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Narcissists are highly skilled at making you agonize over the silent treatment by rendering you invalid, invisible, and totally redundant.

Being switched off and treated like you don’t even exist, after everything you’ve done for this person, is devastating. Don’t I know it!

If you have also felt these feelings of despair, betrayal, and the intense panic of being discarded in this way – or if you’ve had enough of the waiting around for days, weeks or even months before this person suddenly wants to talk again – then this Thriver TV episode will be very helpful.

So, how do we know how to respond to the silent treatment? Watch the video or read the blog to find out β€” I’ll teach you exactly what to do.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I want to explain to you why all narcissists use the silent treatment and what you can do to not be abused by it when they do.

If you’re new to my YouTube channel, please remember to like, and subscribe, and share these videos with people who they can help.

I’m going to start off today’s episode with the silent treatment disclaimer, because you need to know this. Before we jump into what narcissists do, I want to help you all get very, very clear about what silent treatment means, because I know that a narcissist is going to accuse you of doing silent treatment. They say it all the time, and when we pull away from an abusive other, and do No Contact, that’s not us doing silent treatment to them. That’s an act of looking after ourselves so that we can heal.

This is about self-love. It’s not an act to abuse, another.

Narcissists do silent treatment to punish you. They do it to traumatize you, and also, to make you capitulate and submit to their will.

 

What Silent Treatment Is All About

Let’s look at what the silent treatment with narcissistic abuse is all about.

It’s about rendering you invalid. That’s the foundation of it, and it’s really ironic that narcissists dish out to you with silent treatment, the one thing that horrify them the most, which is about being unimportant, insignificant, and invalid.

Narcissists know that being ignored or stonewalled with silence drives people crazy, and a narcissist loves to drive you crazy because it grants them the upper hand of them being able to say, β€œLook at you, you’re crazy, you’re the problem, you’re the abusive one.” That’s the first reason why narcissists use silent treatment, but let’s move on because that’s only the beginning.

Narcissists do silent treatment to avoid accountability. Because according to the narcissist, he or she is superior and you’re inferior. You don’t deserve any explanation, you don’t require any communication, communion, or resolution regarding your issue with the narcissist or what he or she has done that concerns you.

The narcissist is amoral, please know that. A narcissist knows that they lie. They know they manipulate, exploit, and steal. They know they twist facts and they know they make choices and pretend to be nice to get deals brokered in their favour at other people’s expense.

Or, they know that they are totally unreasonable in their treatments of others because things weren’t going their way. It’s just what they do, but they don’t care about doing the wrong thing to other people. They only care if their particular agenda doesn’t get fulfilled, or if people wake up and they get exposed. You trying to expose the narcissist by confronting them is abhorrent to them.

They may enjoy the circus of projecting, triggering you and demeaning you or abandoning you when you do that. So, you come at them and you want accountability – they’re going to spin it back on you – that is narcissistic supply.

But one of the greatest ways that they can hit you with punishment is to simply abandon you. When you try to confront and get accountability, they go missing, they take themselves off maybe into another room, they sleep on the couch, or maybe they leave the house altogether.

Maybe, the narcissist will go missing for days or longer and not answer any of your calls or messages, or maybe they even block you. This is classic silent treatment. Let’s get really real about this because even when the narcissist is arguing back at you, when they’re changing the subject and they’re twisting and turning, and they’re playing tit for tat, and they’re bringing up things that you did ages ago, that you thought were all resolved and over, all of these things that they do to deflect scrutiny – they’re still being silent because they’re being silent about the real topic.

They’re not staying topical and focused on what’s required to be resolved. They don’t want to talk about that. They’re silent about that, and therefore, there’s no rebuild of trust in the relationship at all, and they don’t care.

 

Silent Treatment After Narcissistic Injury

When a narcissist suffers a narcissistic injury that’s another time that they do the silent treatment – a narcissist can go silent for no apparent reason. So, it’s not even something you’ve done or maybe it is, or maybe it’s not, but they’ve suffered a narcissistic injury.

