Toxic Shame and Trauma: How Are They Linked?

Most, if not all, of us who have been abused find that as we heal, we become aware that our entire lives have been blighted by things like people-pleasing, perfectionism and procrastination. We have a lack of boundaries with other people and become easily enmeshed with them, yet we are unable to create truly intimate relationships with others where we receive love as well as give it.

There is one factor that drives all of this – toxic shame.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I explain how toxic shame underlies so many of our painful patterns, and how to break free of its shackles. I also update you on two upcoming Live events which can set that healing in motion.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome dear Thriver to Thriver TV – my YouTube channel which empowers you to not only survive narcissistic abuse, but also to thrive after it.

Today I want to talk about a dynamite topic, toxic shame, because it affects virtually everybody after disappointing, painful and narcissistic relationships.

But before I get started, I just want to remind you to like my videos, hit the subscribe button, and if you love my content, please share it with others so that they can know it is possible to heal for real from narcissistic relationships.

 

What Is Toxic Shame?

Recently I shared with you the topics of ‘Abuse and Addictions’, and ‘Breaking Painful Patterns’. Now I want to get down to the core of where this all comes from.

It’s toxic shame.

This is our tendency to blame ourselves and feel that we’re unworthy, defective, bad or wrong, and unacceptable.

Toxic shame is an insidious trigger and when it goes off, it feels shocking. It feels so terrible that we want to curl up, hide and remove ourselves from participating in life. It has us despising ourselves and to survive these feelings we may take on all sorts of behaviors to try to avoid the shame and cover it up.

But it lingers. It can destroy our day, week, month, or our whole life.

I think we can all agree that toxic shame is one of the worst human emotions we experience.

 

Where Does Toxic Shame Come From?

So why do we have toxic shame triggers? It’s because our human programming has been designed this way.

It’s a powerful delusion that’s been perpetuated on humankind – that you’re small, wrong, carnal, dirty, disgusting – and you are scapegoated for all that is apparently wrong. You are even told that you are a blight on the planet, that you’re a literal virus.

Nothing could be further from the truth, because Who You Really Are is a fractal of Source / God / Creation – whatever name you want to grant to a higher power that is responsible for everything that we see as life force.

You are a part of divine ultimate creation and love, which wants to glorify itself through you as you. You only have to know that you are worthy of such love, ultimate life force and wellbeing. You do not have to earn it, win it or pay to get it. It is yours simply because you exist and you are unconditionally loved and accepted by All That Is.

The grand lie of separation is that you and Creator are separated and are not conjoined in oneness – that you are not love or expanded and you are not made in the likeness and the image of the ultimate higher power.

The fact is you are, which means not only resembling Creation itself, but also having the identical capacity. It was said you would do even greater things than I can do.

This belief has separated you from Source and had you feeling out on your own, forsaken, terrorised, needy, empty and therefore highly susceptible to the lie. The collective not only makes you feel even worse about yourself, but also offers up all sorts of outer fixes to make you feel better – and of course these fixes don’t work.

False Sources come into your life, appearing to be your saviour, when they are really your punisher. Enter narcissistic people, stage left, on a collective or personal level. These are damaged people, so deeply disconnected from Source that they are in their primitive brain function and the survival mechanisms of ‘me versus you’.

These survival mechanisms and the beta brainwave of ego create intense competition for resources. Narcissists believe “I am the God of my universe”. They are attached the small logical brain which is not in unity with supreme consciousness. They operate from a lower frequency of fear, control, lack, and separation from the compassion and truth of Oneness. They see others as mere objects to manipulate in order to get their share of the goodies. That’s what narcissistic consciousness is.

When we have unresolved toxic shame – when we have not as yet ascended to knowing who we really are – then we draw the situations, people and self-sabotages to us which manufacture even more toxic shame. This becomes a vicious cycle of failure, exposing our weaknesses and our self- hatred. It keeps the powerful inner programs of toxic shame going.

