Melanie Tonia Evans

The 3 Phases Of Deservedness

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

Deservedness applies to all of us, whether we are still in the heavy trauma of narcissistic abuse, or if we have recovered enough to ask ‘What’s next?’.

There are 3 things I believe we all want.

To be our True Self.

To have a True Life

To experience True Love.

Are these things just far-fetched concepts that are unrealistic?

Certainly, after being narcissistically abused we may barely be able to put one foot after the other and stay vertical, let alone believe in having a FABULOUS life.

Does living this way mean our lives will be wonderful all the time?

Or … does it take more than that?

I certainly believe it takes more, yet the birth into these ways of being are totally tangible and achievable for all of us when we know what they are and how to access them.

And that is what Today’s The Thriver’s Life episode is all about.

 

 

Video Transcript

Before I get started on this week’s episode, I want to mention that I just received the first copy of my soon to be released book ‘You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse’, and you can see the picture of it on Facebook or Instagram. The links to these are in the description of this video.

And to celebrate the release of my book, we have lots of exciting announcements that I am going to be sharing with you over the next few weeks. The best way to stay up to date is to make sure you are subscribed to my New Life Newsletter and following me on Facebook and Instagram where we will be posting all these exciting announcements.

Okay, on to today’s video!

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Today’s topic is such a lovely and expansive one, and I have the absolute joy of delivering my first ever video to you from my new home!

I love this place and what is awesome is I am literally a stone’s throw from the beach, just around the corner from awesome cafes and surrounded by friendly, beautiful people. I really couldn’t ask for more.

And today I want you to know that deservedness applies to all of us. Those of us still in narcissistic abuse trauma, and those of us looking for the next steps after releasing ourselves, because deservedness is key to a happy, healthy life.

 

What is the Truth About the Life We Are Born To Live?

Let’s get really real about this, we all want to be our True Self, have our True Life and experience True Love. But maybe we have never understood what this really means. It all seems like a lovely concept but are these things attainable? Do they exist? And what exactly are they?

I’d love to share with you what I think it all means. I believe it means aligning with what Creation truly wants for us, which is our highest and best, the real deals that will gratify our heart and soul because they are aligned with our truth.

I don’t believe that there is any force declaring you are doomed, you are damned, and you are meant to live a painful, terrible life. I really believe in a benevolent force, whether we want to call it Creation, God, Life-force or Wellbeing, which is ready to nourish and flourish us beyond measure if we just get ourselves out of the way; meaning lose the trauma that is stopping this almighty force of abundance and love flowing through us as us.

 

Why Has It Been Such a Struggle?

And, I know … believe me, I know … after narcissistic abuse, we may really struggle to believe this because we feel victimised, terrorised and soul raped to the point where nothing seems abundant, good, healthy or even remotely flowing.

Why has this been the case? I really believe this has been our experience because before we got here we said ‘Bring it on, let’s embody and bring up all this trauma that myself, my ancestors, the collective and humanity have been carrying. Let’s get it all up into my consciousness so that I can claim it, feel it, let it go and liberate myself and others from it.’

Those of us who have been narcissistically abused, we are here on angel’s work, and it’s no small feat.

As the saying goes, ‘there is nothing else to do’ but to do the work. Namely, find and release the trauma and open ourselves up to have the Light enter us (which is exactly what Quanta Freedom Healing helps us perform in record time and startlingly direct ways) so that we can have the birthright of wellbeing and abundance flowing through us.

Which brings me back to the meat of today’s topic, deservedness. So much of the human condition has been about shame and lack of deservedness. In fact, it has been a heavy part of our conditioning to believe that we are less than, should stand at the end of the line and that resources are limited, and others deserve more than what we do.

Yet, in Quantum Law which is the absolute truth of things, there are no limits, there is plenty, and everyone deserves. It’s conditioned scarcity thinking that has set up separation, fear, depravity, self-sabotage, me versus you and even narcissism. ‘If I don’t control, manipulate and take, then I won’t get my stuff, someone else will take it from me.’

All of this defies the true laws of Creation and is a part of the sickness that our world and humanity has been plunged into. At the quantum level, everything is One, which means that you are Creation itself. You are the Oneness of all that is. How can you not deserve when you are already All Of It? In fact, the ultimate blasphemy is to see yourself as small and less than and not deserving of what it is not just your birthright to have but who you actually are.

 

Vital Inner Identity Alignment

Let me explain to you how manifestation works at the purest quantum level. If your Inner Identity does not embrace a certain belief about yourself and life, then this ‘thing’ will not be in your experience. It’s a Law as absolute as gravity – so within, so without – because you are the Quantum Creator of your reality; that’s how powerful you are.

