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There are six common reasons that keep you stuck in the trauma and cycle of narcissistic abuse.

This happens because what all of us endured in these relationships has been paralyzing and has kept our focus on the narcissist rather than on ourselves. Clearly, this works for them … and destroys us.

I found myself so stuck in both toxic relationships I lived through that I know first-hand what it’s like to face each of the six points I discuss in my video. I endured the consequences of each one until I realized the damage they were causing me.

Then I figured out how to crawl out of the hole. I shifted and turned my focus where it belonged – on ME.

In my latest Thriver TV video, I want to lead you on the path that thousands of Thrivers in this community have taken – on a life trajectory that breaks the cycle of narcissistic relationship trauma forever.

Let me guide you on how to shift the focus to YOU – look out for specific pointers on how to do this at the end of the video (or transcript).

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, we’re going to talk about why you’re feeling so stuck in a narcissistic relationship. But before we get into that, if you’re new to my channel, please consider subscribing and if you like my material, give it a like, and share it with people who you know this material can help.

I know, because I was there as well, that you are shocked that you feel so stuck in a narcissistic relationship because it doesn’t make sense. Here’s a person terrorizing and traumatizing your life, ripping it to bits and everything inside you is screaming that it’s bad and wrong but yet, you feel like you can’t get out of the relationship.

Today, I want to discuss with you the six reasons why this is happening. Please make sure you hang around until the end because I’m going to give you powerful ways to break free and no longer be stuck. Life-changing ways that will help you get free from this.

 

Number 1 – Your Self-esteem And Confidence Are Shattered

Narcissists control. They subjugate your autonomy by dismantling and taking away your support structures. So, it’s an outer thing that they attack as well as an inner thing and we’ll get to that further on.

What they do is … the energy and the Life Force that you get from people and things which sustain you and empower you – like family, friends, your personal missions, maybe your spiritual faith and connection – they demean it. They diminish it. They degrade it. They pull you away from those things because they need to position themselves as a center of your universe. The problem is they’re not giving you any healthy, autonomy, power, and growth.

So that’s not what you’re getting from them. They’re dismantling you. They’re not looking at you as a flesh and Soul human being who deserves to have your own feelings or your own opinions or even your own life or your Life Force.

The narcissist does not want to see you be full and empowered and succeed in life. Rather, to them you are a prop. You’re a tool for the narcissist to harvest and exploit to get the most out of you that they can. So that means your attention, your focus, it could be sex, resources, money, property. It’s definitely all aspects of narcissistic supply, whatever feeds their False Self and gives them the significance to know that they exist through affecting other people so significantly.

Please know this because it’s really important to understand. If you have people and structures in your life that really do care about you, they want to see you grow in power and capacity and autonomy. They want you to shine. They don’t reduce you in order to control you. Be very, very clear about that. Because narcissists are so confusing, but that’s a way that you can tell.

So with the narcissist, think of being a fly in a spider’s web, because that’s what it’s like being in a relationship with a narcissist. They’re wrapping you up and tying you up so much that you can’t see through the muck to even connect to what’s outside of you.

Then there’s the Stockholm Syndrome, which means you’re being abused but you’re trying to comply your way out of the tyranny. You’re trying to please this person, you find that you have to agree with them and you have to do what they ask of you yet it’s not helping, you just find yourself more and more tangled up deeper in the web.

On an inner level this is destroying your self-respect and your self-worth. So the first step out of feeling stuck because of your diminished self-esteem, is recognizing what is really happening here. You trying to go along to get along, is only getting you more stuck. You apologizing to the narcissist and trying to do better all the time to get clemency, is only giving this person more permission to control and abuse you.

 

Number 2 – You Are Frightened Of What The Narcissist Will Do Next

You know the narcissist will do terrible things if you try to leave. Narcissists are bullies and they threaten you either directly or indirectly with repercussions if you try to stand up against them – if you try to take back your power and your Life Force, and of course, especially if you do leave. The narcissist may threaten to take the children, property, smash you in court, expose all sorts of information about you to others, rip your life apart and make your attempt at a future without them a living hell and so much more.

Maybe the narcissist is telling you that if you try to leave that they’re going to replace you with somebody better than you. This can of course play terribly into your fears of abandonment and being replaced.

