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Narcissistic abuse creates terrible levels of trauma that is so impactful that it affects every area of your life.

There are four levels of trauma that narcissists inflict and these are virtually consistent for everyone who has been abused by someone of this calibre.

In this video I share with you what it is like to lose our grip on reality, be horrifically betrayed, lose the ability to trust, and suffer terrible financial and health devastation.

Which, I know, is very likely to have been your experience! And I care about that deeply, because I know your life doesn’t need to remain devastated.

This is why, I also explain to you exactly how you can resurrect yourself from these four levels of trauma into a life that is not just recovered, but truly Thriving.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Interpersonal relationship problems can be very traumatic.

Interpersonal relationships with narcissists take trauma to extreme levels.

The trauma sustained from narcissistic relationships is so impactful that it literally floods our Inner Being with survival programs that activate terror, horror, helplessness and powerlessness.

When we are crippled with these emotional states, it is virtually impossible to function, let alone access either the solutions or the ability to rebuild our life.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explore the four levels of trauma inflicted on us by narcissists, what it does to us, and the way to heal from this and resurrect our life.

Because I promise you in all these four levels of trauma inflicted by narcissists, are four resurrections that will elevate and evolve your life in ways that will literally hand to you your True Self and True Life.

But before we start this deep dive, I would like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I would love to invite you to please do, as well as like this video and share it with others who could benefit.

Alright, let’s get started …

 

Level Number One: Reality Is Skewered

The first level of trauma inflicted by narcissists is that you start to lose grip on the truth. You don’t know what is real and or what isn’t anymore. You want to believe in the good in people, and you want to believe that what they are telling you is the truth. This person is looking you straight in the eye, possibly even telling you what you want to hear and what you want to believe in, yet the real-life evidence that keeps emerging is the opposite.

You want to believe this person, and if deeply enmeshed with a narcissist, your literal security and future, let alone emotional stability, probably depends on it.

When we are trauma bonded to somebody, meaning staying attached even when our security, health, emotions and emotional state are suffering, it means that you are now actively engaged in cognitive dissonance. And it means you are having to come up with excuses and justifications in order to rationalise the emotional trauma that you are experiencing, and why you are staying.

This means, whilst ignoring your intuition, which is trying to warn you that things are unwholesome, unsavoury and unsafe, you may be telling yourself things like, ‘I’m sure it will all work out in time’, ‘Surely he or she isn’t manipulating me’, ‘No matter what happens I’m positive I can deal with it’, or all the other elaborate lies that we tell ourselves. I know myself, as well as so many others who ignored the painful inner screams of their intuition, did so at a very hefty price, especially where narcissists are concerned.

Resurrection Number One: Becoming Self-Partnered Brings Truth and Power

The Thriver message, recovery and healing path in all of this, is to come home to yourself and be self-partnered to the level where you are healing your Inner Being, aligning with your intuition and starting to live in truth, backing your own values and healthy needs, regardless of what other people are doing. Many of us, never really knew what that was, until requiring Thriver recovery from narcissists.

By turning inwards to meet and start releasing your wounds with complete self-love and self-devotion, powerfully creates you being self-partnered.

To have the experience of discovering what being self-partnered really means, I’d love you to join me in my free webinar.

If you haven’t yet done it, I can’t suggest it enough because you’ll start feeling what self-partnered is. You’ll see the link to that with this video.

Level Number Two: Feelings of Betrayal Are Triggered

After being lied to by narcissists, and horrifically abused by them, we feel deeply betrayed. This is an incredible trauma activated within us, that can even destroy our faith in interpersonal relationships altogether.

This is a fracture to the very fabric of your Inner Being which of course profoundly desires connection. Yet, how can you risk connecting, and letting somebody deeply into your inner world and emotions ever again?

Maybe, after being narcissistically abused, and feeling soul raped at this level, you may feel it would be impossible to trust another human being again.

I completely understand this, because I used to feel like this too.

Resurrection Number Two: Becoming a Source To Yourself

I want you to know though, with all of my heart, there is a way to heal all of this. It starts with understanding one of the greatest lies that we have all been fed, as human beings, in regard to relationships.

We believed that it was other people’s responsibility to give us our own wholeness, meaning our own levels of love, approval, security, and survival. As children, this was very true, that was our parents’ or guardian’s job. Sadly, many of our adult caretakers were brought up in less than emotionally healthy environments and may never have been whole and healthy enough themselves to be able to effectively do that job.

