrible and horrible things about us. Things that we simply may not be able to face.

This is an illusion; it’s not the truth. It’s part of the lie that has been fed to us.

Your negative emotions are NOT who you really are.

They are not your True Coded Divine Self. They are false ideas and lies that were inflicted upon you by other people; people who had these inflicted on them.

Yes, the dense energy of them HURTS. But just as you don’t associate a cut on your leg as ‘I am unlovable, unworthy of love and not worth loving,’ because it is as yet unhealed and feels intensely painful, you should not do the same with any intensely painful feelings.

The truth, which is organically coded into every one of us, is that we are divine, adored and loved beyond measure by all of Creation, because we are Creation itself.

This is the Truth that we are all, in this incredible time, returning to – if you are prepared to wake up, challenge the lies and do the inner work to live free of them.

There is only one way out of the lies… You need to turn within, face and release the negative emotions, and the false beliefs connected to them, and go free of them. You need to know, believe and live within your soul right to FULLY be yourself.

 

What Your Feelings Really Are

Your feelings are no less or more than a signal showing you whether you are integrated on any particular topic in your life or if you have beliefs and traumas blocking you from your True Self and Life.

This is how the ecology of life works regarding your feelings.

What you want with all your heart – love, success, happiness and health – is what your superconscious (God/Source/Creation), which is all the Higher Part of YOU, wants for you too.

This force is benevolent and all-loving.

Whether or not you achieve alignment with this Force, depends on what is going on in your manufacturing powerhouse – your subconscious. When you are aligned on any topic, you feel good and the real-life results unfold beautifully. You experience wholeness.

Triggered traumas, delays, disappointments, and even catastrophes, show you how your inner subconscious beliefs are not what your heart desires and what your Superconscious Creator wants to bring to you.

So, what is your real job?

To attend to the subconscious programs.

How do you do that?

Be at one with your emotions. Accept and bless all of them as the God Signal letting you know ‘where you are at’ with everything and everyone.

If you get caught up in the story, analysis, research and regurgitation of our wounds – meaning staying mired in them – you are missing the point.

You are not supposed to be a student of your negative emotions, any more than you are supposed to study life continually rather than just set yourself FREE to start living it.

What you are supposed to do is find and then LET GO of what is not serving you.

This is the trauma – the emotional fractures, lies, false beliefs and wounds – that are NOT who you really are.

But you can’t do that unless you are determined to meet them and be with them.

If you take the talk therapy track; you hang on to your victimisation. If you identify with these traumas and negative emotions, you simply get stuck and snagged up in your emotions.

If you join groups of ‘survivors’ or ‘victims’, then your only hope is to try to manage the symptoms of the remaining trauma inside of you.

Every time you decide that your negative emotions are you, or a part of you and your life, you hang on to them.

However, you can come back to the Soul Truth, that these negative emotions are only internalised false energies and beliefs inflicted on you.

They are NOT you!

When we Go Quantum we know that there is NO reason to regurgitate or be in the story.

We know we have methods that work directly with the subconscious in ways that the subconscious responds. We can feel, hold, load up and release dense trauma energy, unlike cognitive talk therapy, research and information gathering, which use our logical brain and doesn’t connect to or communicate with our limbic and nervous systems where the trauma energy is trapped.

Once we start working with our negative emotions the Quantum Way, we know that no matter what the trauma is, no matter how big and who it came from, that this information is truly irrelevant.

Yes the traumas you experienced were awful and terrible for you, and their effects have been grave, disastrous and far-reaching in your life, BUT what is relevant now is getting whatever that trauma is ‘up and out’ of your Being.

When this happens, you can simply return to your Coded True Self – which is joy, love, success and health.

When you start living this way, I promise you will realise that simply being with trauma – feeling it, loading it up without getting taken out into the head story, and then fully releasing it and living free from it – profoundly works.

These shifts are somatically felt.

It is so much more than ‘trying to think differently’.

It is a profound process of letting the pain and fear go, and being filled with your superconscious Light and Truth that reactivates you without trauma.

The result is this: you don’t just start trying to force yourself to heal and change – you just ARE healed and changed on that topic.

You emerge knowing and being the wholeness that you were once struggling to grasp, let alone retain.

But, as mentioned before, this doesn’t happen until you are willing to feel WHAT you need to feel and release and replace, from deep within your emotional visceral Being.

