They simply won’t cooperate because they don’t want to fall in line and they don’t want to do the right thing. They don’t want to be held accountable or follow rules and regulations, and they don’t want to be harmonious and they definitely don’t want to be a team player.

In fact, they will do the opposite.

And will not hesitate for an instant to use the children as pawns to trigger you to get a reaction. They will do this by smearing you to your own children and wreaking havoc in your relationship with them.

Is there anything you can do to safeguard yourself and your children? To curb this type of abuse? To live your life harmoniously and happily?

I believe there is, so join me in today’s Thriver TV episode and I will show you the tools that can make this possible.

Video Transcript

In today’s episode, I’m going to explain to you how narcissists don’t co-parent, why trying to get cooperation creates less and the necessary tools that you need to detach, self-heal and self-generate and why that is so important.

Just before we get started, remember to hit the subscribe button, if you haven’t already, and like this video, if you find it helpful.

Let’s get going on this incredibly painful and sensitive topic.

As a mother, I know how this can affect your child as well as your relationship with your child and of course, yourself. I’m incredibly passionate about this topic, and it’s my deepest desire to help give you some direction, power and relief as well as solutions with this today.

This is so important because people will tell you it’s impossible to share custody with narcissists successfully and for you and your children to have happy, productive, and healthy lives in such a situation. I promise you that is not the truth, because so many people in this community have got really successful relationships with themselves, their life and their kids whilst co-parenting effectively.

How Narcissists Don’t Cooperate

Let’s get going on my first point that I really want to cover with you. It’s about how narcissists don’t cooperate.

Narcissists don’t co-parent. I don’t know that you’ve been experiencing this. They don’t want to fall in line. They don’t want to do the right thing. They don’t want to be held accountable or follow rules and regulations, and they don’t want to be harmonious and they don’t want to play on a team.

The one thing that a narcissist is interested in, in all circumstances is narcissistic supply, which means that I can affect other people significantly enough to know that I exist. It’s attention.

So, when you are attempting to co-parent with a narcissist, he or she is going to trigger you. They’re going to be uncooperative. They’re going to say one thing and do another. They will use the children as pawns, absolutely to trigger you to get a reaction, which means – I’m significant enough to affect you.

Another thing that narcissists do time and time and time again, in attempted co-parenting, is they play divide and conquer games, which means that they are going to set the children against you. They’re going to smear you to the children.

They’re going to tell the children that you said this when you didn’t say that, and that is then going to be a narrative of blaming you and that you are the cause of the problems. That’s what they’re going to tell the children. They’re going to tell that to other people in their life as well, people who are around the peripheral, because what that does is it vindicates them. A narcissist is so interested in a narrative of them being vindicated … that it wasn’t me – it was you.

A narcissist wants to play all of these games and use all of these tactics to punish you. How dare you leave them? Or how dare you try and get on with your life? Or how dare you tell other people what they are or how they behave? How dare you?

The false self can’t deal with that. So, punishing you by using the children as pawns is a very, very common tactic. So, let’s just get all of that very clear. I want that to be clear so that you can understand what their motivation is. It’s about narcissistic supply, so that means they are not going to cooperate because to keep you happy and have a harmonious co-parenting relationship means that they’re not going to get narcissistic supply.

Trying To Get Cooperation Achieves Less

We can so easily fall into the trap of trying to get cooperation by trying to hold them accountable, by reacting, by saying, “No, this is what you do need to do. Why aren’t you doing this?” Arguing and getting frustrated.

Of course, you’re going to get hurt and frustrated. This is your children, but the more you try for cooperation, the less you’re going to get, because it is feeding the narcissist’s need for narcissistic supply. If they know that they can affect you, they’re going to do more of that. I know this is hugely counterintuitive as a parent.

Of course, you’re going to speak up. Of course, you’re going to try and hold them accountable. Of course, you’re going to want to get them to do the right thing and get angry with them, because with a normal person, if you pointed it out, they’d be like, “Oh yeah, okay. Look, I should have been there at 2:00 p.m. I’m sorry, I’ll do that next time.” Whereas the narcissist will come back with tit for tat or they’ll lie to you and then they’ll be even later next time. They’re going to keep doing that. So, we have to stop doing what is the intuitive normal response, which is to fight back. It’s going to make it worse.

Now, this is where you need to understand a deeper Quantum understanding of this because I promise you when you’re up against a narcissist, this is not a normal battle. This is a spiritual battle. This is a deep inner, emotional, energetic, spiritual battle. So, the old rules don’t apply here.

You have to understand what is really going on with a psychic vampire, who is stealing your energy and your attention and your emotions and using them as the bullets against you.

So, the deeper Quantum understanding is so within, so without. The more upset and frustrated and angry you get, the more you are going to receive back from the narcissist the spiritual mirror of those traumas. You’re going to get more things to get disturbed about.

Detachment – The Beginning Of Parallel Parenting

What do we do?

We have to apply the right tools to change this around and get your power back for you and most importantly for your children – for their health and sanity.

Detachment is the first tool, and this is the beginning of parallel parenting and I’ve included a link to my information regarding parallel parenting with this video and you’ll find it in the blog as well. It is essential to understand what parallel parenting is all about.

In essence, you let go of trying to control the narcissist parenting with your child and you fully engage in what you can control, which is your parenting, your boundaries and your rights. I know you might be thinking, “But, Melanie, if I let go and I let whatever happen over there, it’s going to get worse.”

It’s actually the opposite with a narcissist. By controlling what you can control, which means detaching and when you do need to have contact with a narcissist, rather than having direct contact, you’re having your parenting situation and there’s their parenting situation, and the middle body communication ports between those need to be a third party contact.

Now, detachment can be really effective with a tool such as Our Family Wizard, and I’m going to supply the link to that as well, so you can look it up. A lot of people have been able to get a court order, which says, we’re going to have this parenting tool. It’s a recognized parenting tool.

So, it means that all communication is only about your child. It’s all accountable. It can’t be deleted off a server, and you are able to respond in ways where you refuse to get emotionally hooked in and you’re not retaliating. You keep it very clinical, very grey rock – this is what I will agree to, this is what I won’t agree to and leave it at that.

Because when you go into effective modified contact, which comes through detachment, you are starving the narcissist from narcissistic supply. Right? You are no longer feeding the bear that then has the energy to keep coming back and attacking you harder.

Also, this is about detaching from the trauma of what’s going on with your children. I promise you as a parent, where your energy goes, where your somatic beliefs and inner composition goes is where your children’s goes.

If you are constantly obsessing about them being co-parented with a narcissist, well, then that’s going to make your children sicker. I promise you, and we’re going to talk a little bit more about how do you detach from reacting, how do you detach from the obsession about what’s going on with your children.

Again, it’s all counterintuitive I know that, but we have to get very empowered as parents to know what will work and what won’t work. I promise you for myself and my own experience with a narcissist, with my son and with thousands of other people over the last 10 plus years, your involvement and concern makes your children and yourself sicker and more at risk. We have to do it the Quantum way. This is a spiritual war that you are in with a narcissist.

It’s not logical.

Self-Healing – The Removing Of All Of Your Internal Triggers

This brings me to the next point that we need to look at very deeply … self-healing. This is the Quantum understanding. So within, so without. The more traumatized I am, the more evidence of my trauma is going to meet me from the field from the narcissist.

So, what does this mean, the self-healing? What it means is the removing of all of your internal triggers. You may think that you need to be triggered and energized in that anger, the frustration or the pain to protect your child. You need to know, that is a complete false premise that we believed.

When you are triggered into adrenaline and cortisol, this is where you are not connected to solution, intelligence or support. You’re in your primal prehistoric primitive functions, which are fight and flee.

In fight and flee, it’s effective over a short term to get up a tree away from a predator, but in as far as dealing with a narcissist, all it is going to do is immerse you in the problems even harder without emotional solution and support to get it out of it. It doesn’t work.

If you have released and removed your triggers, you still have the knowing it’s not wrong and then you have the calm emotional beingness. You are powerful in your body and you are not being derailed.

That’s when the right people, resources, support, legal team and judge, etc. will be coming into your experience granting you more of who you are being on the inside, which is powerful, whole and centered. That’s when things start backing you, that’s when all of life can partner you to bring you an outcome of being more calm, powerful, and centered. Which means true healthy unfoldments that also match your Source Truth, which is your and your children’s wellbeing.

You have to understand that in this spiritual war with the narcissist, with them putting the children in the middle, the narcissist is using your anxiety and your traumas to get the hit of energy to continue hurting you. When you stop doing that, because you’re powerful, calm, and centered, then the narcissist runs out of the bullets to hurt you with.

What also happens, and I love this part, is your children will start gravitating to you. They are highly intelligent beings. They are highly intuitive, emotional, sensitive, aligned beings when your trauma is out of the way. They work it out for themselves.

Self-Generation – Releasing All Dependency Hooks

This leads me to the next point. There’s the detachment that is a necessary tool. There is a self-healing that is a huge component of this. Then what comes next is self-generation. This means releasing all of your dependency hooks on the narcissist.