The real question is, are you going to claim your power? Are you going to do the rearranging at the inner level, or try to battle your outside circumstances with the still existing inner painful beliefs? I hope you are starting to understand by now that the former track will change your life forever and the latter only cements you deeper in the pain.

There is no amount of doing that can overcome a defunct, pointing in the opposite direction, being.

The painful thing is most of our inner identities by the time we have got to patterns of disappointing relationships and/or narcissistic abuse clearly don’t organically have healthy, wellbeing beliefs. In fact, they are the exact opposite. How do we know this? Because our important and impactful relationships, that we stay attached to and roll around in, are always reflecting back to us the state of our Inner Being.

Okay, let’s examine where our inner identities are at. And please I don’t want you to judge yourself or feel helpless, because you certainly aren’t. If you have the courage, awakening and self-responsibility to accept where you are at, then you are already on your way home. Then it’s a matter of landing this plane by rolling up your sleeves and doing the work. Today I’m going to give you some answers regarding exactly how to do that – to get yourself into health and deservedness, and tapping into the stream of joy, well-being and plenty that is yours by Divine Right.

 

Who Is Your True Self?

Let’s start off with True Self. Who are we as this person? Let’s get very clear that living as your True Self does not mean that you are a perfectly sorted person always having a magical life. What is real about being a True Self is that you have got real. You are no longer living in illusions, delusions and denial. You see the truth. You start to accept all of it as a blessing. You know it is all in perfect and divine order, and it is all happening for you and not to you, and there are no mistakes. You know the benevolent life-force is leading you home through whatever means necessary IF you get the gift and stop resisting and hating your awakening (which is usually painful because that’s the only way it gets our attention).

Then, when we take the gift and awaken, we can stop trying to change the billions of people and circumstances in the world and instead tend to the quantum machine of Oneness that exists inside us to forever reprogram our personal experience from this point forward.

At True Self level our orientation is to get deeply self-partnered and instead of trying to fill our emptiness and self-medicate away our pain with outside people and substances, we release our trauma and replace it with Light, which is our True Self, True Life and True Love.

And we start living truthfully, no longer bargaining with, clinging to, fixing and trying to change people to feel loved, safe and whole. We bless and release all that is not our truth, without resentment (which has to be released) and with an open heart of compassion, wishing them the best, we have a whole heap of available beautiful space within to accept who and what is aligned with our authenticity, values and healed deservedness.

Then we see how our alignment and choices and open-hearted truth starts to unfold real, blessed and enriched soul-gratifying results.

That’s True Self.

Do you want this?

Did we come here to live under a guise of denial and delusion, or are we prepared to walk through the fire of our own traumatised consciousness to get to the other side, the only Beingness that was ever going to truly gratify us?

I’d love you to pause this video and scroll down and give me your thoughts on this. Honestly …

 

How Do You Access Your True Life?

Alright, let’s move on to creating our True Life, which is only possible if we are prepared to live as a True Self, which is so ironic because most people try to put the cart in front of the horse and wonder why they continually aren’t getting anywhere, or even keep getting squashed.

Let’s just reiterate what True Self is – realising everything is happening for you and not to you to wake you up, and that all of Creation adores you, and that when you lose your trauma that then you will see yourself as Creation does as more and more of it flows through.

Then you can target and release the beliefs of lack of deservedness such as: it is greedy and selfish to flourish and prosper, others deserve this more, other people will miss out if I get the good stuff etc. Additionally, we may also be carrying all sorts of beliefs about being bad, wrong and defective and can’t have the good stuff because of not being good enough to deserve it.

And maybe we think we need to do the spiritual self-sacrifice model, ‘I can’t accept abundance for my life’s work, and even though I give all my time and energy to others, my house and car are cracking up around me, not to mention my personal health!’ Boy, do I know a lot of spiritual people like that who are entrenched in literal past life vows of poverty believing that this would get them to divinity.

Divinity is right here right now, and it is about wellbeing and space in our cells and being a generator of expansion, positivity and abundant blessings for self and others. And allowing others to know that they too can rise and show others the way out of the pain and darkness.

 

The Generation of True Love

Now True Love … this is big for many of us in this Community. How many of us have settled for second, third or less best? Or think we are aligned and then discover we aren’t and stay regardless, instead of being alone and waiting for our true aligned connections. How many of us have had such low deservedness that we don’t know how to generate the love and connections that really are a match for our True Self?

Life truly is a series of choices. The incoming stream is always there, and the mechanics of life are always quantumly responding to our choices. Yesses mean, ‘okay that’s your level of self’, and no’s without any additional energy on that choice means ‘okay that isn’t a match for your inner identity.’ Every well placed ‘no’ (without anger, victimisation and resentment) is an up-level to a greater and higher value of your Inner Identity composition and set point, where things and people of higher value enter you stream.