 

Being Self-Partnered and Feeling Your Feelings is Your True Divinity

When you start living like this, you will understand how natural it is to be in your body, navigating life from ‘Who Am I REALLY in regard to this?’ rather than trying to work out who to be via everything and everyone else.

It is such a relief to manage and heal your own painful emotions when triggered, rather than handing away your power to False Sources (narcissists) to try to force them to help you.

It is so beautiful to be anchored into your values and truths, and not to be so precariously susceptible to people’s actions, decisions and opinions of you.

When you are self-partnered and have fully accepted all of your emotions as divine and meant to be –‘You are showing me what I am in alignment with and what I need to heal within me’ – then you will become incredible self-accepting, self-loving and self-generative.

You will start to become and experience the glory of what it is to be an actualised human being – living life to your fullest potential; consciously aligning and integrating your subconscious with your conscious heart desires and superconscious Creator Self.

This is what Going Quantum is all about – going inwards and feeling. It is not just the new Neuro and Quantum Model of True Healing, it is also the model of your True Life.

If you deeply get this, let me know by writing below – ‘I am going to Go Quantum NOW!’

Self-partnering is the FIRST essential step to do this – and is exactly what my Thriver Processes teaches. Coming home powerfully, safely and lovingly to yourself.

I ask you to join me in my free healing workshop: The 3 Keys To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse.

You can do this by clicking the link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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62 Thoughts on You Can’t Heal What You’re Afraid To Feel
  • STACEY865@AOL.COM'
    STACEY
    August 19, 2019

    I WANT TO GO QUANTUM.

  • courtneyandcocreations@gmail.com'
    Meghan Courtney
    August 19, 2019

    I want to go Quantum

  • robynem@bigpond.net.au'
    Robyne McKay
    August 19, 2019

    I am going to go Quantum now

    • thereseprentice1@gmail.com'
      Therese Prentice
      August 20, 2019

      I am so ready to go quantum!! Thank you so much Melanie!

  • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
    Iris
    August 19, 2019

    Way to deliver the GOOD NEWS!!!
    and HOW TO GET THERE from here.

    So important to squarely, constantly, and bravely face the painful situations with hope.

    BEAUTIFUL EXHORTATION

    QUANTUM TRUTH , Quantum Way, TRUE LIFE
    THANK YOU AGAIN

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Bless Iris,

      thank you darling!!

      What else is THERE to do?

      Love you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • sarah782087@gmail.com'
    sarah
    August 19, 2019

    בס”ד

    I am a pensioner – ie financially not independent. I am in touch with my inner self and would love to be free of the one time abuser for whom I have no respect, but I am bound to him by the reality of being financially – not emotionally -dependent. God is always with me thank God. He has kept me bound in this way, but supports me daily in every other area of my life, thank God. I believe He has His reason and purpose. I try to be free within the framework of financial dependency. I do feel totally dispondent at times, and have to remind myself of God’s refusal to free me for His reason. I am not at one with my situation but I don’t see a way out at my stage of life.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Hi Sarah,

      my heart goes out to you.

      I’d love you to google my name + financial as I do have a few resources on this topic.

      I hope it can help.

      Much love

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • madeline_trd@yahoo.com'
        Madeline
        August 19, 2019

        I have been watching a lot of your video. Quantum is what I need to start doing for me.
        Thank you

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 19, 2019

          Hi Madeline,

          I am so pleased this resonates with you!

          Bless.

          Mel 🙏💞💛

          • dorothyab@aol.comp'
            Dorothy B
            August 20, 2019

            After 45 years of doing everything I can for my kids, everything in all respects, my elder daughter is disrespectful to the extreme, doesn’t mind what she says to my grandson, such and he are family and grandma was a family on her own. Christmas arrangements were turned upside down on Christmas Eve so most of the holiday I was on my own. She a classic narcist. When she gòt pregnant at 36 with no relationship, she was allowed to live in our flat for 5 years rent free. The tantrums we had when we suggested she should maybe pay a bit of reñt. The tantrums when I went up and down the stairs to move her left over things from the flat- like I did it fòr the good of my health !
            She is nasty to me, lefty an extra 4 days in hospital recently after open heart surgery because she didn’t want to take me home although passing my house, and staying over one night or letting me ask a friend to do that. The list is endless. All the negative things you talk about are spot on. Thank for all you writex

          • Melanie Tonia Evans
            August 20, 2019

            Hi Dorothy,

            My heart goes out to you.

