How To Break The Trauma Bond To A Narcissist And Go Free

We all want to be free and feel free to be ourselves and happily go about our lives.

But those of us who are in a narcissistic relationship are stuck – literally trauma bonded to this person.

And on the receiving end of endless mistreatment.

This makes you feel aggrieved and unresolved, devastated, damaged, powerless, helpless, and of course even defective after narcissistic abuse.

All because the bond has not been severed.

In this latest Thriver TV episode I’ll tell you the truth about the trauma bond that’s been keeping you hooked up in the abuse.

I will also explain how the old way of healing is not serving you and how you can turn this around (quicker than you imagined) just like so many people, myself included, have.

Click on the video link and have a listen or read the transcript in the blog.

 

 

Video Transcript

Before I get started today, I’m going to encourage you to like and share this video with people in groups who you know are stuck in the trauma bond with narcissistic abuse, so that they too know it’s possible to heal for real from this.

Today, I want to take you through a fascinating journey regarding how to get real healing results and go free from narcissistic abuse and what the narcissist has been inflicting on you. Within this episode, you will also understand why you possibly haven’t been able to get free and heal from this shit.

Let’s start off by looking at the big shift that we need to make out of the head and into the body to get true healing done.

 

The Old Paradigm Of Healing

We’re going to have a look at the old paradigm of healing. And just like I believed once, you probably may be thinking, maybe you’re not if you are a Thriver and a NARPer, but maybe you haven’t realized this yet, you may be thinking that you need to talk out what happened to you, research narcissists and join in discussions with other people who’ve experienced what you have.

And at first, absolutely this is supportive, but you need to understand that these are all logical and cognitive activities. I want you to understand this, because it’s everything, your Inner Being, your emotional somatic self, your subconscious programs – meaning the energetic composition of your belief systems – and your emotional reactions, and feelings are actually driving your life, not what you’re trying to think. Think of your Inner Being as your inner child or your inner damaged self.

This is the part of you that feels aggrieved and unresolved, devastated, damaged, powerless, helpless, and of course even defective after narcissistic abuse.

I want to give you some metaphors to understand why the old way of healing does not connect to or deliver what your Inner Being really needs.

Imagine you are with a little person who you adore who was not yet developed solid or powerful adult. And this child gets hit by a car. And he or she is alive, but bleeding and terrified and terribly hurt in a shocking way.

Now, what would happen if you ran after the driver who departed the scene, instead of staying with this child to administer love, support, and maybe even CPR and call for help? What would happen? And what would happen after this child gets to hospital for a much needed recovery, if you stayed away and you just researched everything about the driver?

What if you never turned up? What if you didn’t lean inwards toward that child with love, healing, and support. Of course the child would feel deeply abandoned and continue to be very damaged.

Now, let’s even imagine a less dramatic experience of having a child who you adored, who ran up to you and said, “Mum, dad, I feel like nobody loves me and that I’m useless.” What would happen if you say to this child, “Shut up, I’m too busy, researching, and looking away from you, and venting about the bad things in my life. And I’m joining in with other people, blaming other people for what happened to me. And I want to stay angry and aggrieved with my life, as well as possibly eat junk food, and smoke, or drink, or binge on Netflix, or run back to an abusive person and have sex with them. I’m going to really do anything, little child, to shut you up and not listen to you and drown your cries out, and keep trying to ignore you.”

What would happen to this child? Maybe he or she would start screaming louder as our inner trauma does when we ignore it or perhaps this child will curl up in the corner with total compounding chronic depression, which of course is what starts happening in our Inner Being if we continue to ignore it and we don’t turn inwards to heal ourselves.

I want you to think about that and really embody what I’m saying, because I hope that you’re getting a sense now of what we’ve been doing to ourselves without realizing it as a result of not leaning inwards and truly healing ourselves.

The thing is when we know how to lean inwards and heal ourselves, it can be done so easily and directly. That’s the crazy thing. It’s just that you’ve been separated from knowing how to do this, let alone activating it.

I’m going to explain how to later in this video – we’re going to get to that.

 

Ignoring The Inner Call

Let’s go a little bit deeper into ignoring the inner call. We’re going to have a look at the issues with being taught to look everywhere else for our salvation, rather than lean inwards to create it. And again, I’m going to explain with some very simple metaphors that make perfect sense when you think about it.

Imagine that the engine of your car starts making really weird noises, would you just turn the music up so you can drown it out? Would you continue to drive your car and not attend to the engine? Of course you wouldn’t. Or maybe your roof is dripping – would you ignore it and just keep watching TV so you don’t have to think about it? Or maybe you’re just going to put a bit of plastic over that spot on your furniture that’s getting wet.