They could use guilt against you, smearing and turning your family and your community and even your church against you by playing the good person and saying that you’re the problem. The list goes on and on and on and on and I promise you in our wonderful NARP community, we have seen it all and we’ve helped so many people get through all of the repercussions of what narcissists are capable of.

This is what I want you to know from my heart to yours … this is so key so listen up please … all that you are trying not to lose you’re going to lose anyway if you stay. The narcissist is going to empty you out. They’re going to try and turn the children against you and then they’re going to try and break you where they will get the home when you are no longer in a position to fight back.

Also, the narcissist will take this to a conclusion where there is nothing left of you, so knowing that you staying there – things are not going to get better – is understanding that you are getting scorched. You are being drowned.

To me, the most devastating of issues we face by staying and trying to hang on and mitigate the horror of what the narcissist does, is losing our own Souls. That’s the biggest loss. Your Soul should never ever be for sale. Regardless of the threat.

Also, we have to think very deeply about what are we teaching our children – to accept abuse because of fear? Or to stand up and be sovereign Souls who choose our Soul’s truths and rights to be well and non-abused. Very important questions.

Number 3 – Feeling Like You Can’t Make It On Your Own (Or For Your Kids)

Most of us before narcissistic abuse, without knowing it had unhealed wounds from our past, it’s the human experience. It’s a part of the human condition and it’s known as codependency and all of us who’ve been involved with narcissists have had it.

It means that there are parts of ourselves on the inside that have not yet grown up to be a solid source of love, approval, security, and survival for ourselves. This meant that we weren’t able to feel whole safe, empowered, and self-generative enough to make healthy choices for ourselves. It caused us to hand our power away to outer authorities, hoping that they will be the parent, the saviour for our unhealed and underdeveloped inner child.

I remember distinctly what it felt like to believe I couldn’t survive on my own. And I also realized that for me to be able to go forward into life no longer feeling panicked, dependent, and handing my rights over to abusers in some hope that they may look after me, that I had to heal. I had to turn within and grow these parts up and become an adult in my own body who could take care of myself.

So many of us really had no choice. We had to face this fear head on and do the inner work on it. I can tell you with everything that I have, that if you do that when you come out the other side of this terrified feeling at being a child in an adult’s body, to knowing that regardless of where you’ve landed, you can start choosing, creating, and growing your life from where it is right now. No matter how humble and broken it looks – you will start to experience the joy, power and courage of being self-generative and of having a true Soul Source connection.

It’s a terrifying journey at first because we felt dependent and helpless and hopeless after narcissistic abuse. But this is the graduation and it is so life-changing and necessary to have a successful life that works, to start growing ourselves up and healing to be an adult in our body because that’s where your true life can begin. I can help you with that and I’ll be talking about it further along.

 

Number 4 – Attachment To Stuff

Attachment to stuff is a big hook that can keep us stuck. I understand, I was once there too. Like so many of us, it’s not even about being greedy, it’s that we’ve worked so hard all of our life and overcome so many obstacles to get to a certain point in our life.

I know what it felt like to be attached to money and property and a lifestyle, which I’d worked so hard for and been able to provide for my son. So please know, I’m not judging you at all, if you’re stuck in that place, but I do want to give you some perspective of what I’ve seen happen in this community all the time. The people who let go of stuff and their attachment to it and choose their Soul instead, end up creating and generating more joy and success than you could imagine once they’re on other side of this.

As a result of choosing their Soul and letting stuff go, they discover true happiness and peace, which we only ever get through choosing our Soul. Before that, all the stuff and things we thought gave us that actually didn’t. When you choose your Soul and you get the happiness and peace with your Soul Source connection – which is the Thriver foundation of all of our healing – you’re going to feel fabulous and really whole, even before any new stuff shows up, but then it does.

You also lead the way for your children … you teach them the greatest spiritual lesson of all that we get through narcissists – which is that their Soul is worth more than anything and it should never be for sale. We should never sell it out for “stuff”.

When we choose our Soul, it’s like Source God creation says, “You chose your Soul regardless of the cost, which means you chose me.” You choose Source because your Soul and Source are one and therefore now Source says, “I can fully support you because you are being a True Self.”

The people (like I once did too) who hang on for the mortgage, the house, the private schooling, the cars, the gadgets and the lifestyle end up losing it all anyway and lose themselves as well as their health. Now I’m not saying don’t fight in court for what’s yours, but what I’m saying is choose your Soul first and then everything can follow. Because nothing is important without honouring your Soul.

