Today I want to talk to you about the six most devastating tactics of narcissistic abusers. These are tactics which destabilise you, make you feel like you are going crazy, cause feelings of loss and literally tear your Soul and life to pieces.
These aren’t just “clumsy” tactics or things that accidentally happen, and this is why they are so damaging. These are things that narcissists do because they have no ability to see you as a flesh and blood human being. Rather, you are an object, a tool, to manipulate, mine, exploit and dump their damaged self all over to try to release their unattended-to inner pain.
To add insult to injury, the narcissist is amoral – they believe that they are entitled to do whatever they want to do. They don’t suffer guilt, don’t think that these following six tactics are wrong (unless other people do it to them), and have zero comprehension regarding what has happened to other people as a result of their behaviour. They are only “sorry” if they got exposed or were not able to fulfil their intended agenda.
Let’s start by looking at these six devastating tactics that are narcissism personified.
Tactic Number One – Lying
There are soooo many ways that narcissists lie. They tell you what you want to hear, such as in the Love Bombing phase when they proclaim that they are exactly “who” you are looking for in a relationship, business or friendship sense.
They pretend to care, be attentive, flatter and appear interested in you. This is an act – it’s a lie. It’s a tactic to charm you into getting what they want out of you. People may argue that “everyone puts their best foot forward” yet narcissists take it a BIG step further.
Narcissists, over the years, have bragged on social media about how they question people to find out “what has hurt them or what is missing” and then pretend to fix it or be it – complete with fully feigned empathy and kindness. Narcissists state how easy it is to disarm easy targets who fall for it, trust them quickly and let them in.
Narcissists also lie when they are hoovering you back in for narcissistic supply. They tell you they are sorry, they will do anything to keep you, you are the love of their life, they know there is something wrong with them and they will get help.
Yet, in the time it takes to boil egg and you will see how flimsy this is. If you let a narcissist know that you can’t just flick a switch and believe and trust them, you will see the narcissist’s validation for you disappear. The narcissistic monster appears, “I’m sorry!” they angrily proclaim. “What more do you want from me?” And then come all the accusations about you, and every other defensive madness they want to throw at you.
Narcissists lie with gaslighting tactics – telling you a different reality to what really happened. They may tell you that you did a certain thing when you were intoxicated, that you didn’t, or you said something in your sleep that you didn’t, or that certain people “saw” you do something, but they can’t tell you who that was.
“Why bother with distorting reality?” most people would think. The reason a narcissist does this is to make you doubt yourself, strip you of your sanity and self-esteem, and keep you confused in order to control you. The more powerless you are, the more superior the narcissist feels and the more you can be manipulated to hand over sex, money, resources and whatever the narcissist has decided they want from you.
One last thing about narcissists and lying. They lie about big things, small things and pretty much everything. Narcissists are a False Self, a fictious character having a fantasy life in their own head. They lie to themselves. They twist facts to fit into their narrative of life and believe their own lies. They don’t cover their tracks well with lies. They change their stories and don’t remember the old lies and it’s easy to note the discrepancies in their stories.
Point this out and the narcissist will deny having ever said that! They just double and triple down with more lies!
Tactic Number Two – Isolating You
A narcissist will strip you of your interests and connections outside of them in order to monopolise you and make sure they regulate what they can get from you. This is not a compliment, and it has nothing to do with love – this is about harvesting you and taking your Life Force to feed their own parasitical self.
The narcissist is pathologically envious of you getting any attention, happiness and energy from anything or anyone else other than them. They may kick up a fuss citing that you are selfish, non-caring, non-loving, not to be trusted and conspiring against them. Maybe they feign helplessness or drama or being sick to keep you from escaping their clutches.
The narcissist will discredit the people, friends, contacts and interests around you to such an extent that you will start doubting them yourself, or it just gets too difficult and tense (or even outright abusive) to try to maintain these relationships.
The narcissist will also triangulate and play divide and conquer games, telling you that people are saying things about you and aren’t true friends, or don’t deserve you – yet you may be horrified to find out that the narcissist is telling them things about you to try to make them walk away.
It’s likely you won’t know who to trust!
Nobody is off limits with these types of tactics, as the narcissist may try to isolate you from your nearest and dearest friends, family and even children. This could be manifesting as the result of a brutal smear-campaign against you to others.
