Today, we’re going to explore how, by reclaiming your True Self and aligning with your 5D ascension path, you can break free from the narcissist’s hold and move forward into a life of true empowerment, abundance, and purpose.

Join us in this episode for transformative insights—watch below:

Explore the key takeaways and 3 transformative Power Intentions below:

Why the Narcissist Fears Your True Self

Let’s talk about why narcissists are drawn to certain people—particularly to those who are empathetic, sensitive, and deeply caring. These qualities are a part of your True Self, and they make you a natural healer, a bringer of peace, and a source of Light. But these same qualities also make you a target for narcissists. They feed off your energy, using you as a source of supply.

However, there’s something important to know: the narcissist’s greatest fear is that you will recognize your worth, reclaim your power, and embody your True Self. When you do, you no longer need them, and they lose their control over you.

Common Energetic Chains from Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse creates many layers of energetic chains that can keep you feeling stuck, small, and fearful. These chains are designed to keep you in a state of self-doubt and dependency, disconnected from your True Self. Some of the common ways these chains manifest include:

• Emotional Addiction – Feeling hooked on the narcissist’s validation, unable to fully let go.
• Fear and Anxiety – Being trapped in survival mode, afraid to speak up or make decisions.
• Belief in Unworthiness – Internalizing their devaluation, making you feel like you don’t deserve better.
• Guilt and Shame – Believing everything is your fault, lowering your sense of self-worth.
• Self-Doubt and Confusion – Constantly questioning your reality due to gaslighting, feeling disconnected from your intuition.
• Energetic Cording – Remaining tied to the narcissist on an energetic level, which drains your life force and vitality.

These chains are exactly what keep you in a 3D reality—bound to survival, fear, and scarcity. But here’s the truth: when you reclaim your True Self and align with your higher purpose, you transcend these limitations and break free from the narcissist’s influence.

The Journey from 3D to 5D: Becoming Your True Self

If you’ve been following my work, you know that I speak often about the journey of ascension from 3D to 5D consciousness. Narcissistic abuse traps people in a 3D existence—an existence of fear, survival, and pain. However, the path to ascension is about moving beyond this and aligning with the higher frequencies of 5D, which are love, unity, and abundance.

In 5D, you’re no longer bound by the narcissist’s control or the trauma of the past. Instead, you’re empowered to live in your full, authentic frequency, creating from your soul and Source.

Reclaiming Your Light and Embracing Your Starseed Mission

Many people who experience narcissistic abuse are intuitive, sensitive souls who feel a deep sense of purpose on this planet. You may even identify as a Starseed or lightworker, here to uplift humanity and assist in the healing of others. This powerful mission becomes activated when you reclaim your True Self.

This is why narcissists are so drawn to your Light and why they also fear it. The very qualities they exploit—your sensitivity, empathy, and caring nature—are also the keys to your liberation and transformation.

As painful as narcissistic abuse is, it often serves as a catalyst that forces you to confront the darker parts of yourself and the world, allowing you to rise above these challenges. By embracing this journey, you step into your True Self, embodying confidence, unity, and a higher purpose.

Power Intentions for Rising into Your True Self

If you’re ready to reclaim your power and align with your True Self, impervious to abusers and abuse, let’s set some powerful intentions to support you in this journey.

• “I am free from all energetic chains and attachments of fear, pain, and suffering. I align my heart, mind, and soul with my highest purpose, transcending all limitations into my true 5D self.”
• “I reclaim my power, releasing all imprints of trauma, doubt, and disempowerment. I activate my Light body, embodying confidence, love, and unity as I fulfill my authentic mission.”
• “I open myself to infinite love, abundance, and connection, knowing my healing is part of a greater mission. I am here to ascend, to inspire, and to guide others toward freedom and wholeness.”

By repeating these intentions, you anchor into the energy of your True Self, transcending the limitations of the past and stepping boldly into your highest purpose.

Join the Spa for the Soul Event to Go Deeper

If this episode resonates with you, and you’re ready to reclaim your True Self and step into your 5D path, I invite you to join me in the Spa for the Soul Ascension Workshop this November. This live, donation-based event will be a powerful experience where we’ll dive into three specific Quanta Freedom Healing shifts designed to help you release the past, activate your Light body, and align fully with your True Self.

In this workshop, we’ll focus on clearing old energetic imprints, integrating cosmic energies of ascension, and reconnecting you with your authentic self. This is your chance to break free from the past, reclaim your power, and become the person you were truly meant to be.

You can sign up at www.melanietoniaevans.com/ascension or type “ascend” in the comments, and I’ll send you the details. Don’t miss this chance to experience deep healing and quantum shifts to help you reach your highest potential.

Thrivers, I want you to know that healing and transformation are not just possible—but they are your destiny. When you become your True Self, you dissolve the narcissist’s influence, step into your power, and fulfill your greater mission. Keep moving forward, keep rising, and remember—you were born to thrive.

If this information resonates with you, please comment and share it with someone in need.

Much love, Thrivers. Until next time, stay connected to your highest self, and remember—you were born to rise. Thrive On! 🦋

If you’re ready to break free from all forms of captivity, let’s dive into the ways narcissists—and even larger systems—keep us tethered and how you can cut those ties to reclaim your true freedom.

Join us in this episode for transformative insights—watch below:

Explore the key takeaways and 3 transformative Power Intentions below:

Understanding the Narcissist’s Grip

Narcissists don’t understand boundaries, freedom, or closure in the way healthy people do. To them, others are sources of energy—resources they want to exploit for as long as possible. When you try to walk away, narcissists leave invisible strings and hooks to keep you emotionally and energetically bound to them, feeding off your reactions and emotions.

Here’s how this invisible “fee” manifests in your life:

• Emotional Debt: Narcissists thrive on your emotional reactions—pain, anger, and longing. Leaving you in emotional turmoil isn’t accidental; it’s part of their plan- to stay tethered to you.
• Mental Intrusion: Unresolved memories, lack of closure, and self-doubt create a psychological loop that keeps you mentally bound to them.
• Energetic Ties: Narcissists often leave psychic cords or energetic ties, feeding on your energy remotely. These cords act like energetic hooks, drawing from your energy even when they’re physically absent.

The Narcissistic Matrix: When Systems Keep You Trapped

This dynamic isn’t limited to individual narcissists; it’s also present in structures like media, finance, and education that create dependency and compliance. Many of these institutions operate from a narcissistic foundation, using manipulation to maintain control.

• Divide-and-Conquer Tactics: These systems manipulate us to see each other as threats, perpetuating division and keeping us from true connection.
• Dependency and Control: Conditioning convinces us that our worth, safety, and identity are tied to these structures, making it difficult to break free.
• Media Manipulation: By shaping narratives, the media often enforces compliance and fear, making us believe that we need them to survive rather than seeking our own truth and autonomy.

These systems function much like individual narcissists, keeping us tethered through fear, misinformation, and dependency.

They Don’t Want You Free: The Narcissist’s True Intent

Whether it’s a person or a societal structure, the goal of narcissistic influence is always control. While a narcissist may “move on” or seem to, they leave emotional shadows and energetic hooks designed to keep you feeling small and powerless. Only by recognizing this can you begin to cut those ties.

• False Redemption: Tactics like love-bombing or guilt manipulation make you believe they’ve changed or that you owe them something, keeping you ensnared.
• Guilt Manipulation: They create a false sense of responsibility for their well-being, binding you to their needs and demands.

True freedom goes beyond “no contact.” It’s about reclaiming your emotional, mental, and energetic sovereignty and saying “no more” to these invisible chains.

Steps to Break Free from Narcissistic Hooks

Reclaiming your freedom from these invisible chains involves intentional, empowered steps:

1. Identify Where You’re Trapped: Recognize areas where you’re still emotionally or mentally enslaved. Awareness is the first step to reclaiming what’s yours.
2. Engage in Self-Liberation: The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) offers a 10-step program to help you release these hooks and reclaim your autonomy. With the support of a community, you’ll be guided every step of the way to true freedom.
3. Reclaim Your Sovereignty: Incorporate grounding practices, intention-setting, and acts of self-compassion daily. This strengthens your connection to self and helps you declare, “This is my life, and I am free to live it fully.”

To strengthen your journey to freedom, here are three powerful intentions you can set:

1. “I am sovereign, whole, and free from all energetic and emotional ties to the past.”
2. “My freedom is my birthright; I reclaim my thoughts, emotions, and energy as my own.”
3. “Each day, I stand stronger in my Light, untethered from anything or anyone that no longer serves my highest good.”

A Call to Free Yourself Once and For All

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Additionally…

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This pay-what-you-like (It’s all about abundance!) event includes a personal workbook, exclusive November energy bonuses worth $59.95, a competition draw worth $995.00, and 3 life-changing Quanta Freedom Healing shifts to amplify your journey to sovereignty. 🌟

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Final Thoughts: Embrace Your True Freedom

You were never meant to be trapped or controlled. Freedom is your essence, waiting to be reclaimed. Each step of awareness and intention aligns you closer to a life of true sovereignty and joy.

