Typically, narcissistic women will set out to snare new supply – by using their appearance and overt sexuality.
The narcissistic woman is deeply insecure and empty on the inside, and more interested in maintaining her looks and what she can get from people, than their feelings or needs.
She can be caring and cunning too – being everything you want her to be.
Discover more differences AND the similarities between female and male narcissists in this Thriver’s TV episode.
This Thriver TV Episode is one you men want and may really need to understand – because many a narcissistic woman has been able to dupe a decent, generous, caring man, emptying him out of his emotions, resources and sanity.
But this episode is also applicable to gay women and both genders regarding both friendships and business matters.
Absolutely, female narcissists exist. Narcissism is not gender specific, and this is what Today’s Thriver TV episode is all about. So stick around to find out how to spot a female narcissist, as well as how to protect yourself from one.
Okay, before we dive in, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet, I’d love you to – and also please hit the like button if you enjoy this video!
Now let’s get started…
One For The Guys?
I know that some men think I only talk about male narcissists in my videos and blogs. Please know this is SO not true. Narcissism is narcissism and the behaviours are scarily similar between every narcissist, regardless of sex and who they are in your life!
Also, I want you to understand that the way to heal, for real, from any narcissist is identical.
This applies regardless of your gender, who the narcissist was in your life, and even how the abuse happened. In our wonderful Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) Community, there are many men (straight and gay) healing from the devastation of narcissistic relationships – including of course with women!
So even though this TTV Episode may seem like it is one for the guys, it is for all of us, just as every publication I do is NOT gender specific.
Now let’s get down to it.
The Same Behaviour of Narcissistic Women and Men
The following is CRUCIAL to understand…
There are very few differences between the characteristics of narcissistic men and women, because when a person is operating from a False-Self interior they behave in almost identical ways.
And … I totally don’t want this TTV to be about demonising women, just like I am not in the business of demonising men. We need to understand that certain character traits are necessary to define a narcissistic person of any gender.
Just because a woman cares about her appearance does not automatically define her as a narcissist – just like a man who cares greatly about his professional image and financial success, as many women do too, is not automatically a narcissist either.
Now let’s look at the behaviours of narcissistic women that are IDENTICAL to those of men – including the one definitive distinguishing characteristic of a terminally narcissistic person – ‘I will NOT take the responsibility to meet and heal my wounds, and work on myself in order to change my behaviour and life.’
Both female and male narcissists, seeking people to mine attention, acclaim, sex, power, contacts, resources and the like, do these identical things:
- Size up their targets and know how to appeal to exactly what THAT person wants to hear and receive.
- Fact finds a person’s weak spots (their insecurities). Offer support, validation, and care, which this person feels they don’t receive from others, and then turn the tables and start attacking these weak spots with criticism, nasty action and abandonment tactics.
- Pretend to be supportive of the people, passions and things in your life, and then start discrediting and sabotaging them.
- Need constant ‘ego-feeding’ with stuff, attention, significance and their version of respect and acclaim.
- Punish mercilessly when the False Self is not fed adequately.
- Do the push-pull game: ‘I reel you in and then I cast you out.’
- Can take out masterful smear campaigns against you.
- Are controlling, possessive and insecure, and react in rageful ways that mature adults simply don’t.
- Can strip you bare emotionally, mentally and financially.
- Commonly position the children against you and attempt child alienation.
- Project blame and argue with you in circular ways that leave your head spinning.
- Refuse to be durably accountable. Apologies take far too long if they do come, and then don’t hold weight or last. The narcissist continues to re-offend.
- Harbour and keep bringing things up to punish you with – despite saying they were resolved in the past.
- Play tit for tat – delivering punishments that do not fit the supposed crime (except in their own heads).
- Make you feel you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. This person can never be appeased.
- Toss you into the gutter without a second glance, when they cannot get what they want anymore or you have been emptied out.
Awful, isn’t it?
I promise you, in the ten plus years I’ve helped people from all over the world achieve Thriver Recovery, these things happen to EVERYONE at the hands of a narcissist – no matter the gender or the sexual orientation.
So, if you truly think that ONLY women do this, or you think the same about men, think AGAIN!
Okay, now let’s get down to the DIFFERENCES.
What Characterizes A Female Narcissist?
The things that I am talking about now are the typical narcissistic female characteristics. Mind you, not ALL narcissistic women fit this description.
Please note, in some cases I am describing the characteristic with ‘him’ being the recipient. Yet this applies to gay female narcissistic relationships also.
The most obvious difference between a narcissistic woman and a man is the way in which she will snare new supply – by using her appearance and overt sexuality.
In the case of heterosexual relationships, men are very visual and sexually enticed, and narcissistic women know that their attractiveness, being flirtatious and having a willingness to grant him sexual attention is a great asset. Naturally, this can and does also work with gay women.
(The same can be said for male somatic narcissists, gay or straight, who use their physical beauty to snare potential mates.)
Traditionally, the difference between narcissistic men and women is that highly effective narcissistic men will use power, success and resources to capture new supply because they know it works!
In a woman’s DNA, ‘security’ is attractive to her. In a male’s DNA, it is ‘procreation’ with a physically appealing mate.
Now, because a female narcissist is inherently a female, who suffers from security fears, as well as being intensely entitled, her target is likely to be a nice, successful, hardworking guy, who is generous to a fault and wants to be a good provider.
