There is no logic to narcissistic abuse, nor is there a logical way to combat it.
And your logical mind will not lead you to your emancipation from abuse. I, and countless others, have tried this route but without success because this is the old way of combating a narcissist and it just doesn’t work.
This is a spiritual battle you’re in. This isn’t a logical war that you’re waging so you have to look at this in a counter intuitive way.
Step out of your fear and purposely do the inner work that I did so you can break free.
Today’s Thriver TV episode is about stepping into your true power and releasing the trauma, heartbreak, disbelief, and emotional confusion that was brought on by the abuse.
Video Transcript
In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about why narcissistic abuse is not logical and neither is how to combat it, how your level of spiritual consciousness determines the power that you’re going to have against a narcissist or not, and how the anchoring of spiritual light is not just your greatest defence, but also your emancipation from abuse.
Okay, so just before we get started, I am so excited to let you know that I’m hosting a global one-day intensive healing workshop, which is called You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse on the 26th and the 27th of September. This event is going to help you heal for real from narcissistic abuse. So to check it out and secure your spot, you can click on the link that appears on this video.
The Old Way Of Combating This Doesn’t Work
All right, let’s get started. So I want to start off by talking about the old way of combating a narcissist that doesn’t work. We all know that narcissists do disgusting things, they cheat, they lie, they have no conscience, they accuse you of what they do and they gaslight, and they get other people to believe their lies.
They play divide and conquer. It’s horrific. It’s a head screw. It’s the worst possible thing that you’ve probably ever imagined or ever gone through.
The more you try to combat the narcissist by trying to hold him or her accountable, or expose them, try to get other people to see the truth and fight back, generally what happens is the worse things get, the more deeply you get mired in it. People don’t believe you. The narcissist gets energized like a shark does in the ocean with blood, and it just gets worse and worse and worse.
Why Your Level Of Consciousness Is Important
See, this is the thing that you may not have realized is why your level of consciousness is so important.
You won’t win against a narcissist while you’re in your head, and you’re in beta brainwave and you’re traumatized, and you’re trying to strategize ways to beat them or get out of this, or save yourself, or save the ship that’s sinking with all of your resources or stop the narcissist from taking your children in court.
In fact, logic is your enemy. It’s your enemy. It doesn’t work.
You have to look at this in a counter intuitive way, not the way that you would normally think that you can win, because narcissistic abuse brings about the point blank reality of so within, so without.
This is a spiritual war that you’re in. This isn’t a logical war, this is a spiritual war. And if you are traumatized, and you’re in fear, or heartbreak, or disbelief, or emotional confusion, then whatever you do from that inner place is going to co-produce, with the situation with the narcissist, more of that.
This is what happens. And you just need to check in with yourself if you are in a state of trauma and you’re triggered and you’re feeling powerless and helpless, and you’re feeling panicked – if you act from that place and try and do things, well then you attract the lack of support, you attract the court situations, and even the solicitors and the judges that are going to bring you more traumatization, and more powerlessness, and more fear.
This is what I was so shocked to experience in my own life was that when I was being abused by proxy with authorities and I was so traumatized and upset, and crying, and pleading, and trying to get them to see the truth of what was happening to me – they thought I was the crazy one.
He was cool, calm, and collected, and everything spun back on me and the abuse by proxy and the smearing. Everything was falling apart in my life with my accountant, with my real estate agent, with the police, with even family and friends. I was smeared as the crazy one. And from a point of feeling traumatized on the inside, that’s what my experience became.
So the thing is how you have to work with narcissistic abuse, whether it’s on a personal level or a collective level, is this is a calling to rise up into your true fearless, sovereign, authentic self.
Becoming The Light
So this is about transmuting the darkness, which is the fear, and the trauma, and the pain into light. This is about releasing the darkness and anchoring in the light. This is where we awaken to understanding that your greatest mission on this planet is to fill with light.
You might wonder what light is.