It’s incredible to see in our world that the most important education of all, how to be a healthy, emotionally whole person, imparting and granting this essential human foundation to one’s offspring, is not the number one curriculum on this planet. It’s not even a subject that is taught on this planet.

Via narcissistic abuse, this make or break deal fractured our inner relationship with ourselves as well as the ability to create healthy ones with others. Now, we have the opportunity to wake up to the truth — that recovery requires healing our relationship with our Self to establish the love, approval, security, survival, wholeness, and capacity that we need to be for ourselves.

Then we will no longer hold people responsible and cling to them, as we did as children, trying to make these people grant us ourselves.

I found personally, as well as in the lives of so many Thrivers who have worked with NARP, that as a result of releasing our traumas and returning back to our True Self state, we understand the greatest truth of all — our levels of love, approval, security and survival really have nothing to do with other people or whether or not they could betray us. All along, this was really about how we were betraying ourselves, unknowingly, by putting the generation of our truth, value and our entire life into the hands of others, as we did as of course we did as children when we had no choice in the matter.

As adults we do have a choice; we can heal and develop to fully take on this responsibility for ourselves.

Then we know nobody can betray us unless we’re betraying ourselves.

 

Level Number Three: Loss of Resources

Narcissistic abuse is not just painful, it’s usually materially incredibly expensive. The amount of money and resources that gets thrown away trying to survive these relationships is horrific. Narcissists are like a black hole that suck not just energy, health and sanity, they also gobble up finances — literally.

It is extremely common as a result of narcissistic abuse to lose much if not everything you have worked your whole life for, up to that point.

This happened to me, and it happens to more people than you could even imagine. Many people believe that this means that they will never be able to rebuild and that their life will never be the same. It’s understandable why people think like this because narcissistic abuse often happens to people in midlife and beyond.

Naturally, if we have been very attached to achievement and accomplishments as our core identity, the trauma that we suffer through material loss is devastating. More than it just being an ego injury, it also may trigger within you the white-hot terror of not believing that you are going to be able to survive.

This was definitely the case for me. The horror was so bad, I thought I would die.

Resurrection Number Three: Truly Valuing Yourself

The necessary shift out of the trauma of all of this is to wake up to another profound truth, that the value of my soul was far greater than the perceived value of my accomplishments.

Personally, I was never going to rebuild anything in my life if I didn’t start from the bottom up, which was understanding that I was valuable and worthy as a human being, as I was, regardless of what I did or didn’t have.

It wasn’t until I was willing to love, approve, accept and partner with myself, traumas, financial devastation and all, that life itself and all of the resources in life could begin to do so as well.

The gift in my resurrection from shocking financial trauma was being able to finally anchor into the truth that I am safe and whole, and flourished and nourished by all of life simply because I exist. In no way did healing my beliefs at this core level make me delusional or lazy or entitled. Rather, it allowed me the ability to feel inspired and flowing without fear, without the necessity to try to produce material wealth in order to feel worthy or as a requirement to survive.

It also allowed me to accept opportunities, support and abundance in droves from life itself, matching my newly established healthy belief systems.

Finally, for the first time in my life, it allowed me to rebuild my life from a place of joy, purpose and inspirational creation without conditions on the outcomes.

Losing everything I had, to finally heal my fractured survival beliefs, was more than worth it.

The reason I am sharing my profound personal soul experience with this, is because I know, regardless of your survival struggles, exactly the same is true for you too.

I have seen so many beautiful people in this community, who statistically did not have the supposed qualifications, and were not at what is considered to be a financially productive age, start generating greater prosperity and abundance than they ever had previously.

All as a result of finally honouring their Inner Being first.

 

Level Number Four: Devastated Health

It is beyond traumatic to suffer the health symptoms of narcissistic abuse. Things like anxiety, depression, CPTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and any of the emotional, nervous system and physical breakdowns, all brought on by the horrific stress of abuse and living non-aligned with our soul truth.

Maybe as a capable, resourceful person, with a previously very high tolerance to stress, you were shocked to discover that this time around you couldn’t just pick yourself up off the ground and get on with It.

