Melanie Tonia Evans

How Do We Decide To Heal?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 4
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Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

It can be a huge thing to “decide” to commit to our own healing.

We may feel like if we let go of the battles we are enmeshed in that we will be annihilated.

Or maybe we think it is too late for us to heal, there are too many wounds, we are too old … or it will take too long.

But are there deeper reasons WHY we are struggling to commit to healing?

I believe there are, and I share these with you in this week’s episode.

This show will also demystify many of the common myths regarding “healing” and hopefully grant you the truths that will set you free from the REAL reasons you may have been battling with committing to your healing journey.

Things I too battled with horrifically before my Thriver Healing Journey!

And … I sooooo hope this episode helps inspire you out of your “resisting healing” funk that may have been separating you from the True Life you were born to live!

For more detail on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) – the 10 step Program that contains the specific QFH Healings to break free from narcissistic abuse click here.

 

I really hope this show resonates with you, an helps provide you with a breakthrough perspective  – and I look forward to answering your questions and comments below!

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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37 Thoughts on How Do We Decide To Heal?
  • johnwoods519@tpg.com.au'
    John
    October 17, 2016

    Omg I loved this video.

    Triggers are the golden opportunity to go inside find the wound and let it go and be free of it.

    Wow that is such strong stuff, best video and advice I have ever heard

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi John,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you!

      You are so right, triggers are TOTALLY blessed … that is key!

      Mel xo

  • kimopepe@gmail.com'
    Kim
    October 17, 2016

    Thank you so much and Happy Birthday Melanie! 🙂
    I really needed this conversation today. I am eternally grateful for all you are doing. The tools are here for us, we just have to commit to use them. Much Love!

    ~ Kim ~

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Kim,

      you are so welcome and thank you for your birthday wishes dear lady!

      It’s so true … we do have what we need to heal, it is just a matter of committing to it.

      Much Love to you too!

      Mel xo

  • murriboyd@gmail.com'
    Peter
    October 17, 2016

    Thanks Melanie on sharing your advice/knowledge with those who need it.

    You explained my position to me and helped me past the narc. who has now been gone near 6 months and I feel fine.

    It is a condition we all heard of, but lately, its in the headlines…….look who might be President.

    Peter.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Peter,

      it’s my pleasure!

      Narcissism is definitely becoming more exposed …

      It’s a very important time on this planet.

      Mel xo

  • sylvia7@talktalk.net'
    Sylvia Wilkin
    October 17, 2016

    Hi Mel and Community!
    Amazing words of wisdom once again. A huge sticking point for me with healing was – as a child, while I was showered with toys and pocket money, I was taught that having emotional needs was selfish and caused others trouble and inconvenience. My parents did this because being so wounded themselves, they couldn’t meet the needs of a child, so they made me feel bad for having them. I grew up hiding my needs, I believed I would be rejected and abandoned if I asked for anything. So healing seemed like a self-absorbed indulgence. And of course, the Ego tried its damndest to stop me. It wanted me to stay stuck – being controlled and manipulated by others, so it could feel resentful and righteous. It was working in conjunction with my peptide addiction, and was terrified of me getting rid of its “suppliers”. When I first got NARP, I didn’t start it for couple of weeks, I really had to be firm with myself and also convince myself that I was deserving of a happy pain-free life. I know my ego will always be here, and its not a problem now because I don’t mistake its whisperings and warnings for other things like intuition, premonition or even “reality”. Great topic Mel, and very relevant to my experience, much love xxx

    • jannevill@gmail.com'
      Jan
      October 17, 2016

      Sylvia I love those words ‘so that it could feel resentful and righteous’ as they are a short cut to seeing the ego at work. Thank you for them, little gems. ??

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Sylvia,

      Totally insightful what you have shared here.

      How many people have felt “wrong” committing to their own healing? If we don’t believe we deserve to value ourselves then it can be incredibly difficult to commit to doing so.

      How wonderful that you DID take a stand for your own worth and start working NARP.