            I hope this resource of mine can also help

            https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/is-my-adult-child-a-narcissist-when-helping-them-is-hurting-you/

            Please know you are always welcome and much love to you and your family.

            Mel 🙏💞💛

    • sawdust962000@yahoo.com'
      Kathy R.
      August 19, 2019

      I too am in this position. I am financially dependent on the alimony from my ex plus he allows me to live in one of his homes. My heart has healed somewhat but I will always be bound to him as long as I am tied to him financially. He sees nothing wrong with it and calls me frequently to “make sure you are okay”. I go along with it because I don’t want to rock the boat but I would love to have enough money to just walk away from him. At 73 there is no way that I will ever be financially free of him (short of the lottery) so it seems my lot in life. Most of the time I am okay with it but occasionally things pop up that trigger a flash back to him and his “soul-mate” (not me his wife of 38 years). I try to feel the pain without being engulfed by it and it helps a bit but I know if I could get out of the home we lived in together and away from him I could recover faster.
      Thank you for the informative articles they do help a lot.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 20, 2019

        Hi Kathy,

        I hear and these are my thoughts – that by cleaning him out powerfully and energetically from your Inner Being (which means Quantum healing) either you will be so detached from him that you just won’t care about his contact, or/and the WAY to be completely free will come.

        I truly don’t believe in any limits dear lady! And I promise you that I have seen people break all ties in ways that they could never have previously predicted.

        That freedom starts within. I’d love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar and please know Kathy there are members of my Community in their 80s who have Gone Quantum.

        So much love to you

        Mel 🙏💞💛

    • chayamushkachaikin@gmail.com'
      Chaya
      August 21, 2019

      Hi Sarah,

      Hashem is in charge of your finances. He decides on Rosh hashana how much you will get, and it doesn’t have to be through this person. It is your survival programs and traumas that attribute your financial survival to this person rather then relying directly on Hashem. I have been doing Melanies inner work for more then a year now, and I can tell you how much has changed for me. How much trust I now have directly in my creater without putting my life and soul into the hands of man. Once we change our inner belief system and release our fears our outer life changes too.

      I wish you much healing and freedom,

      Chaya

  • johnleroy2928@gmail.com'
    DMJ
    August 19, 2019

    Mel
    I keep thinking that you would enjoy taking a vacation to the east coast of the US in September. It’s a beautiful time of year here. Or upstate New York in October to see the foliage… breathtaking. Or you could visit the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck NY… that would be a great place for you to teach a course next year. Not that you don’t have enough on your plate. 🙂
    I see you in your sweater as we bask in the summer heat…. come on over!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Awww DMJ,

      I would love to.

      However wayyyy too many things going on with MTE here in Aus at this point!

      U.S. is a definite trip coming up later. I would so love to escape our cold weather!

      Thank you for your kind thoughts.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

    • inpellerano@yahoo.com'
      Iris
      August 19, 2019

      Great idea DMJ!

      But Downstate, closer to Hudson Valley? more accessible to NYC?

  • kelltwy@hitmail.com'
    Kelly
    August 19, 2019

    I am in the process of going Quantum😐

  • Gloriw@ymail.com'
    GW
    August 19, 2019

    I am going to go Quantum NOW!

  • linalibre@gmail.com'
    Weena
    August 19, 2019

    This Quantum work sounds like the opposite of what happens when you go for help to a so-called therapist. Thanks to the world of talk therapy, the language of victimology is all around us. We learn who to blame. We learn why we feel terrible. Life becomes a struggle to deal with the pain and suffering from what was done to us, like picking at a scar constantly. We start seeing abusers everywhere. We learn that we earned our suffering and that it is someone else’s fault. For the rest of our life we will need help to deal with the aftermath. We will spend hours in a therapist’s office, forever. We turn to medications. Life is spent in a constant, futile search for relief as we relive the trauma and blame and try to “forgive” our abuser.

    Blah, blah, blah.

    I am totally going Quantum!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Hi Weena,

      Within the old model we are taught we are helpless, powerless and victims.

      Then we are offered ‘things’ that only treat the symptoms and never address the case. This ensures we stay sick, alive and dependent.

      I love that you are Going Quantum (as well as everyone else here who wrote it!)

      Healing deep in your core is the only place real healing takes place.

