Melanie Tonia Evans

Why Narcissistic Abuse Hurts So Much

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 49
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The pain of narcissistic abuse is beyond description.  Unless you have been through it, you can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like.

We find ourselves looking out into a life that we no longer recognise, having unspeakable inner trauma, with no idea whatsoever how we are going to stay vertical and breathing – let alone ‘deal’.

Nothing seems to make sense and everywhere we look, and everything we try sets off even more surges of pain.

Do we even know who WE are anymore? I know, initially I certainly didn’t …

Why is the pain so horrific? Why does it feel like it may never end?

And why don’t any of the things that used to bring relief work anymore?

Today I’m going to give you the 100% TRUTH about this. And I know this truth will FINALLY set you free.

If you are exhausted with the battle of trying to survive this unspeakable HURT … this is a much watch episode for you.

Because within it – is the solution …

Watch Today’s Thriver TV ….. to discover how to get up and out of the pain … forever.

 

 

Video Transcript

In this Thriver Tv Episode, I’m going to take this really Quantum and really deep. Today you are going to learn the truth.

Is the pain of narcissistic abuse to do with losing a person in our lives and what we thought they offered? No! Is the pain of narcissistic abuse about losing ourselves? That’s closer, but that answer is No as well.

Today, by watching this video you will learn exactly what the pain of narcissistic abuse IS about, and you will know exactly how to get yourself up and out of it in time frames that will astound you.

And, I know from my own recovery experience, as well as working with thousands of other people over the last 10 plus years that even the most crippling of emotional agonies can start dissolving away, very quickly when we know how to reverse the condition of narcissistic abuse effectively.

Okay, now before I go any further into this powerful and deep Quantum information today, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

The pain of narcissistic abuse is not just like a normal relationship breakdown and breakup. The pain is obscene.

 

Why the Pain Is Horrific

Why is it so bad? Why doesn’t time seem to heal and why do we feel like we may be getting better and then continually, to our despair, back-slide down into the pain again?

Can you relate? If so, I want you to let me know how bad narcissistic abuse feels or has felt for you, by giving it a rating out of 10 and writing your rating as well as any other comment you’d like to share in the comment section below.

Okay, let’s get straight to the Quantum Truth of narcissistic abuse. There is so much more to it than what is obvious, it’s a psychic and soul phenomenon that goes way beyond what we may have ever experienced before.

This isn’t just about heartbreak, disappointment and loss, it’s so much more. This is feeling like your soul has been polluted beyond repair. You have no idea how you are going to survive the shards of trauma coursing through you like white-hot pokers, or how you can exist in a world that you no longer recognise, or know how to operate in.

Nothing makes sense anymore, and everything hurts. Every memory, every person, thing or situation by association, every task you try to do, every direction you try to move into, every level of existence that you try to be at. These are all the symptoms of a terrible soul sickness.

Let’s go back to the original questions that I opened this Thriver TV with. It may seem like we lost this person and what they have to offer, but truly that is only the surface level truth. It may seem like we lost ourselves in this toxic relationship. Yes, we did, but there is a deeper much more profound truth to come which is this:

We lost our connection with Source.

Which means that we have no ability to be in contact and flow with Life-force, Wellbeing, Creation, Love, Expansiveness or any of the good stuff.

There is no access to Heaven because we are living in Hell.

 

The Consequences of False Sources

Why has this happened to us? Because we have taken the turn into Wrongtown by assigning a False Source as our True Source, by holding another person responsible for our ‘self’, meaning our fullness of love, approval, security and survival.

When we are not Sourcing ourselves correctly, we can’t live life in our power centre from the inside out. We are instead empty on the inside and dependent on someone or someone else filling the hole for us.

Can you imagine the panic we would feel if we needed an oxygen tank from someone to breathe and they withheld it from us? Of course, we would flail around, and go crazy, trying to do everything we could to get it, until of course we would run out of air and die.

As children, we were adopting all sorts of strategies in order to get our essential ‘oxygen supply’, the love, approval, support, and survival that our Inner Identity craved to develop, and become a whole, healthy, self-actualised adult.

If strategies were needed, such as giving to get and seeking approval through accomplishments or appeasing others even when it was self-abusing to do so, we survived our childhood but didn’t heal our ‘hole’ inside to become ‘whole’.

As adults, the narcissist identified where our existing ‘holes’ still are, appearing to be the answer to filling our inner fractures with their presence and gifts, and we soaked it up like a parched field on a rainy day.

Now, that the narcissist has positioned themselves as our Source of love, approval, security, and survival which are still precarious and unsteady within us, we are enmeshed with an emotional and deep soul dependency to the narcissist.

They have become the promise of the parent that didn’t do it right last time, and even more than this, unconsciously the narcissist has even become our answer for salvation, our God. We have handed our power completely away to this person.

 

Remaining Unhealed

And we may not logically have assimilated any of this yet because so much of it is going on at deep levels of our Inner Being. This is about the young, underdeveloped child wanting to be held and integrated to power, wholeness, and confidence by someone else, which didn’t happen in the first place, and not knowing yet that this job now, as adults, can only be activated and achieved by ourselves.

It’s so interesting because we know that narcissists use people as narcissistic supply, we are the drug dealer to them. But when we have assigned them as our Source, then they are our drug dealer too, in powerful and deadly ways.

And, just like the oxygen tank, or drug that a junkie desperately needs, if it is withheld, or that person demands terrible conditions to be met for you to get it, or threatens to give it to someone else, the pain now soars up and off the Richter scale.

You will literally feel like you are going mad with the trauma, or that you will die.

Or if the narcissist does hand over the apparent love, approval, security, and survival that you crave, all the things that you have not as yet healed and shored up within yourself, there will be a terrible price to pay for accepting it and staying hooked on it. You can bet with every fibre of your being that the narcissist is brokering a deal with terrible agendas in their favour only, and there is no care, empathy or concern for you in this whatsoever.

Here is the deal: This False Source is giving you rubbish, only annihilating false commodities that are designed to destroy you, rather than fill and heal you, whilst the entire time the narcissist is breaking you down further and further to plunder, steal and suck dry from you all that he or she can get.

You may as well be rolling around with a blood-sucking vampire and believe its healthy and pleasurable.

There is no sanity, relief or repair coming from the narcissist, at all. It gets worse! As the abuse deepens, we get even more disconnected from True Source, and more and more focused on trying to get this False Source to do the right thing by us.

Now let’s go into the deep Quantum Truths.

 

What Staying Connected To False Sources Does

The more we are disconnected from Sourcing Self directly through True Source, the more it hurts. The more we try to force False Source to be our True Source the more we get destroyed.

Think, trying to relieve anxiety with cigarettes.

Think, trying to get confidence and relief with alcohol.

Think, trying to get love or approval from a narcissist.

Is this starting to make sense? If so, please let me know in the comments below.

The fact is, we can’t get wholeness from people or things outside of us because the path to True Source is between us and ourselves.

The path is within.

The more we seek it without the things and people we choose to ‘fix’ us only smash us with our feelings of emptiness, yearning, anxiety, feeling lonely, alone or abandoned, fearing annihilation, and feeling like life is too painful to exist in.

Narcissists ramp all this trauma up to a level where there is no avoiding the truth, ‘The more, False Source, I try to get my wholeness from you, the more you will destroy me.’

The pain tells us POINT BLANK this person is a False Source, meaning that we are looking for solution and salvation in the wrong place. Narcissists have no inclination or desire to make us feel healthy, wanted, safe, loved, or secure.

And this may be hard to accept, but I promise you it is the absolute truth, it is not the narcissist’s job to grant us these things. It must come from within. It has to be our own job.

When we haven’t yet accepted this and taken on this essential journey of self, the pain is horrific, because this is the dynamic that we are trapped in, the very basis of co-dependency, trying to control the uncontrollable, which is anything and everyone but ourselves, and ending up more controlled by it and hence more out of control.

Yet, when we are triggered into panic, and stuck in the dependency illusion of a False Source being our Source, it’s compelling, it’s addictive, and we can’t seem to stop ourselves going back in time and time again, even though it’s beating us up terribly.

And, as a result, our fractures get worse. We feel less whole, more powerless, more broken, more traumatised and more helpless. This is the dire and deadly addiction of having assigned a False Source as your Source.