Of course you’re not going to do that, because you know that your car engine would eventually seize or blow up or your roof is going to cave in and destroy everything. Yet we let ourselves completely break down or our lives fall to bits, because we’ve not only been taught to not turn inwards to heal, we’ve also been taught to do everything but do that, which has been very helpful to keep a sicker life and completely and utterly dependent on systems outside of ourselves, and feeding them our energy and our money rather than being our own powerful healers, liberators, and creators.

Thank God I didn’t choose that system 10 plus years ago when I was told that I would need three antipsychotics and a life of possible institutionalization after my psychotic adrenal breakdown.

Thank God I found the way to powerfully heal myself from the inside out, which is what I’m about to share with you.

 

Leaning Inwards The Quantum Way

Let’s look at leaning inwards the Quantum way to truly heal our trauma programs.

Going back to the child that says, “Mum, dad, I feel unloved and I feel useless.” Imagine rather than ignoring this child or telling them that they’re stupid for feeling these feelings, which is so often the terrible method of trying to blame and shame ourselves back to health that we adopt, or trying to drown out the child’s cries for help and comfort with destructive addictive behaviors.

What if instead of that, we leaned inwards and we said to that child, “With every part of me, I’m going to lovingly be present with you, validate these feelings, hold them with you, then release them and bring in the truth for you. That is the real you who I know and honor exists – to allow you to upgrade to who you really are without this trauma.”

Now this may seem fanciful. Maybe your parent or somebody has said to you, or maybe you’ve said to your little ones, “I just wish I could take this pain away for you.”

What I’m talking about is even more Quantum than that. It’s not even about taking the pain away. It’s about taking the programs of dense energy and then bringing in who that child really is without the trauma.

It may seem unrealistic, but imagine if you could do it. The truth is you can for your inner child. You may not have realized that you are an incredible creation who has the ability, when you know how to communicate with the somatic part of your Inner Being, to Quantumly, energetically, from the inside out, work with a process that releases traumas and false beliefs and all of the dense energy that goes with them to go free from these false ideas that are not the truth and then to bring in the light, which is your super-conscious, your highest self, your True Self.

Some people call this God or infinite consciousness. I call it all of these things. This is what grants you a body shift from the inside out – out of who you were being in the trauma bonds to become the person you were born to be – free of these trauma bonds.

You reemerge into your ecological wholeness of being at one with self and therefore able to navigate your life with others in healthy and empowered ways. When you get the body shift, then your mind follows.

Your Inner Being is operating and driving 40 billion bits per second of what it means to be yourself. Whereas your logical mind is only operating 40 bits per second. It’s hugely disconnected from what’s going on in your life. And what this means is that your brain follows your body.

It’s really all going on inside of you, it’s your programming. This is why trying to think, learn, and research your way out of your trauma is about as effective as leaving the broken child hit by the car by the side of the road.

If you’re in your mind and not in your body, you aren’t even at the scene of the accident, where healing needs to take place. So here is the absolute truth, if you don’t go within, you go without. Just like if you don’t lift up the car hood or bonnet, wherever you are in the world, that’s what you call it, to repair the engine, you will never get the car running well again. You have to go into the car. That’s why we have to go into ourselves.

 

The Truth About The Trauma Bond

Let’s have a look at that and what that really means, shall we?

I’m going to talk to you about the truth about the trauma bond that’s been holding you in the traumatic symptoms of narcissistic abuse and keeping you hooked up in the abuse.

You need to know how powerful you are. And with that, did you know that there are reasons inside of you that are generating everything in your experience, and please know the bad experiences are not your fault. The reason why they’re not your fault is because the human experience on this planet is full of trauma. Just look at history and our world. The levels of trauma are insane and it’s literally been going on forever.

As far as I’m concerned, in my humble opinion, if you are here on planet Earth and you don’t have trauma, then you’re an alien. You’re not human.

So trauma is not only experienced in the human experience, it’s passed on generationally. It’s very race and gender based, and it’s collective – as well as obviously what happens in your childhood and what happens in your adult relationships going forward.

What trauma creates is strong emotional feelings of pain and fear regarding certain topics.

So let’s bring this back to narcissistic abuse. We all have Inner Love Codes. And we can think of these as interpersonal formulas with who and what we choose and experience in our life. Much of it is unconscious – and this could be things like friendships, family relationships, intimate love partners, even bosses, all sorts of things.

Our interpersonal painful traumatic Love Codes, our trauma bonds could be things like: the people I love leave me, invalidate me, abuse me, replace me, and even annihilate me.

These painful, energetic, emotional somatic feelings on interpersonal relationships have great power inside of us. And we think that this pain that we’ve experienced and this fear and this trauma means that if I just learn about these people and I avoid them, and I know what to look out for, this is never going to happen again.

