Your Biggest Breakdowns Are Your Most Desired Breakthroughs

So many people are struggling right now … I know because I am hearing this from many of you. Times are tough, very uncertain, and also many of you have the added stresses of trying to survive a narcissist, get away, restart your life and also heal from the terrible effects of narcissistic abuse.

This is why I wanted to write this article for you today. To help you know that you can make it, you have got this, and all of us here in this wonderful community have got you too.

Before I get started on this article today, I want to let you know that my next Thrive 10-week Bootcamp Course is starting soon! The results we have seen from this power-packed course are –people breaking free from their traumas, fears and healing blocks to emerge confident, positive and empowered within these 10 weeks.

We also regularly see real life breakthroughs – like property and custody agreements, reconciling with one’s children, being able to leave a narcissist, being freed from trauma symptoms, new employment, finding places of residence, and the list goes on and on.

A few days ago, I reached out on my brand new Instagram channel to have a conversation about exactly what we are talking about in today’s article.

I was fired up and passionate in this conversation “Are you feeling hopeless about your recovery?” because I KNOW your pain, and I KNOW that there is a way through this – no matter how broken or beaten down you feel or how bleak things seem.

Please come join my new Instagram channel and watch this live talk here.

Today, I want to talk to you about the false programming that we all believed and which has created such a struggle in your recovery …

Namely, not understanding your breakdowns and how to shift them into breakthroughs.

 

The “Truth” About Struggle

History and literature and real-life experience have shown us that there are people who have had the most disgraceful and terrible breakdowns in their life, who are now living incredible breakthroughs.

These are the “feel good” stories of rags to riches, terminal illness to spontaneous recovery, heartbreak to true love … and similar stories of how people have turned around their lives of despair and even abuse and loss to true Thriving.

We know that this possibility exists.

Yet, that may not give you comfort when you can’t see and feel how that may be possible for YOU.

And, you may have tried with all that you have to turn the breakdown, that has become your life after narcissistic abuse, into the breakthrough that you hope for.

Maybe, at this point, you would just settle for “some peace” to be able to have relief from the awful feelings of anxiety and depression, that like some psychic virus seems to have taken over your entire being. The feelings of – a black ink inside you, ice running through your veins and feeling like your Soul is being sucked out of you.

Maybe, right now, it would be enough for you to be able to experience half an hour without your head continually going over and over what happened, why it happened and how it could have happened differently – and why you didn’t realize what was happening and still probably can’t.

Then there are the metaphors that diamonds are created from intense pressure and heat, and that pearls come from the grist and friction within shells – but where is the diamond or pearl of your experience as a result of what you have been through?

If these “truths” are “true” then why is it so hard to get to the other side of narcissistic abuse?

The reason is because the breakdown, the process to get there, is not really understood.

 

What Is The Breakdown Really?

I have the best job in this Thriver community because I know, with you, my Thriver tribe I can share the truth (as I see it). You are here because you have open minds and hearts and want to grow and because you have had enough of the pain.

I love Quantum Truths because they grant the answers to this kooky, crazy, confusing world that we live in, that seems to be steeped with so much challenge, pain and suffering, which of course narcissists play a big part of.

Yet, I know there is a way through this that turns it all around 180 degrees, and a big slice of this is understanding the truth about our breakdowns.

As a Soul / Source connection we are connected to the outer world through our inner world, and here is the big problem – we weren’t taught this. Therefore, the only way we discovered the truth about this was to realize the coincidences were too coincidental, or we crashed and burned and had nowhere else to turn rather than within.

Let me give you a simple example regarding how our inner world is connected to our outer world.

You get frustrated and angry with trying to put together a piece of furniture. You keep assembling it incorrectly which annoys you more. You curse the instructions and the manufacturer and hate the fact that no one else in the house is there to help you, or can’t be bothered to help you.

(This is the breakdown.)

You take some time away, centre yourself, reach a place of calm and then the instructions make sense. You assemble the furniture methodically and end up being incredibly proud of your achievement. In fact, the exercise was empowering.

(This is the breakthrough.)

Did the assembly process go well and THEN you felt better? No! You took responsibility and your power back to change your emotional state and then the SPACE opened up to match that state to grant you the solution.

Was this coincidence? Absolutely not!

(Stay with me …)

What does this mean from the Quantum perspective? It means that your beingness is the driver of your experience regardless of outer circumstances, and to change your life, you have to change your inner beingness.