What I want you to understand is that becoming self-generative means I no longer need or rely on you – you false self – who is completely unreliable, who is completely using unreliability to trigger and hurt me and my children. I no longer need you. I no longer rely on you to grant me or my children, a great life. Which means we don’t need you for love, approval, survival, and security because we are becoming a force of that ourselves.

Now, this is huge. This is everything. Because then, you are leading the way as an empowered model, moving out of victimization. That changes the pattern of your children being hooked on sick abusive people trying to get their needs met. This is the most horrific thing that we can teach our children. This is what as victims we do. As a victim, we say, “That is disgusting what they’re doing. They should be doing this.” So, what do you think your children are going to do? They’re going to gravitate to more of those people in the future saying, “This is disgusting because you are not granting me this.”

When we get out of that state, we become an empowered whole person saying, “You can be whatever you want to be. I don’t need you because I am this to myself.” You lead the way for your children and this is beyond powerful.

Now, we have to get past thinking, “Oh yeah, but Melanie, if I do that, I’m going to let the narcissist off the hook. It means that they’re not going to be accountable or responsible.”

A narcissist will never be accountable and responsible. Let go of that. Just let go of that.

A narcissist is never getting off the hook because a narcissist is trapped in their own soul torture every single day needing narcissistic supply to get out of their own self-annihilating thoughts of how defective and unlovable they are.

So, moving beyond all of this means that you reach this soul graduation, “I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success, and peace for myself and my children, regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.”

Can you feel the power of that? Feel it in your body. This is when you leave that rubbish behind.

So, if you agree and resonate with this, I want you to pause this video and I want you to write this powerful declaration below.

“I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.”

I know it’s long, but it’s a very complete powerful declaration. This is going to set up a truth for you that will change everything.

Conclusion

I know that if you are struggling with co-parenting, this formula that I’ve outlined today, that I’ve put here for you, is essential for you. This is what it is, understanding that trying to force a narcissist to co-parent is Wrong Town and how it’s going to make matters worse and not better and this is about taking your power back by detaching, healing on the inside everything that’s getting triggered and being self-generative to leave the madness, the nastiness, the games and the abuse behind.

I want you to know that your children are going to become incredibly empowered and equipped from a very young age to deal and be solid inside, because you led the way for them.

The most effective parallel parenting people in this community have set up boundaries and court orders to detach. They’ve often used Our Family Wizard. They’ve worked diligently on their self-healing and their self-generative belief systems and self with NARP, my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, and many of these people have won custody battles and all sorts of things against the narcissist as a result of using these formulas.

I want to help all of you out there who are struggling with this to take your power back and make it work for you and your child. You can do that in the most effective way by becoming a NARP member.

When you become a NARP member, which you can do today, you can also access the NARP members forum, where you get assistance with parallel parenting from an incredible group of parallel parenters and people from all over the world, who’ve been able to use this system effectively, as well as some of the best minds in narcissistic abuse recovery that can help you with any situation that you’re going through. We’ve seen it all.

I’d also love you to check out the successes that NARP members have had, including with their children. I’m sharing the link to some of these testimonies with you with this video.

I really hope from my heart to yours that this has granted you hope that you know it is not true that you and your children are doomed to a horrible existence for the whole time that you’re going to have to co-parent with a narcissist. That is not the truth. In fact, there can be even more incredible power and heights for you and your children because of this challenge. That’s what NARP will help you achieve.

As always, I am looking forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

Many of you might be horrified or even feel traumatised because your children don’t know the truth about the narcissist.

You may even feel that your child is unprotected because they don’t know the real truth of what’s going on.

But the question is, how do you help your children awaken to their own solid, calm and empowered truth?

If you have been smeared, discredited, abused and devastated or are facing the ravages of parental alienation tactics by the narcissist, let me share with you how I confronted these actions and turned my relationship with my son around, in this Thriver TV episode.

Video Transcript

I know that many of you are horrified about your children not discovering the truth about the narcissist.

You may feel that your child is unprotected because they don’t know the truth.

It’s also very normal for you to feel heartbroken that they don’t realise what happened to you and what you’re going through as a result of being narcissistically abused.

You could be traumatised about the possibility of your child even being groomed into becoming a narcissist themselves.

These are all very frightening possibilities, and that’s why I wanted to bring this Thriver TV episode to you today.

Before I do, I just wanted to remind you again that my You Can Thrive One-Day global live on-line event is happening tomorrow. No matter where you are in the world, I would love for you to join me so that I can help you break free in extraordinary ways in this event.

So, come with me tomorrow, it’s now your last chance today to join, to access relief and clarity and get your power back by clicking this link.

Okay, now let’s get on to this very important and sensitive topic about your children.

Your Child’s Inner Barometer

I really want you to understand that our children are incredible beings. I believe that they are much more naturally evolved than us.

They know when certain things don’t feel right in the body. They are much less likely to defer to the analytical justifications and rationale that dismiss one’s Inner Being than we are.

I believe it is our job to help our children self-partner and become their own empowered sovereign being. The way that we can do this, is to lead the way by becoming this ourselves.

Sadly, as parents we can be guilty of doing what our parents did to us, lie to our children to try to protect them.

My son Zac used to ask me what was wrong because he could feel it, and I would tell l him that nothing was wrong. I thought this was the right thing to do. But what I was really doing was teaching him to dismiss his own inner gut truths.

As his parent arguably I was his authority, and so it was my responsibility to mirror back to him how on track he was within himself. Yet, what I was teaching him was what I had been taught: that intuition is wrong, that it’s OK to dismiss inner gut feelings, self-abandon, and listen to somebody else’s authority and truth instead.

So many of us when we got involved with narcissistic abuse, did not trust our inner feelings and warnings. We dismissed things when they felt edgy, off and even shocking, and kept going along with a false narrative because our mind made up all sorts of justifications and excuses.  And, because we couldn’t align with and trust ourselves, we were talked out of our boundaries and rights to investigate the facts relating to our inner knowing.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to be truthful to your child, of course, age appropriately.

You don’t need to tell them everything that is going on and project that all over them, but don’t lie if things aren’t good. If you are down and not feeling well, be honest about it.

Grant your child the confirmation that he or she is on track with what they are sensing about you. It is far less damaging to your child to have confirmation of what they are sensing than for him or her to believe that their inner cues are incorrect.

I hope you realise that you don’t want your child to grow up with a defunct and untrustworthy internal compass, which makes them highly susceptible to being controlled, manipulated and abused by others.

Okay so how do you let your child understand the truth?

Live The Truth Yourself

So many parents ask me, “When will my child learn the truth about the narcissist?”

My answer to that is, “When you heal yourself and become a solid, calm, empowered truth in your child’s life.”

Then, your child will awaken to their own solid, calm and empowered truth without you having to do anything to try to force them to “get the truth”. Rather, you are simply living it.

When I was smeared, discredited, abused and devastated and tried to get my son to see what the narcissist was doing, all of my efforts failed. Zac was repelled by my victimised, distraught and insistent behaviour.

He didn’t believe me. Rather, he was gravitating towards the other authority figure in his life who felt “saner” and “safer” – the narcissist.

I was seriously at risk of having my son alienated and turned against me.

Thank goodness, I realised that I could not force him to see the truth to try to make myself feel better. I had to make myself feel better. I had to heal and release my trauma and become healthy and calm, leading the way, firstly for myself and then as the conscious and evolutionary figure in his life.

I started being truthful about my breakdown and my traumas, and that my greatest responsibility to myself and for him was to heal my traumas. I didn’t play the victim about my traumas, I let my son know that this was a necessary evolutionary time in my life, for me to heal and become the whole person that I knew I could be.

When I took responsibility for my own emotions and life, he started to feel safe. It gave him incredible comfort.

I told him when I was going into my bedroom to face and release the traumas with NARP, that were wedged inside of me. He heard me cry, he saw me be incredibly real, wounds and warts and all.

This was such a relief to him, that I was being real with myself and I was being real with him.

He started to become real with himself and me.

As I healed, he healed. He followed where I went.

Then as my wisdom and power emerged, so did his. He saw things clearly. He “got” the truth. Everything fell into place for him, and all the pieces added up.

All of this just happened without me telling him or needing him to understand. I didn’t need his validation or for him to get it, I had already received all of that closure and partnering within myself.

This is the thing … the important people in your life who you want to know the truth will become at one with it when you become at one with yourself.

Okay, if you are a parent and this is resonating with you, I want you to pause this video and make the powerful declaration, “I will lead the way for my child(ren)!”

Truly, there is no more powerful solution for your child’s awakening than that. Again and again, I have seen the clear indisputable evidence occur with the children of Thrivers when their parent does the inner work with NARP.

And it only needs to be one parent. You have no control over what the narcissistic parent does or doesn’t do. This is about you doing what needs to be done.

Just as Zac did, Thriver’s children undergo an organic evolutionary process of coming into the peace and power that we model for them.

If You Are Alienated From Your Child

I know that many of you have suffered this incredible trauma, and my heart goes out to you … so much. Words can’t even begin to describe how terribly disturbing and painful this is for a parent to go through.