We think that we’re saying no to these people by trying to do it through our head. However, we’re still feeling this in our body. The trauma is like housework. If it’s not cleaned up, it’s not going anywhere. It’s still there. It’s still a powerful, dense, emotional energy that is in our Inner Being, which it means it’s our beingness.

It means that we’re going to fall into lockstep exactly with these people.

Bear with me, you’re going to understand it more. They are the emotional match for our life in regard to relationship. It’s familiar. It’s our vibrational match. It’s what we’re used to do.

Love equals people who leave me, hurt me, annihilate me, and validate me, replace me, but it’s still love. That’s what is familiar, what we’re used to, and what we unconsciously seek without even knowing it no matter how much we try to learn, read, stay away from them or call them out.

Emotional energy wins every time, because your somatic subconscious belief systems are controlling around 97% of your life by the time you’re 30, regardless of what you’re trying to think.

There are two ways that this is really bad for you. Firstly, because the trauma – the toxic energy – is still stuck in your body and that’s really, really painful. This emotional dense energy is eating you alive. That’s your trauma symptoms, that’s the PTSD, that’s the agoraphobia, that’s the fibromyalgia, that’s the adrenal malfunction, that’s the eating and sleeping disorders, and the anxiety, and the depression, and the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. It’s the trauma generating it.

Also, because it’s like a heat-seeking missile as your Love Code, it keeps recreating more of the experiences that you don’t want to have – those experiences that have been traumatizing you.

Until you pick up the child that’s been hit by the car. Until you turn inwards to that aggrieved, hurt, damaged, terrible program. All of the dense energy that goes with this and reprogram it by picking it up and releasing it and bringing in your Real Self Love Code, which just is, that is there waiting for you without your trauma, the Love Code which creation has always intended for you, then you will grow up on the inside. You will heal up.

You become that inner healed child going to the adult, because you turned inwards and you administered this devotion, “With every part of me, I’m going to lovingly be present with you, Inner Being. I’m going to validate you. I’m going to hold these painful feelings, I’m going to release them, and I’m going to bring in the truth for you. That is the real you who I know and honor exists, so that you upgrade to who you really are without this trauma.”

Please understand this, your Inner Being, your inner child is the seed of you. It’s the engine. It’s the creative universe connected part of you that is connected to everything in the field that is generating everything.

That’s how powerful you are. And unconsciously, because of the trauma that you took on from things and people outside of yourself that’s not yourself, you were unconsciously generating a reality you didn’t want, but you can come out of the trance to reprogram that, to consciously generate what you do want.

Once you change everything inside of you that you need to, your head will automatically follow. We’ve had it the wrong way around, because no amount of doing this is going to change your beingness. When you change your beingness, who you are being, then everything changes. And I want you to get what “be-come” really means. It means when you BE it, then it COMES.

And this way, that Quantum way to heal, which is my Thriver way to heal, works directly on the causation, right at the source of your trauma bonds. What it does is it not only dissolves away all of your trauma symptoms, it grants you into a release, and a Self, and a life that far exceeds who you were being and how you were living previously.

 

In Conclusion

I hope you felt this. It’s pretty deep. It’s pretty Quantum. But this is the truth of the matter and it’s why your head hasn’t been able to heal and why getting in your body is actually how you heal for real.

It’s hard to explain in any way other than I’ve explained it, but the best way to understand it is to actually experience it. So for any of you who have never experienced one of my Quanta Freedom Healings, which is the process that creates this body shift, I want to invite you to come into my free Three Keys workshop.

It’s a free event and you get to experience personally this process that I’m actually talking to you about. So you’re going to feel it in your body and how it changes you.

The link now appears on the screen. And also you can find it in the show notes, because you need to experience this directly in your body to really understand it. Truly mere words are not enough to explain it. I want you to feel it for yourself.

For those of you who totally resonate, and maybe you’ve been in Three Keys healing, and you understand this, but you haven’t realized just how important it is to do this inner work, I can’t recommend NARP enough as a system that is so complete and is going to give you the ability to do this and it’s how myself and thousands of people from all over the world, reclaimed our soul, our sanity, and our lives in better ways than we could ever imagine as a result of doing this inner work this Quantum way. So check it out. Again, the link is there or you can find it in the show notes.

I hope that this has made sense to you when you realize now why the old paradigms of non-healing have kept you stuck, because the trauma’s still been generating in your body and you’ve been trying to just treat the symptoms rather than actually healing at the root, which is what’s really going to free you and get you a Thriver life.

I’m really looking forward to your comments and your questions in regard to this episode.