I will take you on a fascinating journey in today’s article regarding the 11 things that narcissists can’t stand.
I’m sure you’re curious to know exactly what stops them in their tracks and causes them to run the other way.
And, believe me, you actually have way more power to stand up to them and repel them than you think you do. You ARE totally capable of stopping them from hurting you and making your life unbearable.
On this journey I want to start with the things that get under their skin, leading all the way up to what is ABSOLUTELY intolerable for them!
Including the number one thing, above all else, that narcissists simply cannot stand!
Right, let’s get going.
Number 1 – Not Getting Enough Narcissistic Supply
If a narcissist is running low on supply, which means the attention that allows them to feel like they are significant and exist, then a gnawing emptiness and anxiety starts to bubble up from within them.
And, it is obvious. You will see the stark difference to when a narcissist is high as a kite with enough narcissistic supply (attention) to feed his or her insecure and demanding ego, and when he or she is not being fed supply how a darkness and moodiness becomes apparent.
This is the danger zone, where the narcissist can turn on you or must abandon the scene, escaping to access much-needed supply out in the world in an attempt to escape the self-annihilating inner feelings of the defective and deeply insecure Inner Being.
Number 2 – People Not Believing They Are An Authority
Narcissists need people to believe that they are special, talented and knowledgeable.
They can suffer big time narcissistic injury if someone who has more experience and knowledge than they do, enters a conversation.
They may try to take over and not let the other person speak or change the subject.
If this is not possible, they will leave. Then, of course, dismantle this person’s credibility afterwards.
Number 3 – You Being Happy
This is such a reminder to the narcissist that you are able to access and experience good feelings, whereas he or she feels dead on the inside.
This is an added insult to the narcissist if your good feelings are to do with someone or something other than the narcissist.
The narcissist believes that they should be the centre of your universe. And, how dare you be happy, when the narcissist can’t be.
He or she will do anything to take away your good feelings.
Number 4 – You Being Successful
As far as the narcissist is concerned, it is they who should be receiving all the acclaim, attention and accolades.
He or she is pathologically jealous and envious if you receive any recognition.
It is likely that you will be punished for taking away some of what narcissists need to survive – precious significance.
Number 5 – Others Being More Attractive Than Them
Narcissists, due to their delusional version of self, believe that they are the most desirable person going.
If someone else turns up commanding attention for their looks or personality, then the narcissist will be furious and will attempt to demean them as much as possible.
They may purposefully keep their partners away from such a person, because of their horrific insecurities.
Number 6 – Having Limits Imposed
Narcissists hate boundaries. They hate being told what to do, as they feel like this is intolerable control.
They like to be completely non-accountable to others. To be like a normal person feels like a terrible horror to them.
They are a law unto themselves. Narcissists believe they should be able to have what they want, when they want, how they want. And how dare anybody tell them differently!
Number 7 – Being Questioned
The narcissist believes that he or she is beyond reproach.
How dare you question the narcissist in any shape or form? They believe that you are supposed to allow them to do whatever they want to do, without question.
If you do question a narcissist, which of course you will, then you will be met with extreme defence mechanisms, rage or abandonment.
A narcissist will not tolerate it, let alone meet you reasonably to work things out.
Number 8 – Being Exposed
If, when the narcissist tries to mess with you, you have healed yourself from any fear, guilt or terrors of persecution and just calmly and clearly bring facts to the table, they become incredibly uneasy.
This is especially true when you bring other people’s attention to the conversations and interactions.
A narcissist can’t mess with you unless you allow them to drag you into the shadows.
Once you stand tall and true and bring things out into the bright light of exposure, a narcissist will shrivel up as much as a vampire does when a big bright light is shined on them.
Number 9 – You Refusing To Be Hoovered
When you know and hold your value, and no matter what the narcissist tries to do, you do not succumb and allow yourself to be narcissistic supply again – the narcissist will perceive it as a huge insult.
Why aren’t you caving in to the charms anymore?
Why do you believe you deserve better or that you can live without them?
All of these questions plague and haunt a narcissist horrifically, and strip them of their self-importance.
Number 10 – Being Ignored
There is an incredible ego injury that happens to a narcissist when he or she is ignored.
When you become “anti-fear” as a result of doing the work on your Inner Self to have zero emotional inner triggers, then you are no longer interested in the games, rubbish and power plays.
You will detach and refuse to feed them any more supply.
He or she feels powerless and despises that you cannot be affected anymore. The narcissist will and must take their nastiness and manipulation to somebody else to get a feed.
Number 11 – You Thriving
It is the greatest insult to a narcissist that you have been able to let go, rebuild your life, move on and create more success and happiness for yourself than you ever had previously.
The narcissist believes that you should have been forever affected, and completely devastated and desecrated for life. It makes him or her feel oh so important!
What is so wonderful about this community is that these old outcomes (personal unhealable devastation), which sadly were often the case for people who have been narcissistically abused, are now firmly a thing of the past.
You can experience a better life than you ever have before.
You can restore your health to incredible radiance and wellbeing, completely free of all narcissistic abuse symptoms.
You can move forward into greater trajectories, in every area of your life, than you ever had access to even before narcissistic abuse.
This is what I stand for and have the greatest joy in helping you generate in your life.
That is exactly what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) creates.
And you too can get going on this incredible journey that myself and others live every day.
So please remember to like and share this article with people who you know could benefit.
If you feel inspired, and you wish to be a Thriver who leaves narcissistic abuse and the narcissist behind in the dust, then write in the comments …
“I’m done with you, because I choose me!”
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Hello I purchased the NARP program but isn’t there some type of support group online to get support when you are really having a tough time?
I have been separated from my husband for 14 months now. He has left me in a huge financial mess. I am 41 and had to move to my parents. We built a house together. He has 4 kids from a previous marriage and will not allow the mother of his children to see her. He played it out so well she was the one doing wrong. It should have been a red flag for me in the beginning. I have one daughter from a previous marriage, she is now 20. She warned me when I first met him something was “off” with him. He’s a general contractor and has his own business. I worked for him for over 2 years. We have court on April 2. He feels he owes me absolutely nothing. I sold my home when we got married and gave up so much. I found out.on Dec 30, 2019 he was and is still having an affair with a woman he built a house for and she’s married. I contacted the husband and let him know. He had a suspicious idea something was going on. Ever since I confronted my husband on it I now am seeing the extreme devious side of him. I had to call the police.on Jan 5 2020 and ordered a “do not contact” anymore against him. He’s really flipped his mind now. I never had to deal with a narcissist before and I pray I get through this and pray for those that are going through the same thing and trying to get away. I was stupid during the separation as I kept having sexual relations with him. He knew what to say and do to Hoover me back in. Now, that we have no contact my mind is becoming so much clearer and I can see how toxic the whole relationship was.
Sending you so much strength during this time ..just make sure that you document everything..the only correspondence you should have with him should be in written form and think that anything that you write during this communication COULD be read out in court. He will do anything to demean you, discredit you and make you look insane. Communicate ONLY when you have to..otherwise go non contact.
Sending you best wishes..and you are in the right forum to heal and thrive..
Im just reading your post Justine – it is so wise and balanced – and yes this is the right forum for healing , learning and huge empowerment – you are an inspiration to all struggling with Narcissism
Thank you for these tips! I have been with and married to an emotionally abusive narcissist for over 10 years and I’ve finally had enough. We have two young children together and I will not allow him to speak to me or my kids as he has done in the past anymore! The divorce process is long and as expected he is making it more difficult. He thinks he’s owed anything and everything he wants. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and have tips I can use to isolate him. 🙏
Dear Christina,
Thank you for being so honest, you have had a dreadful time of things and now you have had your eyes opened to what your ex is REALLY like. I hope that the court case can go in your favour and you can start to rebuild your life. It is such a shock when you realise what this person has been doing to you, of course, you had a physical relationship with him when you spilt up because that is what they do, reel you in and then s*** on you again. You will recover from this but it will take time d support and I wonder if you are able to get counselling for what has happened to you. My Narc was/is my mother whom I have very, very little contact with as I know the games that she plays and I am now older and wiser. Don’t let this situation put you off people in your life as you BS radar will be on high alert now! Sending you love and positivity……
Dear Christina,
Having experienced the horrific side effects from NPD, I urge you to stay honest and listen to your intuition. Narc`s are smart enough to undermine and make you doubt yourself.
Going No Contact gave me the breathing space to ground, start breathing and plug into reality again, just like you are doing. You are safe now and under Melanie`s protective wing. Hang in their girl..you can do it
So proud of you! They can be really scary when they figure out their tactics don’t work on you. Keep moving forward. Keep loving you! The best is yet to come!
My husband and I have been married since 2004 (he love-bombed me so incredibly I lost all common sense) and in spite of my normal cautious sensibility, I married him. We have been ‘married’ for 16 years and have separated on multiple occasions for as long as nine months with him leaving to live with either his mother or his daughter. I have recently discovered the NARP program – which has literally saved my sanity. We are currently ‘separated’ – two years though this time he will not leave the house (I own the home). He sleeps on the couch and has moved all of his possessions (and taken some of mine) – except his clothing out of the house. He contributes absolutely nothing to living in the house and says he has no obligation to do so. He says why would he move out and make my life easy for me. He can see there is something in me that is new and strong in me that he does not like and he has turned up and meted out extreme ‘discard’ behaviors which I have shrugged off (since turning inward and self-partnering and begun working on healing my inner being). He has had a long career as a pilot – and has been fired from every job he has had since I’ve known him (always someone else’s fault). He was fired from his last job, flying a corporate jet, three years ago for fighting with the co-pilot in the cock-pit of the airplane during a difficult landing in NYC, with the owner of the plane on-board. Since that time he has chosen to deliver pizza, for cash and no record of employment. He owns several aircraft and a large hanger with an attached living space and flies his planes ‘for fun’. I have gone no contact in as much as I am able. I have four grown children and seven grandchildren who he forbids to come to my home because they detest him and how he treats me. They offer no ‘supply’. I am very grateful for this program – new information arrives just when I think I can’t go on. I appreciate being able to share with people who have and are walking a similar journey. Thank you.
Hi Linda,
I am so thrilled that you are working with NARP and being able to detach and get stronger.
You are going to be able to get through this Dear Lady, you are totally on your way!
Please feel the love and support from myself and this incredible community.
Linda are you a gold NARP member? Because if you are, then you can also come into their NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member Where we are available to help guide you and support you at any time that you require this.
Sending you love, power and breakthrough
Mel 🙏💕💛
Linda,
You need to get him out of your house … I told mine, “it’s obvious I’m not the one for you … you need to pursue your life, utilize this precious time to find the one for you!” … his narcissism took the bait and was quickly gone … within hours … I didn’t want and didn’t have the energy to go through his wrath … an aha moment gave me the idea … sure later he wanted back … but I reiterated the “It isn’t me you want … seek your desire!” … idiot took the bait …
Sure the mistreatment and disrespect make for unhappiness and that is not Love!
Clear your space of him!!!
Jackie
Since you own the house, put it up for sale, tell him he has 30 days to get out if he doesn’t evict him.
You will get through it! I was married to a Narcissist for 12 years. He had several affairs and outside children while we were together. We have three children together that he just started to tutor, he just earned his doctoring, so he goes by “professor”. I use to be sexual engaged with him as well even after we divorced. But, once I found out about another baby he lied about having for over a year I realize there was something seriously wrong with HIM! So I researched and discovered Melanie Toni Evans. I cutoff all contact with him! He could contact the children but not me, I wouldn’t even let him get a glimpse of me. Once I started doing the things Melanie advanced and praying. I felt my strength coming back. NOW that he does see that I have rebuilt and life is great for me and our kids he’s the one living at home with his mom, and other siblings, driving a 2020 Acura, still having babies and telling lies, until people really see him for who he is. One thing I did that helped I would put sticky notes in areas for only my eyes that stated his name and that he was a narcissist, pathological liar and to STAY AWAY FROM HIM. It will take some time but you will get there too.
This is a dangerous time for you so please be mindful to this. When they get shut out ( which they should be shut out) they can’t handle it and could snap. I would alert police of your fear so they can patrol more often and keep all doors and windows locked and don’t go out alone
Your situation sound so much like mine. My husband is a contractor too. I sold my house and he built us one. Which ended up being foreclosed on because he was to busy to work because he was stalking me and coming home every 30 minutes to see if I was doing anything useful. He drove our credit cards to the limit and ruined my credit When I finally split from him for good after 18 years of marriage I was no longer sad about it. It was an enormous weight that was lifted off me and our 3 beautiful children. Then the claws really came out. We were still living in our house before we were evicted and he even had the power shut off on us. Unbelievable. I also worked for him without pay. He said I was worthless and no one would ever hire me. Well I was promptly hired by a government agency with good pay and good benefits. Due to my bad credit I also had to move me and my children back in with my parents. It may sound bad but it all worked out. It’s been 10 years and I want to tell you I haven’t spoken to him in 8 years. It’s been hard but they have been the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I want to encourage you to keep going and believe in yourself. I have put my 3 kids through college and was able to help them buy brand new cars for them. I love my job and the people I work with and I’m proud of the things I’ve accomplished. I worked very hard to set a good example for my kids and in the end I can say that I did it myself and I didn’t need my husband as much as he thought it I did. Hang in there. You will make it too.
