When a narcissist is activated it feels like all they want to do is drive you nuts.
They trigger you.
They target you.
They hook you.
They refuse to accept your boundaries.
And, they steal your energy for supply.
If you just try to ignore the narcissist – meaning you try to hide out and stay out of their firing line, you will only get more of the same.
This is not the solution, you need to take very definitive steps to successfully ignore a narcissist that is driving you crazy.
In my latest Thriver TV episode I’ll take you through those steps and give you real life examples of how this can be done with someone you can’t go No Contact with, such as a family member or an ex that you’re parallel parenting with, or a neighbor, or somebody that you work with.
Your sanity is worth it so please join me in today’s video and find out how to stop the narcissist’s crazy-making and disordered antics.
Video Transcript
Today let’s talk about how to ignore a narcissist that is driving you crazy. And for the purpose of this episode let’s imagine that this is a narcissist who you can’t go No Contact with. Maybe a family member or a narcissist that you’re parallel parenting with, or a neighbor, or maybe it’s somebody that you work with.
It’s important to know how to handle a narcissist that you can’t go No Contact with because the narcissist’s antics are disordered. He or she doesn’t think and operate like a normal person. They love to drag everybody else down their deep pit of disorder with them till they get narcissistic supply. It’s how they get attention and an energy feed from people.
Narcissists are experts at making you go nuts and they love doing that. So let’s dive into how to ignore it and not let it affect you.
Take The Power Away From The Narcissist
Let’s have a look at taking the power away from the narcissist because this is so important. What I want you to do with this information – I want you to flip this thing on its head. Meaning that you take all power away from a narcissist who is trying to trigger you and drive you crazy.
The way to flip this on its head is to make this all about you rather than them. This isn’t about blaming you or anything like that, it’s about taking your power back. There’s a really great reason for why you need to do this, because trying to talk sense to the narcissist is a lost cause. He or she is not going to agree with your version of conversation and events and fall into line with you.
No amount of sensible talk, reconciliation or you getting angry and cracking it with the narcissist is going to make one scrap of difference.
There’s only one way to handle a narcissist that is driving you crazy and I’m about to explain it soon, as well as give you very easy to understand examples regarding how to do this.
You’re going to be setting it up so that you can ignore the narcissist and not take on the rubbish. But let me get very, very, very clear about this so that you understand it, because you have to understand this piece, narcissists are in our life for us to reach spiritual evolution and personal empowerment. It’s for you to graduate yourself in your wisdom, your power, your truth and your authenticity.
If you just try to ignore a narcissist, meaning just try to hide out, and you don’t face this evolution, this call, this opportunity – if you just try to stay out of the firing line, then there is no growth in that for you.
In fact you haven’t stood up to the plate. You haven’t created the empowered graduation that your Soul is urging you to do via this person who is a total pain in the butt.
What that would mean, if you don’t take this opportunity, is people like this are going to keep showing up in your life and they’re not going to stop targeting you and triggering you and driving you crazy. Is this any way to live? No.
I promise you that you can do so much better than that, and I’m going to explain to you how. And yes, you are going to get to the full privilege of being able to ignore this person, but it needs to be done on your terms, when you’re in your power and untriggered and not just trying to hide and avoid the crap and not wanting the confrontation.
Setting An Empowered Boundary
What I’m talking to you about is setting an empowered boundary. Let’s look at this, I’m going to explain this to you in easy steps and then we’re going to pull it apart.
Step 1:
So the first step is you don’t respond to anything that the narcissist says or does that’s crappy, and they do that a lot. You don’t tell them what they’re doing is wrong. You don’t try to refute their behavior and you don’t try to lecture, prescribe, argue, amend or inform.
Why not? You would think you would do that. Why not is because all of these things are a complete and utter waste of time. All the narcissist will do is pick up any and all of that information, twist it and turn it and throw it back in your face and create more insanity out of it.
So much so that you’re going to feel like your head is spinning. You’re losing a grip on reality, and you’re only going to get more triggered, incensed and so much more deranged in the process.
