Do You Believe Real Love Can’t Happen For You?

Today I want to have a chat with you about LOVE.

I want you to know that you CAN go from relationship disaster to incredible success after your narcissistic abuse experience.

I also want you to know that even after the devastation, you CAN open your heart and love again.

This is a very BIG and IMPORTANT topic because so many of you (as I originally felt too) never wanted to risk such excruciating love devastation again.

However, I also know that you can have what I have – real, safe, respectful, and fulfilling love.

Watch today’s Thriver TV episode to find out what you need to do to create a Soul partnership with another conscious Soul who can meet you and grow with you at an evolutionary level.

I’ve also got a special Valentine’s gift that I will be revealing in this episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

This Thriver TV episode is a love topic, and I adore helping you with this stuff. It’s really close to my heart because I went from relationship disaster to incredible success after narcissistic abuse, and I can help you with this too.

Before I get started on that, I am going to announce that I’m very excited because I’m going to be hosting a free Manifest the One – Finding Real Love After Narcissistic Abuse Workshop.

This is a powerful intensive three-hour class that’s going to put you on the path to creating the love relationship you truly deserve. And, fittingly, it’s on Valentine’s Day so that’s going to be such a beautiful gift to yourself to spend time with wonderful like-minded Souls and myself sharing love, expansion and healing.

Go to melanietoniaevans.com/love to register. Again, this is a totally free event.

Before I get into today’s topic, just quickly, I’d love for you to share my content with people who it can help.

 

Can Real Love Happen For You?

I want to talk to that feeling that real love can’t happen for you. Maybe you felt that when you met the narcissist, that he or she was the one that you’d always waited for. I remember feeling like this is my gift from God. This is the person I’ve been waiting my whole life for. Then, after so much hurt and destruction, you may feel like that chance is gone now and you’re never going to feel like that again and if you did, maybe you’re going to get abused again.

In reflection, possibly many of us, might have looked back and thought, “Well, I have probably never experienced true love. Certainly, not love that was durable or worked.” You may be really understanding that it wasn’t modelled for you.

Or, perhaps, you’ve been single for years and you would love to have that special other, but the right person has never seemed to come along – somebody that you’re even interested in. Maybe you’ve been hurt so deeply that you never want to risk trying love again.

It’s so usual to feel like this, incredibly usual, especially after being narcissistically abused. So many people in the community report this to me over and over again.

However, I promise you that if you would like real love, even if you’ve never had it and even if you can’t connect to the feeling or the beliefs of it being real for you yet, when you heal your inner Love Code the Quantum way, just as I and so many of us have been able to do with Quanta Freedom Healing, by knowing what to target, release, and develop – real, healthy love can become yours as it has for us. I’m going to be going into that today and even more deeply in the workshop on Valentine’s Day.

I promise you that when you do these tweaks that are kind of small, but they are so effective and powerful, that even in the journey, you’re going to start to feel that real love is not just possible for you – in fact, you’re going to start to feel and know that it’s only a matter of time and that it’s inevitable because the Soul Source truth of this matter is it is your Soul’s right to experience love in all its dimensions, including intimate partner love.

The truth at a Quantum level is who you were seeking at that higher level of potential is also seeking you as well, and you just need to get aligned with this Soul Source truth.

You wanting it means that it already exists for you. It’s already there for you. It’s like … ask and it’s given. It is a true Quantum reality. It’s already granted. But there are just parts of you blocking this that you need to release and get out of the way and get aligned for this manifestation to organically, naturally flow through to you and I promise you, it works.

Now, that’s the good news, but let’s get to the real raw true news. It’s this … there is essential inner healing and development to work on to get there. If your Love Code isn’t healed and I’m going to explain to you what your Love Code is shortly, if you don’t get that reprogrammed and healed, there’s a really big possibility that you’re either going to repeat the same painful love patterns unconsciously or stay single indefinitely. This is a form of inner protection so that you don’t get hurt again. That’s usually exactly the reason why nobody’s come along that you’re interested in.

Today, I want to help you understand why Law of Attraction may not be working for you and how it differs from the Quantum way of manifesting “The One”.