The narcissist may be playing the victim, telling people close to you that you are the perpetrator or crazy … stating that you are doing the things that the narcissist is in fact guilty of themselves. Maybe you know this is happening because you have caught him or her out in such a disgraceful and untruthful betrayal.
It’s horrifying that the narcissist “plays” this out so convincingly that they really do believe it themselves.
As the isolation intensifies for you, so does your shame. As time goes on, you become more and more trapped in your enmeshment with the narcissist, losing contact with your support networks.
Tactic Number Three – Cheating On You
Narcissists cheat, emotionally at the very least and very often physically. How can they do this after stating how much they love you and care for you? Because you don’t matter. They are not loyal to you, they are only loyal to their internal False Self.
Narcissists are an empty black hole on the inside always looking for narcissistic supply – ways to stroke and feed their ego and fill up with self-importance. Everybody and everything are tools, mere props to do this with.
Emotional and sexual infidelity is a common way that narcissist’s feed their empty, damaged Inner Self.
A narcissist has to spin (to themselves) a narrative that makes this okay. An example may be as simple as – they walk in the door and you don’t greet them immediately, so they start an argument, walk out the door and go and have sex with someone else – because according to their rationale – you don’t deserve them.
If cheating is discovered, they will tell themselves and others that you are the unfaithful one and drove them to it.
The narcissist may flirt with, get attention from others and start grooming them sexually, telling them how they don’t love you, how you do terrible things to them and so on and so forth. Often in a triangulation situation they are telling you exactly the same thing about the other person, who is their ex, friend, or work colleague. Maybe tragically and horrifyingly this is one of your close friends or even a family member.
They may tell you about this person’s advances and how they told them they are loyal to you, when they were the one instigating this all along. Because you are a kind person who doesn’t want to rock the boat you accept the narcissist’s narrative and don’t investigate and talk to this person. Rule of thumb – what the narcissist tells you is the exact opposite of the truth. It’s likely this person who knows you has been resisting the narcissist’s advances, whilst the narcissist is trying to convince them to give in.
Often when you find out the truth you will look back and think – where there is smoke there is usually fire. A part of you suspected that this was going on, but you just didn’t want to know.
Some narcissists are literal sex addicts – not fussy or particular where they get sex, or from whom, and often don’t use protection. Many a person has suffered awful STD’s from narcissistic partners.
Tactic Number Four – Invalidating You
The sad truth is this – the narcissist does not care about your feelings because they don’t have empathy. They don’t recognise you as a human being, you are an object. Narcissists are abusive; they are entitled, selfish, dismissive, and derogatory. A narcissist steps on your toes by invalidating your existence constantly. You say “ouch” and tell them what they have done is not okay.
No one is perfect and we can all make mistakes, yet people who are empathetic care about other people’s feelings. They can validate that they hurt someone and express that they don’t want to hurt them again.
People who get abused by narcissists are not people who are demanding, selfish and nasty. It’s likely that you are not getting angry about a dish not being washed, a top on a container not being closed properly, or this person not showering thousands of dollars on you lavishly every weekend, or this person being home five minutes late. In other words, you are not some screaming banshee who is always complaining about something ridiculous!
Rather, it is likely that you are upset about highly abusive behaviour. And it’s usual that you have been trained into not having rights or speaking up with boundaries and not valuing yourself. You may have become so numb to bad behaviour, or fearful of inciting more abuse, that the abuse has to be quite significant for you to even react.
If this was happening to someone else, you would immediately recognise it as abuse. Yet, when you try to have a conversation with the narcissist about it, they accuse you of being the abuser – saying it’s you who is argumentative, causing trouble, have it wrong, and can never be pleased.
These are the narcissist’s defence mechanisms, making sure they are not held accountable for bad behaviour. Here is the bottom line – the narcissist protecting their False Self (I am superior and can’t be wrong) is the only marriage the narcissist is committed to.
The False Self wins and everyone else loses and you and your feelings come last.
Tactic Number Five – Discarding You
One of the most shocking behaviours a narcissist will display, is their ability to cruelly discard you like you don’t and never did exist. This is not personal in the sense that you were a “person” to them, you weren’t. It’s simply that the narcissist has decided you are no longer required for narcissistic supply.
This happens for a variety of reasons – they have found fresher more fertile supply that has more to offer than you (in their eyes). This is because they have exhausted you and emptied you out, or you are standing up to them, meaning they have started devaluing you and see you more like an “enemy” now. The new supply is all shiny, idealised and a part of the narcissist’s fantastical version of “look how wonderful you are!” (This happened originally with you too.)