What happens is they go moody, and sullen, and quiet. They detach and they withdraw, and of course, you’re stuck getting anxious because you’re thinking, β€œWhat have I done wrong?” And the narcissist, if you try to inquire or say something like, β€œIs there something wrong?” well, then they could even become more sullen and withdrawn or they can deflect and become nasty. Of course, you’re wondering what’s coming next.

When a narcissist withdraws, it really does feel like there’s an ominous dark cloud that affects everyone. They can even abandon you again at these times, especially if the narcissist knows that this hurts you. As far as he or she is concerned, if they’re feeling angry, if they’re suffering some kind of insult to their ego or something didn’t go their way and they’re triggered and they’re feeling moody and angry, well, they believe that you deserve to be hurting as well.

This, for a narcissist (sadly, because they have such a fragile Inner Identity) is an every day possibility. They could be wonderful one moment, and then all of a sudden, they’re sullen and angry and they go silent. It’s because they have such an insecure self-identity.

It’s also because they have such monstrous expectations of things having to be exactly the way they want them to be. Narcissists are often going to be triggered, angry, and depressed because life just doesn’t work out like that.

The narcissist may, at this time of going sullen and silent, need only one slight excuse to kick the cat, which will be you. Projecting their anger all over you, and this will often come shortly after an unexplainable bout of silent treatment, especially when you’re trying to confront the narcissist and find out what’s going on.

 

Silent Treatment As An Excuse To Get New Narcissistic Supply

The next reason that narcissists do silent treatment is awful, it’s so painful, and it’s to toggle new narcissistic supply. Narcissists, you need to know, they’re always firmly looking out for themselves. The thought of consideration for others is not what motivates them. It’s not even really a passing consideration unless there’s some payoff for them. There’s no loyalty to anybody else other than serving the narcissist’s true master, which is their False Self, which is a fictitious construct of the ego that has to continually feed their superiority.

The silent treatment is a powerful opportunity for a narcissist to metaphorically β€œeat away from home,” which means to seek narcissistic supply outside of the relationship, which can include sexual supply. The narcissist may be grooming somebody else to prepare for abandoning their life with you and transferring to new supply.

Narcissists often hedge their bets while the cracks are happening, and things are breaking down. They are already getting their next drug dealer set up, the next person who they can parasite off, get a roof over their head, get provided with sex and attention and significance, and tell them how wonderful they are.

By the time you are experiencing the silent treatment, the cracks have well and truly appeared in your relationship with this person. And if you are challenging the narcissist, their cover is being blown. If you are damaged and breaking down, this means there is much less that the narcissist can extract from you, or maybe the full extraction of your resources has pretty much already taken place and possibly you are so traumatized and sick that you are going to start requiring care from the narcissist, which, of course, is disgraceful to him or her.

You’re there to be mined and exploited, how dare you expect care and energy from them. The narcissist will bail out because, now, the narcissistic supply, which is the parasiting of the energy, attention, and resources from you, is getting low and they can disappear, disconnect, contact, and maybe even block you, especially if you’re trying to demand their attention, care, and remorse, which of course is really normal for you to do that.

The truth is, you are the host, they are the parasite. The narcissist has no energy of their own to grant you, and if you aren’t supplying them with what they want, then they’re going to need another host. So, there may be a period in the silent treatments of moving between you and new supply.

So, how it goes is disappearing, silent treatment, and then they may reappear. And awfully, often this is to buy time to get their ducks in a row, and you can be sure that the narcissist is already setting things up, including financially, with the bank accounts, and they’re doing things to benefit themselves at this time to get ready for the final discard so that they can feather their nest regardless of the cost to you. It’s horrible.

 

Silent Treatment As The Ultimate Discard

The ultimate discard has happened to so many people. It’s especially painful for you if you’ve spent years or even decades with a narcissist. After supplying them with your love and your loyalty, such as raising the children, making sacrifices, giving up your job, supporting their businesses, and of course, coping with their narcissistic behaviour for decades. A narcissist, once they have secured new supply, has the ability to cut and run like you never existed.