How do we get into this flow of wellbeing? By letting go of the snags (traumas) within you that are keeping your enmeshed in recreating the past that has hurt you, and healing and step into your higher level of deservedness.

 

Where Is Your Inner Identity At?

Okay, I’d like you to follow these instructions in your own time. Get out your journal and ask yourself ‘Where am I with my deservedness to be my True Self?’ Listen to how this feels in your body because this is how your Inner Identity communicates with you. Rate yourself out of 10.

A 0/10 means I am nowhere near my deservedness, and a 10/10, means I’m there. Repeat these questions with ‘True Life’ and ‘True Love’ and be really honest with what your body reveals. If you are not a 10/10, then you have trauma blocking your organic, true flow of wellbeing on these topics, that is yours to have IF you get your trauma out of the way.

Those of you working with NARP, you can use the Goal Setting Module (GSM) and set the goal ‘I deserve and am open to fully receive the highest expression of my True Self, True Life and True Love’. You may want to work on these separately or all together to start clearing your trauma blocking this.

Get prepared for incredible breakthroughs by doing so! They will blow your mind!

Those working with the Empowered Self course you can start working these desires and goals into your expansion Module work.

And please ask any questions you want regarding this, and I look forward to our very rich and lively discussion about this ground-breaking topic!

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously, we take it further!

Why?

Because we CAN!

Lots of love,

Bye Bye.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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75 Thoughts on The 3 Phases Of Deservedness
  • andrea_hobkirk@yahoo.com'
    Andrea
    September 20, 2018

    Yes, I want true self. It’s time. I have been doing modules, journaling and self reiki for a year now. He still triggers me because we parallel parent and he Iives close by. It’s been so stressful but I am so much more mindful now and I’m transforming even though he still performs nasty tricks. I’m so ready to move forward. The stuck feeling has gone on too too long. It’s time to push through to the other side

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      That’s so great Andrea.

      Way to go and awesome that you know it’s time!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • nesilaw@outlook.com'
    "Aneas"
    September 20, 2018

    Love you Melanie! Thank you ALWAYS!

  • lindacohen6115@gmail.com'
    LindaC
    September 20, 2018

    Hi Melanie, yes, I am ready and I am deserving of a truly happy life and I am ready to meet that true love. Although I’ve worked through a lot of my trauma (and there were many), even the negative parts of the real me, the one that I was so ashamed of, that I was always trying to hide or pretend they didn’t exist, there are some great gifts buried in there. I may have been very co-dependent once upon a time, but my generosity, compassion and caring for others IS A GIFT. It’s now a gift with some healthy boundaries. And that’s the difference. I no longer feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me. I deserve a good life because I am a good person. I always have been.

    Yes ….I am ready.

  • SAMEERAH.ALI78@YAHOO.COM'
    Sameerah Ali
    September 20, 2018

    I am ready! I want to love and be loved. I want to taste life. I am tired of surviving.
    I have studied and searced taken codependant classes and I know that this is it. I can recognize people with self love deficits. I just put my narcissist husband out…
    I can’t take this any longer. I am willing to walk through the fire to meet me!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Yay Sameerah,

      I love your passion. When we have had enough we are ready to walk through the fire.

      The most fulfilled people in life all have!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kendalla10@gmail.com'
    Alison
    September 20, 2018

    Yes Melanie – I want to be my True Self. I have been working on it for many, many years now. The ongoing disappointment with what the world shows me is often overwhelming, but I have persisted. I truly believe I have paired myself back to the bone, and released and healed everything that I can find… I know there is my reward waiting for me and I am ready!!

  • teriashmeria@gmail.com'
    Violet Spectre
    September 20, 2018

    Dear Quantum Guru,
    This is the most amazing explanation of the unexplainable.
    There are many that want the light of self realization, but few are willing to go through the fire to burn off the dross. So glad you did, and now shine your light for the rest of us.
    Congrats on the book!
    PS
    True Self? Check True Life? Check True Love?……uh oh! Thanks Mel!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Awwww Violet,

      Thank you darling soul sister.

      Please know I still walk through the fire hun, because there is nothing else to do.

      The release / rebirth on the other side is worth every bit of it.

      You’ve got this. That love is yours. It’s all of ours just waiting for us to be ready to let it in.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • bhramirez702@gmail.com'
    Bea
    September 20, 2018

    Hi Melanie,
    I can’t believe how timely this is. I have been struggling with this very topic all week long. I have been working on self deservedness/self-esteem in an attempt to understand why I struggle so much with making time for myself and with doing things that I truly enjoy. It seems that I just lose myself when taking care of others and lately this has been making me feel physically sick.