You may say, “But Melanie the narcissist came back and hoovered me!” Yes, they often do, and this is not about “love”, “care” or “missing you” in the terms of you being a “person they miss”. This is only ever about their False Self, their ego and filling the empty void. It’s likely the new supply has pulled away, is out of town, or has challenged the narcissist and now they are toggling you to punish that person covertly.
Maybe the narcissist has suffered the ego injury of you detaching and getting on with your life, and they need to suck you back in to get control of you again – only to set you up for the next cruel discard. The narcissist may come back to you after an extended period of time, because no one else took up their offer at the time of their empty desperate search for a feed!
(Please know it is NO compliment to be hoovered by a narcissist).
One thing is totally for sure, in the “cycle of violence” with a narcissist – idealise (honeymoon period), tension, abuse, discard (or you pull away), reunite (idealise) …. Then back through the cycle again … the abuse and the discards get more frequent and more brutal. If the narcissist had to suck up to you to get back in with you, he or she will not be able to help themselves and will ultimately resort to punishing you for this afterwards. Their False Self is setting you up to exact revenge and hurt you horribly.
A narcissist upon discarding you and replacing you with new supply may rub your face in it – parade this person all over social media and to friends and family – introducing them straight away to the kids and punish you with telling you how bad you are, how wonderful they are, and that this is the love of their life.
They may move in with this person, get engaged and even marry them immediately. The reason is to punish you and to try to prove to themselves and all and sundry that they are the healthy one, you were the defective one and that they are totally capable of creating a real relationship.
Nothing could further from the truth. The narcissist has simply moved their False Self from one “movie set” to the next – as if the old one doesn’t exist. Yet, there is no escaping their own dysfunctions. The new person, sooner or later, is going to go through exactly the same cycles as you did – idealise, all the way to devalue and discard.
Tactic Number Six – Going After What And Who Matters To You
After a discard, a narcissist will usually be invested in completely dishonouring, demonising, and punishing you. This is the narcissist’s vindication that they were right, you were wrong, the relationship was all your fault, they were the victim and you deserve to suffer for all of the horrible things that you supposedly did to them.
As the victim, the narcissist has decided “you owe them”. They firmly believe (within their skewered distorted thinking) that they deserve the compensation of the property, money, your superannuation fund, cars, furniture, the kids and everything and anything else that they can get their hands on.
What is really sick and twisted is they really have convinced themselves of this. The real truth is this is the unfettered tantrum and childish cruel revenge of, “How dare you try to stand up to me or not agree with me or not want me no matter what I did to you!”
What and who you care about are the targets. The narcissist may phone your place of employment with complete and utter lies to get you sacked. If the narcissist does have any “dirt” on you (that you shared in good faith with trust) they could unleash these secrets and send them to people you love to try to destroy your credibility and relationships.
The more you get triggered into despair, rage, or injustice the more this feeds the narcissist’s resolve to keep hurting you – like blood sending a shark into a feeding frenzy. The more you reach out to plead, or try to acquiesce, or through anger fight back or try to expose the narcissist, the tighter and harder the narcissist circles, plots, and strikes.
You are in shock, and so traumatised (understandably) with the horrible violation, threats and even theft of what and who matters to you. It’s completely Soul-shattering.
In Conclusion
When you break it all down like this, is it any wonder that narcissistic abuse feels like a Soul rape? Of course, people come out of these experiences with narcissistic abuse syndrome – symptoms such as Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and so much more.
If you relate to this article, I hope you know you are not alone, all of this has happened to more people than you could ever imagine – and I’m so pleased that you have found your way to this wonderful Thriver Community where we understand because we went through all of this too.
I also want you to have faith and hope that you can heal from this. We have. We know how to for real.
Please know you don’t have to try to recover alone, here we have a global community of people who have not just got free and recovered but are now living their best lives.
If you want to know how to heal from these insane levels of abuse, so that it becomes only a distant memory, I’d love to invite you into my free 2-part Masterclass, where you will discover how this can be your new life going forward as well.
As always, I look forward to your comments and questions.
I have experienced everything you mentioned under each section, and more. Your blogs and videos are exceedingly helpful to me as I begin my long road to recovery. Thank you!