Well, it’s goodliness, it’s God, it’s Source, it’s Creation, it’s love, it’s truth, it’s true power.
And when you release your fear and you purposely do the inner work to know that you are the light, you’re supported by light, and you have the power of light, and truth, and authenticity flowing through you, then you realize how powerful you are.
And you understand the truth about the myth of vampires. When a vampire is pulled into the light, they shrivel up, they scream, they shriek, they’re destroyed. A narcissist can only operate in your world through your fear and your pain in the shadows.
When you stand in your sovereign truth and light being that, then the narcissist can no longer keep abusing you and dragging you through court systems and dragging you through the trauma that they’ve been doing with you. So unapologetically and powerfully by becoming light, that is your best defense.
Then what you discover is as the light, as your true, authentic self, then you are connected to all of the field that can partner you, just as you’ve partnered yourself and the light, and then the world and life forms to support you with the right people, the people seeing the truth, the right solicitor, the right judge, the right authorities to join you in the light.
I know this may seem really ethereal and it may seem even woo hoo, but when you start living this way, you discover that trying to combat the darkness while you’re in fear and pain doesn’t work. And when you become a powerful light, knowing you are supported by the light, then you start seeing that unfold and you realize how powerless narcissists are. They can only exist in the shadows and in your fear.
What I discovered in my life is when I stopped trying to combat the narcissist directly and I let go and detached, and I came into my own body to release darkness and anchor in and become the light, the solid light, all of his tricks and his strategies fell to bits.
People that have believed him turned 180 degrees, saw the truth and came back into my life. Everything that had been ripped away from me and destroyed, started flowing back with even greater opportunity than I had even previous to the abuse.
I’m so grateful for going through the experience because my life up-levelled to a place of personal power, authenticity and light that I’ve never ever known. That’s how I know that this is a calling to a spiritual adjustment and spiritual graduation of the highest order.
Conclusion
I’d love you to come with me so that we can spend a whole day together where I can show you how to make this shift and how it is going to render the narcissist powerless to hurt and affect you.
So I’d love you to join me for an entire day in my one-day intensive healing workshop, which is called You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse on the 26th and the 27th of September.
This all-day live online workshop is to help you heal from any abusive situation, become narcissist-proof, and create a new life that bears no resemblance to the one that you’ve been suffering and living with a narcissist.
Myself and my team, we ran this event back in May, we had over a thousand attendees in it, and we had so much fun. It was amazing. And so many people have let us know ever since how much it’s helped them, and this is why we’re doing it again, and we know a lot of those people want to come in and join in again.
But if you never have, this is the second ever time I’ve done it, I’d love to invite you to join me so that you too can release the pain, the fear, and the confusion, and start to claim the life of love, truth, confidence, and dreams that is your soul right to live.
So click the top right at the screen, or go to melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass to get all the info and reserve your ticket.
As always, I love to answer your questions and your comments below and I can’t wait to be doing this event with you.
Your work has been so helpful! Before I learned from your research, I thought I was the only one and had no idea what had happened. After the mask was removed, I saw the truth! But only through the powerful healing at a deeper level. Thank you!
You are very welcome R,
I’m very happy that I could help.
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie,
I experienced an incredible shift on Sunday. It re-toke my power, my love of myself, and my forgiveness of the situation. In 1993, the husband, I was married to yet separated from, lured me to his house a couple weeks after my father died. He slipped me Rohypnol and raped me repeatedly throughout the night. I was 33 at the time and I never processed what happened to me because I was very grieved by father’s death. So basically I stuffed the memory but the anger was always right under the surface. Long story short, I purchased your program and practiced it over a summer almost two years ago when I wasn’t working. Anyway a lot has happened the past 18 months. I am working with a therapist and equine therapy. Last Saturday while working with the horse, Cloud, I suddenly recalled the incident. I felt very uncomfortable that evening. Sunday it was really intense and I called the director of the equine therapy. She instructed me to lay down and breath – counting to ten, and then repeat. What happened next was I relived the violence and trauma of that night. My limbs were numb and my torso and pelvic area were in great distress. I worked through all of this. It took at least an hour of screaming and letting go of the evil that happened to me; my therapist was on the phone giving me encouragement. I have to tell you that knowing this was a “normal” process to do in order to clear the trauma and to heal helped me so much. Your program prepared me for the spiritual shift that happened Sunday. My body and my heart, my being was ready to let go after all these years. My heart is full with self love and forgiveness. I’m going to build on this as it is my new foundation. Thank you Melanie!!