It’s akin to an actor leaving one movie set, throwing the script in the bin, picking up a new script, and changing studios. It really is that cut and dried. You no longer serve a purpose, therefore, the narcissist decide you no longer exist to them and their new life now has their full attention.

Of course, you are devastated to experience that the narcissist is not offering any explanation, will grant you no closure, isn’t giving you any form of compassion, and the narcissist, possibly, won’t even return your calls. He/she won’t deal face to face, and simply starts processes with a solicitor, expecting a big chunk, if not all of the spoils and carries on with their life, with a new partner, with family and friends and even your children, like you never existed. The horror of being discarded like yesterday’s garbage after years of service and devotion is unspeakable.

So, is it guilt that causes the narcissist to cut themselves off from their previous spouse and sometimes even their families and go completely silent? No, it’s not about guilt. The narcissist has their own self-serving justifications for doing what he or she is doing, and the ex-spouse has already been degraded and reduced in value in the narcissist’s psyche to somebody who needs to be dispensed of – totally confirming the narcissist version of things. It really is that cruel and callous.

How is the narcissist capable of this, doing silent treatment at really any level, but especially that level? The reason is, because he or she is black and white. You are either providing the False Self (which is a narcissists’ true master) what it wants, or you are not. If you are, you are worthy of them sticking around, and mind you, that can also be your trauma and you’re fighting with them. That’s also narcissistic supply.

But when it all gets too much and you are not providing the right narcissistic supply, then the narcissist realizes that as far as the False Self is concerned, you need to be replaced. And you may think – which is normal -that it’s because of something you’ve done or because you’ve failed.Β  Of course the narcissist will have you believe this, but it’s not the truth.

This relationship was never about your needs or wanting a true love partnership; much less about acknowledging that you are somebody who deserves this. And it’s no different eventually with the new partner, because the same cycle happens to them. The narcissist is a black hole, they can’t be appeased and they’re not going to stop siphoning out individuals until there’s no more to get, and then they are discarded and replaced.

Silent treatment cruel discards are very, very common in narcissistic relationships. They do it to long-term people and they do it to short-term relationships. And either one can cause you to be reeling, absolutely reeling, of course.

 

How To Survive The Silent Treatment?

So, how do you survive and heal from this? This is done by using space and silence from the narcissist to your advantage. There’s only one truth to this, to heal and recover, which means you’re going to have to detach, pull away, and heal in order to escape this life, which is destroying you.

This is about meeting and healing those vulnerable parts inside us, which feel unworthy of love, which feel invisible, invalid, and unimportant. When you do this, you can heal them up to fill these spaces with your own love and deservedness and wholeness, where you no longer feel hooked into a False Self, trying to get the love and approval that they never had the resources to grant you.

I’d love to offer you my free two-part Masterclass, which explains all of this in great detail to help show you how this can be done for real.

I hope that this has explained why they’re doing this to you, and I hope that this has given you hope that you can get out of this torture and recover. Check out the two-part Masterclass, it’s going to help you so much and it’s totally free.

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30 thoughts on “Why All Narcissists Use The Silent Treatment