I know that many of you have courageously, against all trauma odds, been working at releasing this soul trauma with NARP moduling. Over the years, I have seen the most beautiful reuniting happen even after decades, and even with multiple generations, as a result of people doing the inner work with NARP.

This has been an incredible blessing for many people, yet the truth is there is no guarantee of a reunion with your estranged children, but what can happen is relief from the horrific trauma that child alienation brings. And it makes my heart and soul happy that NARP can work to relieve such a trauma.

I truly hope that you have received the message today, that your children believing you and knowing the truth about the narcissist, can only usually come after you make the full dedication to heal yourself first.

I hope that you can feel this deeply in your body as truth.

And I’d also love to encourage you to look up my other resources in regard to being alienated from your child if this is what you have suffered, as well as all other resources I offer about “our children”. All you need to do is google my name and these topics, and they will come up.

I so hope that they can help.

And I’d love to help you connect to your healing up and out of the trauma and into your true light, calm and solidness for not just your child but also their future generations to help break these terrible cycles of abuse.

And remember, tomorrow is my global, never before done, one-day You Can Thrive event coming up, which will connect you to my inner transformational resources and information, to shift you up and out of abuse and into the life that you were born to live.

I can’t wait to help you with my healing tools. So, grab your last day digital pass for tomorrow by clicking this link.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Video Transcript

So many of you have often asked me, how can I help my child who is now isolated and controlled by the narcissistic spouse?

Or maybe your sister, brother or dear friend is hopelessly enmeshed with a narcissist abusing them at work, in a love relationship or even in a friendship.

You may be beyond concerned that the person you care about isn’t waking up to this and seems to be slipping further and further away from you.

Maybe you have grandchildren that you don’t see anymore because of a narcissistic in-law.

How can you help the person you love who is deeply in the clutches of narcissistic abuse?

In today’s TTV episode I explain to you the only way I know that works and does work to help your loved ones recover from this.

But before we get started on this episode, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet done so please do, and also give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.

Okay, so now on to this very important information.

The Deeper and Necessary Understanding of Quantum Law

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing the people whom we love suffer. There is nothing more frustrating and unjust than seeing them ripped away from us by a pathological narcissist.

What is doubly frustrating is the more we try to talk sense to the person we love, the more they can pull away from us and even side with the narcissist.

You may be agonising over why this is happening, but what I always like to do is to just get down to the pure truth of things – which is this:

Whichever way we are powerfully emotionally vibrating about anything (including somebody we care about), is exactly the experience that we will have in our personal experience.

Let me put it to you simply. If you feel that someone in your life is being emotionally smashed, abused and isolated from you, then that is the experience you will continue to Quantumly generate in your life.

This is especially true if you see this person as broken and powerless.

Now, before you think that I am blaming you for the experience that they are having, please hear me out. I am not blaming you in any shape or form, I am just explaining how energetic law and true manifesting takes place.

It is a human and beautiful part of our nature to deeply care for, be concerned about and have compassion for those whom we love. Yet, when you understand Quantum Law, you will realise that this is not necessarily helping those you love get better and get away from toxic circumstances.

Rather, it contributes to them being deeply stuck.

To truly help those you love requires a deeper understanding of Quantum Law, which I am beyond inspired to share with you.  In order to be able to help, you need to know the actual steps to Quantumly – which means for real – help the person who is not, at this point, helping themselves.

So, let’s dive in and get started.

Step Number One: Acceptance

The greatest barrier to us trying to change our life experience, including the experience of others we care about, is resistance to what is happening in the present moment.

Of course, from the human perspective, we judge what is happening to them as ‘wrong’. Yet, by doing so, we are not understanding the grand design deeper truth of their soul’s evolution and journey.

I personally believe 100% that there is a reason for ‘all of it’, meaning that anyone’s personal evolution is about calling forth and participating in the experiences that are going to make their unconscious programs conscious, and lead them inwards to healing and resolving what is necessary in order to generate a different life experience.

That is exactly what happened to us regarding our own narcissistic abuse which then led us to entering and activating our Thriver Recovery.

When you can take the evolutionary high road of understanding that what your loved one is going through is a necessary transaction for their own personal awakening and evolution, then your deepest wish is not so much for that experience to be removed or brought to an end, but for their soul to awaken and become empowered, self-loving and self-defining within the experience.

And, when you truly love another, then you will bless the experience and not make it so personally about yourself.

How often have we wanted to try to force somebody to change in order for us to feel better?

Usually, if we are honest with ourselves, this is the case. It is understandable and even intensely loving towards others, yet it defies getting a positive result from Quantum Law, as much as trying to defy a natural law such as gravity would be.

It is impossible to generate a change in your life experience by trying to change something outside of you, including somebody you love, in order for you to feel better.

What is much more likely to happen as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – is that this person you are trying to rescue from their situation will supply you more evidence of the inner emotional experience that you are already having. Namely, them not being well.

There is only one way to change your experience of anything or anyone, and that is to find the way to feel better about ‘what is’ so as to create the base foundation to go emotionally inward to then create a different experience that will spill out and have an influence on the outer experience.

This starts with acceptance.

A powerful mantra that you can say often in regard to this person who is being abused by a narcissist is, ‘I bless and accept your experience as sacred. No matter what it looks like, I know that it is offering you the highest possible evolutionary path that your soul yearns for.’

Step Number Two: Shifting Your Emotional Response

You have to know that trying to go in and change things, whilst you feel devastated for this person, is not going to work.

If anything, you run the risk of pushing them further away from you and more into the arms of the abuser.

There is a better way to deal with this, and the great thing is that it is activated by working on the only person that you do have the power to change – yourself. And, you can be totally available for this mission.

This is how it works …

By fully understanding and accepting that the way that you create change for yourself and others you care about, is by changing yourself. This doesn’t mean changing the way that you interact with them, even though this is a natural by-product of this … rather it means completely changing your inner emotional composition about this person and what they are going through.

Let me explain to you what I mean with this example.

A NARP member called Gail was devastated that her daughter who was married to a narcissist, was becoming more and more isolated from her and the rest of the family.

To add insult to injury, Gail’s daughter had three children under the age of ten whom Gail adored. Her ability to visit her grandchildren was getting reduced, as she continually received opposition and excuses. Gail knew that her daughter was being twisted and turned against her and her husband by her daughter’s husband.

Gail wrote into me asking me what she could do. I related to her the only solution I have ever known to work. I invited Gail to join NARP and start using the healings to target the traumas in her body regarding what her daughter was going through and how it was impacting Gail.

Gail put in the hard work with NARP and kept moving these terrible traumas in her body and shifting them out, until peace replaced the previous fear and anxiety.

Gail reached the place which we all do, on any topic in our life, when we work with the Quanta Freedom Healing processes of NARP; where the trauma was released, truth entered.

Gail realised that her daughter was going through a soul growth lesson with this man, and she also realised that everybody involved including the children, herself and the family were also going through their own personal evolution as a result of this.

Gail knew that her true power to assist in this solution was to accept that everything was in perfect and divine order, and then to powerfully contribute by shifting herself to ‘feel’ and ‘know’ that her daughter had an infinitely wise Inner Being who could also wake up to the truth.

The more Gail did this work, the more she was able to let go and allow, and keep working on herself to hold her daughter in this emotional vibration.

What happened next is what happens next in virtually every circumstance – Gail’s daughter approached her only a few weeks later. She asked her mother for help to take herself and the children in because she was divorcing her husband.

The spell had been broken.

Gail’s daughter also started working with NARP so as to detox the narcissistic husband out of her system, parent and create healthy powerful boundaries.  By doing this, he lost the advantage of her previous fear to abuse her with. She also set up powerful parallel parenting plans.

I know 100%, because I’ve seen it happen so many times in other people’s lives as well as in my life with my own son Zac, that if Gail had stayed in the same emotional devastation that she was previously in, none of this would have happened.

If you want your life to change regarding the people you love, then you need to become the change that you seek, from the inside out.

Step Number Three: Replace Blame and Resentment With Love

One of the most vital transitions you need to go through to help the people whom you love is to stop blaming and shaming them. It’s very common and of course understandable, to be angry and upset with this person you love for turning their back on you or siding with the narcissist against you.

Many people get confused regarding boundaries versus resentment. To help somebody awaken and re-enter your life, and their own life healthily, you must engage the power of love. Which means seeing and holding them in love without any personal hurt of your own being involved.

You may have to work really hard at this with NARP in order to shift out all vestiges of blame, resentment and hurt.

Remember, love heals, resentment hinders.

This does not mean drop your boundaries. If the person whom you love is infiltrating and damaging your boundaries, then enforce them, lovingly and directly and honestly.

That is what real love does. You are not loving another honestly by forfeiting your boundaries and hurting yourself to try to make them happy or love you. That’s a false love economy.

Let me share with you the following example.

Don is another NARP member who was doing the inner work regarding his son being in business with a very toxic narcissist determined to keep him away from Don and the family.

