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It’s devastating when a narcissist lies, smears you and uses your dismayed reactions to their abuse against you.

This is what narcissists do mercilessly, methodically, and even chillingly.

As a False Self it is what they have to do ­– demonise you and exalt themselves as the victim and the good one. This gives them the justification to treat you as the enemy, so they can move on without having to undergo the scrutiny and accountability for their own disordered behaviour. Sadly, and commonly, you will be horrified to realise your loved ones get dragged into the fray.

The narcissist is very comfortable with lying and manipulating people to get them onside. As a plasticine “actor” the narcissist is very comfortable and skilled at saying whatever it takes to fulfil their own agenda. This is about gaining narcissistic supply – attention, acclaim, and superiority, as well as protection from narcissistic injury – burying all the evidence of their wrongdoing and assigning blame on to you.

People regularly get fooled into believing the narcissist. It’s actually not their fault. Many people are not aware of how capable sociopaths are of looking people in the eye, telling outrageous lies and providing false evidence, complete with incredible minute detail and the appropriate emotional responses. The scary thing is that narcissists often convince themselves that their twisted narrative is the truth – which makes it even more convincing.

As the self-proclaimed “God” a narcissist feels almost a zealous justification in exposing you, bringing scrutiny and punishment upon you and warning everyone of what a disgraceful person you are. They do this masterfully by presenting evidence in a way that people find digestible. Narcissists are experts at “feeling” how to “be” in front of certain people to get a message across – it’s a honed super-power.

The tragic aspect is that you find many of your nearest and dearest believe the narcissist. You are shocked. You thought they knew you and trusted you. They did … but now they surmise … “Why on earth would an adult tell me something so shocking about someone, in such detail, unless it was really true?” In other words, they can’t imagine that any humans are capable of lying like this!

Here is the ultimate issue they can’t get their head around, “How could any human BE that sinister and evil?” It doesn’t compute for most good people!

You are incredibly traumatised by all of this. You react, explode, plead, are shaken, terrorised and try to do all sorts of things to reverse the smear campaign. You feel so triggered, unsafe, and betrayed that you can barely breathe.

People assess the narcissist versus you and see a calm and cool (and even acting lovingly concerned about you) narcissist, whereas you are behaving like a crazy person. This further supplements the narcissistic story that you are unwell, mentally disturbed, doing terrible things that you were hiding from everybody and now that you have been exposed you have become completely irrational and abusive.

See how this works?

So … what can you do to expose the narcissist? How can you reverse your loved ones’ siding with the narcissist, pulling away from you and even turning on you? How can you cope with abuse by proxy from authorities, or your job being threatened, and all the other damage that the narcissist can cause as a result of their deliberate smear campaign?

One thing is for sure, continuing to be triggered and going into damage control doesn’t work – it just digs you deeper into being alienated and blamed. In the fifteen plus years that I have helped people recover from narcissistic abuse, I know that trying to deal with this whilst triggered never works – it didn’t work for me, or for anyone else.

But I did crack the code of what does work, which I am about to share with you in these 3 clear steps.

 

Step Number 1 – Realise You Are In A Spiritual War

Physical and logical retaliation doesn’t work with narcissists.

If this was a normal person saying something awful that wasn’t true about you – yes you could approach them, and they would have the conscience and humanity to course correct and do the right thing.

That is not the narcissist. He or she is a propaganda machine, who uses lies and manipulation to feed and protect the False Self, as well as achieve self-serving agendas at the expense of others. They have to lie to be themselves.

A narcissist will not reverse course, rather they just double down on “proving” to all and sundry that they were the right and good one, and you were wrong and evil one.

If you try to expose what really is the truth, then they will use your every reaction to smear you further, until you realise that reacting plays exactly into their hands – it provides the narcissist the EXACT bullets to shoot you with.

You may think, “Okay so I won’t go to the narcissist, about this (there is no point), but I will go to the people who are being lied to.”

Of course, this would seem reasonable, because after all you probably have proof, conversations and even a paper trail of some facts that will convince people that the narcissist is lying to them.