Examine the Bible. It is a true guide to peace and joy. He will be your true protection in times of fear and anxiety.
Hello everyone my name is Rhonda Talley which is my married name and has been for 31 1/2 years that’s how long I’ve been married to my husband Benjamin and it’s my first and last marriage you see I’ve been damaged beyond repair is the way I feel I’m 53 and I’ve had nothing but abuse all my life I grew up in abuse as a child through my dad being physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me my mom and sisters when I was 13 I told my mom I would not put up with a ( male cause I can’t call them a man when they don’t act like one) doing me like she was letting my dad do her and I did just what I said cause when me and the male that I married got married it wasn’t til then that he thought he could put his hands on me and it took me putting him in jail 3 times for physical abuse before he got it that I wasn’t to be done any such way just because he didn’t like something I said but lied and said I was in his face is why he hit me and I was actually across the room from him and he got up and came over to where I was sitting it took me years of fear of my dad bc I was a child to get pass before I could stand up to a male and not be fearful of him I tell my husband I don’t fear man I fear God and he ain’t God!! My education was stolen from me through being abused by my dad I couldn’t focus, comprehend, or learn but I liked school for one reason that was bc I got a break from the hell hole I lived in at home I broke and stopped the physical abuse with my husband I wish I could have had him arrested for the mental emotional and verbal abuse he does to me all the material I had read about Narcissists only confirms what I’ve already have went through with him but I don’t understand how he can be a narcissist when he was the last child ( the baby) of 8 children his mom had and they are always spoiled and for the longest time I thought that’s what the problem was until a friend of mine was talking with me and we were on the subject of my husband and how he does that’s when she told me he was a narcissist I thought she was talking about the kind that sets fires she told me no this kind was worse than that and how she knew was bc she had already dealt with one herself and knew what to look for and that was the end of last year and shortly after our conversation I started reading about Narcissists from material that would come on my phone on Quora digest Idk why it took me being married to him for so long before I started finding out who he was and it breaks my heart and makes me angry to the point if I could get away with it I would give him what I call a long time coming ass beating and try to beat it out of him cause it really didn’t seem like none of this narcissist shit started happening until he started doing meth in about the year 2014 things seem to get worst with how he treats me I’m taking all the reading material on narcissist and reading on as much of it I can read to learn and understand all I can while he’s in jail which has been over a month now and he started something new this time that he’s never done any other times before when he would be in jail and that’s the silent treatment he hasn’t spoken to me since he’s been in there this time and I’ve read on the silent treatment and reasons why the narcissist may use the silent treatment which is childish reason to me
I hope that you are safe and doing well!
I am currently have a protection order for stalking and harassment against an ex boyfriend for attacking me..it was to go to court for permanent order and at last moment his attorney came to me with an agreement settlement options..at first it sounded ok..a mutual no contact order with clause to cover incidental contact..since it was right before the court and I didn’t have time to process my thoughts I thought it might sound like a good thing….wrong..after researching found that if I agreed and signed I would basically be admitting that we both we at fault and if he wanted to push an issue that he thought I had contacted him, even if he made it up, I could be the one in dire trouble with the law..he had threatened to see me spend time in jail..this would give him that opportunity to fulfill that threat like others had been fulfilled..I am going through with the process for permanent order even though his attorney said he would take me over the coals..the individual involved didn’t want the permanent order because he knows he will loose his conceal and carry and it will be on his record. Better on his record than a danger to me..I have had no contact at all except what he has pushed right to the limit of the order for many months and through prayer and friends and these daily readings I am healing but still have some anxiety that he is lurking in the shadows..be careful ladies. I would never think that at 64 I would be going through something like this.
OMG, this sounds so familiar! Everything this article said, everything you said!! I split up with my husband of 37 years and what a mess! Good luck to you and yours. Stay strong!
Dear Christina, I cannot believe it that you also had been or are also going thru the same I do. It seems to read my own story. It is sad, but in some way it is also supporting to see, that i’m Not alone in this. I will start the divorce now and I already can immagine how he will react. Whish you all the best to you, Kristina
Hi Sandra,
yes absolutely there is.
If you are a Gold NARP Member, the NARP Private Member’s Forum is your 24/7 Community support and healing assistance place http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member
If you are not a Gold member, or if you have any problem connecting with the Forum, then please email one of my lovely staff at [email protected] so that they can help connect you.
Love and healing to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
What do you do when you are doing being and applying all of these things and they just absolutely cannot see it respect the boundaries and dont stop?
I have done all of these things. Heck even moved to a different city and beginning to find my happy. It seems the more I ignore him the worse he gets!
Hi Jo,
I can totally understand your frustration! Narcissistic abuse recovery has so much to do with the psychic and energetic phenomenon that goes on.
What I discovered, as well as with working with only thousands of people over the last 10+ years, is that it is often only the deep inner healing that frees and will de-tox you completely from this person.
To learn more about this please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where so much more is explained.
I hope that this can help you.
Much Love
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m so confused by my narc. Is she even really a narc? It seems like she just wants me to be a better person. She hates that I go out with my friends and drink. In fact she gets into a rage when I drink, but can drink and party herself. The thing is, she isn’t wrong in what she’s telling me to improve. Yet she has all the characteristics of a narc. Everything. But can narcs want the best for you? In the beginning she did so much for me – cooked, cleaned, laundry. She would go into a rage and violently attack me, especially since her communication skills are bad. She’s so good at making me feel like everything is my fault. But sometimes it’s true. I do things fo instigate and bring on her anger. It isn’t a healthy relationship at all. But I may have taken her for granted, which is what brought on all the narcissistic rage and anger.
Hi Ali,
Please know that healthy and loving people will encourage and communicate effectively. Raging and violently attacking is abuse.
Ali, the question is when we are being confronted by painful and aggressive or manipulative behaviour (or whatever it is) that starts to feel really painful and uncomfortable (our inner being telling us this is “wrong”), and it is on the way to escalating upwards (because we are accepting it as okay and therefore giving permission for it to get worse)…. is WHY are we tolerating this?
In other words, what is it about our previous history, such as our childhood, and our previous relationships, where we took the responsibility and allowed other people to treat us badly, because we thought that there was something “wrong” about ourselves. And also on a deeper level this is our familiar Love Code. This is our “normal” in relation to love.
Ali, I promise you that no matter what her diagnosis may be, that what you are experiencing is Not okay.
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you because I choose me
Just thank you!!!! I’m trying so hard to leave this narcissistic relationship….. I’m hoping I find the final strength I need
Don’t give up!! I’m at the same place. I’m meeting with a divorce lawyer this week to start the “official” process.
I am done because I have chosen ME.
Glenda, you choose you. You can do it. Every step gives more strength to take the next one. I know because I am there.
Blessings
Amen to that Melanie, every one of those perceptions of them is right on the money. I love it, when we heal we can look back and laugh at how silly we were to think these people can be normal🙏❤️
Where are you located?
My first narc is my da… he is so sick I believed as a child he was the devil. I believed as a no contact adult he had the power to anhiliate me just by thought. I thought when I stood up to him and had reached an acceptance of situation I had healed.
Recently 6 months ago I met a man I thought was the nicest man in the world. For the 1st time in my life I felt loved. (60yo)
I dont know if I’m imagining this but he just pulled the ground from under me again. The 3rd and last time he did this I had invited him for Valentines night for something special and an hour before he cancelled saying he was going to visit his mother who is in a nursing home. I was very concerned for both of them I heard from him 24hrs later and his Mother was fine there was nothing wrong and he did say he could have gone at any time.
He became a strange person on the phone who was so cold and cruel I couldn’t believe it. after some more of this bizare type of communication I went no contact.
I felt my energy return initially but then the confusion set in. I’ve spent a painful week missing my nice man, being confused and allowing myself the hear my doubts that were there from beginning. Too good to be true. He fits the altruistic narc description perfectly. He appears so good so caring so Christian but dent is ego and he makes you suffer.
I’ve just spent last week with my head in a spin doubting myself. Recently, but prior to this following a healing I got in touch with some very negative beliefs. I’m not good enough, I’m rotten and I’m un lovable.
This was such a surprise coz on the surface I’m sucessful. I know I need to heal but I’m shell shocked at this guy’s behaviour coz I thought he was the healthy one. It’s not just the example I gave its other similar times. Red flags are; disappearing on me at xmas, birthday and valentine’s days. Undermining my judgement. Liking when I’m vulnerable and unhappy. And admitting to not being able to seeing things from any other perspective than his own. We went through that the last time he gutted me emotionally. The guy is very unaware of his or other people’s emotions. About 2 weeks later he texted me to say he missed his best friend !
Am I over reacting, over thinking, too scared ? Or should I listen to my gut. Btw I’ve had dreams telling me I’m not seeing something.
Run Run Run….This is what they do!!
Yes, RUN! No Contact! You don’t want this disrespectful disruptive pattern in Your life. It can only get worse and longer to heal in the long run. RUN NOW!
Hi MJ,
Please know Dear Lady that safe and healthy love certainly does not feel like this. Disappearing on these special occasions is beyond hurtful, and it is absolutely not consistent with a genuine individual.
And, truly hun, such behaviour is not okay for you, or anyone. Yet, of course, I understand how hard it is not to give people more chances, because we want to believe that they are the people that we wish they are.
You are on the right track in regard to turning inwards to heal yourself, to free yourself from these really painful and confusing feelings, and then you will be able to let go of this person who is hurting you.
Have you looked into my inner transformational and healing resources yet MJ? Have you come into one of my free webinars http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar and/or looked at my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ? These will help you so much to get up and out of the pain and into your clarity and power.
And please know MJ, that when you do get your healing and Love Code aligned, there will be the possibility of beautiful and healthy love for you in your future. Absolutely!
I hope that this can help, and so much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear MJ that nice person is not coming back because he never existed, they can normally keep up the Pretense for the first 10 to 12 months, then the real person is exposed, by which time we are normally hooked, yes special events really triggers them Birthdays etc, they have no remorse or empathy, just run away and don’t look back, do the inner healing, you will get through this, Blessings Col
MJ,
I to grew up under a narcissistic, abusive parent … I couldn’t be more grateful for my education, although it’s taken all of 40 years to get a grip on a health direction in life plus a head injury as well I believe has helped …
I now understand that when as a child, we are exposed as we are to a narc parent our life from their forward is one of a victim. At first, we are unaware of the damage and walking the earth as such, landing abusive relationships of various kinds to various levels. Why? Because our tolerance if abuse is greater than the norm. In this realization we must break away, under that realization that this condition is not of us … we must give it all back and allow it to reside with its origin … as well at same time, genuinely respect their choices, decisions. And Stay clear of the abusers!!!
I do realize I’m still somewhat vulnerable to these types and prone to tolerate more than should, but I aim to be my own best friend and be aware of possible cues … I’ve recently came to another realization that there are many narcs in society … I recommend you work on You, give to You, and protect You … be most careful with the Trust factor.
I’ve been in counseling for over 20 years and has been of great help … also, neuro-acupuncture in treatment of my head injury has assisted my brain in making new pathways from injury sustained in fall. I truly believe this has all helped me to rise above my exposure to the prevalent abuses in my life. I do notice now am more aware of narcissistic behaviors … but they’re out there … they are great actors, for sure
Cleanse yourself of the toxicity, Be strong, and expose yourself to great things!