      Much love to you too darling sister!

      Mel xo

  • roosandrea@aol.com'
    Dea
    October 17, 2016

    Thanks a lot for that profound message, dear Melanie. I have been struggling for quite a while to get out of a standstill on almost all outer levels, work, relationships, love for life. Although my relationship with a narcissist ihas been over for 3 years I have the feeling that I am still struggling with getting on with my life, especially with the missing link to not falling back into survival mode, the only pattern I cultivated my whole life. I got your NARP program a year ago and – as far as I can judge it – my ego (like the wonderful example with the courageous Danish girl) is hugely resistant and – like you mentioned in your above episode – I feel that I don`t deserve happiness or can’t even imagine how a happy, fulfilling life would look like for me. I feel like “numbed out” in a way and cannot even articulate or feel how desires and aims for my further life would look like except being authentic.
    So I really appreciate that you talked about this topic and your inspirational insights.

    Love, Dea

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Dea,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      I am so pleased this topic was timely for you – and I really encourage you Dea to come into the NARP Forum and reach out for love and support. Sometimes having an army of angels supporting can create the very impetus for our shift.

      I have seen this happen so many times in the NARP Forum, that before people have learnt to propel themselves, others have been the wind under their wings to help them get there.

      If you haven’t as yet, please do register in the Forum http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

  • jannevill@gmail.com'
    Jan
    October 17, 2016

    A belated Happy Birthday Melanie, Penblwydd Hapus (in Welsh) and thank you for this gift that you have given us. I am feeling happier than I have felt for years because I am in NC and in the healing process but, as you described, there are days when I have not done a module or I have tried to rationalise triggers or push them away for all of the reasons you have stated. This video is a reminder to me that if I want to fly I not only have to fix broken wings but i also have to maintain them with tlc. Thank you for this imagery, it has really helped me understand that anything that takes me away from this is the ego at work. I’m at that middle stage where this understanding is key, so lots of love and hugs for this. ??

    P.s. These days I don’t always go and sit to listen to a module as such, I seem to carry one in my head for when I am on walks with my dogs. I go through the process of identifying a trigger then taking it and all associated stuff into the pit of my stomach and then release it. I then use the inspiration from my actual safe place to fill me with light and Source. I will hear your voice in my head as I do this and keep muscle testing until I have cleared the worst of the trigger and then finish off when I get home. Do other people do this?

    • jannevill@gmail.com'
      Jan
      October 17, 2016

      Forgot to mention you look fab and nowhere near your age!! Clearly NARP has performed miracles for you, your energy and bounce is inspiring. ??

      • Melanie Tonia Evans
        October 18, 2016

        Awww Jan,

        thank you darling lady!

        Yes …. the more trauma I release out of my being and replace with Source – the healthier my cells get.

        Hence the “age” thing for me really is irrelevant!

        Mel xo

    • sylvia7@talktalk.net'
      Sylvia Wilkin
      October 17, 2016

      Yes Jan, I do this too. I like to deal with a trigger as soon as it happens, while the charge is at its strongest. I have done it on trains and even in ladies loo’s! xxx

      • jannevill@gmail.com'
        Jan
        October 18, 2016

        That’s good to know Sylvia, thank you. I’ve realised that it needs to be as much a part of my daily routine as cleaning my teeth. This video has really reinforced this. ??

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          October 18, 2016

          Sylvia and Jan,

          you are RIGHT on it!

          When we get used to shifting – we can shift anywhere 🙂

          Literally ….

          Mel xo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Jan,

      thank you darling lady – and I love the Welsh “happy birthday” as I am part Welsh!

      It’s my pleasure Jan!

      Oh yes, how true is it that when we try to battle the triggers rationally, as opposed to doing the work in our bodies that there is a HUGE difference in results.

      Universes apart in fact.

      The first takes us deeper into the trauma, and the latter liberates us from it and creates yet another evolution rise into our next Highest Version of Self.