The effects of narcissistic abuse are like slamming into a brick wall. When life can no longer go on as normal, this is when things need to change. And the only thing that can change is the change that you make within yourself.

I know for myself, that I had always been high functioning and treated my body like a machine, to get things done, and certainly not as something to honour, connect with and love.

Resurrection Number Four: Release the Trauma Generating the Symptoms

Sadly, traditional abuse recovery purports that certain nervous system conditions such as PTSD are conditions that we will have for life.

Nothing is further from the truth.

PTSD and other nervous system disorders are all symptoms of trauma accumulated in our Inner Being at levels so extreme that parts of us break. However, when we turn inwards and release the trauma causing these conditions, then as the trauma goes the condition heals, and often this happens very quickly.

Like so many others, I was told I would never heal and recover from my abuse symptoms and would have to manage them for the rest of my life with antipsychotics.

I know, likewise, there are many of you in this community who had similar diagnoses, who are now living completely trauma-free and are Thriving.

Thank goodness, like those of us who don’t wish to live a disintegrated life, I didn’t accept that diagnosis, or I would never have self-partnered, turned inwards and freed myself from these inner traumas. And I would never have realised the ability to continue doing the same for the rest of my life, on literally any topic that is generating any less-than state.

I am now mentally and emotionally and physically the healthiest in my 50s than I’ve ever been in my entire life, even way before being abused. And I have the absolute joy of seeing so many of you, who are doing the inner work in this community, enjoying and shining your radiance as well.

This is what I wish for all of us, even if it feels like it’s a million miles away for you right now, the reality of profound, unprecedented healing from the inside out.

Okay, I hope that this episode has spoken to you. I know that these four levels of trauma are consistent virtually for everyone who has been narcissistically abused.

If this did resonate with you, and you want to resurrect your life and all these four areas in spectacular ways, then come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos please make sure that you subscribe to my channel, and if you liked this video click like and make sure you share it with others so that they can also wake up to the truth.

And as always I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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Commments (56) + Leave a comments

56 thoughts on “Understanding The 4 Levels Of Trauma Inflicted By Narcissists

    1. All of these articles resonate with me. However, the narcissist in my life is my own older sisters. They do have a fractured inner child trapped in an adult body. They were thriving off of my ego. I was their narcissistic supply until I said no more! Long story short, they are out of my life and live many miles away in another state. I have dropped all contact with them and I’m keeping it that way. What I did to stop them was incredible. If anyone wants to know just ask me. Happy and far away in the desert.

      1. What did you do? I have the two older narc sisters too! Middle one I’ve been no contact with for years except when my aged parents would sabotage me with her. The oldest one more recently as it was more covert, but became clear as day to me after our mother died. Yes I’ve had all the symptoms above, the complete health breakdown also. On the mend now though (thanks Melanie 💜)

      2. Marty I would love to hear what you did to stop your sisters. I too had to move many miles away from my abuser. It has been three years for me and I am still healing. It is a slow process. I have good days, then days that I am down in a black hole. I too am far away in the desert.

        1. Hi Nancy,

          I really want you and everybody in this community who has not yet started accessing Quantum Healing directly in their in Inner Identity, to understand that recovery from narcissistic abuse does not have to be a long, painful, drawn out process.

          There is a much more powerful, direct and easier way to heal, which is exactly the process that I took and so many people have healed with in this incredible Thriver Community. Hence why here there are real ways to heal that eliminate all of the previous cognitive battles and ongoing suffering.

          Please come into one of my free webinars wwww.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to understand more about this.

          I hope this helps

          Mel 🙏💕💛

  1. You need to do a TED EX talk. The world needs to “hear” you Mel. So many people are traumatized and being medicated, but NARP is the solution……daily I’m in gratitude for Narp. Had big breakthroughs of late…just keep on evolving….such joy …..moving onto a great 2020……I’m sharing your videos on all my inspirational FBpages….lots and lots of likes……❤️❤️❤️🦋💫🙏

  2. Dear Melanie,

    What a deeply moving depiction of the extent of Narc related pain and injury. And the remedy for the same.

    You are the very best in this field of recovery from Narc destruction. And, I agree with B : you must do a Ted Talk that will reach millions of people.

    I don’t think you can be replicated or that you can teach people to be healers since truly your profound impact is due to the authenticity of your being and your experience and God’s anointing on your life.

