Trauma Bonding – What Is It Really?

I know that many of you have heard about trauma bonding, and probably know that you felt it as a result of narcissistic abuse or may be still feeling intensely bonded even after abuse.

Or perhaps you haven’t heard the phrase “trauma bond” before, yet you have experienced the shock and horror of still wanting to go toward someone, no matter how badly they treat you, exploit you or reject you.

And … even years down the track, even though you may have had No Contact with this individual, you still feel like you haven’t yet exorcised him or her out of your being.

It’s like they’re still living inside your head, and under your skin, and so many things trigger off ongoing feelings of anxiety, depression, and powerlessness, as well as the memories of their abuse toward you.

You may not have realized that these are all indications that you are still trauma bonded to this person.

My heart goes out to you if you feel stuck in this deep dark place, because I have been in that shocking helplessness myself.

I’ve talked about trauma bonding before (you can google my name plus this topic and see my material on this topic) yet today I want to go deeper and talk about survival programs and how they are at the very core of being trauma bonded.

What if I was to tell you that trauma bonding goes much deeper than you suspect?

What if I was to explain to you the ancient roots of human trauma bonding and what is really taking place here?

Are you ready for this conversation?

If so, I hope this will turn your trauma into fascination and even relief and liberation. The reason it can is because the truth always has the power to set you free.

What I love about being a seeker of truth and working with Quantum Tools is the unveiling of the deeper answers about trauma, how it impacts us, why it has limited our liberation, and how to break free from it.

That is what today’s discussion is all about!

 

The Infantile Powerless Feelings Of Trauma Bonding

I know you know the following because you’ve experienced it, but let’s go over it again. When you have someone brutalizing you and treating you in the most disgusting of ways, and you keep going back for more, you feel empty, panicked, out of control and powerless.

And, you literally feel like something has taken you over. You know you shouldn’t keep connecting and returning. It’s like touching a stove and getting burnt again or drinking the same poison which you know is making you so sick. Yet you can’t seem to stop doing it to yourself!

Of course, you literally feel like you are going mad! At the very least your self-worth, self-image and self-respect is getting flushed down the toilet.  I remember literally despising myself for staying attached.

Now, I understand why I was – it was because my survival programs were causing me to be trauma bonded.

Please understand, when things don’t make logical sense, we need to go deeper. Fortunately, as a result of my epiphany breakdown, I opened up to understanding what goes on in the Quantum unseen world. I began to literally “see” and “feel” it and through Quanta Freedom Healing and working on myself and thousands of other people, I now understand the TRUE culprit to trauma bonding – namely survival programs.

What are survival programs?

They are the human psyches’ associations of “when this happens, I may die”.

Now I want you to have an open mind and heart about this, and be prepared to look at things from a much wider lens than “just the logical surface”.

The human experience has been, and still is, brutal. Mankind has been capable of the most egregious and disgraceful acts upon each other. I don’t need to name them – but if you are not aware or don’t want to face these, I truly can’t help you understand what is really going on in your trauma bonding.

My greatest suggestion for you is to face the truth, because then (and only then) can you turn on the Light in the darkness and find your way out of the deep dark tunnel of traumas.

(Where there is Light, there is no darkness. The Light is the Truth!)

All of us as humans have taken on through our genetic history and programming the traumas of humanity – which are the terrors of, “If I am not loved, approved of, granted security or a means to survive I could die.”

Let’s break this down …

From our forebears’ perspective not being loved can mean being abandoned or replaced … meaning being cast out of the marriage, family or tribe without a means to survive.

Not being approved of could mean being persecuted, tried and executed – literally.

Having your security taken away meant not being able to provide for yourself and your loved ones … which equalled poverty, starvation, sickness and possible death.

Not being able to survive, meant not being able to fend for yourself and your family against threats and danger, and may have meant the possible annihilation of your lives.

These are the darkest of our primal terrors that even reading about (especially if you have been narcissistically abused and not yet healed these terrors up) may literally be making you feel sick, anxious and retraumatized.

But stay with me … I promise you it will be worth it.

Now here is the point to all of this – narcissists SMASH up to the surface these primal terrors which still reside deep in our human psyche.

Theses traumas are there, to varying degrees, because we are human.

When we are trauma bonded to a narcissist, and keep going back, it is our traumatized psyche which feels like the person in our ancient human history who was about to die because they were not receiving REAL love, approval, security or survival from someone or something outside of themselves.

The someone or something that we felt dependent on for our survival.

These are the feelings of being powerless if a love partner leaves  (as many women once were, gaining no access to funds, their children or even protection from other men if their husbands cast them out or replaced them) … and …

Feeling white hot terror when you are disapproved of by the narcissist or smeared with their accusations (such as historically people with differing views being labelled as “heretics” and imprisoned or executed) … and …

Feeling so dependent even when abused as your money and security is diminished, controlled or taken away (previously some people had no choice but to try and stay no matter the levels of poverty, abuse and hardship) … and …

Feeling frozen in fear when threatened, making your ability to survive a living hell (people in the past had to acquiesce to try to stay alive).