      Hun, our entire life is about eternally going to our traumas and loving them enough to be vulnerable, real and heal them (doing the up-levelling work). And knowing that this is the rub … that is the process … IF each and every time we want to expand, grow, become more Source-like and joyous.

      Our triggers are THE springboard to do this.

      Knowing that (when we start living it) why on earth would we NOT do it?

      Fabbo you are doing the shifts inside your own being – with my voice in your head.

      Yes, absolutely people have clicked into doing this.

      If you feel the body shift, relief and expansion beyond the wound – it IS working for you!

      Keep up the great work Jan.

      Mel xo

  • kim.shallis@gmail.com'
    TimC
    October 17, 2016

    Hi Mel
    love where the show took me, thank you 🙂
    I thought of you and all 🙂

    sage

    the work bubble
    huff and puff
    type and Skype
    stream clean

    take five…

    a little chamomile
    a meditative thought
    to balance
    don’t be afraid
    to open this door…

    ‘ what if I’m wrong ? ‘

    play this out…
    you know what comes in
    is the one
    you’re without

    peace and relax
    love and detach
    breath in the moment
    it’s not a mistake

    it’s a break

    you deserve to take

    clear the page
    and in comes the sage

    …/\…
    love
    Tim
    52 years old 🙂

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Tim,

      I am so glad the video resonated with you!

      Thank you for your lovely share with me 🙂

      Mel xo

  • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
    JC
    October 18, 2016

    Sounds like someone could use one of those bumper stickers that says, “Keep honking, I’m reloading—my energy.” 😉
    (You might have to write the last two words on with magic marker, since I’ve only seen bumper stickers sold with the first part). 🙂

    But anyway … one reason I procrastinated the healing was because I thought I needed to do it all in one sitting. This would mean I’d need to set aside 2 or more hour time blocks. (If I paused the healing to write things down, it could be longer). Someone on the NARP forum mentioned that it was ideal to do the QFH modules in one sitting, but also fine to break them up into multiple sittings. Since I’ve broken them up, it’s helped a lot with procrastination.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi JC,

      Yes it was like “Honk away … I’m Shifting!”

      You can break the healings down absolutely – and also are you working with the new Module 1?

      It is faster!

      Mel xo

      • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
        JC
        October 19, 2016

        Yes, I like that I can come back to Module 1 and redo it as a shorter version. 🙂

  • smartmomb1968@gmail.com'
    Martha Reilly
    October 18, 2016

    I have struggles with the daunting feeling of a lot of wounds. It’s helpful to hear that is my ego talking, that’s not a quantum truth. I have worked NARP for a year and a half, and it got a lot less distressing, the thoughts of the narc and his life. My job got a lot more distressing, after I started healing my wounds around the ex-narc. I had to get other work, which has been challenging, although it’s been possible, as opposed to before I started NARP modules. I got the Empowered Self Course after a year and half of healing through NARP. I have had so many things occur. I connected with some people involved in a labor movement regarding the corporation I have worked for under terrible conditions for nine years, and spoke publicly and in the media about it, and how it just has gotten worse and worse no matter what I do, and they have had some good benefits like a raise and a few other issues are sort of being addressed. I am so stressed, though. I have been gaslighted all through the time I was working, but I have been spooked since bringing the stuff to people’s attention. I wonder if this is too much for me, as I feel like a quantum shift of everything in my life is necessary to heal, but it’s really sooo much that needs to heal. I feel very uncomfortable and under-confident in my ability to handle the strain. My dad did a lot of really abusive things to me that I was previously unaware of, and I worry about being able to take care of myself while healing myself. I would like to take a sabbatical to heal, but don’t have an obvious way to do this. It nearly killed me what my dad did. Repeatedly. I can’t bust through my life and constantly exercise to the point of exhaustion the way I was. I am kind of feeling a mixture of areas of stress and gratitude, if that makes any sense, and I wonder if I am doing this wrong, or if it is possible for me to do this right. Which is weird, because I know even a narcissist can do this if only they were willing. It’s just there’s so much pain. Is it worse than before? Probably not, but it is more conscious. Anyways, I was encouraged by hearing that it is my ego that wants me to believe it’s impossible. Thanks for your program and addressing this issue which has been so pertinent to my situation. ?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Martha,

      many people within the Community (myself included originally) had the beliefs “there are too many wounds to heal”.