Take care,
Jackie
You could be describing the way my Narc ex treats me! That right there should tell you always trust your gut. Gaslighting, avoiding and redirecting conversations, questions or arguments is how they communicate. The best thing I found was different communities like this that actually can tell you exactly what behavior to look for and what is coming. It’s amazing how similar they all behave and how similar the effect is on us. Like they took a class at Narc school together. Going no contact is the best thing you can do for yourself hands down. You will finally get some of your energy back and some mental clarity. It’s a very difficult thing, going no contact, at least it was/is for me. It is easier the longer I am away. I had to ask myself once I understood what was happening “what am I getting out of this that makes me go back” that for me was not a pretty self reflection and I can only speak for myself. He was very exciting in the beginning. He still is but it’s not fun like I saw it before. He is mean now and I feel like I put myself in danger whenever he is around. We used to take motorcycle rides that I absolutely loved. So I got my own bike and learned to ride. I party alone and take myself out and take myself home and I don’t give my self a hard time for having fun! I found some new hobbies to occupy my mind and I started therapy. In he 3 years since he has been in my life, I lost 2 jobs, the house I had just bought before we met that I spent my retirement on, 2 businesses he and I started, 2 vehicles and a firearm. I moved to another town and was vulnerable enough to tell him where. I had a restraining order for a year but I violated it myself hoping he would live up to his promises to change. He is a liar among many other things. I work in the mental health field and to this day I feel sorry for him. I feel less and less that way as each day goes by. I no longer get feel he owes me, I have spouts of hoping today will be the day he proves his love, but he already has. There isn’t any, not like I need and not that shows in any way I have ever felt it before. I have tried to initiate light casual conversations to say thank you for a random gift or apologize for losing my temper after weeks of harassing messages just to prompt him to tell me how shitty I am. Don’t let them take you to dark places in your soul. Reach out to others, you are a valuable human and deserve to be treated as such. If you engaged in the ugly behavior they will stoop too. Just stop. It is never going to get your point across. It is just going to make you feel as ugly as they are being. I have a million horrific stories of humiliation, violence, emotional, financial, physical and verbal abuse. I also have a handful of stories of live and emotion and future planning that I know realize was make believe. He may be the first guy that I try to completely erase from my mind and picture library and love letters and all other traces. You can do this , it’s very difficult and the rewards are worth it. Reach out to your support resources a lot! I love you all and wish you all the best!!
If you have a facebook account they have a quite few groups on there. They can be very supportive. Type Narcissist/Narcissistic support group or something along those lines in the fb search bar. They can be private groups which is best if you dont want everyone of your facebook friends and family knowing all. All the best.
Do not use online support groups who bash narcs. It’s about you healing your trauma and wounds which happens with Narp. Take the focus totally off narcs. Or else you remain energetically tied.
Yes of course. The online support groups. You must have been given a link! Contact them…
Sandra…..if you have the gold package, so worth it, the join the forum …it’s the Narp support group. Its essential. Heaven on earth support. ❤️Login in asa narp member email [email protected].
Hi Sandra
Yes there is also the NARP comunity which you can accesss with your membership. Look for it. I am there and find it very supportive. Hope this helps.
Could not see the other replies you had. Now I can see you have been helped 🙂
I would love to have someone to talk with during tough times. It is very difficult getting past some things without having someone to talk with that had experienced the same mess.
I did go back / actually never left — 3 times. Which I understand is lower than average. I am sober 23 + years and finally felt my sobriety was in jeopardy.
And said so. I have no doubt his new supply was in place by then.
Yes I found bought the gold membership. best Ever support on the forum. …details should be in your confirmation email.
There’s a group forum, have you found it now? X
There is a Facebook private support group called Overcoming Narcissist Abuse. It’s a lot of us on there sharing the same experiences and offering help and support. I think you would like it!
Yes….with gold membership….join the Firum. Excellent.
This was the best article I have found to try and work out what I was dealing with in my relationship of 11 years
The points where spot on so she moved on when I just shut down within one day there was a new man.
I came out of a ten year relationship as an absolute shell, I’m in recovery and look forward to following this site it has helped me so much just reading one article.
For that I say thank you 😊
Sandra. If you bought to gold program there is the forum you can/absolutely must join. Worth every cent. Best kind support …..Incredible support. Email [email protected] for help getting in.
This is Rhonda I have a question Who taught or showed the people who are narcissists what to do, how to act, and how to talk to be a narcissist cause I don’t see where they could been born knowing all of it. I don’t have a website all I have is a email cause I don’t work I don’t have a business I get SSI a month
I am done with them. I choose me! And my happiness. I choose to thrive!
I am done with you because I chose me
I MUST Thrive. I joined a Psychological Counselling class and lessons are doing wonders to my Healing and Thriving process
Thank you Mel
You are very welcome Rebecca,
it’s wonderful you wish to thrive!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Denine,
Please know that it is impossible to press charges without proof.
What I would do is strengthen up your boundaries, by installing video cameras, and then do the inner healing work on the trauma of this with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Narcissists are a psychic phenomenon, and when you have purged all that is triggered by them from within yourself, then they no longer have the psychic energy to be able to operate in your experience.
There is no better and more powerful way than to detox this person out of your life, then by detoxing your inner being first.
When your inner becomes clean and clear of them, then the outer must follow. It’s quantum law and it is as absolute as gravity.
This is my highest and strongest suggestion to you in this situation.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie will I ever heal? I’m 65 and not a beautiful woman anymore. My narcissistic soon to be ex said he left me cause I’m getting wrinkles. Do you think I will ever move on or that a man will find me to be ok.
Vicki, don’t believe the lies the narcissist has tried to feed you to make himself feel better. You are PERFECT just the way you are.
Work on yourself and move forward, find peace and happiness within in YOU, not from someone else.
Dear Vicki,
After reading Melanie`s loving return posting, where she brilliantly said it all, I just wanted to add
something. Over the weekend there was a picture of Sharon Osborne who now has stopped colouring her hair. She looks fantastic,classy and better than ever. Age is not a factor, beauty is forever.
Hi Vicki,
please know Dear lady that it is possible to heal from narcissistic abuse, no matter what age you are. We have amazingly happy and free Thrivers in their 80s!
Sweetheart, you are beautiful! Beauty is your soul and from within, and wrinkles are even beautiful! It is so common for narcissists to hit you where it hurts and strip you of all of your self-esteem.
As far as I’m concerned if any man was to leave you because of a few wrinkles, he has done you are an enormous favour in leaving. Who wants to be connected in a relationship with such a superficial, nasty human being anyway.
True love has no such conditions.
I’d love you to check out my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp It is the system that emancipated and healed myself as well as so many people in this incredible community.
It is your time Vicki. Enough is enough with the pain and faux love you’ve been through. I promise you that when you heal you will be so attractive and lovable to many, many men. And it will be you who will do the choosing in regard to somebody who is worthy of you.
I hope that this is been able to give you inspiration and hope for the future.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
We arrive with wrinkles, newborn, as we are! I agree !! ..truly beautiful!!!
Hang in there, and stay with it “In Him” & the resources that He has provided through this precious vessel! You are BEAUTIFUL and DEEPLY loved!!!!!
Vicki, my observation about this sort of thing is that it is the narc projecting their insecurity onto you! He’s using you as a scapegoat for his own shortcomings/insecurities around agedness by dumping how badly he feels about his own middle agedness onto you. My ex’s dad did the same thing to his wife (he used her “agedness” as an excuse to have an on-going affair with a woman 23 years his junior for decades; in other words it was “her fault” being so old (they were the same age!) that he was having an affair with a much younger woman *because* she was (x )years old! My mother-in-law was kind, sensitive and looked just like Jackie-O, but he broke her down so badly, and made her feel so unattractive and unworthy she wouldn’t even leave the house. No, *he* was Peter Pan (refusing to grow up!). In his mind’s eye, having a much younger side-piece made him appear virile and younger. In other words, she was his mask he put on every day/how he projected *himself* to the world (youthful!). The truth was they didn’t “match”. Always running after her and waiting for her for hours in parking lots until, i.e., her night course was over. God forbid she meet someone more like her (he was in his mid-forties and she in her early 20’s when he snatched her up.). And that’s another point. The narc will sell his soul in the end to maintain the facade until the Universe decides otherwise leaving them alone. I’m 56 and no one made me feel more undesirable, unattractive and old! than my ex (his son dipping into his dad’s bag of tricks). Admittedly he knocked up against me pretty hard and did a pretty good job undermining my self-confidence. But, thankfully, finding Mel and using her NARP program has seen me heal and resurrect my new and evolving INDEPENDENT life. You need to understand that negative and hurtful feelings bring our energy levels to a very low vibrational level which does make us feel old and worse, being at this level attracts more of the same sort of (abusive) experiences. It also means living in a fog (foggy thinking, poor decisions, poor diet, depression, enabling more narc experience because of neediness). But using NARP actually processes/heals this low vibrational energy from our experience and elevates our spirit leaving us feeling much lighter/youthful. It’s also what we project. (Youth!). And like attracts like. So if we’re Being at a higher vibrational level, guess how the universe/source responds to us? And do you know who my admirers are? Mid forties and younger. What do you think attracts them to me? My attractive smile. My self-confidence. My independence and spontaneity (up side to be older with a grown family). :0) Be strong. Don’t drink his Kool-aid. Your glasses are a tad foggy and you’re don’t a pint. Believe me, you are a beautiful soul inside and out. Get healthy (NARP) and you’ll see. Namaste
I’m younger than you but at times I asked myself the same question. Will anybody ever want me. I have jumped into relationships only because they wanted me and I needed that love. After those horrible narcissistic relationships I have Now that I am free of them, decided that no it doesn’t matter I don’t need anyone if I’m going to be treated horribly. Is it matter if somebody would ever want you if you can be happy alone? Take time to be alone with you and God and you will find peace. I choose only to be with a person if I could keep my peace With them. If not I’m happy alone.
Of course you can and will heal.. Just do Narp. Great online support. It’s heaven on earth. Narcs are mean. Your life will turn around. Do it for yourself❤️
Vicki … the awful toxicity of narcs will eat up your self esteem. Once you do Narp and heal you will feel beautiful again….then you’ll know you are lovely inside and out. Get away from this evil. Do narp and heal the wounds.
I am done and I choose Me!
Awesome Natalie!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel, what is so devastating for me is I have fought for my daughter and granddaughter caring and giving to them. I did have my insecurities and crying episodes a few to many times as I felt they had no consideration for me it was always about getting something from me it’s hard to believe my own daughter is like this she is an addict and I feel for my granddaughter I to was an addict due to my traumatic childhood I have been clean and sober almost 19yrs. My daughters father was a narcassist I left him when my daughter was two he had not seen her for almost 28yrs. Anyway I finally cut my daughter and granddaughter loose I just can’t take the abuse anymore I have suffered since a child I feel bad for my daughter but she needs to take responsibility for herself I have carried her long enough she is just using me.
I had no idea I was with a narcissist. I thought it was the alcoholic in him…after he left me in the middle of the night after being together for 5 yrs living together past 6 months, I started seeing the flags…but as I continue to read your articles, I now recognize the actions that were done over the years but got worse when we cohabitat just recently. Especially the boundaries. wowww!
I’m trying to heal. but find I’m healing alone, for there is no contact from him to me…how can 1 turn themselves off just like that??? After 5 yrs..
Yes, that is the way they are. I was romantically involved with a narcissist for more than 10 years, I always suspected that he was a cheater, I would always confront him and he would deny it, I wanted to believe him, cause I was so inlove with this guy, until I got sick and tired of women hovering him, which eventually I figured out that these were women that he was actually having relationships with, when I asked for more clear proof that he was not involved with those women, he just stonewalled and never proved anything, just said that I was jealous and that he could not handle that. It was devastatingly disappointing as only by this action I could clearly see all his lies.
Hi Natalie,
have you connected to my free and are transformational resources? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse
This will help you get answers, clarity and strength. As well as healing.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m done with you, because I choose me!
Still working on this, …yet every little thing that takes me closer to thriving is a monumental step for me! I cherish it, protect it, and do not want to relinquish it in any way.
Thank-you Melanie, for all of your hard work and efforts to teach us how to climb out of these webs that have been woven around us! I have been caught for over 11 years now. (and was trapped with this same person for 6 years at an earlier time)
These past 11 years have been so confusing and hard, many times I would beg and cry for him to release me, he would never agree, and somehow I was never able to get away. It was infuriating, and at the same time embarrassing, and finally depressing and hollow because of all the promises. And we don’t even live together!!
I could not understand then, why this person would not agree / or why I could not just get away and end this strange and (obvious to me), unloving relationship!
THEN BINGO, your book magically appeared to me 4 months ago in a bookstore , and I finally had my AHA moment!! All of the puzzle pieces came together!!! I read and re-read , underlined and journaled and worked with the steps in your book.
I went through some intense times, through a fog of reality- versus- unreality which I understand now as cognitive dissonance. I had some PTSD to deal with also, and that has faded tremendously.
When I first stopped giving supply in any way ie eye contact, phone calls, conversation etc. he would scream at me. I imagined myself as a boring little rock of no interest to him, and interested in nothing to do with him.
I have severed some of the strongest parts of his web, I no longer work for him at his office, I have my car up and running again for the first time in 10 years, I have no desire to call him or spend time with him.