    I’m so grateful for your work and the Truth you speak and I pray this Truth catch on like mustard seeds everywhere.

    It is an honor to share this planet with you at this time.

    So much love to you!!

  3. I wept so very deeply during this video – it is conforting knowing someone truly understands what i have been through – thank you.

  4. Thank you Mrs. Evans. I was married to ba narcissistic lady that beat me up physically and mentally. I wouldn’t and didn’t ever hit her back. I was raised to not raise e hand to a woman. During this marriage which finally ended in September, thank God, my youngest son died from an overdose of meth. He passed July 27th 2018. It took 9 days for his fate to catch him before passing. During this time I can’t explain what she put me through. Please help.

    1. Hi Ernie,

      you have been through so much dear man and my heart goes out to you. My deepest condolences for the loss of your son and for what you endured at the hands of the narcissist.

      Ernie, the best way that I can help you is to put you in contact with the healing processes that were responsible for my life-and-death recovery, as well as what has granted true recoveries to so many people in this community, even where all else had failed.

      To understand more about my healing system, The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Sending you love, healing and strength

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  5. Thank you Melanie for your work. It has helped me more than I can ever express!
    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and continued happiness, health and success in 2020!
    In true appreciation,
    Debbie

    1. I appreciate all you do for us. I have been in two marriages to narcissist. I have done this to myself. I trusted others to feel as I do. I never knew people would use others for their own gains. I stayed out of ignorance.
      Learned about narcissism a few years ago. Read the books and went to counseling. Reality was painful so I threw away the books.
      First marriage had physical abuse. I was ashamed that people would know. Second marriage is emotional abuse. Mostly being a non person in his life. Sadly no money to move on. Working to make this issue change.
      When I married I thought it was forever. I have wasted my entire adult life by believing others false words rather than their actions. All I wanted was to be loved. I need to love and protect myself. Not angry but frustrated with myself that I don’t save myself. Have to learn to take one step at a time.

      1. Hi Melinda,

        please don’t be hard on yourself. All of us who had original childhood traumas and deeply embedded painful belief systems, in regard to interpersonal relationships, were susceptible to making painful relationship choices.

        It’s not our fault, we were simply doing the best we could with the inner traumas that we already had.

        Please know Melinda there is a very powerful and direct way to reprogram your Inner Identity, so that the trauma, regrets and pain you are presently suffering will all dissolve away, and you will emerge into new and healthy Inner Identity beliefs and personal power, that will completely transform the way that you “do” relationships.

        This process has already been formulated in my healing program NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

        If you wish to understand more about this breakthrough program please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar where all is explained.

        I hope this helps.

        Much love to you

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  6. Well, hello there, my beautiful friend.
    I do believe, you were my first coach. I have been with you since fall of 2017. You are the reason why I know what I’m dealing with. I’m thinking divorce. He has been stealing from me ever since we were married. He didn’t parent & I don’t have to tell you the Hell that I’m going through. I’m at the start of healing. Feels like I’m on an emotional roller coaster ride. I do thing, I’m going to be looking into divorce. I had enough. He knows it & lies more. I’m a writer/researcher, I also teach all kinds of things to live wholesomely. I have just gotten over a smear campaign that had my life a mess for a year. I trust very few people. I trust my dad & the Lord. I rather be woman of God than with a man. My eldest daughter & her husband tried to steal my identity, smeared my name & they just don’t stop. My husband, I don’t know, if his brother really paid the rent, because I was about to be evicted around Christmas. He told me “No, one wants that!” DON’T BELIEVE HIM! He has been telling more lies & avoids talking about giving me the POA. Treats me like a child. So, once all this is behind me, I’m going to get my hair done in long swag, with pink streaks all through it. Singing beautiful gospel musica & might start my own no profit organization called “Angels at Work.” Going to move, this complex is a nightmare & tons of departments want my proof & soon. Nearing done. Court & also suing. Laws have been broken. So I sleep the hours I need, when I walk worse than a drunk (Don’t drink) I know it is time to go nighty night. Eat if hungry & stay hydrated & busy. BERRY, BERRY,BERRY Christmas & HOPPY,HOPPY,HOPPY New Year!!