Yet, his son would come to Don to borrow money because of his business losses. The interactions went like this, every few months or so Don’s son made contact, but it was only about money. At all other times, he refused to be in contact with the family.

Before working with NARP, Don used to grant money to his son to try to stay in contact, yet after working with NARP and losing his trauma about what was happening with his son, Don started saying ‘No’.

Predictably all contact stopped and was unanswered when Don and his wife would reach out.

However, Don kept working with NARP as instructed to release all his guilt and obligation and trauma and just kept bringing in the highest possibility of resolution, which was his son awakening into his own infinite inner wisdom, thus evolving beyond the abuse.

It’s what happened – Don’s son left his business partner, returned to the family fold and started taking legal action against the narcissist.

Having to Work With This Differently

Until you understand Quantum Law, you may think that what I am talking about is some new-age fluffy theory.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Our own awakening is to realise how intrinsically and powerfully our own emotional energy is connected to the entire field; especially to those we are bonded to through love.

I know that so many of you in the community are reporting to me that you are really ‘getting it’. There is such a big difference between receiving information and fully embodying it as truth. The latter is what grants you power.

If you are really getting this, I want you to pause this video and write below ‘the cells of my body really get this!’

Until now you may not have realised that through your care and concern you have actually been adding to the situation rather than resolving it. This is why you need to learn to go about this in a different way, and I know that you will be stunned and shocked (beautifully) when you start working at this from the inside out.

In the only way that can truly work – Quantumly.

I can’t recommend enough becoming a NARP member to help those who you love. The wonderful by-product is that, not only will you discover how much you can genuinely assist them, you will also discover your own unlimited expansion, resolutions and breakthroughs that previously only seemed to be a life dream.

To become a NARP member click this link.

And, if you enjoyed this video, and would like to be notified each time a new episode is released, then make sure that you subscribe to receive all of my updates.

Also, please share this episode with those you know who are agonising over what is happening to the people they love.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

They like to disagree with anything you suggest, refuse to turn up or stick to prior arrangements, and mess with your children’s appointments, possessions and heads!

Are you feeling POWERLESS to get this person to see sense and act decently for the sake of the children? Are you sick of watching your children get hurt, distressed, disappointed and even blatantly abused?

If so, I offer you this complete guide to a different way to parent with a narcissist that offers real healing solutions.

Video Transcript

When it comes to co-parenting with narcissists, it really seems impossible because they are not cooperative.

When co-parenting with a narcissist, he or she will commonly use the children to trigger you, affect you, keep you bound up in court and custody battles, and mine narcissistic supply from you.

This is a common way that narcissists continue to abuse ex-partners.

What can help significantly is Parallel Parenting because this can create space, healing and power for you. It removes your children from their parents’ battles and also helps you to detach and heal into being the solid, powerful influence that your children need you to be.

Before we get started, I’d like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my YouTube channel – and if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. If you find this resource helpful, please share it with anyone you know who may need it too.

Now, let’s dive in.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel Parenting is a co-parenting experience where the parents disengage from each other and have limited direct contact. Parallel parenting is about enforcing boundaries and then holding them.

Parallel parenting means that you have separate parenting experiences. At first, it can seem really counter-intuitive to do this, yet I promise you that this is the healthiest thing for your children.

One of the ways that continued contact between you and your narcissistic ex damages your children – even more than you could possibly imagine – is if they see you traumatised, feeling powerless, acquiescing and handing away yourself, rights and boundaries.

This creates your children’s template to be abused or abusive when they get older. It’s what they will likely work from because it forms the foundations of their inner, learned Love Code.

The narcissist can also line you up by triggering you to then turn your children against you – by making you out as the ‘bad’ one.

Naturally, it can be very confronting for you to adopt that level of detachment, especially when the narcissist has your children.

most definitely we would love to have input into our children’s well-being when they are with the narcissist. But the narcissist knows this and it becomes one of the greatest hooks s/he will use to abuse you and potentially your children.

Doing What is Instinctively Natural DOESN’T Work.

Monitoring, lecturing and prescribing to a narcissist does not make them a better parent. In fact, it energises them to act against you and the children, and to use whatever it takes to keep triggering and punishing you.

This doesn’t just result in the children being disappointed, let down, neglected or abused. It also means that you become more traumatised and distraught, affecting your ability to be a solid, stable, calm and peaceful influence for your children.

So, above all else, you want to take this power away from the narcissist. The more you feel victimised, brutalised and resenting of the narcissist and co-parenting situation, the more painful the feeling of being victimised, brutalised and resentful will be, and the more you will co-generate these experiences with the narcissist.

Narcissists are a spiritual soul mirror of the most ferocious magnitude. Simply feeling traumatised by them, even without contact, feeds these people the physical energy to keep doing what they are doing.

I know it’s tough; I know it’s horrific.

My heart goes out to you in spades, because I don’t think there is anything more traumatising and serious than when our children are affected.

To survive this and then Thrive for yourself and your children, regardless of the narcissist co-parent, means that you need to find another way to deal with the situation – a way that works.

You need true solutions for you and your children, and I will give them to you in four significant steps.

Step Number 1 – Acceptance

To get started on the healthiest track for you and your children, it’s vital to accept that this co-parenting experience is happening; that you are not dealing with a reasonable person; and that the normal rules of engagement don’t apply.

Stop expecting this person to do the right thing, comply or make co-parenting harmonious. Let go of that requirement and all your triggered traumaregarding it, and start focusing on your Being and generating what you CAN to make the best of the situation.

Know that you are in for the long haul, and accept this too. If you stay mired in the victimised feelings of the situation, not only will it be hard to emerge from it victorious, but it will also be deeply detrimental to your children.

The greatest gift we can ever grant our children is the knowledge that when life gives us lemons, we DO have the resources and the way to make lemonade – regardless of how awful it is.

Passing on our victimisation to our children means they, too, will remain trauma-ridden and continue the cycles of abuse/abused in their lives and their future generations lives. The cycle will continue with them attaching themselves to people who make them feel victimised, let down and abused.

I promise you it is NOT true that we and our children can’t heal when co-parenting is involved.

There are more people in this community having healthy parallel parenting experiences with narcissists than you could imagine. This isn’t some fluke – it’s because they have accepted their situation, rolled up their sleeves and worked very hard at their Beingness and putting in place what is necessary to achieve this.

What else is there to do?

Step Number 2 – Emotional Healing and Detachment

Your emotional triggers are what feed the narcissist the energy needed to keep hurting you.

Triggers that will derail you if left unattended inside you. There are no bigger terrors, I believe, than the ones attached to our children being hurt or the fears of losing them. I know this is some of the most difficult inner work you can ever do.

Yet, no matter how counter-intuitive it is and hard it is to do, if you release these traumas you will emerge from them powerful and solid. You will absolutely be able to take action in powerful, clear ways without being derailed by your inner triggered trauma.

Then, in everyday shenanigans with a narcissist, you’ll know when a certain message does not require a response, whereas before it might have sent you into a spin.

You will be able to have boundaries, hold them and enforce them without fear.

And you will be able to gently, lovingly and solidly respond to your children, in ways that empower them rather than make them drown in deeper victimisation.

This STEP is completely foundational, essential and is truly the difference between struggling with co-parenting and achieving parallel parenting that works. I can’t emphasise this enough!

If you try to parallel parent whilst still triggered, victimised and in non-acceptance of the situation, then you won’t be able to create solidness and safety. This is because the narcissist will still be receiving the psychic energy from you that keeps them going after you for even more narcissistic supply.

Also, you will discover that the right people, assistance, answers, and breakthroughs DON’T come if there are unreleased traumas still screaming inside you.

What comes instead, is Life generating within you, to the letter, more of your already existing traumatised inner programmed beliefs about your situation.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you release the trauma of co-parenting with a narcissist. It is the tool these people who successfully parallel parent use.

Over the years, parents have told me they don’t have time to NARP because of the kids and the battles with the narcissist. Truly, this is when we need to do the inner work the most, and it is the only way I know to start getting off the trauma hamster wheel with a co-parenting narcissistic ex.

Step Number 3 – Create Boundaries and Accountability

The key to successful parallel parenting is to legally create a strict Parenting Plan that contains as much detail as you feel necessary.

The Parenting Plan is about parenting separately. It means you don’t do children’s birthdays together; you have designated times for school and sporting events; and you don’t have contact when dropping off or picking up the children. It also means your ex can’t just turn up at your house at any time.

It’s vital to put a lot of thought into the Parenting Plan so that there are no grey areas and all contact – other than via third-party channels – is eliminated.

Also, you need to include a third-party communication hub such as Our Family Wizard (OFW). OFW is a favoured parallel-parenting communication tool in the Thriver Community.

Once set up, this portal is the only way you and the narcissist communicate. All communication is recorded, can’t be erased, and is admissible in court.

If the narcissist changes the plan for the parenting access or doesn’t even make contact – it is recorded. There is no need for you to, react, fix or mop up the pieces – and it is most important that you don’t!