 

Setting Your Love Intention

Let’s have a look at setting your love intention. Intentions are really powerful. So for example, if you were to jump into a taxi and the driver said, “Where are you going?” and you said, “I don’t know,” you’re only going to drive around in circles, you’re not going to get anywhere.

A love intention is extremely important to start taking you towards the manifestation that you’re choosing. To start believing that love can happen for you, you have to have a starting place of knowing what the type of person is, who you want to connect to in a love experience.

Now, you may have heard of or even tried Law of Attraction-type processes where maybe you’re creating a vision board or a visualization, or even a list of what you want in a partner, and the problem with this is you may start a manifestation of tall, dark and handsome, who loves animals and will cook with you or petite, sexy, and gorgeous who enjoys tennis and bush walking, somebody who sends your heart aflutter … yet this person could have a terrible character.

The following I’m about to share with you is a key takeaway. I want you to really take note of this. It’s so vital. Appearances and interests are semi-important. Semi-important. They can be negotiable. Yet what is vital is being very clear on the character of the person – who they have to be, necessarily, for you to have a healthy, successful relationship.

This non-negotiable. So these are things like kindness, honesty and care. They can take personal responsibility. This person has the ability to team up with you, to be a team member that is humble enough to admit fault … to be sorry. They will work on solutions with you. They’re able to resolve conflicts with you.

Maybe you know that you require somebody who shares spiritual interests and their interpersonal development, and they have the same values and beliefs as you, especially if your beliefs are your life.

 

You Can’t Change People

Get clear about these things because you can’t change people. You can’t change a person’s character.

This is one of the biggest areas I was going so wrong in because I used to think, “Well, I don’t have the right to be so exact about that,” so I was getting in my taxi and I wasn’t giving clear directions and then I’d get attracted to somebody who seemed really nice, and I was chemically falling for them and I had an attraction for them.

But then, as I went down the track with this person, it didn’t take long before I started thinking, “You don’t share my values. You’re not benevolent. You don’t really care about people. You’re actually not a nice person.” Then, of course, I would try to change them because I was already in a relationship with them and, naturally, this created power struggles and it doesn’t work.

The values of a person is the person you choose. These are deeply ingrained Inner Identity values. You’re not going to change that. Therefore, these are non-negotiable. Otherwise, you’re going to be in a toxic relationship.

So Law of Attraction processes, when you’re visualizing or you’ve written down what you want and all that stuff, it may connect you with somebody who appears to be kind and loving and caring, which, of course, narcissists and toxic people can do because they’re very good at putting on a front. Yet, you don’t know how to take your time to assess true character, and then you get stuck with the narcissist again, which, of course, is a terrifying thought because we know how terribly that ends up.

So that’s the Law of Attraction way, which is flimsy and flaky. Now, let’s look at the Quantum way.

 

The Quantum Way

This is about getting very crystal clear on character and values and knowing that looks and some of your physical ideals may not be non-negotiables. I like tall partners, so tall was definitely a thing on my list. But other details are not as vital and you know that you are going to be able to open yourself up to explore more possibilities.

For example, a dear friend of mine, she always used to have suit and tie people. That was her type. When she got really clear on values, she opened up to other possibilities and the love of her life appeared. They are adorable together and so happy, and they’ve started a family and she’s 40 and she’s now had two beautiful children. He’s a tradie. But he had the values that were 100% healthy.

We know from understanding what values are that when you’re exploring possibilities of future partners, it’s important to keep the connection platonic. Don’t hand over your body, your Soul, your heart, and your mind.

Examine people over time to see if their values are genuinely a fit, and this isn’t just sensible, it’s actually crucial. This means dating and exploring more than one person, taking your time, being alone and secure while you’re doing so rather than needy and rushing in. It’s vital to do the inner work so that you’re not going to get needy. You’re not going to make rash moves. You’re not going to shortcut this path. You’re not going to make excuses in cognitive dissonance when somebody’s character isn’t healthy and then make up stories to justify continuing to hang out with them.

When you can anchor into this way of dating and start opening up to potential and possibility and exploring it, it can be incredibly exciting, interesting and empowering. Quite frankly, it can be a beautiful experience because you are raising your potential to connect with wonderful quality people. You command a respect at the level that you’re respecting yourself, and you’re in such a promising position to make healthy, positive choices as you move forward.