Hi Jim,
I’m so pleased that my information helps!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I have been narcissist free for nearly 3 years now. I still feel I need to validate and remind myself I had no choice to keep my sanity and leave. I left one covert narcissistic relationship for an overt narcissistic relationship and I lost everything twice. And I mean everything. I try to come to terms with “why me” then I read your advice and words and find the strength to know that as thrivers we have a job to do and help others break free and believe. It’s as you say the most horrific experience and takes a long time to recover but can be done. I’m not there yet but will not give in!
Hi Angela,
you may know that I lost everything twice too .. my heart goes out to you!
Are you working with NARP? http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
It is the way through to the other side of this and Thriver Land
Mel 🙏💞🦋
I read this whole blog, I can relate to each and everyone of them and the sad part is all my family and my 2 ex’s and my oldest son practice these traits. But reason I wanted to comment as I am on a journey of my own to recovery. I had an episode with this rather new neighbor I had just recently met. This stupid lady is WAY over the top for me, without going into the crap she “TRIED” to rope me into I was actually proud of myself that yes I was able to spot her out, BUT damn her ..I was late to respond..I know I am getting better because of all the blogs I read I know I am healing and growing but this damn neighbor made me realize I have SOOO much more work to do on my self… but with that said I was able to express to this witch to leave me alone and she was NOT welcome in my home or on my property and also told her she was blocked from phoning or texting me…ONE DOWN! Wish I could have done it sooner, and I pray I can continue to get stronger to battle these people. They come out of the wood work and you never know who or when but now I know or I am starting to spot them more easily ….talk about a narcissistic pandemic!!!!
Hi Mollie,
I have some neighbors like your neighbors… it took me a long time to figure out about one in particular who I now know is a raging crazy ass full blown narcissist…It’s also taken me a while to be able to pinpoint narcissistic personality disorder in people but the more that I study narcissism and listen to our wise elders like Melanie and do NARP I find that my diagnosis and accuracy is so much better! (And, my gosh, is that a huge huge huge help!) It saves me a lot of energy not interacting with people that are not worth while interacting with!
I look back at some of the crap that this lunatic narcissist did to me and how she would badger me and put me in a very uncomfortable emotional state… well, guess what I did which was really hard for me to do! I totally, 100%, gray rocked and went 100% no contact with this person and I think it’s worked…. she hasn’t shown up at my home to scold me or criticize me or put me in my place for almost 3 years now!
Even though some of these narcissistic types of people are very insensitive some of them get the message and this one I think got the message….
I’m so glad that you figured everything out and have taken your position with your narc neighbor! Keep at it and keep going because there is, as Melanie says, “there’s nothing else to do!”…
You outlined my experience exactly…only now, because if your Program, I’m beginning to acknowledge and understand these behaviors. Thank you for your work
Hi Amy,
I am so pleased that NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp has been able to help you so much.
Thrive on Dear Lady!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Sounds like this is a common problem. I had no idea…
Sounds like a long hard journey to recovery…
Yep, you nailed it, totally and succinctly. This is exactly what I experienced, all six categories. It was an unbelievable nightmare. I was so naive! I wish I had had your wisdom to guide me back then. It would have seriously shortened what was a very, very long dark two decades.
I’ve since been all the way through NARP, Thriver and Super-Thriver, and cleared all the confusion away. I see clearly what was going on, and have cultivated lovely self-compassion, reconnected with Source and my True Self, reclaimed my life, and come out the other side. Thank you Melanie, for being our magnificent, wise guiding light!
I’m so happy for you darling Sage,
please know how welcome you are!
Thank you for being a sister Thriver!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Are thriver and super thriver different programes?
Hi Lucille,
yes they are. Super Thriver is a 12-month Love, Health and Wealth Program.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Hi Melanie,
Once again, every one of these “categories” I’ve been through at sometime or another during my marriage to the narcissist! Right now I am going through a huge battle with her…. she wants marital property, money or whatever she can get her greedy hands on. Otherwise she’s lied, cheated, invalidated and demeaned me in court, brutally discarded me, and lastly has made it next to impossible for me to interact in the community…😔 I guess that means isolation but I’m not sure!
It gets very very tiring to be experiencing this after working so hard to make this marriage with her work!