  7. Dear Melania,

    You have been such a great help to me in the past 3 years with your incredible teachings that clearly comes from experiencing narcissistic abuse first hand like I am today. Your words are helping me cope with an estranged wife who is determined to bankrupt me financially, take my children away from me while spreading terrible lies about my character, all the narcissistic traits are visible in her that you explain in your teachings.

    Keep up this incredible calling, you are saving and changing lives, you have mine!

    Thank you,

  8. Hi Mel,

    Thanks for focusing on finances. Narcs are just con artists so why wouldn’t we be financially devastated in their wake?

    My ex ‘beauty’ just msgd asking me to wait for it…. buy his home thats being bank repossessed AND … let the old criminal continue living in it! This 50yr old didn’t have a friend to ask but me after fighting me for 3 yrs in court and after his horrendous slander??

    I shouldn’t be shocked as it’s nearly Christmas but talk about magical thinking!!!

    I parallel parent with Mr-lies-a-lot and without the kids it would be the 4 letter salute but … well you do get it.

    Any suggestions on what I can say.. simply.. to shut this crap down?

    1. Hi Sam,

      please know Dear Lady that there is only one way to deal with the crap and shut it down … which is detach and heal.

      I promise you that is when it stops.

      Hun, to understand exactly what I mean and how this works, and the real reasons why nothing else does, please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar so that I can explain it fully to you.

      I hope this helps and much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  9. this list is incredibly insightful. i hope more people who have been through this get to see it. i recommend your videos to clients and friends who who been there, hoping that quantum healing might be as effective for them dealing with CPTSD as it was for me. thank you!

  10. Another great post! I just want to mention that I don’t have a thumbs up option on these articles/videos, so I haven’t done that. But thumbs up to them all!

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    From a former N victim, refugee, and now simply, healthy and happy person. Thank you for all your precious help!

    God bless you,
    JAM

  11. It’s more than just relationships. Religions/cults do the exact same thing stealing money, time, life, and in the end, divide and destroy families.
    Love every video Mel.

    1. Oh so true!!

      Great video as always Mel 👌🏼
      The more I learn about narcissistic behaviour & the symptoms of victims.. the more I notice people everywhere that are completely oblivious they are receiving/living it.
      It’s heartbreaking to watch, knowing that persons soul needs to reach their limits before they’ll become aware & seek answers, help, resolution & recovery.
      I believe everyone everywhere could benefit from your education, using Narp & QFH. There’s a mountain of trauma trapped in us all that’s been ignored, avoided & silenced for many many generations..

      Merry Christmas everyone,
      Spread cheer & be kind to yourselves 😘
      Wendy Xo

      1. Hi Wendy,

        thank you and I’m so glad you liked it!

        It is so true that copious amounts of people are suffering in the dark, and I agree with you it is usually only when life can no longer continue on as normal that people are forced to find the true answers as to what is really going on.

        I hope also that I can help people awaken to know that the only true solution is to turn inwards and heal, and that there are powerful and real tools now to achieve a complete recovery from this hideous situation that they have been stuck in.

        You are right, releasing trauma is key. It is the only thing that truly works.

        Thank you for Christmas cheer and well wishes to everybody, it’s very sweet of you.

        Much love and Merry Christmas to you too Wendy.

        Mel 🙏💕💛

  12. Dear Mel

    I love how you speak to ME so clearly. Since starting your program I have left behind chronic bulimia/anorexia, alcohol abuse, paralysing episodes of PTSD (still there but not as extreme), and just 3 days ago I stopped being able to feel the desperate need for sleeping pills. I have a long way to go to achieve the full self-care and self-love that I am working on through NARP, but I am really amazed that damaging external props are starting to fall away simply because I am dedicating myself to healing internal wounds as you speak about in this video. I guess the rest will follow but I am not worrying about the outer things right now. The messages in this video help me, very much, to stay focused on saving my soul.

    Harriet

    1. Hi Harriet,

      I’m so pleased that I do! I’m thrilled for you that your external props are falling away as a result of you releasing the trauma from your inner being with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      And I love that you are now dedicated to self partnering and Healing your inner being. It is the true way home!

      You are a hundred percent correct, the rest will all follow and fall into place – it’s Quantum Law!