I hope that you innerstand by now that nobody is going to set you free—and the narcissist certainly isn’t. The core lesson in all of this has always been about setting yourself free, and there is no better way to do that than doing the inner work Quantumly. It’s powerful, it’s profound, and it works.

What has been the hardest part of reclaiming your freedom from narcissistic influence? Or, if you’ve broken free, what’s been the most empowering part of your journey? I would love to hear your experiences and insights—share them in the comments below! I do my best to respond to as many questions and comments as possible because this journey is so important, and your voice matters in this community.

If you found this helpful, share it with someone who needs to hear this message.

Much Love,

Mel 🦋

Learn how narcissistic dark souls drain your Light and energy and discover how to break free from their control by reconnecting with your true Source and power.

Introduction:

Happy almost Halloween, Dear Thrivers!

This topic is so relevant to this time (in many ways!)

If you’ve ever felt drained, confused, or disconnected after dealing with a narcissist, you’re not alone. Narcissists don’t just harm you emotionally—they steal your Light. In this blog post, we’ll explore how narcissists act as energetic parasites, draining your energy, joy, and autonomy, and we’ll introduce the concept of Wetiko, an ancient mind virus that explains this behavior. Most importantly, I’ll share how you can reclaim your Light and heal from narcissistic abuse.

Why Are Narcissists Considered Dark Souls?

Narcissists are often referred to as “dark souls” because they operate from a deep disconnection from Source energy. Lacking their own inner Light, they rely on manipulating and controlling others to fill their inner void. This isn’t just about emotional manipulation—it’s energetic theft.

Narcissists drain you in multiple ways:

• Self-Worth: By belittling you, they cause self-doubt and confusion.
• Energy: Constant emotional manipulation leaves you feeling exhausted.
• Joy: They dominate your experiences, robbing you of happiness and fulfillment.
• Autonomy: They control your decisions, leaving you disconnected from your authentic self.

Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to reclaiming your power and Light.

How Narcissists Drain Your Light

Narcissists act like black holes, consuming your vitality and leaving you feeling lost and depleted. This often results in:

• Confusion: Gaslighting causes you to doubt your reality.
• Disconnection: You feel cut off from your true self.
• Emotional Numbness: After enduring so much abuse, you may feel detached from your emotions.
• Fear: Narcissists thrive on fear, keeping you trapped in a state of anxiety and hypervigilance.

Understanding Wetiko: The Mind Virus Behind Narcissism

The term Wetiko comes from Native American wisdom and describes a psychic infection—a mind virus of selfishness and disconnection from empathy. Much like narcissism, Wetiko operates on a collective level, affecting individuals and systems alike.

Powerful systems in our world—political, corporate, and even societal structures—mirror narcissistic behaviors, exploiting resources and feeding off the energy of individuals for their own gain. These systems, like narcissists, thrive on division, control, and fear. But there’s hope: you can break free from narcissistic abuse in your personal life, as well as exploitative systems and structures that attempt to control and mine you.

Reclaiming Your Light and Breaking Free from Wetiko

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t just about cutting ties—it’s about reconnecting with your own Source of energy and reclaiming your autonomy. To truly break free, you must actively engage in the inner work of releasing the trauma and false beliefs that have kept you in darkness, fear, and confusion.

Narcissists cannot heal from the psychic virus of Wetiko unless they take personal responsibility, which they rarely do. But you can break free by taking responsibility for your healing and reclaiming your Light.

How to Heal and Rise Beyond Victimhood

As you release the trauma inflicted by narcissists and the collective infection of Wetiko, you step into your full power. Your Light can never be fully stolen—it’s always within you, waiting to be reclaimed.

Please find the following power statements to inspire and help shift your reality!

Conclusion:

No narcissist, no parasitic system, and no infection like Wetiko can take away your Light. Your journey toward reclaiming your power starts with taking radical personal responsibility and healing from within.

💔 Are you still in your Painbody because of narcissistic abuse?  The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program™ (NARP), with the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing™, helps you release trauma and reclaim your true self. Thousands have already transformed their lives, with the proven 10-step formula—now it’s your turn!
✨ ✨ Join NARP here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and step into freedom.✨ ✨

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Upcoming Event:

November Spa For Your Soul: 5D Ascension Workshop
Tuesday, November 12th – Online via Zoom:

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Receive a 5D Ascension workbook, access bonus gifts, and join exciting competitions—all designed to support your profound ascension and realignment with your highest self.

This is a pay-what-you-like event (it’s all about abundance!).

Join us for this transformative event and step into your next level of growth!
✨ ✨ Register here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/ascension ✨✨

I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions about this topic.

Did you find these power statements helpful and empowering? Have you realized that narcissism is a collective, as well as personal, problem on our planet?

Are you taking back your Light?

Have you heard about “Wetiko” before, and what do you think about this concept?

Much Love,
Mel 🧡 

It’s completely natural to want the narcissist or toxic person in your life to heal and ascend, especially if they’re someone you love deeply. Whether it’s a lover, spouse, family member, friend, boss, or even your own child, you may find yourself hoping they can change for the better. You may see their suffering, destructive behaviors, and how they harm themselves and others and wish they could rise above it. It’s understandable to want a better life for them—one where they can experience peace, love, and genuine connection. Your heart naturally wants to see the good in them and hopes they will one day become the person who can love, care for, and treat you with the respect you deserve.

However, it’s important to recognize that this desire often comes from wanting to heal the relationship and feel loved and valued. You may believe that if they could only see the truth, they would finally be capable of offering you the love and care that you’ve longed for. Unfortunately, the painful reality is that narcissists are often unable or unwilling to do the deep inner work required for this transformation. While it’s natural to care about their plight, your greatest healing and freedom come from focusing on your own growth rather than waiting for them to change. By prioritizing your own ascension, you can break free from their toxic patterns and rise into the love, light, and joy that is your birthright.

Why Narcissists Can’t Heal or Ascend

Narcissists have distanced themselves from their inner being, deciding that their true self is not enough to meet their needs. As a result, they create a fictitious character to seek attention, acclaim, and other ego-driven desires like money, status, and envy from others. Yet, none of these external pursuits can grant the narcissist true inner wholeness. This leaves them in a perpetual cycle of chasing external validation to feed their false self, desperately avoiding the hopelessness and emptiness they feel inside.

Narcissists are not interested in nurturing their souls. They are disconnected from their true selves, operating from a place of darkness, ego, and emptiness. Their entire identity is built around avoiding their deep inner wounds. Rather than doing the inner work necessary for real healing and spiritual growth, they project their pain onto others and manipulate people to gain external validation. This disconnection from their true self blinds them to the reality that working on their soul would provide a far superior life to the one their false self is living.

Healing and ascension require deep inner reflection, ownership of one’s wounds, and a willingness to connect with Source. Narcissists avoid this at all costs. Instead of facing their pain, they turn to external supply to try to “get a self” and medicate the pain away, which keeps them stuck in their lower vibrational state.

But You Can Heal and Ascend

Here’s the key: Just because the narcissist can’t heal doesn’t mean you can’t! In fact, your healing and ascension are the very paths that lead you out of the darkness they perpetuate.

Unlike the narcissist, you have the capacity to turn inward, face your wounds, and reconnect with your true essence. Ascension is about shifting out of the 3D matrix of fear, pain, and trauma and rising into the 5D flow of freedom, joy, and light.

Because you have been narcissistically abused, you are more likely than most to take an ascension path. Why is this, you may ask? It’s because narcissists have an uncanny ability to find every part of us that is still in the shadows—any insecurity, any part of our inner being that is not yet whole or ascended. They lure us into relationships by appearing to be the savior to these wounds or keep us hoping they will be, all the while hitting these wounds hard in cruel ways to keep us trapped in despair, pain, and suffering, preventing our ascension.

However, when we’ve had enough and recognized the ascension lessons that narcissists present, we can finally let go of them and purposefully ascend ourselves. By working on exactly what wounds they targeted and exposed within us, we can fast-track our own ascension. We no longer need to search for what requires healing or wholeness—it’s brought to the fore, front and center. Life, as we know it, cannot go on as normal unless we choose to ascend. This process becomes a turbo-charged path to healing and freedom if we choose it.

Ascension: Breaking Free From False Sources

While the narcissist is trapped in their cycle of false sources and disconnection from both self and Source, you are capable of breaking free from your own attachment and reliance on these false sources—especially the narcissist. You can reclaim your power, release the old conditioning that kept you stuck in pain, and rise into a higher state of being.

By focusing on and working toward your 5D ascension, which is at its most available, potent, and powerful on planet Earth right now, all the trauma bonds with the narcissist, along with the terrible feelings of panic, powerlessness, and helplessness, will melt away—along with the abuse symptoms you may have once believed you’d need to manage for life. You’ll reach a point where you no longer care whether the narcissist can ascend because they will simply fade from your reality.