Hi Lynn,
I am so sorry that you went through this all those years ago, and I’m very happy for you now that you have been able to let it go and go free from that trauma.
So much love and continued joy to you Lynn
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel, the absolute truth and near impossible to explain to someone who has bever experienced this. Lucky them! I just wanted to ask you what would you say is the difference in being triggered to get a reaction from a person or to make that person angry and just being downright hurtful and disrespecting. The difference in the person receiving the hurtful comments/actions not the person dishing it out. I had an experience a couple of weeks ago where i did NOT get triggered to the point of screaming anger but i was left absolutely speachless and feeling very hurt and stupid, like a told off little kid. What is going on in me when this happens??
Hi D,
Oh yes, no one can understand this unless they have been through it. How could they?!
Being triggered is the hitting of an unhealed internal wound, activated by hearing or experiencing something that personally “hurts” rather than being “healed up inside” enough for it to just as land as “wow that’s your stuff!”
This is why being triggered grants you a profound ability to self partner and heal inside what is going on – to graduate in your development and wholeness and wellbeing. As well as of course able to no longer be derailed and hooked in by abusive people.
I hope that this helps explain.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
I absolutely resonated with this post. I’ve been in an abusive conundrum with a parent that has Narcissism, my mother has undiagnosed BPD for all of my life. You’ve inspired me to look at my situation more clearly. Having been stuck in a battle of defensive reactionary “power” that gets me no where in terms of healing, personal power,and resolution. Frustrating. Recently, I have come to understand that as a deeply spiritual person I have to approach this differently so that I can claim my authenticity, sovereignty, and LIGHT.
It’s not easy, at times downright depressing and limiting, due to the abusive games they play. But i know with a spiritual focus i can finally defeat the demon and prosper as a soul after all it is my birthright.
I look forward to your webinar!
S.
Hi Sequoia,
I’m very glad that this spoke to you!
I love that you are ready to ascend to the next level of healing.
I look forward to seeing you in the Workshop too!
Mel 🙏💕💚
Notes, drawn from inner experience called up into awareness by this video of 9/16/2020: You have to involve, apply the spiritual “level” as well as the physical. And if the physical is not involved, the spiritual cannot be also. The mind will eventually be assisted enough, along with the body, to remember that it all depends on the extent to which the spiritual is not forgotten along with the physical. The potential “victim” was not allowed to be supported in knowing of this, was not even communicated with in these terms, so the mind became independently satisfied with delusion and reason devoid of soul instead. And when it did manage, with help, to move toward stating the truth of its perspective, however connected or disconnected to body or spirit, it was again not acknowledged but given silence, if not denial and confusion coming from some gradient of narcissism, whether abusive or well-meaning in intent. How many times? Every time actors are there to fill the roles upon a vacuous stage design where body and spirit are not noticed to be absent. And life is carried forth on its ongoing,current normal.
Hi Michman,
thank you for your lovely contribution again.
I have to say – I really need to concentrate with your posts.