      Many blessings and much love to you Harriet

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  13. Of course, awareness-wise, it can be number 1, or perhaps any of the 4, but number 4 has been the first productive, actualizing doorway for me. It continues to usher in the others – so much so that I need to editorialize on it. That is, releasing the (body-held) trauma gradually ushers in the beginning of the actual re- and newly discovered experience of (the opposite of the traumatized non-entity as being) one’s metaphysical existential entity value (number 3). This eventually ushers in the sense to newly see and re-e-valuate resources, including oneself as the source of resource sourcing, and therefore what has been betrayed (and how), which is thus seen to be one’s job to self-source as the non-separate ‘alone’ (number 2). This might be likened to “one’s eye being single,” and thus eventually newly re-seeing beyond the one’s understandably paranoiacally-tinged looking glass, at just how much (more) reality really has been skewered (what you’re calling continuing and progressive cognitive dissonance with a toxic-ally blinding infection chaser), wherein the “narcissists” have in so many ways been able to induct me/you/us/everyone/each other into their skewered reality, yet for them the more natural reality (number 1). But so as not to too-deeply regress into “them-watching”, I usually have to return to number 4, to see what trauma is still anchoring that option, which at some point ushers in the possibility of number 3 at a new level, and so forth. This has been one of your most comprehensively radical presentations for me, Melanie. I’m being bombarded with unconditional truth bombs here and, hey, I’m trying to hurry up and expand enough to take it.

    1. Hi Michman,

      the real truth is that there really is nothing to take in, because your coded Inner Being already knows these truths, even though I do know what you mean!

      An easier way is to just surrendering, targeting and releasing the trauma.

      There is actually nothing to learn, we are here to awaken to the truth – the unlearning – the releasing of Trauma and False Beliefs that are NOT who we really are!

      Much love and blessings to you

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      1. You may have already devined I’ve been the type to lounge around in indulgent addiction to mellow seizures of learning. In fact, I’ve considered this a possible preparation to know how not lose too much 3DNST speed when returning to long-cycle learning (of a different DNST kind) . And yet, I hear and respond to your pointer to simplify without concern for loss of depth.

  14. I forgot to add that the recycling through the 4 levels is also allowing the possibility of actual self-partnering (number 1 on your list here) to slowly transpire into my awareness, making self-partnering the final yield, as it were, maybe the ultimate reversal of the dissociated state — wow, what’s that!?

  15. This is so true all these levels and Specifically the resurrection. We Will heal from these levels those people put on us. As I work on myself I can testify healing.

  16. i have a 4 year old with a narcissist i see him 3 times a week it was zero i fought in courts then got 2 now its 3 after courts again as i said but my god shes a demon and mary poppins rolled into one. always drama or brings you up to bring you down im not with her just collect my son shes jealous if my sons happy with me or my family trys to control everything
    just those hard hitting texts full of lies then useing the child then daddy daddy said this or that niggle niggle wanting me to blow a fuse an ruin my access its an abuse of the mind my son is the light of my light he keeps me going..theres good patches then shes back to her games wanting us as a family madness spoilt adult child she is ive come a long way but god its tireing its like when things are good they have mess it up..i have to be the change i want to see…

  17. My son has been dating a woman/girl for almost 5 years. They are to be married in June. She is a complete narcissist and has caused so many problems for my son and our family. We are at our wits end. If we or he do not comply with her demands she threatens him or us that we won’t be invited to their wedding, we won’t be able to see their future children. I feel we will lose our son to this sick individual. My husband and I have seen him through so many ups and downs with her, we just can’t fathom what will take place after he gets married to this narc. We are at a loss as what to do. He gets mad at us if we do not comply with her every demand. I need some guidance. He is currently upset with me because I turned down an offer to go see her pick up her wedding dress with her mother, grandmother and aunt. I told her I appreciated the invite, but wanted to wait to see her dress on the big day. Wished her well and said to say hello to her family. Well, my son knows my response was fine (he said so) and she has since been giving him grief again because she didn’t have complete compliance and now my son is coming down on me. My husband, myself, my younger son cannot stand to deal with this person and situation. Please Help with some advice. She’s draining him financially. He wants to save for a home and family and she says she will save for these things after he takes her on many more trips. She has also said previously, she wasn’t sure she wanted children, because she wouldn’t want her kids getting more attention from him than her….sick

    1. Hi Mae,

      it is very difficult then someone we love is wrapped in a narcissistic relationship.