      You are so right,

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

    • Jdconnie4@gmail.com'
      Jamie
      August 24, 2019

      Agree!!!! Talk therapy didn’t help in the least. Quantum was the only way for me. Bless you Mel and your team. Because of you and other life coaches like you I found a way out.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 25, 2019

        Hi Jamie,

        I am so pleased you found your way through.

        Many continued blessings to you

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  • Lavaujla@gmail.com'
    L A
    August 19, 2019

    Update:
    Ive been working on module 2 as of late, I just graduated from working with module 1 (yay!)
    Im so happy, and im so connected with my Spirit and My real spirit family, its a blessing like no other.
    Consciously connected to the creator, may your life be the theatre at the whim of the director.
    Love and blessings to all my tribe
    <3
    L A

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    Lorraine Wilcock
    August 19, 2019

    I am going to go quantum NOW

  • ievabrown@icloud.com'
    Eva
    August 19, 2019

    Gosh I just love this episode! I love them all but they’re ALWAYS right on time for me on the exact topic that is happening in my life (how synchronised is that!)!
    I’ve been getting overwhelmed with ‘stinking thinking’ and ‘analysis paralysis’ due to another abusive situation that has arisen in my life, despite being a Narper for over two and half years now and thinking I was done with it lol. But it’s revealed to me the ultimate narcissist in my life that for some reason I was blind to 🤔 thinking on the surface my mother was just a sick and toxic person (who’s living with me as she’s homeless) to fully realising she’s the original covert narcissist and I can’t physically go No Contact, the only thing I’m able to do is work Narp and Family of Origins modules every day… but I believe in the Quantum Universe and that the day she leaves my experience is coming and I will have upleveled & healed the original wounds of this lifetime that kept me attracting Narcissists, staying codependent and not having boundaries. Love you, Melanie! Thank you for this another wonderful episode!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Hi Eva,

      That’s awesome!

      You are onto this, you’ve got this, and please sweetheart Mother or not, know you can have your boundaries and truth.

      This may help hun https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-a-narcissist-if-you-cant-go-no-contact/

      Please know you should be really proud of you – as I am of you!

      Loads of love

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      ,

      • ievabrown@icloud.com'
        Eva
        August 20, 2019

        Thank you sooooo much Melanie! The blog you’ve given me to read – wow, what a gold nugget! (And the part 2)
        Interesting March 2017 was when I joined NARP and began my journey, I have come so far, don’t even recognise myself from who I used to be!
        There have indeed been emotions I have been afraid to feel even whilst going within with the Modules, since from early childhood I learnt to bottle up my emotions and not express anything for when I did I was punished, I actually feel that there is a block on this I have not yet managed to shift – would Module 1 be the best place to address this?
        Once again, thank you Melanie, for everything!
        Lots of love!

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 20, 2019

          Eva darling,

          I love how far you have come too!

          Okay, honey I would recommend yes, either Module 1 or/and the Source Healing and Resolution Module to clean up these blocks you speak of. Come into the NARP Member’s Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member and we can help guide you if needed.

          You are so welcome Eva.

          Big love to you

          Mel 🙏💞💛

  • museumgirl387@gmail.com'
    Hannah
    August 19, 2019

    Thank you for this timely article. I am enjoying peace right now from using the modules to shift darkness out, and am now finding it difficult to delve back into miserable memories to up level them since I just want to enjoy this peace, even though I know I have to do it! I am only now learning about manifestation and the 3rd, 4th and 5th dimensions. Are these things you believe in or would be able to write about? I would love to hear more of these things from your perspective if possible.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Hi Hannah,

      It’s my pleasure!

      That’s so great you have shited out so much that you are feeling such space.

      You can sweetheart – enjoy the peace for a while, until triggers come, or/and balance the inner work with some beautiful real-life expansion that the space inside you allows now. Inner work is faithful – like housework – it will wait for you! There is no hurry to get it all done 🙂

      I honestly don’t get too hung up on dimensions. Yes, I do believe in them, but I think if we release the darkness and bring in the light we get to experience ascension, wellbeing, love and joy.

      That’s heaven on earth – and what could be better than that – no matter what level of dimension it is?

      Hannah, I stay out of the information, I just want to feel good … if that makes sense!

      Lots of love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • christoph.floner@gmx.at'
    Chris
    August 19, 2019

    My intention is to go Quantum NOW!