On our death bed, none of us are going to reflect on what we had during our lives. We’re actually going to come face to face with who we were Being – who were we in life. Your contribution to life can’t be optimal unless you choose your Soul. Again, I’ll say it to you if you do that, Source and all of life will choose you too.

 

Number 5 – Feeling Sorry For The Narcissist

I want you to open your mind to the possibility of deep karmic ties. Stay with me on this. Relationships with narcissists are not ‘ho hum’. They’re not insignificant or kind of bland, they’re pretty impactful. They really are nemesis-type relationships that significantly affect us.

If you believe in karmic evolution, as I do, then you may consider that your narcissistic relationship includes karmic unfinished business. This is why when you meet a significant narcissist, that’s going to be in your life, many people report a deep familiarity, an instant feeling of connection with a narcissist or even an instant feeling of repulsion or anxiety, but then the narcissist charms them into a connection.

I would love you to check out my article, The Soul Contract With a Narcissist because it explains it deeper than I can right now. What this all means is that you may have feelings of a deep obligation or a requirement or that somehow it’s your Soul mission to stay with and help this person. Heck, you may even feel like you are a parent to them, and you have to fix them and it’s your job, even though they’re another adult.

Yet, no matter how much you self-sacrifice or try with this person, your real life experience matters are only getting worse. It may drive you crazy thinking that you’re stuck or not able to turn your back on this person and for some reason not allowed to save yourself.

People can go through this decades later, the narcissist has married two or three new people and they still are at the narcissist’s beck and call and feel like they’re Soul connected. It’s crazy. It’s not only Soul-destroying, it absolutely allows the narcissist to keep exploiting and mining you for their own self-serving agenda without any recognition, care, gratitude, or compassion towards you. Maybe you have an elderly narcissistic parent and that’s how it all goes down with them.

The more you give, the more you’re emptied out and the more you’re abused. This is also a terrible dynamic for your children and their future generations to learn from your example. It’s not what you say, it’s what you do that they’re going to follow, just as you may have followed in the footsteps of your forebears who were also stuck in unhealthy martyrdom.

This also enables abusers to keep abusing. It’s not helping them to grow up and be responsible because there are no boundaries to it. It’s important to accept this truth. It’s a big reason a lot of people are stuck.

 

Number 6 – You Keep Forgiving Unforgivable Behaviour

To change your life from being narc abused, to being free is going to take facing great inner fears as well as confronting the necessary healing within. Of course, rather than going through this transition, we may hope that the narcissist will change rather than having to change ourselves. I did a live on Facebook recently on why narcissists reoffend and if you aren’t following my Facebook page, I recommend going to it so you can join in with discussions like that there.

Narcissists reoffend, and you forgiving them shouldn’t be happening because they’re not genuinely sorry. They don’t think they do anything wrong and they have no desire to stop being abusive, to get their own agendas met. This is why you’re not getting a genuine heartfelt sorry that feels true in your body. And you’re not seeing genuine reform, your relationship isn’t up-levelling, it’s descending down into a death spiral. It gets worse and worse.

So, hoping for reform from the narcissist and forgiving them, hoping this time it’ll be different is fruitless. This is all part of the spiritual test of narcissistic abuse. The understanding and acceptance of – you need to change your life and take it back because no one is going to rescue you. The narcissist certainly isn’t.

To change your life is to change yourself and it’s your job. What is wonderful is that we do have ways for you to do this powerfully so you can get on track and out of the abuse. Let’s look at how.

 

The Remedy To Being Stuck In Narcissistic Behaviour

Let’s have a look at the remedies to being stuck in narcissistic abuse. The very first step is to stop touching the stove that’s burning you. Stop taking the poison that is destroying you. This means letting go of the narcissist and going No Contact or Modified Contact.

For more details about this, if you haven’t yet, I really encourage you to sign up for my 16-day free course, because you’re going to straight away get two free comprehensive eBooks that are going to explain this in much greater detail to you and it’s going to help you so much.

Then from that point, it’s about looking at the reprogramming of the fears and the terrors that have been keeping you stuck. There’s two ways to do this – you can do it in a logical way or you can do it in an empowered Quantum way, which is what I’m such a fan of. Because the logical thinking way is really hard, it’s arduous, it often fails because the traumas that have impacted you from the narcissist are now planted inside of you and they mess with your mind. You can only think in the bandwidth of your emotional traumas and you know that it’s so hard to think your way out of this.