Think of a scale of a diagram. One end we have ‘at one with True Source”. This is known as and feels like, peace, wholeness, confidence, the ability to meet self, self soothe, trust in and align with a Higher Power’s design in life.  And knowing that by managing and aligning self with this Higher Source, and showing up authentically, no matter what other people are or aren’t doing, that you are generating your life experience successfully and abundantly. Additionally, you know that everything in life no matter what it looks like is happening for your higher evolution and greatest joy.

Then on the other end of the scale, we have complete disconnection from True Source and enmeshment to False Sources, which means addictions and powerlessness, generated from being connected with toxic habits and people to try to get relief, love, safety, and wholeness.

It would be like pouring battery acid into your car instead of gasoline and expecting it to drive.

Now, are you starting to understand, and deeply feel cellularly within you, why the pain of this is so horrific?

 

How To Connect To True Source

Okay so to finish off, False Source means we get the rubbish, we are having the experience of being in a toxic wasteland, losing lifeforce, with nothing good to replenish it, whilst suffering excruciating pain.

True Source means being connected to lifeforce, health, wellbeing, the honouring of self, leaving alone what is not for a match for us and cogenerating exciting and loving possibilities with what and who is.

How do we get there? This is how: drop False Sources like a hot potato, turn inwards and meet our Inner Being, and do the work there on releasing all the traumas that are not allowing us to be whole.

As the wounds clear, the light of Source floods in, and you get to know the truth, organically you are already connected to and working directly with the flourishing and nourishing of your True Self and True Source, its just you had so much stuff in the way you weren’t to know this.

And, the more and more trauma that leaves, the more Source can then flow through you as you. That takes the pain away. It goes.

The pain was formerly there letting you know you were is disintegration, rather than integration. It was showing you that you were dissolving, rather than evolving back to remember Who You Really Are.

Once you return to your True-Self state, then the pain has no need to be the signal anymore, nor does the narcissistic abuse symptoms regarding health, finances or any area of your life.

Repair comes and gains momentum very quickly.

This is Thriving! This is the reality I and so many thousands of people, live in this Community as a result of healing our traumas with NARP.

And to show you exactly how this process works, I’m inviting you to come over to my 16 Day free course, where you will find answers, relief and the steps to release yourself from False Sources and start generating life with True Source instead.

Okay, so if you liked this video, click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe and so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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110 Thoughts on Why Narcissistic Abuse Hurts So Much
  • cappy13247@gmail.com'
    Katherine Workman
    February 3, 2019

    Excellent article!

    • juliette_holmes@yahoo.co.uk'
      Juliette
      June 10, 2019

      I have been a heroin addict for 20 years but the last 14 years I have only used recreationally once or twice a year and not regained a habit. I used my work partner for the first 7 years as a barrier and it was great and I was happy. We work and travel so spend all our time together. This amazing guy retired and I met my new colleague who I fancied like mad who was separated from wife and was leaving anytime soon. We got together and even though I knew it was wrong I needed that support. He knew all about that and he was willing to be there for me. we spent a lot of time in other countries so could pretend like there is no problem. Then he attacked me bad when I was leaving him in Singapore for a month or so because my visa was over and I was coming back. I suspect he had a affair when I was away. I have been getting worse over the last two years. Sick all the time. In bed by 9pm to avoid him. I kept saying that we need to finish but the jobs always dictated not so. I got worse and worse. We had a quiet period between the big projects coming up. And I saw my chance. I thought the only thing that would put him off was if I brought drugs into the relationship. Amazingly he could accept that all of a sudden. I then made him allow me to leave work early and do it in the house with him aware. The next day I told him that it was now impossible for us to continue because I had manipulated him and I could do anything I wanted.
      He lost control completely of me and then at me. I shouted and screamed at the window for help. Eventually he left before police came . He then told all my work people that I had attacked him. I didn’t go back. I am self employed. I haven’t worked since end of April and am really struggling. I have money and freedom but I cannot pick myself up from the floor. I am really bad and need help . I think I need more than books. I have been damaged from a early age . Left home at 14.

  • shar59.sc@gmail.com'
    Sharron Cumminng
    February 3, 2019

    Thanks Melanie, I get it. The truth for me is that I have never had my own source. I am 59 and left a Narc Father to be with a Narc partner at the age of 16. We were together for 43 years! Married for 40 years. I knew early on in our relationship that it didn’t ‘feel’ right but just didn’t know what I was dealing with so I just kept trying to make things better eventually becoming a shell. Absolutely exhausted when I sought help. What a relief it was to learn that it wasn’t ALL my fault at all. So here I am away from mu abuser trying to learn just who I am. Really am. I am looking to little me a lot. The photos of little me make me smile and are giving me some insight as to how I could have been if I’d given myself a chance. I am self partnering, hard as it is, I can feel something very special within me and I have no idea how I am going to be when I can release my past abusive experiences. I really am starting from absolute scratch. Its scary but exhilarating. And yes its hurts very much and I thank you for helping me to understand and giving me the tools to heal.

    • Jackieflynt226@yahoo.com'
      Jackie
      February 3, 2019

      Hey, Sharron – I’m so happy for you and proud of you for setting yourself free and starting your journey to Love. It seems you’re well on your way. Sending you Love and Light.

      • shar59.sc@gmail.com'
        Sharron
        February 3, 2019

        That’s so nice Jackie, Thank you!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Hi Sharron,

      I’m so happy for you that you are on the path to deeply healing you.

      It’s my pleasure and wishing you continued healing and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • hairtype@gmail.com'
      Mandy
      February 4, 2019

      Wow Sharon! Our stories are similar! Narc Father and into the arms of a Narc husband at the age of 17, got married at 18 and stayed that way for 18 years. I got out with my two children 3 years ago. I found this course after having a severe panic attack almost two years ago. I’m slowly waking up and self partnering and letting my True Source guide me once again. It all makes so much sense now. Big hugs 💖

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        February 5, 2019

        That’s so great Mandy that you are healing with NARP!

        Continued breakthroughs and blessings to you.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • teresaleclercq@hotmail.com'
      Teresa
      February 6, 2019

      It sounds like finding this program (way of healing) and Melanie’s guidance is going to be (and already has been) very helpful; it has been very much so for me, and I’m still working. I liked your words right away, “I get it.” Hopeful.

    • mycrazycartoons@gmail.com'
      Leslie
      February 14, 2019

      Sharon, I too am 59–almost 60 and married to a Narc for nearly 40 years after leaving my narc mother. We are seven days divorced and now it’s time for me to heal. You inspire me to have hope and to learn who I am. I’m so happy you are finding the tools and have the courage to find your true self. Bravo!

  • carolemcmillan630@yahoo.ca'
    Carole
    February 3, 2019

    Thank you Melanie for shinning a true light on the darkness. I left my 2nd narcissistic husband 7 months ago and I have been processing, healing and slipping back. I have done your 16 day workshop and receive your emails and it has helped me a lot. I know I have a ways to go on this healing journey and truly letting go but I am getting stronger everyday.
    Thank you for your part in my journey.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      You are very welcome Carole,

      I’m so pleased my resources are helping you heal.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • pjstichbury@gmail.com'
        penny stichbury
        February 10, 2019

        Hi Melanie. I have been reading your articles for years. I have been with my narcissist for 17yrs and Ive just found out he has been having an affair for 5 years and possibly a child. We have 2 children 12 and nearly 5. Every word you speak i relate to and word for word is him. He has always cheated. This 1 has really thrown me and this article is exactly where Im at, its so horrific. I use to have your 16day programme however i no longer have that device, and so desperately need to re read all of that. I now know I HAVE to and MUST sign up for the gold healing programne. Because I have already received the 16day programme it isnt allowing me to get it again, is there anyway please I could have it re sent.. Oh says its all over with this girl who is 21 yrs younger and denying the child.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 10, 2019

          Hi Penny,

          I am so sorry you are going through so much.

          Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and one of my lovely staff will be able to connect you up with all that you need.

          Sending love and healing to you and your children.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • labtechme@hotmail.com'
    Randy St.Pierre
    February 3, 2019

    Thank you Melanie, I am finally starting to understand all of this. I signed up for the 16 day course about a month ago and tried to watch daily and read but I have to admit that it was confusing. Some of it made sense while orher parts had me scratching my head. I plan on going through the 16 day course again and I think this time things will make more sense. I can totally relate to many of the things you say, especially about the pain. Just when I start feeling better something triggers all the pain to return and I feel like I did the day it ended. I know this will take time to recover from and I truly believe that your helping me recover, thank you so much for just giving me hope!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Hi Randy,

      That great this is making sense and that you are going to go back and repeat the 16 days.