  • stephanie5759@gmail.com'
    Stephanie
    August 19, 2019

    Thank you Melanie for this video – it came at the perfect time for me. 2 years ago I completed the NARP course and my life has changed beyond recognition since then. The narcissist ran for the hills when he realised his mind games no longer affected me. I’ve since gone on to generate a life full of love, success and blessings – I’ve found love with a kind, caring man who adores me & my son (something I never thought possible before doing NARP), I’m now financially independent & have built a hugely successful international company in an incredibly short time & I now enjoy every moment of life. But, over the weekend, something traumatic happened and I found myself feeling victimised and helpless, so I did the only thing I could do – I played NARP module 1 and worked through each of the traumas that had come up. I am back to feeling freer and lighter than before (and miraculously, the very next morning I received a grovelling apology from the person who triggered the trauma the previous day). It is so clear to me now that life truly is a reflection of our own beliefs. Sending you eternal blessings and gratitude & hoping that everyone on this path presses on, because freedom truly is on the other side of our wounds.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 19, 2019

      Awww Stephanie,

      I am so happy for you!! Wow, look at you and your life now as a result of the inner work with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp!

      I LOVE that you anchored back in the Quantum Way – it cam test all of us – truly! Well done and how fabulous that the shift happened so fast. (I LOVE that in my own life too!)

      Much love to you, your son and your partner and thank you for your inspirational and encouraging share to others.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • margiee360@gmail.com'
    Nuffy
    August 19, 2019

    I am going Quantum now!

    • jacqline861@gmail.com'
      Jaya
      August 20, 2019

      Hi Melanie,

      It’s Jaya again. 🙂 Here’s my question: what if I feel good, just as I am? I mean, I don’t feel like I am suffering from any trauma from the past relationship with the narcissist. I am just glad to be rid of him!

      I stayed in the narcissistic relationship as long as I did because I was clueless. I knew nothing about narcisissm. All I knew was this was the weirdest relationship I had ever had.

      I finally learned the Jekyll/Hyde behaviors had a name… narcissism. I wanted to learn more, and that’s how I found this community. I enjoyed hearing your story and the other thriver stories because they shed light on my own experience. It felt good to talk about what I went through and know other people could relate, as I related to them. There are many details about the ex and what he did that I haven’t talked about here or to anybody. What would be the use?

      I am thinking it might not be beneficial for me to continue concentrating on narc “stuff” when I am completely over my ex. I realize you believe that people who have been in narcissist ic abuse need to do inner work in order to feel whole and “healed.” But I am not convinced I am traumatized. The only thing I do wonder about is my current lack of interest in romance and meeting someone new.

      I am not afraid to feel my feelings. I am 58 years old and I know myself well. I just want to be comfortable and at peace.

      • jacqline861@gmail.com'
        Jaya
        August 20, 2019

        I meant to say I AM completely over the ex-narc. I feel light and free! I have physical health concerns and wish I had more money (lol) but otherwise am happy to be me.

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        August 20, 2019

        Hi Jaya,

        lovely to hear from you!

        These are great questions, and truly I agree if you feel great and are happy to go forward without feeling triggered or hurting at ALL about what happened then do so!! That was not possible for me, it’s not possible for many, but if it is possible for you, then that is wonderful.

        And what I mean by not triggered or hurting – the way we REALLY know that to be true – is to go back to the events and painful things that happened, and if there is no emotional energy on them, then you are in the clear (this is what we achieve with NARP or by being a person who sees the bigger picture of love, acceptance, and soul integration and can just BE that automatically), yet if you aren’t – and really have just effectively buried it, or can live on with some there, then the energy is still there.

        People can say ‘I am OVER it!” But they are not – the body and the trauma it holds decides whether we are OVER it or not. If there is trauma trapped in your body then it has three ways it will present the evidence to let you know this is NOT Who You Really Are (A Being here to live trauma-free). The trauma will present to you as emotional pain, depression or limits and/or physical dis-ease and/or bring the evidence of these wounds to consciousness via people and events which represent the trauma.

        Please know Jaya when you focus on ‘narc stuff’ in NARP, you are not focusing on the narc at all, you are finding releasing and reprogramming your wounds within that have matched you up for a love less than what is your True Self without trauma.

        This is not about the narc at all, they are only a symptom of something deeper within us.

        This I know … our greatest expansion and joy comes from releasing trauma from within and bringing in the Light of our True Selves to fill us.

        Then you will become interested, connected and excited about life and living in ways you did not even consider possible previously.