    In my search for why I shortchange myself I have discovered ideas taught to me as a child (such as it is selfish to enjoy life when others are suffering, it is wrong to be happy when others are miserable, and if others don’t have something you can’t have it either) and also realize that my mother was and still is a pretty extreme self-sacrificing, martyr-type of person.

    Although this is a little tough for me to get through, I know that I will because I have the tools I need to do.

    Thank you for your insight and guidance.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Bea,

      How wonderful this is timely!

      Please know confronting our inner deservedness is some of the stickiest most uncomfortable inner beliefs we can ever load up and release, because there are so many layers of conditioning surrounding them and holding them in place – as you so aptly described!

      However, when we are really determined and lean in to do it – we do.

      It’s worth every every bit of discomfort to release ourselves from them – because without doing it freedom and joy will always escape us.

      So great you are onto what needs shifting!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kendalla10@gmail.com'
    Alison
    September 20, 2018

    Yes Melanie – I want to be my True Self. I have been working on it for many, many years now. The ongoing disappointment with what the world shows me is often overwhelming, but I have persisted. I truly believe I have paired myself back to the bone, and released and healed everything that I can find… I know there is my reward waiting for me and I am ready!!

    The only question I have is whether I should feel so sad that I continue to be alone, as though I am still not worthy somehow? It’s a conundrum for me. Please let me know what else I can do.

    • helenlarkin37@gmail.com'
      Helen
      October 1, 2018

      Keep going Alison, you’ll get to a tipping point eventually ✨❤️✨

  • valerieAwedel@gmail.com'
    Valerie Wedel
    September 20, 2018

    Dear Mel,

    The deep work I’ve been doing over the last several days, inspired by my daughter this time, has literally led me into the fire. I see it as an eternal flame of truth in Sekhmet’s ancient temple. Literally the only ways I’ve been clearing out the fragments that need to be released is through walking into this flame and letting it burn and consume all of me. Sometimes I then get to swim in the Goddess’s pool also. Fie and water are rather wonderful, and a great mystery taken together… And now here you are taking about walking into the fire…

    YES YES YES

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Valerie,

      So true – that is alchemy.

      Life and rebirth.

      Also going into the darkness is where the rebirth germinates. No different to a seed in the ground.

      We have to go there …

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Laurenmkelly1983@gmail.com'
    Lauren
    September 20, 2018

    You are an Earth Angel. THANK YOU. Your words align with me and also with my Yoga Teachings. Bless you 🙏

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Lauren,

      Thank you. It takes one to see another.

      Blessings to you too Dear Angel.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • thewirestudio@hotmail.com'
    laura antebi
    September 20, 2018

    Awesome episode Melanie, thank you , and for going through all you have gone through and sharing your awesomeness!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Laura,

      It’s my absolute pleasure and thank you for being a party of this amazing community.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • williamsakem@gmail.com'
    Williams Akem
    September 20, 2018

    Dear Melanie, I have been going through your messages, thanks so much. I feel guilty. Discovering I have caused people so much pain. Please I earnestly wish to change. Thanks.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi William,

      That is so great you do. Truly it is now a matter of finding and releasing that guilt.

      Then you will to reset to your True Self.

      That’s the Thriver’s Way to heal.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • rhoda.ww@gmail.com'
    Thriver
    September 20, 2018

    Yes Mel, This is what i want, It feels so right i have no doubt its what i want. Am so ready to continue doing the work.
    Thank you for delivering this so powerfully and cleary.
    Blessings and love to you dear one.
    Luv you,💞

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Thriver,

      That’s so wonderful that it feels right. It is your soul saying ‘hi’.

      It’s my pleasure and thank you for your beautiful and inspiring words.

      Much love to you too sweetheart.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lorrainewilcock529@gmail.com'
    lorraine wilcock
    September 20, 2018

    WOW..THANK YOU YOU ARE SUCH A GUIDING LIGHT..YOUR WORDS TOUCHED ME AT SUCH A DEEP LEVEL I WAS BROUGHT TO TEARS ..I DECIDED TO JOIN THE NARP PROGRAMME IN MARCH AND AS YET HAVE BEEN PUTTING OFF DOING THE WORK NECESSARY.. TODAY I AM GOING TO GET THE DOWNLOADS SORTED ON MY MP3 PLAYER AND BEGIN THE JOURNEY INTO WELLNESS. I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO SORT IT OUT MY WAY .. I GET LITTLE RELIEF AND IT IS TIME NOW. YOUR WORDS HAVE FELT VERY HEALING TO ME. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART MELAINE AND GOD BLESS YOU IN YOUR NEW HOME. LOVE THE FLOWERS X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Lorraine,

      It’s my pleasure and I’m so pleased that this deeply resonates with you. That is beautiful that you are going to self partner with The NARP Modules and commit to your healing.