Yet, it doesn’t work!

You are astounded. People are fast asleep. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to belt people over the head with hard facts, they continue to look at you with glazed eyes and tune out. They are not hearing you or believing you.

The following may shock you – they are not meant to!

Remember the ALL important key here: You are in a spiritual war.

What does that mean? It means the narcissist is attacking YOUR SPIRIT. The very essence of you –your core foundational self. Which is what is going on inside of us. It is how we feel between ourselves, life, and others regarding these four pillars – love, approval, security, and survival.

Smearing you and flipping the script, setting the blame on you for all of the disgraceful things the narcissist did themselves, is an incredibly effective way to attack your Inner Spirit. Your foundations of love, approval, security, and survival are all now under threat. Your support networks are crumbling, and the harder you try to stop it happening outside of you the more everything breaks and falls as everything gets worse and worse.

Remember you are in a spiritual war.

The only true solution is addressing this inside of you.

 

 

Step Number 2 – Turn Inwards And Heal What Hurts

When you are being smeared and feel betrayed by your nearest and dearest and possibly even your most precious loved ones (your children), the shock to your core identity is horrifying. You may feel like you can no longer function, be out in your community and that no one has your back and you are going to lose everyone and everything and literally be annihilated. You may feel like you might die.

Not only are you going through the shock of the narcissist’s monstrous cruel betrayals and discard as if you never mattered (regardless of how much you loved and what you gave in the relationship) you now have the rest of your Universe turned against you too.

I was there 15 years ago … I lost everything and everyone and there was no thing or person outside of me to hang onto for help.

People have said to me over the years, “I’m so sorry for you, that must have been so bad for you that you had NO one!”

Now I understand why it was meant to be like this. It allowed me to finally understand this was a spiritual war and my super-power needed to be found inside of me. Back then everything and everyone was gone, there was no place left to turn except inside.

I finally turned inwards with Quantum Healing Tools (now the updated and refined version is NARP – the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) and was able to clean out of inside of me the triggered traumas of persecution, betrayal, loss, shame, fear, the need to hold him accountable, the need to change people’s minds, and the feeling that I would literally DIE if I couldn’t convince people that I WAS a good person and I didn’t do these things!

I worked hard on this for weeks, until I discovered the miracle that I had never previously understood – what people thought of me and said about me wasn’t the issue – what I FELT about me was!

When my feelings reset to the calm and peace of, “I know who I am, I am adored and loved by Source and I am whole and safe as I AM.” I discovered there was no longer any triggered trauma regarding what people thought or said about me.

I was finally free to be myself.

One of the astounding things about reaching this spiritual graduation within my Inner Being, was I realised I had always been overly attached to what other people thought of me.

Throughout my entire life it had caused me to give to get.

It had made me not speak up and try to keep the peace.

It had also left me open to abuse because I used to fear losing others more than losing myself.

I had previously believed that other people GAVE me my Identity. I hadn’t known any other way to BE!

Now they didn’t! I had just claimed my own identity between myself, Source and Creation. I was no longer emotionally dependent on what other people thought or felt about me.

Now, despite my “outer reality” of people thinking I was a disgraceful person, I felt more peace and inner solidness than I had ever known – and this time it was unconditional, which means it just WAS.

Then what happened was a miracle. There had been such a dramatic shift within me that the spiritual and then the physical shifted to match it.

The authorities abusing me by proxy (notably the police, my accountant and real estate agency) all WOKE up. They came to me apologising, realising they had been lied to. He was exposed.

I had not done anything in the physical to get this result. And it happened with all three institutions almost simultaneously.

My son and family came to me and told me they realised the truth. Certain colleagues and friendships returned (the ones that were not meant to didn’t) and all smear campaigns dissolved into native nothingness. They literally ceased to exist.

The staggering thing is that I was not feeling any NEED for this to happen. I already had healed myself to inner peace. I recognised the absolute truth about narcissists – we can’t defeat them in the physical, our true power that they have absolutely no answer for is in the spiritual.