This person will no longer resonate with the higher frequency you ascend to. It’s all about vibration—you are “yin-ing” while they are “yang-ing,” and there is no longer any energetic match. As a result, they literally leave your reality, psyche, heart, and every aspect of your being. And they lose all power over you.

Your Ascension is the Key

Your ascension is the complete healing of the wounds caused by dark, false sources and the return to your True Self—granting you the intended state of freedom, joy, and light that you were always coded to experience. Myself, along with thousands of other Thrivers, are living proof of this ascension shift, which can happen swiftly and powerfully after narcissistic abuse. It doesn’t require years or decades of costly, arduous, and repetitive talk therapy.

That’s the good news—you’ve been misled about the need for a slow, painful recovery. Whether it’s intentional from systems that don’t want you to know this truth or from others indoctrinated into outdated psychological models, the reality is that you can energetically heal and rise. Your freedom is available, and it’s so much closer than you’ve been told.

If you’re ready to step into your ascension, I encourage you to join me for my upcoming 5D Ascension Event. This powerful workshop will help you break free from limiting forces and rise into your true power.

Register at www.melanietoniaevans.com/ascension. If you can’t make it live, don’t worry—you’ll receive the recordings, so you won’t miss a thing. I’m overjoyed to support you in this incredible opportunity to align with your higher self and ascend to a new level of freedom and joy!

Much Love,
Mel 🦋
I look forward to answering your questions and comments below.

For those who find themselves in an aftershock following an abusive relationship, know that actual healing is possible – even if it feels ultimately out of reach.

Aftershock is a phenomenon that occurs when someone leaves an abusive relationship and, rather than feeling relief, the person feels worse than before they left. It’s an uncomfortable reality that leaves many stunned and questioning why they can’t move on and why they might need to reconnect with the abuser.

However, the aftershock is rooted in peptide addiction. Our brain releases peptides – chemicals – for every single human emotion we feel. When someone is in an abusive relationship, their cells become accustomed to receiving heavy doses of these peptides, creating an emotional addiction.

When the relationship ends, people are suddenly cut off from their source of peptides, and they experience withdrawal.

This withdrawal can manifest as deep despair, panic attacks, anxiety, and an overwhelming feeling of not surviving without the person they are no longer with.

Additionally, aftershock and trauma bonding can intertwine to create a situation where the person feels an internal pull towards their abuser. This is the result of their ingrained trauma of abandonment combined with the brain’s craving for the peptides they were receiving from them.

The good news, however, is that there is help available. The key to healing aftershocks is recognizing and understanding the patterns at play.

Then, you can begin to loosen this bondage and reprogram your body and mind to heal from this trauma and move forward.

Video Transcript

Welcome, dear Thriver, to Thriver TV, where you can heal for real from narcissistic abuse. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so. I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

My name is Melanie Tonia Evans, and I’m the author of the bestselling book You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, the Number One System for Recovery from Toxic Relationships.

Over the last 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people from over 150 different countries detox from narcissists, up a level beyond them, and go on to create their dream lives despite their sufferings in those relationships.

If interested, I’d love to introduce you to my free 16-day recovery program. In this program, you’ll receive quantum healing that will relieve your pain and restore your soul, life force, and sanity.

Am I Experiencing Aftershock?

I want to talk to you about aftershocks because it’s a phenomenon. I coined the phrase years ago, and pretty much nobody is talking about it.

Aftershock is when you feel worse after leaving an abuser than you did with the abuser. This happens even if you are the one who leaves. We know discarding is painful if you’ve experienced that, but even people who’ve decided to leave and feel good about going and getting on with it can be hit with aftershocks afterward.

Aftershock leaves you stunned as to why you can’t get on with your life, and even though you detest this person and know they’re so bad for you, you may feel yourself manically missing them.

You may even question yourself and say, “Well, I must love them, and this relationship must be meant to work. Maybe it’s a soul contract.”

It’s weird to people who are looking. Indeed, you should just be able to get away from somebody who’s abusive and start getting better because you’ve got the space and the distance from them. But when aftershock strikes, it’s anything but that.

Now, maybe you are going through this, or you’ve gone through this, and it also shocked you. If that’s you, let me know in the comments below.

I really want you to know, and maybe you need to hear this, that after being narcissistically abused, the aftershock is actually more common than not.

Aftershocks are the reason you can’t get on with your life or stop obsessing about somebody. You may be battling your own cognitive dissonance, coming up with excuses and justifications for why you should get in contact with this person, how you might be able to fix the relationship, or thinking that there may be salvation with this person because the aftershock just feels so unbearable to go through.

There are profound reasons for the aftershock, and I promise you it hits really after a toxic relationship with virtually everybody. Even when people break up with a toxic person and never hear from them again or don’t get the repercussions from them, which is rare, even those people can suffer from aftershocks.

The Reason Aftershock Strikes

The reason why you go through aftershocks is because you’re no longer in the fight. When you’re with a toxic person, you are regularly triggered, which releases adrenaline and cortisol.  Even though this wreaks havoc on your system, if it’s medium or long-term, it keeps you distracted and in the present in the fight.

But when you’re away from this person and have some space, what happened last week, last month, last year, and decade can catch up with you because you’re stationary. All of this kind of rubbed into your consciousness in a really awful way.

Aftershock feels overwhelmed, deep despair, total heartbreak, and so much more. One of the biggest things about aftershocks is the obsessional thoughts, the looping thoughts, the stinking thinking of what happened, what should have happened, and what could have happened.

You go over and over and over it all in your head, and you can’t stop doing it, and you just don’t get any resolution, and you’re astounded in aftershock how it’s sucking your energy dry. You feel so empty, and you could feel much worse than even when you are with the narcissist.

You may feel like a terrible psychic virus has overtaken you and is draining out all of your life, horse. You may feel like you’re literally dying in aftershock. This brings to mind the U2 song “I Can’t Live With or Without You,” and I’m not going to burst into song because I can’t sing.

But aftershock, indeed, it can feel more painful out of the relationship than you’re feeling in the relationship; even though you got out of the relationship when you left, you know that you barely got out of there alive; you barely survived the abuse, but yet now you feel worse. It’s crazy.

In aftershock, your abuse symptoms escalate. You’re struggling to function, and you may feel totally addicted. This is one of the craziest things about it, wanting to break no contact with that person. You might want to reconnect.

It could be feelings like you just want closure, understanding, repair, or remorse. You want reconciliation despite knowing that it has never worked in the past, no matter how many times you tried to pursue it. The real reason so many people break no contact is that they’re suffering from the phenomenon of aftershock.

Now, let’s go deeper again into what’s really going on here. I want to talk about peptide addiction and aftershock. Peptide addiction is something that I’ve gone deeply into in the past, and I’ve shared a lot about it on this platform. It was a game changer for me in how I healed. It was one of my biggest turning points.

Peptide Addiction and Aftershock

Some of the gravest feelings of aftershock are panic and addiction, waves of anxiety and triggered fear, and feelings of not being able to survive without this person, which may cause you to try to stay energetically connected.

These are things like trying to feel their energy and constantly researching everything you know about this personality type. Maybe you stalk their social media. You ask people who know about them for information. Perhaps you’re getting psychic readings on how they feel about you. Do they still love you? Are they coming back? Do they regret what they did? Or maybe you just break no contact. I did that dozens of times, and many others have also done it.

Peptide addiction occurs because the cells in your body are chemically used to receiving strong doses of the emotional peptides that the hypothalamus in your brain has been creating. This is important.

There’s a peptide for every human emotion you can experience, and you’ve been having large doses of things like anger, betrayal, invalidation, and injustice, all related to the shocking things the narcissist has done to you.

You are emotionally addicted physiologically to these states. That’s the truth. It’s been discovered in lab tests with rats studies that when given emotional peptides, rats will forego food, water, self-care, and cleaning themselves for the peptides. They will literally starve and thirst to death.

It can be argued that emotional peptides are as addictive or maybe even more addictive than any synthetic drug. When you leave a narcissist, you’re away from your drug of those emotional peptides that you’ve been receiving and will go cold turkey.

Your cells are literally craving the connection with the peptides. It’s your body, it’s your cells that are your emotions, and the emotional craving will make your head obsess about the abuser and what they did to you because that’s going to give you another kick of your hypothalamus, making more of those peptides.

Your brain’s going to give you every excuse to return to the scene of the crime where you can get the drug again from the abuser who dishes it out.

Aftershock is Trauma-bonding

All right, so there is another layer to aftershock. Let’s look at this. It’s good old trauma bonding. Aftershock has to do with trauma bonding as well. Trauma bonding is horrible. It’s an aftershock as well.

It’s that horrible feeling of you can’t stop wanting to go toward somebody who’s hurting you, and you can’t stop thinking about them, and it’s tough for you to try to reconnect with them. The most direct law of trauma bonding is this. It’s simple. We’ve bonded with the people who represent our unhealed inner stuff. It really is that simple.

Okay, so let’s say you’re still internally carrying the trauma of abandonment, the terror of abandonment. You’re going to be attracted to and attractive to people who are prone to abandon people, who don’t commit, who aren’t loyal, who aren’t going to respect you.