So get this piece – don’t respond and hook back into anything that they’ve said or done that is rubbish.
Step 2:
Step two, which is – just state your truth about this. You’ve worked out what you will and won’t accept because you know what your truth and your values are on this topic. You say this in as little as possible words – less is so much better. As I said, I’m going to give you the real life examples about this. So hang in there.
Step 3:
Now, step three. If you don’t receive decent behavior that falls into line with what you will accept, then you completely ignore everything else. You’ve laid down the rules that you live your life by regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.
You set the boundaries that the narcissist probably will not respect at all. However none of that matters. They don’t get your energy, you leave the room, the home, you hang up on them, you take yourself away, you leave their life – if you have to.
There are your three steps.
Real Life Examples
Now, let me give you some real life examples about those three steps.
A dear friend of mine had a shocking narcissistic father. He was a train wreck and he was in a nursing home and his behavior was atrocious.
She did a lot of healing work with NARP, my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. She wanted to remain in contact with him without being driven crazy by him. So after doing the inner work, she spoke to him over the phone laying down calmly and clearly what she would accept in his presence and what she wouldn’t accept.
No longer would she tolerate his name calling, demeaning putdowns or him asking her for money to support his online gambling addictions. She told him that if he started to do any of those things she would hang up the phone or leave if she was visiting him.
So when she said what her line in the sand was, he came back with ridiculous comments and let’s face it, it was never as if he could just hear her and say, “Yes darling daughter, I will abide by that.” Of course he wasn’t going to say that.
So, she just simply said, “Okay dad, I told you what’s going to happen. Take care, goodbye.” And she hung up the phone call.
From that point forward, after three hang up phone calls because he stepped over the boundary and two times where she visited and of course he did it again and she just simply and easily walked out on him, he pulled his head in, he stopped doing these things and she was able to have this kind of modified relationship with him. He stopped the terrible behavior.
Her relationship with him was never going to be one of a truly connected, loving father and daughter because he doesn’t have the resources. But she was able to see him while she was in her power, without him treating her like rubbish.
Not because of what he was or wasn’t doing, that was unimportant. It was because of what she was choosing as a result of being fully committed to taking the stand for looking after herself.
Then there was another wonderful Thriver called Don. He was co-parenting his child with a woman who was extremely narcissistic. She actually (because of parenting agreements they’d had assessments done), was diagnosed with four personality disorders and one of them was narcissism.
She was a nightmare and she’d been trying everything and anything to destroy Don in court and label him and get authorities to turn against him. Donald lost so much money, energy, sanity – and he previously felt suicidal because he’d been through so much trying to hang in there for the good of their son and had been five years in battle with continual court cases.
Don started healing with NARP and just backtracking a bit, even with those diagnosis she was still allowed to have 50% custody, which is crazy. Unbelievable.
Anyway, Don started healing with NARP and he got very clear about what parallel parenting meant as opposed to co-parenting because you can’t co-parent with narcissists, they don’t cooperate.
So he started parallel parenting. He set up a third party communication portal with her, which is Our Family Wizard, and he started communicating in very short, brief ways. Such as: this is what I will agree to and this is what I won’t agree to. And he ignored any other communication that didn’t fall into this is what I will agree with.
As a result of taking his power back and no longer feeding her narcissistic supply, she lost the plot. She made very aggressive and disgusting comments on Our Family Wizard, which can’t be deleted and were admissible in court. Don gained ground, he started getting things in place, she was held to account. The court case has stopped.
Most importantly he got back his sanity, life force and power. And the money pit ended where he was just losing his life, his money, his resources and his sanity and things started to fall into place for him and his son.
Narcissists Know Where To Hit You
I know that these three steps that I outlined previously may seem really simple, but in reality they’re not. The reason they’re not just simple to activate and do is because of the emotional content that we feel inside of ourselves when triggered by a narcissist.
Narcissists know where to hit you inside to get you rushing with cortisol and adrenaline, become derailed, lose your strategy and power and hand the bullets to them so that they can shoot you with them.