It is in the Light, through our Inner Being that they can no longer drag us into their dark dungeons where they defeat us, with our unhealed, triggered wounds that keep us in the narcissist’s dark punching ring with them.

But of course, we are dealing with this in real life too.

So, let’s look at how to be in the physical to back up our own spiritual super-power.

 

Step Number 3 – Be Anti-Fear And Integrity With Non-Attachment

In the NARP Community Forum, we are forever coaching people on how to defeat a narcissist who is smearing you and tearing you to pieces.

There is a three-part powerful presence in the physical that completely unravels the narcissist and leaves them powerless to turn people and institutions against you.

The first way that is essential to show up in physically is as “anti-fear” – meaning untriggered. This is not a logical thing that you can decide to do, this is done by cleaning out inner trauma with an effective Quantum Tool (such as NARP) to release these terrible triggered feelings and come home to calm and peace without physical evidence granting you this inner relief.

Now you are in your TRUE power centre.

Then when you are being attacked or invalidated by people, you can be yourself. There is nothing to defend because you are already at peace. You know the chips will fall where they may. You know who you are and the truth wins in the end.

You know the people who are supposed to see the truth will do so sooner or later.

Even with your children, you don’t defend and you don’t “smear” back – you don’t try to get them to see your version of the truth (which is the truth), you are your solid self, continually healing yourself up, knowing that your presence and “self” is evidence enough.

You say things like, “That’s his or her version. That’s okay. I have a different version of things, but of course you are free to make your own choices about what you choose to believe, and that’s important. I know and trust you will make the right decisions for you. I love you and I’m here to support you regardless. What would you like for dinner tonight?”

You don’t need people to “get” you – YOU “get” you.

(Wait and see how others organically follow).

Regarding court and authorities, don’t try to expose a narcissist (that backfires terribly), rather expose calmly, concisely and factually the bad behaviour, with verifiable (unemotional) incidences.  Don’t grant the narcissist or their solicitor any emotional energy, just address the judge in a calm, collected and extremely solid and credible way.

Narcissists freak when they know they can’t get to you emotionally. They panic when you are not trying to fight them in their dark dungeons whilst being triggered in your wounds. Like true energy vampires they can only operate in the shadows, and this is when narcissists usually lose their poise and the narrative and expose themselves. This is when the truth comes to Light.

I can’t tell you how many REAL powerful wins our NARP members have had  in our community with custody, property and business settlements because of this formula.

The third part of how to show up physically, is don’t be attached to the outcome. I know that this is easier said than done, and you may feel like it’s impossible. It’s not – with NARP healing shifts you absolutely will get there.

Why is this so important?

Because you are in a spiritual war. You can’t win this in the physical, without getting the spiritual right.

The true war that defeats narcissists hands down, in EVERY way is this, “I am a whole Source of peace and integrity with True Source. I am at peace with love, approval, security, and survival, knowing Source / Creation / Life Force loves, adores, me, has my back and all is well – regardless of what you are or aren’t trying to do to me. I’m already home – and that is my state of victory, no matter what happens.”

Then EVERYTHING you want starts to happen – including the narcissist’s lies being exposed and your loved ones returning to you.

Why? Because you already BEcame it and then it CAME.

That is the true meaning of Be – Come.

Remember, this is a spiritual war.

 

In Conclusion

I hope that this deeply resonates with you.

If you are ready to come home in the spiritual and then have power in the physical against a narcissist – the answer is NARP – it is exactly THAT process.

I look forward to your comments and questions about this article!

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Commments (56) + Leave a comments

56 thoughts on “3 Steps To Expose The Narcissist’s Lies And Get Your Loved Ones Onside

  1. Melanie, I simply express my love as one human being to another as you write this. Thank you.

      1. Thank you for giving of yourself to help others. I feel supported as you do understand and believe we are not the perpetrator, but the victim.

        With kindest regards,

        Mary

    1. Thankyou for your 3 steps to expose the Narcissists lies Melanie
      I am going thru so much with this man I’ve been married to for 51 yrs
      The last 8 yrs has been terribly pain with his blantant lies covering his deceit
      He is now trying to fill my kids with his lies to protect himself to be that good man
      I Thankyou for your input.