Now, having said all of that, of course, I can feel you might be squirming just as I used to, at the thought of dating. It can even feel really quite repulsive. So, let’s have a look at what that is about.

 

Limiting And Painful Beliefs About Creating Love

Limiting and painful beliefs about creating love have to do with your Inner Love Code. That means past traumas that have wedged inside your subconscious, in your Inner Identity, so they are: love equals whatever painful thing it is. Or it can be, “The people I love abuse me, leave me, replace me, invalidate me, disregard me, even annihilate me,” things like that.

These are your past traumas to do with painful interpersonal relationships, and they go back to childhood and beyond. They’re also deep fractures in the human psyche because over time there’s been so much pain person to person. The great thing is these can be healed and reprogrammed and it’s completely life and love changing when you do.

Let’s just put this stuff into perspective. I want you to imagine if you were buying a home or a car, which so many of us have done one or the other or both. These are very serious decisions in your life and they could have long reaching negative impacts if you make the wrong decision.

You could buy a house and pay way too much for it, and maybe it’s defective and there’s things wrong with it and you lose a heap of money. Or, you buy a car that’s defective and you have all sorts of issues and, again, it’s really disruptive and destructive to your life.

Now, with those important decisions, would you say to yourself, “I hate looking at houses and cars. I just don’t like doing it, so I’m just going to say yes to one as soon as possible to stop having to do this”? No, of course you wouldn’t. You would do your research. You would check out the area that the house is in and the amenities, the community maybe, as well as the house.

The car, you’re going to check out the mileage, the motor, the owner history. You would do your research and you may even get inspections done by professionals. It’s sensible. It’s called taking your time and applying due diligence.

Would you view a dodgy house or a car that’s just rubbish, and then rant and rave about how all houses and cars are defective and be a victim to this and not keep searching? Of course you wouldn’t. Would you then stay at home, never look at another house or car because you don’t want to risk another dodgy one and hope that somebody’s just going to come along and offer you a house or a car out of nowhere? No, of course, you wouldn’t. Let’s get it in perspective.

Of course, you could argue love is different, it’s a different thing, and it could just be delivered and it could happen. It could just arrive out of nowhere. You could bump into him or her at the supermarket. Yes, that’s true. But if this just happens out of nowhere unconsciously, you may get what you need and not what you want because you’re not consciously participating. You’re not consciously generating the experience.

It’s part luck, and please understand what you need in love rather than what you would dearly want … the need is usually somebody who is not the one, but they’re going to trigger your wounds that you need to heal to be able to become the one yourself who can manifest the one. The one really is “A ONE”, a Soul Mate, who you can have a happy, successful, durable relationship with. Until you become the one who can manifest that and be aligned with that, you’re probably going to get what you need, which is more unconscious becoming conscious to heal yourself to become the one.

So do you want to keep having to go around this merry go round? I didn’t. I really recognized, “Okay, here I gave up two years of my life. Here it was five. Here it was three. Here, it was another five. And I’m back in the same place.” I got sick of that circuit, and I don’t think you want to keep doing that either.

I hope that this is starting to become clear to you … that there are traumas to clean up and alignment to create. There’s inner healing to do so that the pain and the fear of love creation is gone. What is so great with my journey, which was complex, is that there were a lot of traumas to be healed and I’ve helped thousands of people heal them too. I’ve been able to discover and recover the aspects that we need to tweak to get aligned.

If you learn about that and you stay dedicated to it, then you know that as you go through this journey, when things get triggered and you heal and replace and keep up levelling with Quanta Freedom Healing, you are going to step forth into being the one who can manifest Soul Source true love. It’s so exciting, but it is work.

Those of you who have worked with NARP to clean up past narcissistic trauma, you could be now onto the next step of cleaning up more specific traumas in your body regarding love fears. If you have NARP, you can use Module One or the Source Healing Resolution Module, and use this statement, “I am targeting the trauma in my body generating …” whatever the fear is.