And this is why the inner piece, healing yourself to Inner Peace is not just important it’s downright vital. Because, when you’re hijacked by your triggered traumas that the narcissist knows how to hit, of course, all of your sensibility goes out the window.
Of course you can’t just hold the line of strong, calm, clean, anchored, empowerment in your body.
Here is the thing that’s really quite creepy about narcissists. Even if you try to fake these things, meaning you pretend to be calm in their presence and communication with them, but inside you’re still feeling triggered, they still parasitically get an energetic feed off you that keeps empowering them to keep attacking you and keep driving you crazy.
You need to get this, narcissistic abuse is a spiritual war. It’s about your spirit, your Soul and your psyche. It’s a battle between good and evil literally. And if the word evil is too strong for you, then look at it as light and dark.
It’s the inner essence of you, your authentic goodness, solidness and power that is going to win the day. That’s got to start from within.
The Inner Piece
So let’s have a look at that inner piece, which is Inner Peace.
Please be very clear, my girlfriend would not have been able to be so cut and dry with her father without the inner work.
Originally, before she turned inwards to do the work on herself, she’d felt shattered by his behavior, neglect, selfishness and the lack of interest in her and her life.
She also had been suffering incredible guilt about laying boundaries with him and the fear that maybe he would not love her if she treated him like that. She was also terrified about what the other family members would have thought as a result of laying such an absolute boundary with him.
She had to do a lot of inner work on herself to shift out all of these traumas and reprogram them so that she could align with her light and truth and walk it calmly and clearly in her body.
When she did, everything fell into place for her as a result of that and other family members actually respected what she was doing.
Then when we look at Don – Don would not have been able to detach and handle things so calmly in the past, he was highly triggered by her. He was fully engaged and emerged in the battle and he couldn’t stop himself doing it. It was so awful what was going on with his son.
He had to face those parts of himself, release and reprogram them to a completely different place on the inside where he was able to win against her. He got to that place with NARP.
This is the bottom line. We think we’re needing to win against them but what we really need to do is win ourselves over. We need to win ourselves back from being hooked in and reacting to them – back to ourselves and back to source. By healing up to completion those parts of ourselves which were previously triggered handing power away because when we change everything changes.
In Conclusion
Please know this. When you heal the parts of yourself that were not previously able to be strong, clear and lay boundaries, you will ignore the narcissist meaning any of their crap and rubbish. It just won’t be your reality anymore because there’s nothing inside you that’s getting triggered to participate. It’s gone.
Rather, you’re just energetically and emotionally aligned with your truth and values and everything else is irrelevant. That’s true power. You don’t try to work with a narcissist. You don’t try to change them or fix them. You’re just powerfully aligned in your truth.
That’s the power of truly being able to ignore a narcissist. That’s true evolution. It’s so much more rather than just hiding away, trying to avoid it and still being triggered and still obsessing about them and having not taken your graduation into your power and truth. I hope that’s really clear and you understand the difference.
Look at how this improves every area of your life. This is not just about you and the narcissist, this is about your entire life.
To get your power back better than you’ve ever had it just as myself, my friend, Don and thousands of others have been able to do in spectacular ways, much quicker than you would think. I’d love you to check out NARP.
Humbly, it’s the only healing system I know that durably and powerfully gets you to this place from the inside out. So have a look at the link that appears on the screen or check it out in the show notes.
Also I’d like to remind you to like and subscribe to this channel because then you can get notified about all my new videos, all my lives, question and answer sessions with me and so much more.
I’m so looking forward to your comments and your questions. I hope that this has really hit home for you and really made you understand this calling for you to stand up.
Melanie is one of the best, seriously. Please listen, process, adapt, interpret, get confused, listen again actively, understand, question, self examine. As she says, DO THE WORK, it is work, and it’s hard. Like life. I’m sorry for being blunt, but you have to.