  2. Excellent article Melanie!
    Thank you for addressing this very thing.
    I have recently completed the 21 day challenge & am feeling so totally empowered! Thank you for throwing that challenge out. I would strongly recommend it for all.
    Blessings🙏

  3. Hi Melanie!
    Thank you for this extraordinary article, especially the part on “court and authorities”! Unfortunately I still have more to do with the narcissist in the legal system…🥺 each time I read something from you or hear something from you about what to do when dealing with the narcissist in court my plan for self management gets better…Today is no exception! 🙌
    So far she has managed to trigger me in deposition and court on certain occasions but I don’t think that she’s gonna be able to do that as much anymore! I have NARP on my side! I think my confidence level is getting better! 🙏
    Well, I’m thankful that you are here so often for me and for us! I don’t know what I would be doing without NARP! Thanks a lot, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️

    1. Hi Peter,

      it’s my pleasure, and I’m so pleased that I can help.

      That’s so great that your triggers are dissolving.

      We love being here for you Peter and thank you for being a wonderful member of our amazing community.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  4. Spiritual vs Physical is like Day vs Night. ONLY Light can dispel Darkness. Everything else is futile… Great teachings Mel!

  5. Wow. This article is so helpful. You give good advice. Just finished reading your book You Can Thrive after Narcissistic Abuse.

  6. So on point. Very enlightening. This helps me keep focused on the most important things. Thank you.

  7. Great article!
    I’ve read it, and will pass it on to a friend of mine who doesn’t have access to the internet but does have a phone. I hope she’ll be able to get out soon, and will be welcome in my house when she does.

  8. I struggle with this issue a lot. My father and sister are narcissists. They are my family, but I have always felt abandoned by them. It’s hard to grow up with a family of narcissists, to love them and yet be narcissistically mistreated by them. I’ve spent a lifetime dealing with the grief and loss I feel when they return my love with abuse and smearing. My narcissistic sister smears me continuously and viciously -this is the little girl that I grew up with and took care of. I think my feelings of grief are a way of mourning what can never be in our relationship, and the beginnings of letting go of them. I recently refused to be triggered by my sister screaming in my face, and responded calmly. This was so hard to do, but I remembered Melanie discussing this and I tried it. My refusal to respond with any emotion immediately defused her screaming rage and since then, she has not wanted to speak to me at all. It works. I feel lately as though I am separating from their craziness and honoring myself. I still feel the grief of the loss of my family. The people who are my father and sister were never authentic, empathetic people. What I grieve for is probably what I wished and thought they were, which they never can be.

    1. It’s so hard to do.!! I completely 100% understand.!! When I was 17, my brother punched me in the face and when I went to hit him back, my dad grabbed me by my hair and hit me “you don’t ever put your hands on your brother”. I was the family scapegoat until I went no contact. Sometimes, as painful as it may be, going no contact is the ONLY way.!! You have to choose yourself because these mentally ill people are exactly that: mentally ill. You don’t have to subscribe to their narrative, honey. You’re strong and you’re worth more than they will ever be able to see

  9. Dear Melanie, I guess there are coincidences that just expose the spiritual dimension of this war. Yesterday night I came home to my two youngest children after their weekend with dad. I found them physically and emotionally exhausted. They had been physically and emotionally abusing each other, prompted by their dad’s request that they be « perfect » for the blessed two days they were lucky enough to spend with him. They were also high jacked and guilt tripped when he told them that he couldn’t fathom why I now hated him so much. That he also longed for things to go back to the way they were. So I asked my daughter if she was feeling unsafe (she burst into tears and said yes). I told her we would start therapy to support her this week. I told my son that I understood that he was scared and that this feeling was making him aggressive. I told him that was ok but that we would work together on steps we could take to help him direct his aggression towards non-living things.
    Later I had a calm chat with my daughter, she wanted to know how « bad » it could have been between her dad and me that I was consistently avoiding contact. I simply told her that she didn’t need the reasons, she needed to know that I was unable to live with dad any longer, but that I didn’t hate her dad. She told me she had first thought our separation would only last a few weeks until I « gave in » (her words). I answered calmly that I would not go back. She was relieved.
    I did not seek to communicate with my ex, I know all of his behavior has little to do with us and everything to do with trying to get a reaction from me through his neglect and manipulation of the children. I didn’t give him that. The important part of this is that for the first time I was not triggered and kept shame at bay.
    Then I read this article this morning and it is all so true, so very simply true!!
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart

    1. Hi Pauline,

      I love that you were able to see the ploy and choose solidness and love for you and your children’s lives instead.

      This is beyond powerful. Well done.

      Sending you and healing to you and your children

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  10. Thanks so much for this article dear Melanie.
    You are always on point.
    T is like you know my situation here with my narcissistic husband.
    But all is well with me now.
    All these above points are true.
    I am grateful to have joined you dear.
    Kind regards
    Patience

  11. Dear Melanie I have been jumping in and out of your blogs for a long while now, but I know the truth really and that’s only because your emails are always popping into my mail box, I am truly grateful for that.
    Reading them makes my ‘revolving door’ situation Crystal clear. He’s a nasty piece of work , but changing me is what’s really hit home so I’m ready to start the full course and I am secretly looking for somewhere else to live , I have asked for help with housing as I have nothing, but that’s ok because it’s better than the mad twisted dark fairy tail I live in now. Thank you so very much for keeping your emails coming they have literally saved my life and for once I don’t mind admitting that in public thank you Melanie.

  12. I am so grateful to you. I have lost my children to a narcissist ex partner. Your articles are helping me so much to understand what I need to do & to trust the process. Thank you Melanie.

  13. Thank you so much Mel,

    You know the situation so accurately, where no one else gets it like you do. I’m doing my best to follow 100 percent.

    After 10 years of getting out momentarily (control wise), and fully geographically, I have to commit, however counterintuitive it feels.

    How not to be triggered with violent threats against your most precious child, I find virtually impossible. Please help with this one.

    Your emails are always arriving just at the right time. Thank you for being a great light.

    1. Hi ENPB,

      I’m so pleased that this resonates with you and please know how welcome you are.

      ENPB the way to not be triggered is NARP, far and away the only solution I know that can give you your power back – with the unthinkable (which N always does, including with our children).

      Are you on NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ? If so are you reaching out in the NARP Forum for coaching and support with this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member ?

      That is the way to your breakthrough, for you and your child. I hope that this help and sending love and healing to you both.

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  14. Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for another interesting article. One statement that resonated with me in particular was this: ‘I had previously believed that other people GAVE me my identity.’ I also thought that, until recently, without really being aware of it. I truly believe it’s an idea that used to ‘float around’ in society as part of the culture, not only referring to external markers like ethnicity or social group, but to inner characteristics like being worthy and valuable as a person (I’m around 60, northern European). I’m not a historian, but my intuition is that history could provide a lot of context here. No wonder we absorbed that belief as part of the personal ‘rule book’.

    The wonderful thing, in the development of society, I mean, is that taking charge of your own ‘inner landscape’ is becoming a normal thing for ordinary people. It’s like a democratization process, no need to wait for leaders to tell you how you should think and feel. Your work, Melanie, is definitely a part of that, as I see it. It works for me and a lot of other people too, obviously.

    Thank you again.

  15. Melanie, thank you thank you! This article hits home for me. When I first started your program, I will be totally transparent: I didn’t think it would really work. I thought that it would just help me get through the situation, but I was still going to have to control things from the outside and ultimately influence these outside sources that were abusing me by proxy.
    I was wrong. Your program does work and exactly how you say it does, from the inside out. This concept was new to me, but I did the healings because I wanted to at least see if it would change anything. At first I did the healings from a totally logical standpoint, but after awhile I started actually feeling and actually releasing. Sometimes I would cry (something that I was taught as a child was shameful). Sometimes I would feel fear all over my body, that I would gently release.
    Yesterday, I can honestly say I was not triggered by the narcissist’s antics. They critiqued me and put on display all the ways in which I could be better. Typically, this would send me into a rage and make me feel sad and insecure. I didn’t feel that yesterday. I felt grounded in who I am. My day went smoothly as I just didn’t feed into giving them any energy. I felt free for the first time in years.
    This feeling that I am having of solidness, that is just starting to creep into my life feels more valuable than having a 1000 bucks in my hand. I don’t know if I am explaining this well but all I can say is I “get it”. I get what you are saying.
    Thank you for your support and guidance!