So it could be, “I’m targeting the trauma in my body generating the fear of dating, the fear of losing myself, the fear of rushing in, the fear of …” whatever it is. Then you’re going to keep raising up inner empowerment to be able to keep walking down the empowered way to create love.

We’ll be going through that in the workshop, really finding your specific traumas so that you know what to heal and up-level because everybody’s different. We’ve all got our specific things.

What is also powerful is using the Goal Setting Module. If you’re ready for extreme progress, you can use the Thriver’s life module in NARP to create love. It’s so powerful and set goals such as, “I’m empowered and excited to date and meet potential partners – that gives you expansion.” Or you could put as your goal, “I trust myself to take my time to get to know people. I accept those aligned with my values and leave alone those who differ.” That’s really powerful. “I trust myself to no longer try to change people’s character and let go, knowing there is a higher level available to me now.”

What that means is every time you let go of somebody who doesn’t have the right character values, you are telling the universe to up-level and bring you a higher vibrational reality, and that’s exactly what happens. Every NO opens more YES doors that align with you. It’s so powerful when you get into this flow of plenty.

We’ve been accepting much less than our Soul Source truth. That’s the problem. We’ve been saying yes to it instead of knowing how to up-level into a higher trajectory, and that’s what all of this stuff teaches you and grants you.

I really want you to understand how, when you are conscious rather than just playing potluck – when you’re consciously going through love manifestation processes the right Quantum way, that it’s so empowering. It grants you courage, strength, and the ability to honour yourself.

Not developing and healing at this kind of level is exactly why you’ve been terrified of dating. Can you understand that now? You didn’t know how to navigate this. This would be like jumping into a high powered car, going at a flat out speed without knowing how to drive it. It’s terrifying. But if you know how to drive it, how empowering would it be? This is the same.

 

How To Handle Your Biggest Dating Fear

Now, I’m going to grant you the absolute truth of your biggest fear as well as how to handle it. The fear is, of course, that you’re going to meet or date a narcissist. You’re going to have a narcissist come into your life, and I’m going to talk to you about not fearing that.

I know that you are likely to have internal trauma about the abuse you suffered at the hands of a narcissist. In order to have space and inspiration inside to even feel like love could be possible for you, requires getting relief, release, and reprogramming from those awful traumas of what happened to you at the hands of a narcissist.

For those of you who dearly want love one day, if you’ve never worked with NARP, I cannot recommend the 10-step Module process in NARP enough, that’s going to clean that up for you powerfully and then deliver you to the stage where you can start manifesting. But you’ve got to do that inner recovery trauma work first.

What NARP does is it’s going to reach back into and clear out for you the painful relationship programming from childhood and even further back in your psyche. If you don’t heal this unfinished internal business, you are unconsciously seeking or allowing in somebody who you hope can take away the pain as a saviour. Yet it is instead somebody who’s going to represent and bring you more of the unhealed pain because hanging on to the trauma inside doesn’t protect you. It just matches you up with more. That’s how energetic law happens – so within, so without.

 

Your Soul Graduation

Your biggest job is to emerge free of that trauma so that you can engage in life again not fearing narcissists. This is how Soul graduations work.

When you’re no longer scared of walking under a ladder, all the ladders can be removed from your path. You’ve graduated beyond them.

Now, here’s the truth about narcissists. They exist everywhere in life as do wonderful people, but a narcissist cannot take just anybody in and manipulate them and enmesh with them and start exploiting them. They can’t do that to just anybody. They are very calculated in who and how they target, and here’s just the truth – that if you can accept this and work with this, you will never have to fear narcissists again.

Narcissists target people who are still wounded, which is human and it’s normal, but we have Quantum tools to overcome that now. They target people who are not yet healed and whole and who are not right with self and Source and their own fullness and up leveling, and that’s okay because we didn’t know that back then but now we can and we can sort it out.

If you’re not connected to Source and your Soul in wholeness, in peace and fullness, then you are still looking for outer Sources to rescue you. A lot of this is unconscious and that’s how a narcissist can coerce, manipulate you, charm and dupe you. They appear as your Source, and that’s the danger.