Dear Melanie,
Thank you for this video and the blog. Once again your “storytelling” resonated with me as it always does! I keep seeing that my story has some similarities to all the different stories that you tell us and here is part of that story. Up until more recently the narcissists antics and insidious behavior that she was engaging in and spewing sometimes viciously towards me was certainly driving me crazy and it hurt so much….It was so difficult to experience day after day after day this horrible stuff coming from her. Little by little I learned to disengage and ignore, for my own health reasons, emotionally and physically and that started to help me through each day. However, the struggles continued and then miraculously I found your teachings and things are getting better since I’ve been practicing the NARP basic guidelines for healing from narcissistic abuse…. At least I don’t have all that crazy making stuff going on so much inside of me and more and more I don’t visit “wrong town” when there is a trigger that could easily send me there. Truly, it’s been a blessing! 🙏 Remembering every every so often how awful it was to be living in that crazy way I try to use that as a motivating force to heal when I remember the horrible things that I was going through. It serves as a reminder to do the inner work because I think I have finally learned there is no other way! I know that NARP and persistent inner work so clearly defined in NARP has helped me so much…. Well, anyway, that’s part of the story and I feel pretty proud to be able to share that with you and others. And I think that’s OK because I’m not bragging or boasting! I know that I have a long ways to go! 🙏 Thank you so much for everything that you are doing and continue to do. Thank you so very much for NARP. Lots of love to you, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️
Hi Peter,
it’s my pleasure!
Absolutely detaching and the inner work is sooooo key … because the triggers are torturous without doing that!
You are doing great Peter – and it’s not bragging at all!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you Melanie! That meant a lot to me! You are always so kind and I so appreciate that! Lots of love to you! ❤️🦋❤️
Melanie,
I tried to set boundaries with my narcissistic ex and laid out this is what I will and won’t agree to. She claimed to a judge that I refused to co-parent and now we’ve been assigned to a parenting coordinator because of my “unwillingness to co-parent and negotiate with her.” Feeding the narcissist didn’t work, but starving the narcissist got me in trouble with the judge. How do you suggest effectively setting up boundaries that don’t get me accused of being an unwilling participant in co-parenting issues?
Thanks,
Nate
Hi Nate,
I’m interested to know if you are working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
N-abuse is for the greatest part a spiritual war – it is the shifts on the inside that create the biggest results on the outside, no matter how you try to show up …
Also with NARP we can guide you specifically with what you are going through, from incredible experience and success stories in the NARP Member’s Forum. It’s a much more intimate, laser focused and powerful support place than what we can achieve here.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Nate, thank you so much for posting this.. I am in a similar situation. I am so overwhelmed I cannot even think which posted topic Melanie has available to start stearing myself on an empowered course for this matter. I pray clarity will come because I know with Melanie’s help it is here somewhere. In the meantime, keep doing the inner work and stay true to your authentic self. Namaste. Deanne
Hi Dee,
can you please see my reply to Nate?
I believe that this can help you so much as well.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
In trying to live my life but feel I losing a battle with my narc partner. He is literally after 1 year driving me crazy. It is getting me anxious. Everyday I imagining life without my narc partner and see such a bright future but yet so stuck. I just don’t it. Trauma bonding maybe. Not the first narc relationship for me. Have only ever been in narc relationships but I’m done now. I need change and change for good. To take care of myself. I never knew what a narc was until now. It’s really weird and strange and even then these aren’t words for it. Reading this article is really helped me to see. I read many on google but nothing as good as this article. Please wis me the best. I want to leave but don’t know how or where to start.
Hi Rach,
big love and hugs to you.
Have you signed up for my 16 day free course. I cant recommend it enough to help https://www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse
This is what I recommend to get started
Sending love and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Wow, did i need this, this very moment..Thank you for your ever empowering wisdom.
Living next door to, being in business with and parenting, grandparernting with a NARC can be, and often is a daily challenge…And i am certainly a woman who has gone from weeping to wailing, shutting myself down emotionally to finally “Standing my ground” ..
Now these days Im setting boundaries and feeling pretty strong..
Today I learned how not to be triggered..the most empowering lesson yet..
You just don’t know what you don’t know, until you’re open to know it..
Knowledge is key..thank you for sharing those keys..my door to freedom is truly wide open now.