        If you are not afraid of feeling your feelings – that is what NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp will deliver you – your True Self and Life on steroids. To be and experience the best you can in every area of your life – that’s what totally excites me about my Life Going Quantum now, and I love living it every day. So many Thrivers here do!

        Much love to you

        Mel 🙏💞💛

  • tlorch@gmail.com'
    Theresa Lorch
    August 20, 2019

    I am going to go Quantum now!

  • deneiramonicautrilla@yahoo.com'
    Monica Utrilla
    August 20, 2019

    I am going to go Quantum now!

  • claudiakosching-nyssen@ignyssen.de'
    Claudia Rose Kosching-Nyssen
    August 20, 2019

    i can see a light at the end of the tunnel by finding you, Melanie and the NARP program and beginning with the Quantum healing.
    so many dark years……and always thinking that I am the guilty, narcissistic and so awful person —as I was told by my husband,.
    So grateful and in the end hopeful to heal, although I’m still living with him.
    I am not afraid to feel again and so happy for your support. And I will do it for my 14-year old wonderful daughter as well.

    Thank you so much from my heart.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 20, 2019

      Awww Claudia,

      I am so pleased you are feeling this hope and light.

      So much love to you!

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • karenalexjkl@hotmail.co.uk'
    Karen
    August 20, 2019

    I am going to go Quantum now

  • hastingsvirginia@gmail.com'
    Ginn
    August 20, 2019

    Hi Melanie
    I’ve joined NARC and done all the meditations, and had some really good releases. My issue is with the narcissistic young woman who raised me 60+ years ago – my mother. I feel released from her constant negative comments about me, her ridiculous values that she whipped me with and her lack of acceptance of who I am. I also had a narcissistic first husband, and then another partner for a short time. They are both dead now. I know now they were narcissistically abusing me, and I’ve been able to walk away from it without looking back. I’ve forgiven myself for “marrying my mother”.
    My problem is that the woman who raised me is not the 90+ year old with dementia that I still call mom. Somehow with dementia she lost a lot of her narcissistic characteristics, and started being kind. After having to brace myself when I saw her for most of my life it’s really difficult for me to deal with, believe it or not. I just don’t know how to relate to her because naturrally I distrust her, and at this point it is impossible to have no contact. As she lives overseas most contact is via email. Any ideas?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 20, 2019

      Hi Ginn,

      I’m so pleased the NARP modules have helped you so much to date!

      Ginn, it is totally understandable that you are still feeling distrust and detachment even though with dementia she is being so much kinder to you.

      My total suggestion to you is to face, load up and release the traumas in your body with Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module, that you are describing here.

      I promise then there will be so much ease in relating to her, in a way that will not compromise your inner being.

      Also please know that whenever you need assistance with any of these questions that the NARP forum is such a powerful, available and loving resource to help http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I so hope this helps you today.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • rpw43@protonmail.com'
    Richard
    August 20, 2019

    Melanie this is a great episode. My main take from it is that we have to let go of all the analysis, labelling/diagnostics, talk therapy and research and information-gathering. I have gained a lot from those activities, by sheer, dogged perserverance in the attempt to understand, but until my inner being is healed, I am always going to be vulnerable to a relapse into the emotional turmoil (and the suffering of physical-neurological damage) caused by the wounds in my subconscious. And so is my ex, for whom I have compassion, not anger or blame.

    My only doubt is that whether your program is suited to healing from the toxicity which I have experienced in my relationship but to which *both of us* have contributed, in different ways which I need not go into here. The fact is neither party is exclusively to blame, whereas I see in your program that absolute blame is attached to “the narcissist”. What if there is no narcissist involved here? Each of us probably has some narcissistic traits, especially of the somatic kind, but as far as I can see, there is a fundamental decency in both of us, and an awareness (certainly in me) of the awful potential we have to hurt the other because of our damaged subconscious. There has been no cheating, no financial devastation of one by the other, no stalking or similar stuff. But there has certainly been narc-like rage from her, and “ghosting” or silent treatment by me, for example. There has been contempt from her side (which John Gottman describes as the worst of the “four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse”), and I have abandoned her on two separate occasions, behaviour for which I feel utter remorse and regret, because it was the worst thing I could have done to her (with her abandonment fears). But but but…there’s nothing I can do, in terms of relationship repair, to make those past mistakes and damage go away (the only thing I can do is to learn the lesson, by not doing it again, if that situation were ever to arise in the future).