I am making progress with all of my inner work,
although I know there is much ahead of me, because last night I dreamt that he found another, and in my dream I was uncomfortable with that. And honestly, I thought I had put all of that behind me, but more work on this letting go needs to be done.
There are some other threads to cut still, and I will keep sawing away til it is disconnected. Although to my great dismay, I am finding it hard even to fully believe that and I know this means more inner work needs to be done -in the meantime
I will keep at it.
Thank-you for being a light for all of us:)
Gen
Hi Gen,
That’s so great that you are fighting the good fight for your liberation.
You are very welcome and totally my pleasure!
I’m so pleased that my book has helped you so large and you are applying the understandings and exercises in it.
Gen, to really fast-track and get a powerhouse of healing within you and underneath you, I encourage you to check out my NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
It truly is the fastest and most powerful way to detox yourself from a narcissist and break free at a soul evolutionary level.
I hope that this helps, and keep going.. You are doing an incredible job after all this time of abuse.
Sending you love and blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
I read all the 11 points and it made me sick. No wonder I don’t want to go anywhere anymore, just stay at home. I think this has affected me more than I ever thought after reading your 11 points. The only thing that makes me feel good is looking as attractive as I can. That’s the only thing that makes me feel like a human being. I’ve tolerated this for about 15 years, I am now 73. Is he really what God wanted for my life?
Hi Judith,
I know it is such a raw deal and my heart goes out to you.
I promise you Dear Lady that when you turn inwards to self partner and heal yourself, that you can, at any age, break free into feeling the most whole and happiest that you could ever imagine. But it truly does take inner work to get there.
Please know that there are beautiful Thrivers in this community who are in their 80s!
Judith, check out my free inner transformational resources http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse . I know that this can truly bring you comfort and healing.
So much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Judith be comfortable in the fact you only had 15 years you were strong enough too remove yourself from this person. I am still in a marriage of 47 years. I am 70 next year. My first daughter was born with a disability, my second died, my third I spent 5 half months in bed and she survived , then a son. I have a lovely family. Which they have always been my rock. Even though our marriage was a roller coaster of emotional abuse I could never leave , my children were my life for many years. Now we are retired the children all live far away. But I have a good relationship with them all . My husband and I live seperate lives in the same house . Fortunately we have good friends and I love craft and sewing so I have a full life. I am a survivor and have learnt a lot about living with a husband with a narcissistic personality. He is no longer abusive after joining a church which has shown him how to relate better. But the love I had once is now completely gone and I see him as a companion only.
Melanie’s words are so very true. I have used all of them at one point and brought my NEX to his knees during our divorce proceedings. My children are with me 92 percent of the time after a custody evaluation. My NEX is mandated to get therapy w my boys. Should be hoot! We even had karma 24 hours after I received a big job promotion my NEX fell and severely fractured his arm putting his ability to work as a surgeon in question. Funny how life turns out when you protect yourself and self partner. HE CANNOT TOUCH ME I am always on guard and simply using the NARP healing and MTE’s advice. Now when I think of him I feel nothing at all it has been 19 months free of him.
Hi Ker,
It truly is incredible what starts to happen when dedicating to the inner healing with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I am so thrilled for you and your boys that you have had such powerful breakthrough results.
Thank you for being an inspiration to others who will also going through custody and coparenting difficulties with narcissists.
Continued blessings and love to you and your sons Ker
Mel 🙏💕💛
I read all the.11 points that is so true about this narcissistic people are behaving. Thanks so much Melanie for keeping us updated. I’ve.been in this relationship for 23years with my narcissistic ex husband ,everyday miserable but thank God that I’ve managed to left him and be able to put some boundaries between us. I’m already healed and I’m also happy as I’m staying with my children
Thank you so much Melanie
Hi Evelyn,
you are very welcome!
I’m so pleased that you are out of the relationship and so much better.
Much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💛
Oh my. So true. I am working through the NARP program diligently and healing very deep wounds. It started with identifying a narcissistic partner and when I “reached out to family” I discovered why this narcissist found his way into my life. I’d been raised by one! This list is so bang on, and now that I see everything, well, I can’t unsee it.
Hi Sylvia,
gosh it is so true that once we start releasing trauma with NARP, and the truth flows in, that incredible clarity comes!
That is awesome that you are unravelling and healing all of this.
Sending you continued love and healing Sylvia
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am starting to feel abandoned for standing my ground because it’s family. It’s hard not being a giver anymore only to be used and abused.
Hi Luisa,
Sweetheart, keep clearing all of these traumas arising with NARP. Truly, hun, we have no control over who abandons us, and the most important thing is that we keep healing and don’t abandon ourselves.
I promise you that your family is a soul aligned family. Family does not need to be genetic.
True connection, communion and love await you. Keep going with your healing. And as a NARP gold member, please know that you can come into the NARP members forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Incredible support and healing information boosts are available for you at any time that you need help. You don’t need to do your recovery alone.
I hope that this helps and much love to you Luisa
Mel 🙏💕💛
“Without your fear, anxiety and heartbreak as the energy to keep powering up and hurting you, the narcissist runs out of fuel”.
How brilliant is this episode by Melanie .Without personally experiencing the life with those reptiles, it is impossible to give such accurate description of those beasts who will do absolutely ANYTHING to keep their faked grandiosity alive.
No description of those so sick damaged narcissists can match Melanie’s
Hi Nira,
I’m so pleased this resonated with you.
Keep healing Dear Lady and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie’s articles are so spot-on as to what I experienced with a narcissist I am in awe after reading each and every article. I often feel like she knows him personally or was present and witnessed the abuse I suffered. I parted ways with him in 2009, but he still contacts me every 3 months or so with promises to send me a check as partial payment for the money he owes me. I know I will never see that money repaid. He just enjoys taunting. Now when I see an email from him I just reply “Gee Gary you sure seem to have a problem letting go of the past.” It’s been 10 years.
Hi Debby,
What would even annoy him more sweetheart, is for you do not answer anything at all.
That means that he is totally obsolete!
Sending you love and an amazing catapult into your new and true life!
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you and I choose me.
Finally I have a life. It’s a struggle financially and after 2 years I still live in stress as my finances through mediation settlement and court orders are in his hands for the next 3 years but I’m not lonley and if need be, then maybe I will live on the road like many ladies my age choose to do these days. In fact I think I’d enjoy such a life.
Bless you Rosie for choosing you!
I hope that life does bless you with easier living and abundance.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you. I choose me.
Nothing like living in the present. It bothers my ex most when ppl see my truth, honor me, take my side, and I’m having fun. He has tried so hard to destroy me, and lately, I’m having a hard time not laughing in his face. In fact, I often do. And it makes him madder. and I just keep moving forward.
Hi Chaya,
That is so great that you have detached and living your life.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you. I chose me.
Although I am still living with the narcisstic after years of abuse I am feeling more freer than I ever had before as I have been thankfully watching yr thriver programs and reading yr awesome articles for years. Thankyou Melanie, you have been the light in my very dark life. Xx eternally grateful, Deb🙏😊
Hi Deb,
that’s beautiful that you can say this declaration with conviction.
I’m so pleased that you are doing better even though your circumstances have been very challenging.
So much love to you Deb
Mel 🙏💕💛
I have experienced all of this with the one I’m thinking of. After I had to get away from him because I saw through him quickly, he later “dated” (only used for adoration as the god he thinks he is, and sex) a very below-average doormat for a few years. It was so obvious about his complete lack of real love. It’s been years since I saw him, and the last time I did, he assaulted me because of how rageful he was that I left him. I am still incredibly angry at all of his emotional & physical abuse, and I’m really tired of having this mental hang-up. I really think I have OCD normally, and this jackass is the recurring player for it. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is.
Thanks Mel. I always find your messages to be informative and insightful. I know you are providing courage, hope and wisdom for so many who have been traumatized. Along with all of your materials, which I read/study frequently, I’ve added proper nutrition, spirited physical exercise, regular meditation and “blessing the times when I feel triggered.” I wholeheartedly agree with you that living well is the best and only antidote. It is with a grateful heart that I am feeling more equipped and with a renewed sense of energy to see what I can create at this juncture in my life. Blessings to you.
Thanks Mel. I always find your messages to be informative and insightful. I know you are providing courage, hope and wisdom for so many who have been traumatized. Along with all of your materials, which I read/study frequently, I’ve added proper nutrition, spirited physical exercise, regular meditation and “blessing the times when I feel triggered.” I wholeheartedly agree with you that living well is the best and only antidote. It is with a grateful heart that I am feeling more equipped and with a renewed sense of energy to see what can be created at this juncture in my life. Blessings to you.
Hi David,
I’m pleased that my messages are really helpful for you.
That’s wonderful and powerful that you have been applying your personal transformation for really great results.
Many blessings and much love to you too David
Mel 🙏💕💛
I enjoyed this article.
I feel like Alice in Wonderland except I don’t know if I’m Alice or if I’m Wonderland. Maybe I’m both 😕
Ha ha Sandy,
I’m so glad that you enjoyed this article!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
One more comment, although I could certainly comment all day, I just don’t understand how more people don’t see through it. Especially with someone who has no physical boundaries! You can’t even assert yourself around the guy without him becoming rageful emotionally and physically. So honestly I really can’t wrap my head around how he is so popular, even if he does have a different Dynamic around other people than with me
Feeling free is the best . NARP has given me the most important tools to a life that is my own . My own power back and loving it . My body no longer tells me I am under threat because it does not longer effect what opinion of others are of me . Diligence and hard work within is the making of a life with out nassasistic infliction. Melanie your a blessing.
Hi Susan,
I love that NARP has helped you get free.
It’s fantastic that you’ve put in the work on your inner being and that you have reaped the rewards.
Thank you, Susan, for your beautiful words and sending you much love and continued blessings
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you I choose me .
Thanku Melanie …I found you when I was knocked down but today …over two years later …I’m over him……now waiting for my divorce to go through…I have used all your resources that you make available and I am definitely going to buy your book as a Thankyou.
I love you and keep doing the awesome work that u doing …You are phenomenal…
I send a healing prayer to all those who have been affected by Narc abuse …sending you healing and love…You will come out of it too.
Hi Sarojani,
I love that you are choosing you.
That’s great that you are getting my book, and I hope that it brings you great peace and power.
I love you too Sarojani and thank you for your beautiful words.
Thank you also, beautiful soul, for your love to all.
Mel 🙏💕💛
I love this Melanie!
It’s so “free – ing” when we finally get it, …we get the revelation that “we were never created to have a God before HIM! He is God, and there is NO OTHER! We were born to worship Him only. Man is not our God”. We don’t need to feel bad about it, coddle them (which is lying against the Truth), think we’re walking In Love by explaining to them, or continue to endure (the lie) of depression or sleepless nights. We’re coming into His Truth, and that’s where we get set free. Bottom line! We don’t have to explain that to anyone….only recognize the humble hearts that come into our ipaths, so that we can release unto them the Hope that has been set before us. NO MORE GIVING PEARLS TO SWINE!!!!
I’m so glad that you love this Aneas,
And it’s so true that no longer do we have to tolerate and be subject to abuse.
There was such a greater life and love to live.
Love and blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you, because I choose me!
That’s so great Sandra!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am broken. I don’t see him there is inly a small amount of email contact but the finances have me so stressed I feel crippled. Its 2.5 years since he left me after 25 years. I say that but he actually left me twice before. Im sure I never asked him back he just persuaded me. He has a new wealthy supply that he will marry but thats fine. Buy why do I feel so crippled. I read what you say makes perfect sense but is it because I dont want to thrive. I feel emotionally broken but on the outside I hold it together for my kids. I cant crack.
Hi Helen,
my heart goes out to you. Please know that what you are going through is such a terrible byproduct of being narcissistically abused and so normal.
However, there is a system and a way to be able to help you take back your sanity, power and peace and I would really love to show it to you.
Please Helen come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Where you can get to experience my healing system, that even in this one session in the free webinar with me can help you gain strength and clarity straight away.
I hope that this helps
much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’ve been on the NARP programme for a while now and I stood up to the narcissist in my life two months ago. He’s now branded me a nut case, cut me off and you know – I couldn’t care less! Now I am truly free of him, I’m starting to look back and see just how deranged he was and how much work I needed to do. I’m actually sleeping better now for the first time in many years.
I’ve ready so many of your articles Melanie and this has completely turned my life around. Thank you!
Hi Sonia,
that is awesome that you have done the inner work to be able to get to this stage with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
Well done Dear Lady!
I am thrilled for you.