Even though it is exhausting, most days, thankfully, I’m able to push on and do my NARP work…. I’ve created a little game that is fun to play with the modules! I put tiny little cards in a small container with each number on the tiny card of a module and I shake it up and hand pick a number and then read the module and so far it’s really interesting how it works almost perfectly or more than likely all the modules are perfect…..I’m not sure which one but its fun! 🙌😌
Honestly, Melanie, I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for your constant reminders and guidance about what we should do when we’re in this kind of a horrible horrible predicament in our lives! I am so grateful that your words are there in me somewhere reminding me and I’m able to read articles like this and listen to you sometimes on YouTube and check in on Instagram….🙌
Sometimes I read comments where people call you “a lifesaver”….Yup, that’s you, Melanie Tonia Evans! Thanks so much! Thanks for your constant encouragement and simply everything! ❤️🦋❤️
Oh Peter,
big hugs through this tough time.
Stand your ground, have your boundaries and stop participating.
And of course … breathe in and keep healing all that triggers up.
It’s the only way!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Why don’t all therapists and psychiatrists know all this?? When I was divorcing my husband/narcissist, going through hell every single day, child custody battle, smear campaign, parental alienation, diaries stolen and distributed, etc… I had a therapist, a psychiatrist, the court ordered parental evaluator, the child psychologist— NO ONE considered any of the things you talk abt and that I was describing to them!
I was traumatized every day and night for at least 10 years and really, still to this day- 17 years later.
Hi Dandylion,
I don’t know why narcissism is not understood by so many therapists! I go to the VA hospital and there are dozens of therapists that I interact with and participate in groups with and see individually etc. etc. etc.! There’s only one, who had originally worked with the Edgar Casey foundation that understood narcisssism but for the most part, narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder is not even recognized as problematic….
I think that’s why Melanie is here and other people who are trying to help so many of us who have been abused and have endured narcissistic abuse because there isn’t help for this on the outside or in the regular areas that one would seek help….
That’s about all I can figure out! It’s not good! I’m just thankful that Melanie is around to help us! 🙏💞
Miss Melanie,
I left my narcissist about 1 yr ago, however I still see him occasionally. I have also spent the last yr learning about narcissistic abuse thru your articles and videos etc. I can say that I know furst hand that these ppl do exist I never thought it was possible for a person to be so cruel towards another. my problem I have is that even know I am armed with all the knowledge and I am well educated on narcissistic abuse. why do I continue to allow him to play his games and abuse even though we no longer live together it’s like he is a drug I can’t quit. it makes no sense to me. please help me. I feel as tho I’m sick and I need help so I can move on with my life in a healthier way
When I finally, finally had enough of running on ANY narcissist’s hamster wheel, I studied hard the traits (often just to make myself believe it!) and systematically got rid of my religion, my frenemies, my condo and community, and recently moved 2000 miles away to a brand new life, and wish I’d done it 20 years ago! Fortunately, my n.parents have died, and my sibs are good people. I turn 70 in two weeks, and think I have a lot, finally, to celebrate!!
Hi Dandylion,
because they are not taught this.
The systems we have in our world have been “from the mind up” and not in our Being.
We all had the same frustration until finding this way to heal – I can’t recommend it enough.
Sending you love and healing
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Absolutely spot on!…..I recognise all of this behavior,with gusto!
Sadly there is much of this around,in out society.
What actually frustrates me,is the larger community do not recognise this behavior. Especially those who are Godly (,of some form.)Either they dont want to see it or so long as they have been treated nicely by these insidious beings,they dont stand up for others ??… Then go off on their religious life style!!… Pharisees!
Be that as it may,I will not,Do not curtail to such disrespectful behavior,
Underneath all this are very,very fragile beings……
Being separated from the crowd is not such a bad thing “Solitude” is very healing. sometimes comes as a price,but is much nicer than being “taken” advantage of.
DARE TO BE A DANIEL. ❤️. ,DARE TO MAKE IT KNOWN
DARE TO HAVE A PURPOSE FIRM……DARE TO STAND ALONE!!😘😘
Molly,you WILL get stronger and Stronger!! We can ALL get caught out,at times.BUT learning ALL the time💪💪 I know I have!..we are Human.
Thank you Melanie for your writings ……and ,these opportunities to comment and share👏👏
It’s my pleasure Fay,
and thank you so much for your energy, love and particpation.
It is so special!
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Petr.