    An example of my doubt is this. Module 2 has the title “RELEASE THE ILLUSION OF THIS PERSON AS MY SOURCE OF SELF”. Well, I don’t actually see my ex as my source of self. I am very attached to her (that attachment has it own traumas associated). Ultimately I see my inner being as my true source of self, but over the course of my life my inner being has been socialized and suppressed by a variety of false, masked and/or fearful selves, dependent on and subjected to various types and standards of external approval (parental, school performance, performance in the workplace, career pressures, peer pressures, etc.). So we learn to become performing animals, catering to all sorts of conventional models of “success”, while all the time the inner being is screaming.

    So, given there are no full-blown narcissists involved here (I am so tired of all this labelling), what is the concrete benefit of the whole of your program that I (who have been in a dance of codependency with my ex for over 4 years) will derive?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 20, 2019

      Hi Richard,

      Thank you, and I am so pleased you have embodied that takeaway.

      In regard to NARP (great question by the way!) Richard it is all about you going within you to ‘what hurts’ to find, release and heal the traumas that have been generating your less than relationships results, regardless of the person (or people) in question, whether or not they are N’s, anything else on the spectrum, selfish or disappointing, or even if it was all your own stuff! (please know I’m not saying it was!)

      Module 2 is a great example to highlight. All of us, without exception, have played the co-dependency (not whole) game of seeking love, approval, security or survival from outside sources (regardless of who and what that was) rather than be a whole source, generating directly with Source / The FIeld, of our own lifeforce.

      These are deep human fractures that NARP heals.

      Richard, please know there are many people working NARP (usually as recommendations from those working it who deeply get it) that have never even suffered N abuse, who just wish to go free to be-come successful in any (or every) area of their lives. When trauma is targeted and released and reprogrammed (the 10 steps of NARP) that is what starts to organically emerge.

      My recommendation is to dive in – and you will see. Your level of consciousness is definitely ready for this journey.

      And what have you got to lose? You have a complete money-back no questions asked guarantee!

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      The bottom line is this: NARP is actually NOT about other people, it is always deeply about the person who is working it – US – specifically healing our Inner Being. Outside people are mere (and magnificent) symptoms, driving us inwards to do this work.

      Many blessings, evolution and expansions to you Richard.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • rpw43@protonmail.com'
        Richard
        August 20, 2019

        Thank you Mel. A good part of this is indeed ‘my stuff’ !

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          August 21, 2019

          Richard,

          you are so welcome!!

          That is SO true for all of us 🙂

          Mel 🙏💞💛

  • 905kat@gmail.com'
    Kathy
    August 20, 2019

    Hi Melanie!
    I love the QFH program. I’m already feeling so much better. I don’t have any more C-PTSD symptoms and my inner being is so much calmer now. Triggers aren’t nearly as intense as they were either. Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 20, 2019

      Hi Kathy,

      this is so beautiful NARP has helped so much!

      I ADORE it when people realise that C-PTSD is not a life sentence and that NARP can and does eradicate all traces of it! (As it did for me too…)

      I am so happy for you!

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • flowertherapy@icloud.com'
    Val
    August 20, 2019

    Love this episode Mel, thank you. I am aware that when I get busy in my head and don’t stay connected with feeling the inner energy field in my body I get lost.
    Eckhart Tolle teaches what you teach Mel..:
    “The inner body lies at at threshold between your form identity and your essence identity, your true nature.
    Never lose touch with it.” ( The Power of Now, p113)
    🌺❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2019

      Aww Val,

      so pleased you loved this.

      Thank you for that incredibly important quote from Eckhart.

      Ultimate truth!

      Much love beautiful lady.