Many continued blessings and breakthrough to you and much Love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Sonia,
Congrats for being cut off!!! That is amazing!!! LOL. We are all so lucky to have found NARP and you for sure are Thriving!!!
I reciently had a Narc attack from a new co-worker. It just bounced off.
Once again, survivors like you prove we are on the right track
Thanks for you posting.
Well done Dear Lady!!!
In context, beautiful: “..cut me off and you know – I couldn’t care less!” A joy to read!
Is it possible that I can hold on to the love I have for the person and keep it for me? This has been part of my healing. I recognized how much attention went to this person. And how I lost parts of me in a value system different from my own to adjust to what I thought was being a team player in a bigger picture. The trick of no compromise comes with the exact science of this healing. Finding ones true self and honouring that child within . The Narp exercises have brought me deeper to places that I didn’t think existed but really they were so there ! Ready to be uncovered. I’m not sure if this person exactly was a factor but they were a result. They don’t think they are a problem for me, nor do they seem to care if they are but they proclaim love. They want to still have me to love. Hmmmm . I am puzzled only for the fact that this elusiveness is intermingled with a genuine connection. The other I can do without. I can now separate myself and unattach any ideas that I have had that this is the true love I seek and I do know it is not the love I want to live with with myself as a romantic partner. After 4 months of myself doin not contact , which was hard at times but healing I stopped bcse I recognized that demo using a person who I love and who I am capable of loving as a person felt better to me than pushing them far away. I gave enough space to myself that I can take healthy space for me and still be in touch with them in a friendly way. What I still wonder at times is if I am compromising my own values / boundaries by doing so even though I am not seeing myself in a romantic relationship with them again . Thanks! I am so eternally grateful to come to “ know” such a beautiful wise soul as yourself Melanie through your knowledge and program . It has been the most helpful thing for me in healing very wounded aspects of myself. And I will continue …❤️
I can relate to how you feel. I struggled with this man in my life for 6 years now. I have decided that this person is and will always be who he is. I cannot change him, nor do I care to try anymore.
If I decide to have a friendship with him I need to expect a certain behavior, keep a certain distance and never forget that he is a narcissist. My question to myself is this: Is he worth the time, the effort, or the stress that even a platonic relationship with him will give me? I know my answer. I do miss the fun talks, the look in his eyes when “the demon” isn’t in them, and the memories that I want to believe were genuine but sadly know that they probably were not. As I write this I know that exactly one hour ago I unblocked my phone from him. I know now that i need to block it again this hour! Be honest w/ yourself. Trust instincts and best of luck to you!
Any advice on how to prepare for a court hearing. I took half of the money from our joint account, 2 days after he bought his paramour a $3100 engagement ring with a credit card I did not know about (appears there are more) and then paid that bill through the joint account! What an ass. So he is having a motion for enforcement to make me put the money back. Everything I have read about NARCs in court is scary. I am working to heal and steel myself for this event.
The * truth of no compromise
Thank you so much for this! I’m so grateful for NARP and the MTE team!!! I remember when I was with a narcissist it felt like I was almost losing my mind because I was so happy in the beginning and I couldn’t figure out why he was so mad that I was so happy. He would pick fights and do anything to bring me down. It was vicious. NARP helped me realize that my eyes were in the wrong place and that where I really needed to look for answers was within. Day after day, those of us who experience narcissistic abuse often get caught up asking the wrong questions. It is not until we turn to the correct source that we can truly begin healing. I can say with all my heart that NARP did more for me in a couple of months than four years ongoing traditional recovery meetings two and three times a week. NARP is empowering because it fosters independence that comes from within; any other program of recovery I have run across is focused on driving up its member’s numbers, which I find to be inherently problematic and conflicting. NARP does exactly the opposite; the more that we become free, the freeier we become.
Hi Jillian,
It’s my pleasure and I’m pleased that myself and the team can help.
I love that you worked with NARP and turned within.
That’s beautiful that you have done the inner work and freed yourself Jillian.
So much love and many more blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie,
I can NOT wait to meet you in person this month!
Just as I’d said I would not travel so much, I’m going to the exact other side of the planet to thank you in person for all the work you do for this community.
Reading the entries, it makes me so sad that women have endured such trauma for lifetimes. I”m sure I could never have survived if my experience had been any longer than 18 months. That alone was beyond imaginable.
I’m so deeply grateful to be on the other side of that death and to have found True LIFE and profound inner worth and love. It was worth every tear. I thank God from the bottom of my soul that He allowed it to happen and then freed me completely by sending me you with the Quantum Truth and Understanding tools.
Thank you so much for all you are giving the world.
Quantum Love to you🙏🌈❤️⭕
I feel you Iris….
Yes to you.
Yes to healing.
Yes to love.
Big Quantum Love.
Have a blessed time with Mel xx
Hi Iris,
(excited shriek!) Oh my goodness … I’m speechless … I don’t know what to say.
You are coming to my Super-Thrive workshop in Melbourne!
What an honour and a delight to have you there.
I can’t wait to meet you in person Iris sweetheart
Mel 🙏💕💛
“I’m done with you, I choose me!”
I was able to get to that with my NEX many years back – or so I thought, never dreaming the day would come that I would also need to come to this point with my daughter as well. Apparently he was either able to extend the abuse through a massive campaign of Parental Alienation, convincing her that I am “crazy” or she has become a N herself.
I was awarded primary custody when she was 4 because (amazingly) the Family Court could see what was going on. My daughter and I had a very lovely, healthy relationship- or so I thought- until she graduated from high school. She then became quite nasty to me (beyond the normal teen separation from parent stuff), went off to college, and cut off all contact with me. I recently heard that since her graduation last May, she landed a great job, but that’s all I know.
So that all put me through five years of torture… Which I am sure must have felt like the ultimate beau geste to the NEX – to ruin our close and loving mother-daughter relationship! My daughter was the most precious person to me, and he knew it and ruthlessly went after it and destroyed it.
Now that she is an adult on her own, I have had to come to terms with the probability that stonewalling me has now become her choice, as well, and come to the unenviable place of having to say “I’m done with you, I choose me!” to my own beloved child.
Thank G-d for NARP, which has helped me through these past five years of grief and loss no mother should have to pass through. I never saw it coming, but apparently he was working toward destroying me through this avenue since the day he lost in Court.And he very nearly did… Except I stumbled onto NARP, which has been my healing and liberation from a 30 year nightmare.
Hi S,
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this with your daughter as well, I can’t even begin to imagine how painful that has been.
Thank goodness that NARP has been able to offer you healing and relief in such a gutwrenching reality.
Sending you and your daughter love, breakthrough and blessings.
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am done with you, and I choose Me.
Thank you Melanie. Thank you.
The inner work, NARP programme (and I have done a lot of other inner work over the years!) has released more than I could have imagined.. It has restored me to be calmly and lovingly rest in my centre, aligned with my Self and values. It has also, startlingly, taken off my blinkers and revealed more than one ex partners and various ex managers as Narcs. All in the past. All part of my continued healing. Thank you and goodbye to them.
Thanks for your work and awareness in this field Melanie. Truly it has been a life saver.
I am breathing me back to life, and wishing health, happiness, compassion and peace to all.
Lots of love,
Rachel x
Hi Rachel,
You are so very welcome!
I’m so thrilled for you that NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has helped you so much!
Goodbye to them indeed!
That’s brilliant and so beautiful that you are back to life Rachel (better than ever).
Sending you much love and continued blessings ad thank you for your beautiful blessings to all
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi, I am Flavio from Italy.
May I ask a few questions?
I come from a n. family…who destroyed my life. I recenti found out about n. family dynamics and scapegoat.
Would you please do a video on this subject, parente and brothers can be the most evil monsters.
Another question I have, is there a certain percentage of world population who can be considered npd (+ sociopath etc.) for example 5% …I think it would be important for people to be aware of these numbers.
Also, do you think psychotherapy (beside your course) is somewhat helpful for narc victims?
Many thanks, I will subscribe to the narp program
Hi Flavio,
yes of course you can.
Flavio, have you googled my name plus family narcissists? I have done quite a lot of topics on this previously, including the scapegoat syndrome and effects.
I hope that this can help you.
I do believe that there are great deal of sick people in the world, who are narcissistic and will never do the inner work and recover, and I also believe that there are many of us who have had inner wounding and painful programming who have been abused and are highly susceptible to being abused again, who are willing to do the inner work to heal and escape those traumas and patterns.
Here in this community, my most significant focus is upon helping people reach deep inside to heal and empower themselves and emerge free of narcissistic abuse symptoms and able to powerfully move on in their life.
Flavio, I believe that everybody should be allowed to connect to and try whatever they believe is right for them.
I, personally, am not a fan of cognitive therapy. I believe, from my own experiences personal and professional, that deeper subconscious healing based systems are needed to heal for real.
That’s great that you are about to become a NARP member, because naturally I believe that is the system that is the most effective of all. And the results have certainly consistently proven that.
I hope this helps
Mel 🙏💕💛
I was married to a Narc for 20 years. The last three years of our marriage we moved 3 times in 3 years because he kept losing his job. I realized that it was destroying my children. (He had already pretty much destroyed me). My confidence was so low, that I still was trying to stay and “work it out”. I wanted to keep my family together. Finally, my teenage daughter came up to me one day and said “Mom, don’t you have any self respect”…”Dad can’t stand you”…that was the beginning of the end. I started to think about leaving him and making plans. Once that happened the Narc moved in for the kill. I didn’t realize it, but he was slowly moving money out of our joint accounts, and applying for credit cards and running up as much debt as possible. One day, he came home and said “I have filed for divorce and you cannot take the kids out of the state”. We had lived there for 6 months and hardly knew anyone. When he told me that he was going to make the kids stay there (they didn’t want to stay) that was it…I was done! Once he knew I was done, he closed all the joint bank accounts and canceled our joint credit cards. I was literally in a state where I knew no one and had no funds. It didn’t bother him a bit. I filed for divorce (with borrowed money from my 80 year old mom). I had to fight to leave the state with my children. Six months later, the Narc lost his job and moved to my hometown to an apartment one block away from me.The divorce took two years and multiple appeals by the Narc. When it was over, the Narc had no job and over $100,000 in credit card debt (which was considered marital debt). He stopped paying court ordered child support five months after our final ruling, because he is a Narc and felt like it! I discovered NARP one year after our initial separation. (beginning of 2018). With NARP, prayer, lots of reading and resting as much as possible I am doing really well. Today, I am working in a business that I love. Slowly recovering from the financial devastation. Modeling healthy behavior for my children (who all live with me …after some back and forth (that’s another story). I thank God that I found Melanie and NARP!! I have almost no contact (except when absolutely necessary), I actually have pity on the Narc, and I tell my friends that I wish he would find a girlfriend (but I wouldn’t wish him on anyone). He could be having sex with someone in front of me and it wouldn’t bother me a bit!! I swear!!! I am much happier than I ever have been… even before the Narc. My almost adult children are happy, they are learning boundaries and the lessons I am teaching them that I learned in NARP. Stick with Melanie and I promise you that you will get better and stronger over time!! Hang in there Thrivers…if I can recover you can too!!!
Hi Karen,
Wow, our children can be such a blast of honesty!
Karen, you truly have been through the wringer. That was incredibly stressful and painful what you experienced.
I am thrilled that you did the inner work with NARP and have emerged this powerful, free and happy after what you’ve been through.
So true that when you up-level, the ripple to our children is so powerful as well. Bless them!
Karen, for you to emerge from such devastation and pain is incredibly inspirational.
Thank you for your share and Thriver spirit, and much love to you and your children
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hello Melanie,
I’m struggling with what to do. I have been trying to divorce my narcissistic wife basically for 6 years, its only been filed for 4 as like you I went back. Im so frustrated! It seems she can get whatever she wants from the courts. She has now been able to delay this for over 3 years, not ready, need more time, bla bla bla. I need to talk with someone that could give me some guidance, some hope, I’m Beyond Beyond.
Joe
Hi Joe,
Joe, Dear Man, there is only one thing to do to be able to get a positive result in regard to a narcissist.
That is … do the inner healing on yourself.
Because when you do that and all the pain and frustration and torment and abuse cleans out from within you, that is when the shift happens in your outer world and she will let go and move out of your experience.
I know that this sounds woo-woo, yet this entire community is based on the fact. This is why NARP works so powerfully, once you accept the Quantum Law of so within, so without.
There is nothing else Joe that I can tell you that I believe (or have seen) that has worked. Unless you have another method where you can completely let go and go free on the inside first, because once you do that then the outside will follow.
And of course after being so abused and trapped, it is very hard to just do it logically.
If you would like to understand more about my program and processes to be able to free yourself, then please come with me into one of my free webinar is http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/free webinar to experience the power of what I’m talking about.