Your boundaries – coupled with working hard with NARP on any triggers that go off within you – means that you can answer any request that comes through OFW with, ‘This is what I am prepared to do, and this is what I am not prepared to do.’ Do not comply with the narcissist’s demands and changes. Stick to your agreed Parenting Plan.

Then just record, date and collate every incidence. Stay calm, keep shifting out what arises, and DON’T bite back.

The golden rule of using OFW is this: ‘I do not reply to anything personal or abusive or accusatory – period. I don’t comply with any changes to the plan.’

See your solicitor to enforce necessary boundaries. Don’t try to bargain, reason with or get the narcissist to understand – that feeds them exactly the attention they are trying to get from you.

Every step of the way, keep shifting out any fear or pain that is triggered within you with NARP.

When you use the portal correctly, keep releasing inner triggers and don’t respond, the narcissist gets no payoff. He or she can’t extract narcissistic supply and what they are trying to do gets completely exposed.

The narcissist will despise getting nothing from you. If you are in court, give them nothing either. Don’t look at the narcissist or his or her solicitor and only speak directly to the judge.

Then – when you have finally become emotionally disinterested in reacting to the narcissist’s games and are simply dealing in your empowered, inwardly calm and solid way – everything shifts.

Many narcissists truly stop their ridiculous behaviour at this point. I’ve even seen countless narcissists capitulate and give people exactly what they requested regarding custody and settlements.

There is nothing more disconcerting for a narcissist than trying to affect a person who is no longer affected by them. Additionally, this empowerment and calmness often enrages narcissists, who then metaphorically hang themselves with huge outbursts of nastiness. A narcissist unravelling may be recorded on OFW or appear for all to see in a courtroom.

From your side, please don’t ever diagnose the narcissist as having a personality disorder. Don’t try to expose character, but rather, calmly present factual evidence regarding their behaviour.

Many a Thriver has legally won against a narcissist because of this happening. I promise you, the narcissist is nowhere near as powerful as you may think.

Step Number 4 – Become A Thriver For You and Your Child

I totally believe that all of us, including our children, have at soul level made no mistakes about the learning, healing and growing journeys that we go through.

I know how well my son and countless children of other Thrivers have fared in this Community because of what we went through with them and because we led the way. Instead of staying victimised and telling our children how bad our life and their lives were because of being with narcissists – we do something completely different.

We keep shifting out trauma and becoming wiser, more real, solid and true, regardless of what happened to us, what we lost or what the narcissist continued to try to do.

Leading by example, we teach our children incredible healing and empowerment because of what happened to us.

As a result of working hard on our inner wounds, we can clean up all the internal barriers to being self-generative. We can start emerging healthier and more able to create security, lifeforce, joy and resources. We are able to release the hooks of dependency that make us hand our power away to abusers.

By doing so, we become more evolved parents – despite circumstances – than we have ever previously been.

When Zac, my son, and I did a Facebook live presentation together recently, he shared how previously he couldn’t stand being around me – my victim energy was so toxic. Because of not healing myself effectively, I was completely absent for him. It wasn’t until I knew my biggest mission for Zac was to get well – that he did as well. And thank goodness I did realise, because I nearly once lost him to parent alienation and then again to a drug and alcohol addiction.

All of these things are now in the past – and we couldn’t be closer as Mother and Son.

Such a shift within us as parents means that when our children are dismayed by the narcissist’s poor, disappointing or hurtful behaviour, we can fully validate how hurtful this feels but stop reinforcing their helplessness and victimisation. This will happen when you don’t rubbish the other parent but empower your children instead.

You can do this by teaching them their worth, boundaries and rights through your own calm, clear actions. Also, by expressing to them how much you love them, see them and believe in them, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing (including the narcissistic parent).

I can’t tell you how many special children, who are connected to Thriver parents in this community, are doing their own internal, organic versions of Quanta Freedom Healing™, as a result of living with their Thriver parent. Even young children.

Imagine being four years of age, and letting go of internal trauma and filling up with Source Energy as a result of living with a parent who does this! It is happening, and we are leading the way for these little Quantum Beings!

As the result of a healing and evolving parent leading the way, these children – as adults – will not need to continue unconsciously being involved in abusive relationships in order to awaken to their healing and evolution back to themselves.

What an incredible gift to get this out of the way so young! Can you imagine if we could have? Can you understand how this sets up future generations to be conscious, authentic and free from abuse?

I so hope this video has helped.

As I said before, it is completely my belief that if you are co-parenting you need all the support, power and inner shifting you can get – for you and your children.

I invite you to join me in the 16-Day Recovery course, where I will take you through a Quanta Freedom Healing to get you started.

You can do this by clicking this link.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Is my adult child a narcissist? is one of the most devastating questions a parent can ask.

Some years ago, I went through this terrible trauma myself.

In today’s Thriver TV I want to help you realise what is necessary for you to know whether or not your child is narcissistic…

…and how to BE your most healthy and powerful, for all concerned, and possibly able to discover that your adult child isn’t narcissistic and is capable of being respectful and loving.

Regardless of the outcome, there is an even more powerful truth that you will need to watch today’s video to understand.

It’s my most heartfelt wish today, if you are struggling with the agony of your child being narcissistic, that this episode will help grant you peace, strength and direction.

Video Transcript

Many people in this Community have asked this question.

In fact, once upon a time I asked this question myself.

In Today’s Thriver TV Episode, I want to help you understand whether or not your adult child is being narcissistically abusive and, even more than this, I want to help you understand how you need to BE to help yourself regardless of the outcome.

Please listen up, because I know if this is your situation this episode is going to help you a lot.

Okay … before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s get started…

What We Thought WOULD Help

First of all, I want to address many of the false premises we often believe as parents that do not help our children in any shape or form.

The main ones are:

That we help our children by giving them all we can to help them.

It doesn’t help!

When we don’t allow our children to experience actions and consequences and disappointments, and by doing so allow them to become self-generative, they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves or get well.

Let me tell you about a father I know called Laurence who had his 23-year-old daughter Emily living with him. Emily, a highly intelligent and capable girl, had been through a lot due to Laurence and her mother’s breakup.

Laurence felt extremely guilty because of this. She lived with Laurence rent free, didn’t contribute any money to bills, and stayed at home all day because she said that she was too depressed to work.

Emily constantly demanded money from her father for cigarettes and her entertainment costs, which Laurence gave her every time she threw a tantrum to get her own way. It could be argued that Emily absolutely was acting narcissistically – the way she talked to her father and treated him was abysmal.

Nothing was changing and Emily did not have to be any different. She had a guaranteed roof over her head and could get pretty much anything she wanted.

Which brings me to the next point…

Our children are never going to be self-generative or respectful and grateful if we try to shoulder them and let them take the easy way out. We may believe that by taking the burden for them we are helping protect them and allowing them to get well. However, really what is happening is that we are holding our children back, just as a mother bird would be by not nudging her babies out of the nest.

When our children have never had to flap their wings and learn to fly for themselves, their self-esteem is diminished and they are held back from branching out, taking risks and growing.

For our children this means that they are likely to be depressed, feel inferior and incapable, and as a result lash out and take it out on the people closest to them.

I went through this too, with my son Zac. Whilst he was depressed, addicted to drugs and stuck at home, with me allowing him to be there and looking after him he didn’t get better. Of course, whilst this was happening I was still lecturing and prescribing – which were my futile attempts to try to get him motivated. It was when I forced Zac to move out at 19 years of age and I started working diligently on myself to stop seeing him as broken and hopeless, that he came into his power and light.

Truly, I was so close to believing he was a narcissist – and yet he is anything but. Rather he was sick and was being enabled by me to stay sick. Also, whilst my son Zac stayed at home, I was receiving the abuse from him that I didn’t yet understand wasn’t my reality.

When I became clear and stood into my power, values and truth for my life, he followed.

What Is Necessary When Suffering Trauma From Your Child?

How do you know if your child is narcissistic or not? The truth is you won’t know until you get clear on your own healing, solidness, values and truth.

And I really want you to know this from the very bottom of my heart. If you have an adult child who you suspect is acting narcissistically, you are not going to help them get well or make them start treating you decently and respectfully until you start respecting yourself and take a stand in your truth.

I have seen parent upon parent in this community, as I did myself for a long time too, try to stop the terrible trauma that their adult child was causing them when they themselves (the parent) were still broken and traumatised.

It doesn’t work … I have NEVER seen it work.

I really don’t think there is any time that Quantum Law is more important and more vital for us to get right than when we are dealing with the challenges and heartbreak we are suffering with our children.

Quantum Law is so within, so without.

What does that really mean? It means ‘be the change you want to see’. I think it would be fair to say that we want to see decency, respect and integrity from our children who are hurting us.

This means that you need to be this for yourself for this to show up outside of you as your experience in your experience – from anyone you are struggling with, including your child!

What would decency, respect and integrity to ‘self’ look like?

Let’s go back to Laurence and Emily. To Laurence these things would mean getting money for board and bills, and to only accept non-abusive communication. Also to lay down boundaries and time limits that Emily would need to honour otherwise she would need to move out.