  1. Hi Melanie!
    Thank you for this amazing article! πŸ€” Were you possibly channeling the last few years of my life with the narcissist as you wrote this? Or is all of this true with every narcissist on this planet? πŸ€”
    Of course, I know you weren’t channeling anything about my life but you certainly nailed it when it comes to describing and detailing the crazy life we (and I) live and have lived with a narcissist.
    OMG! I’ve experienced and gone through just about everything that you mentioned today! Wow! 😱
    After listening to you for nearly 5 years now and trying my best to apply and live the principles of NARP I shouldn’t be surprised or amazed when I hear or read things from you but this one, today, this article, really intrigued and surprised me.
    I remember receiving the “silent treatment” when the narcissist was doing all of her “back door “manipulations financially, business wise etc. in the few months before she discarded me. I got the silent treatment during her adultery phase. Interestingly in the years leading up to the discard I hardly knew where she was going or where she was staying when she didn’t come home…
    There is so much more but it’s not worthwhile mentioning. These different “epochs” in my life were, needless to say, very painful tmes….
    Those, unfortunately sad times, were incredibly difficult to go through. But, the worst of all was the silent treatment that I received from her when I tried my damnedest to express my concerns and thoughts about life’s meaning, spiritually and otherwise. It was about the same “reciprocation” one gets from speaking to a bowl of Jell-O….
    It was obvious to me after a while that she didn’t care or simply didn’t understand or, more than likely, had another agenda when it came to real human engagement….what I was about, cared about, thought about and felt about was not important therefore no “Reciprocal exchange of ideas, feelings, etc.” rarely ever took place because she was silently immersed in her own selfish life….
    I sure am thankful that you are able to explain these things to us in such ways that people like me can understand and take in what you are teaching. This particular topic is of paramount importance to me as it’s something I’ve never really quite been able to understand. I haven’t been able to understand how she could be so brutally cold and do the horrible things she’s done and continues to do…. and do these things with the mentality of a “sniper”! (That’s a military term!)
    I got a very clear glimpse today of what that means and to tell you the truth it’s a little scary but that’s OK because it’s the truth and the truth is what I need to see and understand even though it’s sometimes awkward to accept…
    Again, thank you so very much for this article!
    On a sidenote! I don’t quite understand how you are able to do all of this stuff that you do. You’ve been riding around in a motorhome and you have Instagram and you have blogs and you have YouTube etc. etc……You must have a deep love for humanity to be able to do all of what you do and if that’s so, thank you, Melanie Tonia Evans for everything and being on this planet….
    I can say this, unequivocally, because I’ve lived a while on this earth, now, and for certain before this particular life, that…. “you are a gift to humanity….β€οΈπŸ¦‹β€οΈ”
    I continue to feel gratitude for having come across your teachings…..
    Much love and many blessings to you and the very best to you on your continuing journey!
    Thank you so much, Melanie! πŸ•Š

    1. Hi Peter,

      narcissists are so consistent in who they are – and commonly alike it is spooky!

      I love that this has helped explain this more deeply to you Peter. And that this will help free you even further.

      Thank you for your lovely words. To answer your question, I have a fantastic team who do a huge amount of the heavy lifting for me – I also have Glenn who drives while I write and work and helps me with the filming of videos.

      Plus I love my work – it is not work to me … apart from waking up at 3am with live lessons with my Thrive, SuperThrivers and Dating Bootcamp students … I’m all good!

      (Even then I don’t mind!)

      Much Love to you Peter

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  2. Melanie, THANK YOU!
    Thank you for being an angel.
    I feel alone during times of despair and then receive your emails as a gift from the universe and know things will be okay. I am not crazy, your are describing my situation and hate that so many of us have to endure the torture of a narc.
    Keep Making your videos and writing your blogs.
    Sending my love to you and anyone experiencing heartache.

    1. Hi Melanie , thank you so much for explaining this horrible treatment a narcissist doles out. One thing I found was around the confusion it brought with it. When it first started I wasn’t sure if he was blanking me , as if we were out and met neighbors he would be so kind to me and I would start doubting myself , then he would blank me again. Does your head in for sure. So lucky to be out of it after 20 years. I am so glad you have found happiness 😊

      1. Hi Mary,

        It’s my pleasure.

        This is so painful!

        Thank you and I’m thrilled that you are out of this now.

        Sending you love and healing

        Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

    2. OMG this is so spot on I cant even… the moody attitude out of the blue, when literally nothing was wrong 5 minutes before! This happened every night. I got tired of asking “what’s wrong?” and knowing that something was about to blow up. FOR NO REASON. Walking on eggshells all the time. Like where did that amazing fun person go? Oh right, it was a mask.