Now I know that you may think, “Melanie, narcissistic abuse and the destruction it brings has nothing to do with something like trying to assemble an Ikea desk!”

You’re right, it isn’t the same. The trauma cannot be compared in any shape or form – but the Quantum Truth is exactly the same.

Now let’s look at how to remain stuck in the breakdown because of NOT knowing how to apply this process.

 

False Breakdown Philosophy

Mandy was being narcissistically abused by her partner Joel.

He told her she was a bad person, a terrible mother, a false friend and a fraud in her job.

Mandy was gutted, mortified and incensed, especially because Joel was certainly not a model “father of the year”. He treated his family like garbage, talked about his so-called friend behind his back and was doing dodgy deals at work because he didn’t believe he got paid enough.

The more Mandy tried to set Joel straight the more he doubled down on attacking her character.

Mandy was getting sicker. She could barely eat, was struggling to not burst into tears at work, snapping at the children and making excuses not to catch up with her family and friends. She felt so shameful about what her life had become and also because Joel made her feel guilty if she tried to do anything for herself.

The truth was she was breaking down. Mandy was suffering from narcissistic abuse symptoms and was not getting better.

Mandy believed if she could just stop Joel from treating her like this, she could get better. If she could somehow please him, or prove to him that she was a good person, or convince him that these were actually his issues that he wasn’t taking responsibility for, and it was him that needed to change.

At her times of total despair, she dreamed of someone coming to speak sense to Joel – maybe someone like a counsellor. Or even a family member or a friend. Perhaps if she couldn’t get him to see the light, someone else could. Or maybe she could meet someone who was not like Joel. Someone who could take the pain away and help her recover and grant her a safe passage for her and her children to be able to be safe and survive.

Mandy, in her breakdown, was trying to get the pieces of her relationship back together to feel better, or have someone else put the pieces back together for her to feel safe, loved and happy.

(Think Ikea furniture.)

None of this worked for Mandy – Joel’s abuse continued.

 

True Breakdown Philosophy

Mandy in absolute broken desperation somehow found her way to our wonderful Thriver Community.  She reached out for help, sampled a Quanta Freedom Healing and decided to work on the philosophy of if I want to change my life, I need to change my Inner Being.

With the last teeny bit of willpower that she had left, she moved out from the home with Joel and took her children and herself to a friend’s house and started doing the Quanta Freedom Healings in NARP – starting with Module 1.

Everything in her wanted to run back to Joel, but she hung in there and did the healings instead.

This is what Mandy found inside herself, released and went free from …

Old traumas from her mother’s criticism of her. As a child she was the scapegoat and felt wrong, not good enough and defective. And, from a very young age, Mandy had held the belief that she had to try to please people and convince them that she was a good person so that they would love her, and if not she would be abandoned and unsafe.

Then the penny dropped for Mandy – Joel was her mother all over again.

Through the Thriver Healing that Mandy was undergoing, she let go of these old traumas and programs and filled with the Light of Source (which is the reprogramming that Quanta Freedom Healing provides). She shifted from being the broken little girl inside herself and up-levelled to her True Source / Soul organic self … which is this knowing …

“I am loved and approved of by True Source simply because I exist. I know and feel this for myself just as Source feels this for me.”

How this translates in real-life terms is this – Mandy started feeling like a solid, safe adult in her own body.

When Mandy thought about Joel’s treatment of her, it now felt like his cruel words had been spoken to someone else. It was like having a memory of a memory that she couldn’t even connect to as herself anymore.

This was true – it wasn’t Mandy anymore. She wasn’t that woman, carrying those wounds that Joel was replicating and opening up for her all over again.

Mandy kept working with the Quanta Freedom Healings in NARP and was able to release and reprogram many parts of herself which used to not have a voice, could not say “No” to people, struggled to assert her opinion and values and couldn’t identify, ask for and generate what and who in her life could respect her.

She fell in love with the transformations that were happening for her on the inside, and were showing results in her real everyday life. She resisted Joel’s hoovering attempts. After a few months she started another relationship and left the next guy quickly – because he was critical – and then continued healing herself. After several more months she met a man, who she eventually married. He respected and honoured Mandy in the same way she had healed and come home to respecting and honouring herself.

How had Mandy changed her life?