I hope that this helps and my total suggestion is to give it a go. The thing is Joe, if you take this path it totally works!
Mel 🙏💕💛
“I’m done with you, because I choose me!” I was SO in love with S, so sure we supposed to be great friends, and so low in self love and respect I never imagined I could say that. I was totally devastated and confused for months when she chose to discard me with the silent treatment. Foolish woman. But my pain led me to you and I discovered what she was and what had happened and why. I often found your posts and the truth of them quite triggering, but reading this post I found myself, well, bored, Who cares what makes her miserable, or not? I wish her well but she’s no longer my business – as though she ever was! I’m learning to take care of me now. Many thanks for all your assistance and wisdom Mel.
Hi Tim,
that’s great that you are getting clarity and are turning inwards to look after you.
It’s my pleasure to me and I’m so pleased that I could help
Mel 🙏💕💛
I had 35 years of abuse . I am now 65. Just divorced and regret nothing. I am looking forward to my new life. When the house is sold😊To anyone in the situation of abuse it doesn’t ever get better. I feel like my old self after years of hell. It takes time but I will not let it ruin the rest of my life. Never be afraid to get out of an abusive relationship.
Hi Karen,
I love your Thriver Spirit!
You go girl, and keep being a beautiful inspiration!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
You’re giving me hope….thank you Karen!
I’m done with you, because I chose me.
I’m nearly through my NARP journey. I’m definitely smiling and thriving along with my gorgeous husband. We’re both living happier lives. Thanks Melanie and support staff.
Awww Amanda,
How beautiful!
You are very welcome from all of us and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
here comes my statement: I am done with you because I choose me.
It feels wonderful!
Many thanks to you and the MTE-team for delivering this fantastic content. Can’t wait for the next one, it so helps in my NARP journey.
Lots of love
Bee
Hi Bee,
That’s awesome that this feels wonderful for you.
I love it that these publications are a beautiful supplement for your NARP work!
Many blessings to you Bee and much Love
Mel 🙏💕💛
Great Article MTE. Thank you. I needed this. I got sucked in by another and have escaped but not without getting emotionally involved and I am blaming the darn Peptide Addiction!!
I love you all.
Hi Teri,
I’m glad you enjoyed it and you are very welcome.
Yes, peptide addiction does take deep inner work to eradicate and live free of!
Thank you for your love to all and so much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am finally in the recovery process after texting my “EX” (who move out of state and took my beloved dogs with him as I had no place to keep them). In the text I told him he can’t have it both ways, you can’t royally screw me in the divorce and then want me to be friends. He called Christmas eve and I refused to answer the phone. I also told him to not have any contact with my family or me any more. It was rather cathartic.
Then only thing I ever wanted from him was to know that the dogs were being taken care of and he would maintain the medication needed for the one. I knew he wouldn’t let me know because that is another way of controlling. It was hard to let go of the fur babies but I had to do that in order to move forward. I am finally able to purchase a condo and can stop living with my son and his family. I still have a lot of hurt and anger I am dealing with, but I am getting better.
These 11 things are all things I didn’t recognize as narcissism until I started counselling. I always just thought he had serious issues from his childhood. Now I know that is part of the cause of his narcissism. All the counselling we went to together never helped – narcissists don’t think they have a problem. Fourteen years of marriage, left him once and he begged me to come back (typical narcissist) and I agreed to take him back.
I just couldn’t take the verbal, emotional, physical and financial abuse any more. Now I am in the healing process and moving forward in my life. Not what I thought I would be doing in my ‘golden retirement’ years. BUT, I can and will do it.
Hi Melanie, Thank you for the free emails I’m on day 10 but separated for a month now. I was with EA for 3 years. He broke it off the week my grandma passing, Valentine, our 3 yr anniversary, and my car breaking down. I feel abandoned and worthless. We had business and travel plans. I even bought a house 5 blocks away. I’m 42 now and I cannot have children. Then after an argument, he told me that I had my chance, he wants to be a father and deserves the chance to have them. I want children and want to be a mother always been my dream. IV or adoption is not an option he only wants biological. He rather have a 25 yr old fertile woman than a 40 yr old and he can have that. Then he told me he wants to feel the baby grow in his wife’s belly. This hurts the most because I lost a baby in the past and this was the deepest blow of them all. He doesn’t want to marry me and that we loved, grew, and are not compatible. Other than years verbal abuse and pushing here and there, using the word Retard, and annoying, etc..I felt like I never did anything right and I will never be enough. He told me he RESENTED me for not being able to have kids. That those words were from a place of anger and not true. Damaged is done. I hear them over and over. Haunting me.
He said he knows it’s going to be hard for an older woman like me to start over and it’s scary. The sad thing is he is a religious man! He even prides himself to look like Jesus with long hair. We go to church his family is a catholic family and they all love me. He is a wolf in sheeps clothing and nobody knows his true self. I’m struggling so hard with God’s plan. Emotionally and Spiritually. When he responds to my text messages he always says, hi honey. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have my belongings at his house because I sad and scared to face him. I cry every day for hours. I cannot stand anyone around me right now. I just want to be alone. My soul and spirit are so damaged.
Hi Christina,
it’s my pleasure.
You poor sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. This has all been so painful for you.
Christina, I really want you to know that there are women in this community who have moved on and healed and are having babies in their 40s, by all means of methods. It is not too late for you. With him there is can be nothing but pain.
What is vital honey is your healing.
I really urge you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Because it is here that you can start to find relief, and answers and true way out of this agony, into the life that you do wish to live.
Sending you strength and healing
Mel 🙏💕💛
I am well and truly done with you!
Because I CHOOSE ME😊👍🏼🥳🥳🥳
I too am going under huge narcissistic abuse as my wife is having an affair with a low gradrd person while being teacher in proffession.And I’m being a techar as well the shame and pain was immense and with the two kids it was very hard to recover from it.After reading all the guidelines I got some light to recover from it.But the abusive part is still hapenning in the cover. She is still having sexual relations in the same home where we live with the two kids in the absence of me. Afer reading your adices I could manage to reduce my pain upto reat extent.t
So thank very much .
I too am going under a huge narcissistic abuse as my wife is having an affair with a low gradrd person while being a teacher in proffession.And I’m being a teachar as well the shame and pain was immense and with the two kids it was very hard to recover from it.After reading all the guidelines you publised, I got some light to recover from it.But the abusive part is still hapenning in the cover. She is still having sexual relationships in the same home where we live with the two kids in the absence of me. After reading your advices I could manage to reduce my pain upto a great extent.
So thank very much for helping me to recover from my abusive
situation .
Give more advice on this situation
Hi Palitha,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. There is only one solution to this, you can’t stop and fix what she is doing, but you can heal and empower yourself in the face of it, And then start to make the decisions that honour you in the truth of your life.
Palitha I would love you to come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to discover more about this very involved subject.
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💛
As an adoptee, adopted at 6 weeks old, I have been easy prey for narcissists. Going through life not feeling good enough has been with me all my life.
I am healing quickly with the help of NARP. Thank you x
Healing my trauma, learning to love myself & walking away from abuse.
Hi Kate,
I am so pleased that you are accessing deep healing with NARP, and now honor you!
You are very welcome and many continued blessings to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
This list is so true.
The most freeing moment (and one that game me clarity and confirmation) was when my abuser looked me in the face and told me I was no longer interesting or fun for them because I didn’t “respond properly” to them anymore. He actually said he could “no longer trigger” me and “has to find new and fresh people” who would ” believe (his) shit” because I don’t believe in (him) anymore.”
I responded simply with, ” If that’s how you feel.”
I hardly could believe he used those words like that!
Very refreshing!
Thank you so much, Mel!!
I know I haven’t been very active in here, but I have been speaking in and applying everything you have taught me.
I love you!
Wow this support group is awesome and so helpful , thank you !
I have a question though about the no contact … if it can’t be fully implemented and the NEX continues to pursue ( stalk ) you what can you do ?
I have checked with the local authorities but it means a public court hearing which I am not keen on . He is super intelligent and charismatic and manipulative and gets whatever he wants usually so I don’t see that as a resource .
When he leaves me alone for a while I obsess constantly but also feel more clarity and then when I see him I feel so vulnerable and his private mark like being under a spell even though I Try to keep it cool and detached , I am a nervous nelly around him and totally disarmed .
It seems as if he times the absences for the ultimate effect , just when I am beginning to feel free of him he comes looking for me .
Do I have to sell my house and move to a different city / state / country etc ?
Do I have to give up all I love in order to do the no contact ?
He is incredibly intuitive and claims love for me still even though he has been with another for a year now but still seeks me out .
I have lost friends , who knows what he has said about me to them… and I have lost much credibility amongst my peers because of my ” crazy ” behavior over it all .
I feel like he has drawn me into his craziness and I have become a narc myself @ times , stalking him as well and obsessing despite my best attempts to not engage . I am working on letting go but I find myself full of revenge and anger and what not else . How to stop obsessing when I see him every few days where he inserts himself into my environment and the latest with another gal on his arm looking as groomed as I once was by him . It makes me sick but I feel so stuck not being able to let go . I so wish I could do the no contact but I would have to leave my home which I love and move to a new location away for here . What to do ? The inner work is working though slowly though I have gone back to him so many times before that I doubt he takes me seriously at all . I feel he thinks I am a joke , a play toy , and he is like a cat with a mouse ( me ) Want to be free … so perplexing !
Thanks for nay advise ou van offer … know about you course but money is tight
Hi I have so much under my belt if Narc abuse I feel like everything I’ve read in the last year I have had and some more! 17 years with my Narc husband 12 years married this June. I can’t even begin to go through my experiences as there is so much. But what I will share is that I have never given in to the emotion & mental & physical abuse. I have fought my way through it all knowing that I was never to blame. Over the years you question your own mental state because this is where they hit so often! But after drawing the line in the sand and forcing what I dreaded happening to the forefront I am gaining my life back! He refuses to leave like Linda’s story and even though he left to go to Russia for a holiday he came back and now 4 months on refuses to leave there is no verbal communication what’s so ever and he still tries to trigger me through our children. But I refuse to let that happen. I have become stubborn more stubborn than he has ego issues (yep that’s a lot of stubborn) I refuse to play any part of his game anymore. I choose me I am taking myself back and I will never ever look back! Eventually he will leave but for now I am not playing any part of his game.
‘I’ am DONE with YOU. ‘I’ CHOOSE “ME” . No “BECAUSES”. IT JUST IS.
I had a former boss that I think is a narcissist. Actually he was the husband of the boss who founded and owned the business, but you know. I’m pretty sure it was beyond just a typical a-hole boss with an authority complex. It was beyond the stereotypical nepotism too. For as long I worked there, he had sought certificates and degrees and pursued some education on various topics for years, switched gears, went for something else, all shy of completion and whatever and then suddenly it ended and somehow he gave up after passing over a realllly amazing opportunity. (his words) He carried on like it was his choice to reject it and it was just weird and felt really “off”. I loved my job more than anything, but that last year after he “joined” was too much. Oh yeah, when he wasn’t calling in sick at twice a week. I went from being a happy positive bubbly individual to seriously doubting my own intelligence and purpose on earth. He had a way of giving feedback that was the opposite of constructive criticism but said it in such an underhanded calm dare I say friendly and pleasant voice that I really begin to think I was going crazy. He became obsessed with being Mr. Authority in a place that it wasn’t necessary. I have so many instances of things that should have been red flags. He started reminding us regularly that we were all replaceable. (we were a small 4-5 people business made of long time loyal employees) Demanded even the smallest decision be ran through him and then he couldn’t even make a decision and asked us what we would do and then chose the opposite. This was just the guy I worked for, not a spouse or family.The scary part is he came across as so charming and fascinating conversationalist and put on a great 5 minute show. Eventually I saw him for the insecure, incompetent narcissist he was, and started to extract myself. He had so many weird issues. My co-workers and I had some serious suspicions about physical abuse of his wife (our actual boss) but felt limited in what we could do, and felt fearful of revenge tactics, as he was also very litigious and always bragging about how many people he’s sued and taken to court. (another flag in my book) Luckily I was able to leave after a year. But 8 yrs later, I still have emotional scars. Not something I would expect from just a boss. The only thing I miss is my workplace friendship with my actual boss. Which was another thing, He made it known we weren’t allowed to be friends outside of work.She wasn’t allowed to have any friends- he gladly explained why. Yeesh. Because what if that weekend of girl plans is the weekend HE wants to spend with her? (that kind of stuff) That was the biggest red flag of all. I knew then that there was nothing I could do until if/when she ever saw him for what he was. He had zero (he bragged about it) when they met (fresh out of a divorce) and had made a huge effort to quickly mingle all financials and co-claim what was his/hers/theirs. He also did a thorough job of isolating her from her longtime friends and what little family she had left. All these years and I still feel like I’m unearthing the magnitude of just one year with that monster as an employee. I don’t in any way think this is the same as being married to or related to one and it’s not my intention to trivialize anyone’s experience by sharing this. This is just my experience with one just as an employee. Mad Props to anyone who can untangle themselves and still thrive!