You will also show up in highly triggered ways where your age regresses to your young abandonment trauma, and your reactions will fuel the possibility of abandonment. You’ll also stay connected to people who abandon you, trying to force them and change them into being loyal, safe, and committed to you.

But of course, it doesn’t work. The only remedy to this is being able to let go, go inside, and heal the trauma of abandonment, and then you’re no longer trauma-bonded to people who will abandon you. You break the binds, you go free, and it also changes the patterns of your relationships in the future.

Conclusion

The right inner work is the most powerful way to heal all these layers of aftershocks. I want you to have hope. You don’t have to stay in these horrific feelings and this powerlessness and feel so addicted to that person. My aftershock, like virtually everyone’s, was mind-bending.

It absolutely shook me to my core. It stunned me. After discovering and applying quantum tools and specifically quantum freedom healing to address my inner trauma bonds, I was able to release the peptide addiction loop, and I got calm and resolution in those places inside where I was carrying all of the trauma of the previous events and hurt that was the abuse.

Not only did I heal from the aftershock, but I also emerged as a much more whole, up-level person than before I even went through it. The same has happened for so many people in our wonderful community as a result of taking on the inner work that I help them do in my healing programs.

As such, I’m really excited to tell you about my upcoming 10-week boot camp course, Thrive. It has a whole week dedicated to aftershock specifically, and it also has many other juicy up-leveling healings and tools, such as becoming a boundary beast, becoming impervious to abuse and abusers, detoxing, and powerfully moving forward in all areas of your life. This is why this is called Thrive.

If you’ve been struggling with what I’ve discussed today, I can’t recommend that you look at it enough.

All right. So, I really hope that today has made sense. I hope it can give you hope and allow you to know you’re not going crazy. This is really common, and there is a name for it. Please know you can heal for real from this pretty quickly when you get onto it the right way.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments about whether this resonated with you, whether you’re going through this, and whether you’ve already healed and up-leveled from this because that helps give other people hope.

Also, pass this video on to somebody you know who is experiencing aftershocks so that you can help and bless them to get better.

All right, so until the next one, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do. Lots of love. Bye-bye.

Accountability is essential for relationships to function. A happy, functional relationship is impossible without it. However, narcissists suffer from toxic shame and have fragile self-esteem. They fear being wrong and will do whatever it takes to avoid scrutiny from others, including gaslighting, twisting reality, and lying. This can be incredibly damaging and soul-destroying for the person on the receiving end – YOU.

To go forward into sanity and health, we need to turn inwards and heal up those parts of ourselves that are addicted to this person and demand basic decency from them.

If you are looking for ways to heal from the damaging effects of narcissistic abuse and non-accountability and are ready to feel supported and loved by Source and Life, then this Thriver TV is for you.

Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, where you learn about narcissistic abuse and how you can heal for real from it. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so. I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

Today, I want to talk about non-accountability: what it is and how destructive it is for relationships.

But before we get into that, why is accountability so important?

Accountability in relationships is taking responsibility for your actions and how they affect another person and being able to course-correct them to improve a relationship’s trust, collaboration, and partnership.

Healthy bonds – whether intimate partners, friends, family, or business associations – require healthy accountability.

Accountability means I can self-reflect, own up to my shortcomings, offer others in my life my healthy and honest input, and listen to other people’s viewpoints. I understand it’s important to make amends if I intentionally or unintentionally hurt somebody. If I don’t, distrust and distance will come between me and those I care about and love.

Being accountable doesn’t mean being a pushover. In fact, responsible people are likely to have difficult conversations, speak up about boundaries, and ask for what they need. Being accountable is a moral responsibility to the integrity of oneself and others.

It displays functional, emotional intelligence and emotional maturity.

Accountability goes both ways. If I do wrong, I need to own it. If you aren’t meeting my needs, then it’s up to me to express my feelings. This fosters respect, understanding, safety, trust, and growth. It allows disruption, challenges, disputes, and even disagreements to uplevel into greater connection, collaboration, and teamwork.

Accountability is essential for relationships to function. A happy, functional relationship is impossible without it.

The Narcissist’s Attitude Towards Accountability

Let’s have a look at how narcissists approach accountability.

Due to their internal wounds, narcissists have fragile self-esteem. They fear being wrong. They’ve got impenetrable defenses, but if you get too close, they can be brutal.

Narcissists suffer from toxic shame, which is the fear of being defective. When that toxic shame is triggered, rather than admit, heal, and work on it, they project it onto others as blame, character assassination, and gaslighting.

Narcissists do not experience the remorse and self-awareness that come with ordinary people’s guilt when they’ve hurt somebody else.

They do not have the internal resources to face, hold, heal, and transform their painful, overwhelming feelings of shame. So, narcissists regularly display dysfunctional behavior within relationships due to being preoccupied with regulating their insecurities to avoid triggering narcissistic injury.

In relationships, narcissists detach from people. They distrust them. They don’t check in with others, they don’t do teamwork. They don’t speak up and communicate. They lie. They don’t care for business in healthy and honest ways and are destructive in how they treat and speak to you. To try to survive a narcissistic relationship means that you have to walk on eggshells.

When you say something, the narcissist gets triggered into their defense mechanisms. You see them in full swing. Even if a narcissist is caught red-handed in a misdemeanor, it doesn’t matter – they will always deny it. They didn’t do it. You got it wrong. That was never said. You don’t have proof. Nothing was done to you. It hasn’t affected you. You are disloyal for not believing the narcissist’s narrative about what happened. It’s wrong of you to bring this up, to make a big deal out of nothing, and you are the abusive one who’s always angry and looking to have an argument.

Or the narcissist doesn’t remember doing something destructive. This is known as toxic amnesia, and it’s how perpetrators pretend not to have done awful things. They don’t know. They don’t recall their betrayal, abuse, lying, or other dysfunctional behavior.

The aim is to gaslight you – to make you doubt your perceptions, memories, and information. Narcissistic denial worsens, and in some cases, it becomes delusion. The narcissist puts so much effort into creating a narrative and stories to avoid accountability that through lying to you, the narcissist is lying to themselves. In their efforts to maintain the False Self, they can completely lose touch with the reality of the situation.

The excuses and the justifications start taking on a life of their own. Delusion means detachment from reality, and this is where narcissists can end up.

Trying to converse with someone delusional (or acting delusional) about the event’s truth is mind-bending and incredibly frustrating. Because – although you are trying to seek a sane recognition, an agreement, some amends, and some safety regarding what happened – you can’t even get to the first base of the reality of what actually did happen.

Additional gaslighting tactics will make you doubt your feelings, perceptions, and reality – which can happen in many other ways. Their comments tell you it’s wrong to feel the way that you do, or they say, “I never lie to you. You have the issues, not me. You know I love you and care about you. You’re just being oversensitive.” While continuing to lie to cover up a lie, doubling down with more lies.

Blame shifting is another defense used in non-accountability so that everything is somebody or something else’s fault. Or the narcissist will cite unrelated events that have nothing to do with the matter at hand, refusing to remain on topic. I’m sure you’ve experienced many other defenses I could go into massive detail about, but there’s no point. But I’d love for you to share other defense mechanisms you’ve experienced in the comments below because they’re all pretty stock standard, and we’ve all been through them.

The Cover-Up Is Worse Than The Crime

Being lied to by somebody you love and trust is soul-destroying. If you find yourself in childish arguments about something, the only reason is because someone refuses to be accountable, and you’re trying to hold them accountable. It’s mind-bending, especially when you know that their lies protect their fragile ego.

Narcissists will refuse to lean in, admit to wrongdoing, make amends, heal the relationship, and get it back on track. They do not feel into or connect to other people’s emotional realities. They can’t hold space for them. They can’t apply care to them and have empathy towards them, especially when their own behavior is under question.

An altruistic narcissist can connect to others on many other topics, but they can’t do it when held to account. The narcissist simply will not own up. They will continue on in their pathological defenses no matter what. It becomes obvious that they would rather lose your trust, respect, and connection with you than admit they’ve done wrong.

Whatever it takes to avoid scrutiny from others, of course, backfires terribly. Because the covering up of dysfunctional behavior with excuses and stories is even more drastically dysfunctional and damaging than whatever occurred in the first place. But within the egoic structure of a narcissist, if they get to walk away without admitting anything, they’ve won, which is pretty insane.

The Need For Transparency and Honesty

Transparency and honesty create and rebuild healthy, functional relationships. Many psychologists agree that when there is humility, openness, transparency, and remorse for the damage done to the other—along with a total commitment to atone, heal, grow, and do the inner work on self that is necessary to prevent repeating that behavior—relationships can heal even when there have been very painful betrayals and misdemeanours.

Even in dysfunctional relationships with severe issues like ongoing addictions, if transparency and ownership are present, it’s much less damaging than relationships with lesser issues plagued with lies, distorted reality, gaslighting, and lack of accountability. Let me know if you agree with that in the chat below.