      I also highly recommend coming into my free workshop and doing Quanta Freedom Healing with me.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      That will grant you the fastest understanding of how to heal from this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • makeover.europeandcanada@gmail.com'
    Mary smith
    February 3, 2019

    It has been 4 years since i filed my divorce and it hurts not hus abscence but hpwjat he did to me rape, identity theft, dead threats, taking my in my child, i even had to leave the country and the divorce unfinished and lose everything… it hurts 1000000000. %

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Awww Mary,

      Biggest hugs and love. Our hearts all go out to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • milicama09@gmail.com'
      Sandra
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Mary, I am so sorry you had to go through all of this, I can understand it because almost the same happened to me, but please know that there is help available, and it’s nothing like conventional therapies that only use rationalizations to suppress painful emotions. I don’t want to sound like I’m advertising Mel’s product, I’m just being honest when I say this program really works, it can literally erase painful emotions, and bring you true relief and strength to heal and rebuild your life, this time on a solid base.

      I remember myself being so sick after all abuse I’ve been through that the only option for me was to be institutionalized. I had no future, no strength or skills to function even at a basic level. NARP came in the last minute, I grabbed that chance and now not only I am becoming free of pain – and trust me there were tons of it, I could scream all day because there was so much of it – but slowly starting to live again, I’m back to finish education, got part of my inheritance that N was blocking, some nice people entered my life and no longer I feel dead and hopeless.

      You can try Mel’s webinar or her YouTube shift (small part of a NARP module)
      https://youtu.be/GuhfFDVDAL0?t=1836
      (skip first 30mins)

      Hope this helps a bit
      Much love <3

      • Jwpt@rogers.com'
        Jacqui
        February 27, 2019

        Great article. I’ve been in nARP since 2017 because I instantly connected to QFH after the 16 day course. I did initially clear out trauma and create some clean rooms in my emotional house but I’ve been very delinquent in doing the work consistently so I can uplevek my life. I get triggered. I self sabatoge I was turning to unhealthy outlets to numb my feelings not realizing till very recently thst numbing bad feelings means you’re numbibg all feelings. I had emotionally emotionally flatlined. I still had a random infrequent text connection to my last narc. I realized last week that that connection, even though very seldom but just having his contact info was like trying to heal while ignoring a raging infection. I immediately deleted the contact info lol it was poison and just that act instantly empowered me to get back to my NARP work. I’m having major breakthroughs and it’s been only a week. I am currently visually impaired so can’t read tje books that came with the program (audio books?$! But I’ve been ding tne module one over and over and will stay with it till I feel I’m ready for two. I feel like my eye issues may even have something to do with having all this unshiftef trauma and toxicity. Like a physical manifestation of myndamaged emotional state. I see unshiftef trauma within is like living in a hoarders house. We can fake it for awhile because we can still find a small space to sleep and access water but then thevtrauma grows so you can’t access any essential part of yourself. Then you have to sleep in your car bc there is no room left in your baggage filled house. That spillover seems to manifest in physical ailments. Your body and soul being desperate to get your attention. When I do the shifting work I literally feel like I’m cleaning out rooms. Empty rooms tidy csn now me filled with joy and every good thing that couldn’t exist when I had no room emotionally.

        Sorry this was long but I had some incredible shifts and connected so strongly to source today. I believe dealing with the Infection (contact info) intellectually and spiritually opened the barrier to my healing

        Sorry for typos. I’m like Mr. MgGoo right now. Lol

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          February 27, 2019

          Hi Jacqui,

          Truly you have done such a great job with this post even though you are having sight challenges!

          That’s so great you are determined to clear the trauma, because you’ve had enough.

          You are kicking huge goals now, and you should be so proud of you.

          Sending you continued strength, blessings and breakthroughs.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Sandiesellsaz@gmail.com'
      Sandie
      February 8, 2019

      Surround yourself with those that love you. Believe you are loved and deserve unconditional love. If you are open to going to church I found that to be a huge help for me…must admit I judged all the “happy” people at church but I went and now I am one of those “happy” people. I still hurt daily but my Narc doesn’t define me anymore.

  • ellemarchant@hotmail.com'
    Elena
    February 3, 2019

    Melanie, i am loving your blog and it is helping me so so much . I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 2 years . It has made me double check my morals, values and beliefs .
    I couldn’t believe how a person can just use people and is proud of his son when he does the same.
    It happened very early on the relationship and ishpuld habe seen the warning signs .
    I am trying to get on with my life , but still find it hard .

  • Bethohalloran@gmail.com'
    Beth
    February 3, 2019

    Thank you Melanie. I can’t begin to tell you how much you have and are helping me get through the pain of my separation. I have listened to your voice each and every day for the past 18 months… with each listen your light gives me hope and literally helps me breathe more easily.
    You are a wonderful person.
    Thanks again,
    Beth

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Awww Beth,

      I’m so pleased I can help and that you are getting there in your healing Dear Lady

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Jess.campb@hotmail.co.uk'
    Jess
    February 3, 2019

    I think I am in a relationship with a narcissist. I hurt everyday as this has been an affair and I feel I am not the only one. I feel so foolish for staying and still can’t belive I have been sucked in. I feel if I could just get him out my head I’d be ok but he is constantly there.

    I feel sick at the thought of him not being in
    My life even though I get very little pleasure from him

  • Jmarie613@hotmail.com'
    Janet Holmes
    February 3, 2019

    Melanie,
    I could never put a name to what my ex was. Always knew something was not right, but soon found out during a long (4 year divorce) and I was only married to him a long and agonizing 2.5 years.
    I stumbled upon your workings and immediately knew exactly what my ex was and when I no longer fed into his supply, the ex ramped up his verbal and physical abuse and the abuse became unbearable.
    Your workings allowed me to recognize the Narsistic ex, and I was able to be strong in court and watch as the ex lied and committed Purgery and made a fool of himself.
    The narsistic ex, when he no longer received the supply support from me, the ex hit the road to start his life over again, and again, as the ex did time and time again, and to find a new source.
    Your work has given me a level of peace and knowledge to recognize a looser, and never contact him again or connect to a worthless bumb, EVER again. I am strong, and I will succeed,! your works are a God send.
    Thank you for your insight and teaching.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Hi Janet,

      How beautiful that you have left all of that behind and are forging your True Life.

      Sending love and continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • robynette001@yahoo.com'
    Robyn Brown
    February 3, 2019

    Thank You for ALLOWING GOD to use you.

    God Bless You Melanie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      Hi Robyn,

      Thank you for your beautiful words.

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • melaniejanern@hotmail.com'
    Mel
    February 3, 2019

    When I started working on myself, my narc pulled away, I always had a suspicion that he was afraid of me. The stronger I got, the more it didn’t work anymore. The more I dealt with my codependency and trying to learn to love myself, I not only lost my tolerance for the games, dishonesty and disrespect but I feel like he knew he no longer had control over me anymore. He was so used to me letting him off the hook and forgiving him that he just expected I would always continue to let him get away with murder! When I realized how much he was lying, how fake the relationship was, it was the most rude awakening ever. Blindsided and devastated. I love how you describe it. The feelings always ring so true when I read your posts.
    Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 3, 2019

      How great you have uplevelled beyond the abuse Mel.

      No matter how painful that is … huge kudos to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • yelseld@hotmail.com'
    Lesley
    February 3, 2019

    So many of us come from families where one of our parents was narcissistic and as children we had no choice but to accept their abuse. We couldn’t walk away, control or stop it. We learned that their abuse was our source of love and survival. Most often our other parent didn’t or couldn’t protect us from the narcissist’s abuse, they were too busy surviving themselves! So we were left second guessing and looking to others to give us what our family of origin couldn’t. But the thing is we had no idea of what a healthy relationship looked or felt like, so we were destined to align with more of what we’d experienced (and felt familiar with), ie another narcissists.

    I had always known something was wrong with my mother, as a teen I thought it was Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from the war. Only during my marriage did I recognise the similarity between these two individuals. My ex-husband was verbally abusive to me and although I always fought back, I stayed. I’d lost all respect for him and despised him but stayed. I hoped that he’d have an accident and die (he was a builder). I hoped that he’d find someone else and leave but he didn’t!