Hi Donna,
you are very welcome.
I’m so pleased that this has helped you!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I’m in the middle of Narp now and recently got triggered by my sister sending a card (love bomb). The challenge is her influence over my children and husband, who all want me to mend the relationship and don’t understand or see her narc ways. I feel like I have to battle everyone at once and my sister has the upper hand. It truly is a spiritual war with her since she is psychic. I will say Narp is slowly but surely helping me find my power.
Hi Indigo,
stay true to you!
And you can shift out (with NARP) the trauma around them not accepting your decision… (Module 1 or Source Healing and Resolution Module).
Then you will see “them” get it!
Truly.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks Melanie your videos are really helpful you let me know that I am being triggered by my husband’s words. Since I have been listening to you I am gaining power in my life.
That’s wonderful Peggy!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie!
I really hope you could answer these life/sanity saving questions!
– I had romance with this man about two years. Everytime he did or said something bad or wrong, something that made me feel bad, he “attacked” me, usually telling me all the times and all the ways how I’m even “worse” than him. Never could he simply say, “oh, I’m sorry”. Then usually some punishment followed, usually silent treatment. It’s crazy, he was the original “wrong doer” and I got the “punishment”.
Once he appeared into my house as a surprise and I was just doing my weekly online study course live. He interrupted my class and I was annoyed. But then he became angry to me, because of my angry reaction. I should have been the angry one, because I couldn’t concentrate to my studies! I could have had time to him after two hours but not during my class!
Whether he is a n or not, or just someone unwell or someone with “hot temper”, is this kind of behaviour ever normal, acceptable, justified in a so called normal relationship? Has any healthy person ever any reasonable reason to behave this way? Is there even a slightest chance that I “deserved” or caused this?
– It’s sad I even have to ask these “is this normal” questions, I should trust more my intuition/common sense?
If someone makes me feel bad, confused, awful and this feeling that it is not ok…then most likely it is not ok?
– I have this childlike thought, that I always “want to see good in everyone”. I easily explain away someone’s bad actions with for example, “nobody’s perfect”, “maybe he’ just having a bad day”, “he’s latino, so he has hot temper”. And what’s even worse: “I cannot get/I don’t deserve to get better than this”.
I was abused as a child, and bullied at school…so I think that this “seeing (only) good in everyone”, is some kind of a self-soothing, defense mechanism from my childhood. That the pain was too much that someone is sometimes nice and sometimes abusive, so my brain blocked the abusive part? Could it be so? Interesting thing, even typing this makes me feel guilt, that here I am “talking bad about him behind his back”, when indeed I’m not “perfect either”. But I’m not an abuser, that’s the difference! Right? Is it typical for manipulators to play innocent and make me feel that I’m the bad guy of the story, sort of question myself/my perspective?
– He asked me to marry him, strange when I felt he wasn’t even interested in to know me in a deeper level, neither resolve any conflicts in constructive way. If I tried, it made him angry and sarcastic, again blaming me. How he thinks a marriage could ever work like that!? He said he loved me and then one day he disappeared. I thought it was again one silent treatment but now it has lasted two months. No good byes, no explanations, nothing.
Doesn’t feel like real love to me. Hmm.
Sometimes he was sweet and an excellent lover. Confusing.
Yes, I’m aware of the importance of “inner work”, but now I’d just like to get answers to these specific questions 🙂
Hi Anna,
this is the thing for all of us – there are all sorts of people that exist – those narcissistic or just selfish, or not capable of validating feelings – and then there are people who are capable of kindness, care, personal responsibility, integrity, teamwork and solution building.
Trying to work out “who someone is” equals how to lose.
The real truth is WHO were YOU being in the relationship?
I too used to argue, lecture, prescribe and try to fix and change people who were not kind, caring, able to be honest, have integrity or want teamwork and solution building with me.
As well as hang on to people even after the cruelest of treatment and abandonments.