      Thank you for the blessings for my new home and the flowers are very special to me – thank you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • angelikmaispastrop@gmail.com'
    Angélique
    September 20, 2018

    All my life I’ve felt like i was pedalling in treacle and wondering why? What’s going on? Something is not how it should be, finding only partial solutions to it then Boom! I discover NARP, because of a narcissist, and it’s like I have been handed the universal key to every part of myself and the universe with the instructions. All of a sudden all is already good and makes sense, even if there’s work to do.
    It is all true what Melanie says. I could feel it in my bones when i discovered it, now i have gloriously experienced it. The narcissistic aspect now is only a small part of it and to get the chance to finally heal stuff annoying you since always is a blessing beyond measure and no we don’t have to drag heaps of painful crap along with us everywhere. Freedom, joy, peace and light are just waiting to be accessed from within if you do the work, which can be difficult but why would you not want to have a better life and what have you got to loose?
    It’s lovely to see all this coming into the general consciouness. Yesterday while watching the news I listened to a reformed gangster advising on violent crime in London and he was talking about the importance of trauma clearing and even epigenetics in different words from Melanie. It was great to hear him.
    Thanks Mel for letting the light shine through you so bright it’s reaching so many of us.😁❤

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Awwww Angelique,

      I love hearing your words, and I am so so happy for your freedom and evolution as a result of clearing out your trauma with NARP.

      I totally agree the relief of not dragging it around anymore is amazing – and it’s not until we get to this that we realise how abnormal our previous ‘normal’ was – trying to live with our wounds!

      How awesome that this gangster spoke about the truth and what untreated trauma creates.

      Love it, and thank you for your powerful share.

      Bless you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • kwillders@yahoo.com'
    Karen.
    September 20, 2018

    After years of abuse I am now in the process of divorce. Your videos are helping me to move on. I am looking forward to the next phase of my new life. Scary and excited I am 63 so if I can do it anyone can. X

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      I love this Karen,

      How gorgeous you are excited about your new life. There is no limits at all in regard to circumstances or age with Thriving!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Irene.zalewski@icloud.com'
    Irene Zalewski
    September 20, 2018

    Dear Mel I want true self Yes and have always wanted it even though I was born into narcissitic abuse and alcoholism and from the get go believed I was wrong and didn’t deserve and I would be poor all done before I was old enoug to truly talk.
    My desire for the truth has led me to you and NARP.
    In the 80’s I bought Louise Hays book I Deserve 💖 Love.
    I have been poor, suffered abusive men and am now working on the Narcissistic mother wounds and sister wounds which your work is guiding me.
    I didn’t believe in myself or who I was. I didn’t have any inner identity the narc mother took that over and everything I had apart from my quest for truth. I thought it was The truth separate from me hence spiritual gurus and mainly men took that over but now I know its my truth connected to the source and that is what I want now.
    Poverty consciousness has been desperate in my life and I have covered it up being ashamed by my family and myself, pretended everything was better than it was, tried to look good from the outside while in a state of emotional suffering and pain on the inside.
    This work is big and I am at the beginning and can only go slowly as I get tired and overwhelmed.
    Thank you for this TV clip. It is so full and deep and there is work to be done from it.
    Congratulations on your book it will help me and the world.
    Love Irene xxx

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 20, 2018

      Hi Irene,

      I love that you want True Self, and myself and this entire community stands with you and for you in that.

      And so this will be yours, by Divine Right, beautiful lady.

      Sending you blessings beyond measure.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • mary.mcconnell@rogers.com'
    Mary
    September 20, 2018

    This is fabulous … and perfectly timed for me to read. Thank you Melanie … you are truly amazing and have helped me soooooo much!!

    Mary xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Awww Mary,

      I’m so pleased you enjoyed this.

      You’re very welcome and much love and blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • athomewsoul@gmail.com'
    Mariann Dunsmore
    September 20, 2018

    Yesterday I listened to your interview with Laurie, from Canada, and it was so helpful as i have just begun The Work and am at Module #3…there is so many people to forgive including myself. But I am a classic ‘pleaser’, getting my self-worth from outside validation. I so understood when Laurie talked about how the N helped her ‘define the me that I couldn’t find’. Oh my gosh, having been born a twin, it starts right at birth, you are playing a pleasing game because you are in competition for moms love.
    Thank you for ALL of this Melonie, you are really working with something TRUE.
    I am already feeling more awake, when I start to ‘obsess’, I go to the module I feel is needed.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi Mariann,

      Your post is so spot on, and that is so great that you do less thinking (obsessing) and the shifting inside your body instead.