Healing From And Protecting Yourself From Non-Accountability

If you have invested your heart with an individual who’s hurt you and been unaccountable – which means there have been gaslighting and twisted realities – you have been significantly abused. You’re going to feel damaged emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s like you’ve been run over in a hit-and-run and then got accused of driving the car.

The usual symptoms are post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and you will be trauma bonded to that individual. You may feel manically addicted – trying to get stability, sanity, truth, and remorse from this person to try and feel normal and well again. That’s impossible with a narcissist. They could feign accountability, but it won’t hold or last long.

When you poke them with a little stick again, they’ll return to the old, entirely and utterly mind-bending habits. To move forward into sanity, health, relief, and release, we need to turn inwards, heal up those parts of ourselves that feel triggered, helpless, or addicted, and hold that person responsible for decency, integrity, and care.

The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the most direct and effective way to reach, load up, release, and heal those hideous internal traumas and bonds. If you’re a NARP member, you can use the powerful Bonus Goal-Setting Module.

This is the intention that you set as the goal;

I anchor into safety, care, sanity, and healing.

I’m free to be supported and loved by all of Source and Life

You keep clearing out all resistance until you reach a 10 out of 10 on the goal. If you diligently repeat this daily, you will quickly dissolve trauma bonds and all forms of addictive connection to the narcissist – psychic, energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. You’ll get your soul back.

How Do You Avoid This Kind Of Person In The Future?

Investigating a person’s level of growth and consciousness is vital because who you choose is who you will get.

If you are considering being close and intimate with somebody, open a discussion on accountability. How do they feel about it? How do they feel about taking ownership of something they’ve done wrong?

Do they believe they can ever even be wrong? Can they apologize to someone they have hurt, even if it wasn’t intentional? Do they care about other people’s views if they feel hurt or take criticism personally? Does it trigger them or affect them? Can they listen and lean into other people? Can they put themselves in other people’s shoes? Not just the world out there when it doesn’t affect them (altruistic narcissists can be very empathic when it doesn’t affect them), but mainly when it requires something of them.

Remember this: people with a narcissistic tendency to be triggered by any perceived criticism will also be very triggered by any perceived disappointment in their lives. So, have a conversation: “How do you handle disappointment? Do you see it as an opportunity to grow and heal something about yourself?”

Do they know they can grow into a higher, better, more acceptable, and capable version of themselves, with greater integrity and capacity after adversity? Or do they become victims and start blaming everybody else and don’t like it when things don’t go right in their lives?

That’s a narcissistic tendency. You want to find these things out.

Also, don’t just be a yes person in somebody’s life. If you disagree with their attitude or outlook, have an opinion. Speak up, put it on the table. Be calm and straightforward; don’t shrink. You want to see how they deal with that and whether they align with your values, growth, capacity, and who you want to be. Because if this person is not on board with you, then you won’t have a life like that with them. They’ll be kicking and screaming, and you can’t change them.

Also, if you are in a relationship with somebody and they do something hurtful, speak up. Be honest about what you need and what you want from them. If they minimize you, spin it, project, shift blame, or get angry, you know what you’re dealing with.

You don’t want to spend a life like that again.

In Conclusion

I really hope this has helped give you vital information about non-accountability.

It might give you real clarity about what’s happened to you. Healing with NARP can also help you a lot.

But I would also love to offer you one of my powerful free resources—my 16-day Recovery Course, which you can sign up for by clicking on this link. On signing up, you will receive two comprehensive e-books that will give you back your soul and sanity and 16 days of emails that will give you a path forward to heal for real.

Until the next video, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do. Lots of love. Bye-bye.

Today, I want to talk about invalidation and how it destroys relationships. This applies to intimate relationships and damages family members, friendships, and business associations.

Invalidation is one of the critical weapons narcissistic people use to maintain significance and superiority over others.

What Is Invalidation?

Invalidation is dismissing someone else’s viewpoint. It is the message “You are not worth listening to.”

At the deepest levels of invalidation, which I will explain later in this article, the message is “I don’t value you or care about your feelings.”

Invalidation can range from dismissive conversations to actual psychological abuse.

Today I want to explain the different levels of invalidation, why they are delivered by toxic people, the damage this does to you and how you can heal yourself from its effects.

Healthy Validation

Let’s be honest. Not everyone is going to agree with you. You may have different viewpoints and passions from others, and someone may flat-out disagree with you.

Healthy people agree to disagree, yet invalidation is not about this in close relationships.

Let me explain.

The people we love are united with us for a reason. We care for and value these people, admire them, and are grateful for them. Healthy people know that functional relationships include loving respect.

This means listening, being open to the other’s viewpoints, acknowledging their areas of strength, and allowing their input and collaboration. These are all healthy aspects of communication, teamwork, cooperation, and unity consciousness.

Two heads are better than one; the best ideas come from TEAM – Together Everyone Achieves More.

Behind every great person are other incredible contributors—people to check in with, see things from different perspectives, validate a particular direction or decision, or share a brilliant idea freely given, from which everyone benefits.

This level of unity consciousness is vital for trust, growth, and maintaining intimacy, interest, and passion for one another. These actions say, “I love you. I celebrate having you in my life. I want to share vital decisions and directions with you. I acknowledge you for this.”

The ability to validate others and be open to their perspectives comes from a sense of inner wholeness and true confidence. Healthy, powerful, and effective leaders have this attribute—they know that connecting to others and their energy will grant more expansive love, success, prosperity, and growth than would ever be achievable alone.

When you understand how to communicate healthily and lay boundaries, you can generate empowered, evolved connections with others without putting yourself at risk.

I am excited to share these skills to assist your interpersonal growth in my upcoming 10-week, inclusive, interactive Healing Course, The Thrive Membership Program.

Personal Invalidation

Toxic people do not want to incorporate you into their lives with validation. There are many reasons for this.

Firstly, they need to uphold superiority in the relationship by never allowing you to be on the same level. This is ego-driven; it comes from a false sense of control to cover up dire feelings of inferiority. Narcissistic insecurity manifests as domination and arrogance.

“My way is the ONLY way.”

It’s inflexible and rigid.

They will tell you to butt out and mind your own business. Point out all the reasons why your viewpoints and ideas are wrong.

Toxic people will argue their points as to why they don’t need your ideas and make you feel that you don’t know what you are talking about.

According to them, their situation and life don’t have anything to do with your experience, previous situations, or level of expertise.

Rebuttals can include criticism, disdain, contempt, and sarcasm, such as “So you think you are perfect and have the solutions!” They will grandstand any of their previous ‘glory day’  accomplishments and explain why they have superior knowledge and much more understanding of the situation than you.

You have narcissistic ‘separation consciousness’ (one-upping) right there.

Toxic people are unwilling to listen to, adopt, and incorporate your viewpoint. They are committed to shutting down your ideas and not making important decisions with you. They may act out their impetuous choices that violate you and mine your resources without even bothering to communicate. These could be grave decisions that threaten you emotionally and financially. They could bring breakdowns in many areas, such as within your family, job, or community.

If you try to have a problematic or confronting conversation with toxic people, they may stonewall you by checking out of the communication. When you realize they are disengaged and are granting zero feedback, you may ask, “Are you going to comment about what I just suggested?”

They may say, “I’m listening,” but the reality of their arrogant answer is, “I am not going to give you the privilege of acknowledging what you just said.”

The complete delusion of toxic invalidation is displayed when this person plays the victim, telling you why everything and everyone else is to blame while being completely non-accountable.

If you try to offer solutions, you will be set upon. You will be told that you and your input are nothing more than unwanted trespassing in their life—regardless of the fact that your life is affected, too. You will receive contempt, disdain, and even profoundly hurtful threats of abandonment or telling you how bad the relationship is with you.

This person feels no need to include you, communicate with you, level with you, be honest, face facts, course-correct, or do anything other than stay on their path of self-destruction. They are hurting you and punishing you for speaking up. Taking away your voice. Training you to be silent and accept this abusive version of them.

You also realize you have the antithesis of a ‘partner’ on your hands. Your connection with this person is completely invalidated. Not only are you alone, but this person is now putting your emotions and future at risk.

How can you feel safe?

You can’t.

At this level of breakdown and invalidation, especially if coupled with lies and deceit, you must acknowledge that the end is near.

What other choice do you have?

Soul Invalidation

This invalidation level is even more toxic and damaging than not allowing teamwork and trust in your input.

A narcissistic person will commonly start this invalidation when you try to have a serious conversation with them about how they behave. Even a casual conversation about something the toxic person needs to do or something you bring to their attention can trigger a deep narcissistic injury due to ‘any perceived criticism.’

Deep traumatic invalidation occurs when you are told your thoughts and feelings are wrong. “You should not feel that. You are too sensitive. That is not what is happening. These are all the reasons that a whole other reality is happening.”

This person will also give you a compendium of excuses and justifications – bringing in irrelevant examples, such as how others behave – to invalidate your experience and explain why you have it wrong.

And how YOU are wrong for even bringing this up.