    I knew it was up to me to end the marriage, I was gathering strength and courage. The final straw came when he verbally abused my eldest daughter, I knew he had to go. She even told me “he had to go!” I told him I wanted a divorce, I was on a path of no return.
    It took 6 weeks to get him out of the family home and I’ve never looked back. Co parenting with a narcissist wasn’t easy but it was easier than living with him. I ended my marriage in 1996, 23 years ago and since then have been on a road to recovery. I’ve identified my mother and ex-husband as being covert narcissists and know why I was attracted to them and what I needed to do to heal. I’ve had a few relationships along the way but never lived with them. As soon as the relationship became dysfunctional, I ended it.

    My daughters are now 33 and 31. They’re highly successful in their careers and life. I’ve seen them end relationships that didn’t suit them. I believe that they’ve got their courage and strength from the examples I set for them, as they were growing up. I’m so proud of them.

    In 2013, I met my lovely partner, we have been together 6 years and it’s a great relationship, I’m so blessed.

    Thank you Mel for the wonderful knowledge, insight and help you are bringing to millions of people around the world, it is invaluable x

    • lrt5000@yahoo.com'
      Lynne
      February 4, 2019

      Thank you for telling you story, Lesley. The way you described having a narcissist parent and all that comes from it was perfect. Love and blessings!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Lesley,

      Everything you have written is so true.

      I am so happy for you and your daughters that you led the way.

      We truly do have to be prepared to let go and go through the struggle to get to the other side.

      So much love and continued blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    LindaC
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Melanie, thank you for this video and message. And you are spot on.

    I was with a narcissist simply for the fact that I had zero connection to me. ZERO. So you are so right, and described this feeling of what’s happening perfectly. I get it. Thank goodness I got it.

    Today? I am a happy person who leans into everything that is around me, but more importantly connecting to me. I like this me. I check in all the time with that little girl inside who was hurting so badly. I will never abandoned myself ever again. I am healthier, smiling and hopeful. My story of being with a narc for many years is just that. A story. As a good friend once told me, “you were shopping in the wrong store!” LOL. Today I am creating a new story for me, with me, and I’ve never had so much hope for the future as I do this very moment.

    Thank you for your meditation and lessons. It was because of you I got out of this mess and on my way to healing, recovery and now, I am thriving! You have helped so many people. xoxox

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Linda,

      Thank you for your post … it’s so accurate!

      That’s beautiful that you are partnered with you now!

      Big love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • peginboynton@hotmail.com'
    Peggy Koska
    February 3, 2019

    OH! BOY! Amazing!
    I’m almost at a loss for words…I see and feel so much of myself in this episode. I’m absorbing it now, and I’ll listen again tomorrow.
    I cannot thank you enough for opening my eyes to NPD. I had no idea, until a few months ago, exactly what I’m dealing with, the shock, the trauma and the pain of being narcissisticaly abuse all my life. Beginning with my parents on up to my husband of 30 years, I have really suffered and didn’t even know it.
    Your workshop, your sample healing on YouTube and all of these wonderful episodes on Thriver TV, have made me aware of everything I’ve been up against and hallelujah, guidance out of the mess he left when he discarded and replaced me.
    Thank you Melanie from the bottom of what little remains of my heart. I am so grateful to have found you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Peggy,

      I’m so pleased you found this way to our beautiful community.

      Truly, Dear Lady as the trauma goes and you fill with Source, your heart will in time fill and shine brighter than ever.

      Wishing you incredible blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Belinda.whyte@outlook.com'
    Bel
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    After reading Neil Donald Walsh’s book Conversations With God I had a moment where it just hit me like a thunderbolt inside that I was disconnected and that is why I have had such a hard time in my life and yes have lined up a rack of narcissists, sociopaths and false sources as you say. My childhood was difficult and to be honest with you all I have known much of my life is chaos and have chronic anxiety and depression as a result. Coming out of the illusion was difficult had a lot of anger and resentment but I got there and got out and it has been hard to survive and just manage in life because you are no longer the same anymore and as you said your disconnected from source and that empty feeling your dead on the money with that statement.
    Think it’s time to do your program and go inside.

    Thanks
    Bel

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Bel,

      That’s great CWG was so awakening for you!

      I can’t wait to help you heal and uncover your True Self with NARP!

      Lots of love and please know you’ve got this.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • leazplace@gmail.com'
    Sally
    February 3, 2019

    Amazing you are and how you deliver the truth so well. When healing with your videos, being kind like we are, when the known energy taker is in the family, so boundaries are implemented, it is so easy to think they are nice when they reach out. This happened to me, then they showed awful side within ten minutes. Hurt so much however, a blessing in disguise. Is it normal Melanie’s that after identifying one family member, you suddenly realise there are more then one around you? I was so broken and at my lowest ever in life, then I was assisted by three people, they were all being false and carried out awful things. All cut off now, worth the loss to find myself. This has followed me most of my life, is it that I’ve made a claim and gone within, nursing that inner child and pain that I spot narcs in action everywhere now? Thank you Melanie so much, you will never truly know how you have helped a stranger out of danger. X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Sally,

      At first it can seem that there are toxic people everywhere.

      If you turn inwards and keep focused on your healing you will discover that, over time, with good boundary function there are people, who aren’t NPD who you can have safe relationships with.

      It truly is about your healing now and then the rest will healthily unfold. Take this time for you.

      Sending love and healing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • faith.radford@mail.com'
    Faith
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Tonia,
    I was given your name in a dream and looked it up first thing in morning. To my surprise you were real and talking about the things that have been a big part of my life. I am actually a long time apart from my abuser and now the children have grown too, so luckily I never have to see him. But I’m still struggling. It doesn’t seem fair that I got ptsd and he just had no long lasting affects. But I’m hoping something in your words will just click and I will finally be able to heal in that deep part of myself I can feel is still sad and hurt.
    I know it’s my inner child that was hurt first crossed with grief but I’m just not sure what or how to do it.

  • kingaking41@gmail.com'
    Mon
    February 3, 2019

    Hi i am just leaving the long 12 years mariage he doesnt want to leave used almost all tricks to convince me but i repeat what do you want from me… he cheated lied use me financially but its never enough.. its got to finish …
    I am so tired and you are right.. skirt because there is an empty whole left in me….

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Mon,

      Sending you the strength and courage to do what you know is needed. You deserve your True Self and True Life.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • judy.seymour15@btinternet.com'
    judy seymour
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Tonia, yes, on the button. I can remember thinking, when I was in the middle of this, that I was trying to make good the relationship with my mother but I couldnt take it any deeper. This vid made the connection…that I spent my childhood praying that I would wake up and be the good girl my mother wanted so that I could be loved. And here I was with this man, trying to be good/not be bad all over again, so that he could love me, and also, so I suspect, to finally redeem my relationship with my now long dead mother. Huh! While I’m here I’d like to say thank you for everything youre doing. Ive left the man now…in fact he turned up on my doorstep after what…6 years of no contact. I was very shocked but just told him calmly I didnt want to see him and he left. I can tell you it felt very good. No hysterics. No emotion really. Just go. Getting your emails regularly is like having someone hold your hand as you make a very difficult journey, so once again, thank you and love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Judy,

      You are welcome and that’s so good you honoured you.

      I’m glad my material helps and many blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    Lorraine Wilcock
    February 3, 2019

    This video hits the spot on so many levels…to have the understanding is healing. ..i am going to listen again and again to this one because it just resonates so much….Thank you Mel with love and blessings x

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Thank you Lorraine,

      I’m so pleased you enjoyed it.

      Big love and blessings to you Dear Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Starvillas@mweb.co.za'
    Amanda
    February 3, 2019

    I’m a codependent love addict and this has nothing to do with the narsdist even though my mother is a narsdist. It about my deep hole inside looking for the love I never got when I was little. I have learned that this is an addiction like all others. I look to the narsdist to fulfil me as much as they have looked to me to fulfil them. I’m working on your QF daily and it definitely fulfills me I feel like I have so many issues to shift before I can even begin to look for another relationship. This has also helped me to stop smoking weed as it fills me up with weed I had no need to connect with anybody as I was having an affair with myself. Been doing this for 2 months now I seem to be clearing a lot of people out of my life but I have a long way to go. Always known the only way to have a healthy relationship is to have one with self but felt overwhelming and impossible to get there as my emotions always took over now that I’ve found QF it gives me hope as I have always believed in manifestations from a feeling level and so within so without just had no idea how to get in and shift my false belief systems known they were there but couldn’t move it. So I’m now doing this seductively.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Amanda,

      That’s so great you are doing the inner work with NARP.