And the truth was – I didn’t know how to set boundaries that were effective, absolute and solid – to know I deserved this (all of what I said above – kindness etc. is essential for ANY healthy relationship) and how to live that choice for myself – to call them up to my values IF they stepped up, OR completely and utterly letting them go if they couldn’t or didn’t want to. (And please know someone’s words mean nothing – it’s their real-life actions that are the truth of their character).
Eventually I realised that I deeply need to heal myself, so that I would stop being in relationships like this.
The truth was, until the inner work, most of us don’t have the inner healing, boundary function or ability to healthily understand our values and truths, set limits and let go of people who were not good for us, and take the time to get to know people safely and healthily to establish who can be.
The same is true for all of us – including you.
The questions you are focused on, are handing YOUR power away because they are not about the ONE person you can change in order to change your life – namely yourself.
When you are ready to take your power back then I would suggest to you letting go of your focus on him, and deeply healing with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
It is your way home to relief, sanity, getting out of this pain, and being able to generate healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Truly Anna, him leaving is a HUGE blessing in your life – of course he is NOT healthy! (You already know that, it’s just so confusing and painful because you are still trauma bonded – which is also normal).
Now it really is your time to heal you.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you for your reply. Me being trauma-bonded, sounds quite harsh or judgemental to me.
Well, quite frankly I think I WAS. But now I’ve done quite a lot of healing. As a matter of fact, when I clearly stated to this man, that I will not tolerate crazy behaviour x, y and z anymore, in other words set boundaries…that was approximately the time when he “disappeared”. I hope that means that we are not a “match” anymore, he noticed he cannot abuse me anymore so he took his crap elsewhere. Then how I could still be “trauma-bonded”?
I don’t know if anything in life is so black and white…I’m little bit tired of this idea of “fixing the self” (do healing), I feel it’s never-ending task and THAT doesn’t feel “healthy” to me anymore, rather obsessive. This idea that I fix myself to perfection, and then I find the perfect loving partner. Yeah, what if I don’t…It amused me what one relationship coach said: when it comes to relationships, most of us has been trained by Disney!
I hate to say this, but realistically speaking, me being 40+, slightly fat, not being able to reproduce anymore, not as attractive anymore as I used to be, healed or not, seriously what “10” man I could still get?
No matter how unstable etc. this man was…here comes now too much information…but I have never liked sex that much, it was physically even unpleasant, I just didn’t find it that important.
It was safe to invite this man into my home, he didn’t physically attack or pressure me ever. He was an excellent lover, just the way I wanted, I was surprised how I was physically able to do it with no problem and actually enjoyed it. This experience meant a lot to me. It felt healing. I felt wholeness and normalness as a woman. How beautiful was that!
If I now afterwards feel confused, sad etc., isn’t this normal, that I’m a human with feelings? And not that I “gave my power away to him”?
If I’d walk away now with no feelings whatsoever as if he never existed in my life…wouldn’t that make me an equivalent to a n? I’m not that cold-hearted :/
Yes, it could be he is a n who discarded me or is giving super long silent treatment, or not. I lost contact and couldn’t connect with an old friend, and was wondering why…then I heard this friend had passed away. It was awful news. So if someone disappears, with this background, I cannot help but become worried. I don’t like this idea of always focusing on me, myself and I, me, me, me…wouldn’t that make me a disgustingly self-centered and uncaring person?
I’m not here to be argumentative. Just saying that isn’t it normal that we humans are in varying degrees messy, in other words complex, also known as humans? 🙂 Does this aspect of us really need to be frantically “fixed” or get rid of?
Hi Anna,
it is so great that you laid those boundaries … absolutely.
And, as I said what you are feeling is very normal – it is the horrible trauma bonding.
Trauma bonding is also absolutely about still obsessing and being in the trauma, trying to “work out” that person. If you google my name plus peptide addiction and trauma bonding – there are quite a few articles and resources which can explain this to you – and also how to get relief from this.
This is in no way a criticism, it’s a very painful and confusing part of narcissistic abuse which is so consistent with what happens after narcissistic abuse.
Apart from this information, as per your reply – I truly can’t help you any further.