      That truly is a direct belief that can be targeted and up-levelled … and sometimes we forget to do that with QFH, we forget to reprogram an obvious belief that is stuck in our Being that is creating a significant negative experience or impediment with our healing process.

      That would be my suggestion to you – go to THAT exact belief in your body, track, load up, release and replace with Source.

      Also there are 2 other beliefs / orientations that can make our healing process (getting out of daily pain and survival programs) be drawn out and longer than necessary.

      1) Not loving ourselves RIGHT NOW trauma and all.

      When we have the beliefs, I am not okay with this pain, and when in between shift work we are not lovingly super-present and talking to ourselves adoringly and supportively like a devoted Mother would to her child – our Inner Being feels “unacceptable” with its trauma – (THAT is the worst trauma of all) and we are judging ourselves and holding up terrible and painful conditions of “I will ONLY be loving and accepting towards you WHEN you are no longer in trauma.”

      Boy does that NEVER work or allow the space for healing!

      For myself when I realised I was HORRIBLY wounded, and I had TONS of shifts to do, and I was not going to be better overnight – and realised that I was soooooo conditional with myself (and it wasn’t helping or creating true healing) I dropped all of that.

      I started adoring me NOW.

      I kept working on triggers daily doing QFH Modules to release my Inner Being from her trauma, but I stopped rejecting and abandoning my emotional self with all her trauma.

      Every day – minute by minute I told myself how much I loved myself, how proud I was of myself and I said to my inner child “I love you RIGHT now … and I always will, and I am never leaving you again.”

      Then I got comfortable with still existing trauma … whenever it was triggered. Instead of HATING it … I breathed, I loved me, I used every painful time as a time to commit to loving myself EVEN more …

      And I STOPPED judging triggers. I just rolled up my sleeves kept shifting daily and kept loving me in every way I could.

      THEN The urgency was gone to heal, then I was no longer hellbent on the destination (of being unwounded).

      And I found I could start to love the journey and be grateful for everything – no matter how it appeared.

      THAT was a True Healthy Life Orientation as a wounded individual on her way to freedom and evolution, and THEN it started to happen in warp speed ways – because I no longer NEEDED it to.

      Okay this is the 2nd negative belief that may be playing out …

      2) Labelling things as a victim would.

      Every time we thinks something is “terrible” and “horrible” and people are “doing that to us” we have forgotten the truth. That every situation in our life is bringing us the evidence in real time of our inner beliefs on that topic.

      In Quantum Terms there is nothing happening “to” us, it is all Happening “for” us.

      Painful triggers allows us to not only shift that belief for ourselves but to also shift those beliefs and traumas for the entire collective … for all of humanity.

      If we believe in our own victimisation, we will not do that – we not become effective in generating within ourselves the upgraded / up- levelled evolution from that wound (to bring reform and healing to ourselves and others) and in effect all we do is roll around adding to the victimisation experience for ourselves and others.

      If we are stuck as a victim, we need to do work on that, so that we get out of judgement / stuckedness into gratitude / up-levelling / creation.

      I hope this can help you Martha with some food for thought – and some direction in your next steps.

      And the next steps are vital, because as Prema Chodren famously said – “If we haven’t learnt the lesson, we are not released from it.”

      Mel xo

  • clr522@aol.com'
    Elizavetta
    October 18, 2016

    I loved this episode as well thank you Melanie, its interesting how one try’s to manage both for a while the ego and the Narp thinking that eventually the Narp will overcome the ego.
    but you just end up backing yourself into a corner no escape and no where else to go with everything collapsing around you no matter how much you keep trying to gather it all up.
    sometimes i think you have to get to that point before you can start to heal recover and find your true life.
    admiting to yourself that the way you have been trying to manage your life, be accepted, noticed, listened to,loved everything we crave is never going to happen on the path your on.