      Many continued releases and uplevelling to you Dear Lady and please know you are so welcome!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • lindasims100@gmail.com'
    Linda
    September 21, 2018

    Hello Melanie!
    Congrats on your new home!
    I have been using NARP modules for over 2 years. I no longer have a “charge” related to my ex narc husband (amazing and miraculous). I’m thrilled that you produced the current video/article because the topic of deservedness is the core problem yet to be resolved. Most recently I started dating a guy and felt comfortable, but as soon as he mentioned the “R” word (relationship) my anxiety, fear and rotten self talk was so overwhelming I stopped all contact with him. It’s been 3 weeks now since and am feeling better and have decided not to date at all. This decision is for my life to be manageable and have a large degree of comfort (no anxiety or fear and good self talk). Now much more inside work is needed.

    Thank you so much for your awesome work and tireless attention to all of us. You are an angel.

    Linda

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi Linda,

      Thank you!

      How awesome that this video was so synchronistic for you.

      You’ve got this hun. So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • ericalynngarcia11@gmail.com'
    L
    September 21, 2018

    Yes, I want to find my true self! I like what you said about leaving certain people and self-medicating behind. It is so true. I agree with Violet that you “explain the explainable.” Your insight, experience and video messages have helped me more than all the books and blogs I’ve read. This is the last threshold I need to cross and journey toward. Thank you for taking the time to help us, really you always say what is needed.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi L,

      I am so pleased that this resonated with you!

      You are always welcome!

      Abundant blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jorgeprorosales@gmail.com'
    J
    September 21, 2018

    I am a little timid in the exploration of this new dimension of self. I want to heal. I have been married for 15 years to a covert narcisist. Due to laws of my country, she kicked me out of the house for discovering her in another relationship and asking her to leave. She made something up for the police and had me out. Because of my belief of marriage for life, might be ridiculous to many people, I have put up with almost anything. I did not want to lose my kids, she kept them. I have no option, I have myself and the opportunity to explore it now. It is very hard to realise the truth, not being loved by the one you commited for for life. I am starting to explore the bypassing of the self and reaching the inner child to heal. I do not know if it is ridiculous because most people who have been with narcisists say that they never change. I did behave like an overt narcisist at some point of my life and feel that I am harvesting what I planted. I would like to not lose my marriage and that when I align with thruth some miracle happens and she be enlighted to realize that she needs a change. Forgive me if it sounds stupidly innocent to be at this point. I am just being real. I will continue trying to heal and observe what life brings. I do want to experience what is my true self, true life and tru future.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi J,

      I so totally understand that feeling. So many of us went through this.

      The truth is you changing and healing may not mean that she does.

      I wish for you your True Self, Life and Love too no matter what that is.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • snroses@gmail.com'
    Sarah
    September 21, 2018

    Hi Mel
    I have been working through this program for a few years, as I believe that it truly is a daily process of evolution that never ends.(I seem to have a lot of past life trauma)
    I have been doing the modules daily to breakthrough to true deservedness recently, but feel stuck.So stuck.GSM, Mod 1 (sv), I’m still stuck.
    Sometimes I do them 2 times a day, but deservedness is not breaking through yet,
    How can I get through this major block?
    Every time, I think I’m breaking through or broken through, the new ‘breakthrough’ gives me a bigger ‘trauma’ to deal with and I’m just tired of it now…

    Your program is awesome, I’m just tired of trying to breakthrough and finding more trauma.

    Sarah

    • Hunterkathryn021@gmail.com'
      Kathryn
      September 21, 2018

      Sarah,

      I totally feel you! This is exactly what I have been going through! I have been so stuck for months! I shift something, and BOOM, another trauma. It’s so hard when I’m just so tired of being stuck. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one (I felt like I was missing something obvious or doing something wrong). I have used Module 1 & GSM daily for awhile now, and then I have also been using either Module 2, Module 3, or Module 7 (the cure for “poor me”) depending on what I’m feeling. Maybe this might help you, too; I don’t know why, but something told me to share.

      Best Wishes,
      Kathryn

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi Sarah,

      I’d really love you to come into the NARP Forum, so that we can deeply help you investigate what is going on, and support your breakthrough.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • CLAUDIABUCHWEITZ24@GMAIL.COM'
    Claudia
    September 21, 2018

    I want that – be and live my true self! What else should I do ?!?! There is nothing better to strive for!
    I am doing the empowered self course and it seems to work for me – slowly – but it works!
    Thank you so much, Melanie! You are great.
    I am so much looking forward to reading your book – and to recommend it to others, by the way… 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi Claudia,

      I totally agree. Why wouldn’t we want to go for our Real Life?