However, if you deactivate the traumas inside you, then you can start to think clearly in ways that work, you get the space and the emotional resonance to be able to do that. And today that’s what I want to share with you.

For those of you who are working with NARP, I want to share some powerful, specific Goal Setting Module shifts that you can do to help being stuck to get unstuck. Please know I’m using in these Goal Setting Modules, the word Source, but this can be any word that your higher power is to you. It’s totally, totally optional, and unconditional.

So, let’s have a look at the number one shift that can help you get out of losing your self-esteem and getting it back. And these will be in the blog. So you’ll see them written down and you can write them down. Also, if you need to reword them a little bit, so they’re powerful for you, please do.

Number 1 – “I am connected to the Source truth of myself as unlimited to generate my true life and true self.”

Feel it in your body. What happens in the goal setting Module, if you clear all of your trauma and blocks to that, so it becomes a 10 out of 10 and embodied in yourself, your self-esteem will soar and come back to true self where it needs to be.

Number 2 – “As I stand with Source in truth and power, only the light will prevail. I am safe to go free.”

What that does is that reverses the fear of what the narcissist could do if you tried to take your power back. “As I stand with source and truth and power only the light will prevail. I am safe to go free.” It’s powerful. Feel it in your body.

Number 3 – “With Source flowing through me as me, I am provided for in all ways, always. I am flourished and nourished eternally.”

This gives you the power to connect to opportunity, synchronicity, and miracle. It opens up all sorts of support in your life, that you can’t even begin to imagine yet. This is a remedy for, “I can’t make it in life on my own”, this is very powerful.

Number 4 – “I let go. By honouring my Soul I open up to all that is authentically sent by Source to honour me.”

What this means is when you’ve let go of the outer stuff and you connect to Source, what honours you will be far better down the track than what you’ve let go of. I promise you, I see it happen all the time. Because it’s connected with real and true self and durably, it will be yours.

Number 5 – “I am responsible to my Soul and Source and serve all of life responsibly. I let go of those who are not my truth, I release all guilt and obligation now.”

This is with the Goal Setting Module.  It’s so powerful to stop feeling guilty and obliged with narcissists and tied to them.

Number 6 – “I grow with my Soul’s journey in accordance to direction from Source. I see the truth, adapt and change my experience accordingly, I no longer play with or hold onto shadows.”

So freeing. Absolutely these can be affirmations, but when you’re trying to work at the mind level, it’s very hard to break through to the barrier of subconscious programming in theta brainwave, with Quantum processes, you directly reprogram in here and that’s what NARP does.

For those of you NARPing, I hope that you find that really, really helpful. What’s really powerful is when you say True Self – true life Soul Source statements – you feel in your body how powerful they’re going to be when you embody them.

 

In Conclusion

Can you already feel these statements in your body? Let me know in the comments.

Can you imagine what your life could be when these are embodied truths for you? Do you know what a powerful, energetic creator you are from the inside of you? Because, that’s what the Thriver Way is all about. This is why people in this community who take on this healing orientation enjoy unprecedented and fast changes that previously were psychologically, medically and even legally unheard of.

I hope today’s episode has been helpful. Remember to share it with people who you know it can help.

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Commments (21) + Leave a comments

21 thoughts on “Why You Find Yourself Stuck In Narcissistic Relationship Trauma

  1. what worries me is what the narcs will try to do to the child he gets to see after the divorce. The child will have to be with the Narc father alone as they get older.
    Dont you think he will try to get his supple from the child and guilt him etc etc.

    1. Hi Mary, the narc played so well that the court gave away my son’s full custody to him. For 4 months he completely disconnected me from my son. I fought hard in court to get the child back and thankfully in the end I got the custody. In those 4 months, the child was treated with disregard, often left with other relatives who didn’t really look after him. The child often went hunrgy and was left unbathed. When he would come for visitation to me was when I would give him a shower (twice a month). The child had rashes all over his body and his head was full of lice. It was heartbreaking. Nevermind what it did to me, the child was traumatised. The only good thing that came out of this was that the child didn’t want to go back to the father. As he is getting older, he doesn’t mind visitations that much as he gets to see his cousins from the father’s side. But any talk of staying there for more than a day is a firm no from the child. Later this year, the court has asked that the child stay with the father for 20 days and even though we aren’t looking forward to it, I am hoping that it will only be another opportunity for the child to see how abnormal the environment at his father’s place is.