      Well done that you are making such progress towards your wholeness in just 2 months.

      It takes immense courage to turn your life around the way you are!

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sandravanaalst@live.nl'
    Sandra
    February 3, 2019

    Thank you Melanie for this video. You saved my day today.
    I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for 13 years and I left him 4 months ago. After I left him I felt relieved and free from his sickness. But now I feel depressed, like he stil has my soul. I talked to a good friend yesterday and told her that I was so afraid that I maybe would never find myself again. That maybe part of my soul is just gone forever.. that I ruined myself for staying with him too long.
    What I also experience since a couple of weeks, are flasbacks from my childhood. When I was 6 years old, I moved to a new city and was bullied for years and this changed me from a happy child to a very scared child.
    Ik think this has to do with the hole inside of me that made me an easy prey for a narcissist.
    And today, suddenly, I see this video on facebook. What you tell in this video is exactly how I feel! Because of this video I know what to do, I have to go inside me and find my source that I forgot about. I know it is there and I will recover. Thank you for giving me hope and courage again.
    Sorry for my ‘not so perfect’ English, I am from the Netherlands.
    Sandra

  • suethody@btinternet.com'
    Sue Thody
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Melanie, I have started the course. 40 years married to a low level narcissist, if that makes sense? MY 35 year old daughter, high . My divorce took 3 very traumatic years. I couldnt believe his denial of my worth. I was too ill to attend court. He was outraged. My daughter? It has taken 25 years to understand her behaviour towards me. Coming back, leaving me drained and shaking. Always going back to her father. 3 years ago she walked out again. My core collapsed and I find it hard to walk. The physical pain is chronic. I am 75 now. I have 2 wonderful sons. Ross 46 who cares for me and a 50 year old son. As I wouldn’t let my daughter back into my home. Not that she has had any contact. She stays with my elder son. Hoovering. Not by speech, just being there. My grandchildren especially the girls, 15 and 12 , yes she influenced them 2 years ago. I continued to love them how I had always done. That negative influence has gone. But the elder is having sleep issues. I have a way to go, you are giving me the tools to survive. I even drove for the first time in 2 years. I have shared your email with a friend who was very grateful. My mother too narcassistic. So started early. Thank you so much xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Sue,

      You have been through so much and my heart goes out to you.

      That’s so wonderful you are healing now and starting to get well.

      Sending you every continued healing and blessing.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Sunshine49356@cs.com'
    Paulette
    February 3, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    I’ve written before about the situation I’ve been in the last five years with my daughter and her boyfriend. I can relate to everything you wrote, but not for the same reasons. I never considered myself to be a weak person. I took care of my mother the last ten years of her life after my dad passed away until she passed away at 90 years old. My dad was the buffer between her and the world and after he was gone I stepped up to keep her from being taken by people who figure older people are easy targets for their scams. After my Mom passed away I had a good inheritance for my retirement with a home paid for, a nice car and money in the bank. I had friends, my kitties and my gardening.

    I was perfectly happy where I was at but my daughter (only child) knew I was getting more disabled each year and she said she wasn’t going to let me live alone and she wanted to take care of me like I took care of my mother the last years of her life, BUT her boyfriend said he couldn’t live in my home because it had sinkhole problems in the past. Because I loved and trusted my daughter I sold off everything, gave up my car because she said my driving scared her and we moved to a place I paid for out in the country hundreds of miles AWAY from everyone and everything I knew.

    It took me a few years before I realized that her and her boyfriend had drained me dry and I was living in a hell they had created with no way out. The more dependent I became the worse I was treated. I still believe they were hoping that I would get so depressed that I would kill myself so that my daughter could get her hands on what little I had left. One time they tried to have me committed on lies (to get what I had left) but it failed.

    Now I live on SS check to SS check trying to pay off all the bills they ran up on me after they went through most of my inheritance. Recently my daughter and her boyfriend split up and I was starting to have some hope that things would change, but then Hurricane Michael hit and made a bad situtation worse. Now I keep getting sick from all the mold and mildew that came from the leaking roof and no money to fix anything because I had to drop the insurance just a few months before because I had no money left to pay it. Then to top it off my daughter has gone back with her old boyfriend. This is about the time you say to yourself — what the hell is going on and WHY ME, Lord!

    I’ll be 70 years old in a few months so I’m not thinking about starting all over again. My thoughts when I moved here was that I would have a few good years left with my daughter close by and that she would inherit something nice. Her boyfriend wasn’t willing to wait so she threw me under the bus and has left my life trashed with no hope that it’s going to change. She threw her life away, but took me down with her!

    I’ve gone through all the feelings you wrote about, including fearing for my life for a while. I’ve tried to get out of the situation with a little left of my inheritance to survive, but it hasn’t been working out. Even though everybody agrees that I am a senior citizen who has been exploited, the only way I can stop it is to take my daughter to civil court. That’s kind of hard with no money, no transportation, being disabled and living out in nowhere!

    I don’t think the hurt and anger over this betrayal by my only child will ever go away. As you wrote: This isn’t just about heartbreak, disappointment and loss, it’s so much more. This is feeling like your soul has been polluted beyond repair. You have no idea how you are going to survive the shards of trauma coursing through you like white-hot pokers, or how you can exist in a world that you no longer recognise, or know how to operate in.

    I made the mistake of loving and trusting my daughter with my life and she tossed it away like so much garbage and has left me struggling to even exist in these last years of my life. The one big difference was that I never felt that I couldn’t survive without her in my life. The problem has been to get her out of my life before everything is gone and I end up out on the street with nothing. I “wanted” her in my life because she is my daughter. I didn’t “need” her to be my “source” as you put it. I was doing fine on my own, but she lied when she said she wanted to take care of me like I took care of my mother the last years of her life and I fell for the lie. For that I kick myself because I will never get back all I’ve lost and now I’m trapped in this bad situation with no better future on the horizon.

    I think what makes it so hard for me to accept all that’s happened is my age and disability. In my younger and healthier years I didn’t need to depend on other people to help me to survive. It’s hell getting old and vulnerable and worse when the people you think will be there for you are the same ones you find out you can’t trust. It’s not wrong to want people in your life. What is wrong is what so many narcissistic users do to other people lives to feed their own selfish, self-centered wants and needs. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote: This False Source is giving you rubbish, only annihilating false commodities that are designed to destroy you, rather than fill and heal you, whilst the entire time the narcissist is breaking you down further and further to plunder, steal and suck dry from you all that he or she can get.

    I’ve come to the realization that I probably won’t be leaving this hellhole alive. My purpose in life now is to make sure that nothing will be left to my daughter when I’m gone so that the narcissist she’s with can’t steal any more. What should have been a good life for both of us has turned into a nightmare because of him. As far as I’m concerned she has become as bad as him and doesn’t deserve being rewarded for what I’m being put through. As you wrote: There is no access to Heaven because we are living in Hell. When I’m gone I want her to feel that hell I’m going through with the realization that I am no longer there for her to fall back on when he is done using her like they’ve used me. I know in my heart that once he has “sucked her dry” he will dump her. What goes around — comes around!

  • catherineannelovely@yahoo.com.au'
    CAL
    February 3, 2019

    Oh my goodness this is SOOOOOOO helpful Melanie!!!!!Thank you thank you thank you for all you do to assist people in healing from this horrific abuse. Such a shining light you are.

    Much Love xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Awww Cal,

      Thank you and I’m so pleased this resonated with you.