We may not realise at the time that maybe it is our own guilt we are pandering to, or the fear of our children not loving us, rather than thinking about the consequences of enabling our children in their stuckness. Emily wasn’t getting well any more than any of our children do when we leave things the way they are, hoping something will change.

Quantum Law is absolute – nothing changes in your experience that isn’t pleasant until you change who you are being in the dynamic. Laurence wasn’t changing. He was doing the same thing – trying to make Emily change whilst he wasn’t loving and respecting himself.

How was she ever going to love and respect herself and him when he, as her parent, wasn’t being this for himself. She wasn’t and couldn’t. She continued smoking, drinking, refusing to work and contribute, and being abusive towards his father.

Because Laurence was being abused and drained of his lifeforce and resources, he got sicker and sicker. He started drinking as well, to numb out his pain. He couldn’t expand on his business ideas, and had unsuccessful dating experiences, all because he couldn’t be present and healthy in his Life as a result of Emily’s pressure and demands.

This is the deal with our adult children – if we allow them to stay sick we get sick and we drown with them.

There is only one way out and that is to lead the way. And it is only after we do this that we then see if they are narcissistic or not.

In the cases of my son Zac and Emily, they were never going to get well the way things were and neither were Laurence and I. However, I am so happy to report that Laurence and his daughter finally understood what I did.

It was several years after my situation with Zac that I helped Laurence get very clear on what was necessary. This is what I told him, ‘When you know that loving and respecting yourself is the most important thing here, then Emily will have the chance to move up and join you. Otherwise it can never happen.’

Laurence did a lot of work on himself with NARP to shift out of his terrible feelings of guilt and obligation, as well as the fear of losing Emily altogether. Then he calmly and clearly told her she had a month to get a job and that she would need to pay for board and bills from this date on.

She didn’t take him seriously and when the date came, Lawrence told her calmly and clearly to pack her stuff and leave. She called him every terrible name she could think of. He held his ground and did not capitulate. Emily moved in with a girlfriend, who naturally was not going to put up with paying Emily’s way.

Emily got a job in a café within a week. Every time she asked Laurence for money he said ‘No’. Emily stopped drinking and smoking and started saving for the things she needed and wanted.

Today, only three years later, she works as a successful graphic designer in her own business that she loves. She and her father have a great relationship.

When Emily moved out, Laurence said he would hang up or refuse to talk to her if she was abusive – and he did. Two years ago Emily thanked her father profusely for setting those boundaries with her and has apologised liberally for her past behaviour towards him. She loves and respects her father immensely. His door was always open to her when she was being like that!

Emily did a complete 180 degree turn on the way she used to treat her father, because he loves and respects himself.

Absolutely Laurence had to go through a great deal of discomfort and pain – he had to keep holding his boundaries and continually let go of his guilt and his wanting to rescue her. Look at the results – just as it was with my own son Zac. Walking our truth powerfully and calmly, and keeping working on ourselves inwardly with NARP, created the solid healthy inner and then outer template for our children.

Our children often follow and develop into where we go. Emily may have turned out to be narcissistic if Laurence had continued with his own powerless, co-dependent behaviour. As it turned out both he and his daughter ended up being whole, healthy, self-generative people.

Honestly, as parents it only takes us to lead the way.

When Your Adult Child Is a Narcissist

I do know many people within this community who devastatingly have suffered a child who is narcissistic. In the case of your adult child being this way it can be terrible, especially if they have children as well. Many a grandparent has had the grandchildren used against them horribly by their narcissistic adult children or step-children.

I want to share with you this story about Jeanee and David whose adult narcissistic daughter Marina was abusing them terribly.

Marina would use her parents constantly for babysitting duties for her four young children. Jeanee and David loved their grandchildren but struggled greatly with their daughter’s demands, accusations, anger and inconsistencies.

Often they went through the gut-wrenching times when Marina would threaten to never let them see the children again. The children, whilst in their grandparent’s care, would tell them what terrible things their mother had said about them. This broke their hearts, especially as Marina expected them to do so much for the grandchildren – things that she wasn’t taking responsibility to do herself.

There was never gratitude, just abuse for their love and efforts.

When Jeanee contacted me, she said that Marina had been difficult all their lives, and now that these four precious babies were in the mix as well it was literally killing her and her husband. I convinced Jeanee that the most important thing for her and her husband, as well as her grandchildren – and even Marina – was for her, Jeanee, to lead the way and get well.

Jeanee worked with NARP, letting go of the trauma within her that Marina was inflicting. She also did healings on her husband and her grandchildren by proxy. Jeanee felt calmer and more confident with what she was dealing with, and saw a bigger picture that she was working towards.

Jeanee started laying boundaries with her daughter, requesting she contact them ahead of time to make arrangements and to end the last-minute demands. And Jeanee stopped allowing her love for her grandchildren to allow her to be manipulated and abused. If they missed a doctor’s appointment or didn’t get to school on time, that was not her responsibility.

At times it broke her heart not jumping to Marina’s attention for her grandchildren, but she understood that often you have to lose the battle to win the war – and she was determined to be the model of love, truth and integrity that she wanted these little ones to become in their lives.

The inevitable happened. With the boundaries she set came Marina’s nasty efforts to rip the boundaries down. That didn’t work and so the next, quite common, thing happened – Marina pulled her trump card on Jeanee telling her she wouldn’t see the children again.

Through a torrent of tears Jeanee shared this with me, and I kept lovingly bringing her back to the Quantum Truth of so within, so without. I said, ‘If you look after emotion first, if you release all of this trauma from inside, the space opens up for positive and healthy change.’

Jeanee got to work, and that is exactly what she did. She got stuck into her NARP Modules daily to keep upholding her truth and strength. A week and a half later Marina contacted her asking her to look after the children. Jeanne responded by saying she would send Marina an email laying out the limits to this – the healthy boundaries Jeanee needed to have respected to be a part of Marina’s life.

Jeanee got an abusive email back from Marina, but rather than reply Jeanee went inwards again to release what this exchange had brought up within her. Two days later Marina sent her an email agreeing to the boundaries.

Jeanee to this day has to walk a determined line with Marina, and has also had to let go of any expectation of having a healthy and happy relationship with her. However, she sees her grandchildren regularly and she and her husband have them during school holidays for extended periods of time, which they love.

The grandchildren are all so much healthier since Jeanee’s shift, and I have no doubt that their grandmother’s dependable, empowered role modelling of aligned values, truth and respect is calling them to follow.

Can you imagine if this hadn’t happened? They would have had even more role models of trauma, powerlessness and victimhood.

The Ultimate ‘Lose It All To Get It All’

I remember once hearing the expression about enabling others to hurt us and take from us, is like watering their lawn whilst ours turns brown and dies.

Not only are we not teaching them to be self-generative and inwardly fulfilled, we are killing ourselves in the process. The truth is, if we stay sick and are sick in any dynamic, we are not in a position to help anyone and we only contribute to the toxic sickness.

In Emily’s case, Laurence had to risk her failing at looking after herself and leaving him for good. But something spectacular happens when necessity becomes a driving force – people step up. Something else extraordinary happens when we start to love and approve of ourselves and actualise what that really is in real-time – key people in our life start to love and approve of us unconditionally too.

In the case of Jeanee and Marina, Marina didn’t want to have full responsibility for her children. She needed her mother and was going to treat her as badly as her mother would allow it. When Jeanee no longer allowed that bad treatment, it stopped. More than this – as it is for all of us – when we release the painful trauma of the losses of those and that closest to our hearts, and reach the full resolution of being the example we wish to be, live and see in our world, calmly and lovingly, then we often receive these people and things back in our life.

Gosh, it’s huge. And when our children and grandchildren are concerned it takes everything we have – but what choice do we have when we break it all down and understand the deeper layers of the Quantum Truth of all of this?

If we want to be healthy and have a healthy world, and for our future generations to be well, there is nothing else to do but heal ourselves and lead the way.

So, I hope that this TTV had helped grant you some goals, direction, and power regarding your difficulties with your adult children.

Also please know there are beautiful people in this Community who have had no option other than to let go and go No Contact with their children. We may think that this would be a trauma that would destroy us, yet I promise you that the people working with NARP who have made this decision have been able to get to peace and free themselves to live their full lives. Such is the extent of detoxing from trauma that NARP creates.

It ALWAYS comes back to the same thing – heal ourselves and then all that is healthy can and will follow. We can’t make other people healthy – we can only lead the way by being that ourselves.

Is that clear – does it really make sense?

If so, I want you to write: ‘If my mission is my healthiness, then I inspire all of life in the healthiest of ways.’

If you are ready to make your inner and then outer worlds healthy, for you and your future generations, join me by clicking this link. Today you can start a deep dive into the step-by-step proven formula to make this happen.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

I’m always SUPER PASSIONATE about this topic.

The reason being is because I SO want our children to heal, and for our world to shift out of narcissistic abuse patterns.

I nearly lost my own son due to my and his trauma from narcissistic abuse, so I deeply know the loss, trauma and suffering so many parents have been through or are going through.