      Mel 🙏💞💛

  • gailmontes4@gmail.com'
    Gail Ramirez
    August 20, 2019

    Oh ok I have been trying to understand all this about a narcissistic and I’m still having issues about it all? I’m still at a point that I’m trying to processing that how could the man I have been with for almost 4 years now that asked me to marry him? That he has been lieing to me, and I contained messages and pictures of both parties involved and that he had been on dateing sites in our house with me right next to him some of the time. And with one of other people he had actually had sexual relations? That it all has made me so sick to my stomach for weeks now. Can’t sleep can’t eat. And now the numb-shocked way I been since then is now at a point where I’m thinking thoughts like how could this man take what little income I receive get me in debt and loose two cars and having me sleeping in the cars before they were taken to having a house to being evicted right before that him getting arrested and then I get kicked out leaving me homeless for the first time ever in MY life for about 4 months. This whole time while he is incarcerated having very little contact with him? I’m disabled and on a set income. Meanwhile I’m acting like nothing has happened still planning our wedding for next year. I’m not mad, angry, upset, I haven’t cried at all. I haven’t even thought much about anything. Just found out my cancer is back. On the edge of a heart attack. And I’m OK with that too. I do feel that everything is in God’s hands and what ever happens, happens. I’m still in love with him but he is barely in my thoughts. I miss him lots but he still has about 6 months more to do. And I don’t know what will happen once he gets out either he goes to a halfway house? or he goes wherever? So there’s my info my question is why should I waste my energy and time having any kind of reaction to this all? Why should I cry over someone who chose to do this to me? He made the mistake the problem? He is the one that has been living with this behavior for how ever long? But, I don’t have to waste my time or MY life over HIM. I’m a strong woman that has spent most of her life alone and doing for my children and myself with no help or assistance from anyone. Thanks for your time.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 21, 2019

      Hi Gail,

      you poor thing, my heart goes out to you with what you have been through, and are still battling. Big hugs and healing to you Dear Lady.

      Gail – I totally agree … WHY should we waste our time on people who treat us this horrifically?

      WHY would we even give them a second thought or any of our energy ever again?

      These are the questions I USED to ask myself over and over again.

      But here is the thing …

      CAN we let go of the obsession, the trauma and the bonding to them OUT of our hearts, bodies and minds?

      CAN we be free, healthy and healed enough to make our NEW life WORK?

      Can we REALLY achieve this by JUST deciding logically to?

      If you can – truly – all POWER to you!

      I couldn’t achieve this, and I have found consistently that it is virtually impossible for other people to do it as well.

      However, I have discovered we CAN heal, go free and rebuild, when we go inside and detox the narcissist, the trauma and all our painful beliefs and already existing programs that unconsciously led us into and kept us enduring these relationships in the first place.

      In fact, we come back BETTER than ever, and our life hits heights and places that we never had access to, before turning inwards to heal ourselves.

      THAT is the REAL reason for the inner work.

      Much Love to you

      Mel 🙏💞💛

      • jacqline861@gmail.com'
        Jaya
        August 22, 2019

        Thank you Melanie for your kind, thoughtful response. I really appreciate the way you take the time to answer each of our letters personally. Blessings!

  • Amy.t23@aol.com'
    Amy Thompson
    August 24, 2019

    I want and desperately need to go quantum! SOS!!

  • Caglloyd@icloud.com'
    Angie
    August 24, 2019

    Having gone through hell with my Narc who’s been having an affair with a friend under my nose, but always refuting it and turning the blame for everything back on me, he suddenly cheered up, got back to his old lovely self and suggested a holiday. Deeply suspicious I agreed and came to the conclusion part way through the nicest holiday in 20 years that perhaps his mistress is finally off the scene, I went with the flow and it was eerie in how nice the time away was. Back to chatting about all our interests, jointly exploring places, having lovely meals. No intimacy as he refuses to even touch me, but his manners were impeccable and we had fun! Of course as we headed home I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d dreamt it all or if he’d get nasty again at the drop of a hat but I put it out of my mind as I was so relaxed.

    One week back to work and I hardly need say he’s being secretive, tetchy and manipulating again. It seems he’s planning a first time ever lone holiday abroad with an old male school friend who’s said he’ll even pay his airfare to make sure he goes. The friends wife in the past has regularly invited us both to stay with them in Europe but it looks as though I’m going to get left out. I’ve no idea how to play this or react when he tells me he’s going. I’m extremely hurt. He also announced last night that his other best friends daughter is giving birth next week. They’ve kept all that back from me for all those months? I feel I need to pinch myself to see if I still exist…. I’m sure this is all fascinating to you Mel but after such a lovely high and secretly wondering if everything is going to be all right after all, I’m ashamed to own up that we’re sliding back to the old days of major narcissistic abuse where I’m likely to be belittled regularly, ignored and sidelined and told yet again none of our friends will want to come to dinner so don’t ask them. My holiday blues are here…

  • kondwanichinula@gmail.com'
    Kondwani
    September 8, 2019

    ‘I am going to Go Quantum NOW!’

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