      Your boundaries are very important in this situation in order to take back your health and your sanity. Sadly you can’t be responsible for your son’s choices, but you can be for your own.

      This resource line may help you https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-a-narcissist-if-you-cant-go-no-contact/

      Sending you love and best wishes

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  18. Thank you Mel. I have read this before and have applied it in many ways and will re-read it. It’s just so hard to witness such a smart, kind hearted person, hard working person/my son be swallowed up and consumed by this individual.

  19. I love your vidoes. They are like they are speaking ti me every time I watch. I left my narcissistic husband last June and went into a domestic violence shelter that following Monday. I loved the valley I lived but my kids and cousin talked me into moving back where I born which is clear across the United States. I am now in the town and state I was born but I am also continuing counseling. This is the fourth abusive marriage I had been in but the other three weren’t narcissistic. I was at the time of this last marriage and ever now divorced from him I am scared. I have no contact with him or anyone associated with him. He has tried to get into my facebook through other facebook friends. I have caught on quickly. But I am afraid he will still try to follow me where I am. My counselor here knows about narcissistic which good. Since I have been abused since I was two by my mother and continued on through my relationships with men. I have never been afraid of my other abusers. They were all emotional and mental abuse. I do have fibromyalgia and pstd among other illnesses. Your videos give me hope. I am now fifty five years old. I lost almost everything in the marriage with this narcissistic ex husband. I signed with my married name. Now I will put my maiden name on. Thank you so much for you uplifting and truthful insights.

  20. Hi Melanie,
    I really need your help, I’m an absolute mess, I’ve just dated a girl for the past 17 months, her her late 40’s, me early 50’s, she was constantly telling me I’m a narcissist, she was telling me her councillor says I’m a narcissist, I offered many times to go with her to her councillor, and let her meet me, talk to me, if she still had that opinion, then I’d get all the help I need. The things you outline are exactly what my partner was doing to me, The relationship has sent me broke, fractured relationships with my kids, friends, even my ex wife who I got on with very well, coparenting, as we had 2 kids together. If I couldn’t pay or didn’t do what she wanted, she’d pack half her stuff and leave me, I’d always chase her beg her to come back, she would but make me pay, I’m constantly called every name under the sun when she gets mad, which is like every 2 weeks, I literally supported her from day 1, she moved into my home, with my daughter and I, but eventually she said we had to live alone, and I had to get my daughter to move to her mum’s, which caused me problems with my daughter, and then we had to move from where we lived, we now live 1 hour away, I’m away from everyone, my home etc, since we moved here, she became so much worse, last weekend it ended and as I took her clothes to her, all of them, it got nasty, I’m a mess, literally, I’m so not coping, it feels like I’m addicted to her, the other thing is she always went to narcissist when I first met her, I don’t really understand, I’m constantly doubting myself, and was literally on egg shells for so long. I would love to be able to get your opinion, I feel like I’m going insane.
    Thank you

    1. Hi Glenn,

      my heart goes out to you because absolutely you were describing all the symptoms of being horrifically narcissistically abused.

      There is nothing healthy, caring, loving about the behaviour that you’ve been receiving.

      As with all of us who were narcissistically abused the only way into emancipation, healing and true freedom from this is to turn inwards to investigate and heal the parts of you that are hooked in and trauma bonded, meaning what it is that is causing you to be totally addicted to somebody who is tearing your soul and life apart.

      I cannot recommend enough looking at my NARP program to heal from this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      Please know Glenn that there are many men in the NARP community working with this healing system effectively.

      We are here for you to help support you through this healing and recovery journey.

      I hope this helps

      Mel 🙏💕💛

      1. Hi Melanie,
        Thanks for your reply, I don’t think I mentioned, but she told me her ex was a narcissist, and after him she went to counseling and to a narcissist support group, I think she even went o a seminar you had on late last year, that’s what’s really helped confuse me, I know how she was with me was not anything I’d ever experienced, I was also constantly accused of perving, accused of going on dating sites, I just didn’t do these things, nor ever would, this girl was stunning, she was my life, I gave up everything for her, she wanted to move away to melbourne, and I said I’d go with her, my world was work then going home to her, I had to constantly take her away, we did melbourne 7 times last year, the Gold Coast, Perth. Down the coast 6 times, Bali, and I paid for it all including her spending money, before Xmas she wanted me to pay for airfares to Perth again. I didn’t have it, and she got mad at me, and as usual it’s not because I couldn’t pay, she always says it’s how I talked to her, but I’m so aware of how I do, as I’ve copped it so many times, our trip to Bali was a nightmare, I was constantly accused of perving, wasn’t even allowed to wear sunglasses, after 5 days of it, I snapped back, then I was the worse person in the world and got ignored for a day and a half, I’ve read the books on your fb page the free downloads, there’s so many things that I have experienced, then there’s things where I think it’s all me again, my mind is going crazy, I’ve never felt this way I my life. Please can you give me some advice on what I’ve just written, I’m so confused
        Thank you