I deeply wish you relief and your lifeforce back.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I didn’t request for help. I just wanted to share with my sincere wish it would serve someone someway.
You said to Barbara that light means peace and sanity. That’s what I achieved when I had deeply reflected my thoughts. You call it “obsession” and “trauma bonding”. I feel offended. Almost gaslighted. Why is original, reflective thinking so threatening and triggering to you?
Some questions will never find answer and I thought that then that is sort of the answer.
Obsessive, anxious thinking (been there, done that) is different than productive, analytical thinking.
As you don’t know me, I can forgive you.
Hello and many thanks voor the video, I appreciate the topic: focussing on a narc-acting person you still need to be in contact with!
However, I’m having a hard time seeing this as a “spiritual war” of light and dark, the narc being the dark and me trying to be the light. This feels like I’d be very narcissistic myself, assuming such a role. I’d be just doing the same as my ex is doing.
Hi Barbara,
You bring up a very valid point!
Seeking peace, sanity and health is “the light”.
Does a narcissist do that?
Do we do that when we are trying to change them and force them to be “what” will make us happy and sane, against their will? (which never goes well!)
The answer is “No!”
The battle of Light means cultivating “the light” within ourselves to let go, stop trying to control toxic others with the force of our own unhealed wounds (also toxic) and chose peace, sanity and lifeforce by healing our OWN internal traumas, without trying to force the narcissist to be responsible for them.
This battle involves ALL involved.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hello
Thank you for the wonderful message. My husband is a covert narcissist and so if I set my boundaries, he will revert to either the silent treatment or getting sick. So, I become unstuck in step 3 because withdrawing isn’t effective – he would do that anyway. Is there a different tactic I can use with someone who is passive aggressive. Thank you. Regards Barbara
Hi Barbara,
ultimately with some N’s (most in fact) peace and freedom may not be possible unless you completely withdraw, meaning refusing to participate in a relationship with them anymore.
I highly suggest NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp regarding how to powerful detach and empower yourself to pull away to every level that will be necessary to retain your healthy life and self.
If you would like to understand more about NARP, please come into my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar.
I hope that this can help
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Dear Melania hello,
Your work is amazing and has helped me a lot. Now, I am considering attending NARP program and I have a question regarding what you say in one of your modules ” Let Go of the Fight to Win and Your Need for Justice”. My ex husband and father of my three kids even though he has significant income does not financially (and otherwise) contribute at all to the kids expenses. Should I continue the legal actions against him or just let go…. ?
Thank you
Diana
Hi Diana,
I’m so pleased that my work has been able to help you!
I would strongly suggest NARP to help you with exactly this.
When the trauma within of NOT getting resolution is gone, then the powerful space opens up for resolution and what is the highest and the best for you and your children to come.
That is where NARP and its entire process is so powerful http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope that this makes sense!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie, I have just come to realise that my girlfriend of only 8 months is a narcissist or maybe has NPD, everything was so great for the first 3 months but now she is 4.5 months pregnant and I don’t even know if the baby is mine as I found out she was with at least one other guy at the same time. She has promised me that the baby is mine. I cant walk away without knowing if the baby is mine so I have to stay with her until the baby is born so I can get a paternity test, How can I even try to make it somewhat easier as I really feel like I am in hell
Hi Stephen,
my heart goes out to you in your situation.
The bottom line with the unnerving confusion of how to navigate all situations with narcissists – including what you are going through is YOUR healing is the foundational priece.
Then you can access calm, wisdom, boundaries, and incredible Source answers which is always about leading you through to your highest and best outcome.
When th ehealing starts anchoring in, your answers and best unfoldings can begin.
I hope this makes sense!
Are you working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and also with NARP you have incredible support from the member’s NARP forum, no matter what you are faced with.
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks for your reply, I am starting your course tomorrow morning, I will start working with NARP over the weekend. but would she really lie about me being the father of the baby, is that something narcs do??
Hi Stephen,
It’s my pleasure.
Narcissists are capable of saying anything that fulfills an agenda.
That’s great that you are about to start working with NARP
Mel 🙏💞🦋