This suits her high-maintenance and very expensive lifestyle – granting her all the right products and accessories to maintain her ego-necessary beauty, as well as grant her the significance that her False-Self craves.
Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of money, but she is after something – connections or some sort of security; maybe even a free, temporary roof over her head, until she is on her feet and can find better supply.
It is very common for narcissistic women to upgrade from one partner to another.
The expression ‘beauty is skin deep’ applies. The narcissistic woman is deeply insecure and empty on the inside, and more interested in maintaining her looks and what she can get from him, than his feelings or needs.
All of this becomes more and more obvious after she has captured him.
Being Everything You Want
Regardless of whether a narcissistic woman appears in your life as a potential romantic partner, business associate or a friend, she will be charming and caring.
She will demonstrate how loyal she is – she appears to be committed and caring; a team member who has your back.
It is SOOO usual for her to go over and above the call of duty to show she cares about YOU as a PERSON.
Like all narcissists, it is an act.
It’s a powerful act.
She knows how to use her feminine wiles to incite people to care about her, as well as how to work out what role people want from her.
Is it someone with the smarts and credentials to help in business?
Is it someone to help look after children or loved ones?
What food do people like to eat?
What help do they want around the house?
What deep and personal thing do you need to talk to someone about and feel supported with?
Who can you call at any time of day to feel that someone genuinely cares about you?
In the case of romance – what are your deepest desires and fantasies?
It’s not surprising that the recipient of a narcissistic woman initially believes they have met the dream friend, business or love partner of their life.
She’s smart, capable, a wonderful asset to have around, and seems to genuinely love and care about you. Everyone in your life loves her as well. She makes certain of it.
However, like all narcissistic façades, the cracks appear – sooner rather than later.
The brittle, easily triggered, possessive, insecure creature emerges. She becomes critical, entitled, selfish and demanding.
Whoever lets this woman into their life starts becoming her emotional punching bag – bit by bit being blamed for her self-torment and anything that goes wrong (which is plenty).
The sad truth is this: a narcissistic woman (like narcissistic men) is a ’professional parasite’; a bottomless pit, who can never be made happy no matter what anyone gives her.
Are There Warning Signs?
This I want you to understand about narcissistic women (as well as ANY other narcissist you come across) – there are NO warning signs!
They show up appearing lovely, wonderful and genuine! But lovely, wonderful and REAL genuine people also turn up like this!
So, how DO you tell the difference?
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again – NO narcissist walks into your life, sticking their hand up announcing that they are a sociopath about to rip your life apart!
You recognizing a narcissist has NOTHING to do with them.
It has EVERYTHING to do with YOU!
These are the relevant questions you need to ask yourself. Have you…
Taken your time to get to know someone – their character and WHO they really are – before letting them into your life, business matters, home, heart, bed and body?
Asked the difficult questions when things feel off?
Requested proof and done investigative research on someone’s credentials if you DON’T fully believe them?
Laid boundaries and said ‘no’ if a request feels uncomfortable to you?
Kept seeing the people and doing the things that are your life, when a new person comes into your life?
Got clear about what abuse is and what it isn’t?
Confronted, stated your truth and stuck to it, even if someone has tried to manipulate you?
Walked away from someone who is abusive, regardless of what hope you had for them in your life?
Known your own worth and value, regardless of what someone else has or hasn’t been or done?
I’m going to be straight with you, if you can’t honestly answer these questions as ‘yes’ then you are susceptible to narcissists from both genders.
If you are honest with yourself – you will KNOW exactly why.
If you CAN answer these questions as ‘yes’, then NO narcissist will get past your boundaries. She (or he) will EASILY be flushed out or will disappear before risking something happening.
That is when YOU will have distinguished whether someone is a narcissist or not – BEFORE you get damaged. When you see them unravel in front of you or sneak off back into their shadows because they can’t both hang out with you and stay in the shadows at the same time.
Then you will say, ‘Oops there goes another one!’
If you aren’t in your power in this way, then the ONLY time you will spot a narcissist is when it is too late. They are already under your skin, entrenched in your life and creating havoc – like a terrible parasitical disease.
And you will only find out because their mask fully drops.
Do you understand NOW – REALLY? If so, I want you to pause this video, and let me know by writing, ‘I REALLY get it!’ below.
If you do the inner work, then you won’t care whether someone is a narcissist or not – because you will be a True Self; someone who is impervious to ANY narcissist – regardless of whether they are female, male or an alien!
I promise you I NEVER look out for narcissists. I couldn’t care less who is or isn’t one. No longer do I try to fruitlessly work out the other billions of people on this planet. How stressful, exhausting, traumatising and what a total waste of time that is!
All I have to BE is supremely authentic, truthful and powerful within myself. Man, it’s liberating. It’s awesome! It’s such a relief to just BE myself!
I got there with Inner Work, the REAL way.
The real inner work doesn’t take decades, and it’s not hard, gruelling and awful.
I promise you – that is NOT the truth!
My healing process to achieve personal liberation and power is direct and happens in record time.
Truly, your Inner Being can’t wait to be free of the pain and the crap you once believed!
So, guys and girls come join me to learn more about the true way to be safe, powerful and free from narcissists, by clicking this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Latest posts by Melanie Tonia Evans (see all)
- Should You Go No Contact With A Family Member? - November 14, 2019
- The Empowered Empath: Mastering Boundaries, Emotions & More! - November 11, 2019
- Am I Being Trauma Bonded? 4 Ways To Know - November 7, 2019