Once again!! I missed your comment.Seems to take me a while writing !!! Many others flew in after Molly ,or am missing something ??.🙈🙋🙋🙋🙋
You will get through this ,With a Star in your Crown👼😇
Yes! We are so blessed to have an opportunity with Melanie …,through her pain and others it seems we gain…” No pain No gain!!
We are ALL warriors 🙏
That’s so weird! I know I tried sending something to you a few days ago… anyway, it’s always a treat to read your comments! Thanks so much for always being here! And, yup, Melanie and Melanie’s teachings are great! ❤️🦋❤️
Yup, Fay!
I think they’re called spiritual narcissists! I’ve read about that and it’s really creepy!
Every time I read one of these I can’t help but wonder why the behaviors that are described don’t have some Legal consequences for the offenders, then, I realize that it would mean that Once a few such creeps were apprehended for it that they would go on a smearing frenzy so that those whom they abused in the first place would be arrested and made to pay for ” their’ crimes. Plenty more to say about the anger that I feel towards people who act that way but I’m finally tired enough to sleep.
Sorry spelling errors again,Peter!!!…I respectfully want to spell.. Names correctly
Had a detached retina not so long ago,so please pardon my spellling,one and All
So many health issues after leaving a narc,……I do wonder how much ones immune system is compromised???well! i know it is!!!( the stalking has be hard to take) but no contact, walked passed him in the supermarket with my head held high,many things but refuse to acknowledge it him!!!! Lives about an hour away!! Too close..
Thank God the stalking has eased
Like Molly,and you Peter .I have a neighbour ,male,who thinks he can control me.
Swore at me,abusively etc,since then ,I simlpy dont bother with him either.am polite if I run into him,otherwise dont call in to sat thank you for the veggies left on the door step.
One gets so strong ,,,,,,any weakness on my behalf is just abused .No Contact !!!.is the only way to live.Sadly but true..Cannot reason with such like
Dandylion….was so interested in your comment ,re why hasnt this be discovered
before . I believe it has….Its like” when the student is ready,the teacher appears”
However,Was speaking with a social worker,telephoncally…He said Narcissism had increased big time within 18months or so…..and that was about 2 years ago
I accidently came a cross Melanie, and Professors and many others
All have been a learning process.
I particular learn heaps from Melanie because of her emailing regularly with videos, blogs etc and allowing all of us to share our comments…so great,we are not alone😇👏👏👏👏👏
Also for Mel,she puts herself in the position of seeing what is needed through our comments,which is wonderful for all of us
Most times I cant be bothered going thru,what I have had with abuse!! Let sleeping dogs lay!!
SAGE, maybe you werent naive ,just lied to.Because you are a decent humanbeing,these disfunctional narcs love to devour.. NOT YOUR FAULT SAGE.
Thank you ALL dear people…..I wish you well…Looking within and Growing more each day….Much Love and true compassion, xo
Sue
Just a quick comment.
I have been asked why i dont I let the narc wear the legal consequenses.
I cannot be bothered answering “,except it may make matters worse”
Like you im afraid of being the villian!..I know I am not🌹🌹🌹🌹 No one can take my mind,brain and soul AWAY..No one!!!
I am 60 years old man , Working as a doctor , with two successful daughters at their careers , highly educated , I gave all love abd attention and care in addition to their mother who was always caring , loving but since early childhood they never listen , always argue , fighting for what they want and do what the want there is no no in their dictionary , finally I found out my bigger daughter 27 years old has all narcissistic traits and disorders , blame shift , lying , manipulative , no one matter to her , no Freinds last fo long , her sister mainly is her only Freind !!
How can I deal with her and there is any hope to fix her problems!
Hi Moataz,
this is so painful and I feel for you ..
This is a long conversation .. please google my name plus “if my child is narcissistic” and you will find the resources that I have on this topic that I hope can help you – that go into much deeper detail than I can express here.
I hope that this helps
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thank you for the timely reminder. My ex used all of these tactics in our 4 year cohabiting relationship. It’s coming up to a year since he finally moved out and I’ve been wallowing in self pity and wanting him back and feeling like I still love and miss him. Miss the physical side definitely as I haven’t been able to get close to anyone else since he left. Too traumatised. This blog has reminded me why I asked him to leave and jolted me out of my reminiscing of ‘happy times’. Thank you!