I am glad you shared your story. Narcs are all around us. They can be very charming and switch to being very abusive. He is full of himself. I am so happy for you that you got out of there. But, it is still affecting you. I think many of us are still being triggered and are suffering. Get help here. Reading these posts and listening and reading Melanie’s teachings is getting me through. I am going through a crazy and devastating divorce (Financially devastating. I am blessed to be rid of him.) for 1.5 years with no sign of the end yet.
I’m done with you, because I choose me!
I have noticed they can’t stand humour either. It’s like garlic to a vampire to them. They have zero sense of humour, they cannot laugh at themselves ever (even though they pretend at times through gritted teeth lol) and if you laugh at their antics they’ll want to get away from you, bonus!
My narcistic experience is that he has been consistantly perfect in everyones eyes for 17 yrs. He is a master at triangulation just with me, no one else has ever noticed what he does. All fingers have always pointed at me being the problem. That’s actually false. It’s been incredibly painful for so long. I was broken when I began the Narp program 12 months ago. He doesn’t know I’m doing the program but he has since broken one of my ribs in reponse to me asserting myself now. Am I the only one who knows he’s dangerous? Why is it taking me so long to leave him?
Im done with you, cause I choose me! No becauses. IT just is.
I am DONE with YOU, because I choose ME…
and so it is. And [this time] will be forever more.
Dearest Melanie…
Ive drifted in and out of recovery…watching, reading and digesting your incredibly positive information and plans. It’s been 9 years since I met my narc. He’s now 58…im 61..and has lived with his mother all but 3 years of his life. There’s been rage, violence and I’ve walked thru the discarding countless times thru the years. The lastb2byears there was a restraining order as I finally called the cops..but they dropped his case. He didn’t know the RO was dropped when the case was dropped but found out a month ago and contacted me. I allowed him to come see me. He said he sat for 2 years worrying about me and was seriously depressed. But now hes better! He cried uncontrollably and apologised profusely. I bought it…again. And again came all the promises that he never made good. I was right back where I was before. I never had panic attacks before this CRAP. I had some abandonment issues from being adopted as a baby and discarded at 12 by my step parents but I’m over the top when triggered now. I became a verbal abuser before the 2 year break, but found I wasn’t going there this time. He ignores. I plead and reason. I need help. Today is the first day I’ve not had any desire to text him. Yay!
I read the 11 things narcs hate and although I’ve read SO MUCH about narcs….THIS STUNNED ME. I feel so sorry for him! Not one article I read before actually explained what they feel behind the mask. It’s incredibly heart breaking to me. His NICE is beyond NICE. But has ALWAYS refused to negotiate any issues. Theres never been any successful talk resulting in any solutions. Which is what I kept pushing for. I gave up yesterday…asked myself can I live with these behaviors. Hell to the NO. Thank you for having this free 16 day course. I’m pretty broke as I’m in between jobs. I start work again in about 14 days. Perfect timing. I’m signing up immediately.
You ROCK…Big love to ya Melanie…and of course PEACE. hug..hug.
Dear Melanie
Your blogs and videos etc have been a huge help to me. However, I am totally torn because I am unable to go completely no contact as I work with my ex (although mainly remotely) and he is even my senior manager in my department and uses this to undermine me in subtle ways. I also need to seek financial support from him now that I am living independently (this is why I cannot afford your program) so I cannot afford to leave my job to get away from him and his evil ways. If I could, I would leave my job and forego the request for financial support just to have the clean break I desperately need. Even emails from him are a huge trigger. Like the life I had with him, it all feels like a lose / lose situation.
I’m done with you, because I choose me!
It’s really only the last couple of years, that I figured out what the hell happened to me with Jenny. Initially we were great, hopelessly in Love, and as students little money, but that was irrelevant. I was so involved that little things passed me bye, which many years later should have been the big flashing red sign. There were no invitations to visit her when she went home to her parents place in the country, she would drop snide remarks about friends of mine (who of course were doing better than her) and she said one day when I thought we’d discuss post Uni working, that ” I’m never going to work”, which beggars the question of who will need to work to pay the Bills. Well of course, that a man’s job. Heavy on her appearance, with Dad paying her expenses while at Uni. After working her way through various men ( i at that stage was working away) she then when caught out says “You were never meant to know) runs away with the new bloke, only months later to contact me when things are not so rosy, has sex with me (while the new mate is at the snow) and that was it. 5 months later when I graduated no message or congratulations, nothing. She failed her Uni subjects and got booted out of both her faculties at Uni Though years later, if I contacted her she would fly into a distorted rage at me. There was no reason for it. She married some poor fool 12 years her senior who wouldn’t have a clue what he was getting into.
Wow! how fortuitous this very morning I found this. Married for 25 years to a text book narcissist who still refuses to let me go. Lockdown and flies half way across the world on last flight as wants to be in this ‘compartment’ and look good to the world – comes to his ‘family’. However, forgets to say he’s at least two other women on the go where he lives. Lies to me lies to his children and just arrives back and seems to think he can take over whilst we’re in the middle of a divorce. Boundaries are ignored when i say he’s not coming back just pitches up. He virtually destroyed me; i was confident, an ex model, intelligent and was sent to hell by his games and lies and gas lighting over 25 years. Now, i sit typing in kitchen having had another day of his lies yesterday and feel good. Not out of the woods yet as divorce and settlement still has to be ratified by judge BUT so many fab tips on here and realised one of them is shame – oh how they hate to be exposed. So, thank you for this. Perfect timing for another day in lock down with such a character. How sad and lonely they must truly be. I have the greatest pity as nothing is real or permanent in their lives. A merry go round…..
Hi Jo,
you’re very welcome and I’m so pleased that this was timely for you.
Sending you blessings, healing and breakthrough
Mel 🙏💕💚
The Creepazoid, in my life, hired someone to put me six feet under & another with 6 police records to 302ed me to discredit me & is leading our daughter down the path to crime. I wrote my daughter an email & the creepazoid, as well. I’m going for a divorce as soon as possible. He & three other narcissist caused a minor heart attack & I’m done with them all & their hurting me. Right now, a few are being reported. Mess with me, YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE!!!!!
I am done with you, because I choose me!
I am done with you, because I choose me.
Thank you Melanie. Yes. Today and everyday I choose me.
i’m done with you, because I chose me! and now i’m livin the life I always wanted a life free of chaos, drama, conflict and the list goes on thank my heavenly father(GOD)who never left my side although I was going through it…this life I now live I live for me genuinely as of today I’ve taken back my power and the narc to me now is just a puff in thee air gone with the wind never to be seen again this was the most creepy part of my life that I can say the experience was breath taking and NO I WOULD’NT WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT EVER AGAIN! after all the craziness I can say i’m no longer afraid ,fearful or bitter for that matter this( battleship) I won’t say relationship after everything I’ve learn about this disorder gave me courage to move on because I know what it takes to keep it moving i’m not a victim I have the victory and it is mine and my GOD gave it to me because GOD FAVORED ME!)
I was abused by a narcissist for 40 years and finally got away from him. I went to counseling for 7 years to heal and make sure I never would get pulled in by one of them again. I finally found “the love of my life”. He treated me like precious gold for 3 months and then he started gas lighting me. I was so sucked in by that time that I didn’t even see it. He was the ultimate master of deception and took me down in about two months. I cannot believe I fell right into it again. Don’t know if I will ever trust again. He was a master at drawing me in! He seemed like he had the highest integrity, and was the ultimate love bomber. How could I do this after working so hard for, so many years, To be able to recognize it. When I look back it was so clear!
I have been married for 37 years..knew him sinds I was 16. The worst thing for me was the punichment, over and over again…now i am divorced …and sometimes, I have so much fear because I diden’t learn how to live….en now there is nowone to teach me…
Esli
I am done with you, all 8 of you, because I wholeheartedly choose me!
I’ve been married 25 years and I’m looking for an exit , it’s been horrible for a very long time. He’s extremely abusive, has a drug and alcohol problem and yet refuses to get help. I stood because of our kids but now they are grown and out, no reason to stay. I’m done and no longer love this man. He has been a fake from the very beginning, a liar and cheat. I want him out of my life for good.
Hi Ginger,
its great that you are ready to break free and claim your True Life.
I’d love to suggest NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp – it is the most powerful and successful way I know of to empower yourself to leave and generate your great life.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💕💚
Love is REALLY Blind here. I need some serious help! I have been trying so hard to get on with my life. He has called “friends” that we have known for 20 yrs, trashing me. And of course, accused me of doing this. I never let any of our “friends” even know I was leaving him, thank GOD. Since, they have been telling him whatever I have said to them in the past.See it for what it is but 2 of these people still are telling him whatever they hear about me. These same people threatened to end their relationship w/me if I “drug” them into the divorce & were friends that I talked with, held, cried with and comforted when their spouses died. It was sooooo painful to realize that during this divorce,they have INJECTED THEMSELVES into it, maintaining their friendship with him and not even calling to see if I’m still alive!! I dropped them all! I try to find sollice in the fact that they’re going to rue the day when they FINALLY figure out that they are being used TO HURT ME.If they do ever come around to appologize later, I will NEVER trust them again or call them friends. It’s so true, get very ill or divorce, you will see who REALLY loves you. What a horrible way to find out the TRUTH!! I forgive but Never forget.
Number 11 love it … Happy Dance 💃 ❤️❤️❤️
My son- in- law is a destructive narcissist. I am an LPC but have considerable trouble knowing how to handle him and our daughter (she drank the koolaid.) Previously, they kept us from our grandchildren for 6 months. Recently, there was a huge blowup in our home. He didn’t like me adding one sentence of information about the topic of West Texas high school sports. He said I’m always correcting him.
He is an assistant high school principal in a rural town. Ultimately, my son told him not to talk to me as he was and my husband set the boundary not to talk to us in such a manner, after asking what we said wrong.
If he weren’t in control of my grandchildren, we could pretty well handle the situation. I’ve read and counseled others in relationships with narcissist but they were leaving the narc. However, we cannot cut off the relationship.
How can we navigate a relationship? Most of the time we let him monolog. Sometimes we slip and engage in the conversation. Oh yes, on the day of the previous mentioned incident, he did get violent with my son who didn’t shut his own mouth. I’ve never experienced anything like this.
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Tonya,
this is such a deep discussion and narcissistic abuse is such an energetic, emotional phenomeonon the way I can explain this to you is in my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💕💚
Why are narcissists into mushy dead loins and expect everyone else to become sad, drunks, dirty and take vows of celibacy and live with bloated mushy jazz loins? 😷
Bring it All on I say 🙌🏻
Hi, I follow for a while. My dad is an narc and I got no contact last year. My sweet mother is his flying monkey and my 2 emotional unhealthy sisters as well. I got no contact with all my family. I am the black sheep now. But to protect myself and my own children I chose this way of living.
So my question is… I still hope to get in contact with my sweet mother again. I couldn’t save her. There’s the pain. What should I do with this hope?
Batsjeli.
I was messaging a girl from work for 16 months on and off, I had no idea she was a narcissist, her other half is 51 and she was 24 at the time, I fell for her lies, I am 46 now and should have known better but I was love bombed, abandonment that had my anxiety through the roof, discarded then hoovered again then finally we started to see each other briefly for 5 weeks. I was told by her she loved me, not long after I could see the need for me decreasing as she lined her next older gentleman. I think they are seeing each other and I work with them both. It has been very difficult to the point I wanted to kill myself, genuinely kill myself but I have stayed strong and the more I learn the stronger I have become, I now ignore her completely and I just say to myself I’ve had a lucky escape. The knowledge gained through these blogs and other victims stories has been fantastic for my recovery. I now see her for what she is and I believe she knows that I know.
I’m done with you! I choose me!
Beautiful Angelene!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
This is beautiful.
I am living this reality right now. I even moved back to a more realistic place after I had moved out to run away from the vicinity of the narc. I love this new me because I am literally feeling untriggered and even wake up feeling happy and fulfilled!
I am so happy for you Lynn,
Mel 🙏💞🦋
“I’m done with you, because I choose me!” 🙂
I AM DONE WITH YOU, BECAUSE I CHOOSE ME!!!!!! YES!!!!! 💕🙏🏾
“HEY!