There is nothing more devastating than watching our children be abused, neglected or manipulated and feeling POWERLESS to stop it. And, when reaching out to authorities for their help discovering, to our dismay and disbelief, that they often turn away and even further abuse us and our children.

What can we do?

Is there anything that does work in this heartbreaking and devastating situation?

Truly, there is.

Myself, and so many others, in this community, have turned around the most HOPELESS situations you could imagine regarding what is happening to our children.

This Thriver TV episode is for you and every parent suffering the unspeakable trauma of trying to help your children who are suffering narcissistic abuse.

Video Transcript

This topic today is very serious. If you are a parent dealing with your child being hurt by a narcissist, I really want you to watch this.

Our children are precious to us, they are innocent and defenceless, and it is up to us to protect them as much as we can.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to share with you why what we instinctively do to try to help our children doesn’t work with narcissists, and how to turn this around so that we can truly help our children.

And I promise you this, after going through terrible events with my own son suffering as well as helping countless adults with their children over the last ten plus years, that what I am sharing with you today works and it’s not reliant on the narcissist changing or even other people helping you.

You alone can set in motion what is necessary to protect and help your children.

Okay … so before we dive deep into the meat of today’s episode, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

What Not To Do As A Parent

I’m going to be really straight with you, and I know that this can be so hard to hear – but I want to do everything I can to help you and your children because I am so passionate about this topic.

Our children are our future, and if we want narcissistic abuse to stop, the buck must stop here, so that this terrible scourge of abuse / abused it is not passed down through the generations.

Of course, there is no greater trauma than watching our children suffer at the hands of another. I’ve been through it too, I know how agonising it is to feel completely powerless to stop your child being hurt. And, what usually happens to every parent going through this is, no matter how hard you try to help your child, or get them to see reason, or get systems and authorities to help, that just doesn’t happen.

This is WHY we have to work with this ANOTHER way, a way that works. A Quantum Way, where we enlist the indisputable Laws of Life that are as absolute as gravity.

I want you to know that when you do this, you aren’t powerless.

But let’s first look at the ways we have been trying to help our children, ways that only make matters worse. These were all the things I used to do too.

The first huge issue is being in JUDGEMENT of what is happening. And I know you may already be jumping up and down and wanting to throttle me, for me telling you this being in judgement to the horrible situation your children are going through with a narcissist is ‘wrong’.

I’m not saying it is ‘wrong’ I totally understand why you would see it is ‘wrong’. I personally don’t give a damn about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, I’m much more focused on what is going to be effective. What I am saying is you judging this as wrong is NOT going to help your child in any shape or form, which of course isn’t the result you want to produce.

Let me explain why ‘judgement ‘doesn’t work.

A powerful Quantum Law is this:

Whatever you are in judgement about you deeply cement further in your experience.

And …

Whatever you are in acceptance of and start working WITH to transform healthily, means you can change it.

As well as, if you try to change anyone outside of you to make your emotions feel better it won’t work (including things with your children). And of course, this is the same with the narcissist when we have tried to stop them doing what they are doing to our children.

It has certainly been my personal experience that when I tried to lecture and prescribe to my child, and control what he was or wasn’t doing, that he would only push back and do it more. It was the same with the narcissist. Can you as a parent relate? If so, I’d love to hear from you about this in the comments below!

In Quantum Truth you have to shift YOUR feelings first and then everything can shift. You are in a position to be able to influence that person and situation to meet you where you already are at.

This was my 100% proof of the truth of this (and I’ve seen the same happen for many parents with their children), when I let go of damning my son’s state because of the narcissistic abuse and damage he and I had gone through, and instead accepted that his and my soul journey was perfect for his and my healing and evolution, everything shifted.

And then I got down to the business of deeply devoting and applying myself to my own inner healing to lead the way.

It was then that I stopped being distraught, lecturing, prescribing and controlling, which of course had been coming from my own inner place of brokenness and helplessness. Instead, I started to show up for myself and my son seeing and believing deep within my soul that his innate inner wisdom could and would do the same. I recognised that his journey was unfolding perfectly for him, and my greatest duty was to be as healthy as I could and lead the way.

With this orientation my son, Zac very quickly emerged from a hopeless situation of trauma fuelled addiction to awakening into his power. Not from a place of my ‘doingness’ but in response to my ‘beingness’.

What We Must Let Go of ‘Doing’ Whilst Trying To Help Our Children

• Holding them responsible for our emotions
• Requiring our children to be a certain way for us to be healthy
• Carrying guilt and shame regarding what has happened to our children
• Fixating on and obsessing about what is happening to them
• Trying to fix, lecture and prescribe to them
• Blaming and shaming our children or others in front of them
• Telling them about ours and their victimisation and how bad other people are.

All of the above only causes more of the pain and trauma that we and our children are stuck in. It increases victimisation, which then means more victimisation happen. So within, so without.

What We Need To Do To Help Our Children

I go into great detail in Chapter 18 in my book You Can Thrive after Narcissistic Abuse about my journey with Zac as well as the shift from Unconscious to Conscious Parenting. And I promise you this doesn’t just happen for older children, it can for younger ones too. The truth is at ANY age, where our energy goes is where our children’s energy goes too.

It is vital that we focus determinedly on our own healing so that we can be the safe, solid, wise and calm parent who is there for our children.

I love the aeroplane metaphor – about how we are told if the aeroplane loses oxygen to always put your oxygen mask on first before assisting anyone else.

This is the worst mistake I see parents commonly make (and I made it too) they are trying to help their own children heal and get empowered when they are failing to take responsibility to lead by example. They are not first and foremost healing themselves. This is as dangerous for our children as it is someone trying to save another person when they themselves are suffocating and distressed.

If we are devastated about what is happening to our child at the hand of a narcissist and we see and feel it like this, then this is exactly what will continue as the experience we experience from our children in our experience. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

However, if we have enough of our own healing underway, we are into a place of calm, power, and solidness that is much less distressing and destabilising than our previous victimhood. When we are sane and safe with enough oxygen (consciousness) then we are in a position to help our children for real.

There is also the very real phenomenon of Quantum Entanglement meaning that where our energy goes our children’s does as well, often there is nothing we must do for them to get well, as we do ourselves, they organically do as well.

And this has nothing to do with what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. What it means is even if our children are very young, they have the ability to navigate, be themselves, not be exploited by the narcissist as they were previously, and as they get older they are able to anchor into their own authenticity and true identity without the narcissist being able to derail them. No longer are they being personally poisoned by a False Self, they become a True Self, empowered, impervious to abuse and incredibly evolved, capable and flourishing.

I wrote about Beatrice, a highly dedicated Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program member, and her young son who she shares custody with a narcissist with, in my book on Page 228.

This is what she said:

“Two years ago I was a wreck; I had severe insomnia if I did sleep. At the time my son was given the labels of having ADHD, anxiety, depressive symptoms and much more. He was only twelve months old. Now he no longer has these ‘labels’, which were due to him being triggered terribly by trauma., and I can proudly say that at thirty-nine years of age, I’ve never been in better shape physically, mentally and emotionally myself.

Today’s my son’s brilliance is staggering; his comprehension of the entire situation boggles my mind., and his ability to discern situations and ‘vote with his feet’ has become so obvious that I have little concern for him navigating the world or with the narcissist … and he’s not yet four! As I have emerged, my child has show strength and fortitude well beyond his years. He is thoughtful and highly empathetic, he is quick to express his emotions and he is able to express that emotions are just sensations in his body – and he’s rather let them out! He has many wonderful ways in which he does this. After me doing the work on him by proxy, he organically and intuitively started following my lead! I am awed by him and he just gets brighter and brighter and more and more gorgeous!”

I really hope Beatrice’s story helps give you hope because we receive these messages of breakthroughs for parents and their children most days in the NARP Community.

Let’s now look at what happens for us and our children when we make the shift to lead the way:

• We accept and bless the growth lessons our children go through and support them with love and space, rather than judgement and control.
• We model for our children honesty, humility, authenticity, and vulnerability.
• We show our children by example how to anchor into and create a relationship with their inner selves.
• We teach our children detachment from unhealthy others without judgement, no longer handing our power away by making them responsible for ourselves.
• By example, we teach our children that their inner state and power doesn’t depend on what other people are or aren’t doing.

Additionally, we:

• Grant trust and space to see and feel that our children have the inner wisdom and resources (and they do!) to find their way, and …
• We help them develop and grow into solid, whole actualised beings, beyond neediness, even for us!

Truly we cannot take anyone where we have not gone ourselves. Are you really starting to understand this now?

Gosh, I hope so because our and our children’s wellbeing, as well as their future generations, to evolve beyond abuse abused trauma patterns so depends on this!

Helping Your Children In Every Narcissistic Situation

Please know your empowerment and leading the way helps for every situation your child may be facing regarding narcissistic abuse – such as a narcissistic friend, narcissistic boss or a narcissistic spouse.

The formula is the same, heal yourself and how you feel about it and then you will find your child starts becoming what you now feel about them, coming into their true power, and/or will seek you for advice regarding their situation, where through your own empowerment you know how to guide them.

Your child doesn’t have to live with you for this to happen, truly.