He moved straight into living with his new supply. I don’t know how he managed that since it all happened over lockdown. He lied. He told me they only just met. He gave me a sob story about living on his own and couldn’t afford rent so I ended up ‘paying him off’. He never paid anything towards bills nor worked much whilst I busted a gut working full time. He alienated my daughter too. When he left he took all the house contents and our dog. He stole some of my personal stuff too. No forwarding address to retrieve things. I went no contact in the end anyway despite trying to share the dog. He was too abusive with the silent treatment. Rude too. He left me with very little and an old crumbling house which fortunately was in my name and my mortgage. I had refused to sign half of it over to him when he asked, and also broke off our brief engagement when things just felt ‘off’. Thank goodness I did otherwise he’d have had half the house too which I bought with inheritance money.
I really need to revisit the NARP as I was in danger of slipping in my recovery. Bless you Melanie.
Hi Jackie,
my heart goes out to you – it is so painful still having those feelings.
Dedication to NARP is absolutely your answer up and out of this and to get free into your True Self and Life and Love ..
It’s time.
I hope that this helps inspire you!
Much Love
Mel 🙏💞🦋
Thanks everybody. I’m really happy to have found Melanie and to access these great resources. My narcissist is an ex work colleague. I walked away over a year ago when I couldn’t take any more. I knew what it was when I was in it & yet part of me still believed it would change but eventually all of me knew it wouldn’t change & sure enough all I hear about is more of the same from people who still work there. It’s impossible to get managers to understand as they are also victims of the abuse! Thanks Melanie
MOATSAZ
MY heart goes out to you.🙏🙏
I typed a lengthy reply ! But didnt work.., now am tired
Just wanting to let you know there is HOPE. For me tis the end of the day
, being in the medical profession can be very taxing ,,,giving,giving ….have been there too,stay strong ,while you are busy giving, giving others understand its the norm to take,take n take !!….
Am retired, but have been drained too in a different manner….Sounds like it could be a lot of jeaslousy on behalf of elder daughter. 1st born syndrome ?
Was the same with my only sibling ! Only different gender,…
Hang in there ,you will find help with these folk.,at least sharing !!
Melanie will have some solutions for you…
Just had to reply to let you know we care 🙏
All the very best yo you and yours 🌹🌹🌹🌹
Yes the horrible traits have been displayed and projected to me by my employer for three and a half years out of the four years I have been at.this company for. Long story short, I could write a novel about her. It is so amazing and shocking at once how these narcissists behave and have absolutely no accountability for their actions and abuse and the way they choose to speak to one (me). Even when they are doing things that are illegal, they don’t care and they definitely project the false narrative that the abusee is the one that causes stress.
One thing I will say is that I felt that things were OFF when being there (for the interview) at the premises for the first time. After getting the job, there were a number of things that just felt real off and I too-kindly and too-naively gave these people the benefit of the doubt. There were other factors at play too. I remember clearly everything along the way and how the narcissist (employer) just changed one day after 6 months of me being there. An absolutely awful person to be around and work for. She sucks the good out of things and just has to create drama.
Agree 100% with blog post and comments. Didn’t read them all, but I get the gist of what everyone is saying. Well I dealt with 2 narcissists today, and I am so glad that I am seeing them for what they are. I can not wait for the day that these nasty people are exposed. I still have a hard time understanding why they can’t see another person’s humanity. They just pre-judge you based on what some nasty narcissist smear campaigned you with. I am finding it hard to see how these people are worthwhile for much, if they can’t even have empathy for anyone. I also don’t understand why they feel so entitled to our lives. They do nothing for you except for harass and exploit you. And then after that, they act like they are entitled to your life. Personally, I think we should round them all up and lock them up. Unfortunately for me, I have people in my life like this- they offer nothing and demand everything. I’m still healing and learning from this experience though. I’m just using this experience to grow and learn. I see through them and when they start to act up, I notice that they are telling me the things they are insecure about. Whatever they blame me for, is what they don’t like about themselves. I feel bad for them at times, that they think such horrible things about themselves. That they are unhappy. But I must remind myself, that they have to take care of themselves, and I must take care of myself. Once they are arrested for exploiting me and infiltrating my life, I will be a lot happier though. But until that day, I just keep learning more and more. I hope everyone is able to see these people for what they are. Wishing everyone healing. Take care!!!
Again and again and again.
Thanks for this insight.
I am always grateful for your information.
Be blessed always
Patience Kukundakwe
Thank you Patience for your lovely words.
Many blessings to you too!
Mel 🙏💞🦋