      If you keep communicating with your child and keep them in a healthy environment, they will pick up on the abnormalities. Also, just so the father doesn’t guilt my child I make it a point to tell him what the father can potentially do (e.g. child wanted to really badly go to a friend’s football match on visitaion and I prepared him for disappointment beforehand and when he came back he was like yeah you were right this is what happened. e.g.2 father wanted to talk to child out of the timings set by court and i refused, but i also explained to the child why i was refusing so the next time when the father was being all emotional on the child standing him up, my son was able to understand it and not feel guilty about it because I had already explained with proper reasoning )

      It is a constant effort, but it is something that can be done.

    2. This is what kept me hooked in for years. If they can’t get to you then they get to the children or other unsuspecting family members. I literally walked a tightrope for years until the child was grown.

    3. Hi Mary,

      please know to help our children the most powerful thing we can do is lead the way by healing ourselves.

      I’d love you to google my name plus “our children”. I hope that these resources can help you with what you can do to help your child – a lot.

      Much Love

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  2. Dear Melanie!
    Thank you so much for this incredible article! This is one of the most helpful things I feel, at this moment, I have read, for me, of yours in awhile…🙌
    I thought that going through these 6 categories one by one would help me so I’m gonna try and see how that works….
    #1 My self-esteem and confidence has been, as you said, shattered! Thankfully that is not something that, now, I experience every day, since being in NARP
    #2 I am still frightened about what the narcissist might do next but that is also getting better and I don’t fear her in the way that I did a few months ago!
    #3 because of what the narcissist DID, setting me up for a big fall, before she discarded me, with our lifelong building of financial security and a home I was in literal shock for a long time when the abrupt discard happened…. In the aftermath I did, constantly live in fear, of “how can I survive and make it” when I realized that she was trying to take everything for herself and I mean everything! That was absolutely terrifying! Thankfully NARP guidance has helped me and I don’t have that overwhelming fear now that I once had!
    #4 The attachment to material things is something I have certainly struggled with especially things that are related to my children…so far she has not been too bad about taking things that are precious to me. However, I’ve really had to establish boundaries, along with the help of my legal (Legal Aid) helpers, to stop her when she disregards boundaries and that is beginning to work better….
    #5 At different times I have actually felt sorry for the narcissist but I know that is not the right thing for me to do! She is NOT worth it!
    #6 The narcissist’s behavior has been so toxic and so intolerable and, sadly, I still sometimes think that she should be forgiven! Yes, I still do!
    All of the above, being with a narcissist, exploited and abused by the narcissist has made many very difficult challenges for me and I know for many others who are following you as well….It is so sad!
    However, I know that things are better for me, and others who follow NARP, now, than they were before and they WILL get better, 💪
    I know this because I believe so strongly in what you teach us and how you give us methods and techniques and hope and encouragement to manage all of these things that are so difficult for us when we are involved with narcissists…
    This article, today, Melanie is absolutely extraordinary! I think I got more help from this today than I have from anything in quite some time and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart!
    I loved very much your metaphor about the spiderweb! Sometimes I like to think of the narcissists as “wolves in sheep’s clothing”!
    Thank you for giving so much of yourself to not only me but to this whole planet earth…. May you be blessed and continue to have the strength to do this because so many of us need this kind of guidance that you share, so selflessly, for all of humanity…. much love, Melanie! Thank you, Melanie!
    ❤️🦋❤️

    1. Dear Peter,
      There was once upon a time, a lovely girl who entered my life. Definitely a past life connection, because my blood ran cold when we met … but the bit I wanted to add here is about the spider’s web. She used to look at me with a twinkle in her eye and say : “Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly.” Luckily for me I did not get trapped on that occasion, but she hung around conjouring tricks for the longest time and I could not get rid of her, until eventually I resorted to exorcism to free my soul.

      1. Hi Karena
        Thank you for posting your lovely comment! If I remember right from Charlotte’s Web it kind of goes like this! “What a tangled web we weave when we choose to deceive”! Oh my gosh, they all seem to do that same thing! I’m glad that you were able to extricate yourself from the web you found yourself in! Thank you so much!