Also please know this formula has also proved to be incredibly effective for parents who have been alienated from their children, in reaching peace and then being reunited through often the most miraculous of circumstances.

Okay, so, I can’t wait to continue this discussion and answer your questions regarding this, because as I said this is a topic very dear to my heart. I’m deeply committed to helping us lead the way for our children and changing our world.

If you are ready to take a stand for you and your children, I want to invite you to come over to my 16 Day free course, where you start healing you and your children and become the generative force leading the way.

Okay so if you liked this video, click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos subscribe and so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with other parents this video, so that they can help their children for real too.

Being a parent is one of the world’s hardest (if not the hardest) jobs.

Where is that handbook!?

Certainly, many of us have struggled with being parents, and after being narcissistically abused and seeing what this puts our children through, our parenting overwhelm is even more accentuated.

How can we heal our children when we are barely surviving ourselves?

Why is our selfless desire to make sure they are okay before we attend to ourselves NOT working?

Many of you, like myself, have been tormented by the pain, confusion and acting out our children are doing, yet feel powerless to help them.

This is why I passionately wanted to do this video to help you ensure your children grow up as conscious, empowered Thrivers, able to happily, powerfully and authentically generate an excellent life for themselves.

I believe this is one of the most important Thriver TV Episodes I have ever created, and I explain WHY our actions for our children are not helping them and how to recreate our parenting in ways that will, as well as their future generations.

Video Transcript

Hi, and welcome to Thriver TV, the place to break free from narcissistic abuse with Quantum Tools and Understandings. If you still need to subscribe to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

This Thriver TV episode is for existing parents and those who wish to be parents one day. If you are not a parent, you may pass this information to someone who is because. What I am about to share with you today is the most critical information you could ever know as a parent. In fact, this information is so impactful that it will affect your children and future generations.

I don’t know about you, but I was a hyper-vigilant mother and thought I knew best. I was traumatised beyond measure, falling apart at the seams after narcissistic abuse, but I still believed I knew what was right for my son.

He was struggling, angry, scared, confused and didn’t know how to process what had happened to him or me as a result of the narcissistic marriage that we had both suffered. I was a nervous wreck, barely eating and functioning whilst simultaneously feeling shockingly guilty about what I had put him through.

I was being called up to the school for his poor behaviour. He was terribly depressed and starting to turn to substance abuse. The more he acted out, the more I tried to drag him off to people to help him get better.

What I didn’t realise then is what most parents mistakenly believe after narcissistic abuse, that our well-being should come after our children’s. We don’t need to look after ourselves until we ensure they are okay.

I know how initially it is counter-intuitive for us to spin this around. The way that works for my son, and in fact, all our children, is that we don’t need other people to help them get better, rather, they need us to get better, and then they can get better.

Our children come from us, and I believe that at the Quantum Level, their cells are involved in our ‘quantum entanglement’. Similar to cells separated by space can be intrinsically interconnected; when we shift, they simultaneously shift.

I have seen so much evidence in my own life of this with my son, as well as thousands of other Thrivers who report on most days the difference with their children due to their own healing. I believe this to be true and feel it as truth deep within my cellular being. This shift happens even when we don’t see them and, certainly, even when we have not physically imparted any information to them. It simply occurs organically, and every shift we do in our own body has a flow-on effect on them also.

Try this on for yourself. I want you to say this out loud three times,

‘Where my energy goes is where my child’s energy goes’.

Now you can feel how your body responds to this statement, different from what your head would like to say about it. It’s the feeling in our body that always gauges whether or not something is true. It is a real statement if it feels powerful, warm, and solid.

Now let’s look at how we can lead the way so our children can reclaim their birthright to be happy, healthy, empowered, and real people with great deservedness and boundary function.

Putting Your Oxygen Mask on First

There is a very good reason why aeroplane safety information includes putting on one’s oxygen mask BEFORE trying to assist others. If you are gasping for air, how can you rescue someone else? In fact, you could do them more harm than good.

Think about this: when you are highly traumatised and feeling horribly guilty about what you have done to your child and triggered into all sorts of inner wounded programs, how will your ‘coming across to your child’ appear.

It will appear exactly like mine used to with my son, ‘off’, controlling, anxious, needy, powerless and absolutely not leading by example.

Why would you believe someone trying to sell you a health program if they were obese? Would you take advice on property investment from someone living in a home crumbling around them?

Why on earth would our children listen to our suggestions to get better when we are a red-hot mess ourselves? Our children aren’t stupid; they know when we are not alright, and quite frankly, they struggle to be right.

Don’t Lie to Your Children

My huge mistake was hiding things and telling lies to my son to protect him. I don’t know where I read it once (maybe someone can enlighten me on this or a similar study) that families with lies are even more dysfunctional than ones with more severe issues such as addictions.

I really believe this for a variety of reasons. Every child is incredibly perceptive. They have an active inner being that knows stuff, such as Mum or Dad is sad, not okay, and something is wrong. So, this child asks, ‘Mum (or Dad), are you okay? What’s wrong?’ Then our standard answer is, ‘Don’t worry, I promise nothing is wrong’, yet that is a big fat lie. Our child then thinks, ‘Mum or Dad must be right, and I must be wrong, so I’m not going to trust my gut feeling anymore’.

Wow, do you get it? Those of us who have been narcissistically abused, how dangerous is this for our future relationships? I really hope you.

Plus, we are teaching our children to stuff feelings, hide them and not be authentic. A much healthier answer would be, “Mummy is sad. I want you to know it’s not your fault, and I will do everything I can to sort this out. It’s okay to be sad and work through things, and it’s part of what makes us human.’

One of my passionate suggestions to parents who work in the NARP Program is to let their children know that they are meeting trauma in their body and loading it up and releasing it. Tell them you will do a session where there may be some noise when you let go of the trauma, but it’s perfectly okay.

After these healing sessions, they will know how effective and good this is for you when they experience the shift within you.

Teaching our children by example that it is healthy and normal to turn inward when they feel emotional pain and confusion to claim and release it and shift it out is an important lesson. They will know there is a way to deal directly with inner trauma because running from themselves sets them up for self-avoidance and self-medicating addictions. This is incredibly empowering and liberating for them.

Many Thrivers have reported over the years that their children naturally perform mini Quanta Freedom Healing sessions on themselves, imagining their trauma loading up and releasing through their heads and then bringing light down into the space where the trauma was.

Our children are far more cellularly evolved beings than ourselves. They are little mega quantum machines that can learn such procedures powerfully and quickly, simply by observing what we do if we don’t hide it from them.

Stop Lecturing and Prescribing

As a previously highly co-dependent and controlling mother, I used to sit my son down and lecture him for hours to make him ‘get it’. Of course, he would eventually capitulate and tell me what I wanted to hear to get rid of me, but no internal shift or change had happened.

When I started to heal myself, I learned that he didn’t need to get it; I needed to lead and get it myself. If he was irresponsible about not having money or petrol in his car to get to work, I could stop driving and let him suffer the consequences instead of recusing him and spending hour upon hour lecturing him afterwards.

I learnt this: if I drown by doing actions that impact me, drain my energy, and make me sick, he goes where I do and becomes sicker. Yet when I look after my energy and state ‘no’ to being emptied out of my time, energy and resources when he needs to generate his own, he will go where I do, into empowerment and wellbeing.

He can start to take a stand for himself when I take a stand for him.

You may want to read this transcript a few times and absorb it because it is true.

The Most Important Way to Lead

You have to become healthy for your child. The Quantum Law is vital to understand when our most precious commodity, our children, is involved.

It’s this Quantum Law: so within, so without. Whatever you feel will be passed on and impact your children 100%.

If you feel terribly guilty about what you have put them through, you will continue to act in these ways, and they will receive you in ways that make you more regretful. Using Quanta Freedom Healing, lose the guilt so it no longer exists. We now have the tools to do this for our and our children’s well-being.

If co-parenting, the same goes for fearing for your children or resenting the narcissist. Your fear does not protect them; it generates more fear within them and more things to fear.

Your resentment does not help them become healthy, empowered, self-generative adults connecting to other healthy, effective and wholesome people. It teaches them to cling to people they resent and that they don’t have the power to provide for themselves.

Your children will never learn this unless they see you detach, work on yourself, lose your negative emotions and do empowered pro-actions to generate a healthy, effective life for you and them, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

Additionally, your children will see how toxic people (narcissists) become less and less significant and lose power when not fed by someone else’s toxic emotions.

Conclusion

Ok, this is where we stop kidding that not working on ourselves will cut it, and it doesn’t work for us or our future generations. We have to become the change we want to see for them and not just for them, but also to break the patterns for future generations, away, up and out of abuse.

And please know no matter what age your children are, all the way from a fetus within you to an adult child can benefit from your shift whether they live with you or not. Quantum engagement is that powerful.

I’d love to help you achieve your shift. The first step is to lead the way by signing up for my free 16-day course.

So, until next time, keep smiling, healing, and thriving because there’s nothing else to do.

And I am looking forward to your questions and comments on this topic, which I love and am passionate about.