In the “stress” that is Melbourne at the moment … and my need for lots of healing, I may need to come back to this!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I think that social traumatization and trauma resolution processes are a part of what I wanted to get healthy enough to be ready for — to not make wrong choices, and to not internalize and unconsciously warehouse more social trauma, which it seems can be done quite gradually and subtley, I guess I wanted to be able to surf it and survive it, with some expectancy at a wordless level to also learn somethin from it. I wonder if you have gone through anything similar in relation to society. I would think you have, because of the reciprocative influencing and healing sensibilities you’ve practiced over the years, or decades. In my case, my early experiences with abandonment and familial alienation made me unconsciously use society at large as my support and even caretaker, with many facets and large institutional embodiments to compensate for lacks of real caretaking. I have shed that imaginary relationship, but that’s probably a denial, since I can feel the residue of it in my body fabric. It also feels like this subject matter can also sound some deep chords — the kind that take a while to encompass and identify with one’s felt sense. Anyway, I’m rooting for you and everyone “doing” this kind of thing, in a kind of comradery.
I was about to “battle” with like for like starting today, in the hopes that I’d draw out the worst and finally get my vindication, I guess, or at least get discarded. I’m tired of not being heard or seen, of him picking out 0.05% of what I’ve said when I’m begging him to hear me…and the 0.05% is the least important piece…just filler in what obviously becomes my diatribe of feelings and emotions and frustrations shared, yet the important pieces all just hit an imaginary wall and slide off…never being heard, understood, felt at all.
So after asking for 3 days to “talk” and realizing he doesn’t care enough to even give me 15 minutes to “share” (try to at least, because I think he’s human and has compassion for the partner who’s hurting…hahahaha…yeah, no) and to listen to me and at least tell me how HE sees things (I just want to understand how he can hear my pain and hurt, and nothing, nada, just counters all of it with idiotic repeating of the 0.05% filler in my words he picks up), I was going to drop to his level and start communicating the same way.
And then this video came into my space this morning, and I realized I have to reach for and be the light, and KEEP IT ON this time…I know we’re over, I’m just buying time to sort the physical stuff out in my head and get the courage to take that leap. But in the meantime, I’ve got to rise above this last incident, move forward inside of me FOR me, and find peace with it.
I don’t believe him anymore, I don’t want to hear his empty words and non existent emotions, I don’t want to tolerate his negativity in my space, so I’m going to module lots and move above this, be the grey rock so to speak, or disengage regularly now. Bit by bit, the tentacles will be cut and there’ll literally be nothing left between us to ever tie us together. We’re almost there…we share meals and TV watching…that’s it now, after 3 lousy years married.
Thank you so much, Melanie, for reminding me to rise above and go within and be the light. I needed this today. XO
Hi Michelle,
Im so pleased that this reminded you to get out of your head, turn inward and keep healing.
That is where your courage, support and emancipation will come from.
Truly – you have got this and NARP has you!
Also, think about joining me in my one day workshop – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass – it will give you a BIG boost.
Sending you love, power and strength
Mel 🙏💕💚
I hav
Wow! This was amazing learning about narcissistic abuse and the spiritual battle. The inner work you did to release this spiritual battle was powerful. I saw myself standing there as this 6yr old little girl or maybe even seven. Being shy, not being confident and with a posture to please my older self. I realized that I was brought up to be a people pleaser. This is how I always ended up with the shorter end of the stick. So as you kept on working with me on a deeper level. I reached inside of myself. I let go of the fear and disappointment. I reached out to myself with so much love, compassion and light. When I came back to the room. I realized that I felt so much lighter. I felt safe, secure and loved. It’s such an amazing feeling. Really, Melanie. This self partnering felt so good. God bless you. You are doing amazing work. I feel blessed. Thank you for adding infinite value to my life.Love. Lee
Hi Lee,
I am so thrilled that you felt that shift!
That is so beautiful.
You are doing an amazing job of your healing Lee and it is an honour to partner with you!
Mel 🙏💕💚
I have been narping for 18 months. Excellent results and more to go!! Boiling it all down to they and their tricks can only exist in my fear is such a great simple bottom line. All of the modules address this I suppose. If I wanted to be very direct with this with narp, might I do a goal setting “I live in the light” or SH&R “this fear of narc “ as examples. Thank you!! Many blessings!!