      It’s my pleasure and joy to help.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • dezemberschnee@yahoo.com'
    Alexandra Becker
    February 3, 2019

    Hey, Melanie! Thank you so much for this video! It is great, like all of your videos! They helped me so much in my healing! They also make me understand why that happened! I was married 5 years to a narc, he abused me both mentally and phisically (he beat me realy bad, even broke my finger once). Then he left me in the Hospital while being diagnosted with cancer-which was coming probably also from narcissistic abuse. He even told me on the phone:“I wouldn‘t come to you even if you were dying!“.
    The pain was unbelieveble! I would say at least 10 and more! I also allowed him to play with my mind for the last 8 months- even if I only saw him 2 or 3 times during this time. Now- after one year since the break up- I finally feel much better. Watching your videos and applying your techniques helped me revover about 75%. I have also gone no contact 40 days ago, when I realised what I was doing was actually no response. And through all these days I haven‘t felt not only once the need to contact him.
    And my cancer is gone. I am healthy again. I am healed. Even though I didn‘t do any treatment and didn‘t take any medicine.
    I also went to a woman 3 days and made these reggressions in the former lives. They helped a lot. And after that I was cured. So it is incredible what can happen! I try to stay no contact even though he is transferring every month a little amount of money (like 300€) on my bank account. He says it is because he is so greatful for me helping him and his family (he is an Emigrant from Afghanistan and I helped him a lot here in Germany). But I don’t believe him!
    I hope one day will come when I will not think about him at all!
    Thanks a lot for everything and lots of love!
    Alexandra

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Alexandra,

      That’s so great you have got so far in your healing from him and are now cancer free.

      Truly, Dear Lady just keep meeting and releasing the trauma that arises and replacing it with the light, and you will 100 percent get there.

      Love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jane_drake@rocketmail.com'
    Jojo
    February 3, 2019

    Melanie,
    You were born for and came to this point in your life, just to write and film this video, so I could HEAR this finally.
    After 7 1/2 years of instantaneous “no-contact” (I blindsided him into court), I am finally starting to understand and put the pieces together of what happened to me over a 22 yr marriage.
    And, no surprise, I see how I was set up for it by an extraordinarily abusive “privileged” childhood.
    I so treasure my peace and aloneness now. And I seek daily relief from useless interactions with even well-meaning people who interfere with my decisions.
    I am 73 yrs old this year. I walked out when I was 65. In a former career, I was a counseling therapist for recovering people afflicted by addictions. My client who I respected the most walked out on her narc at 50 yrs old. I thought at the time, how can she justify walking out so late in her life?
    Well, I found out and more.
    Thank you.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Jojo,

      I’m so pleased this resonated so deeply with you.

      I agree with you, our lifeforce at every age is sacred and deserves our truth to support it.

      Much love and blessings to you Jojo.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • amypacyon@icloud.com'
    Amy
    February 3, 2019

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you for another great episode.

    I just posted on the NARP forum about a movie recommendation called HEAL, it is in alignment with with the work we do with NARP.

    Thank you for leading me down the right path.

    Much love
    Amy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Amy,

      It’s my pleasure.

      Thank you for your post and I hope to check out that movie!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Lwalkiewicz@yahoo.com'
    Lor
    February 4, 2019

    Thank you Melanie. I receive and listen to your email messages. They are so helpful. I did the 16 day workshop a couple of years ago and would like to go through it again. I think I am in a different place within myself now and may get more out of it. How do I access it again?

  • eshoebridge@btinternet.com'
    Esther
    February 4, 2019

    Hello Melanie

    Thank you so much for this video.

    I met my narc husband when I was 19 and married him at 24. We have been together 29 years and after many attempts, I have managed to get away and stay away from him for 4 months. I went no contact, but unfortunately, I was desperate to see our daughter and had to travel to see her, and this is where he lives as did I. He is in full persuader mode now and I am finding life very difficult as even though, I joined the silver program in September, I didn’t become a narp member through this. I couldn’t afford the gold. I find myself wondering if I should go back. I had a wonderful life style and have lost all that. I am 53 and am living with my elderly parents in a different country. I have done the Quantum Freedom modules and keep going over 5 & 8. I am struggling being drawn in by him. I know I need to be strong like you and maybe go over the Quantum Healing again. Thank you for all your explanations.

  • Carolkrueger@comcast.net'
    Carol
    February 4, 2019

    It’s been 45 years. I asked for a secret separation to save face like to people at church and for the sake of not disturbing adult children and extended family. And it’s a financial problem for me too. He has declined my asking for a secret separation. I am trying to compartmentalize my memories and not keep reliving the horrifically painful memories. My husband has two personas the one he shows to people at church and the abusive personality behind closed doors. And then there is the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde problem! It is a very confusing existence, He has a very bad temper. He has lied by omission to his family and professionals in the past all through life. It’s UNBELIEVABLE how he fools people. He acts like “loving husband” to the public and professionals. He’s a very good actor. I keep forgetting not to engage him even in simple conversation. Zero-zip keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. I must not converse or try to reason with him. Thank you Melanie. Sending you hearts in thanksgiving for your work. One professional he completely fooled told me he was my ally. Not so. I told my sister this and she said “Are you kidding?” She knows my situation. This so called professional completely missed the mark! So now I am stuck trying to wean myself off very carefully and slowly of drugs prescribed for depression. But the so-called professional is treating the symptom which is me and not treating the disease of narcissistic abuse. I guess he can’t as my husband has this so-called professional completely fooled. So now I am experiencing side effects from these drugs. I made the mistake of agreeing to take these drugs in the first place. All these drugs do is help me sleep and that’s about it. It is so hard to wean off because of withdrawal as it’s been years. I am going through a hard time with this. Had I known back then of the toxic side effects of these psychotropics I NEVER EVER would have agreed back then to take these psychotropics! I have huge issues with the mental health profession.

  • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
    Ariana Švigir
    February 4, 2019

    Dearest Melanie, I can’t find the like button!

  • lyndraski@gmail.com'
    Mary Smith
    February 4, 2019

    Melanie – I read your posts not because I was romantically involved with a narcissist, but because I worked for one for 11.5 years, with another boss who was an advanced alcoholic, and all the problems that go with a dry (at least, during the day) alcoholic. Ironically, however, I very briefly dated someone that I met at this job. It was a disaster, so I got out quick, but I thought his behavior was so odd, I looked it up on the Internet. Lo and behold, I discovered not only he was a narcissist, but worse, so was my boss. The situation got complicated and very humiliating. The NPD Date was infuriated I wasn’t interested (we both kind of “dumped” each other,) so he made the determination to befriend Alcoholic Boss, to form an alliance against me. Alcoholic Boss really enjoyed this – he proceeded to match NPD Date up with a female friend of his, and made sure I knew it, to watch how I would re-act so he could take pleasure in it. NPD Boss was infuriated with me because I chose to date NPD Date, but not his engineer, who he had been trying to match me up with for years. The rest of the staff and a few clients heard about this situation, joined in, taking pleasure in criticizing me for being foolish and shallow, for not dating the Engineer (who was a nice guy,) but dating NPD Date. NPD Boss wanted me to date, move in with, and eventually marry and bear children with the Engineer, so he could further control us, for what would probably be the rest of our lives. No joke. He was that sick. Eventually I got “laid off.” It was the biggest favor both bosses could give me. I’m just posting this because, 1.) I haven’t been able to talk to anyone who understands about the devastation NPD Boss caused people for years, and 2.) I want those who are reading this, and have gotten this far in this post, to know that narcissicism doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships, it happens in the workplace, a lot. And it’s just as harmful, because your livelihood is dependent on a very sick person. But here’s what I keep thinking about and I know I should stop. NPD Boss was a good engineer, and he did work hard. He made good money. He also got a good inheritance from his father. He lived in an expensive neighborhood, he went on European trips, new cars, his wife had a cloth diaper service and a private chef come to their house when she was pregnant. Every year, life just got materially better. I left that job, thinking there is no karma, no justice, and SOB’s like NPD Boss win. It left me bitter, and only time could heal it, but I still wonder why he not only survives, but thrives, with the way he treats people. His kids are almost grown, but I shudder for them, thinking of the damage he’s done to them, despite their good mother. If there’s one message I could tell the American public – ARROGANCE IS NOT CONFIDENCE. Millions of us confuse the two, which is why we have what we have in the Office of the President of the United States right now. NPD Boss confuses the two, and so do the minions he manages to keep around him, of which I was one, for 11.5 years.