Naturally, your head starts spinning.

It doesn’t matter how often you explain WHY you feel this way. The toxic person refuses to acknowledge it. In shock and distress, you may lose your temper and stay awake all night, heartbroken, while this person sleeps soundly in the spare bedroom, happy to have gotten rid of you.

Traumatic invalidation includes gaslighting. Lying to you to skew your reality. Saying they never did that or said that. Or can’t remember saying it. Or you misheard it.

Even when you absolutely are 100% present and know the facts, narcissists continue to lie after being caught out and double down into even more lies. If you try to expose the lie by calling all present to a transparent meeting, the toxic person will refuse to participate, citing some ridiculous excuse.

The narcissist will never own up to their bad behavior, take responsibility, apologize, or make amends for it.

The dismissiveness is gut-wrenching, as is the refusal to speak and the cruel conditions they place on you as you try to communicate, such as “don’t raise your voice,” “don’t swear,” and “speak to me with respect.” They will even blame you for your emotional reactions, which result from the soul violation of being emotionally thrown under a proverbial bus.

You are told that you are the abuser and the unhealthy person after being manipulated and abused to your very core – and this is done in such insidious and deceptive ways that it puts your mental health at serious risk.

Under the cruelty of soul invalidation, you will become a much lesser version of yourself – you will get sick. The trauma bonds of such treatment are extreme. You will feel hugely addicted to trying to right the wrongs, expose the lies, and push to have your feelings and reality understood and validated.

You may lecture and prescribe ad nauseum repeatedly, trying to get this unwilling, sick, emotionally unavailable person to validate you. You try to force this person into acknowledging what they did and to make amends for the damage they caused you and probably others.

You are the only person trying to save the relationship, trying to move it towards repair. In contrast, this person arrogantly believes you will continue to endure their destructive treatment and must settle for how they behave.

They arrogantly, delusionally believe you will accept them as they are.

How can you when the messages of soul invalidation are clear?

“I don’t care about you,” “I do not value your feelings or you as a person,” “I don’t want to operate with you in truth, honesty, and safety together,” “I would rather be ‘right’ than care about emotionally devastating you,” “I have neither the desire nor empathy to care about your emotional, mental and physical health or safety,” and, “I would rather disconnect and lose you in my life than be ‘wrong’.”

Soul invalidation destroys relationships. It shatters trust, connection, and intimacy. Your relationship will deteriorate before you actually separate. It will be impossible to be passionate and connected partners—at best, you will decline into being disconnected housemates.

Your self-esteem and self-value will be damaged significantly by invalidation, and eventually, you will not feel safe to include this person in your life, emotions, and bed.

There is only one course of action: Let go, heal, recover, and seek people who are healthy and whole enough to authentically love, appreciate, and value you.

Validation, Communication And Intimacy

Real love includes showing respect and care by engaging in loving communication.

Being empathetic towards another means listening to and sharing feelings. It also means being honest with ourselves and our partners. Letting them in allows them to care for and support us and be team members in times of stress.

Wise people know it’s easy for them to appear caring when everything is going well – but how do people operate in times of challenges and stress? Do they take responsibility for their part in these times? Do they look for ways to grow and improve their capacity and growth as human beings? Do they lean in kindly and include you? Or do they play the victim, start blaming everyone and everything, and shut you out and attack? Do they project, scapegoat, and blame you for their insecurities and failings, hurting and triggering you?

Can you be honest about your feelings? Have you learned to hold, acknowledge, and deal with your emotional shortcomings?

Do the people you have close relationships with – such as intimate partners – share their true inner selves with you? Can they be vulnerable, honest, and connected by accepting your input and support? Do you have each other’s backs and hearts in times of challenges?

Toxic people are horrified at such a thought, believing that it is a weakness. However, it is the greatest strength and sign of a healthy self and character—as well as a powerful way to build attraction, passion, connection, trust, deep friendship, kinship, and evolved soul mate relationships.

Defense, resistance, arrogance, and superiority are signs of moral and character weaknesses, unhealed and unresolved insecure wounds and feelings.

Narcissistic people do not like to praise you—either in private or in front of others—as this may raise your ‘superiority’ in ways that threaten them. Maybe you will think you are too good for them and leave them. Maybe you will start to feel good enough to see the truth about how insecure the narcissists really feel about themselves.

They are horrified that you will work out the truth.

Alternatively, they may praise you to others behind your back. But even this is not about congratulating you but making others envy them for having you in their life.

Communication and intimacy include the personal validation of showing appreciation and giving compliments. They are compliments about someone’s appearance and their heart, application, talents, and gifts. Let this person know that you value them being in your life and are grateful that they add to it in their way.

How To Deserve And Choose People Who Will Validate You

For someone to have the presence and development to validate you, they need to be able to validate themselves. Not in the superior, grandstanding, arrogant way that narcissists do, but honestly and humbly, sharing feelings, what is going on with them, and being able to ask for what they need.

Defenses are not strength but deep-rooted signs of insecurity and woundedness; a defensive person will self-abandon their truth, character, and integrity and destroy yours.

How do you choose people whose inner being is healthy enough to value and validate your worth?

They take an interest in you. They ask questions because they are curious and want to learn about your desires and dreams. Rather than talk about themselves, they are comfortable holding space for you and their own. They want to share the limelight, grow with you, and co-create your dreams.

How people handle conflict – engaging in uncomfortable conversations – is also a strong indicator. The people who can validate you are healthy enough to be accountable, honest, caring, and sorry for hurting you or making a mistake. They can lean in when you ask for what you need. They also speak up about what they need. They communicate with you.

If you have suffered a relationship of soul invalidation, you will have sustained toxic abuse and damage. This causes post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a diminished sense of self, self-esteem, and self-worth.

You may be experiencing trauma bonding – a hideous condition characterized by constant rumination, obsession, feelings of helplessness, anger, injustice, and sadness. You may still be in and out of the relationship or have become strong enough to know you will never return.

In Conclusion

I hope this article has clarified and made me understand what has happened with invalidation, how serious, unsafe, and soul-destroying it is, and why it is time to pull and leave when it is at such unworkable levels.

I also want you to know information is not transformation. Inner healing is the transformation necessary to heal you up, to break free from the trauma bonds, the feelings of inadequacy, being unlovable and unworthy of validation and love, and the fears of abandonment and loneliness.

Both of the Quanta Freedom Healing™ programs below will help you detox from the abuser and offer incredible relief from these symptoms caused by trauma bonding. Through profound inner shifts in your DNA, these programs will help you move from abusive situations and into the freedom to create healthy relationships on your terms.

Suppose you are struggling with letting go of the hope that the narcissist could change. In that case, if the battle with keeping no or modified contact, the obsessional thoughts about the narcissist, or are having trouble emotionally reconciling what the narcissist did to you, then The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the perfect place to begin your healing journey.

And if you are ready to become narcissist-proof, attract supportive and loving souls into your life, become a boundary boss, and smash self-sabotage, then The Thrive Membership Program is for you!

Please let me know if this article speaks to you. Have you experienced invalidation like I have described? Was this consistent with what happened in your life? How is your recovery going? Would you like to heal and Thrive after invalidation?

As always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.

I know first-hand the horror of not only having to deal with the heartbreak and terror of a narcissist and the things they are capable of doing but also having to face other people hounding you and trying to bring you down. It’s devastating, unfair, and terrifying, and life feels very precarious when you don’t know who will attack you next.

I wanted to curl up under a rock forever. Yet when I found the answer and freed myself from this, I could walk down the street, conduct my life, and BE myself – with my head held high!

So, in this week’s classic Thriver TV, I explain how to completely eradicate Flying Monkeys from your life—just as I and thousands of other Thrivers have done.

Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, where you learn not just how to survive narcissistic abuse but also how to Thrive from it. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so. I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

‘Flying monkeys’ is an expression that most people in narcissistic abuse communities know about. The expression comes from The Wizard of Oz, and we all know about those revolting little characters in that story, unleashed by the Wicked Witch of the West to carry out her orders.

As if it’s not bad enough that narcissists are malicious and nasty, we also find that they have an incredible ability to turn people against us to do their bidding. This can include people we know and people we don’t know, and it’s horrible beyond measure when the narcissist can rope in people whom we once upon a time believed we could trust.

In this episode, I’ll explain how to completely eradicate the flying monkeys from your life, just as I and thousands of other thrivers have done easily and powerfully.

How Flying Monkeys Affect Us

Understandably, the trauma created by people the narcissist has enlisted against us may be really extreme. We can feel devastated and paranoid – not knowing what has been said or what people may do next to try to bring us down. It may be shocking to see how toxic and vehement people who have been turned against us can be towards us.

And from a human level, it’s totally understandable if you intensely focus on these people and how horrible they are – but it is also WrongTown. In Quantum terms, it doesn’t work because the more it gets to you, the more it will keep getting to you.

There is an evolution necessity in this: graduating into your True Self, where you are no longer trying to combat other people, prove yourself, stop them, fight them, or make them think differently.