        1. Hi Glenn,

          you are very welcome.

          Please know Glenn that the truth of the person has nothing to do with their proclamations of the past.

          The behaviours today and how it is affecting you is the truth of what’s really going on.

          In relation to what you are going through, trying to work “her” out is going to be very difficult, because narcissist say and do things that make your head spin, and make you feel like you are going crazy. It is so hard to get salvation that way, believe you me we all tried!

          I promise you this Glenn, the way home out of this pain, is to ask yourself these questions, “What is it about her and her invalidation and treatment of me, that reminds me about the way I’ve been invalidated and treated in the past?” I promise you that these people are usually not the original people who have hurt us, they are “more of the same”. And this is why the way up and out of this is to turn inwards and really investigate and heal you.

          I know you may not be ready for this yet, but after not getting salvation other ways, you may decide that it’s time to go within and free yourself from this terrible trauma. When you are ready, and or have had enough of the pain, I can’t suggest the link that I shared with you enough.

          I hope this helps bring you some more answers and food for thought.

          My heart goes out to you Glenn, And I promise you there is a way out of this agony.

          Mel 🙏💕💛

  21. Hi Melanie,
    I have signed up to your free webinar, I hope I’m ready, and try my best, I’ve been watching some of the videos on your fb site, some confuse me, everytime she left I was the one who always chased her, I kept thinking we could make it right, I always apologized, I’ve only ever once heard her say sorry, it actually seemed to me that she was broken, and I was always trying to fix her. I truly adore her. Some of these videos she’s watched, as things that are said, she always says I’m doing, one such video was, how a narcissist deals with a break up, it talks about the narcissist being addicted, but one of the videos you spoke on today mentions how we have an addiction to them, it’s so confusing, I basically love and loved her unconditionally, made excuses for things always justified things, I saw things from day 2 that weren’t good, literally day 2 was the only time she ever said sorry. I’m not perfect and sure I make mistakes, but I truly wasn’t doing what I was constantly accused of, I’m starting to think that maybe she did experience a narcissist in her last relationship, and she wasn’t healed, and maybe just couldn’t help accuse me of it all, I’m so confused, I’ve never felt so low in my life

    1. Hi Glenn,

      that’s so great that you are coming into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Glenn, have you seen this resource of mine. It may further help you https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/am-i-the-narcissist/

      Please know the addiction that you are going through and the symptoms that you are feeling as well as the confusion are completely consistent with narcissistic abuse.

      Her behaviour isn’t.

      Regardless of who is who in the zoo, the salvation and getting out of toxic relationship patterns is completely about going within and healing what we need to heal. As per what is discussed in this particular resource of mine.

      I’m so pleased that you are coming into my webinar.

      It is your time to heal Glenn.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

  22. Thank you for your replies, I’m constantly in tears, just not coping at all, she does so many of the things I’ve read, all the time saying I’m doing it all, I literally work all day and then come home to her, I was constantly expected to take her out to dinner, like 4 or 5 out of 7 nights, me pay like I did for everything, if we didn’t go out 9 times out of 10 I cooked, she was lucky to work 10 hrs a week, and for most of the relationship she did no work, I’d also have to send her a love letter text every morning, and if it didn’t have enough content she’d sometimes have a go at me about it, I was happy to do it, as I loved telling her much she meant to me. After the last time we broke up, she changed her number, she never gave me the new number, but I was supposed to leave her a love letter. When I knew her number, I was expected to contact her every 2 or so hours, and if not there’d be texts with question marks, when I didn’t know her number, and only she contacted me, it could be 5 or 8 hours between calls, which is fine, but totally different to what she usually expected, it made me feel really weird to be honest

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