  3. Wow so true. Thankyou for clarifying this.
    My husband has not talked to me for three years. At first I was upset but I have learnt that self care is not selfish and I am enough just as I am.
    Now I just ignore his childish behaviour like you ignore a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.
    I am finally so glad he doesn’t talk to me. When I do “something wrong” (according to him) I think, ‘oh well, not like he’s going to say anything’
    I have a close connection with my teenage children who can also see his ridiculousness so we are just getting out ducks in a row to get the hell out of here.
    I hope he has been finding someone else and leave us alone.
    Thanks for your ongoing support.

  4. Thanks for this video! Going through this exact situation right now and at first I was devastated and taking it out on myself! Now that he’s trying to come back no thank you!! I feel much better now.

  5. Melanie,
    This transcript was spot on!! You have explained the silent treatment and behavior from the Narcissist so clearly. They will never be able to be in a healthy relationship with anyone.
    Thank you for the great read.

  6. You have described exactly my experience, down to the very last detail. EXACTLY. It’s amazing, these abusers really are following a script. It’s so painful, but realizing what script-followers they are should help me realize that what he did had nothing to do with me or anything I did. It was all about who he was, it was just his nature.

  7. I don’t know if I was involved with a narcissist or not but the pain of it all sure sounds familiar. What’s interesting to me is the man I had been involved with for the last 8 years told me when I met him going through his divorce that his ex was a narcissist. He described how she could be nice to everyone else but not to him and the kids and how she picked on them relentlessly. His ex ended up marrying within a year of his divorce after a long 20 year marriage with him which I always felt was cold hearted so I believed he was telling the truth about her. He insisted that she was a Christian as is he and there was no way she could have known her new husband prior to their divorce. I thought he was too fragile or weak at the time to tell himself what would have been obvious to most people. He had so much anger and resentment toward her back then though that eventually sorry to say got transferred to me. The last couple of years he really started more openly and directly behaving as the ex he once described to me, picking on me relentlessly, even bringing up suspicions of what I might have done while I was a teenager and I’m in my 60’s now. How crazy is that? No, he didn’t want to know that I was a straight A student or that I started working when I was just 15 years old, as he was sure there were some dark shameful secrets, he insinuated, with young guys I was hiding that he could never get over. What? Nothing made sense to me the way his mind worked when he became crazy like that. He could be so sweet one minute and so dark the next. We could have the best time imaginable and within days he was depressed over something that he perceived was wrong with me again. Long story short he dumped me with a text, quite cruelly after all we had been through together, and blamed it on God. Yes, it was God’s will. He couldn’t even take responsibility for his own choices. He professes to be a man of God, goes to church, reads the Bible but has disdain and hatred for differences in others, especially if they do not follow the rules, what he perceives as the “right” way to do things. Because I had a long complicated divorce to get through he felt it was his right to treat me like crap. He had no compassion for how hard it was for me to work my way out of financial dependence after many years as a stay at home mom. He didn’t take pride in what I was able to accomplish as a normal healthy man would have. To him I took too long so obviously all the obstacles I faced were my doing, my fault. He has 3 grown children with his ex yet they never speak. Is that a big red flag? My ex and I are cordial and behave as mature adults interacting as needed on behalf of our 2 sons though we had a difficult marriage too. He hates that! He seems to believe we should be at odds with each other for the rest of our lives as he and his ex are. As Melanie described he gave me the silent treatment repeatedly, even blocking me, only to reappear time and time again as if nothing had happened. I don’t live anywhere near him now so he can’t easily weasel his way back into my new life, which is filled with family and friends who truly do care about me and show it to me daily. I’m sure he must have hated that too and now he is out there somewhere hunting for his next source of supply to feed his wounded ego. So sad that such people waste such precious time clueless about what really matters in this short lifetime….