  • ariana.svigir@gmail.com'
    Ariana Švigir
    February 4, 2019

    I’ve found it! It’s the little heart above! 🙂

  • Elegantkeys88@gmail.com'
    Debbie
    February 4, 2019

    Dear Melanie,
    I look forward to getting each new thriver episode in my mailbox. This one is excellent information, as always!
    Would you please answer this question? if you are able to on this platform…
    How can I tell the difference between a narcissist that I am allowing in as my false source and someone who actually “sees me “– loves and supports me and who appreciates my unique qualities.
    Thanks in advance:)

  • ellisse842016@gmail.com'
    Ellisse Penn
    February 4, 2019

    Oh my god,……
    I feel it. I just got a shiver and I’m starting to cry.
    Oh, my…..I don’t know if I can do this. I’m scared.
    I have no-one to depend on.
    I have to support.
    How am I supposed to give up the only person that makes me ever feel ok??
    Even though the test of the time I want to die. I know it’s wrong.
    It’s all true, everythung you say.
    How am I suppsed to do this.
    He just took my rent, I might loose my place of I don’t figure it out. I don’t want to be homeless.
    Oh my goodness.
    I’ve lost everything. …..
    I am giving away my very life…
    Thank you Melanie. .
    You know it’s sad, just 3 nights ago he looked me in my eyes, crying, …and begged me, “Please help me, please heal me, I want to be good to you. But I don’t know how. You can do it, you can fix me , I know you can, Please ellisse. I love you, I know you can.”.
    Even if he meant it.
    I can’t heal anyone else.
    He hasn’t even tried to do a anything but hurt me and lead me wrong, hide and lie about everything.
    I can’t do this.
    What do I do. This is what every one ha’s to figure out with A Narc isn’t it. I’m almost homeless, 2 days away…..and I can’t give up.
    I need help!!
    I can do it. I know I can.
    But I dont know how to walk away.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 4, 2019

      Hi Ellisse,

      You poor sweetheart, please know you can get through this and myself and the Community would love to support you if you will allow us to help you.

      Can you please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and explain your situation and that I have recommended you on the blog for NARP sponsorship?

      Sending you strength, hope and support.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    • Trojas1036@aol.com'
      Tatiana
      February 4, 2019

      This person does not respect your life that alone should offend you enough not to want him back. I know is hard, but you need to stop seeing him lovely eyes, look at his actions exactly as they are.. cruel and uncaring. You will find your strength back once you take back your power.

  • Trojas1036@aol.com'
    Tatiana
    February 4, 2019

    The pain in a scale from 1 to 10, has to be 12, it’s mind boggling how these people lie, and when finally confronted to the point that they can’t deny anymore they just do nothing, nothing and what can you actually do with a person like this…. Its definitely true that the reason why is so painful is because once you realize that they are totally empty, fake and whatever takes a lot to understand that this is the person that you thought was your source of love only to come to the conclusion that you have been suffering because, there was nothing real, you were just being used as long as you didn’t revolt too much

  • Jessabo81@aol.com'
    Jessica Sabo
    February 4, 2019

    I’m leaving a comment because it’s that bad

  • Jessabo81@aol.com'
    Jessica Sabo
    February 4, 2019

    My pain is a level 10

  • e@eboorman.com'
    ENPB
    February 4, 2019

    Dear Melanie,

    Thank you for encapsulating everything!

    You have the words and wisdom that are a connection to life source energy. I am truly grateful for every episode you do, as you bring so much clarity and natural connection with other survivors in such an iscolating time. I’ve cleared 11th Feb week to start NARP…nervous to meet the pain but just know it’s the only way. Second attempt but ready now.

    Truly understanding that my family and ex partner (s) are the enemy not a true ‘family and soul mate’ is a life changing spiritual awakening. That these loved ones blocked my life with universal life source energy explains so much. I always yearned to be a nun even as a child. Thank you, XE

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi XE,

      It’s my pleasure and please know how welcome you are.

      That’s great this resonated with you and that you’re going to dive back into NARP.

      You’ve got this, and your connection and fullness is coming.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mail@cllennox.com'
    Anon please
    February 4, 2019

    3 years out, so the ‘pain’ is more just being freaked out at the injustice of the ‘justice’ system.
    Anger at the lawyers who all seem to be N.

    At the time. the pain was the worst heartache I’d ever known.

    Now, it mostly dismay and intimidation at just how impossible divorce court is going to be, and how futile.

    The anger is here again, out of nowhere. Where to put it?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi Anon please,

      Dear soul there is only one place to put it – through NARP Modules and then …

      So within, so without. Space opens for the shift and the miracle.

      There is nothing else to do (that works).

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene
    February 4, 2019

    Dear Melanie

    Thank you so much for the clarity of this video.

    My pain over and over was off the scale.
    You have hit the nail on the head when you say this is a soul and psychic sickness and the loss is to our source.
    Coming from a narcissistic mother I spent my whole life in relationships handing my power over for love, security and survival. I had so many painful energetic blocks in my system as a result of these relationships.
    I know the obscene pain you describe on leaving these relationships and the feeling “life is too painful to exist”.

    Having meditated and having had a spiritual practice over 30 years I could not get to my source because of all the trauma in my body. In fact one day doing service in this arena one of the people I was working with said to me that I was the saddest person he had ever met. He has since passed, but even then i just kept soldiering on hoping that it would all change.

    It is only since listening to you over a three year period and then joining the NARP programme 6 months ago that I am finally getting to the source, the source within me and that is because i have been working the programme and experiencing it and seeing what has happened in me.

    The Forum is a lifeline and I am so grateful to you for giving this to me at this time in a workable way.
    I continue to release and get to the truth of I am .

    Love Reena xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi Reena,

      It’s my pleasure. That’s so wonderful that after clearing trauma out of your body with NARP that your true organic connection to Source is appearing!

      I’m so pleased you are loving the NARP Forum, there are so many incredible angels there!

      So much love and blessings to you Reena.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • carmelbyrne307@gmail.com'
    Carmel Byrne
    February 4, 2019

    Melanie, this article resonated with me so much. Your insight into narcissistic relationships is truly amazing but then Melanie you have lived it and I can honestly say only someone that has lived this Hell can know what you are talking about. The after affects of such a relationship are horrendous until you decide to go inward and be with yourself. To be with yourself love and respect yourself and soothe your soul is the only way back to wholeness.
    I had two very painful narcissistic relationships and when I finally discovered your website I could hardly believe what I was reading it was like you were talking about me. To think that someone who is supposed to love you treats you so horribly is too much for any normal person to comprehend or understand. My experience has been that no amount of love, care or understanding will change a narcissist. They are out to destroy you. You must leave take back your power and be you. Melanie your work is an inspiration a breath of fresh air from what we were thought as children. I just wish I had this knowledge it would have spared me so much pain and heartache. I am three years out now and following all your emails and webinars and I think they are brilliant. The path to your own well being wholeness and love has been shared with the world could you ask for anything better Melanie but you deserve it as you have taught us all how to come home to ourselves. God Bless you Melanie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi Carmel,

      Thank you for your beautiful words and I’m so pleased my information is helping you so much.

      Im so happy for you that you are healing!

      Please know it’s my pleasure and continued love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • dahall2369@outlook.com'
    debs
    February 5, 2019

    So, so very true. Once I’ve turned my attention and back on the negativity of the dark Narc forces that were once prevailing in my life and started focusing on what childhood traumas scared me most i.e abandonment, trying to gain other’s approval in order to feel whole, depending on family or close friends to back me up, yet leaving me and not having my back, I learned out the of deaths of my parents how quickly people you thought were your friends, or people you thought would have your back as family abandon you and literally you feel like an orphan. At the same time, you try and help immediate family members when they need it, but once they’ve gotten what they need from you, they’re gone. Then when you feel like you have each other’s backs, they literally abandon you even though you’ve given them all your time and energy! I am the same age as you Melanie, but all the negativity from narcissistic abuse has taken its toll. I literally feel and look older. However, since letting them go, I have started to take better care of myself. It’s not worth giving over one’s life to be used and abused by narcissistic people.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Awww Debs,

      You have been through so much. Please know when the trauma leaves our body it is incredible how much we heal and renew.

      I know I look younger now than I did at 40.

      Are you working with NARP Debs, and connected to my inner transformational resources?

      That is where the spectacular shifts, miracles and fast track healing starts http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      It is powerful that you have let them go, and that’s do well done, now what is next is letting go of all that trauma in your body.

      That when you’ll truly break free.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • cara7772000@hotmail.com'
    Carrie
    February 5, 2019

    Thank you so much for this video! I hadn’t realised I had been with a narcissist for 17 years! He had no empathy at all even when I sobbed in front of him. He preferred porn to a physical relationship with me so it has destroyed my self confidence. Our relationship was never discussed and now I’ve left I miss him so much yet don’t know why. Maybe because I’m now 66 and feel my life is over yet I wanted to spend my later years with a companion and someone to love.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi Carrie,

      You are very welcome and I hope this has helped.