  16. Dear Melanie,
    I have been in an on-off with a stereotype Narc for 3 1/2 years, and although he lied to me really big time (including having a brain tumor operation without leaving any scars, so You know what I mean with BIG lies), I loved him so much that I forgave him again and again and we didn’t mention the lies anymore. God knows how many times he has blocked me during all this time.
    A couple of weeks ago he told me again of a Business Trip abroad which he couldn’t prove and when I brought it up again as a condition for us to meet up again, he angrily told me that he had finally enough of m pathological mistrust which destroys everything, he will never prove any more anything to me and the blocked me everywhere. Obviously I was devastated again and I really really need to know from You:
    After all of those big lies, many businesses trips included, is it not my right to get proof of him going/being somewhere? Would not every normal person ask for photos etc?
    Why do I feel stupid now for having made this a condition for us to meet up again? But I ambit controlling, am I? 🤔

    1. Dear Astrid,

      No, you are not being controlling – you are being gaslit into thinking you are!

      It is perfectly normal to ask as you have done, the problem is that narcissists are not normal people. They don’t think like normal people and they don’t behave like normal people, and there is nothing that you can do to change them. They are pathological liars – they cannot deal with the truth. It’s like Melanie says, they operate in the shadows and cannot survive in the light, so you won’t ever get truth from them.

      As crazy as it may seem, him blocking you is the best thing he could have done: it’s classic narc behaviour, but he’s given you the space to quietly walk away.

      Those of us who are the victims of these people, need to learn that there are good people in the world, and we deserve to be in healthy supportive and trusting relationships. But in order to get there, we need to heal our inner wounded self, as I have discovered through the NARP process.

      Sending you love and light and wishes for your healing.

      1. Dear Karena,
        Thank You so much for Your encouraging reply.
        I know now what I have been lacking all that time with my Narcissist: a support group, people who understamd me. Cause “normal” people have no understanding what I have been going through. I have dealt with it alone and that was a mistake. Big one.
        Lots of Love, Astrid

  17. Thank you Melanie! Your article gives me so much strength as I find myself in a new court battle with the father of my children. I needed to start it as he still owes me money for our property we used to own. I also need full custody to organise my children’s affairs better (for administrative reasons only) as we live in separate countries. The father had told our children I’m trying to stop them from seeing him and block his connection with them! He had gotten them to write letters for the court to say they didn’t want that! I was trying to keep the children completely out and unaware of what’s happening between me and their father. Coming up to the summer holidays the father booked the wrong dates for the kids return and is blaming me for not being “flexible” when I ask him to change the dates back to the ones we had AGREED to. The manipulation, gas lighting and blame shifting that goes on still, 5 years after separation and divorce is exhausting. I know this person would not be able to affect me anymore personally, but when he uses our children as pawns in his game, it is so heart breaking…

  18. This is amazing. I had to read this since i am recovering from a narc’s smear campaign in my future in-law family. Without getting to spend much time with them, a peer in my partner’s family went on a smear campaign behind my back, going before me and telling them that i was x,y,z… greedy, gold-digging, racist, narcissist, addict, mentally unwell (all the things that she was, actually…)
    I at first reacted and became the crazy person she made me out to be. And then i realized i was being manipulated and started finding help against Narc abuse online. Thankfully, i have been living out these steps above and overcoming it. Reading this was very affirming to the healing which i am currently undergoing. I trust myself, i trust myself, i trust myself… thank you for affirming this healing journey <3