By attending to her own inner state (her brokenness) to put her life back together in a way that worked. This was the ONLY way it was ever going to work.

(Think Ikea furniture.)

 

Midwifing Breakdowns To Breakthroughs

My dear friend and colleague, Katherine Woodward Thomas, uses the expression, “midwifing breakdowns to breakthroughs”.

I love this expression, because it allows for the individual to consciously participate in this experience.

In our first example, Mandy initially did not understand that to have a new order in your life, the old order needs to break down and make way for it to happen. It’s like you can’t drive a shiny Ferrari into a garage when a rusty old wreck is blocking the path.

Mandy’s rusty old wreck was a life of trying to make someone else change her version of her so that she could change her version of her. It was the participating in the story-line of, “I am wrong, defective and not good enough” because I stay with you, wrestle with this and keep living my life having these terrible experiences.

Mandy was trying to change it but was never changing it – because she was never BEING different in it.

Her being was in fact wired on this story, meaning the breakdown was continuing indefinitely with no sign of breakthrough.

Yet, when Mandy understood the truth of Quantum Reality, I am in this experience of what hurts because I am already inwardly programmed to have this in my life, she was able to turn within to attend to exactly THAT inner programming. This shifted her state, which stopped her continuing to participate, and opened up the space for her to enter a new and far healthier reality.

This … the following … is the way to Quantumly (with Quanta Freedom Healing) achieve the breakdown to breakthrough …

“I am letting go of the traumas I feel within (what hurts) and replacing it with True Source.”

That is it. I know it sounds too easy – but that is it.

Much of our programming is to make things complex, try to work other people out, and put their behaviour into all sorts of different categories. To think about and talk about it ad nauseam – researching as much as we can and trying to learn how to be different, instead of using a process to just BE different.

 

The Biggest Breakdowns Are The Biggest Breakthroughs

Mandy, looking back over her life, had the epiphany that the life that she thought was great before Joel, wasn’t great at all.

She had still been trying to pander to her mother.

When her friends used to call on her she would drop everything, often at the expense of her own life.

Mandy had often felt unsupported and wouldn’t ask for help.

She hadn’t connected to her own passions and purpose, because she had been so invested in what everyone else wanted.

Now, in stark contrast, Mandy was loved and supported by her husband. Was Thriving in her own healing business, had supportive and loving friends and was applying strict Modified Contact with her narcissistic mother – without guilt.

Her children were proud of her, inspired, motivated and Thriving.

Mandy realized how Joel had been so meant to be.

She knew that the things that he had reflected back to her in such ferocity were the things inside of her that she had needed to heal the most to be free to be herself fully. Her REAL authentic self. The true state of her Soul / Source connection who knew how to live her life consciously and successfully – always by creating the breakthrough within first, to change her life.

That is Mandy’s lifestyle now. As it is mine, and so many others who Thrive. If it hadn’t been for her breakdown with Joel, she would never have even been able to know her breakthrough and True Life was possible!

 

In Conclusion

I hope that today’s article makes sense.

I want you to know your life is no more complicated than this – truly – no matter how much we jump up and down and declare it is.

(I promise you I did this too. My life was a tangled web of absolutely “complex destruction” medically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, no matter which way you logically sliced it and diced it) and I would have wanted to slap you for trying to tell me ALL of it was the opportunity for my greatest breakthroughs!

However, when I turned within and understood the Quantum Truth and worked with Quanta Freedom Healing, it all very quickly started to turn right way up, exactly for the reasons I have written to you about today.

If you are exhausted with trying to navigate this, then my upcoming Thrive Bootcamp will help you heal what you may not have been able to recover from yet. Myself and my team grant you specialized hands-on support – in real time – to shift masses of trauma, reprogram your Inner Identity and grant you the courage, support and power to restart your life in ways that will thrill you, and allow you to know how possible Thriving really is for you.

My mission with this Bootcamp is to help save you months, years, maybe even decades of struggle in this healing process, by granting you the tools to achieve your liberation in a fast and POWERFUL straight line.

The Thrive Membership Bootcamp begins on the 3^rd of April. So many of our participants (including NARP members) reported this was EXACTLY what they needed to throw the shackles of narcissistic abuse off once and for all.

Click here for all the information on the upcoming Thrive Bootcamp.

As always, I look forward to your comments and questions about this VERY important topic!