    Being physically born and being mentally born on soul level born is equally as dramatic, letting go of the safety of the mothers womb being squeezed to almost the life pushed out of you before pow there you are out in the open pure and ready for your life.
    I am at the point now where contractions are starting there is no other choice but to go with the flow you can not stay where you are and going back is not an option!
    I am grateful that my midwife is Melanie and the Narp angels <3

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Elizavetta,

      I am so pleased you loved this episode.

      I so agree, that when we finally admit “My life doesn’t work the way I have been trying to do it”, we can acknowledge something needs to shift hugely …

      We need to change ourselves.

      I love your analogy, about coming down the birth canal.

      We are all doing this – if we choose death from ego to move toward rebirth to True Self.

      What else is there to do?

      The very reason for being alive is living …

      Mel xo

  • reneerutledge1@yahoo.com'
    Renee
    October 18, 2016

    I have watched this 3 times. I was amazed to find that my ego was preventing me from hearing amazing bits of truth that I needed. I have reached the point of “make or break” and I was so ready to receive this….despite my ego!!! Thank you for this so very much!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 18, 2016

      Hi Renee,

      that is wonderful this spoke to your soul by bypassing your ego!

      You are very welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  • Timoftahoe@gmail.com'
    Timothy
    October 18, 2016

    Happy Belated Birthday Melanie! Thanks for addressing this! I have been dragging my feet and I didn’t know why. Especially since I KNOW I feel better each time. I read here that one can shift anywhere. I am going to memorize and take a cheat sheet for the process with me now! I tried a couple of times to shift “on the fly” but couldn’t remember the exact sequence. Plus I wasn’t sure if that would be effective to accomplish the rewiring. But now I’m going to! Thank you so much for this episode! Again, a very Happy belated Birthday to you! ??? Much love, Timothy

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 19, 2016

      Hi Timothy,

      my pleasure!

      That is great that you are going to take on shifting “anywhere”.

      Thank you for your Happy Birthday wishes Timothy!

      Mel xo

  • info@psyche.co.za'
    Stella
    October 18, 2016

    Hi Melanie, thanks for your powerful advice and insight. My ego definitely resists the healing so its good to see ways of addressing it directly to get answers and down to those core wounds. A belated Happy Birthday to you. WOW, as someone already said, you don’t look your age at all- I would have put you in your 30’s!

  • steve.hunter.email@gmail.com'
    Steve Hunter
    October 18, 2016

    Happy Belated Birthday as well Melanie. Thanks for all you do!

  • pinkhershey@outlook.com'
    Alissa
    October 24, 2016

    Dear Melanie Tonia Evans, my name is Alissa. I made the narcississist leave after 8 yrs. And a 6 yr old daughter. I moved into my family’s home and he came with for 2 weeks. I have been severely abused in all areas except sexually. I gave him the ultimatum of church and counseling for months so far he came to church once. Anyway I am trying hard to heal. I’ve been suicidal for 3 weeks and terrified my daughter will be left. I am seeking every support by still the pain is unbearable. He is living a a woman he left me for before and at that time I tried to commit suicide. She takes total care of him esp financially. I have been reading a lot of your posts and yesterday watched quanta healing session on YouTube Sandra. It besides God is only thing keeping me alive. My inner child beliefs even scare me. What do I do? And I’m on ssi are the healings expensive? And why am I suicidal? My thought is if he doesn’t actively love me im nothing and should severely hurt Never had this as bad w any man.

  • maggie.evans@hotmail.co.uk'
    Jasmine Rose
    October 26, 2016

    Thanks Melanie, some very useful and profound words in your video. I’ve listened to it just now, and I’m going straight back to hear it all over again. It’s exactly what I need right now. Love and hugs x

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