Hi Laura,
I am so thrilled that you have had great results with NARP.
Yes, you can address any belief or state or trauma very directly with the SH and R. I would suggest doing that!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Mel,
I am starting from the beginning and am still coming to terms with my own experience of this kind of abuse. I have also started seeing a psychologist who specializes in trauma and has been insightful. I have gotten the concept that our inside world creates our experiences and trauma does re-enact etc however I am still literally ‘hearing the narcissists berating, instilling fear and doubt and all that kind of confusion that went on’ even though I have disconnected physically. There was a lot of gas lighting done and I honestly felt my mind was twisted inside out and is still going round in circles. I get I was not dealing with normal people and that sociopaths do not operate like normal people with a human wiring however the confusion is stuck in my head and all I am going to say is boy did they do a number on me as I had encountered two of these dangerous kinds it left me doubting my own perceptions, self judgement and so much more. Anyway I will join the workshops as it sounds ideal but is what I have discribed a common theme?
Thanks
Carrie
Hi Carissa,
hun please know those thoughts keep banging around as a symptom of the literal energetic trauma still stuck inside.
This is why it is so important to have a process to literally RELEASE the trauma so that it is no longer operating within you.
Absolutely what you are going through is so common, and you will see, learn and experience in my upcoming workshop how to break free from this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass
I hope that this can help Dear Lady
Mel 🙏💕💚
Hi Melanie!
Gosh, I’ve missed you! Love your sweater, btw.!!! This is SUCH a powerful video, thank you. Never will I refuse these Truths that God has brought to me over the past 2.5 years, and ESPECIALLY through you. It’s kept me SO grounded, and I’m So very grateful! Never in my past was I able to follow through with these Truth Realities until He brought me to those like yourself. Please everyone, “Don’t turn back to the lies, but proceed forward into the Truth”! This precious woman is a Godsend & a Blessing! Allow her experience to walk you through to the other side of freedom.
Love, Aneas
Hi Aneas,
thank you for your lovely words!
So much love to you and keep Thriving
Mel 🙏💕💚
Your posts, videos are helpful.
Not sure I fully understand how to shift. With the psych abuse and lies, threats, what is the demeanor one should adopt? How do you get people to do the 180? Is it remaining calm and defending the truth and boundaries? Is it never showing hurt or anger?
What is the best way to shut off the brain at night? The grief and adrenaline take over.
Why is it that the person who is honest, has done all the hard work (caring for a family member), etc., gets hit the hardest, though the abusers know you are the good one and do not care what they say or do to you?
These are not people in my home or at work.
Thanks.
Hi Catherine,
I would love to show you how to shift and get your calm and power back.
If you can please come into my one-day event it will help you so much, to achieve these things, as well as answer many of your questions in-depth.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass
If you cant for the full day, then I thoroughly suggest my 2 hour free workshop http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I really hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💚
Dear Melanie,
Can you say more about how to proceed when the person being used by the narcissist to abuse you by proxy is your own child? This started up when she was 18, she’s now 23.
Thank you!
Hi Faye,
my heart goes out to you – that must be so painful.
Please google my name plus the topic “If your child is narcissistic”. I do have a few resources that I believe can really help you with this.
Sending you strength and healing
Mel 🙏💕💚
I don’t know where I’d be without the awareness you and others have brought. I grew up in a family and I thought this was just the way people were. And it has played out over 40 years of adulthood. If only people had been aware sooner, myself included. If one believed in such things one would say it was demonic or at least symbolically so. The person really hated and mocked love and light. And clearly said and did things that were “evil”. Its like they are possessed and they also have fairy dust power. And was so envious/hated of all she couldn’t give or experience and derided all these things. The DSM-5 does such a disservice. “Your 23 bullets in “Are You With a Narcissist?” are so helpful as we hope they are on the spectrum only, and not over the line, and it is so vital to face it. This person hit 20 out of 23 and often word for word and so much the way that it was. Thanks again.