Be very clear – whenever you feel an intense trigger but do not go within to heal it, then you’re just going to sign up for more of the same, because you are a powerful creator. Whatever is going on in your inner emotional universe is exactly what is going to be reflected in your outer universe. That’s how our life works here.

 

The Effects of Toxic Shame

So what are the effects of toxic shame? There are many and they’re very painful.

First of all, you’re going to be emotionally unavailable to others because you will have a fear of getting close.

True intimacy is not about getting naked with people. Anybody can do that and still be wearing invisible layers of falseness, image control and pretences whilst doing it.

True nakedness is into-me-see – being visible, vulnerable, and real.

With toxic shame, we don’t have the ability to show our true self, draw other authentic people to us or share real communion. To do that, we have to be able to meet, hold and heal every part of ourselves, including our shadows. The darkest of which is our toxic shame.

Toxic shame can be attached to perfectionism.

With perfectionism, if there’s any possibility of failure at all, you simply can’t risk being seen or expanding into the contributions, the gifts and the divine calling that you have to share with this world. You don’t shine and you can’t accept any possible setback or learning curve. You are not vibrating at the level of higher understanding that when things go wrong, they’re happening for you, not to you. They are calling you forth into a greater focus, inner guidance and hearing the call towards the right direction and therefore success. So-called mistakes are needed for that.

Or maybe you hide or get so focused onto doing one single task perfectly, that you get bogged down, sidelined and forgo every other new expansion in your life. All because you can’t live up to some impossible standard that can never be reached. This is a life wasted. This is the mission of your soul being untapped and unrealized.

Toxic shame is also the reason you may take the blame, forfeit your rights, over-apologize and forgive others far too easily. It’s not possible to take a stand for your values when you feel wrong, bad, and responsible for everything and everyone. Sadly, the outcome of this is that you are never noticed, respected, honoured, supported, or truly loved by others.

 

Healing Toxic Shame

When my wonderful MTE team and I discussed this topic this morning, it was a consensus that many Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program members begin by working their NARP modules to clear inner trauma about the narcissist, but as they go deeper into the healing of their core, they discover that this leads to the necessity to face, hold, let go and go free from their inner toxic shame. We found exactly the same in our own personal healing journeys.

Once toxic shame is released, there’s incredible healing, a resurrection of self, and the ultimate true returning to Love and Source. This is the coming home to ourselves – our own wholeness, peace and love. It is the connection to our higher power because it is the super-conscious truth of ourselves. It’s who we really are.

The issue of toxic shame is not a psychological disorder, it’s a spiritual one.

You can’t learn your way out of toxic shame. That would take lifetimes. It requires Quantum healing, which is effective, energetic, inner self-healing. It shifts you within your core being.

 

In Conclusion

If what I’ve said today – on this very important topic that affects us all – resonates with you, then click here to look into the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. This will create your recovery not only from abuse, but also from toxic shame.

I also have two upcoming live events.

I recently launched my Manifesting 5D Love Relationships Event, to help you create conscious love and find your tribe. There’s been an enormous global uptake of this event from our members worldwide, understandably, because real love is what we all want.

Today I want to tell you about my brand new ‘Freedom from Relationship Trauma and Toxic People’ 4-hour Workshop.

This is my most comprehensive one-off workshop ever. During this Live interactive session you will receive Quantum tools and guidance that will enable you to powerfully shift out of shame and fear, organically resolving the abuse trauma and painful patterns that are currently holding you back.

Whether you have yet to try my Quanta Freedom Healing, or whether you are a seasoned NARPer and Thriver, you won’t want to miss my latest discoveries – or the power of us joining together in a healing.

With a lavish personal workbook, and a workshop recording to keep, you will be able to return to these deep understandings and healing again and again, as a lifetime resource.

So be sure to click this ‘Freedom from Relationship Trauma and Toxic People’ workshop link to let go of shame and toxic relationships, and break free to create truly healthy ones.

Please share this resource with those you care about, because it relates to us all. Our world needs to understand the truth of toxic shame, to heal from it.

I hope you enjoyed this – let me know below – and until the next one, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there truly is nothing else to do. Lots of love. Bye-bye.