The people who have taken the side of the narcissist are no different from the narcissist. This means that when you come into your power and come inside of yourself to release and heal the trauma of what is happening to you, then the outer condition – which is the narcissist and their minions – can no longer exist.

You will ying, and they will yang. You’ll be on a different vibrational frequency.

So, let me share with you my story about the people that the narcissists set up against me.

My Experience With Flying Monkeys

I’m going to share about an ex-best friend. I originally introduced them to the narcissist – who then nabbed this person and turned them against me. I was mortified. This destroyed a relationship that had spanned decades before I’d even met the narcissist.

Of course, there were all sorts of other people in the narcissist camp dedicated to bringing down myself and my reputation. Many of them were brand new people who were the narcissist’s flavor of the month, and naturally, they were bedazzled by his charisma, his charm, and his lies.

The thing that most people were told about me was that I was adulterous, and I had affairs behind his back. That I destroyed our marriage, and this poor man had hung in there through thick and thin trying to save it. There were people so angry with my terrible behavior that I was being attacked on social media by them, smeared to all and sundry.

I was mortified. I was devastated. I was incensed and felt intensely, unfairly victimized. I tried to lash back with the truth about him and what I believed had torn our marriage apart – namely, his insane and violent jealous paranoia as well as, of course, the other general narcissistic craziness.

And the more I tried to fight back, the worse the attacks got. I was totally outnumbered. He’d also turned numerous colleagues, other friends, and even family members against me, and the madder and more bent out of shape I got, the crazier and more guilty I seemed. Because, of course, he stayed narcissistically cool, calm, and collected within all of it.

I detested these people who were out to discredit me. I was so dirty on them. I was hurt and devastated, as well as feeling lined up, cornered, attacked, and annihilated. Little did I know at the time how it was this fully activated and terrorized trauma inside me that was the magnet holding all of this in place.

Healing space and relief hadn’t entered me yet. I was still living in the illusion that life was happening to me and that my state and being were always in reaction to that. I still hadn’t graduated to the Quantum Knowing that life operates through me. I’m the generative force of my own experience and have the ability to take back my power over what is happening—including the flying monkeys.

What is happening to me can be transformed if I transform how I am on the inside regarding this topic.

When I finally woke up out of the trance and realized the truth of ‘so within, so without,’ I got to work, using the Quanta Freedom Healings in my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). I started shifting out all my traumas: the injustice, the trauma, and the terror of what the narcissist had done to me. I also started working on the trauma generating the pain with the people he’d enlisted into smearing me and attacking me.

When I did, as always happens when we release trauma, a greater knowing, wisdom, and profound humility replaced my previous resentment.

The Truth About Flying Monkeys

I realized that narcissists can straight-faced lie and relay the most terrible things to individuals. The average person would never think that a grown adult could make up something like that, so they believe it must be true.

Narcissists also have the ability to act graciously in their lies. They make it seem that they really care about the person they are denigrating. They want to support them and do the right thing by them, even though what that person did to them was horrible.

Narcissists are experts at securing support and getting other people to believe that they are so nice, kind, and giving that they totally don’t deserve to be treated like that. People are inspired to support them, back them, and defend their causes for them.

Generally, these people are not bad. We’ve seen them and judged them as flying monkeys – ugly, hideous, evil creatures with gnarling teeth and black hearts. Yet they aren’t. They’re actually people like you and me – people who’ve been hoodwinked, abused, manipulated, and used as pawns.

If these people are close enough to the narcissist, they will often end up being the next on the narcissist’s snack list – pulled in, secured as narcissistic supply, then devalued and discarded like the rest of us. They, too, will then find minions lined up against them.

Truly, there are only two types of people: unconscious and conscious. Those awakening to know the truth of life from the inside out are efforting to live life as their True Self; and those living a life driven by their still-existing internal traumas and trying to control life and others outside of them to get relief.

The narcissist game is a playground for unconsciousness because everybody involved hasn’t woken up yet. When we become conscious, we let go and pull away. We detach, and then we come inside our own bodies to make it about releasing our own trauma. Then, the narcissistic abuse trauma and all the narcissistic attacks dissolve.

If something in our life is still attached and hurting us, we haven’t graduated yet. We haven’t learned what it is teaching us yet.

The people who do the narcissist’s bidding are the same: unconscious of the fact that they’re being manipulated and used.

We may even think these people are narcissists, but really, what would a narcissist have to gain by fighting somebody else’s battle? Why would he or she be bothered? Narcissists are much more interested in securing their own agendas than someone else’s.

A narcissist has to be economical because their life is a vital balancing act between the energy they have to expend in getting a narcissistic supply and the amount of supply they get as a payoff. They simply do not waste time and energy if there is no personal payoff because they can’t afford to.

Once I had shifted out the trauma from my being regarding the people enlisted against me, another wisdom entered to fill the space where that trauma had previously been. I profoundly realized I used to be a flying monkey myself. I’d believed the narcissist’s lies, and I’d gone to bat against people to defend him, thinking that this poor, giving, loving, incredible man had been so hard done by and terribly treated.

I had defended him and attacked people on his behalf. I realized that I was so passionate about this because of the still-existing wounds of injustice that used to cause me to try to sort out everybody else’s life. But at that point, I hadn’t dared to turn inward and deal with my inner traumas. I’d thought he was the perfect man for me, and my need to have him love me meant I would’ve moved heaven and earth to prove my loyalty to him.

Did this make me evil? No. Did this mean I was broken, unconscious, and needed to heal my inner being? Yes.

If there is one person here who believes that they are exempt from any of this, that you weren’t involved with a narcissist to wake up and heal your broken stuff, then by all means, point fingers outwards and call people flying monkeys. But I can assure you that – just like calling the narcissist derogatory names – those sorts of names and expressions are a way to NOT wake up and to not take personal, powerful responsibility and evolve.

We are all here to heal our wounds and return to Who We Really Are. Narcissists don’t choose to do that at this point of evolution – but the people they use and play with as flying monkeys may.

In Conclusion

I also want to share one of the most significant shifts I worked with, using NARP, regarding the flying monkeys.

I stopped hating them, labeling them, and feeling terrible about them. Instead, I released that trauma and brought in the idea of seeing them as awakening into the truth of Who They Really Are—namely, their inner beings, bringing them back home to their freedom and authenticity.

Not long after that profound shift within me, all attacks stopped. Today, some of these previous flying monkeys are now my most loving and loyal supporters. Via the Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’, the narcissist was exposed to them. They saw the truth, and they came to me and apologized profusely.

So this I urge you. Drop the expression, ‘flying monkeys.’ It’s not serving you or anyone. Come inside and heal with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program instead.

I hope that’s helped and you can see the truth of what’s really going on here. I’d love you to comment below. Let’s have a candid and open conversation about this.

Until the following video, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do. Lots of love.

Being replaced by new supply.

As if that isn’t bad enough – what if she or he is young and attractive? Or accomplished and wealthy? Maybe all of the above?

In other words, the new supply has something that you feel you are not. Or maybe not anymore.

I remember being 40, looking in the mirror, and feeling like I was a hundred years old. Who was this woman I barely recognized? Where had her attractiveness gone, the sparkle in her eye, the lifeforce in her soul?

Instead, with hair falling out in clumps, I was a walking skeleton with loose, saggy skin and sunken eyes. I didn’t believe I would ever be attractive and lovable again.

At that shocking time in my life, I was out shopping with my parents, constantly triggered by Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), agoraphobic as hell, and barely holding things together. Guess who we bumped into? There he was laughing, the picture of loved-up happiness with a hot young girl probably his daughter’s age. They appeared besotted in each other.

He saw us, and we saw them.

After seeing that, I couldn’t get out of bed for four days.

She had what I didn’t: youth, happiness, health, fun, attractiveness, and sex appeal.

With all of my heart, I understand what it’s like to feel defective, worthless, and unlovable. Like you are NOTHING after being discarded and replaced. After all, you gave, did, and endured to be thrown aside like yesterday’s scraps, like you never existed. The years, the words, the moments, and the commitments all meant nothing.

I am so thrilled to say I came back from this. There is zero pain, and there hasn’t been for years. I feel attractive again, yet in a different way. Not in the way of trying to be loved. Instead of a love that emanates from within, independent of how others see me.

People have told me that I look more attractive now, in my 50s than I did in my 30s. Today, it feels much more authentic and so much less stressful. For the last 15-plus years, it’s been my absolute joy to help others recover from the trauma of being devalued and discarded.

As such, I am thrilled and excited to offer you The Quantum Makeover, my brand new four-week Live and interactive course coming soon. It will help you heal and regain your self-esteem, radiant confidence, and attractiveness—no matter your age body shape, or whatever horror or loss you have suffered.

I can’t wait to help you achieve this in a loving, safe, healing environment with me and the incredible MTE team!

If this speaks to you – come join us.

How Can Narcissists Move On So Quickly?

It’s very important to understand why the narcissist can often replace you with a new supply in the time it takes to boil an egg. Truth be known, they usually have new supplies waiting in the wings even before the relationship ends.