      Bless you Dear Lady!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • jnarcavage7@gmail.com'
    Jessica
    September 21, 2018

    This is exactly where I’m at, I have just genuinely discovered my true self a little over a year after leaving a decade long narcissisticly abusive relationship. The feelings inside are indescribable , I’m aware I have a long way to go but it’s not a dread, its excitement. Your work is so amazing & I simply adore reading your articles. I’d be lying if I said they aren’t such A HUGE HELP in taking the next steps leading up to the final results. I’m grateful.

    Best Wishes xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 21, 2018

      Hi Jessica,

      How beautiful you’ve awaken and are living your life like this now!

      I love the excitement in your post. You are so welcome and thank you for being a fellow traveller and shining your light!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sandyscruggs@hotmail.com'
    Sandy Scruggs
    September 21, 2018

    Finally! This is the inner shift that takes me from licking crumbs off the floor to dancing on top of the table! (and I LOVE to dance on the table!) XXOX

  • holbrooklynn@gmail.com'
    Lynn Holbrook
    September 21, 2018

    Melanie, you are a gift from God. Thank you and may He bless you beyond your wildest dreams.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 22, 2018

      Awww Lynn,

      Thank you for you beautiful blessing!

      I wish that for all of us.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • shonadarroch678@gmail.com'
    Alex
    September 22, 2018

    I’m ready and willing. I feel on a soul level is is truth ❤

  • nicopopliceanu@yahoo.com'
    Nicoleta
    September 23, 2018

    Hi, Melanie! Will your book be available on Kindle?

  • teresajleclercq@gmail.com'
    TJ
    September 23, 2018

    I feel like I’m almost there….maybe even 90% of the way…BUT
    that last 10% has been a wall of mercury for a LONG time.
    Jealousy is TOO BIG for me to overcome.
    That leaves me always in “sulk” mode.
    Much of the time, to many, I’m a truly glowing person.
    But then there are way too many others who have seem my down side grow heavier over the years.
    I’m listening, though, Melanie! 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 23, 2018

      Hey TJ,

      Sending you the breakthrough energy to get there.

      It truly is when we meet and heal the trauma responsible, that we heal.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • sbovero@yahoo.com'
    Shelley Camp Bovero
    September 23, 2018

    Ok, I have been listening to your videos for a year now. I went as far as doing two of your free webinars, it helped… (self partnering). Then April my Narcs fiancé contacted me about him cheating on her.. etc. etc. I don’t generally drink, I wound up drinking one or two margaritas for two weeks. I now have no contact with her, talk about a trigger… I can’t remember what self-partnering is after that.

    I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. I had been on Celexa for 15 years and it was no longer helping. I have been given Zoloft and at times I feel as if I am crawling out of my skin, need to change that.

    I am signing up today, there has got to be a better way. My life is unorganised in every corner. I have been working to pay for the mortgage and not attending to too much of anything else. I feel overwhelmed, incapable, bad, wrong, defeated and at times deviststed. I feel like my Narc would be so pleased if I fell apart, that thought haunts me. Sometimes I am feel SO desperate that I feel I should call him for help. What a joke!
    I have ZERO CONTACT an absolute must for my survival.

    Signing up finally,

    Shelley

  • anna_elina@luukku.com'
    Anna
    September 25, 2018

    Hi Melanie!

    Now after 2 years since the break-up with the n, I heard he has a new girlfriend. Well, I don’t know how soon after me he met her…Why this still hurts me, I feel even envy? 🙁 Please don’t say, go within, meet the traumas, do narp…you have no idea how much this inner work I have already done!! 🙁
    And made pretty good progress. But now this girlfriend thing seems to be an issue for me. I know this is silly and not logic…but I almost feel she has “stolen” my dream, and my dream man, it hurts to think of them together. Yes, it is silly, because I know this man is a n, abuser and logically not the ideal boyfriend for sure!
    Could it be, that she is less wounded than me, and therefore she has a better “success rate” with him, therefore he behaves “better” (less n) with her?
    I have learned from your earlier blogs, that n’s can only have us and keep us through the wound. If this woman was wound-free, she would probably be with a normal man too, not with (my ex) n!! My relationship with him started to wonderfully and continued and ended (like we all is this forum know), not only with a broken heart but also with a broken soul. It was horrible.
    It deeply hurts and offends me, if he is now somehow able to consistently and long-term treat her well and behave like a normal person in a normal relationship. What are your thoughts, is this ever the case, could this ever happen, do the bad n behaviour always sooner or later come to the surface, no matter how much or little or if at all trauma/wounding the partner has?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 25, 2018

      Hi Anna,

      I know you have stated for me to not say ‘do the inner work’, but truly I am not the right person to go into the analysis paralysis of this with you regarding dissecting a narcissist or his new partner.