The following is what I believe and have had confirmed to me time and time again … trauma is in our subconscious programs, from our ancestor’s genetic history, our past lives where our spirit in a different flesh suit literally experienced survival traumas, and our childhoods.

Our wounds also come from the collective human trauma pain body, because at the Quantum level we are all connected “as one”.

Here is the curse and the blessing of narcissistic individuals. They represent more of our as yet unrecognized, unhealed primal terrors – possibly not in the intensity of ancient times, yet sufficient enough to reactivate those horrible feelings of dependency and powerlessness nonetheless.

Here is the thing – back in those ancient times, alternatives were scarce. To “survive” you may have had to acquiesce to a spouse, church, community or authority – because to go against it meant almost certain exile, death or being unable to feed and fend for yourself.

In war situations, it was adrenalin and cortisol and taking desperate measures that was going to keep you alive.

As a child, of course you had no rights or personal choices in any situation you were in, and as an adult you possibly didn’t either. Survival may have meant handing all of your own sovereignty and personal choices away in the hope that some person or force outside of you would allow you to exist.

If you don’t realize that slavery (one or some having power over others) is still rife in all parts of the world (just because mainstream media doesn’t tell you this) you haven’t woken up yet, and part of your awakening is the taking back of YOUR own power to no longer participate with narcissists in this dynamic.

You have been doing so because of your survival programs – which equal “someone outside of me is the Source of my love, approval, security and survival, and if I don’t stay connected to them I can’t live”.

In this place you are the broken child inside an adult body, and the powerless person in history who was a slave to others, trying to please them to survive, because they held your fate in their hands.

Yes, years ago this was true … but now there is a higher level of consciousness, truth and activation that you can access and, thank goodness, free yourself to live.

 

Healing From Trauma Bonding And Survival Programs

I hope you now understand WHY you crave, return to and cling to people that are abusing you.

I did it too, and I think it was the most devastating soul-destroying aspect of narcissistic abuse, as is the destruction of your own Life Force and health with the constant obsession about an abusive other – with seemingly no way to escape your own head!

This is all to do with your unhealed survival programs that this person represents, because without you realizing it, your subconscious programs are not yet updated to Being Your Own Source – connected to your Higher Power, which is the True Source of All Things in your life.

I want you to understand this – humanity has come a long way. There are incredibly beautiful wholesome human beings and structures which represent care, truth and wellnesses for the collective. There is a mass awakening and revival that is happening on this planet which is now exposing so much of what has been narcissistic and steeped in darkness.

It is the Light of ascension, namely those doing the shadow work, releasing their traumas, dependencies and victimization and filling with Source and Light and having the courage to take their Souls, Life Force and power back – that is exposing the untruths and true intentions of those who don’t hold humanity dear, those who are operating for their own gain at the expense of others.

Namely – narcissists.

We all have an opportunity now – to exit connections to narcissists through our trauma bonds, and to enter heaven on earth, the real way to live, love, care and create relationships, communities and ultimately our world.

But to do so we have to heal those parts of ourselves that were stuck in being trauma bonded to bad people.

Releasing yourself involves healing back to wholeness those dependent parts of you that were handing your literal Life Force over to others, as a result of our unhealed survival programs.

You were trying to stay safe through these outer forces. But it only plunged you (as it did me) into deeper abuse.

That is what slavery is, and we have been participating in it, and then by example teaching our children to be slave masters (narcissists) or slaves (co-dependents) themselves.

How do we lead the way out of this human mess?

As I discovered, relief from this is actually very simple. It comes when you release and reprogram your internal traumas.

The things that hurt.

The deep fears that narcissists (gloriously as it turned out) trigger off within us – making the unconscious survival programs fully activated and conscious.

In my own life and for so many others in this Community, if it hadn’t been for a narcissist coming in and smashing this all up the surface, we would never have been able to get truly free of the illusions we were living – thinking we were free, but really being slaves.

People pleasing. Saying “Yes” when we meant “No”. Not going within for our own wholeness. Not trusting our Higher Source guidance. Not honouring our True Lives and missions, instead selling our Souls and playing small and being dependent on others.

And … of course … continuing to live with the deep-down anxiety and depression and fears that are all to do with unhealed survival programs still lurking in our subconscious.

The reality was until I went inside and released myself from my survival programs a) I didn’t get free from the obsession, devastation and powerlessness of ongoing trauma symptoms of narcissistic abuse and b) there is no way I would feel and live like I do now, having  Source and my Soul as my authority, choosing what I know is right and true.

My greasiest mission, always, is to help you do the same. The most powerful way I know how is with NARP.

You don’t need to work out how to do this, because NARP does it just by you following the instructions. It cleans up your ancestral, past life, collective and childhood survival programs and reconnects you back to the grace, truth and power of Source.

Try NARP and you will quickly experience the dissolving of your trauma bonds.

Okay … so after reading all of this, were you ready for this conversation?

Does it resonate with you?

How does it make you feel?