This is for a few reasons. Most narcissists don’t like being alone. As a ‘no-self’ with gnawing, unmet, unhealed internal wounds, the narcissist needs an outer distraction. They frenetically require a narcissistic supply (attention).

New love is a great source of this, as it is the next shiny toy to idealize, get obsessed about, and create a fictitious ‘amazing romance’ that is this false economy: “I’m thrilled that you are taking me away from having to feel my inner emotional black hole.” The new relationship can also be a way of side-stepping all the other disasters, catching up with the narcissist in their life.

This new person is the perfect way to self-medicate, self-avoid, and regulate the ever-pressing need for narcissistic supply – significance. In new obsessional romance, this ‘drug’ is available in spades.

The new person is an extension of the narcissist’s False Self—their ego. Pumping up this person themselves is not about admiring the new person as an autonomous flesh-and-blood human being. Rather, they are an extension of the narcissist who says, “Look how amazing I am as a result of having this person I can show off and brag about.”

What goes up must come down – and it does. But before we get to that, let’s get back to you and explain why you have been devalued, discarded, and replaced.

You Are No Longer Adequate Narcissistic Supply

The narcissist was ‘in love’ with what you brought to the table for the narcissist’s true master – his or her False Self. You were ‘chosen’ for your looks, money, capacities, bubbly personality, sexuality – whatever it was. Even if you are still attractive, you certainly don’t feel it anymore – you feel worthless, invalidated, unlovable, defective, and smashed to pieces.

If there was ‘stuff’ the narcissist admired about you, they have gobbled it up like black holes devour celestial bodies in space. Yet, you are still accused of being selfish, uncaring, and withholding. It’s the whole black hole thing of ‘never enough.’ If the narcissist admired you for your accomplishments, then by now, he or she has smashed that down, degrading or sabotaging anything important in your life. “How dare you get any emotional energy from ANYTHING other than ME!”

Understandably, you are no longer fawning over the narcissist. You have well and indeed seen this person is disordered, manipulative, and selfish because he or she is cruel, unreasonable, entitled, and a pathological liar.

You also know this person is immature, easily triggered over ridiculous things, and massively insecure. You’ve stopped admiring him or her.

Because you question the narcissist’s delusional versions of themselves and life and start pushing back against it, the devaluing begins. “I will PUNISH you for not worshipping me anymore!”

Being around a person with a personality disorder – who does not care about you, is a master of twisting facts, projecting blame, hitting your triggers cruelly to bait, derail and blame you, and so much more – means you have had your life force sucked out, your soul assaulted and your sanity severely messed with.

You are narcissistically abused: emptied of energy, health, and resources, traumatized, devastated, and hugely addicted to the drama physically, mentally, and emotionally without knowing how or why this has happened to you. It’s called trauma bonding.

You still try to bring sense to the table with reason, kindness, care, and decency. But you can’t twist yourself into enough shapes to stop the narcissist from lashing at you for not being the perfect contortionist and being unable to read the tea leaves and assuage this person who can’t be durably pleased. The truth is, nothing and no one can.

You are too much or not enough and the cause of the problems. You are the person who apparently persecuted the narcissist the most. Your cries to stop the abuse are regarded as abuse towards the narcissist. You have no more to give; the narcissist took most, if not all, of it. Because you broke down and didn’t have any goodies anymore, the narcissist needs to discard you and move on like the black hole they are.

Especially if you become SO sick that the narcissist is required to tend to you.

“Next!” says the narcissist, like taking a broken-down car to the wreckers, abandoning it, and then going to the car dealership for a shiny new model.

I am not kidding; it is as straightforward as that.

It’s shocking and horrifying, mainly after you hung in there, gave so much, wasted energy, money, health, and maybe the ‘best’ years of your life with this person because you believed that’s what people do when they love each other.

However, there is no ‘real’ person inside the narcissist to love anyone, and loyalty only exists to the False Self.

Everything and everyone are objects – they serve the valuable purpose of medicating the narcissist so that she or he doesn’t fall into their inner black pit of nothingness. Narcissists also get stuff to bolster the False Self and maintain the mirage of “whom they would like to be” and do not meet the same empty inner hell.

That’s how they use people. It’s not love, and it even goes beyond ‘obsession.’

It’s soul-snatching.

Even so, I know you may not understand, as I didn’t initially, but the new supply is a blessing.  Not for her or him – but for you. Because now you can detach and start healing from the effects of being narcissistically abused. That is if the greedy narcissist doesn’t keep you stuck on the hook, still terrorizing you, triangulating you, calling in on you, dropping you carrots of false hope, or continuing to blame you for the demise of your relationship – and more.

Simply to keep selfishly and maliciously using you to feed the False Self the drug of significance.

“Look how important I am that someone else cannot move on from me.”

And, of course, it’s understandable that you feel like you can’t let go of what happened to you. It haunts you; it keeps you up at night. You may be unable to stop thinking about the narcissist and the new supply.

Wondering, “What do they have that I don’t?” “Will the narcissist love this one more than me?” and “What if I was actually the problem?”

After this happens to you, do you think you will look and feel attractive? Instead, you will resemble someone who has been trying to survive a war zone. It is not a Hollywood-depicted war zone with a makeup crew – more like a real-life one where you feel like you are the Walking Dead. Even those who still ‘take care of their appearance’ look shattered after this because they feel dead inside.

The New Supply’s Fate

After reading all of the above, what happened to you? The fate of the new supply is the same. That is where it will all end up for them, too.

It always does.

This is an endless tale of rinse and repeat – idealize, devalue, and discard.

I know this to be true. I have the proof. I can’t tell you how many times in this community it’s happened to the next victim. In my own life, I can tell you that future partners of BOTH the ex-narcissists have contacted me – devastated, traumatized, ripped to shreds, and replaced.

Narcissists. Don’t. Change.

It doesn’t matter how young, attractive, wealthy, or intelligent the next supply is; they, too, end up like yesterday’s trash.

You may say, “But she/he has been with this person for decades.”

I’ve met these people too, more than I can count, trying to leave after 30 years of abuse. How do you think they feel after ‘wasting’ all these years while enduring a narcissist?

A dear friend of mine nursed one of these women in palliative care while the narcissistic husband was on his dating app in the hospital because he was furious that she was selfishly dying and leaving him.

He asked her, “What do you expect me to do?”

She said, “At least have the decency to wait until I’m bloody dead!”

The people who spent years with narcissists are maybe more patient than you and me. Not as triggered, able to numb out more, turn a blind eye more, take a back seat, and keep up appearances.

It’s no compliment that they weren’t officially discarded. They were discarded over and over again. Many of them endured affairs, devastating cruel acts, horrific accusations, control, and the narcissist’s obscene behaviors, dramas, and disasters.

Worst of all for them is that they were not TRULY loved for all those years. Never. Not for themselves, for their souls. They were in the narcissist’s life for some superficial ‘usefulness’. Please don’t, for one moment, think they are having a great life with a narcissist. Their soul was dying inside once they passed the idealizing stage, just like all of us.

Now, back to you again.

Making It All About Looks and Stuff

The narcissist objectified you initially regarding ‘looks’ and ‘stuff.’

When we compare ourselves to the new supply, we continue this objectification. What is the evolution out of this mess? We must recognize that True Love is about being loved for one’s soul.

Before my Thriver Healing Path, I believed I had to earn love and that it was all about my appearance and accomplishments. This was conditional love, and it was how I objectified myself. I never felt ‘enough’ to be loved by myself, and I believed I was only worthy of ‘love’ if someone outside of me reflected this to me.

The narcissist in my life, in the massive ‘idealising phase’, seemed to be that person who finally really loved me. Yet it was only filling the hole of what I was not feeling for myself yet.

Later, after Thriver Recovery and breaking away from this pattern, I knew there was nothing to envy about the new supply. They were all dehumanized just as I was, and of course – as ‘useful objects’ – would one day fall out of the narcissist’s favors just as I had.

Conclusion

The repair is not about wishing it ends with them but about how it can begin with ourselves. The path to True Love proceeds from the inside out – with ourselves first.

The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) healings began that process for me, letting go of the need for outside love and approval from a narcissist (or anyone) and shifting into feeling durably anchored into love and approval for myself.

Then I applied the Quantum Makeover principles – about having a healthy balance of inner love and outer attractiveness – to Thriver Glow authentically from the inside out, no longer attached to what other people are or aren’t doing or how they see me.

At any age, we also claim our right to feel good about our appearance and health and have the confidence to shine in the world – without fear!

Gosh, this is so needed after feeling like your self-worth is decimated by a narcissist.

I hope today’s article has helped if you need to read this information.

Above all, I hope this has helped you start on the path of True Love—being loved for your soul, having people in your life who love you, are loyal to you, and will not leave you when you do not adequately feed this False Self.

Please know this return to love has to start with YOU.

I look forward to your comments and questions below and can’t wait to share this journey with you in the Quantum Makeover starting 30th May 2023.