When I realized this stuff and I was so dedicated to my healing and graduations, I did dates with narcissists and I loved graduating beyond them, and how I did that was simply to be authentic in myself, trust my intuition, speak up, question things, take my time, say no to them. I have my own life. I didn’t drop everything.

At first, occasionally, it became very obvious very occasionally, but because I was taking my time platonically and I wasn’t handing over my body, my Soul, my mind, my home, my sexuality, and I was dating people at a respectful pace, it didn’t take long.

There was only one narcissist who got to a third date, and what happened was the mask slipped. He talked nastily about people. He asked me what I thought of the date and I told him the honest truth, I don’t like the way you’re talking about your work colleagues. He exploded, had a narcissistic injury and a rage attack and I’m like, “Whoa, awesome,” and I was so excited because I thought the old me would have overlooked that because he ticked all the boxes and I was wrapped. I was so excited that I could do that.

Also, when you take your time with people, you get to see, do the actions match the words? If you don’t return a text for five hours because you’re busy, you have a life, do they start texting you? Do they get all antsy and needy and start trying to hook you in. Do they try to hit you with guilt and fear? “Well, if you don’t take me as an opportunity, you are going to miss out on the opportunity of your lifetime.”

Healthy people don’t behave like that. You will flush a narcissist out. So this is the stuff I teach. It is so important, in getting your love manifestations right, this is not about doing what we used to do, which was to despair about, “Oh my God, I’ve attracted another narcissist. Narcissists are everywhere.”

These are your graduation opportunities. When you get this right at a Thriver level, you’re going to be so excited that you could be sitting on a date with a narcissist and you have the ability to be powerful and solid and flush them out and graduate where you never fear them anymore. That’s when the ladders are removed from your path. Then you have nothing to fear.

 

Showing Up As Your True Self

Can you imagine how safe you will start to feel in life that you’re now honoring you, you can look after you and you only need to be developing and showing up as your true self to be safe? That’s it. You don’t have to be worried about eight billion other people and who they are. You are just self-partnered and able to show up and honor yourself and everything else gets exposed.

Ideally, and this is the stuff I teach with manifesting love, you want to be able to be having the exercise of dating, opening up to possibility, believing in love again as a blast. You’re having an awesome expansive time with it and, of course, there are going to be more fears coming up, you’re human, such as the fear of rejection or the fears of being ignored. They are all the things that you’ve had inside of you anyway that you need to clean up within you, and it’s such a beautiful opportunity that when you get triggered and you do the healing within and you just keep getting your outer experience shifting because it’s matching your new inner experience.

So, for example, you might have been triggered about being ghosted and people going missing. When you up-level that and it gets to a point where you’re like, “Okay, well, that wasn’t for me and I don’t even get triggered,” it’ll stop happening.

Maybe you’ve been sexualized and that’s been your big trauma, and once you release the traumas and stop participating with anybody that behaves like that and it doesn’t even hurt you anymore, it’s just like, “Next. That’s not my reality,” it will stop. That’s your graduation.

 

In Conclusion

I know all of this may still sound and feel scary, but now that we’ve talk straight to the truth of the matter of this, can you sense that there is some hope for love? Can you sense that there may be a clear direction out of this pain and loneliness, a way to create real love and know that it can happen for you?

If so, I’d love to have you in my free Manifest the One: Finding Real Love After Narcissistic Abuse Workshop. This is some of the most funnest stuff I love doing. I am so passionate about this stuff.

It’s going to be a three hour online class where we’re all together, where we’re delving deeply into the process I used to manifest my amazing partner. He’s everything I had on my list of values and also other things and more. He really is. Also, he’s one in a million, but he was the one who matched me being the one who could manifest that.

I used to always get it wrong, I promise you, and I’ve been able to help so many others in this wonderful community create abundant love in their life, even people who have never, like me, had a successful relationship before this.

This is about finding true connections with conscious Souls. They’re going to meet you at your state of evolution, where you are supported, nurtured, and cared for and you can truly grow into life missions with this person. I can’t wait to put you on that path to creating real love for yourself in this workshop.

Go to melanietoniaevans.com/love, L-O-V-E, that beautiful word, to register or click the link in the pinned comment or in the episode description.

I can’t wait to hang out with you in love on Valentine’s Day.