      What is hurting you here is being replaced period and wondering if he can be a healthy love partner with her. I get that and I deeply empathise with you because initially that is horrifically painful.

      I know it’s agonising, but is there any logical answer I could give you (and I truly don’t have one not knowing him or her intimately and personally) that would give you lasting and powerful relief? No!

      Even if I did have the answer, the real emancipation, which is the healing of your trauma that has been triggered would be missed.

      The truth is hun over the 10 plus years I have been helping people recover as well as heal my own wounds via narcissists – including exactly what you are naming here – that unless you work on the original traumas of us not yet being our own source of love, not feeling good enough to be loved and committed to, and the young, epigentic and past life wounds of feeling like we are dying or can’t survive (and women did go through all that) when replaced and abandoned … we don’t get better and the pattern doesn’t stop in our life …

      Until we do.

      What else is there to do? Are you in the NARP Forum? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member There you can deeply commit to, get support with and heal beyond this trauma and pattern.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      • anna_elina@luukku.com'
        Anna
        September 25, 2018

        Hi,
        Yes, I understand all that! 🙂 But I was also curious to know…do the n’s always behave badly, sooner or later, with everyone? At least, with romantic partners?

  • charlotte.york@hotmail.com'
    charlie
    September 25, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Oh gosh this episode made me realize just how much trauma I actually have come from a home of abuse, neglect, enmeshment, poverty, and death. I really never got to know what I liked or even enjoyed and that playful child you mentioned never developed because of my own upbringing and I only felt I could only go so far anyway. Only receiving so much education and then experiencing narcissistic abuse in the home and violence would then allow a sociopath to enter my life as a young adult and I am still shattered from that it’s been so hard to recover. I have seen a trauma therapist and now have some the groundwork knowledge on the basics and body methods but I am managing day to day. I take antidepressants because my depression was so bad I was waking up at 12pm every day for 2 years after another death in my family it’s been hell. Read a lot of books and seen some amazing youtube videos and despite being so disassociated and disconnected I am now starting to realize this seriously can’t be my life there has to be more to this.

    Thanking you,
    Charlotte

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 26, 2018

      Hi Charlotte,

      Please know Dear Lady this is not the truth of you or how your life has to be.

      Once the trauma is released all of it can heal, even if this is all you have ever known.

      Many people in this community have achieved this as a result of starting to work with my inner transformational resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      It makes all the difference when we actually free ourselves from the trauma instead of trying to survive and manage it.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Rpatchett66@gmail.com'
    Happy Girl
    September 26, 2018

    Thank you, Mel. I am also two years out from a high level n discard and this issue seems key coming up now as my own inner blocks and how important it has been to choose this path – in one year it has borne fruit. It is hard to confront this image of lack of deservedness in my own consciousness – images I fear appear, of the old resentful nagging woman – and how thankful I am to have no other relationship for a distraction or crutch to cover tgis over and can come face to face with the old crone shaking a bone on the path. I felt so stuck here now I am relishing preparing a banquet. I thought this kind of intimate partner betrayal could end my life saw no way out a year ago. Namaste. Treating myself more kindly looking back, Mel. Happy Equinox you deserve all you have manifested this ALL you are a badass and deserved appreciation and we all need to own that for ourselves you go girl!!!!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      September 26, 2018

      Hi Happy Girl,

      It is so so true that our greatest development comes from fearlessly facing, claiming and healing those parts of us that we would rather avoid the most!

      You are so welcome and thank you for your beautiful comments. It is my greatest wish that others too break through continuously into their true Thriving!

      Happy Equinox to you too sweetheart!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  • Helengracefields@gmail.com'
    Helen Grace Fields
    September 26, 2018

    Yes, yes, yes, Mel. Thank you so much for being a trail blazer and showing me the way. I have come al long way and continuing to do the work and expand. Bless you.

  • gartenhut@yahoo.com'
    Joseph Huth
    September 26, 2018

    Thank you, Melanie. I am mentally aligned with what you are saying about deservedness. I am now ready to fully align myself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

  • Afitchick2000@yahoo.com'
    Cindy Colby
    October 5, 2018

    I love it that you ask our thoughts! I honestly want to thrive! I think I really get this “deservedness” lens! I was raised in an area with “poverty” mentality. I really feel I found a deep rooted lens that needs replaced! Thank you for shining the light into those dark spots! You are a gift! And now I see so am I! Thank yuh!

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