  8. Such a great post! Describes everything so clearly and so exactly. It’s devasating and chilling when you realise what is going on with the silent treatment and the discard, but through Melanie’s work I’ve spent the last three years rebuilding and am coming out the other side. Keep going! You will rise above it all! Courage and strength to everyone who needs it today! xxx

  9. Reading this makes me wonder if I may be a narcissist. I have gone into silence because I know there is no use talking or trying to describe my feelings any more because I know it will just escalate into him yelling, walking away and not talking for a couple of days. I actually find the silence to be a relief as I know I won’t have to hear his voice for a while. In a previous marriage, I’ve also been known to book a night or two at a hotel or spa just to get away after an argument and give me time to think and relax without interruption. So, does using these two tactics make me narcissistic?

    1. Hi Donna,

      Please know that what you are describing is an act of withdrawal to take care of yourself.

      This differs greatly to purposefully punishing another.

      Ultimately going No Contact with a narcissist is about loving ourselves enough to say “no more” to the abuse.

      I hope that this helps clarify.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  10. Thank you for this very important message, Melanie. It especially resonnated with me. My ex used to give me the silent treatment, leave the house, not discuss anything when he came back hours later. I always was the one to work to get him to talk to me. Only once did he actually contact me, after a week, and said, “Are you done being mad?” No accountability, again!!! All this is such a bad memory but one that I’m glad I lived through because with the help of NARP, one year later, I feel so blessed to be closer to thriving and living my best life. Melanie, you are a healer and your pearls of wisdom are a blessing to us all.

    1. Hi Denise,

      I’m so happy for you that this is now becoming a more distant message for you!

      Congratulations on your beautiful breakthroughs with NARP and thank you for your lovely words.

      Love and blessings to you

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  11. You are a master at putting the narcissistic experience into words, I am so traumatized that I cannot. I read every one of your articles and can identify so deeply that it is frightening. I am trying to financially recover and re-establish income so that I can join your group sessions, believe me I know I need to. I was raised by a narcissistic mother who left raising my 2 younger brothers to me, yes – including financially, and then turned them both against me. Of course I married a narcissist because his behavior felt “normal”, after 14 years and realizing he cared nothing about our daughter with cystic fibrosis I broke free. I experienced 17 years of hard work rebuilding mine and my childrens lives and my narcissistic mother and narcissistic ex-husband didn’t bother me too much because we lived in poverty and I couldn’t feed their needs. So, even though those years were tough, in hindsight now I can see how beautiful those years were because I could not be considered supply for the narcissists. It wasn’t until my children became adults and left the nest and I decided to go to college that the narcissists started coming around again. In hindsight I can see the thinking is “how dare she do something that might elevate her financial standing or her own comfort or that of her children. She must have money we don’t know about.” Well, I didn’t, and I don’t, but I am so accustomed to living in poverty that I borrowed student loans to get educated. Then I paid the student loans off by working two jobs. And of course, while I was busy getting an education while working full time, I was so busy that I did not realize my ex-husband was turning my children against me. When my schedule became lighter and I wanted to spend more time with my daughters they wanted nothing to do with me. The feeling of betrayal, loneliness, and guilt for pursuing my own goals, became too much for me and of course opened me up to vulnerability again, and I became the victim of another narcissist. Fortunately, this relationship did not last too long, only 4 years, but long enough to destroy me financially – again. So, I know I need to heal those bits inside of me that need the validation and acknowledgement for all that I have given. Because I have given to narcissists my sacrifices will never be acknowledged. It is these articles that you write so eloquently Melanie that have turned the lights on for me. I have no contact with my mother for years now, and I am glad for it because I know there is a chance for recovery. I have no contact with my ex husband, except forced contact when my youngest daughter died in 2012 and he took her entire estate even though he ignored her while she was alive and refused to pay child support.
    I have no contact with the last narcissist I dated since 2009, except an attempt to get a restraining order twice which I have learned is futile, they are excellent at playing the courts. I have learned my only recourse is deleting unfamiliar emails and not answering unfamiliar phone numbers. I have become something I never thought could be me, suspicious of everyone. But someday, soon I hope, I can join NARP and participate in self healing and trust that I can discern whom I can trust.