    2. Hi Peter,

      I’m thrilled that this deeply resonated with you and granted you very powerful “markers” to see where you are at.

      Thank you for your kind words and blessings and please know how welcome you always are.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  3. This article is spot on! It is exactly what keeps you hooked! I hung in there for years and years. He finally died suddenly a few months back and since then I have been sifting through things (both emotional and material) and liberating myself from all the garbage. It feels odd to ask myself “What do YOU want and need?”

    I wish this kind of information would have been available about 40 years ago. I would have steered clear of him altogether!

    Regards

  4. Dear Mel,
    I’d have to reword all shifts because I can’t connect with the word Source – but I don’t know with what to replace it.
    I can’t connect with any higher power. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I tried through NARP to feel a connection to Source/higher power- I don’t.
    I feel a cringe in my body any time Source or higher power is part of a sentence because I feel I’m supposed to feel great by saying it but I don’t.
    I do believe there is a higher energy I can’t understand but I can’t connect to it.
    I say it with outmost respect. I have done NARP – it was incredibly helpful and absolutely love your blogs, but although I’ve set it up as a goal to connect with Source/higher power and NARPed about it: I don’t feel it.
    I still wish I could connect with a Source greater than me, like you and many others do. But I don’t feel it. Please let me know if you have any suggestions 🙏❤️

    1. Hi Jane.
      I too had trouble connecting with the word ” Source “but I use other definitions as replacement words as Melanie has suggested to do, such as My Soul Guide, My Inner Being, My True Knowledge, My Inner Strength etc.
      Use words that empower you and make you feel invincible!

  5. Dear Melanie,
    Thank you for this profoundly insightful article. I am particularly thrilled with, and grateful for, the Remedies you provided at the end; so very Powerful. I’m slowly working my way through NARP and can hardly wait to get to the Goal Setting section to use those powerful statements.

  6. Melanie…you are truly Awesome and Amazing!
    Your blogs have helped me immensely…

    A few things I have learned…

    Narcissists are a “funhouse mirror” we simply cannot see ourselves clearly in their (lack of true) reflection…

    I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself, took my thumb out of my mouth and grew up…not easy, very painful but no other way…

    I am beginning a néw relationship with an exceptional, also previously narc abused “normal”, caring empath like myself…

    I asked her to point out my blind spots, I asked her to teach me how to keep a woman…
    In just thinking of who she would be with…

    Unconditional Love was easy…loving another by choice of just who they are…warts and all…
    Then came that I must give her unconditional trust…so as not to project my past crap and experiences on her…but I realized…I can’t give away what I don’t have myself.
    God has forgiven me much… don’t deserve the beauty my life is now..
    It is His Gift…one I needed to accept and humbly grant myself…

    I now trust myself unconditionally…sure the few mistakes I make will need to be rectified…always a consequence…good or bad…

    We will be married soon…I am finally trying God’s Way…get to know each other before sex…and she is way cool with that…

    Me TOO!

    Love to all!

    James

  7. I would say that all 6 factors were bound up with my choice not to leave the narcissistic relationship l was in for 22 years. The hold he had over me was visceral and l totally believe in past life connection. When l finally stepped away it was so easy, and now l find l can view him at an emotional remove with empathy for the damage he suffered when he was young, but never forgetting the damage he chose to inflict on me and my children.
    Your 6 shifts are absolutely spot on – thank you so much for the work you do – it is so validating 🧡

  8. Mel, I just wanted to leave you a big thank you for this blog, which I keep returning to again and again as I try to leave my narc husband of 42 years. I have now done all the financial and practical preparations, even with the migraines and health problems making for very slow progress. . . but progress it is and I celebrate each little triumph! Still, it’s the cognitive dissonance that is doing a number on me every time I think of finally pulling the plug, and the information you have provided on each of the 6 reasons for being stuck has been invaluable.

    After clearing out so much old stuff, It has finally come down to being able to stand up for my own truth, yet each time I imagine facing “the beast” my thinking gets fuzzy on what the truth actually is about what I’ve been through all these years. I’m quite sure that what I’m experiencing is normal for anyone in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, and thankfully the signs that I’m de-enmeshing myself keep nudging me forward. Your analogy of the fly caught in a spider’s web, being wrapped up in lies and deceptions and mind games, is so perfect!

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