(sister, slanderous bully;
ex and co-parent, vicious thief;
mother, can’t-do-no-wrong;
brother, unbelievable liar;
so-called-friend, back-stabber;
sister, flying monkey;
investment partner, embezzler…)
I’m done with you, ALL OF YOU, because I choose me!”
Such a Beautiful article Mel as can be seen from ALL thee comments 🙂
Love
Kondwani
Thank you Kondwani
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
My Narasasist, on the other hand, had me marked for high-tech spying. My life has been turned upside down. Have proof, but it won’t help.
Melanie after reading this article I see that my abuser has become powerless and id weak and shallow. I can feel and see my growth after listening to your videos. Thank God For using you to open my eyes. peggy b
This is the best article I ever read!! I signed up for tomorrow morning’s session at 9am but how do I access it. I’m not that good at this. As far as narc devastating you for life, the unthinkable happened. I have a 40 year saga. I married a narc/psycho in 1980. Active involvement was 10 yrs though I divorced him after 5. I was no contact 30 years until his death 1/1/20. Not until then did I truly begin healing. For two years now, I have been truly, deeply, soulfully, gladly healing FOR REAL. It took 40 YEARS. This is the absolute truth. I lived with mental, emotional, devastation for 40 yrs. Forty years ago, you ou never even heard the word narcissist. He was truly a psychopath though. He was a convicted criminal. I met him when he was released from prison. His family lived across the street. Nice family. When I met him, I instantly gave him all the credit of his family. I completely ignored what he was about. He had screwed his family.. I found out 25 yrs later that when I started out with him, he had robbed another store. He just did 7 yrs of a 20 yr sentence. Anyway, 40 yrs of my life, I spent in self-help groups, seeing mental health professionals, developed fibromyalgia, raised my son with family and friends, heard periodic info about him; 5 children with 4 women. On and on and on and on. I said on new yrs eve, 2019 to thrrspist, I don’t think I will be ok until he no longer walks the face of the earth!! The next day, I got news he died on 1/1/20!!!!!! I felt relief beyond words. He was GONE. My healing began in earnest!!!!!!
This is a great article as I have done ALOT of research to make sure I wasn’t the “crazy” one like he always told me. I was married for 24 years. All the above is true. It was the longest divorce to my mind in my county. 4+ years. The one part in the article is true. They will do anything to make you look insane. Dismantle your reputation. These people can be dangerous as mine showed that. My girls do not speak to him or want anything to do with him now. It’s their choice. He has shown his true colors. The wires in their brain are broken. They can’t stand to be ignored, wrong or to see you happy. Mine tried to tell me I should not run anymore Bc my legs are looking to “ veiny”? Eat my dust! Go be you!
I am 7 years away from the narcisist now and grateful for the NARP programme which helped me to heal. I am returning to the programme as more things have surfaced to be healed.
One question:
In returning to the programme, I am doubting myself and am wondering if I am a narcisist with my own childhood traumas and wounds. I haven’t asked myself this question previously. Have others found themselves asking this question? When I read the 11 things a narcisist doesn’t like, I fitted so many of them in response to what has happened,
I know I need to go within and continue with the self partnering to heal
Does this sound like a narcissist to you?
This is the short version – I could literally write several hundred pages, but you get the point.
Hi, my name is Chris and I’ve been dating someone we’ll call Mindy for nearly 3 years now. At first, she started off being the sweetest most down to earth woman I’ve ever met. Very easy going. We just instantly clicked and had a lot in common. We just had this amazing connection. We would think the same things at the same time, finish each others sentences etc. Absolutely on the same page with everything. It was absolute bliss. The one I had been waiting for. I could honestly see a future with this woman. She was the best thing that ever happened to me…. Or so I thought. We fell in love, made plans for the future as couples do… taking things slowly to see how the relationship progressed. 5 months later things were still going great and so I would stay a weekend at her place, she would spend a weekend at mine. Our leases were ending on the apartments that we had. We talked about taking the next step. Moving in together to see how that went. We found a very nice brand-new apartment. Never lived in. Elevator, granite countertops, stainless steel appliances. It was very nice. We decided to sign the lease. I spent about 10k on new furniture to deck the place out. She had 3 kids, and the cell phone bill was enormous, so I told her that we could get new phones and a family plan for much less. So, everyone got new phones, etc. I did everything that a responsible father figure / husband would do. I went without for the greater good of the household. She knew that I went above and beyond and loved me all the more for it. I never wanted or expected anything in return. Everything is humming along. One night she tells me out of the blue “I have a better life waiting for me in another city. Say the word and I’m gone”. She went on and on. I was shocked to say the least. We had a very good life together. Where did THAT come from? The next morning, I confronted her about it. Maybe it was the Sangria talking, I don’t know. She apologized but it seemed like a forced apology. Time went on and month number 8 she starts to become verbally abusive. It was her youngest son’s high school dance and he wanted to wear a bow tie. She asked me what I thought. I told her he looks amazing, but I think a regular straight tie might work better. She immediately flew into a rage and started screaming at me. We dropped him off at the dance and went back to our apartment. She began to verbally tear me apart for the next 3 hours because of the innocent comment that I made. She became extremely verbally abusive. She called me every name in the book and then some. Some of the things she told me that night:
1. You’re not a man!
2. You’re uptight white trash (I’m not white trash, white collar, Tech sector, making close to 6 figures, drives a Mercedes and tries to be a decent human being everyday)
3. I’ve been known to throw sh*t out the window and down the stairs!
4. You’re nothing!
5. I’m going to make life difficult for you
6. The last time I checked I’ve lived all over the world. I’m not some country bumpkin who’s never left Florida. I have bigger horizons than you!! (I’m not a country bumpkin – she was an Army wife with her ex – she was a housewife on 3 separate continents and wasn’t enlisted)
7. You turned into a f*cking schmuck!
8. This town is sh*t. (We lived in Lakewood Ranch, FL. One of nicer places in Florida – 15 miles from the Gulf Coast beaches)
9. I told you I loved the beaches, but I NEVER loved the beaches!!!
10. You’re holding onto a life that doesn’t want you anymore.
11. You’re just a bitchy male nitpicking at everything and picking on a 16 year old boy!
12. I’ll take your head off. – I’m the WRONG person in that department!
13. You F*cked around with my kid and now you’re going to PAY.
14. I’m a B*tch, a FORCE to be reckoned with. YOU are NOTHING special.
15. You’re inadequate.
16. You have no backbone!
17. I’m going to start dating again – effective immediately!!
18. I’m a b*tch and not like your other SUBMISSIVE TRAMPS (referring to prior girlfriends)
19. You owe my son an apology!
20. Other men would KILL to spend the night with ME!!
21. Once I become an RN I’m going to look for contracts overseas and if you’re there great and if you’re not great!
22. I’m going to smash your head into a wall.
23. You’re not wanted here.
24. I’m going to punch you in your face.
25. Every one of my ex’s is BETTER than you!
26. You’re a loser!
27. You’re nothing!
28. NO ONE will cry over your grave!!
29. You’re sad, pitiful and alone!!!
30. The next time you open your mouth about one of my kids I WILL RAM YOUR TEETH DOWN YOUR THROAT!!! AND REMEMBER, I’M THE CRAZY B*TCH THAT WOULD DO EXACTLY THAT!!! YOU THINK I’M BLUFFING???? LET’S GO AND SEE JUST HOW BRAVE YOU ARE!!!!!
31. You can’t do anything more in life. This is where you feel important.
32. I don’t see how you do it. I’d shoot myself if I were you.
33. My ex actually has something going for him – he has a HOUSE. (I’m saving for a house)
34. I don’t want some hermit like you. (I was never a hermit – I just couldn’t ever get her out of the apartment. She would rather sit around lost in her phone than get outside and explore with me)
35. Good luck with the cat. You should start calling animal control.
36. One thing that I can play to a T is a damsel in distress!
37. I EAT people like YOU ALIVE!!
38. Move your stuff or I’ll cut it in half with scissors.
39. You’re going to die alone!!
40. I could call up 3-4 guys right now and they would be VERY happy to spend the night WITH ME!!!
Anything that she could say to hurt me she was right there saying it. NOTHING was off limits. I made it a point to never engage her in these absurd arguments. I would only try to ignore that it’s happening… hoping that she would wind down and stop. Trying to not add fuel to the fire. I could’ve said many unkind things. But I didn’t. The next morning, she would wake up like nothing had happened.
For the sake of keeping this short, you can imagine all of the other nasty things she’s said to me in the year and a half since this.
This type of behavior repeated every 3-4 days. Sometimes we would actually go a whole week / 10 days without fighting. We never went more than 3 weeks without a big blow out argument of some type. I saw it as absolutely abnormal and started writing down every time we had an argument. Just as a sanity check. I lost count as 120 in a years’ time. She has this Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder. When things are going great it’s just amazing… stratospheric, but when things aren’t it’s the absolute lowest of the low. It’s an undefined level of Dante’s hell. I confronted her and told her that I am miserable living like this. Walking on eggshells…I deserve better treatment than this and if she doesn’t seek counseling for her anger and her behavioral issues we are done. She laughed at me. She absolutely refuses. She says that therapy is BS and she doesn’t believe in it at all. I told her that unfortunately is the only path forward for us. Or we can go our separate ways. But when that happens, she will continue to have this problem with other men. No one is going to tolerate these antics and verbal abuse and she will end up alone. I didn’t want to see that ending for her, so I pleaded with her to just get help. Even if we are not together, I don’t want to see her alone and miserable. Her response. She told me to go f*ck myself for the next several hours and further tore me apart. So, I’ve given up trying to get through to her.
In addition, her three kids that were living with us – two decided to run away from home due to the constant verbal and mental abuse and the son she is “rehoming” to Colorado to live with his dad because she’s “sick” of him. The family cat – she decided she hates cats now after 3 years and so she was going to take him to a shelter / pound to get rid of him. I told her no way, I’ll take him. She was always mean to him anyways and the poor thing deserves better. She proudly proclaims that she is getting rid of everyone to live her best life and finally be happy and free. We are currently separated. The cat has never been happier. The kids from hell aren’t chasing him and Mindy isn’t smacking him on a daily basis for being a cat.
Looking back, I feel like she is a covert narcissist with BPD (the youngest daughter was diagnosed with BPD and a host of other issues). Mindy always blamed the kids craziness and behavioral issues on the ex-husband. Actually, that was a lie. They get it from Mindy. In getting to know her mother over the years I can absolutely guarantee that Mindy’s mother is a narcissist. Mindy’s sister is also a narcissist. It’s plain to see once you know what to look for. Like the nose on your face. So, I can only imagine Mindy is too on some level and that’s ultimately what I’m dealing with here with this Jekyll and Hyde routine. It’s a shame that I’ve had to become a quasi-expert on narcissism / mental disorders to understand what the hell was happening to me. Never in a million years did I see this outcome coming. That’s how good of an actress she was. Academy Award material. She absolutely missed her calling. The kids were on their best behavior for the first year or so before showing their true colors. Multiple baker acts, etc. The youngest daughter has been baker acted 19 times in two years, etc. Mental issues run in that family.
After all of this I’ve finally decided to walk away. I think my heart is finally broken. I’m an empath (and honestly that feels like a handicap during times like these). I’m probably one of the easiest going guys that I know. But I’m also no one’s doormat. So honestly, with the Jekyll and Hyde personalities it’s taken a LOT for me to get to this point. But when I’m done. I’m done. That and the kids from hell who Mindy enables. Two times she builds you up and the third time she completely destroys you. I’m tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And when it drops it drops hard. You get to a point that you cant even enjoy the good times because you know the bottom is about to fall out since things are going so well. Initially it was super confusing to process. Now I understand it a bit better. I feel like I am doing the right thing. It’s the only thing left to do. I guess I’m just looking for validation / affirmation here. Has anyone ever been through anything like this before? What would you guys do in my situation?
Hi Chris,
what you are describing is stock standard.
So devestating – but so common … horrible!
Yes, we validate you all the way – you made the right decison, your only option is to leave and heal. This happens to many many empaths!
The full validation, closure, releif and rebuild comes in our community with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp We would love to have you as one of our wonderful men members in our incredible communtiy.
Im so glad you reached out and we would be honoured to help support you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Several years back, I finally got out of a 25 yr marriage with what felt like the king of narcissists. Now a couple years into a new job, I’ve run I to another. I feel like I’ve got PTSD.! This article is spot on to everything that is happening, and I’ve forwarded it to my boss, who thinks she can just have a chat with him and it’ll be fine…..it won’t. I am struggling to not let my feelings of isolation and sadness show. Thank you for this clear and well written article!