  12. Another lovely article. I am so exhausted now, I can barely write this out. Also, thank you for sharing your mobile van life with your significant other Melanie, loved the photos. Oh, how I’d love to be living a life like that now.
    I do get this article 100%. One of the significant narcissists in my life never wants to talk to me. I practically have to beg them to talk to me, otherwise, I am always getting the silent treatment. And it does drive me nuts at times cuz I just want to talk it out so that we can get past the issue. But this person won’t talk, will storm out of the room, or when they do talk they just blame all problems on me.
    For me, this is the first time I have gone quiet on the narcissists and they don’t seem to like it. I was just so hurt and confused by the whole situation, I wanted time to sort it out. But maybe the people I have distanced myself from think that I am trying to punish them. It is just they won’t talk about anything authentic or real when I do talk to them- so I feel like me not talking to them is the same difference anyways. And I can’t force them to be authentic with me.
    Anyways, I have just being doing task after task for last few days trying to clear up some of the damage that has been done- oh they are so sneaky- they will steal your documents, lie, hack your electronic devices and do all kinds of stuff, that frankly takes hours to clear up. Hence, why I am exhausted. But I am clearing it all up in a kind of cool, calm and collected way. Love this community and thank you all for the support and posts. It does help.

    1. Hi Molly,

      it is true that us going quiet is the only way to preserve our health and sanity.

      This is an act of self-love, saying “no more” to abuse.

      Sending you love, courage and breakthrough.

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  13. Hi Melanie,

    Thank you for this article/video, I have issues with other members in the family that have blocked and refused contact with myself, my husband and one of our sons, due to reasons we found out that were so fabricated and on here say only? WE found this out through our other Son whom she has not blocked and stays in contact with but we are deleted. Its like we died and don’t exist, we have tried to reach out and suggest that we get together and find a way through these issues and correct any wrongs we may have done but It has been 7 months since we have been blocked by my nephews wife and denied any contact with their baby, all based on my nephews wife hearing things from someone that we had said which when we found out what these things were they just were not true, she also advised our Son that my husband would turn up to visit his nephew unannounced and wouldn’t leave when she told him to which is also a complete lie. When I was medically unable to be vaccinated for COVID she blocked me on all social media and my nephew including his brother (my other nephew) stopped contacting us.
    Beyond devastated is the only words I can say. You see…. we part raised our nephews when their parents died. So they lived with us and our boys for 5 years and we have done many family things together like they are our kids for decades now. So its such a massive rejection.
    What I don’t like and find even harder is that my older nephew (not the one married) contacted me for my birthday out of the blue after 6 months when normally he would contact me on a weekly basis. I mean seriously !! how do i handle this situation. I want to ask them why they would treat us like this, but then our Son who communicates with them said just let it be for now. I swing between anger and sadness and acceptance. Its so so hard. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and what you would suggest I do to move forward, should I just send birthday wishes ? when they come up every year – My nephew who is married didn’t contact me at all for my birthday and he had even seen my Son the day before who told him and still nothing !!! Maybe he just doesn’t want to have to deal with it ?? who knows.

    1. Hi Michelle,

      what you have described is so painful.

      The real truth is we are powerless to change other people’s decisions – we can only free ourselves to live our own authentic truth, emotionally, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

      Otherwise, you will suffer.

      Sending big hugs, love and healing to you and your family

      Mel πŸ™πŸ’žπŸ¦‹

  14. Good afternoon Melanie,

    There obviously are not a lot of moves in their playbook but if I did not know that I would have thought you lived with me to know all of this. It is exactly how you explained it a Lil bend and curve here and there, but it is exact. I have come a long way yet I still need help overcoming it. Thank you so much for giving us all this information for free…many of us have been left without. I will continue studying so I can share and understand others but most of all to set up healthy boundaries if I were ever to embark on a new relationship. Thank you ! Thank you! Thank you!

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