  19. Dear Melanie,
    Thank you again very much for the right words in the right time! I am so thankful to the world for conecting me to your work! And now it is the time to take back my identity from everyone to whom I have given it.
    It’s just IS!
    Bless You, Agnieszka

      1. My friend shared your article with me as she recognised that it reflected how I have responded to my ex. Most importantly, I have established zero/minimal contact since our separation several years ago, despite having children together. It worked well for me until the children decided to move schools and relocate to live with him on the cusp of teenagehood. Without causing drama I let them go. As predicted, I am witnessing slow conditioning and only hope that during their contact with me I can de-condition them and teach the difference between opinion and fact. We have a good relationship despite unsuccessful attempts to alienate. I am also primed to report any safeguarding concerns should they arise. Whilst full of stress and anxiety about their futures, I read your article. What struck me was that I was holding on to expectations for them, having worked very hard to role model good values and behaviour. Then a miracle happened. I received a phone call from their school (I had weeks previously shared my concerns with them by email – factual and business-like as you describe in your article). I was able to state more key facts and effectively hand my burden over to them. The children are happy and there are good people looking out for their safety and wellbeing. I am at peace and the truth will be exposed while I sit back and watch. The children always have a place of peace here with me if they choose, and I feel confident that I have given them wings to fly. Thank you for validating my journey.

  20. Ok, so I wanted to add one more comment. I noticed that I have different triggers. I was able to stay calm and empowered when the narcissist critiqued me. I feel totally detached from what they think about me. However, the other day, I noticed I am still triggered when the narcissist is hurting my loved ones. My loved one was sick and the narcissist refused to acknowledge my care and concern. They completely acted like it was “no big deal” that my loved one was suffering and I was seeking care for them. They proceeded to talk to me in a nasty demeanor and discount any concerns I may have. Not to mention it was obvious they didn’t give a hoot how sick my loved one became. This triggered me! I started to think how I may not be able to get help because this narcissist was blocking me from doing so. I started to just become so annoyed with them and how they seem to pry into every aspect of my life to exploit me and my loved ones. This was a wound of unfairness. Something I am currently turning in to heal. Just wanted to share, how one day you can have a triumph and you heal certain wounds/triggers. And the next day you can have a new trigger revealed to you that is not yet healed. Staring to love my journey, the ups and the downs and the self exploration. So looking at it like this: this narcissist just helped uncover another wound I need to heal. sending you all my blessings, wish you all well.

    1. Yes Molly,

      just more to heal Dear Lady!

      Here is the thing with N’s – they will go for any way to trigger you.

      They feed off people’s negative emotions – that’s the only reason they do it.

      For us it grants us the total ability to heal up, come home to ourselves and completely detach.

      N’s become Not Our Reality!

      You are doing great!

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  21. Hi Melanie,
    I am so grateful for your articles. I was with my Husband for 23 years and I finally fled last year. I have an autistic child and I have been reading everything you write. I cannot tell you the wisdom of your words and the solace they bring to be believed by at least someone. He refuses to pay support and I am headed into court proceedings that he is forcing on me. He has taken everything from myself and my child. I sadly cannot afford your program although I desperately want to take it so please keep doing your blog so I have something to hang onto.
    Thank you again as there are really are no words for my gratitude.

    1. Hi Sherry,

      thank you for writing in and I am sending love and healing to you and your child.

      Please know that we offer sponsorship to those who can’t afford NARP, as we don’t wish to deny it from those in need, who dearly wish to participate.

      If you wrote to my beautiful team at [email protected] they can help you with this process.

      I hope that this can help you

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

  22. Narcissists are indeed very skilled at selling their version of “reality” to anyone who will listen. Their goal is to isolate their victim, and they often succeed because the people around them cannot see through them and cannot fathom the levels of manipulation that a narcissist will descend to 🙁

  23. I honestly don’t know how I would have got through all of this without your advice. I’m still in it and learning from you every day. I read the comments and see how others are suffering too…. some have had their children removed. My battle is different… I’m stage 4 and the lack of compassion is a constant betrayal. He was lovely when I had money. Bless you Mel. Million thanks

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