      You deserve your True Self and True Life Lovely Lady.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Elina
    February 5, 2019

    Hi Melanie,

    After reading this article I went to super market and in the back ground was playing the song by Eurythmics The miracle of love (will take away your pain). How beautifully aligned with this theme!
    This made me think, usually in popular culture “love” is considered something that is provided by a dark-haired, handsome stranger (heh) who appears like in the Hollywood movies 🙂 Gosh I’ve become so cynical (or maybe realistic?) after the n abuse…that kind of romantic love or “falling in love” is not healing, usually the “high” is just a…distraction!! 🙁

    It’s been many years on and off with the n, and suddenly last week I was like enough is enough. He sent me a message that was…complete nonsense and lies. The irony is, when I was reading that message, I was standing in a bus stop. There was a huge poster, that is part of the local campaign against the violence women suffer at home, in relationships. It’s so hard to understand, that the treatment I’ve been receiving the last years was also violence. I always thought, when it was not physical, it’s not “that bad”. But it was! Totally crazy-making, soul violating. It was hard to understand, this is happening to me, and done by this man, who said he loves me.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 5, 2019

      Hi Elina,

      It is violence absolutely. And it is up to us to say enough is enough, heal ourselves, connect to truth and generate that as our life instead.

      I’d love to help you achieve that. The path starts here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Elina
        February 6, 2019

        Today this also came into my mind. I consider myself as a nice person, being nice to everyone. I thought what you have said about setting boundaries (I never had any). It seems my pattern, maybe some childhood survival mechanism is, that if I am nice, people will be nice to me as well and treat me well.
        It’s like this very infantile survival mechanism…”if I am a nice, I will be safe”. (I experienced violence as a child. Sometimes it seems so harsh and wrong, I had already experienced it once, why life sent me MORE of it? 🙁 (via the n))
        Unfortunately this “niceness” is not working. I have been nice to people (men) who have treated me horribly (like n for example, I gave him so so many “second chances”, no matter what he did).
        I realised, men do not respond with niceness…they (the toxic ones) just take advantage of the situation and are able to get away with all kind of abuse because I have high tolerance to it (something I definitely should not have!).
        This was quite an aha-moment to me! I realised, if someone treats me badly, the choices are to set boundaries or end that connection once and for all!!

        • anna_elina@luukku.com'
          Elina
          February 6, 2019

          By the way, to answer the question why narcissistic abuse hurts so much. For me, among other things: I thought I had finally found the one, the perfect match, a real thing, a rare gem, exceptionally good man, the soul mate, a genuine thing…when this isn’t the case, that HURTS :.( I guess that feeling is disappointment, betrayal, loss. Also deep embarrasment, when I had been so enthusiastically telling all my friends, how fabulous this man is.

  • peace769@gmail.com'
    Sonia
    February 5, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    I came across your method very recently – after a brief episode of hoovering, which came totally out of the blue after an absence of a few years, caught me off-guard and thrust me well and truly back into ‘crazy’. It was incredibly shocking and scary to see how quickly all the old, horrendous pain and disintegration which had taken me so long to put behind me was re-awakened and alive and kicking. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say a 9. Just horrendous.
    So Melanie, thank you so very much for the material which you have made available. It has been a lifeline and has helped me stay sane and has given me valuable insight and encouragement. I have signed up for the 16 day course, have registered for a webinar and hope to be able to purchase one of the modules soon.

    I have read the story of your journey and it touched my heart. I am so sorry you went through such unbearable suffering and am so very glad that you found a way to come through it and heal yourself – and so very, very grateful that you are so willing and committed to sharing that to help those of us also experiencing varying degrees of N hell. From my heart, thank you so very, very much.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 6, 2019

      Hi Sonia,

      I’m so pleased my work resonates with you and that you are on your way.

      Thank you for your heart and beautiful words. It means a lot to me Sonia.

      Wishing you incredible healing and breakthrough into your True You!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • michelle.tomlinson27@gmail.com'
    Saash
    February 5, 2019

    Love this article Mel. It’s almost a yr now since I’ve parted with my narc. Feels like I’m ready to date again, Intially I was scared but finding my true self has empowered me n built my confidence.
    Xoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      February 6, 2019

      Hi Saash,

      I’m so pleased you loved it!

      That’s fabulous news – go you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nfenton@motorone.com'
    Niki
    February 5, 2019

    Thank you.

  • teresaleclercq@hotmail.com'
    Teresa
    February 6, 2019

    It sounds like finding this program (way of healing) and Melanie’s guidance is going to be (and already has been) very helpful; it has been very much so for me, and I’m still working. I liked your words right away, “I get it.” Hopeful.

  • carletonj4@gmail.com'
    Sadie
    February 8, 2019

    Hi Melanie,
    I signed up for your 16-day course and been watching your videos since last Fall. Your videos and newsletters have helped me literally escape with my two sons from an abusive relationship and now your guidance is helping me to care for myself as I go through the painful feelings of withdrawal and emptiness that is and has always been my life. I have gone no contact with the narcissist and it has been 1 month. I have no regrets about leaving the marriage and now I am trying to build the energy to create my own life. Your videos are my encouraging friend and I am so thankful for them.

    One concept in your material that I have difficulty understanding is releasing the traumas within. Now that I am having no contact with my narcissist, I have no distractions and the big void that is my true life is in my face. I am going within and finding some past traumas and becoming aware of my true life. I see someone I used to know as me and I really liked that person but I don’t know how to find her again. I want to feel robust in who I am. But I really am unclear on how to release my traumas and know if I have released them?

    Would love to hear more about the process of how to go within to find and release the trauma and how will I know I have?

  • jmp929@yahoo.com'
    Joyce
    February 23, 2019

    How can I get started doing the work that I need to do?
    I was in a relationship with a narcissist, we split up finally 8 months ago, and I’ve still been going back, until now.
    I have nothing left to give him, and he keeps on with the blame and shame of things that I’ve done in the past.
    I want to get moving to get this poison out of my system!!

  • pjstichbury@gmail.com'
    Penny Stichbury
    February 23, 2019

    Hi Mel, my rating us above 10 cigarettes, alcohol use to a huge factor, being called an alcoholic etc did my head in so have got a handle on that, my anxiety is through the roof. Word for word him and I are everything you describe. 5 weeks ago I discovered he has been having an affair for 5yrs. He’s always cheated, i just didnt realize for the past 5 yrs it was the same woman, possibly a child who is now 2. We have 2 children and have been together for 17yrs. Im truely broken over this. In 2012 I discovered you did everything you said with the no contact when he discarded me the 3rd time, but i fell for his words and got lost all these years later. I have started reading and watching your articles and videos and have realised I need to do the course easily for a year. Something is blocking me from signing up right now. Thank you for taking the time in reading this. Kindest regards Penny

  • genebab@verizon.net'
    Barbara Weinger
    February 25, 2019

    so many people suffering from narcissistic abuse. I confronted him but am u dealing withnable to leave. at least I know the reason for his disturbing behavior and terrible behavior and uncaring ways and no empathy. I found out what was wrong with him very late in life and he made me totally miserable. now that I know I can protect myself and have formed some sort of detachment being that I cant leave. I have a chronic illness and there is not enough money for me to leave. My daughter knows everything and supports me totally. I am haunted by the bad memories and work every day to keep them from popping up. At least I know what I am dealing with. thank you for your wonderful information and to everyone who has gone thru this horrible experience.

  • forangela@earthlink.net'
    Angela
    June 16, 2019

    The Narcissist is my adult Son, now 28 years old. I moved away to get away from him but even though I don’t have to see him, he still attacks me constantly over the phone. People tell me not to pick up his phone calls. When I have done that he goes into a horrible rage that is scary. He threatens if I don’t pick up his calls he will drive to my house which is only 2 hours away. I am unable to survive a day after an attack. I am lost, paralyzed, no motivation, depressed, cry, think of suicide but then my dogs wouldn’t have me so I can’t do that to them, loss of memory, loss of sleep, feel like I’m not safe to drive. This has been going on for many years but keeps getting worse. I really can’t take much more. Maybe I need to get on some kind of medication and talk to a therapist. I try to deal on my own. I work and it has affected my ability to make money and support myself. I hope we will begin to see more help for Narcissist Victims.

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